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The waiting game

If you ask a guy how long he waited to “seal the deal” with his girlfriend and you are likely to get a very precise answer. Apparently, the waiting game is one of the few games that men look forward to losing.

Anticipating when someone is ready to take the next step can require a lot of patience. I would argue that it can become distracting to some people to the point that it’s all they ever focus on. A lot of times it can take away from the “exploration phase” of getting to know someone.

I think women may be able to contend with the waiting game a little better then men, although it’s tough on us too! How do you handle the waiting game? Do you bring it up at all or pretend the sexual tension isn’t there?

Do you think the longer the wait is, the better your chances are to have a stronger connection? Does that make a difference when you want something really meaningful?

What’s the longest you have waited to seal the deal?
(Question Disclaimer: I personally didn’t want to ask this question but my friend Eric was curious about the responses since he gave me the topic idea. You’re welcome)

473 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 11th, 2010
8:25 am

g’morning…

“Do you think the longer the wait is, the better your chances are to have a stronger connection? Does that make a difference when you want something really meaningful?”

none of this matters….what matters is chemistry, and the vibe….with some folks, the waiting game may be til you get home from the first date, and for others it could take quite awhile…’pends on the folks involved….example – perfect evening, and everything is flowing just right….he might get some later on that night; while for some, dude may me “alright” but said something stupid, and talked his way outta the coochie, so naturally, chic gon’ wait awhile to see if dude gon’ redeem himself…he may, or he may not…..wait and connection are not proportionally dependent upon each other.

Simple Man!!! Now being played By Petey Wheatstraw The devils Son in law!!!!

November 11th, 2010
8:34 am

“Sup 2Can?

On topic….This is one of those areas where Women (Generally Speaking)Poison the dating game.. There are not many guys that I know that put stips on when the deed gets done. We are more inclined to go with the flow and if itjumps off the all the better!!!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 11th, 2010
8:43 am

’sup, Simple Man…..”Petey Wheatstraw”!!! that’s whats up….mayne I love those ’70s blaxploitation films…..

Simple Man!!! Now being played By Petey Wheatstraw The devils Son in law!!!!

November 11th, 2010
8:53 am

Rudy Ray Moore was the MAN!!! LOL

Sweet Pea

November 11th, 2010
8:58 am

Good Morning!

I guess I will be the first lady to step right as I’m Cleopatra Jones Baby!!! Love some 70s blaxploitation films too!!!!

Do you think the longer the wait is, the better your chances are to have a stronger connection?

Maybe/Maybe not as it depends on the people involved, personalities, and how it’s flowin’ as that will determine whether it will go to the next level.

However, I feel that double standards apply with this as men appear to think that you’re a garden tool if you do such things. Of course, I’ve never been the type to just let myself go as I’d rather for us to get to know each other as the casual thing is not for me. I know that my upbringing has a lot to do with that so I’ve stayed true to my roots for the most part. Not to knock others who enjoy a fling after the first date or two as you like what you like. I would rather find out more about you than to jump in waist deep and later ask myself “DID I DO THAT” in Urkle’s voice with regret.

Kym

November 11th, 2010
8:59 am

Good Morning All,

Happy Veterans Day! To all the men and women of our armed forces..Remember Freedom ain’t Free!

I think if the connection is stronger to start then waiting to do the do is not going to increase or decrease that connection. I agree I know couple who met date one clicked and have been inseparable every since. An despite what the guys will say again I think if a woman is jumping in the bed with you date one, you are not inclined to lean toward developing something meaningful with her as oppose to if she suggest progressing at a slower pace.

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:01 am

hmmm… did I say something wrong?

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:02 am

Let me see can we say sex?

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:03 am

Can we say tramp?

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:03 am

hmmm… what da problem iz den?

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:03 am

can we say sex and tramp in the same sentence?

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:04 am

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:04 am

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:05 am

let me try this

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:07 am

Oh well. I guess I can’t talk about this topic today….LoL

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:07 am

How about them Falcons???

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:09 am

The waiting game is ridiculous, it proves absolutely nothing. If a guy is dating you for 2, 3, 6 months and you are not giving it up.. there is a greater than 50% chance he is just getting it from somewhere else. This is not always true, but it is true that the vast majority of men do not relate or equate love and sex. Women get it twisted when they think a man is showing good character or strong interest by waiting months to get some action.
I think men don’t start to take relationships seriously before sex is involved. We go through the motions of dating and spending time together, but most men are not “all in” until we know that the sexual relations are at a certain level. While you are holding out we are still assessing other options, and if we are still dating other women, and one of them seems like a good woman, and she is proving that she can keep that man satisfied, most men are going to focus on the chick who is putting out if most other things about the two women are equal.

This also leads to an opportunity to have a heartbreak situation, when that man settles in with one woman, and then this “old”chick who was holding out for 3 months calls because she can’t wait any longer to give it up, but ole boy has moved on, but still comes by to knock the dust off since he already put in so much work. But he is no loner emotionally attached to this woman, but she is now extra attached because he was a nice dude who “waited” 3 months and then the sex turned out to be good too… But she soon finds out that he is not that into you anymore. Either he will say so, or he will just come by to have sex when possible, but he is no longer in relationship mode with you. You have fallen into the sex buddy zone, because you tried to make that dude wait. Sex buddy zone is the equivalent of when women put men in the friend zone… its almost impossible to come back from that.

All of this of course, is excluding those men who have sex with women and then call them tramps because they gave it up too soon…

I waited 3 months once to have sex with a woman, but as I stated earlier I was just getting it in with other women… but in this case it was worth the wait, and it was worth cutting off those other women…LoL

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:12 am

Please forgive me if at some point today my post is listed 5 times…LoL it ain’t my fault.

Simple Man!!! Now being played By Petey Wheatstraw The devils Son in law!!!!

November 11th, 2010
9:20 am

For the record, I never view a woman negatively for being aware and comfortable enough with herself to go there if she feels like thats where she wants to be and what she wants to do…. In My eyes that does not make her a Ho, it makes her self confident and That is very sexy in a woman…

Wise Diva

November 11th, 2010
9:21 am

Good morning!

Happy Veteran’s day to everyone who has served our country! Shout out to my favorite vet “Pops”

I am whatever you say I am

November 11th, 2010
9:28 am

Well, It’s a really simple concept: It happens when it happens.

I am whatever you say I am

November 11th, 2010
9:29 am

East Point: your last post has the song: It ain’t my fault- Master P in my head. LOL!

Morning simple dude!

Simple Man!!! Now being played By Petey Wheatstraw The devils Son in law!!!!

November 11th, 2010
9:34 am

Whats good I am??? Last day of the week for me….Ready to get at this weekend!!!

Raqi V

November 11th, 2010
9:38 am

All I know is you can try to ignore that ‘tension’ once it become quite obvious that it exist but it’s gonna mess with you when you least expect. It’s going to show up in your dreams. When you are trying to relax in a warm foam bath at the end of the day it’s going to creep into your thoughts.

It’s going to make you cut conversations short so he can get in his truck and leave because you can’t even look at him straight.

It’s gonna make you accept a rainy Saturday afternoon lunch date at his house where the point will come that nothing else matters but feeling the weight of him on top of you.

That ticket to seal the deal will either eventually expire or get cashed in.

It’s up to each individual how they wish to live their lives. However…you gonna always get a slue of guys that want nothing more than to get in your panties and out the door that will say a woman not putting out is not mature or is playing games or missing up the game. Sorry guys but a woman’s goods are hers to do as she pleases. Nothing you do or say entitles you to it. You best believe that we generously share with whom we want to share. If you ain’t getting it….

AmazonRed™ - The nephew is TWO today!

November 11th, 2010
9:38 am

Morning all –

The waiting game is hard when you are attracted to someone. But it is necessary. I don’t even try pretend that sex doesnt’ mean anything, or that I don’t get emotionally attached. Sex is supposed to be special and mean something, so yeah, I’ll wait to make sure my decision satisfies my head and heart, as well as my “needs.”

You can tell Eric the longest I’ve probably waited to “seal the deal” is 8 months or so.

kimmie

November 11th, 2010
9:42 am

Good morning lovely people!

Sigh… this topic AGAIN?

Simple – The poisioning actually was done by men many years ago, for labeling a woman a garden tool if she gave it up too soon. Yall made it hard on yourselves after that.

How soon we go there, with me, depends on how comfortable I am with the man, the chemistry and how mature I feel him to be. I’m just not into casual, never have been. I’m not built that way, to just need a “release”. I’d just feel empty. If we go there, I’ll catch feelings and most men say they don’t equate physical intimacy with love. Just cause we “went there” don’t mean we are exclusive or serious, they say.

That’s really all I have to say about it. Tired of beating a dead horse. Everybody do you, we all grown.

kimmie

November 11th, 2010
9:44 am

You best believe that we generously share with whom we want to share. If you ain’t getting it….

Raqi – You shut it down with this!!!

Willie Dynamite

November 11th, 2010
9:45 am

Morning All,

I personally dont have a problem with waiting or not waiting. When it comes to these chicks I’m amnidextrous (sp). I know some chicks gon make you wait just cause and some are down when you are down. Doesn’t change my opinion of you one way or another. Most Dudes I believe already know this going in. We are accustomed to the obligatory 30/60/90 day rule. Whether we’ve been on 2.6 or 6.2 dates matters only in our interaction. I appreciate the back and forth of the chase so to speak.
I will admit tho that once I know you’ve turned it into the waiting game just cause then I prolly would have ulterior motives. If we vibing and everything all good on both sides. We have each other hot n bothered and the deed looms on the horizon and then you hold back. That tells me you have made the puddy the prize. I usually then turned my focus to getting the prize. My attention has shifted from getting to know you better, enjoying your company and appreciating your smile and whatnot to smutting you out and going on about my business.

Sweet Pea

November 11th, 2010
9:46 am

@Simple Man….In My eyes that does not make her a Ho, it makes her self confident and That is very sexy in a woman…

I appreciate your honesty and your feeling of such, however I’ve known it also to be said by some men that if you easily give up the goods then you’re giving it up easy to everyone else too.

IMO, If you wait 30,60, 90 days to see what someone is bringing while they are doin’ someone else then cool….at least I don’t have to put out ;-) If one decides to get with it on the first date or whenever you feel like it then it’s ok too.

I don’t look at it as a waiting a game I look at it as being safe for me.

Simple Man!!! Now being played By Petey Wheatstraw The devils Son in law!!!!

November 11th, 2010
9:46 am

Morning Ared!!! Hope you are well today!

“You can tell Eric the longest I’ve probably waited to “seal the deal” is 8 months or so.”

DAYUUUUUMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

Leggs ™

November 11th, 2010
9:49 am

Good morning!

@EPO ~ you’re trigger happy this morning, but I agree with your post, esp. the 3rd paragraph.

Whether you wait or not, depends entirely on how you feel about that person and how you feel about yourself. If you want to do it on the first date you will. If you verbally put a stip on it to the guy, more than likely he will immediately become void of vesting much emotion into you and will start looking for a warmer body to connect with.

Delight23

November 11th, 2010
9:52 am

:lol: I am I am whatever you say I am , I saw “East Point’s Own” and was thinking more along the lines of
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX4QBNxieAc

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:52 am

I had one woman tell me that when she dates a guy she hold out for 3 months (90 days) and she does not mind if he has sex with other women, because she is still having sex with other men. But she says that does not stop her from getting to know the 1 dude she is trying to get with long term. I told her that she was setting herself up for failure. If you are having sex with other folks who you don’t want to be with, you might as well be getting it on with the 1 man you want to actually invest your time into.

http://hispointofview.com

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:53 am

Oh yeah, she also said that she hopes that the dudes she is dating is having sex with someone else, so that he won’t be bothering her about it, while they get to know each other… smh I think might have written a blog about her…if not I should have.

AmazonRed™ - The nephew is TWO today!

November 11th, 2010
9:54 am

LOL. Morning Simple Man.

And moving forward, ideally I’m gonna try to wait until marriage. :)

Delight23

November 11th, 2010
9:55 am

Bom dia peoples!! @Topic. I would have to yes, the longer the wait is, the better your(my) chances are to have a stronger connection. Based on my own experience, I grew to actually like the person.

Let’s face it sometimes all seems well and then bam something is said or a personality quirk exhibits itself and puts that person in a new light. 8O

czBrat

November 11th, 2010
9:55 am

HiYas!

i thought the topic was about waiting to commit. i see from the comments it’s really about waiting to get physical. i suppose my thought would be the same either way; discuss your position and when you’re on the same page … move forward.

on another note: the guy from that viral news video actually got some spotlight on lopez tonight. i dunno whether to laugh or cry. guess i’ll just smdh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzKtPezPsqE&feature=related

http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=233798&eref=sharethisUrl&ref=nf

AmazonRed™ - The nephew is TWO today!

November 11th, 2010
9:55 am

EPO – Her rationale is ridiculous. :lol:

East Point's Own

November 11th, 2010
9:55 am

@Leggs I need instant gratification… can’t be waiting 30 minutes to see my post show up…LoL

kimmie

November 11th, 2010
9:56 am

I do think it’s stupid to verbally tell someone “we have to wait 30/60/90 days”! Don’t folk have more “finese” than that?

I also don’t think you should tease. It’s a tease to get each other all hot and bothered, or get yourself in situations where you KNOW it could go down – and then pull back! That’s frustrating to the both of you and is childish and silly.

If you want to get to know a person better before you go there, keep things on rather neutral turf. Get out and do things, where you can talk and interact. Be mature about it.

Raqi V

November 11th, 2010
9:56 am

LOL kimmie. They like to say something is wrong with us or we’re tripping. NOT!!! We are going to give it to who we want to have it. Period. Boys if you ain’t getting it then you ain’t that who.

AmazonRed™ - The nephew is TWO today!

November 11th, 2010
9:56 am

Let’s face it sometimes all seems well and then bam something is said or a personality quirk exhibits itself and puts that person in a new light.

Absolutely. Chemistry does not mean people can’t be total douches. And finding that out takes time.

Leggs ™

November 11th, 2010
9:59 am

@EPO ~ all I can say is WOW…that sounds crazy to me! I can’t be sexing one dude trying to connect with another.

Sweet Pea

November 11th, 2010
10:01 am

@EPO 9:52am…………sounds complicated to me! Too many people to juggle to really get to know that one person…WOW

kimmie

November 11th, 2010
10:01 am

Amred – In my experience, those that didn’t get “chosen” revealed their doucheness early on. It did not take it 30 days, much less 60 or 90! No need to waste each other’s time!

I am whatever you say I am (Scorpio's Reign- My birthday is Sunday Beotches!)

November 11th, 2010
10:02 am

Delight: Thank you for that musical interlude :-)

Sweet Pea

November 11th, 2010
10:05 am

@ Kimmie….EXACTLY!!!

If you want to get to know a person better before you go there, keep things on rather neutral turf. Get out and do things, where you can talk and interact.

I am whatever you say I am (Scorpio's Reign- My birthday is Sunday Beotches!)

November 11th, 2010
10:05 am

wha happan to my post :shock:

I am whatever you say I am (Scorpio's Reign- My birthday is Sunday Beotches!)

November 11th, 2010
10:07 am

“…..You can tell Eric the longest I’ve probably waited to “seal the deal” is 8 months or so……….”

That would be more torture on me than torture on a dude I was with.
I’m a Scorpio so you can imagine any kind of waiting on my part is a challenge.

I am whatever you say I am

November 11th, 2010
10:08 am

am I blocked? :shock: