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Foul play: Is text flirting considered cheating?

Another celebrity couple is splitting up. I know, it’s shocking how short the marriages are becoming. Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are ending their marrage and many reports say that inappropriate texting is part of the blame.

I am pretty sure the “textually active” behavior is a symptom of something way deeper than that. For arguments sake, do you believe that committed people should forfeit their “text” flirting and friendships out of respect to their relationship?

A lot of people don’t like sacrificing their “freedom” in a relationship but is something that insignificant really that important when you are committed to making your relationship last?

Would you consider flirting through texting a form of cheating?
When is it harmless and when does it cross the line?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

347 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 18th, 2010
8:38 am

g’morning……

If I’m in a relationship, I wish I might catch my ‘ol girl texting another dude bout anything!!!!
It’s harmless if you don’t mind me seein’ what ya sayin’!

Sweet Pea

November 18th, 2010
8:48 am

Good Morning 2C,

I agree with you..texting is no different than being on the phone with someone so yes I would consider it another form of cheating if there is flirting involved.

If you want to flirt then flirt with me and not someone else!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 18th, 2010
8:53 am

g’morning, Sweet Pea; how are you today? Is it cold in Atlanta?

Wise Diva

November 18th, 2010
8:53 am

Good morning folks!

I am not a super jealous person and I have my own male buddies that I text, so I don’t know if I would be bothered by my man’s texting behavior.

Makes me wonder though, when you are with someone, do you think they behave the same way when their SO is not around or when they are around? I ask because, I think some people expect that and I am not sure if that is realistic at all.

Derby

November 18th, 2010
8:58 am

If you are texting something and someone that you would not want your mate to see, then I consider it cheating. Matter of fact, if you hiding it then you know you wrong too! :-)

blue®

November 18th, 2010
9:06 am

Morning peoples,

id have to say yes. just like with phone calls, if whatever your texting is something you’d be concerned about me seeing, then time for you to clean it up. if you need to start taking calls out of the room and hiding your phone, acting like it didnt just chirp on an incoming message, then you’ve crossed the line

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:08 am

do you believe that committed people should forfeit their “text” flirting and friendships out of respect to their relationship?

Ah, YES!

but is something that insignificant really that important when you are committed…

Ah, YEAH!

Would you consider flirting through texting a form of cheating?

Ya damn skippy!

(I’ve been up since 4:30am…is it time to go to bed yet?)

Sweet Pea

November 18th, 2010
9:09 am

@2C~It’s Thursday and I’m feeling fine! It’s a little cool here. You’re in Panama City right?? Very nice area :)

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:11 am

2CPTG, let me talk to you for a minute.

Seeing the nature of this topic do you understand now?

I can’t just be doing things (i.e. email exchange) all willynilly that I don’t want my man doing behind my back.

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:12 am

Or in my face for that matter.

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:19 am

Flirting is not as harmless as many like to try to make you believe.
It, like other gestures, can and often do lead to other things.

I started getting a thing for my husband when he started flirting with me. Now look. Here we are 10 years later, married with kids. Not that it’s a bad thing. In fact in my case it’s an awesome. But I am just saying, flirting is not good. Especially when you actually know and is in company of that person.

If I flirted with Mr. 2, it goes nowhere beyond this board. I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me. However, even in not knowing each other, there is a limit. There is a line that should not get crossed out of respect for my marriage and my husband.

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2010
9:19 am

Good morning to everyone! We are almost close to the end of the week! :D

First thing I have to say is even if you are doing something that really is harmless from a female perspective men can’t really handle the truth so don’t tell on yourself if its not even that serious….

Second thing is you have to be clear about what cheating means for you and your partner. Some people don’t feel being flirtatious is a problem while other people might feel they don’t like their partner being flirtatious. Once you guys know where you stand on what is appropriate behavior then act accordingly.

Sweet Pea

November 18th, 2010
9:19 am

With all of the savvy technology out here, folks really think they can be clever enough to cheat without it being discovered…NOT If one’s intuition is tapping in then more than likely it will be discovered…texting, phone calls, FB, emails, smoke signals, I’m going to get some gas that turns into a longer trip to get some arse!!! :)

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
9:20 am

Morning all –

I was sad to read about Eva and Tony. Especially since it was stated that texting and Facebook contributed to the problem.

I don’t think texting and such is cheating, but it’s inappropriate and can lead to other problems. I don’t think your s/o would be thrilled to know you were contacting an ex, even just friendly chat, through texting and social media….

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:22 am

Oh yeah Mr. 2, I told my husband last night that if he didn’t stop being cynical with me I am going to marry someone else in my next life. He said he is going before me anyway so he will be there to make sure that I didn’t.

If you want to marry me, you have got to get there before him. LOL In like 52 years or so. :lol:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 18th, 2010
9:27 am

Raqi, of course I understand where you’re coming from….’notha lifetime, lil mama, notha lifetime…

Sweet Pea, yeah I’m down here in the Panhandle; however, I asked because I’ll be working out of our Atl office next week. Pray for me, I’m in line (at the forefront) for the IT Director’s job up there…….

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:28 am

Texting and social networking itself may not be cheating however an alcoholic had to take that first drink that put him on the road to being a drunk.

Chatting it up with an ex or known outsider may all seem harmless until you find yourself standing in the shower of a hotel room washing their sex off of you. Especially an ex because if you are keeping in contact there feeling that are still there and they know how to get next to you. Yeah that is taking it to the extreme but it happens like that more than folks will admit.

Sweet Pea

November 18th, 2010
9:28 am

@Raqi~Flirting is not as harmless as many like to try to make you believe.
It, like other gestures, can and often do lead to other things.

I agree as one person may think it is harmless, however the other half may think there’s much more to it and that’s where “it’s complicated” status takes place.

Mr_NYC

November 18th, 2010
9:28 am

G’morning.
Gotta ask yourself if you would say it and your SO not get offended it they heard it. Would you write it and your SO not get offended. Would you want the situation to be reversed and you come across your SO sharing the same sentiments with someone else.
Just because the message is electronic don’t change the situation.

Sweet Pea

November 18th, 2010
9:32 am

@2C…Will do!

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
9:36 am

SweetPea, exactly. Flirting isn’t usually just for no reason.

I flirted my way out of a ticket once. I wanted something (to not get a ticket) so I used my feminism to get out of it. I spoke very nicely to the cop and smiled my little sexy smile and bit my bottom lip like I sometimes do.

People flirt for a reason. When I was working companies that wanted to do business with us would sometimes send in a nice looking gentleman and/or an attractive woman, depending on who they had to convince. I found some of them to be the biggest flirts. All they wanted to do was close the deal.

That’s usually the some line of thinking when flirting with the opposite…exes, coworkers, strangers and all. Someone usually wants to close a deal.

Now imma go finish packing….

Celisea

November 18th, 2010
9:37 am

Text Flirting as with any other kind of flirting can lead to other things….so yes potentially harmful. If you don’t want it done to you then you’re fully aware you shouldn’t do to your SO…period. I can’t appreciate being your woman and you’re texting another and I certainly don’t want to be the woman getting texts while you have a woman. No thanks :)

blue®

November 18th, 2010
9:41 am

@NYC – Would you want the situation to be reversed and you come across your SO sharing the same sentiments with someone else. – works for me, that principle of treating others how you want to be treated applies to sooo many things…if your SO was behaving the way you are, would you be ok with it or trip out? but that takes being honest with yourself and about what you’re doing, and a lot of people dont want to do that….

Fion

November 18th, 2010
9:45 am

Hint: “ if you have to tell someone to keep their focus on you and not someone else,
maybe you don’t have them”.

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2010
9:50 am

2C have fun in ATL! I wish you the best of luck I hope you get it and it’s for you! :)

Another thing people have the tendency to have the guts to do things electronically they know they wouldn’t have the guts to do in public (i.e. internet/text message thugs, etc). So they tend to write/text salacious ish and then write it off like its nothing….

Celisea

November 18th, 2010
9:52 am

YSIC – So they tend to write/text salacious ish and then write it off like its nothing….

Yeah true…and if I can recognize the intent, you know it when you’re writing it.

Fion

November 18th, 2010
9:56 am

@RaqiV 9:36am “People flirt for a reason”.
I agree.
Lets be real ya’ll. All ya’ll grown folks know doggone well what time it is when you start
flirting, and more importantly you know where you want it to go and end up.

Mr_NYC

November 18th, 2010
9:57 am

Besides if you think about it many folks that are with each other now probably had some history of text flirting as the relationship jumped off. So how can you carry on that same way with someone else and all of s sudden pretend its meaningless.

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2010
10:05 am

@ Celisea that is true….b/c I can admit even I can be guilty of that even with my boyfriend I tend to text or write things to him I’m either to embarrassed to say for some reason or because I don’t want to seem confrontational…

This whole technological age is a blessing and a curse…really it makes everyone uber-accessible (if they choose to be technological), and makes things more impersonal…quite frankly I see more rudeness in this age than 15 years ago. Like America Ferrera says people leave their phones on the table and everyone involved in the conversation knows this person is only prepared to give THIS much attention to what’s going on b/c there are other things that their attention is divided towards and that’s rude.

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:08 am

What would you do if your ex started “poking” you on Facebook? Things did not end well and at last you heard, he/she was in a relationship?

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
10:11 am

YesShe, I agree about technology taking place of real communication. I have a cousin that says she can talk dirty to her boyfriend via text sitting next to him in bed but she cannot utter the words aloud.

The same goes for bullying folks. You hear stories about kids being cyber bullied yet those same kids pass each other in the hallways at school and don’t say a word.

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2010
10:12 am

@ Amazon Red I would block his arse if it didn’t end well. If it did end well (at least for me), I’d probably continue the poking war until I get tired. I currently have 6 poking wars going on and my sister is one of them so I probably get tired quick.

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
10:13 am

AmazonR, is ‘poking’ some form of flirting or assumed/implied gesture? I don’t do Facebook so I don’t know what it is.

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2010
10:14 am

@Raqi I was listening to Ricky Smiley this morning on the way to work and I hated to turn and go in to work today…..they had some excellent things to say about bullying….

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:16 am

LOL @ Cute. I hate the poking thing…besides, the only ones that ever poke me are my married friends/exes. It doesn’t happen often tho. I usually just remove it and go on my merry way.

@Raqi – “Poking” is supposedly away of saying hello, without actually saying it. Some people engage in “poking wars” where you just keep poking each other until someone concedes. And yes, it sounds a little dirty and can be a lil suggestive. :lol:

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
10:17 am

I disabled the comments feature on my blog because of hateful rude comments. I just don’t get grown folks being so petty. If you don’t like me do come by my “house”.

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
10:18 am

AmazonR, so it can be seen as a form of flirting when an ex or the opposite sex does it to you.

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:19 am

Raqi – I’ve seen some of the mean spirited comments. You handle them pretty well. What did this person say this time?

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:20 am

AmazonR, so it can be seen as a form of flirting when an ex or the opposite sex does it to you.

I think so. I’m sure some would argue it’s harmless. But I wouldn’t be pleased if my guy was poking his exes on FB. :lol:

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 18th, 2010
10:20 am

My view on the definition of any form of cheating is anything that you would not do if your mate was sitting right next to you.

I dated a girl once and saw some questionable text messages and you gotta charge them to the game when they do that.

Sassy Me..Onward and Upward :-)

November 18th, 2010
10:21 am

What would you do if your ex started “poking” you on Facebook?

He’s your ex for a reason…things ended bad and he’s in a relationship?…baby gurl you already know. Are you curious as to why he’s poking you and want to talk to him? I think possibly that’s the only reason you might even entertain the idea with a “what if” question. Don’t do it Ms. Celie(said in my oooold Sophia voice)

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
10:24 am

AmazonR, outside of she will be glad when my husband cheats on me because I am nothing but an adulterous woman? LOL A few comments wishing something bad happens to my kids.

Can SHE not come up with some new material? :lol:

Raqi V

November 18th, 2010
10:27 am

Is 10 pairs of lace panties and 5 pair of knee socks too many for a 3 day trip?

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:28 am

Sassy Me – The question was what would YOU do. :lol:

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:28 am

@Raqi – That’s just nasty. I think it was wise to disable the comments.

Of course, I’d be happy if you posted pictures of Elizabeth everyday anyway! Who could possibly hate on that?!

Simple Man!!!!!

November 18th, 2010
10:29 am

Morning Ared!!!
Morning Class!!!

On Topic…….

There is a Gray area that folks seems to be missing here….I am by nature, a Flirty person. Because that is part of my personality, women that I am involved with have to take that into account when viewing my activities. Knowing your mate and trusting that they respect the boundries of the relationship are, for me, more important than accross the board , absolute rules….

AmazonRed™

November 18th, 2010
10:30 am

Good morning Simple Man. :)

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 18th, 2010
10:37 am

@SimpleMan

“I am by nature, a Flirty person.”

I think this might be in your mind…are you a flirty person when your mate is around like at a holiday party, or social event? Probably not. Will you change this for the right woman or is this engrained in your personality forever? Just curious.

Sassy Me..Onward and Upward :-)

November 18th, 2010
10:38 am

Who could possibly hate on that?!

Some old sad miserable soul with nothing better to do would. That’s wrong to wish bad on other people especially children. But if a person is going out of their way to be nasty to you they’ve got to be jealous of you in some way…but to deliberately come to your blog just for that is petty for real.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 18th, 2010
10:43 am

M. @ 10:37

Thats the thing….I am always flirty and playful with women. Now there is a line and when I am in a relationship I respect that line. But for me, respecting that line does not meandismissing a part of my personality. For me the keys are always the same. I must and do respect my partner, and she must trust me to do just that…