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Fact or fiction: Men don’t mind being single

I can attest to the fact that “the art of being single” isn’t perfected by everyone. Some people are the type that has to have someone in their life at all times. You know, the serial monogamists who go from one relationship to the next with little to no break between. I don’t think it’s a good thing or bad thing, personally. It’s a matter of personal preference and really great timing, but it’s rare that I meet a man who admits to needing a woman in his life.

I have, however, met and dated newly single divorcees who have that whole “nestling” thing going. This is when they immediately want someone to feel the void of their ex-wife. Almost anyone one will do, really. It’s like being the ultimate rebound girl, except with home-cooked meal requests.

Do you believe men dislike being single? Is it a myth that having all that freedom is the reason why men delay marriage?

Ladies, has a man ever told you that he doesn’t mind being single? Do you meet men who actively seek a relationship and don’t mind admitting it?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

282 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 23rd, 2010
8:35 am

G’morning….

truth be told, naw, we don’t mind being single, but seriously, who wants to be single? If we are single, we just deal with it, and make it work for us…

blue®

November 23rd, 2010
8:44 am

Morning Peoples,
Morning 2C…
i have only met one or two guys who claim the “i hate being alone” gene, ime for the most part they are perfectly content with playing the field for as long as possible (provided they havent met actual WIFE material, not gf but someone they know they want to marry). one of my best friends right now, has been dating this girl for something like 4 or 5 years, they bought a house together last year, just had a baby about 2 weeks ago, and he tells me that if he were to get married she’d be the one, but he’s also still accepting of one night stands on other “options” along the way. makes me wonder what has to happen for themt o grow out of it, lol

SlimNumeroUno

November 23rd, 2010
8:45 am

Morning, morning, g’morning….

I have met plenty of dudes who claim to not have an issue being single but at the same time, I believe they have their days where they wish they had time with that ’someone special’. At same token, I’ve met a few men that stated they were looking for something more solid as far as a relationship, marriage, family etc…

Rell

November 23rd, 2010
8:46 am

this is false

Rell

November 23rd, 2010
8:48 am

Man was not made to be alone. Even when the allure of new vajay is there, we still want our “dime piece” period!!!…Any man saying otherwise is not telling the truth

Raqi V

November 23rd, 2010
8:55 am

Good topic WiseDiva.

I’ll share my thoughts while I have a few minutes.

I think with men as well as women it’s merely a desire or preference.

I may have met one or two men in my life that seemed more interested in being in a relationship than they were in the women themselves.

While being single is okay many just want to be in a relationship. Not so much as need to be but want to be and there is nothing wrong with that. To want companionship is actually normal.

SlimNumeroUno

November 23rd, 2010
8:57 am

Rell – I think that’s demonstrated when men who even had several concubines, also maintain that ONE special chick….

Kym

November 23rd, 2010
8:58 am

Good Morning All,

Okay last day at work this week and I am gonna try try try to get one good day of blogging in..

I have met both of these guys..the guy who is newly divorced and ready to pick up where he left off..cause as he state..”I don’t like being alone..”(him I found a bit creepy)

But I also know the guys who have been so wounded from the divorce/relationship that they have become either the paranoid hermit who is scared to come out for fear of actually having a good time to the bitter dude still singing the someone done done somebody wrong song. I think that this is not a fact or fiction thing more a doing what works for you. For Real is not the first guy I ran across who says I don’t want a relationship..I just want to do the rabbit dance on occasion and will admit that anytime he gets deep and involve he purposely mess it up..(I think there is something deeper going on there..but that’s a whole other Oprah..)

Raqi V

November 23rd, 2010
9:00 am

Slim, I agree with you.

We all have our days when even just for a second we wish we had the opposite.

Some days when I am just whipped I for a second may think if I was single with no kids I can just do XYZ.

When I was single some days I was more than okay with it but others I desired a relationship. It’s normal.

And like Rell has stated while many will be alone, man and woman by nature are not meant to be alone. Hence the desire for each other. Or at least some type of companionship.

You often here of people have pets for companions. That’s because our make up is wire to desire companionship.

Raqi V

November 23rd, 2010
9:06 am

Hey Kym. Yeah I said I will chat with yall for a few while I wait for my men to return.

We are driving up to Cleveland today. We were supposed to be leaving at 9:30 but the husband and the boy left about 15 minutes ago to go to his office and then to fill up the truck. The marido going to close up the office for the rest of the week. He decided last night that he would just give everyone the rest of the week off so he is going in this morning to close all loose ends and tell ‘em all to go home.

We have an 11 hours drive ahead of us so I hope they aren’t gone too long. Everything is packed and loaded on the truck. When they get back it’s just a matter of getting Liz in strapped in her seat and we are off.

Rell

November 23rd, 2010
9:09 am

@slim..again its a market for that dude…the reason why men have several women..is because they have poor chick management skills…thats why…lying to females does not make you a player..it just makes you a fraud…true players..play the game fair…there is honesty in it. So ladies proceed with cautions when dudes are “dating”…that means his management skills are lackluster and your relationship and life will reflect it if you chose to go with that dude

Kym

November 23rd, 2010
9:11 am

@Raqi..Long drive…is right..but I kind of like those trips..if I am not driving..if I am driving then I need a collection of my best CD’s so I can ride and dance all the way in. Safe travels.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:17 am

Fact or fiction: Men don’t mind being single

Fact I say!!!!! How many guys do you know up to 45 (some even older) that have a steady rotation of women when they want. They say they wouldn’t mind getting married but at the same time, they aren’t taking steps to make it happen while they have their steady rotation going.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:18 am

Blue: I only have met one dude that gives the I hate being single woe me speech. I wanna shake him and yell out if he didn’t have unrealistic expectations he would be married by now-Oh, I’m talking about LTR dude

Dan - simply...Superior

November 23rd, 2010
9:18 am

@Rell

I’m with you

Never made sense to lie to a chick about “dating” especially after the age of 18.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:18 am

I mean LDR dude

Delight23

November 23rd, 2010
9:20 am

Bom dia peoples!! Been lurking. Great topic. BUT the headline reads “Fact or fiction: Men don’t mind being single,” followed by “Ladies, has a man ever told you that he doesn’t mind being single? Do you meet men who actively seek a relationship and don’t mind admitting it?”

When will we allow men to actually answer/address issues concerning them from their perspective? I don’t want a woman’s perspective on whether or not men mind being single.

:roll: Lawd, we women just talk too much sometimes. Asking and answering our own questions.

MEN PLEASE CHIME IN.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:20 am

“….I have met both of these guys..the guy who is newly divorced and ready to pick up where he left off..cause as he state..”I don’t like being alone..”(him I found a bit creepy) …..”

Newly divorced you kinda have to avoid like the plague. They are in rebound mode probably still hurting.
Give them at least a 1 yr minimum probationary period before they can play in the sandbox again :lol:

Rell

November 23rd, 2010
9:31 am

How many guys do you know up to 45 (some even older) that have a steady rotation of women when they wan

- yea that goes on..but like my uncle said when he was dying…if he could do it all over again he would have gotten married..he was one of those..it will not happen to me types…well it happen and he was alone when he died…no woman was there…and he had several…so short term..yea its fun…long term…not so much….i mean after awhile you are just a “milk delivery guy”….spinning your wheels….@38 i am pass that mentality truthfully…i just need one and i am cool….

blue®

November 23rd, 2010
9:31 am

@Kym – last day of the work week…same here – cant quite seem to focus, thinking of lounging in bed all day catching up on my CSI….
@Raqi – have a safe trip!
@Rell – poor chick management skills – ok that made me laugh :lol:
@i am – yeah, same here. dude singing the “all by myself” song, made me want to slap him, you dont want to be alone, then work on not being alone. if you’ve decided you need some time to get your mind right, then do that. make a decision already….

abc

November 23rd, 2010
9:33 am

Personally, I didn’t mind being single, and I thought dating was kind of a drag. I had pretty much decided to stay single, and I was pretty happy and content with it. It was refreshing, really.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:35 am

Rell: I think that when pros outweigh the cons of being with someone that’s when guys may be open to settling down
but I understand why guys don’t jump at the idea when they can get
1) dinner or any meal cooked from any women
2) sex from many women
3) clothes bought by women
4) vacation trips paid by women
5) sometimes cars bought by women
6) a place to live with a woman…
all of this done without marriage.

I’ve read that some guys feel that marriage is too risky and investment with no ROI

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:36 am

random : Oh wow I am craving a Ceasar salad from Figo :shock:

No I am not pregnant unless it is divine intervention and right now, I am very low on the man’s totem pole

Raqi V

November 23rd, 2010
9:37 am

Kym, I was really hoping we could be there by 9pm tonight but that is not going to happen. I would have been okay with us leaving at 6am this morning and getting up there around 6pm but since I am not the one doing the driving I can’t complain. My marido says he is going to try to go the distance and only stop once so he needed to sleep to at least 7am.

It’s going to be a good ride with the boy tagging along. Good family time. I may let him sit in front with Mase while Liz and I sit in the back watch movies on the dvd player or take a nap or two.

Thanks for safe wishes. We always need those.

Raqi V

November 23rd, 2010
9:37 am

Thanks, blue.

Rell

November 23rd, 2010
9:37 am

@blue…its true..how many “players” get caught daily…i mean its because of those “players” we have site like dontdatehimgirl.com….again if you dealing with more than one woman on falsehoods…you have poor management skills…because most dudes with several women are just slaves to the P..period!..they not getting anything from these women..the women are not adding any real value to there life..trust.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:39 am

Blue: what pisses me off most is that I could easily marry this dude and he’s open to the idea but it would all have to be on his terms.
I am so not cool with that
His terms:
1) I would have to move to his state
2) I would have to sell or rent out my townhome
3) I would have to find daycare for my son
4) I would have to find a job

What does he get? His life won’t in the least bit disruptive.
If I didn’t have a child it would be a different story but I wonder how many guys understand what it mean to take the WHOLE package when you involve yourself with a woman that has kid(s)

Rell

November 23rd, 2010
9:40 am

lol@ROI…ok thats one train of thought. If you are going for those things..cool…best job i had ever held…step-dad…trumps all the little things ..but thats just me

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:44 am

“……its true..how many “players” get caught daily…i mean its because of those “players” we have site like dontdatehimgirl.com……”

This guy that I briefly dated in college is on that site :shock:
now there were rumors he had a kid but I didn’t know it was true till I saw his pic on that site on blast.
It gets worse. Not only did his baby mamma put him on that site, she created her own website dedicated to how much of a loser he is.
Turns out that he assaulted a chick in grad school and baby mamma found out about it and put that on the site as well :shock:
WOW is all I can say. I wonder why he has not sued her for defammation of character but if she has court documents, etc to back up her claims then maybe it’s not a lie
WOW! and to think- that was my homeboy in college and after college we went on like maybe a few dates

Trevor0529

November 23rd, 2010
9:44 am

I’ve read that some guys feel that marriage is too risky and investment with no ROI

Really?!?!? WTH!!

bigdawg

November 23rd, 2010
9:44 am

Okay, here’s a guy’s perspective: I got married at 37, had two kids,caught my wife cheating when I was 43, divorced at 44, married a really good friend w/in a year (big mistake – blew up w/in eight months) and have had two relationships since then, but none in the past 20 months.
I’d love to find a great lady, but I wrestle all the time as to whether I’ll marry again.
(P.S. Every desirable lady I meet is either married or otherwise involved – emphasis on “desirable!”

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:45 am

I hope to GOD I don’t find anyone else I know on that site.
That brings dating to an all time low :-(

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:46 am

“…caught my wife cheating when I was 43….”

Can someone please explain to me why women do this? I know why guys do this but why men?
It has been my dream to get married since I was a little girl and I am ever blessed with the opportunity, I will not fugg it up and do something like that.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:47 am

“…best job i had ever held…step-dad…trumps all the little things ..but thats just me….”

That’s awesome! :-)

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:48 am

Yeah Trevor: I heard that guys don’t feel it’s a good ROI because

they state the sex stops, the wife nags, and if divorce happens she’s gonna take the dude to the cleaners.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:50 am

oh and Trevor: Some guys don’t like it when the wife gains an exorbant amount of weight that she can’t lose.

There, I said it!

Trevor0529

November 23rd, 2010
9:51 am

Good Morning,

My divorce will be final shortly so I will be in the group of men who are newly divorced out there. However, I am not looking to fill the void of my STBX. I enjoy being single for now. I enjoy the freedom I have to do things I choose to do. Would I love to be married again? Absolutely. But only if and when the right woman comes along. Until then, I will enjoy what life has to offer.

bigdawg

November 23rd, 2010
9:52 am

Personally, I believe marriage should be a series of five-year renewable contracts! People DO grow apart. A recent article stated that 40 percent of Americans believe marriage is obsolete – and I tend to agree. I’m glad as hell to have my children. They are my reason for living. But, for a lot of folks for a lot of reasons, marriage just doesn’t work!

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:53 am

what is stbx?

blue®

November 23rd, 2010
9:54 am

@Rell – dontdatehimgirl.com 8O whoa…ok. amazes me how vindictvie some people will be, he did you wrong got it…i cant be bothered to raise my blood pressure that much, building a website and all – waayy more commitmant than i would wnat to claim lol. i would agree tho, that for the most part its about the sex, cause anything of sustaining value would imo, make you straighten out. but there is truth to being able to get sex anywhere….guys like that are why theres the website and why so many women jump on the men are dogs bandwagon…
@i am – there do seem to be plenty out there that dont seem to get the idea of compromise, and im with you, in that scenario seems as if he isnt dealing with any isruption, but will turn your life upside down. sigh, its the price you pay for the privilege to be with him :roll: :lol:
I wonder how many guys understand what it mean to take the WHOLE package when you involve yourself with a woman that has kid(s) – we are >>>here<<< on that one. had those same issues with mr.blue, and amazingly still do at times…

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:55 am

I would love to get married but at this late in the game, I’m just going to accept the fact that it may not be in my cards.
I am very very grateful I at least have my son :-)
where is Stanly so he can here me say I’m looking into getting cats. Maybe six of them

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:57 am

Blue: I understand the chick is hurt because the guy skipped out on the child and didn’t pay support. I get that part.
But by her building the website- makes her just as certifiable!

Jeff

November 23rd, 2010
9:58 am

I don’t mind being single. The occasional loneliness is easy compared to the loneliness that occurs when you’re in an unhappy relationship.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:58 am

The sweetest revenge you could ever get on anybody is showing you don’t care about them and doing everything you can to make yourself a better person and improving your life.

Trevor0529

November 23rd, 2010
9:59 am

I heard that guys don’t feel it’s a good ROI because they state the sex stops, the wife nags, and if divorce happens she’s gonna take the dude to the cleaners. Some guys don’t like it when the wife gains an exorbant amount of weight that she can’t lose.

Ok. From my viewpoint, all of this sounds like a lot of fear coming from some men about marriage. They need to just face their fear about marriage. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marriage. It is the person you choose to marry is the problem. Just my thought.

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
9:59 am

now the crappy part of being single: not feeding my libido :-(

Trevor0529

November 23rd, 2010
9:59 am

STBX – soon to be ex.

Sassy Me..Onward and Upward :-)

November 23rd, 2010
10:00 am

thats why…lying to females does not make you a player..it just makes you a fraud…true players..play the game fair…there is honesty in it. So ladies proceed with cautions when dudes are “dating”…that means his management skills are lackluster and your relationship and life will reflect it if you chose to go with that dude

Worth repeating. It’s nice to hear that from a male’s perspective…that’s what’s up. If there was more honesty and truth involved from the beginning alot of drama wouldn’t happen. Granted some women do it anyway only to get burned in the end. When a man lies to a woman he takes away her choice as to whether she wants to be a part of his rotation or not….some would never do that if given the choice…so just be upfront.

bigdawg

November 23rd, 2010
10:01 am

Blue: I prefer to date women with children. They understand when “something” comes up.

And about building that website: If that guy is that much of a loser, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass that his ex has created that website…it’ll only lead to the ex-wife getting an ulcer!

I am whatever you say I am

November 23rd, 2010
10:01 am

Maybe it’s fear but as a woman, when I hear how some women nag, say they are taking him to the cleaner in the event of divorce, stop sleeping with him, etc…. with all that going on how does that ease a guy’s fear?