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Dating predicament: Tell on the two-timer?

I am never surprised when I hear of a dating relationship ending because someone is caught two-timing. Atlanta offers a lot of “options” to people that make it easy to go back to the “single buffet” when your plate is already full.

It’s happened to me before and it definitely stings when you find out. Despite the disappointment, I am always happy to have found out when I did. I think technology is making it harder to pull off the shady behavior that comes with juggling multiple relationships. Between Facebook, twitter, and all our fancy pants smart phones, a cheater has to be really crafty to go undetected. Ah, but that doesn’t stop them from trying.

Why is it so tempting to carry on full-fledged relationships with people? I always want to ask the people, “Aren’t you exhausted from all the lying and juggling around?”

Even when you try to avoid all that two-timing drama in your own love life, sometimes you are stuck in other people’s drama. Recently, I saw a woman my guy friend was really serious about at the Hartsfield-Jackson holding hands with some man.

It took me the entire ride to baggage claim before I got the courage to send him the text message: “Hey are you still seeing < shady woman's name > ?”. I felt awful shattering his image of her. What would you do?

Is it a good idea to tell on someone when you know they are lying? Would you want to know?

196 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 12th, 2010
9:10 am

g’morning…..

ummmm, Mind yo business, Diva! ain’t yo place to be snitchin’……if dude ain’t got the wherewithal to find out on his own, then that’s on him, not you!

SlimNumeroUno

November 12th, 2010
9:16 am

Morning and happy fun friday to all!

Smooches to you sweetie 2C

Um Diva, now you know you have to tell us the rest of the story. What was the guy’s response? Did he say he was still seeing her? If so, then what did you tell him? What was the outcome once you broke the news to him?

Delight23

November 12th, 2010
9:19 am

Bom dia peoples!!! It’s FRIDAAAAAY.

“Um Diva, now you know you have to tell us the rest of the story. What was the guy’s response?” :<: :?: Yeah, what Slim said.

Delight23

November 12th, 2010
9:20 am

Dang, I’m either early or er’body still sleep. :?

Fion

November 12th, 2010
9:21 am

Mind your own Freakin business! Regardless of who’s’ side of the fence the situation falls.

DreamsMaterialize

November 12th, 2010
9:23 am

I think technology is making it harder to pull off the shady behavior that comes with juggling multiple relationships.
I beg to differ. I think the technology makes it easier.

Is it a good idea to tell on someone when you know they are lying?
Depends. If it’s your homie, you gotta look out.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 12th, 2010
9:23 am

Morning, Slim Sugar….how are you today?

SlimNumeroUno

November 12th, 2010
9:24 am

Delight – folks might’ve been up celebrating the Falcons win late last night….dunno why else it would be so Empty in here.

Mr_NYC

November 12th, 2010
9:25 am

Good morning.
This is a tough one; hate to be there. Think it depends on the relationship between the two of you. If its come up before in a hypothetical, would the person be receptive to the news and want to know.

The Situation

November 12th, 2010
9:36 am

Yep, I did it and I would do it again. As long as I am single and he is single we do what we want. Im with Fion,mind your own business!
Oh and Good Morning.

SlimNumeroUno

November 12th, 2010
9:37 am

2C – I’m cool babes. Glad to have made it another week. ;-)

Dreams – I think technology makes it easier to cheat yet in still, easier to get caught.

Sweet Pea

November 12th, 2010
9:39 am

Good Morning Everyone~Happy Friday

a touchy topic! I believe it’s warranted if it involves your relationship and whomever is sharing information has your best interest, however I’ve opted to stay out of other folks business as I feel eventually the truth will surface if any lies are being told.

On the flip side, I once shared something with a good friend of mine about her husband after an accusation was made that involved me, and it backfired so I no longer share what I know.

Ok

November 12th, 2010
9:46 am

I think it depends on how you approach the person to tell them…if you come across like..’Girl, I just saw your man all up on some chick at the airport, I told ya he was no good” it comes across negative and insitutating. I think your approach was smart, you first inquiry about the status of their relationship before throwing the curve ball. It like you put it in their court to do some investing & inquiry on their own.
…I would want to know, but go straight to the person a deal with it and make my own determination of the situatin!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 12th, 2010
9:52 am

Sweet Pea — That’s straight out of the Playa’s Handbook. When one of your chic’s friends tries to blow your cover, you just flip it back on them: “Who said that? Kanesha?!? Aw, hell naw! See, now I didn’t want to have to say nuttin’ but that ho has been on me like static cling since the first day you brought her thirsty azz around me. Talkin’ ’bout ‘SHE knows how to keep a man…’” :lol:

Personally, I want no part of anyone’s drama, so I just play dumb, even if I know something… Of course, I’ve never really been in that situation (knowing some dirt) when it affected a really close friend, so maybe I’d feel differently then…?

#88

November 12th, 2010
9:53 am

East Point's Own

November 12th, 2010
9:54 am

Like I said some time ago… if the person being cheated on is your friend I think you must tell them, as true friends always looks out for each other. If the person gets upset with you, or blames you then they were not worth calling a friend in the first place. I would be upset if my friends did not tell me they saw my lady in a compromising position.

The problems arise when people report back more or less than what they really saw. If you only saw someone coming out of a hotel with a friend’s mate you say just that, don’t add in anything you did not actually see. People will quickly add in that they caught someone having sex, or making out, when all they saw was the couple walking out of the hotel room together.

http://hispointofview.com

East Point's Own

November 12th, 2010
9:55 am

Darn Friday Meetings… I’ll be back in an hour or so :-( somebody save me!!!!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 12th, 2010
9:56 am

for all y’all talkin bout “it depends,”…….suppose you do your good deed (snitch!!!) and the person still stays with the two-timer….then what?

“at least I told him/her….” again, mind yo business!

Leggs

November 12th, 2010
9:57 am

Good morning everyone!

This is a tough one. I may speak up, it depends on what I’ve witnessed.

AmazonRed™ - fugative

November 12th, 2010
9:58 am

Happy Friday Lovelies!

Technology is great, it’s much easier to catch sloppy pimps! It’s not the Kennedy administration anymore, your illicit affairs can’t be swept under the rug so easily, and folks are less willing to look the other way like they did in your daddy’s generation. Everything today leaves a trail, just pray that it can be cleared up with penicillin! :lol:

WiseDiva, I think you did the right thing. And I’m the type of girl who’d want to know too. I’ll recover.

#88

November 12th, 2010
10:05 am

Runteldat homeboy!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 12th, 2010
10:06 am

what do y’all snitches folks hope to gain by tellin?

protectin ya friend? did ya friend consult you when selecting him/her as a mate? does his/her scandalous ways have any affect on you? didn’t think so..

again, mind yo business!

AmazonRed™ - fugative

November 12th, 2010
10:12 am

It’s not about gaining. It’s about friendship. I’d want my friend to tell me. I have a right to make an informed decision about the person I’m dating. If I’m mixed in with a liar, I need to know. Messengers exist for a reason.

In addition, can people, especially black people, acknowledge that AIDS is a VERY real thing? This “stop snitchin” thing is literally killing us.

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:15 am

Morning Gang! Love those Falcons!!!!

This is a tough one. Like Sweet Pea, I have had telling on a 2-timer backfire. But in hindsight I would do it again, in that particular situation.

But now I’m a little more of the mindset of 2Can – I mind my own business. And with the man I’m with now, I REALLY mind my own business because he shuts me down if I even mention such gossip. His pat answer is “Hey they might have an open relationship.” That usually shuts my mouth even though I know 9 times out of 10 they don’t. But I respect my man’s stance on such things.

2Can, in the situation that backfired for me, my friend did stay with ole boy for about another 8 months. In that time, he hit on me, her sister and another friend of hers. Oh, and she had to call the cops on him for stalking.

She had to make up her own mind. But hey, I tried to help, as a true friend would.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 12th, 2010
10:19 am

I understand “looking out for friends” and all that, cause I like to think I’m as loyal as they come….
but when it comes to interfering with someones love interest, stay out of it….like your dude told you, Kimmie, you don’t know the intricacies of their relationship…..nor do you know who you saw him/her hugged up with!

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:20 am

I’m assuming Wise is sure ole girl was really 2-timing. Because mistakes can be made.

While at UGA, one of my younger brothers came to visit while attending a state science fair there. My brother is tall and handsome and a complete clown. We were on the front lawn of my dorm playing, he was throwing me up and rough-housing. Well, my Kappa boyfriend drove by, unbeknowest to me, and got the wrong idea. The next day when I called him he was cold and I asked what was up with the attitude. He mentioned seeing me with this “other guy”. I told him he should have stopped, because that was my brother he saw me with!

Sassy Me...Sun Kissed :-)

November 12th, 2010
10:22 am

TGIF BLOG FAMILIA :-)

If I told or not would depend on several factors like are they in a serious/committed relationship…and if they’re one of my close friends then more than likely I’d let them know if something in the water ain’t clean. I’d do that b/c I’d like someone to do that for me.

suppose you do your good deed (snitch!!!) and the person still stays with the two-timer….then what?

If she/he stayed then whatever happened is on them for sho… I don’t want to hear any whinin n cryin about it later though…

AmazonRed™ - fugative

November 12th, 2010
10:22 am

Yup, I told on a friend before. Her man hit on me AND another one of our friends. It wasn’t even a question that I was gonna tell.

Well, she told me she was gonna stay, because she wanted to get married and have a kid and he was her best shot. It made me sad to realize my friend was so desperate, but I wasn’t gonna stand to be an accomplice in his games.

But the seed of doubt was planted in my friend and she started to background check on him. She found out he was a con-artist wanted by the police and appeared several times on Don’t Date Him Girl. She really dodged a bullet. He was emptying the bank accounts of all of his “girlfriends.”

Yup…I’ll tell.

Sweet Pea

November 12th, 2010
10:22 am

@Swiss~Naw I didn’t want him he was trying to push up on another friend of mine…him: married her: single

“when it affected a really close friend, so maybe I’d feel differently then…?”

I thought I was doing the right thing because I pulled him to the side and talked with him about his actions, however years later he apparently was doing some things and someone put a crazy thought in my friend’s head(his wife) that maybe I was the culprit. Well, that is when I shared with her that it was not me it was someone we knew after finding out they were separated. Of course, they reconciled so that was a lesson learned, however I had to get clear my name from the matter as I was totally caught off guard.

@EPO~9:54…..I like that!

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 12th, 2010
10:23 am

Good day all.

This is the realitiy of the game. First, my theory on the vibe in Atlanta is that I meet some women who are in relationships, but act single. They are on the market like they are available but they really are not!

“Why is it so tempting to carry on full-fledged relationships with people? ”

I think its tempting because people like the idea of being untouchable and seeing what they can get away with.

“What would you do?”

I would have pulled his coat and told him his chick was scandelous and to charge her to the game!

AmazonRed™ - fugative

November 12th, 2010
10:24 am

but when it comes to interfering with someones love interest, stay out of it….

You do you, I’ll do me.

like your dude told you, Kimmie, you don’t know the intricacies of their relationship…..

So what? If they do have an “open relationship” then the news won’t be shocking.

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:24 am

2Can – This situation was a little different though. The dude in question was trying to push up on ME! So I doubt the intricasies of their relationship included that! And even after I told her, I mean it upset me to have to tell her, I was in tears, he tried it again another time.

That’s why in that particular situation, I said I would do it again, tell her.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

November 12th, 2010
10:26 am

SHout out to them DIRTY BIRDS!!! :mrgreen:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 12th, 2010
10:27 am

“You do you, I’ll do me.”

yep….all day.

“The dude in question was trying to push up on ME!”
this, I can understand, cause it involved you directly….but just tellin cause you saw, or heard, something….nah…..

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:33 am

2Can – Unless it’s a crazy situation like mine or like Amred’s, I’m inclined to look away, the older I get. Because even when this person is told, as I observe other people, 9 times out of 10 they stay in the relationship anyway. A lot of times that’s not the first time the person has cheated, maybe they have kids together, maybe that person was trying to get back at the other for cheating, you really just don’t know what goes on with folk behind closed doors.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 12th, 2010
10:33 am

“The dude in question was trying to push up on ME! So I doubt the intricasies of their relationship included that!”

You never know, kimmie… He might have been recruiting you for a 3-way… Some folks roll like that… ;-) :lol:

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:35 am

Swiss- I was waiting for you or Zulu to spin it like that!!! LOL!!!

You two are going to have to tighten it up, you getting a little too predictable!!LOL!!!

Kym

November 12th, 2010
10:35 am

Good Morning All,

Congrats Falcons fan on your win..that helped my guys out..

As for the topic..I am not one to tell anything. Because as others have pointed out when someone is hell bent on being with someone then it doesn’t matter if you show them proof they may still turn that around and now you stuck in the middle of their mess.

As for technology and cheating maybe in the case of finding out if a person is lying then yes it’s easy to investigate someone’s background..but I agree technology makes it easier for someone to cheat. Believe me I speak from experience.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 12th, 2010
10:39 am

kimmie — I prefer to think of it as being consistent, thank you very much. ;-)

By the way, blog ladies… Your boy swiss’s b-day is coming up next week… hope you’re getting your suits ready… ;-) :lol:

Leggs

November 12th, 2010
10:47 am

@Kym ~ an app has been taken off the market that would allow text msgs between 2 people to be sent to a third, unsuspecting, phone. I saw this on The View earlier this week. Installing GPS systems on phones, etc. is making getting caught a lot easier!

It takes too much energy to juggle multiple people and be on point with your apps on your phone!

SlimNumeroUno

November 12th, 2010
10:49 am

If I told anyone anything regarding their SO, I would not assume that their courtship would change in anyway just bc of what I told them…unless of course it involved an STD or a hidden affliction for other men. So far I haven’t really had to deal with anything like that.

East Point's Own

November 12th, 2010
10:50 am

If folks are in an open relationship, then they would not be upset if you told them you saw their mate out with another person being intimate.

It is not gossip if you saw it with your own eyes. If you are telling what somebody said somebody else said they saw then that’s gossip. If I you them walk out of a hotel room together or you saw them in the mall holding hands and kissing, then that’s what you saw. Its up to you to be sure to only tell exactly what you saw, without adding your emotions or your thoughts about the situation.

How could you folks possibly say you care about your friends but you don’t want them to have control over their life, health, and money (if married). If you saw your homeboy’s wife kissing some dude in the park how would you feel if a year later she divorces him and he ends up paying alimony, losing the house, half his pension, etc, when he did nothing wrong, while you know he could have had a choice to divorce her a year prior and walk away with his money in his pocket (or at the very least he could have had a lesser financial loss if he could prove that she was cheating on him)?

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:53 am

Leggs – An ex put a stalker-virus on my home computer, where anything I typed would come up on a remote computer that he could see. Luckily I barely used that computer, but I was concerned he might have gotten my banking info because I would occasionally pull up my account.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

November 12th, 2010
10:57 am

First, my theory on the vibe in Atlanta is that I meet some women who are in relationships, but act single. They are on the market like they are available but they really are not!

I’ve met men who’ve done the same thing and I think that isht is a gross waste of time…why play games and what makes you think you won’t be found out?..

kimmie

November 12th, 2010
10:57 am

East Point – Your last paragraph is compelling, but I guess it’s symptomatic of the times we live in. It’s almost like when folks see someone getting beat up but don’t try to offer assistance. We’ve gotten jaded.

Leggs

November 12th, 2010
10:59 am

All that energy in espionage is crazy. How can a person possibly expect to heal and move on. I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I wasted time stalking another on any level!

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

November 12th, 2010
10:59 am

An ex put a stalker-virus on my home computer, where anything I typed would come up on a remote computer that he could see.

:shock:

Ohh heyal noo…

Kym

November 12th, 2010
11:01 am

@kimmie..people die from getting caught in the middle offering assistance. I mean is that not what happen to the personal trainer fellow who was trying to help out Shirley Franklin’s daughters?

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed :-)

November 12th, 2010
11:01 am

I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I wasted time stalking another on any level!

Shyyd I’ll be the auntie then cause I refuse to stalk n’aan nukka…

Kym

November 12th, 2010
11:03 am

Please lets not talk about Atlanta’s vibe this morning. I am about ready to kick some politicans with all their foolishness..Atlanta’s vibe..I’ll tell you what the vibe is…nevermind nevermind..just gonna let it go. I live in Hen-ray now.