Dating warning signs: Wake up to the break-up
Have you ever dated someone and thought things were going great and then out of nowhere they dump you? It’s probably not so much “out of nowhere” but because you weren’t paying attention, it felt that way. I have been there before and that whole “hindsight is 20/20″ thing came into play. There were signs and I didn’t see them.
If you aren’t the type to fight, break up, make up ..rinse/repeat, then you may end up in these situations when you couldn’t see the expiration date on your relationship. When think about a break-up you went through, did you see the beginning of the end? What were your warning signs that it was OVER?
If you figure out things are headed to splitsville, would you try to put things back on track before it all comes undone? When do you know that it’s not worth fixing? How do you figure out if it’s worth fighting for?
Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog
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324 comments Add your comment
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:20 pm
Gouda, it has to be a guy thing.
Kym, my husband has an agreement with the boy that he would go to him when he thinks he is ready to take that step. Mase has assured him that he will not ‘punish’ him or anything for telling him. At the age he is the only acceptable answer for him would be “don’t do it”. However I don’t want another grandchild so making sure he is protected is the next best thing to do.
My husband has already talked to him about the use of condoms and how to properly use and dispose of them.
I am hoping, hoping, hoping, that he did not tell him he is ready and wants to buy condoms.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:21 pm
Pump your brakes, blue. You know that’s a true story. Lady lost her kid…
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:22 pm
(said in my Robert Downey from Tropic Thunder voice)
blue®
November 16th, 2010
3:23 pm
@swiss – well i was thinking specifically of the Seinfeld episode where that was Elaines line…but yeah, there was a true story along those lines…all kinds of oddball trivia stuck in both our heads i see
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:24 pm
me I’m going to Disney World
LOL Kym.
Girl, it ain’t fun at all. My oldest AND the baby’s mother used to try those tricks of dropping the grandbabe off here. I told them I don’t think so. They don’t live in Georgia anymore so no need to drop lil Jr. off. When he had to move in a one bedroom apartment when I stopped helping him pay rent he was saying how there was no where for the grandbabe to sleep. I told him put him the bed between yall.
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
3:25 pm
Dingo!!!
Dingo!!!
Dingo!!!
Dingo needing viagra. Bwahahahha!!!!1
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:25 pm
“I am hoping, hoping, hoping, that he did not tell him he is ready and wants to buy condoms.”
But if that is the case, you should be relieved that he actually came to talk about it & is approaching it in as responsible a manor as possible. Most kids would just not say anything & go raw.
Kym
November 16th, 2010
3:26 pm
@Raqi..I told my son I would get him condoms or make sure he had condoms if he got to that point..he knows all about HIV, herpes, and has seen more than enough pictures of the results of sexually transmitted dieases(I am all about reality) I told him with sex comes responsiblility. So if he goes out there doing the do..be prepared for the reality of what happens when he does. We even talked about bjs(can I say that here) because apparently that is the new form of not having sex..and these little girls are doing all kinds of stuff to get attention. I already found him looking at porn and according to one of my friends her son was copying his Dad’s DVD’s(porn) and trading them with friends at school.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:27 pm
blue — Oh I don’t know if that’s really true or not, I was just quoting from Tropic Thunder…
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:31 pm
“We even talked about bjs(can I say that here) because apparently that is the new form of not having sex..and these little girls are doing all kinds of stuff to get attention.”
Yeah, young folks don’t consider oral s3x to really be s3x. (Thanks, Bill.)
I read an article a few years back about these “virginity pledges” that were a big thing a while back (maybe still are?). They did a study and found that girls who took these virginity pledges, while less likely to have vaginal intercourse, were many times more likely to have anal intercourse.
I guess everybody always looks for a loophole…
Kym
November 16th, 2010
3:31 pm
@Raqi..sounds good to me. Again you made that youngin not me..good luck homie!
blue®
November 16th, 2010
3:32 pm
@Raqi/Kym – the boy is 12, and im too scared to think about the conversation you two are having, so i have chosen to stick my fingers in my ears, hum to myself, and act like it doesnt exist….lala la….
@swiss – now i saw Tropic Thunder, and cant remember that part for nothing, lol. but yeah, true story. mom swore up and down it had been the dingos, nobody believed her. she actually did time, 4 years, till they found the babies clothes in a dingo den, and then she was finally released.
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:32 pm
Gouda, yeah I know but I still would rather that he not did it all right now.
Him choosing the lesser of the two evils is best I can ask for I guess.
He’ll be 16 in February. I do know that my husband did tell him how he tried it for the first time at 14 and it didn’t go that well. He didn’t do it again until he was 16.
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:35 pm
Yes Kym, we have discussed the oral favors also. You are right about kids now days thinking that as long as there is no genital penetration it’s not really sex.
I personally told him that he can have a baby and only have to take care of it for 21 years, but AIDS is something he will die with.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:36 pm
And the other thing, Raqi… If that is what he talked to your hubby about & your hubby told you, he’d never tell either one of you anything else ever again…
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:37 pm
he’d never tell either one of you anything else ever again
Gouda, I know.
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
3:39 pm
“….her son was copying his Dad’s DVD’s(porn) and trading them with friends at school……….”
At that is why there is the Internet
Mental note to self: Delete cookies for when little I am gets old enough to surf the net
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:40 pm
Blue, you keep right on doing that and see what it gets you. My oldest son started at 14 with the very little that I told him he was going to want to do it with. He denied that he would want to do it with her and he denied doing it with her up until I caught them. And I talked to him about sex.
What do you think not talking is going to do? 12 is the perfect age to start talking. In fact in this day and time you are 2 years behind.
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
3:42 pm
It’s sad the times that we are living in.
Growing up…the worst that would really happen would be the girl would get pregnant or you would have to go get a dose of penicillin.
Nowadays, I am fearful thinking of the time my son decides to have sex. Lucky me he’s only 2 but the thought of him having sex terrifies me because so many more people now have HIV.
Scary thought.
I will have the talk with him early. I will preach abstinence, but I am not stupid. I will teach him about condoms
blue®
November 16th, 2010
3:42 pm
@Raqi – in seriousness tho, how did you and or your husband approach the topic with your son? tried to get mr.blue to talk to the boy and he shys away from it saying he’s still got time. pressured him into one day cause the boy had come home talking about girls in his 6th grade class were pregnant…and lets say that did not go well…the 3 of us in the living room, and i try to drop the hint of talk to him and make my discreet exit, and mr.blue just blurts out with me right there “so, you having any jimmy problems?”…was all down hill from there, finally had to jump ship altogether cause the boy was obviously confused/mortified
Melo!!
November 16th, 2010
3:45 pm
Raqi-maybe u gonna be a grandma again!
Hilarious really!
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
3:47 pm
“so, you having any jimmy problems?”
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
3:50 pm
I think 8 year old is a good time to start to talk about it but leaving out the graphicness for when they get a little older.
Honestly, if you think about it, you begin talking about sex when you introduce potty training…. So as they go up in age, you should progress more with the topics-age appropriate of course.
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
3:52 pm
Blue, one night I heard the boy up and went to see what he was doing. He was changing the sheets on his bed. Something happened and he didn’t understand what so he tried to hide it by changing his sheets. The next morning I told my husband what happened and that I thought the boy had a nocturnal emission. He said he would find out and I was right.
He told him exactly what it was that happened and why it happens and all that. We just started by telling him how the body changes and the feelings he will start to get and how to handle those feelings.
With my oldest I don’t when his n/e started but I do know when he started liking his son’s mother and that’s when I started talking to him about sex. I think where I went wrong with him is I told him about condoms but I was not willing to offer to buy them. So when he started having sex he didn’t use anything but a condom here and there that the girl took from her dad’s nightstand. I didn’t keep condoms in my house so even if he looked he didn’t find any.
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
3:53 pm
If you are really tongue tied about the subject, you can always enlist the help of Dave Chappelle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZHTFsw2Eqg
Melo!!
November 16th, 2010
3:56 pm
my co-worker has two adopted kids,a 10 year old boy and an older girl.
the boy was found out byrne house nanny looking at porn. They both go to a Christian pvt school.
The dad gave him a buttock nicety.
He(dad) was telling me,a girl from his school had been calling the house…..and be4 the porn incident,one day when dad was within earshot,lil dude asked for privacy so he could talk to chic on the phone!
these spolit brats!
Celisea
November 16th, 2010
4:02 pm
blue – Your 2:45….yeah I guess if doing her own thing makes her feel better about allowing a dude to straight piss all over her is a high price to pay. Forget payback, get back and revenge. It’s just sweet enough for me that no matter what you say or ask for that matter I’m done and have eternally dismissed you….of course being that’s done prior to the STDs and babies and when he felt she was worth keeping. Heck after all this time and about time to get off the ride, taking a stand probably little to nil effect.
blue®
November 16th, 2010
4:03 pm
@swiss – it was funny and sad at all the same time…im trying not to bust out laughing, giving mr.blue the WTF look, and he keeps going “jimmy problems, wang trouble, stiffies, woodies…stop me any time here if its ringing any bells” and the boy is looking confused and like he’s gonna be sick all at the same time. i started to excuse myself and the boy gives me the ”
DONT LEAVE ME” look. we got absolutely nowhere.
@Raqi – when do they start having those n/e’s? havent seen any signs that theres anything going on with him that he doesnt understand, but never know what exactly is running thru his head. may need to borrow your hubbie, mine says his dad grabbed a playboy and left it at that, lol. told him thats probably how mr.blue himself got here, using playboy as the sole educational tool. we’re not heading that route
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
4:03 pm
One of my ex sister-in-law’s son was suspended from school at 6 for putting his hands in one of the girls panties. She let him but he got suspended. And then she caught him emulating sex (dry humping) with another little girl in their back yard. So even at a young age you have to teach them like it is. Yes age appropriate but real all the same.
Imma tell Elizabeth when she goes to preschool don’t let those little boys (or girls) touch her anywhere that is a private place. I am going to show what those private places are. And I am going to tell her don’t let anyone tell her to touch them in their private place. Boys, girls and TEACHERS. If they do let me and her father know. This will start at preschool age.
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
4:03 pm
Anyone remember how when you’re a freshmen in college, they are throwing condoms in your face left and right?
Well, my first break home from school as a freshman, I had a suitcase filled with them. My younger brother was watching me unpack and was like a little boy gone wild in a candy store when I gave him the condoms.
LOL!
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
4:05 pm
And here comes that little secret keeper now. LOL And there he goes up the stairs.
He gone tell me what his problem is. LOL
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
4:05 pm
It’s also important to teach boys not to let anyone touch them.
We have to warn them about child molesters
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
4:07 pm
Blue, my husband said they start at different ages. As young as 10. Had the boy not been up changing his sheets I would not have known.
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
4:12 pm
Heck as much time as that boy spends in the shower now I would be surprised that he has anything left in him (seaman and energy) to do anything with any girl. LOL
I used to have to make him get back in the shower and bath for real after his 1 minute bird baths, now I have to make him come out after being in there close to an hour.
You all have a great evening.
Raqi V
November 16th, 2010
4:14 pm
Yes I know I spelled it wrong. LOL
Good night.
I am whatever you say I am
November 16th, 2010
4:15 pm
“…his 1 minute bird baths…”
LOL! What is with guys and bird baths. LOL!
blue®
November 16th, 2010
4:17 pm
@Raqi – thanks for the info. gotta push mr.blue at it again. told him we may have to look up something on youtube or somewhere lol, of some Leave it to Beaver type dad having the convo, give him a model to follow, lol
Celisea
November 16th, 2010
4:18 pm
That’s what I told my baby. I lifted skirts, shirts and pulled down pants and said these are all private places and NOBODY sees or touches but mommie…teachers, preachers, friends, kinfolks….NOBODY. I remember her looking at me sooo strange when her pediatrician lifted her shirt after her boobies/knots started growing. I had to tell her the doctor can look as long as mommie is present. Now I gotta teach hey, those same secret places are still secret places and not for expose for the teenage dude tryna get peek/touch/touch/feel.
Melo!!
November 16th, 2010
4:21 pm
how would a daddy be viewed, writing like Raqi is,(4.12) about his daughter?
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
November 16th, 2010
4:22 pm
“I would be surprised that he has anything left in him (seaman and energy)…”
Speaking as a former 15-year-old boy, I can tell you that they have an unlimited supply of both.
blue®
November 16th, 2010
4:43 pm
>>> tap dancing around in all this here empty space <<<
Kym
November 16th, 2010
4:45 pm
Are we still on teen sex or have we moved on.. I don’t want to cook tonight.
blue®
November 16th, 2010
4:49 pm
got no topic Kym, just me tap dancing around……trying to convnce myself into staying an extra hour…arrggg
Kym
November 16th, 2010
4:52 pm
Awww…hang in there..
SlimNumeroUno
November 16th, 2010
4:53 pm
Raqi – my 9 year old lil cousin is in the bird bath taking stages. It’s so funny when i hear his mom yelling to him, “I don’t hear no water running”. And if he exits too fast she’ll go in there and be like, “Your back is not even wet!…nor is the soap!” ..funky lil behind..So I told him I would nickname him Triple D for Doo-Doo Drawers and threatened to make t-shirts for him too.
Kym
November 16th, 2010
4:54 pm
Apparently little boys are only into being clean when they start liking little girls. Then again some of these little girls are funky too.
blue®
November 16th, 2010
4:57 pm
@Slim/Kym – i was gonna say that whole “Your back is not even wet!…nor is the soap!” gotta do that with my older daughter, just turned 10. gotta sniff her when she comes out “how come i dont smell any soap, only on your hands?”. never thought id have that convo with the girls . had to remind her, gonna be some things around the corner that she cant survive without washing, lol
Kym
November 16th, 2010
5:04 pm
My niece does the same thing will not fully wash…I always tell her when she is here…little girls should not smell like puppies.
blue®
November 16th, 2010
5:13 pm
sunny day..sweeping the clouds away…on my way to where the air is sweet……
evy
November 16th, 2010
5:17 pm
you can make it, blue – you can make it!