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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Dating: Are you a good judge of character?

I believe the most effective way to improve your dating results is to be mindful of a person’s character. We can all be drawn to the outside but it’s the inside that makes us want to stick around.

I know we all put our best foot forward when we are meeting and exchanging phone numbers. Once it goes past the superficial things, it’s good practice to observe how a person handles situations, what their outlook on life is, and how compatible these things are to you.

Do you think that you are a good judge of character? How smart are you when it comes to figuring out whether or not the person is a good match to your personality and character?

I admit that I haven’t always trusted my judgment in the past. It’s partly why I get so cautious because I want to be clear on who the person is, as opposed to who I want them to be.

I think a lot of the dating misadventures we go through stem from the problems single people have figuring out who is a good match based on character.

How do you know when you are seeing a person’s real character?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

266 comments Add your comment

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
11:59 am

That will bring much more joy!

Melo – For whom, you? What do you care? :lol:

Rell

November 22nd, 2010
12:01 pm

Is anybody here

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
12:04 pm

@i am – As a matter of fact, I recently apologized to an ex for my actions and I wished him the very best and thanked him for the opportunity for allowing me to apologize – wow, dont think i’ve ever been imspired to do something like that. kind of a dont look back type of thing i guess. pat on the back for taking the mature road I Am!!

AmazonRed™

November 22nd, 2010
12:05 pm

LOL @ kimmie – I know right? :lol:

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:05 pm

And frankly, no matter the character, if you tell me upfront, you intents and it’s a no go for me, I would have mad love and respect for being honest. I, for one am not saying a person has to be what I want or desire, but just tell me. I may not be a good fit for you and vice versa. I just have a problem if you conform to all I say and like and really that ain’t you.

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
12:06 pm

mirror introspection – lol, some gender equality is that it?

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
12:07 pm

i pologiZe, celesia

will go siT in tha Korner now

SexyCool

November 22nd, 2010
12:08 pm

ARed – Cosign 1153a.

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:09 pm

Melo – My “personal responsibility” misadventures are actually rather boring. I lost one guy because I was too clingy and another because I was still a mama’s girl and he was looking for a real woman. Most of the time, I just chose wrong.

My bad.

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
12:10 pm

Celisea: When I say talent I mean your abilities to judge character. Not who you are as a person.

Slim: My question revolve around whether or not a chick is crazy first.

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:13 pm

For Real – When I initially mentioned “talent” I was talking about the inability to judge because folks are on stage. I answered the way I did when you posed the question to me because I’m not on stage when meeting people….what you see if what you get. So I answered the way I did…as it relates to my character.

Rell

November 22nd, 2010
12:15 pm

good points so far

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
12:16 pm

For y’all Kimmie!

when u have karma thoughts,that sounds angry. And anger in ur heart most likely is on the face too. Dudes can see it.

When u project happiness,it shows.

If uall blog ladies were within sight,I can tell who got some this weekend.

smiles,smiles and a lot of chatter about! :lol:

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
12:17 pm

i mean, really how far are you allowed to go with teh questions at the beginning? there’s but so far you can go without appearing crazy yourself, all else gets put on the shelf.

mirror introspection: lost mr.blue first time around over some stupid he said/she said mess where i paid too much attention to how embarassed i was than actually looking at the source of it all. things were repaired over time, and here we are today, but mr. & mrs.blue would be a much more impressive story if we stayed together the entire time from freshman year of high school, no splits in the middle.

Rell

November 22nd, 2010
12:21 pm

Thats why i hate question…folks have prepared answers…I just watch how they move.

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:22 pm

Melo – I can only speak for myself. The karma stuff, wishing bad on folks, I’ve never been into. I’m too scared. I’ve been hurt to my core by some men and while I can’t stand them, I let God deal with them. I don’t want to block what is meant for me. Only letting what some dude did in the past block my blessings is what will anger me. I agree that folks can see the anger written all over you. That’s when I take a break from dating until I get myself together.

It’s a lot of angry men walking around out here too, Melo. Some of them come on this blog spouting their anger.

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
12:22 pm

Celisea: I understand you were speaking on your character but there are two people involved and you just can’t sit there expect a person to change based upon your character. You have to participate and ask questions and not sit back and wait six months before you decide to ask a question.

SexyCool

November 22nd, 2010
12:23 pm

Welcome back, Rell. (lol)

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:24 pm

What’s shakin, Rell?

SexyCool

November 22nd, 2010
12:25 pm

Good point, Rell. Prepared answers. Doesn’t matter what you ask if a person has a *sales pitch* ready (especially these professional daters).

Rell

November 22nd, 2010
12:26 pm

@sexy – thanks

@kimmie – working and getting ready for the holiday, what about you

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:28 pm

Rell – Same here. Got a lot of baking to do! :)

Rell

November 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

@sexy…professional daters only have the job because of the market…lol. I think folks see it, but its the feeling of “here we go again” so we try to do things to cover up the flaws we see..hoping that this one will be different…dont hope, plan..then stick to it

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

What up Rell, at what point in a person’s development that they should be able to discern a “pre-packaged response” from a person. I mean I know when someone is doing a “dog and pony” show for me.

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

For Real….I think you’re getting lost in what I said. I know and understand there must be dialog. I was only saying that I agreed with the fact that you said most times you can listen and gather what you need in knowing a person intents or character. I went further to say that sometimes, just sometimes you might encounter a joker who’s talented beyond listening ears so sometime you have to allow time for what he didn’t disclose during the course of a conversation to rear itself. I mean c’mon, I old enough to know you can just SIT FOR MONTHS. What’s the point in talking up fronting if I’m just gonna wait everything out. We’re talking about judging character the inability to do so or where you’ve missed the mark….in those cases what came out most times is not what you assessed….That’s not with every incident. Yes, I agree you can pull the kill switch in many cases BECAUSE you listened.

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
12:30 pm

There u go Kimmie!

u been hurt? By who?

a break up don’t mean a dude hurt u,it probably hurt him too that it didn’t work. Maybe not as bad and softish as you, but hurt a the same.

U should view a break up as an opportunity to grow on what failed u in the prior relationship.

As for being clingy,I’ve seen many females burnt by this.I benched some females coz of being too clingy,simply coz we had s3x.

Let’s savor the s3x but it don’t mean we now Mr and Mrs!

Pleeeeeese! :lol:

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:31 pm

Can’t not can just sit for months…

Kimmy

November 22nd, 2010
12:31 pm

I am a pretty good judge of character. I met this guy. He was saying all the right things, but something about him didn”t seemed right. After a quick google search there it was. I ended that relationship instantly. It was just a little voice and I am glad I listened. The trouble is we sometime ignore our gut feeling. I think people reveal themselves over time. Usually it takes 3 months before you really know who you are dealing with.

SexyCool

November 22nd, 2010
12:36 pm

Announcement – ForReal is in possession of a 100% foolproof, cannot be deceived at any time ever, bllsht detector. It may be the only one in existence in the world.

I’m proud to say I know him….sniff, sniff…..

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:37 pm

For Real – I seriously doubt you’ve been spot on with every encounter or meet. Sometimes it’s when you age and grow and experience more, that fine tune your ears but of all your experiences you’ve NEVER miss the mark and was able to size it you all in one convo? Not buying.

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
12:38 pm

Scool: A sales pitch is a sales pitch… what I don’t understand is how you can discern a sales pitch for your money as a scam but fall for a sales pitch for your heart?

Celisea: Sounds like you want an excuse for the one or two times a dude made you fall for the banana in the tail pipe trick. That’s cool with me.

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:38 pm

For Real – Men ain’t the only BSers…(some)women have profected the craft :)

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:41 pm

For Real – Sounds like you want an excuse for the one or two times a dude made you fall for the banana in the tail pipe trick. That’s cool with me.

Not at all. Just saying there’s a hole in your theory. Don’t get personal.

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:42 pm

u been hurt? By who?

a break up don’t mean a dude hurt u,it probably hurt him too that it didn’t work. Maybe not as bad and softish as you, but hurt a the same.

U should view a break up as an opportunity to grow on what failed u in the prior relationship.

Melo – Just reading this made me sigh and feel tired. Yada, yada, yada! Don’t you think at this point in the game me, as well as other ladies, have heard all this before and know all this?

When I said a guy hurt me, I’m talking about the things he did that led up to the break up, not the actual break up itself. The “misadventures” with exes that I’ve spoken of over the years on this blog – they were not fun! Yes, they hurt! I’m not going to rehash them. They are in the past.

As for the clingy thing, I knew that was a mistake, in fact, I knew it while I was doing it, but that’s where my head was at the time. I had just lost my mom and I was vulnerable.

As for intimacy, I know just cause we did it we’re not suddenly getting married! But for me it is more than just a physical release. I know myself, that’s why I prefer to get to know man before I go there with him. I know me.

That’s the wonderful thing about being this age! I have wisdom, I know what I like and don’t like. And I don’t give a flip what anyone else says that I don’t care about!

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
12:43 pm

Scool/Celisea: Bask in my omnipresence…. Naw ain’t nothing on this planet is 100% including me and I never said I haven’t been fooled before (youth). My point is you don’t have to rely on your gut if you ask pertinent questions in the beginning.

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
12:45 pm

Celisea?

why don’t u give us personal examples so we can understand better and school u on so called men bull shutting?

lots of times female like the outward appearance,fall for the stick then holla loudly that they been deceived.

No sister,ur eyes had too much s3xuall hazy tears dimnishing ur vision!

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
12:47 pm

Melo – why don’t u give us personal examples so we can understand better and school u on so called men bull shutting?

I’m a believer you ain’t gotta convince me that men are BSers :)

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
12:49 pm

Thank u Kimmie for the admission on cling,u not alone in that mistake. So many females have traveled that road!

The things ‘he did’…these are things he liked but u didn’t like?

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:49 pm

Melo – And really a lot of times, there just isn’t anything much to learn from a past relationship. The ish just didn’t work! The 2 of you just weren’t going to go the distance. Doesn’t mean you did anything “wrong”. What was “wrong” in that relationship might be “right” for the next person.

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
12:52 pm

Now that 12.43 ain’t right.
U regressing

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
12:54 pm

Melo – “Things” – like putting a stalker virus on my computer or not caring when the police had to come to my house when the alarm went off, stuff like that.

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
1:00 pm

@kimmie – And really a lot of times, there just isn’t anything much to learn from a past relationship. The ish just didn’t work! The 2 of you just weren’t going to go the distance. Doesn’t mean you did anything “wrong”. What was “wrong” in that relationship might be “right” for the next person. – true true!!! break ups arent always a matter of he/she had faults they wouldnt correct. some people just arent for certain other people, and imo the mature approach is not to press into something that makes you both miserable.

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
1:07 pm

Uall bought ur turkeys already!?

I was at the Dekalb farmers market yesterday and it was chocksblocka packed in there!

SlimNumeroUno

November 22nd, 2010
1:11 pm

For Real – So give me some example Are you crazy questions…

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
1:12 pm

Kimmie: Stalker virus or he just cared about you and wanted to make sure you were okay and the only way he could accomplice that is to know every single thing you are doing. On second thought you might be right but after the po-po came and checked the place not much else to be done.

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
1:17 pm

Are you crazy questions:

1. How many kids do you have?

2. What do you think about the Chris and Space Alien thing?

3. How many licks does it takes to get to the center of a tossie pop?

4. Are you in a relationship with someone now?

5. Why are you wearing open toed shoes when it’s 25 degree outside?

Kym

November 22nd, 2010
1:31 pm

we had our office holiday lunch..I am full and sleepy..so what did I miss is For Real giving lessons..

SlimNumeroUno

November 22nd, 2010
1:32 pm

Are you crazy ANSWERS:

1. How many kids do you have? None unless u count my cat

2. What do you think about the Chris and Space Alien thing? I don’t

3. How many licks does it takes to get to the center of a tossie pop? I dunno bc I don’t eat em. Is it anything like, the number of licks it takes to make the CT crack it’s fanga knuckles?

4. Are you in a relationship with someone now? What is your def of a “relationship”? lol

5. Why are you wearing open toed shoes when it’s 25 degree outside? These aren’t opened-toed shoes…I hurt my knee dropping it like it’s hot the other night and I can’t get my feet to my mouth in order to bite my toe nails ;-)

Rell

November 22nd, 2010
1:40 pm

whats funny about the question is that it comes from a selfish place…we have those in place..because we dont want to get hurt or waste our time. Thats why i suggest you meet folks in the flow of your life…meaning activities you like, family/friends…meeting folks out and about is a crap shoot period…some people have poor follow up skills. The only questions we should ask folks is which direction in life are they going…the actions will show if they fit in your world or not..no need to dig

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
2:03 pm

looking like a ghost town in here, anyone left?