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Dating warning signs: Wake up to the break-up

Have you ever dated someone and thought things were going great and then out of nowhere they dump you? It’s probably not so much “out of nowhere” but because you weren’t paying attention, it felt that way. I have been there before and that whole “hindsight is 20/20″ thing came into play. There were signs and I didn’t see them.

If you aren’t the type to fight, break up, make up ..rinse/repeat, then you may end up in these situations when you couldn’t see the expiration date on your relationship. When think about a break-up you went through, did you see the beginning of the end? What were your warning signs that it was OVER?

If you figure out things are headed to splitsville, would you try to put things back on track before it all comes undone? When do you know that it’s not worth fixing? How do you figure out if it’s worth fighting for?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

324 comments Add your comment

evy

November 16th, 2010
8:59 am

first!

ah ha ha ha ha!

c’mon, fred – let’s have a look around…

fRed

November 16th, 2010
9:00 am

we find candy?

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 16th, 2010
9:06 am

g’morning…..

“What were your warning signs that it was OVER?” —- in the words of the famous, Pimp C, you know it’s over when, “all we do is fugg and fight.” Is it worth salvaging? I’on know, only YOU can answer that.

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:06 am

no! no candy…coffee. fred! don’t drink that!

fRed

November 16th, 2010
9:06 am

mmmm…cannnnndy…

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:07 am

okay, who told fred that the amaretto creamer is candy?! like he isn’t challenged enough already…

Simple Man!!!! Standing on the sidelines......Watching.....

November 16th, 2010
9:16 am

Morning Peeps!!!

Anyone that says the did not see the breakup coming is either Blind or in Denial….My best tactic??/if i see it coming early enough, i thy to get us to a better place so ther is a chance to recover….If I see it late or realize that there is no real hope… I am going to ask her to do that thing we saw on the skin flick the other day…..

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:18 am

one for the road, simple? lol

mornin, dear!

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:22 am

blue®

November 16th, 2010
9:25 am

Morning All…..yawwwnnn….
FRED!!! What are you doing??? and why does your tail look so thin….it looks like someones been pulling hair out??….ceremony?….i am and simple….wait a minute slow down…arrggg evy, why’d you give him all that coffee, cant understand a word he’s saying!!!

on topic: i was most often the breaker-upper so not always a lot of signs to see from the other side, but seems to me a lot of times they had to see it coming. the more distance your SO puts in there, be it physical or emotional, the more likely it is they are preparing themselves for their exit strategy…

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:25 am

so, simple – were you ’standing on the sidelines watching’ during last night’s ‘ceremony’? not quite sure what went on here, but i hear there was talk of demons and witches, and it seems fred may have been ensnared…

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:26 am

@ blue: i beg your pardon, madam – i did not give fred any coffee – but he did guzzle about a pint of amaretto…i think he swallowed the container on the last one…

Kym

November 16th, 2010
9:28 am

Good Morning All,

I am gonna lurk on this one..

Sassy Me..Onward and Upward :-)

November 16th, 2010
9:32 am

When think about a break-up you went through, did you see the beginning of the end?

Yes I saw it but thought we could work it out by sharing and communication but it didn’t work out that way. We were/are in two different places in our lives…point blank. I didn’t feel like we were equally yoked, so I tried to encourage him but it didn’t work out like that.

What were your warning signs that it was OVER? Maaan I don’t want to go there so early in the morning and personally I’m moving onward and upward….refuse to lok back with sooo much to look forward to.

Sassy Me..Onward and Upward :-)

November 16th, 2010
9:33 am

*look* back…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 16th, 2010
9:33 am

morning, evy.

kimmie

November 16th, 2010
9:36 am

Morning Lovely People!

I’m very intuitive. So I’ve never had a breakup to blindside me. Even if things are supposedly going “well”, even if you’re not fighting, most of the time I can just feel it if it’s not right, long before dude starts checking out. Now I have been blinded by the METHOD or TIMING of the breakup, but I can’t honestly sit here and say I didn’t think something was coming.

When I get these feelings, I do absolutely nothing to salvage. I’m an “either it’s working for you or it’s not”. I’m not gonna try to MAKE someone love me. It has to flow natural for me or not at all. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me and if over the time we’ve spent together you feel I’m not it, by all means, Keep It Moving. I wish you the best!

evy

November 16th, 2010
9:38 am

@ kimmie: good morning to you, and well said.

kimmie

November 16th, 2010
9:44 am

Morning evy! :)

blue®

November 16th, 2010
9:44 am

@evy – a pint of amaretto? ickk, that just sounds nasty…
@Simple Man – mail call

seems to me, that a serious relationship you’ve got to know somethigns wrong, even if you cant put your finger on it. their distant, noncommunicative, sometimes just little things that seem off from where there were before, but thats assuming that you’re actually paying attention. i think a lot of times folks see the little signs along the way but convince themselves it isnt what they think it is, simply out of denial of stubborness. but when the big wham comes for them it was no surprise. now i guess there are some folks that literally it comes out of teh blue, but i cant see being that oblivious to your surroundings that you dont see anything amiss….

I am whatever you say I am

November 16th, 2010
9:50 am

with my last boyfriend (been single for about a year now) I think the sign of a break up was when he was doing something out of the oridinary.
Anything that raises alarm as to red flags…yep a break up is in the horizon.

I was hurt by it (and maybe still am) but I think that maybe it saved me from future heartache later down the road.
In short: we just weren’t compatible and now I am meeting more people that I could possibly be compatible with.
I am open to the possibilities

I am whatever you say I am

November 16th, 2010
9:52 am

Evy….Keep an eye on fred.
He’s been up to questionable behavior lately: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3jsWbVg2lA

I am whatever you say I am

November 16th, 2010
9:53 am

Blue: amaretto sours are the bomb! Sssshh…Don’t tell Fred!

I am whatever you say I am

November 16th, 2010
9:54 am

Blue: Simple asked and how could I resist :mrgreen:

blue®

November 16th, 2010
9:55 am

@i am – im with you on the amaretto sours, i like extra cherries in mine…but a whole pint of amaretto creamer sounds like bad juju…dont need a pony puking all over the place….um, so what is this about a ceremony, what did yall do to him, he’s all tweaky and wierd…well wierder

Celisea

November 16th, 2010
9:56 am

Have you ever dated someone and thought things were going great and then out of nowhere they dump you? It’s probably not so much “out of nowhere” but because you weren’t paying attention, it felt that way

Can’t say I’ve been there….as it relates to relating. Other things maybe but not theotherhalf/SO/yingtoyang stuff. Because what works on our behalf most time is natural instinct, a message or the message is always sent….if you say you didn’t get the memo you chose to ignore it. Sometimes the message is overt, sometimes subtle but none the less it’s there. At this point,I’m good at yanking the life line. I can’t say it’s always been something I wanted to end but there’s something in me that won’t let hang on…that wreaks of desperation. I don’t do pity love or mercy love. I’m not one either for doing things just for the heck of. You don’t want to be there? Then I don’t want you to be there either. Sort of felt like being “resolved” to move on. I can say though once I moved on and got over it, I found myself to be all the better for doing so.

Celisea

November 16th, 2010
9:57 am

yikes, sorry about the bold

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 16th, 2010
9:58 am

Good day.

I think after the honey moon phase goes away, people always have in their mind an expiration date if things dont get better.

I think the signs are there alot of times but we lie to ourselves and ignore the signs.

“What were your warning signs that it was OVER?”

One huge warning sign is when they start to use work as an excuse of why they are so busy, especially if they made time for you previously.

“When do you know that it’s not worth fixing? How do you figure out if it’s worth fighting for?”

I know when its not worth fixing if it seems like I am doing all the work and she is making no effort. I think it may be worth fighting for if you two are going through a wave right now. If this continues and the stress levels increase, just end it and move on.

I am actually more comfortable ending things with women now because we are both adults and our time is valuable.

evy

November 16th, 2010
10:01 am

@ i am & blue: oh, my! i hereby relinquish any and all responsibility for dear fred – i am not qualified as a camel-wrangler…did that by any chance have anything to do with last night’s ceremony?

Fion

November 16th, 2010
10:03 am

You’ve got to use your Kenny Rogers voice “you gotta know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em”

czBrat

November 16th, 2010
10:05 am

HiYas!

haven’t been dumped since i was 14. but i can answer these …
When do you know that it’s not worth fixing?
when you’re the only one who wants it fixed.
How do you figure out if it’s worth fighting for?
if you’re the only one fighting, it ain’t.

Kym, you still lurking? just “hello!” :)

Fion

November 16th, 2010
10:09 am

This is that fine line in dating that seems to get everyone in trouble. Investing too much time (in/with) the wrong person.
Simply, you’ve got to see things as they are and not as you would hope for them to be.

East Point's Own

November 16th, 2010
10:10 am

What about the situations where there is what seems to be a small problem to one person, but the other person is disturbed enough by that issue to break up? In such cases one might not know that a break up is pending. I have been on both ends of that situation so I can say that it is possible to not know a break up is coming. Even with good communication sometimes its hard for a person to understand how huge an issue is to you when they see it as minute.
In other words,You may know that there is an issue to deal with but you don’t know you are about to lose the other person.

blue®

November 16th, 2010
10:10 am

off topic: got a letter from the county where my custody agreement was settled, their taking my ex to task over his unpaid child support….Ah Ha!! yes a small sense of satisfaction in that, but now wondering how am i gonna get to Jersey on such short notice…..(feel like Stewie now “Victory Is Mine!!”)

evy

November 16th, 2010
10:14 am

every couple goes thru ups and downs (if they stay together long enough, anyway), but if only one of you is working on it – or if you’re in a serious downward spiral; y’know, when the downs last longer and longer and come closer and closer together…after a while, the ups can kinda become just a fond memory.
if you realize the relationship is circling the drain, i think you owe yourselves at least a reassessment, while there’s still a chance (if you can’t work it out) to perhaps end it with a little grace and amity rather than staying together because one or both of you can’t admit that you can’t make it work…why stick it out just to kill each other slowly?
imo, no relationship is better than a bad one, and there is life after breaking up – especially if you handle it without all the enmity and vindictiveness that too often accompanies (and lives on after) you say goodbye.

Leggs

November 16th, 2010
10:14 am

Good morning….

Leggs

November 16th, 2010
10:14 am

Good morning….

SexyCool

November 16th, 2010
10:14 am

Leggs

November 16th, 2010
10:15 am

Sheesh….can someone come over to my office right now and give me a hug? Regis and Kelly just called and I didn’t watch the show last night (I tape it). I couldn’t answer the question and blew a trip to Hawaii……

Celisea

November 16th, 2010
10:17 am

No matter the page you on…whether with them or not…if someone don’t want to be there while at the same time something is almost a nonissue for you….the signs will still be there. Maybe BECAUSE you’re not in tune you miss it but the signs are there. I could be wrong but I can see someone wanting to leave, be done, do want to do it (the relationship) anymore and stil produce the same face and efforts as they would if they’re all in. Just my opinion though.

czBrat

November 16th, 2010
10:17 am

from the POV of a habitual dumper, it’s much like M. said. if you pay attention to the way i’m just not up for the stuff we used to do together or i always find something to do that doesn’t include you … i’m very close to canceling your contract.

blue, if jersey is anything like ga the “taking to task” could still be a process of several years. my ex makes ONE payment every time they threaten jail, license suspension or garnishment because he has figured out that ONE payment is all it takes to get them to back off. so after more than ten years of this little dance they do, he still owes tens of thousands.

SexyCool

November 16th, 2010
10:18 am

Leggs – {hugs} :(

Celisea

November 16th, 2010
10:18 am

you’re not you….

Celisea

November 16th, 2010
10:19 am

okay….what’s wrong with me today…I meant I CAN’T see someone wanting to be done and DON’T want to do it anymore…

Kym

November 16th, 2010
10:19 am

@czBrat Hello lady! I am still lurking..trying to work today and do right

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 16th, 2010
10:21 am

Leggs — Seriously?

evy

November 16th, 2010
10:21 am

@ blue: glad to hear that he’s being held accountable, and i hope that works well..

@.brat, dayum! really?! and you haven’t had him ’seen to’? lol yer a better man than i am, gunga din…

Leggs

November 16th, 2010
10:21 am

Thanks, SexyC! Lil leggs will be bummed…ok, dusting myself off, moving onto the next contest. I did win $500 as a consolation prize. Have to not dwell on Hawaii, but man it’s HAWAII….ok ok, sniff, sniff….NEXT!!!

Kym

November 16th, 2010
10:22 am

Awww Leggs….sorry…

Leggs

November 16th, 2010
10:23 am

@i’m swiss ~ SERIOUSLY….sniff, sniff!