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Dating: Are you a good judge of character?

I believe the most effective way to improve your dating results is to be mindful of a person’s character. We can all be drawn to the outside but it’s the inside that makes us want to stick around.

I know we all put our best foot forward when we are meeting and exchanging phone numbers. Once it goes past the superficial things, it’s good practice to observe how a person handles situations, what their outlook on life is, and how compatible these things are to you.

Do you think that you are a good judge of character? How smart are you when it comes to figuring out whether or not the person is a good match to your personality and character?

I admit that I haven’t always trusted my judgment in the past. It’s partly why I get so cautious because I want to be clear on who the person is, as opposed to who I want them to be.

I think a lot of the dating misadventures we go through stem from the problems single people have figuring out who is a good match based on character.

How do you know when you are seeing a person’s real character?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

266 comments Add your comment

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
10:53 am

Wondering – Misery sure loves company, don’t you? :lol:

SlimNumeroUno

November 22nd, 2010
10:53 am

Wondering – um…blogsville is really like a place of worship, in that it’s we serve All and come as you are…With that said, we do also welcome the ignorant & strays. So come on in and cop a squat. :lol:

SexyCool

November 22nd, 2010
10:55 am

Initially, I was a non-judger of character in my naivity. I just assumed in an unassuming kind of way that people were good.

Experience is a tough schoolmaster. But…I learned. (Ya’ gone learn, lil mama. Ya’ gone learn.

I have learned that hints about a person’s character can be found in how they talk about themselves and those closest to them and the kinds of things that they talk about.

I have learned that character flaws can be disguised under flash and fluff.

I have learned that true character will always display itself….if you just give it some time.

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
11:06 am

I have learned that true character will always display itself….if you just give it some time.

SCool – This bears repeating. That is, if you are concerned about character and not just a momentary thrill. If not, jump right on in. But don’t go looking crazy later.

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
11:06 am

im thinking Fred must’ve had a bad reaction to that sugar-free caffeine-free candy…..

SlimNumeroUno

November 22nd, 2010
11:09 am

’sugar-free caffeine-free candy…..’

Sort of sounds like meatless meat :shock:

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
11:10 am

canny nachinE alSo duzn take bottle topz

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
11:10 am

What up Blog Fam!!!

1. Lets not confuse a person’s character with them being the one for you. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean that person is of bad character.

2. I don’t agree with the “only time will tell” mindset. I believe if you ask the right questions or choose the appropriate conversation you can gather alot about a person’s character in 10 mins.

3. 8-2!!!!!

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
11:17 am

I’m actually agreeing with C tha 1, I think I’m a pretty good judge of character overall but really when it comes dating and sizing things up about a person’s character you have to wait to see if what they say is what you see because frankly all the times you thought you hit it spot on, you missed something. I mean no, none of us are falling for the obvious man-hoes and those that are just out there with bad behavior. It’s those that say and do all the right things initially, is where you have to wait it out. I’m usually in tune with kinfolks, dirty coworkers and what not but just as I’ve pegged myself in general and most times on the money, more so can a man (or woman) with an agenda or ulterior motives conceal bad character.

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
11:18 am

@Slim – exactly…must have some those artificial sweeteners in there…must not be working well for the little guy…

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
11:21 am

so, religion question: are Catholics totally against the use of contraception?

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
11:23 am

“more so can a man (or woman) with an agenda or ulterior motives conceal bad character.” – Not if the right questions or conversation is had upfront. People love to talk about themselves so you have to decided to be a listener instead of a talker.

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
11:24 am

“are Catholics totally against the use of contraception?” – The priest are that’s why they use lil boys instead.

Kym

November 22nd, 2010
11:27 am

@blue..apparently so..they are trying to be more modern..but some folks are fighting it tooth and nail.

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:28 am

Blue: 9:37.. Maybe that’s why Fred is iggin me but I really thought he was a donkey

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
11:30 am

So let me ask u single ladies:

Does it therefore mean that all the guys who have passed up on uall have miss judged uall?

who in here is prepared to admit that they have been rightly passed over coz of your(their) character flaws?

should be an interesting confession(countdown) 10 8 9 7 6 5 4 3 2 go :arrow:

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:31 am

Fred: That wasn’t nice of you to bounce checks like that!

SlimNumeroUno

November 22nd, 2010
11:31 am

blue – the last time swiss and I touched upon Catholics, little boys and priests we got banned and had our posts thrown out…so don’t be surprised if…..

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
11:33 am

im looking at this article saying the Pope has said certain instances of condom use are appropriate such as a male pros. trying to prevent the spread of AIDS to his clients…wondering what they consider the greater grievance – the profession or the contraception?

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
11:34 am

For Real – I agree with #1. Yeah just cause it didn’t work doesn’t mean the person was not good…just not good for you.

#2? Rarely ever do you get the real Joe. And a good majority of the time, you can hear it. I’m a pretty good listener and I listen to what you say as well as what you didn’t say. If who you claimed to be is who you are then it’s easy. But ever so often you meet a talented one, a real joker, a real schisters. Even if you can hear it, you can’t call it until it’s out there. Sometime letting things play out ain’t all the time for you but sometimes it’s the let the jokers know, uh huh I see you.

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

“….2. I don’t agree with the “only time will tell” mindset. I believe if you ask the right questions or choose the appropriate conversation you can gather alot about a person’s character in 10 mins. …..”

True dat! I asked the right questions on my date on Friday, and knew immediately he is not the one for me.

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

@i am – yeah that could have something to do with it, he gets rea touchy when folks mistake him for a donkey….and whats this about bouncing checks?
@Slim – lol, i can only imagine how that convo went.lmao

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

But that’s not to say all are bad, there are some that are pretty decent….just want to put that out there.

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
11:35 am

@ iam DIN bounc nor chek – i TEl yu aWreddy – BAnc bouncd – #$%@!! banc

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
11:36 am

fREd iz a prety pony

Fred

November 22nd, 2010
11:36 am

I wan candee

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
11:36 am

I mean c’mon now, a great percentage of men are not on the up and up, how many will reveal that. I agree, you can weed out a lot of riff raff knowing what questions to ask…but sometimes talent goes a long way

Fred

November 22nd, 2010
11:38 am

fRed: nawwww nic steel mie name!

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:40 am

fRed watch your mouth or I will have you out plowing pastures!

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:40 am

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
11:42 am

Melo – Just because a guy chose someone else over me does not necessarily mean he misjudged me. Could be that I just didn’t do it for him. If he misjudged something about my character, there really was nothing I could do about it.

Sometimes there is just not an agreement in terms of personal values. I have my character flaws like everyone else. Nobody is perfect. So yeah, if he couldn’t hang, he was right to pass me by.

I am only interested in those that are interested in me.

For Real

November 22nd, 2010
11:42 am

“but sometimes talent goes a long way” – Where’s the talent on your side?

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
11:43 am

Ok,maybe not a character flaw but maybe u just wanted a fwb relationship only at that point.

geees,u sensitive!

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
11:44 am

Imposterater!!!

SexyCool

November 22nd, 2010
11:44 am

Stop with this Fred posting already. It was cute the first couple of times. Now it’s just silliness.

And yes, sometimes, a person’s character flaws can be evident in the initial stages, but really, more often than not, when a person is trying sell themselves, put their best foot forward, they are giving you, not only what they believe to be the best about themselves, they are giving you the best of who they *aspire* to be…even those who are not *running game*.

And most often, it is time that will prove whether they overpromised and are under-delivering.

There is nothing wrong or a character defect in allowing time to tell.

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
11:45 am

For Real – when I say talent goes a long way, I’m talking about performers and actors. With me, what you see is what you get. May not be what you like but it’s what you’re getting. I have the foresight to know that whatever I am is what will be revealed so I frankly don’t engage in pretense. Too much time and effort.

SlimNumeroUno

November 22nd, 2010
11:45 am

For Real – so what sort of questions do YOU ask? Beside the one disqualifying answer of “I want to get married”…?

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
11:45 am

heLP! iaM – amReD – bLue!! help!! imposTerater!

blue®

November 22nd, 2010
11:45 am

someone hijacked Fred…welll….didna see that coming…..

fRed

November 22nd, 2010
11:46 am

ooohhhh…noT aNuther day lik laSt TUsday

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:46 am

For those that past me by
either 1) they were not right for me
2) I was not right for them.
It’s a part of life and I’m cool with that because I’ve learned from experiences and for me, every relationship I have gotten into was always better than the last.
Whatever the case, I am a firm believer that when it is meant to be GOD will bring that person into your life and it will work out.

Celisea

November 22nd, 2010
11:46 am

Stop with this Fred posting already. It was cute the first couple of times. Now it’s just silliness.

AAAAAMEN That foolishness makes folks not want to blog. We’re trying to have a discussion and who wants to participate with that foolisness taking over. Gheesh.

WISE DIVA – That’s a name to be banned.

Fred

November 22nd, 2010
11:47 am

Fred: fRed! ur gong Downnn!!! HAHAHAHHAH

Melo!!

November 22nd, 2010
11:47 am

Kimmie?

a lot of times on this blog,it seems like the dudes are the ones who always pass up on a good chic,per uall testimonies.

He did me wrong
I wish him some karma etc

Uall females’ responsibility in this is never at the forefront!

Can we have a lil more of mirror introspection from uall

That will bring much more joy!

kimmie

November 22nd, 2010
11:49 am

Ok,maybe not a character flaw but maybe u just wanted a fwb relationship only at that point.

Melo – I’m not understanding you. What’s bad about that, especially if you let someone know upfront that’s all you want? If that’s all you want and someone says they are looking for more, thus passing you by, what’s wrong with that?

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:50 am

random:

How do you tell someoneyour coworker that they need speech therapy and that you will gladly pay for it.
I mean one can take so much of the winy extra nasal voice when not using her wanna be nicki minaj voice

AmazonRed™

November 22nd, 2010
11:53 am

Uall females’ responsibility in this is never at the forefront!

melo – Either way, I know I have good character. Whether the break up was my fault or his, I know I did right by that person at the end of the day.

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:55 am

this is exactly why I do not allow guns in my house :http://www.wsoctv.com/news/25870930/detail.html?cxntlid=cmg_cntnt_rss

Kinda think of it: I may need to get rid of my swords :shock:

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:55 am

I am whatever you say I am

November 22nd, 2010
11:57 am

“….He did me wrong
I wish him some karma etc…..”

Wrong! I wish my exes the very best. I like to keep the floodgates open for my blessings.
As a matter of fact, I recently apologized to an ex for my actions and I wished him the very best and thanked him for the opportunity for allowing me to apologize