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Should you marry your best friend?

I met a really wonderful woman on my business trip this week. She had been married for 20 years and said that her husband was just diagnosed with cancer. It was obviously a great source of pain for her but when she talked about possibly losing her best friend, I nearly started to cry!

She said that the best part of their marriage was the fact that they are so close. They have been best friends and she believes the dynamics of their marriage was strengthened by this. Well, it made me think that marrying your best friend makes a lot of sense.

My best friend is a woman and is already married with kids. I already asked if she wanted to marry me but she won’t budge. However, I can picture falling in love with a man and we become best friends, though. I’m curious about how this all works in a marriage. For instance, if I want to vent to my best friend how my man is driving me nuts and I want to plot his demise. It could get awkward!

Seriously, though what happens when your significant other is your best friend? Would it work out better for the relationship? Can the friend dynamic of a dating relationship ever backfire in some way?

359 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
8:12 am

g’morning…

This has been my mantra forever….lotta y’all don’t subscribe to this notion, but, to me, this only makes too much sense….

But….you said, “However, I can picture falling in love with a man and we become best friends,”…ain’t that backwards….don’t you wanna be friends first, then fall in love…

SlimNumeroUno

November 10th, 2010
8:18 am

There are some strange things that seem to happen after 5 up in this camp. I think i’ll start blogging with gloves on from this point forward…

2C – Hi honey…

Sweet Pea

November 10th, 2010
8:26 am

Good Morning! ain’t that backwards….don’t you wanna be friends first, then fall in love… I cosign 2CPTG…I would want to develop a friendship first before anything else anyway

What happens when your significant other is your best friend? He/She knows whatcha you like and don’t like, know your inner feelings, etc.

Would it work out better for the relationship? I feel that it could, however I don’t have a best friend yet but positioning myself for one! LOL.

Can the friend dynamic of a dating relationship ever backfire in some way?
It possibly could, however anything in life can backfire so if it’s worth taking the risk!

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
8:27 am

It’s OK to become best friends, but to go from friends to lovers is risky in my opinion. Do you really want to risk losing a friend?

I’ve dated friends and we broke up because…we were just friends. Imagine that.

I hear people talk about being friends first and it makes no sense to me. If you go out looking for a friend…you end up with a friend. You get what you ask for. Duh! If you go out looking for a Toyota, you’re not going to come home with a BMW. If you want someone to date, approach it that way. That’s why friends are friends and lovers are lovers. They’re two different things and have to be treated as such.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
8:34 am

morning, Slim, Sweetie…how are you this morning….and yeah, things get crazy ’round here when Diva leaves….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
8:39 am

Realistic….I’mma play Devil’s Advocate this morning….

If that person is truly a friend, why would your friendship end because the relationship didn’t work?

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
8:42 am

“….If that person is truly a friend, why would your friendship end because the relationship didn’t work?…..”"

I concur! Besides , wouldn’t you rather marry your best friend (provided they are of the opposite sex-but I won’t judge) as oppossed to someone whom was a mear aquaintence or worse and enemy?

JenA

November 10th, 2010
8:55 am

I can speak from experience…I am currently separated from what used to be my best friend. In about a week we would’ve been married 6 years. He was my everything. I used to think that marrying my best friend was the most wonderful thing…he knew everything about me already, so anything that could’ve bothered him, he already knew. Because we were so close, and so alike, we butted heads a lot. I can’t say it was all bad, however, I think that no matter what your partner should be your best friend. You should trust them with everything, and have no doubts about them. And give them your 100%, because that is what they (and you) deserve. Even friends grow apart…

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
8:56 am

2CPTG – It’s a risk to lose a friend, not an absolute. Do you think friendships can remain unchanged after you’ve probably had sex and/or shared your innermost thoughts and feelings? The dynamic is forever changed once you date whether it’s for better or worse.

If two friends begin to date there are obviously some feelings beyond friendship. And if those two people date and break up, there’s obviously something wrong. Those initial feelings that lead them to date don’t just vanish so there may be issues with that – the friendship may not end – but you’re definitely riskng it when you start messing around with emotion.

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
8:57 am

I am whatever you say I am – why would you marry and acquaintance or an enemy?

Sweet Pea

November 10th, 2010
9:00 am

@2C…..It’s Wednesday so the week is almost over!!! I concur as well with your 8:39 post…You have to develop a friendship before anything else one would think.

IMO I clearly don’t understand how friends and lovers can’t be one of the same!

Jaye Atlanta

November 10th, 2010
9:02 am

Ah yes… Who else knows you better? Your best friend knows what you like, when to leave you alone, etc. Adding a relationship to the mix can only make it stronger unless the reltationship gets in the way and becomes the priority over the friendship. Personally I think this is an optimal situation only if you are looking for something long term and not experimenting.
If the relationship part doesn’t work, I would think you should and could still be friends, unless one of you can’t handle that…Trey Songz anyone?

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
9:04 am

My turn to play devil’s advocate – isn’t your best friend the person you turn to when you need to talk to or confide in about your spouse?

It’s just my opinion, but I think you have friends and then you have a lover/spouse. That’s why there are two different words and meanings. You don’t sleep with, marry or have kids with your friends. You do that with your lover/spouse. Sure you do stuff that you do with your friends but the bottom line is that you have friends and you have a spouse.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
9:08 am

Bom dia peoples!! Is this morning’s topic a trick question :?:

Sweet Pea

November 10th, 2010
9:08 am

@Jaye Atlanta…….EXACTLY!! Now I must close the curtains for now and get back to someone else’s bizness! Have fun everyone

Leggs….Hello, whenever you appear today!! I’m glad someone else had the same thought about As Soon As I Get Home from yesterday’s topic!

Raqi V

November 10th, 2010
9:10 am

I am yet still amazed at how people place a friend in higher regards than their spouse. Why not take that energy you put into maintaining a friendship with an outsider and put into being that friend to your spouse.

Not marrying a person because you are afraid of losing their friendship? That is just crazy. Should not you mate/spouse be your best friend.

I have some truly wonderful female friends in my life however they are second to my best friend which is my spouse. I do for him when and what I don’t do for them. And they do for their spouse when and what they don’t do for me.

Even if my hub and I were not as close of friends before we got married as we were I would hope that over the years we would have grown to be the best of friends that we are now.

Your spouse is the only place in the Bible (other than for Christ) that says a man and woman is to forsake all others.

DK

November 10th, 2010
9:11 am

I married my best friend and it works out great! I was worried about losing the friendship if we didn’t work out but once I realized how strong our friendship was I knew that we would be okay. When I need to vent, I vent to him. I was doing that anyway in my other relationships–calling and venting to him about my boyfriends…so he was used to it. He knew what I would and wouldn’t tolerate, my likes and dislikes and what it would take to keep me happy.
Of course, you have to have some type of physical attraction to this person. Just because you guys are friends doesn’t mean it will work. I found my friend attractive and sexy but respected him as a friend. Once he made his intentions known, we let things evolve and within six months of dating we were engaged. We have been together a total of two years and 3 months and I don’t regret marrying my best friend!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
9:11 am

Morning All,

cosignning with 2C, shouldnt yall be friends first b4 we start talking relationship of any sort? and i think its possible to have a best male friend, best female friend. or best friend and several closest friends……marry the bestest, and then you still have whoever is top tier friend out of whose left, lol

blue®

November 10th, 2010
9:11 am

yawwwnnnn…who brought the coffee…these late nights are killing me….but today is my Friday!! woohoo!!

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
9:12 am

realistic: I’m not saying that I would marry and aquaintenance or enemy..
I don’t get how someone would invest time and energy searching for their soulmate but will turn up their nose at the idea of marrying their best friend because they don’t want the friendship to end.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
9:12 am

Morning All!!

Well my best friend is a guy and though we are thick as thieves Ive never entertained the thought of dating him. Its something about how we click that I enjoy so much as a friend. I wouldnt want to risk that over trying a relationship. Plus Ive never been attracted to him so…..

Okay since I came flying into work, let me get settled and I’ll BRB

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
9:13 am

Oh and I dont think my friendship with him would end if it didnt work but it would be different.

Raqi V

November 10th, 2010
9:15 am

I agree being best friends provides strength to a marriage. If I can’t turn to my husband for anything and everything then we aren’t truly together as husband and wife.

I don’t doubt that there are thousands of couples that started out as friends just to become a couple and it didn’t work out. That’s just called life. But I know too that there a many more that it has worked for.

I remember my dad saying he lost his best friend when my mother died.

And WiseDiva, having your trusted girl friend to vent to is actually healthy. Sometimes it’s better to get another perspective as long as that person can be fully trusted. That true friend will not fail to tell you that you are the one wrong when you are. And guys don’t even want to hear some of the stuff we woman talk about so you need that female friend. However I feel that your spouse should always be the closest person to you.

Just my opinion and how I live my life. Yall do you. And that’s all I have to say about that.

My 3 girlfriends and I are actually going to lunch together today and to visit an old friend of ours that is in the hospital dying of cancer. She left our circle long time ago but we still consider a friend.

Kym

November 10th, 2010
9:16 am

Good Morning All,

This is a really tough question..
I would like to not so much marry my best friend..(lord I said marry..stop rewind)..I would like to fall in love and develop a relationship with a gentleman, who after time I would hope would become my best friend. I posted early this week on FB that —A friend is somene who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” I think in a relationship that is developing to something more serious it takes time to get to the point where your mate is willing to do these things.

123

November 10th, 2010
9:19 am

Don’t focus on finding the right person; focus on being the right person. Then, the love you find will be your best friend.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
9:21 am

Good morning.

I think marrying your best friend is a crucial part to the marriage. However, just like WD stated, if you plans to hurt your bf that week, vent over it another friend. Just because your hubby is your bf doesn’t mean you share everything with him.

@SweetPea ~ when I left work, that song was on the radio as soon as I crunked the engine!

Raqi V

November 10th, 2010
9:22 am

He/She knows whatcha you like and don’t like, know your inner feelings, etc.

SweetPea, I agree with this. Your best friend is that person that can sense your off days without you saying a word. That person that provides solace and support. If you aren’t getting that at home then you aren’t living 100 in your own house.

Yet that doesn’t mean that we cannot of our “sistahs’ or “potnahs” that we kick it with to get a break and vent a little. Those special people in our lives sometimes offer advice and opinions that help in matters we sometimes find trying. They have their experiences and we have our, sometimes it’s good to share to help work things out.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
9:24 am

Raqi V: “I am yet still amazed at how people place a friend in higher regards than their spouse…”

EXACTLY :!: Guess I’m gonna lurk today.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
9:30 am

This topic reminds me of Prince’s song “If I was your girlfriend”.

If I was your girlfriend
Would u remember 2 tell me all the things u forgot
When I was your man?
Hey, when I was your man
If I was your best friend
Would u let me take care of u and do all the things
That only a best friend can
Only best friends can

If I was your girlfriend
Would u let me dress u
I mean, help u pick out your clothes
Before we go out
Not that you’re helpless
But sometimes, sometimes
Those are the things that bein in loves about
If I was your one and only friend
Would u run 2 me if somebody hurt u
Even if that somebody was me?
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be

blue®

November 10th, 2010
9:30 am

@i am – invest time and energy searching for their soulmate but will turn up their nose at the idea of marrying their best friend because they don’t want the friendship to end – i am soooo with you here. i think in some cases that soulmate is staring you in the face and you miss it cause of the dreaded “friend zone”. mr.blue and i started friends, and took the chance to become more. sometimes just gotta step outside the box….
@Delight@Raqi – yeah i dont get that one either…their friends, thats it. and there had to be some reason you chose not to marry them and your marry your spouse instead…move on

Raqi V

November 10th, 2010
9:34 am

With my husband I share a life, a house, a bed, money, my body, and my secret thoughts why would he not be my best friend. There is no other person in this world that I give that much to.

Not even my friend Doc sitting across from me right now. I am sharing a cup of tea with her though. LOL

Kym

November 10th, 2010
9:36 am

@blue..if my soulmate is the short dude that stops by my cubbie everyday…can I return him and request a taller replacement?

Raqi V

November 10th, 2010
9:36 am

I asked her who is her best friend, she said the only one she dare to swap morning breath kisses with on any given morning. LOL

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
9:37 am

My story…maybe you can help me out…

I am in a relationship with someone I thought was my best friend. I supported him in every way, helped him with his children.

After learning I was expecting, his attitude changed. He planned to ask me to marry him but changed his
mind after finding out I was pregnant stating it would devastate his children.

So much for dating a friend…

blue®

November 10th, 2010
9:41 am

@Kym – ohhh, yeah please see supply and requeat form 38g.4 – Replacement Due To Height….

Kym

November 10th, 2010
9:41 am

@Southern Belle..how would your pregancy devastate his children? I mean unless he is an older gentleman and doesn’t want to be a new daddy at his age..

Mike P

November 10th, 2010
9:42 am

At this point in my life… i have came to believe that marrying your best friend would be a very bad idea. If you should ever break-up, you’d be losing two people, a best friend and a mate. leaving you completely devastated. You will need a best friend to turn to after the break-up, but if your best friend is your ex… then you’d be screwed. And you can forget about focusing on your favorite activity or hobby to get your mind clear because usually in cases like this, your ex will have the same/similar interests further reminding you of your ex(spouse and best friend).

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
9:47 am

{{@MO ~ went to Ultimate last night. Nice sportsbar!! $1 drinks on Mondays and $2 drinks on Tuesday with .25 wings. .35 wings on Wednesdays. Live Jazz on Thursdays. 2 drinks between the two of us and 12 wings with a tab of $12.55. Can’t beat that for a pit stop after work. Children have to be out by 9:00. Also, you can’t take your wings to go if you don’t finish them LOL}}

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
9:49 am

I love the notion of marrying your best friend. I just don’t know how you do it as an adult.

I mean, my platonic male friends are just that, platonic. The ones I’d consider my best friends have already gotten married to someone else.

So nowadays, you go out and meet people. There are the ones you meet that you are attracted to, so you don’t want to just be friends. Then there are the ones you aren’t attracted to, that you can’t date cuz…you aren’t attracted to them. :lol:

Morning all.

DJ Sniper

November 10th, 2010
9:51 am

I’ve never understood the whole “friends before lovers” deal myself. When a man is interested in a woman, he’s interested in her in a romantic type of deal. He doesn’t want to be her “friend”, per se. That’s not to say that the two of them shouldn’t take their time to let things develop, but approaching things from a friends aspect, IMHO, is not the way to go. Trust me, I made that mistake in college more than once. Had to learn the hard way.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
9:53 am

Aaaannnd this:

“With my husband I share a life, a house, a bed, money, my body, and my secret thoughts why would he not be my best friend. There is no other person in this world that I give that much to.”

Chris

November 10th, 2010
9:53 am

As a man I say it’s a rediculous notion to marry your best friend. My parents and aunts/uncles weren’t best friends and they’ve been married 35 years plus. When you marry someone you have 40 Years or more to learn about them and grown with them. Too many women worry about things upfront and miss out on the journey. We’re gonna become friends while dating and grow closer over the years. My parents and uncles and aunts have

I’ve asked a couple women married now and they said they were friends with their husbands first. I asked their husbands the same question and they said the never were. The men knew what they were showing up for and it wasn’t “friends”

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
9:54 am

Seems like, by definition, your spouse should be your best friend, in that your spouse is your closest confidant, the person who knows you better than anyone else, the first person with whom you share good news, bad news, hopes, fears, etc.

And on this whole “need to vent about my spouse” thing… The only person you should be “venting” to is your spouse. Nothing will kill a relationship faster than taking your private issues with your spouse to outside sources — whether for venting or advice or whatever. Apart from the obvious issue of breaking the trust between you and your spouse, your friends are not relationship therapists, and they are only getting your side of the story. No good will ever come of that…

abc

November 10th, 2010
9:55 am

If your spouse isn’t your best friend, you have a big big problem.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
9:57 am

Leggs – thanks for that update chica! Im supposed to be hitting the Ultimate tomorrow evening, if I get off work in time so we’ll see

NoNonsense

November 10th, 2010
10:01 am

I didn’t marry my best friend but forming a solid friendship over the last 16 years with my husband is what has kept us together after having both our careers ruined by this failing economy.

With him being a carpenter and me being a realestate agent we have suffered the lost of a lot.

We are the ones that have been here for each other when our friends weren’t feeling the pain that we have suffered.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
10:01 am

@ASBelle ~ that’s sad and selfish. Did you two not discuss having children and how he felt about having more? How old are his other childen?

@MikeP ~ I have learned if something like that you occur, then you find yourself a “transitional” friend to help you adjust! :wink:

25 wonderful years

November 10th, 2010
10:04 am

You shouldn’t marry anyone else. About to celebrate 25 wonderful years while everyone who attended our wedding is divorced and working on marriage numbers 2 and even 3.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
10:09 am

I don’t think my parents are best friends. They are more like teammates. Different personalities, but they come together for the common goal of winning the championship. :lol:

33 years and counting though… more than one way to skin a cat. :lol:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
10:11 am

Morning Mates!

I love what Raqita said and I’m inclined to agree with DJ too. When you meet someone and see them on a romantic level that reaches marriage, I envision a level of friendship that exists within the relationship. I think it’s when you actually LIKE the person you are in love with.

As for being friends before lovers, I picture that as being a situation where you were platonic friends first and then decided to take it to another level. You developed romantic feelings for this friend. If it works out it is the best thing in the world. If it does not, it can change the dynamics of the friendship. Things probably won’t be as easygoing as they once were, but hey you take a chance sometimes.

But I’m confused as to how you would meet up with a person with the intentions to date them on a romantic level but just keep it as friends and THEN take it to the romantic level??? I’m confused, 2Can.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
10:12 am

You should learn about your future husband before the marriage, not during. Of course, as times goes by you will learn things, but you shouldn’t learn about his character, desires, moral standing during the marriage. You should know this during the dating process! Growth is growth, but certain seeds should have sprouted during the courtship. You don’t want weeds growing throughout the marriage…that would stink!

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
10:16 am

Southern Belle – Were you 2 having an affair? Because that’s the only way I see it devestating his children. If they are able to figure out the math that the child was conceived before his divorce.

He’s fed you a line. Either way, he’s gotta take care of that child. Loser.

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
10:17 am

i’m swiss – your spouse in NOT the only person you shoul be talking to. Of course you need to talk to your spouse if you’re having problems, but when you have a problem you don’t ask the problem to vent and console you. People need to vent and talk and get other people’s aka best friend’s perspectives and just have someone listen to them. Even if you’re not looking for advice, people just need to talk. If you’re having problems with your spouse you can’t just sit there with your spouse and have coffee and chit chat about your problems. Talking is therapy in of itself. I guess you just don’t get that and have ulcers from keeping it all to yourself.

I love my wife!

November 10th, 2010
10:22 am

Love will only get you so far. Friendship is definitely more important. I am lucky to be married to my best friend. I love you, Allison!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
10:23 am

I’m liking the newbie’s posts this morning. :)

Blackfoote

November 10th, 2010
10:25 am

Morning Everybody

Leggs:

You know how to put it out there that’s what gets me a smart and informed woman.

Really?

November 10th, 2010
10:25 am

I love my wife! – You make dedications on the radio too, don’t you?

Love will only get you so far. Friendship definitely will only get you so far.

I love Allison, too.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
10:27 am

@Kym, his ex-wife told her children their dad and I would get married, have children and replace them. He stated it would seem to them their mom was speaking the truth.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
10:27 am

Realistic — To each his own, I guess. As for me & Mrs. Swiss, if we have issues with each other, we go directly to the source, not elsewhere — and I’m glad of it.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
10:28 am

I’ll say this, love is easy – but that “like” is a muggafugga.

Friend or no, you gots to like the person you’re with or it ain’t goin nowhere

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
10:29 am

I’ll sum up my opinion this way and be done with it because I don’t think it can be argued – a marriage transcends a friendship, any friendship. Marriage is a whole new level of relationship, one beyond friendship. It’s that simple. If I want a best friend, I remain a friend and not get married.

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
10:32 am

i’m swiss – out of pure curiosity – do you never vent or just talk to your friends about issues you may be having?

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
10:33 am

@kimmie, he is divorced. He had been divorced four years when I conceived.

OK

November 10th, 2010
10:35 am

should you marry your best friend…depends on how the situation started out. Were you just friends first, then decided to take it to the next level of being in a relationship then to marriage. If so, if it worked out than thats great.
But if I’m dating with my intentions for marriage, I”m looking for someone to be in an exclusive relationship, devolp our friendship in a relationship, that hopefully will lead to marriage.
Ultimately your spouse should be your best friend, but its a process, its over time that it happens, its called WORK in the relationship.
the end

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
10:36 am

Also, Realistic, there are ways of “venting” when you are frustrated with your spouse or S/O, that don’t involve bytching about your S/O to your friends. For me it’s sometimes a vigorous work out or a particularly intense game of tennis. In any case, I personally never have any inclination to make Mrs. Swiss look bad by “venting” about some issue I have with her to my friends. And happily for me, she feels the same way.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
10:37 am

Good morning!

I think marrying your best friend would be the ideal,if fate can bless you that way!
I had a friend once that I was really cool with. We started off trying to date,but she was tentative. We vibes tho,went out together,talked,I visited get house when her mom was there and it became more of a very good friendship.

I still had feelings but our vibe was so unique that I never pressed the issue. And we talked about everything.
Eventually,she gave up the panties(this lion is a persistent hunter) :lol:

The sex was not impressive. Intact, it was awful.
Even tho we are so far away from each other now and both married, we still good friends and Facebook and whatnot.

Had we climbed that sexual plateau in a fireball of mutual bliss,that relationship would have been bombdiiggity!

good day folks!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
10:39 am

@swiss – i agree that you and spouse should be handling your issues, but i do think a close friend of family member to vent to and give perspective can be useful. the key imo, is making sure you dont ignore discussion with the spouse, and that your vent/advice line is a good pick. someone who can be trusted not to spread your business, not to walk to your spouse and do the whole he said she said bit, and who can be trusted to be honest with you and impartial, not just automatically taking your side cause your their friend or fam, but will be able to see theother side as well….gotta be careful who you pick…

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
10:39 am

Her mum was there…tsp tsk

We vibed…

Infact

OK

November 10th, 2010
10:45 am

Marriage is the highest level of committment..within that you should be working on the friendship.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
10:46 am

blue — Like I said, to each his own. Personally, I think family is the worst place to go. I want Mrs. Swiss to be completely comfortable around my family. So I’m not going to be airing our dirty laundry in front of them, as it would inevitably skew my family’s perception of her. Then again, maybe I’m just a secretive SOB. :lol: In any case, I’m glad to have found someone who shares my love of privacy…

Okey Doke

November 10th, 2010
10:52 am

You work on friendship with your FRIENDS. You work on a MARRIAGE with your significant other.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
10:54 am

Strolling in alll late and shyt…….

Mornign Peeps!!!!

On topic…..I love my best friend and will until the day I die!!! that being said, While she always gets the best of me, I won’t ever marry her, and she will never marry me. The Dynamic of our friendship is such that other than sex, there is nothing for us to gain by being anything else. Now one day I will find a wife, and she will own my heart completely, but my BFF will still always be just that……

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
10:56 am

Swiss – I agree, I would never go to any family member, even though I love them.

I agree about wishing to maintain privacy in the marriage. I don’t agree with airing your marriage “dirt” to anyone unless it’s thru formal counseling. For smaller stuff, I don’t see anything wrong with having a trusted girlfriend to lend an ear from time to time, to bounce things off of. Hopefully that friend is in a solid relationship as well.

I think about the dynamics of my female friendships. Of the 4 of them, 3 are married and one is divorced and dating. One of the marrieds is on her 2nd marriage. When she got divorced, it actually was a bit of a surprise. She had hinted at a problem here or there, but I never knew it was to that extent. She wanted to maintain her privacy and I respected that. That’s how we’ve been since college though. None of us gave play-by-play about our relationships, but we could always count on each other to remain discreet. It’s boded well for our friendship and our relatioships over the years.

Okey Doke

November 10th, 2010
10:56 am

To i’m swiss…I think this is where the best friend part comes into play. Your best friend is who you can talk to about the Mr./Mrs. and feel secure in keeping your private life private, otherwise, you’re just internalizing everything no matter how much tennis you play. But like you said, to each his own. If it works for you, it works for you.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
10:58 am

Strolling in fashionably late……..

Mornign peeps!!!!

On topic….My best friend is means the world to me, and there is nothing i would not give her including my last breathe if she needed it, but she won’t ever be my wife…One day I will find a women to be my spouse, and she will be everything to me………………….

Except my best friend…..

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
11:00 am

Hey Danny Boy ~ how ya doing?

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
11:03 am

Okey Doke — Yeah, whatever works for you.

I don’t buy this notion, however, that one must talk about their problems with others. Not everybody needs advice from uninvolved parties. And not everyone needs to listen to themselves talk in order to release tension. Different strokes for different folks…

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
11:10 am

kimmie — That’s exactly how I am. I never said one word about all the sh!t that was going on with my ex to anyone until I had made the decision to end it — precisely because I knew if I did tell anyone what was going on & we somehow managed to work things out, everyone who knew the details would never view her the same again.

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:11 am

Off-Topic..

Dear Bernie Marcus,

Sir, I love Atlanta just as much as you, I grew up here and I think my hometown is absolute wonderful, but London it is not. This is not Paris or Vienna either. Putting a giant ferris wheel, similar to the London Eye is a complete waste of money. Now I know billionares can be a bit quirky and like to throw money and ideas around..and the aquarium was nice. But err.. there is not a damn thang worth seeing in Atlanta that it would require a bird’s eye view of the place. I mean your big fish tank is nice but Buckingham Place it ain’t. Please Please Please..did I say that enough..Please don’t..continue with this looney idea. Thank you for your time.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
11:12 am

“But I’m confused as to how you would meet up with a person with the intentions to date them on a romantic level but just keep it as friends and THEN take it to the romantic level??? I’m confused, 2Can.”

^^^^ this tells me you’re thinking in terms of the physical, and not the emotional aspect of it all….’cause if you meet a person, you don’t even know if y’all are compatible or not; So although he may be appealing to the eyes, what else is there? You have to explore whether or not you and dude can sustain a romance – and that comes during the exploratory/developmental stages…and hopefully during that time, a friendship develops….if it doesn’t, how can you even consider a romantic endeavor? Does that help any?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:24 am

and hopefully during that time, a friendship develops…

2Can – That part right there is where I was getting at. Your post makes perfect sense. The friendship develops during the relationship.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:27 am

Kym – Maybe this is his idea to create jobs!LOL!! Because he said the current administration didn’t know how and that “certain things were just Business 101″, in a nasty tone!

He’s getting senile and doesn’t know what to do with himself and all his billions!

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:31 am

@Kym 11:11AM Here! Here! With the food banks, local community centers and small businesses struggling to feed and keep people employed, it makes perfect sense to build a huge symbolic middle finger, er um, ferris wheel. One more trinket with his name on it for his legacy vault. :roll:

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:32 am

@kimmie was he talking about the President or Perdue..cause I understand the need to create jobs..but this is just looney…a giant ferris in midtown.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:33 am

:lol: Kimmie. Dang. I was typing and stopped to do something, but clearly we were thinking along the same lines. Jobs darn it.

Although the life of the carnie is nothing to sneeze at. 8O

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
11:35 am

Morning
Most chicks won’t date their male friends because there’s something about him that disqualified him from being more. Being a chick’s friend is like the runner-up consolation prize. You’re a great guy but she’s just not attracted to you, so you can be her friend.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:35 am

“…He’s getting senile and doesn’t know what to do with himself and all his billions!”

Note to self: visit ancestry.com. Thinking there’s a Marcus hanging in the trees somewhere.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:37 am

Aw shucks Dreams. Depends. I have more male friends than female so my problem’s been I know to many man-slores. At least that’s what I call them. They all beg to differ, but whateva. :D

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:38 am

@Delight23 Amen!!! I mean there are foodbanks struggling to stay open..and the new poor looks like the old middle class I mean surely..he could find something else productive to do with that money.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
11:40 am

@Dreams – good call

@Leggs – I’m doing just fine, Superior in fact

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
11:41 am

my problem’s been I know to many man-slores.
Delight More to my point. That quality about them, I’m sure, disqualifies them from being seriously considered for an exclusive relationship with you. If they didn’t have the quality, would you take a closer look at them?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:42 am

Kym – The President. And this was awhile back, before the ferris wheel idea. 11 alive and some other media outlet interviewed him, just getting another clueless business leader to bash the President because they are mad that they can’t run over Main Street like they could with Republicans.

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:42 am

Although the life of the carnie is nothing to sneeze at.<<LMAO

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
11:45 am

just getting another clueless business leader to bash the President
kimmie yeah but the TOP business leader, Warren Buffet is solidly in the presidents corner, so who really cares what these others have to say? They’re just second (third) rate Warren Buffets. lol

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
11:50 am

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:50 am

You don’t hear about Warren Buffet building ferris wheels..I mean what the??? It’s like the world has gone complete bonkers.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
11:51 am

Until I met a man who I could be best friends with, I did not support this idea. Now that I have, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
11:52 am

Kym: I concur with your 11:11
I say spend the money on a man made beach :lol:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:52 am

Dreams – It’s a shame because, from the outside looking in, these guys seem like the perfect catch.

Everything happens for a reason. I had this wonderful platonic male friend in college. After graduation he admitted he had feelings for me but I was dating a friend of his at the time. A few years later he met a nice lady and married her. I cried all thru the wedding because it was then I realized I had feelings for him too and never let him know. My heart was broken for awhile.

Like I said though, everything happens for a reason. It was not meant to be and I’m happy with my SO now.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:54 am

Dreams – You read my mind once again, cause THE MAN Buffet is down with the Prez. I have always respected him!!

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
11:55 am

Dreams: I would date some of my male friends but I can’t- most of them are married

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:59 am

“If they didn’t have the quality, would you take a closer look at them?”

DreamsMaterialize, absolutely! They’re are some kool, fun, gotcha back at all times brothers. They’re just a little too free with the wang for my taste.

Mrs. Tazzee

November 10th, 2010
11:59 am

Morning Folks!

My best friend is my husband. We actually like hanging with one another. I have great girlfriends (the BEST IMO) but now they are second to my husband and they understand that fully. We did not become friends first and then fall in love – we became best friends while falling in love.

I can still call my best friend girl to vent about him – should I need to. Like Raqi said – it’s very healthy because my friends will tell me the truth. They know when I’m being petty and when my vent is valid – but more than anything they want my marriage to succeed.

There’s nothing more satisfying than waking up next to my best friend every morning.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:00 pm

So, perhaps for me…a more accurate statement would be to marry someone whom you would *choose* as a best friend.

blue®

November 10th, 2010
12:04 pm

lost again…whats this about a ferris wheel?

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:06 pm

And the thing is, why would you want to date someone that you didn’t like?

I never understood that.

I don’t like people anyway, shole ain’t spending that kinda time with someone I stand

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:12 pm

I knew that those of you that I most identify with would share similar views about this subject. It continually reinforces the fact that “Water seeks its own level.”

And since I started the 21 Days of Gratitfue thing early at the urging of a friend on FB, once I post my Day 21 picture, I will complete the month with a daily blog entry at my sJeaSpeaks blog on what I am grateful for. If I were writing a post today, it would be about the awesome inner circle of besties that I have been blessed with. I so heart each and every one of them.

Purple Rain

November 10th, 2010
12:13 pm

Of course, your spouse should be your best friend BEFORE marriage :)

evy

November 10th, 2010
12:17 pm

mornin, all!

hmmmm…’friend’, ‘best friend’, ‘lover’, ’spouse’, ‘romance’…

’spouse’ is simply the person to whom one is married

‘lover’ simply designates he or she with whom one is ’sleeping’

romance is not sex

marriage does not guarantee romance (or sex! lol)

friendship does not imply, equal or prohibit romance, sex or marriage

certainly one can be married to or sexually involved with someone without being friends and vice versa, but that does not mean that the different states cannot co-exist happily within a single relationship.
imo, when we draw such lines too firmly, we are limiting our own possibilites and futures. if there isn’t friendship, how is there true romance? seems to me that if you take the friendship out of the equation, then one partner is making whatever ‘romantic’ gesture for…what, exactly? sex? it’s just gymnastics, then – still enjoyable, but strictly recreational and self-limiting. marriage without friendship is…what, exactly? a convenient arrangement in which the partners exchange various favors – sexual, domestic, financial – and are grateful that they don’t have ‘play the game’ or ‘hire in’?

imo, friendship is the platform on which the best, happiest, longest-lasting personal relationships (with or without sex, romance &/or marriage) are built.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:17 pm

21 Days of Gratitfue – huh?

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
12:17 pm

“They’re just a little too free with the wang for my taste”

@Delight23 ~ I have a very good male friend that has repeatedly said to me that the fact that I know about his past has hindered from becoming serious with him. He’s right. He is a male hoes and I know it. He says he has changed and has slowed down, but I know this dude very well….Leopards do not change their spots…they just get wrinkled making the spot appear smaller! He was unfaithful throughout his entire marriage, which has ended in divorce. Male hoes and bf probably will never get together. Knowing you threw your slong around like a wet noodle isn’t very enticing!

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:19 pm

LOL…Dan…typo – Gratitude.

Check out my FB page. There is a whole album dedicated to this little project.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:27 pm

@Leggs

That’s not true. Every girl I’ve dated has known about my “past”, and they either choose to deal with me or not.

And you’re right, nothing changes but the fact that I choose whether or not to act.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
12:28 pm

Random: I really could go for some sushi right now

I wish people would stop saying Hair-Raj-oo-Ku (Harajuku)
and pronouce it the way the Japanese intended : Hah-Rah-Joo-Ku

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
12:32 pm

Leggs – Your 12:17, I can relate. That’s why in my post to Dreams about dating a former platonic best friend I said “from the outside looking in” it appears to everyone that these people would make a perfect coupling.

When you are true best friends, you know EVERYTHING, the good, bad & ugly. Sometimes the UGLY is a dealbreaker, preventing you from wanting to take things further!

The guys have also talked on here about women not wanting to introduce guys to their girlfriends. I have some female friends that are cool to have as friends, but no way would I introduce them to any male I consider a friend. Not a male I really consider a friend! I know too much!

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
12:38 pm

@Dan ~ it is very much true. Knowing how you conducted yourself in the past is very much on point in not getting with a person. Not necessarily caring about the number of partners you had, but knowing that you’ve never been checked, disrespected a lot of women, didn’t give a rat’s arse about anything but getting your rocks off, says alot going forward. It’s not only about the number!!!

@Dan ~ and just because every woman KNOWS about your past, doesn’t mean she’s seen how you’ve CONDUCTED yourself in situations you haven’t shared with that particular flavor/woman of the month!! Your words, and your actions are not always the same!

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:40 pm

@Kimmie

That’s just it. Adults make decisions and live with ‘em.

In some case, your homegirls have done worse than dealing with some dudes off this blog.

Don’t handcuff ‘em, trust them to fail on their own; they may even suprise you in winning with their sinning

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
12:44 pm

“…….In some case, your homegirls have done worse than dealing with some dudes off this blog. …………”

:-X

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
12:49 pm

Leggs ™ 12:17 pm: That’s precisely my/our problem. I can’t get the slore-colored glasses off when I see them.

In all fairness to Dan’s point, this may very well not be the behaviour exhibited towards me should WE take it to that level, but I’m stuck with the fact that they are even capable of this behaviour, i.e, the spots have simply deflated some, but I STILL SEE SPOTS. :|

“They’re just a little too free with the wang for my taste”

:lol: ok it just ain’t right to laugh at my own quote (blame it on the honey chicken) but I can’t help thinking about Cocoa Taylor’s “Wang Dang Doodle”

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:49 pm

This time change has done me in…energywise.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:55 pm

If you go on Facebook to the Atlanta Hawks page, there is a link that you can use to get free tickets to tonight’s game. You will just have to pay a fifty cent per ticket surchage to Ticketmaster. When I was on the site earlier this morning, there were seats available in the 200 section.

The downside….they are playing the Milwaukee Bucks. (Although, I haven’t gotten my basketball jones on yet this season and have no idea if the Bucks have any kind of team. Who knows? It may be a game that’s not a snoozer after all.)

Mrs. Tazzee

November 10th, 2010
12:56 pm

Hey SCool! I’ve loved reading you and Kym’s daily gratitude updates. I missed out on the beginning of that, but each day this month I’ve been blogging about being thankful. Guess I better get on day 10…. LOL

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
12:57 pm

Leggs?

I am with Dan on this.
If some guy like ur male friend is your best friend for real for real then I’m thinking he has done a rundown of all those women he knocked off,how they have purred and howled to his sexual prowess and the whole shenanegans and all this while,you two have remained Solid best of friends…
then I’m thinking there must be some of your friend in you, the female version even tho you don’t outwardly exhibit his personality.

I can understand somebody admonishing a friend for their shenanegans then later abandoning ship because they persisted in their ways But if u two guys remain ride or die,then why not take that friendship to a whole nuther level and let him rock U instead with a that playa playa sizzle he got

As for being never tested,he can always get tested so u know his shyyt is strt8! :lol:
There Leggs….there! :lol:

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:04 pm

Taz – I saw that. I’ve been checking you out. It’s the reason I’m going to pick it up on my spot starting tomorrow.

Glad to hear that Babee is doing better.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:06 pm

But if u two guys remain ride or die,then why not take that friendship to a whole nuther level and let him rock U instead with a that playa playa sizzle he got.

:?: Why would you go there knowing what you know? You’re a slore. I love ya dearly and accept that you’re a slore. Somehow that’s suppose to be a turn on.

Zulu, please help…Yeah ya weren’t talking to me. So what? Feeling nosey. :P

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:06 pm

Well, yours and Rock’s.

Speaking of which, Rock. How do YOU pronounce Raqi? Rocky? or Rah-KEE?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:09 pm

Dan – Totally disagree. Bottom-line, if you are a garden tool, have DL tendencies, sell dope, etc, I’m not getting with you or introducing my girls to you. Rehabilitate with someone else.But it doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend.

None of my girls/guys are handcuffed. In fact, being that we are friends, they’ve probably heard about the shenanigans before anyway and don’t wish to meet up.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:12 pm

Delight?

I know…lemme ask u this..,
u say u best friends right?

when he’s doing a run down of hid female friends,what’s your response?…what makes him so comfy telling u that???

I’m guessing ur response….no wonder tomorrow,he can look u in the eye and smile and tell u yet snother sleazy story…

Am I wrong?

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:14 pm

Dan – Totally disagree. Bottom-line, if you are a garden tool, have DL tendencies, sell dope, etc, I’m not getting with you or introducing my girls to you. Rehabilitate with someone else.But it doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend.

:lol:

I have a friend who has persued me romantically for years. It’s more passive than active now because I NEVER reach out to him, but he keeps in touch with me (like that really takes effort to send a text…anywhoo)

His exploits are legendary and he even had a 1 night stand with a girl I knew after she threw it at him at a house party. I just know too much to take him seriously.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:16 pm

Unless if the word ‘friend’ is being used loosely

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
1:18 pm

@Zulu ~ I would expect you to agree…that’s cool! And, he doesn’t need to get tested for me cuz I’m not about to take that ride!

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
1:19 pm

@Kimmie

Everybody got the garden tool in ‘em, some are just more honest about it. Running dope? really? what, cats is blogging from cell block “E” during yard time?

As for the DL, I can’t speak to that…

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:19 pm

Chrisette Michele is going to be at Carol’s Daughter at Lenox tomorrow at 630p.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
1:22 pm

Whats wrong with selling Dope???? i have been at it for close to ten years!!!

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:24 pm

Zulu. I have male friends. I’m not married so my BFF is my mother. Assuming he was my BEST friend, we’d be plucking.

If you mean sexual escapades when you say rundown, then motive is generally enticement. Trust I’ve come to learn some men will never stop trying to cross that line.

My response depends on the story, either he was nasty, crazy, being dangerous or a straight fool. We play off of each other for advice and ideas in dealing with members of each other’s sex.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:25 pm

Everybody got the garden tool in ‘em, some are just more honest about it.

Really? :roll:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:26 pm

Projections are dangerous esxpecially when liberally applied.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:26 pm

Unless if the word ‘friend’ is being used loosely

Zulu – That happens far too often, in my opinion.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:27 pm

Everybody got the garden tool in ‘em, some are just more honest about it

So does everyone have a lil homo erotic tendencies in em? Cuz not EVERYBODY has certain tendencies in em. Folks just say stuff like that to feel better about their own past.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:27 pm

Leggs?

he doesn’t need to get tested for u?

but if u met a total stranger that liked and wanted to take the next level with,u think it’s logical for both of u to get tested be4 u ride?

meanwhile u know jack about his johnhson’s rotation record?

and ur friend gets a flag for being too candid?

Oh,by the way,his results are in….the player is also CLEAN

ruminate on your logic Leggs as u munch on your lunch

:lol:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:27 pm

Chrisette Michele is going to be at Carol’s Daughter at Lenox tomorrow at 630p.

:-) Luv her. Carol’s Daugher? As a natural, not so much. :-(

Trevor0529

November 10th, 2010
1:29 pm

Good Afternoon,

@Delight23, I concur with your 1:25 comment. I must have some repressed garden tool tendencies that have not come to the surface yet.

:)

LURKER-1

November 10th, 2010
1:29 pm

Yeah, Simple Man, you’re one of does pushers who’s always in the dr office trying to sell your goods.
One of my brothers spend his days making dope for a living ;-)

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:30 pm

that u liked

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
1:33 pm

@Zulu ~ but if u met a total stranger that liked and wanted to take the next level with,u think it’s logical for both of u to get tested be4 u ride? Very logical!

meanwhile u know jack about his johnhson’s rotation record? – Well, all I can say is I hope it’s been rotated. I’m not going to ask the number because I think it’s one of the dumbest questions in dating history!!!

and ur friend gets a flag for being too candid? – He’s my friend, I expect him to be candid. However, that doesn’t mean I throw my desires, morals, ethics to the wind!

Oh,by the way,his results are in….the player is also CLEAN – I don’t operate on specualtion, but I would gamble he’s not!

No need to ruminate on anythng, you ain’t said anything deep enough for me give lots a thought to, but thank you anyway.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
1:33 pm

Lurker-1

Almaost….But I deal in wholesale quantities…. Nothing but wieght for the kid…

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:34 pm

Delight?

It’s not one story!
It’s stories…
If u say he’s a slore,then it’s logical that he’s got lots of stories….

but he’s ur friend

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:38 pm

Leggs!

Sweet nothings,ur 1.33!

that’s my take.
Why gamble he’s not clean?

Smdh

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:45 pm

Leggs/Amred/Delight – The thing is, as women we are expected to overlook prior bad behavior and be accepting of anything. UNTIL that old bad behavior resurfaces!

And then it will be “well you knew that going in but you got with him anyway. Were you that desperate?”!LOL!!!

But don’t let us women develop a bad, trashy rep! Oh no, if we do and want to marry one day, we must leave town! Go somewhere else and reinvent ourselves so that some poor unsuspecting soul will marry us!

We dare not bring him back home with us for the holidays or homecoming though! Lest he find out the truth! :lol:

Kym

November 10th, 2010
1:45 pm

Okay what did I type in that last message..Take Two

Hi Tazzee Mae!!

@Sexy your friends idea has really caught on! 21 Days of Gratitude.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:46 pm

Zulu!: :?: I dont have to pluck my friends. What’s the confusion? His wang is not sanitized enough for my special lady parts.

However, he would give me the shirt off his back, helped me move, drove me to the airport, gone to Falcon’s games together (1-on-1 and groups), quick to call to pass along hook-up. YES HE IS A FRIEND. I love all of him, even his dirty boy parts, because that’s how the package comes.

If the only interaction we had involved the swapping of sexual escapades, we would not be friends, that’s one-dimensional and boring…we have different definition of “friend” perhaps?

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:46 pm

LMAO. Preach kimmie.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:47 pm

And in that vein. Ladies, and gentlemen I guess, would you be down to date a person who has a newborn baby? Like under six months old?

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:48 pm

I love all of him, even his dirty boy parts

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
1:49 pm

SCool – I thought your project was great and may try it myself. Hmmmm…..

Delight – I like some of Carol’s Daughter’s products as a newbie to natural hair. Mostly the styling aids, Im NOT a fan of the shampoos though. Its also great on Lil Mo’s hair.

And I could seriously use a nap right now! DAYUM!

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
1:50 pm

Ladies, and gentlemen I guess, would you be down to date a person who has a newborn baby? Like under six months old?
ARed NO. Probably wouldn’t date someone with a kid under 3.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:51 pm

Amred – It would really depend on the circumstances.

I dated one that had an 11 month old. Was still sort of a rebound situation though, so we didn’t date that much.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
1:52 pm

@Zulu ~ I’m known to only bet on a sure thing. This one here will be a risk because I know you’re not suppose to judge a book by its cover, but I’ve seen so many of the sk-anks he dealt with its laughable. But anything is possible, he may not be dirty. Doesn’t matter because we will not have the conversation that will have us sitting side by side at the clinic.

Yes indeed, kimmie. Yes indeed!

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:53 pm

Kym – I know…pretty cool.

Mo – there are a number of people that I know that are doing it without pictures. Just posting everyday. Taz / Rock are blogging it…they were inspired by a online blogger project.

Gratitude ROCKS!!!

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:54 pm

And it’s especially timely with Thanksgiving and all coming up.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:55 pm

Mo (aka Moeisha) Her body products are nice, over-priced, but nice. Her hair line broke my heart because of all the sulfates. Might as well purchase drug store grade. I co-wash 90% of the time (concoction of John Frieda, Organix, Olive and Coconut Oil). The other 5% I use John Frieda Smooth and Root Awakening for Dry Hair.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:56 pm

Kimmie?

1.45 coz men and women don’t have the same problems.

if u got shenanigans,u can stay in town but ur angst may persist…leaving town is a function of dating economics.

‘unsuspecting soul’? People are always looking for the one with little prior knowledge,why u think a female wl give u a tongue lashing if u ask for her number? :lol:

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:58 pm

Mo / D23 – I’ve never been moved to even try the Carol’s Daughter products. Although, I am a fan of her story.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:58 pm

“…would you be down to date a person who has a newborn baby? Like under six months old?”

AmazonRed™ that’s a little too new for comfort. No thanks. Baby momma/daddy drama right around the corner. At least with a few years, a pattern has developed around how they interact with each other. This is just too new.

Personally, I don’t date men with kids. Just me.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
2:02 pm

Delight23..You pass on all men with kids regardless of circumstances??

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:04 pm

Delight23 – I like you! :lol:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
2:05 pm

Zulu – Like I said, go rehabilitate with someone else.

So NOT open for discussion!

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
2:08 pm

Delight? 1.46

In Zulu they say,’a thief won’t allow another thief to shave their hair’!

I get ur logic!

:lol:

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:09 pm

I had sushi for lunch- sadly..It was not Rusan’s :-(

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
2:10 pm

Go rehabilitate with someone else

That’s the skip town principle actually..

move to a town with dudes who don’t know ur history!

:lol:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
2:11 pm

Zulu – Exactly – move to another lady that doesn’t know your history! :lol:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
2:12 pm

Simple Man!!!!! Yep. So far anyway. I’ve not met one that I felt comfortable with. I’m selfish with my man’s time and that is absolutely not fair to his child/children.

I’ve attempted twice. First one had jealous baby mama kept blowing up the cell. Althoug I never assumed to know what he was saying to her to encourage or discourage the behavior; two sides.

The second one had an 11yr old little girl. I felt sooo bad/guilty when we would spend weekends together.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:14 pm

around 12ish: did Melo actually say playa playa sizzle :shock:
LMAO!!!!

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
2:16 pm

Zulu! “In Zulu they say,’a thief won’t allow another thief to shave their hair’!”

Precisely. :D When you know better you’re suppose to do better.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:21 pm

“…I’m not going to ask the number because I think it’s one of the dumbest questions in dating history!!!….”

Yep that question is like asking someone how many times they’ve been to McDonalds’ in thier lifetime- totally irrelevant.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
2:22 pm

What’s kicking on a Thursday in the A?

I’m off Friday so I want to go out tomorrow and have never on a Thursday or Sunday?

party people out there…?

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:23 pm

“…..Ladies, and gentlemen I guess, would you be down to date a person who has a newborn baby? Like under six months old?…….”

nope, if your child is under 1 yrs old; I keep it movin’

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
2:24 pm

@I am ~ it may have been a Strawberry Letter moment, but a guy got mad because he asked his girl her number and she 30 when his number was only 5. He was so up in arms of her high number that he no longer sees her the way he did before knowing the number..something like that…what a crock of s…! He got what he deserved by being stupid! Guess she would have faired better if she had lied. For all we know she may have lied!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:24 pm

Had to fill out the new patient info form at the lady parts doctor. The form asked my number.

I’m glad I knew it! :lol:

For Real

November 10th, 2010
2:26 pm

On topic: Men don’t fooled by that “Woman Speak” if you marry a chick you are her HUSBAND PERIOD!!! If a chick believe that the title of “Best Friend” is more important than the title of “HUSBAND” why do they pursue marriage like EL pursues tight shirts? Besides, if a chick considers a dude to be her best friend it’s because ole boy is caking her and she doesn’t have to put forth any effort to be his friend. i.e can you come pick me up I drunk. can you come fix my sank? can you come go with me shopping? can you loan me $13? can you get me some tires? can you pick me up some tampons? i just got into an argument with my man can you come over and comfort me?

Now, does any of that sound a like friendship? Dang sho ain’t friendship that men are accustom to having. Fellas don’t fall for that BS. If you marry a chick it better be cause you want a wife and not freaking friend.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:26 pm

“…..Personally, I don’t date men with kids. Just me……”

If that is your preference that is perfectly fine. Keep in mind though the older you get (like around mid 30’s and up), the harder it is to find someone that does not have kids.

blue®

November 10th, 2010
2:27 pm

Queen Elizabeth II is on Facebook?? whyy…anyway, what are you people talking about in here? been stuck under papers all morning…..

For Real

November 10th, 2010
2:28 pm

Ared: I prefer to date women with children who are in a stable relationship with the father of her child(ren) but I will not date a chick that has 4 kids by 3 different fathers.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
2:32 pm

SexyCool/Delight – I tried some of Carol’s Daughter’s products just on a whim. Like I said, I like the styling aids (sheen sprays, leave in conditioners). Ive found they work really well. However the other hair stuff not so much. As far as shampoos and conditioners, Im faithful to Biolage and (now) Mixed Chicks. I probably have a mini beauty supply store in my closet, LOL!

And your project was too cool.

For Real

November 10th, 2010
2:32 pm

Had to fill out the new patient info form at the lady parts doctor. The form asked my number.

I’m glad I knew it!

Nurse: So Ms. Ared how many men have you sex with?

Ared: In the US?

Nurse: Period regardless of location.

Ared: 4 and a possible!

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:32 pm

“…..Had to fill out the new patient info form at the lady parts doctor. The form asked my number. ….”

I have yet to see that question on a doctor form :shock:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
2:33 pm

I prefer to date women with children who are in a stable relationship with the father of her child(ren) but I will not date a chick that has 4 kids by 3 different fathers.

4Real – How about 3 kids by 4 different fathers?

:lol:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
2:35 pm

“nope, if your child is under 1 yrs old; I keep it movin’”

Straight No Chaser. :lol:

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:36 pm

For Real – I’ve had no international or island sex. ;-)

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:37 pm

Keep in mind though the older you get (like around mid 30’s and up), the harder it is to find someone that does not have kids.

It’s not that hard. All I date is men 35+ and they don’t have kids. Some folks just attract those types (probably cuz I don’t come across as nurturing :lol: *shrug*)

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
2:38 pm

Besides, if a chick considers a dude to be her best friend it’s because ole boy is caking her and she doesn’t have to put forth any effort to be his friend.

Projections, boy…projections :-)

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
2:40 pm

Mo – You. Me. Beauty Supply junkies.

I just had to gift two bags of different products that I just wasn’t using. I’m always buying something to try and if I’m not crazy about the results, I don’t use it. I would estimate that I gave my little sister about $200 worth of hair care stuff last month.

I’ve simplified my hair care routine – These days, I stick to Nairobi for styling / setting mousse. Mizani for shampoo / conditioner. Doo Gro for hair polish spray (although I will try other brands.) I like the Elasta QP texturizer, but so far, I haven’t been brand loyal when it comes to that. My hair color is by Clairol. Any old spritz will do (because I don’t use it that often)

Other than that, there are not too many other hair products that I use.

For Real

November 10th, 2010
2:41 pm

4Real – How about 3 kids by 4 different fathers? – Now that’s just silly Kimmie.

Ared: “For Real – I’ve had no international or island sex.” – At least that’s what you put on that form.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
2:41 pm

AmazonRed™: Keep in mind though the older you get (like around mid 30’s and up), the harder it is to find someone that does not have kids

It’s not that hard. All I date is men 35+ and they don’t have kids. Some folks just attract those types (probably cuz I don’t come across as nurturing *shrug*)

^^^^^Beat mt to it. In MY EXPERIENCE, haven’t had that issue either. I like to be able to say I tried something before blatantly dismissing it. Tried this. Didn’t care for it.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
2:42 pm

4Real – How about 3 kids by 4 different fathers?

..so you saw that on Discovery the other night too huh? :P

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
2:43 pm

I have come to the conclusion that, most often, people who warn you against refusing to consider dating someone that has kids are *usually* people that have kids.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
2:44 pm

Sexxycool?

that’s all the hair grooming u do?

For Real

November 10th, 2010
2:45 pm

“Projections, boy…projections” – Nope observations, observations…. had to talk a good friend down once.

“It’s not that hard.” – I agree. I got 4 dudes in my crew that are childless and never been married. So they do exist just like Santa Clause.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:46 pm

At least that’s what you put on that form.

Sure did, cuz it was the truth. :)

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:47 pm

I have yet to see that question on a doctor form

It was my first time seeing such a thing! :lol:

blue®

November 10th, 2010
2:48 pm

just thinking that would be interesting if the form did ask your number….have the doc come in later “so ms.x how you doing today, i see your a new patient, 2 kids, no surgeries, and your number is 247 8O ….” see doc trying to stay professional after that…..

Kym

November 10th, 2010
2:50 pm

For Real ..you are right crazy!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:50 pm

blue – Right. :lol:

She was the one who told me I was doing things the “old fashioned way” because I wasn’t gonna have kids without a ring. :lol:

For Real

November 10th, 2010
2:50 pm

“see doc trying to stay professional after that” – Naw Blue see doc calling guinness.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
2:52 pm

4Real – We need some silly up in here sometimes! :lol:

I’m ready for Archer and the crew to come back!LOL!

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
2:52 pm

I can’t see my Doc asking me “the number”, where they do that at?

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:52 pm

Personally: I’ve only dated (if you want to call it that) maybe 2 or 3 guys that have kids.
Since I’ve become a parent, I haven’t dated anyone that has kids.
But I do know that it does not take rocket science to know that the older you get, the more people you will find that have kids.
Personally if I had a choice of a guy that is in his mid 30’s with 1 kid versus the guy in his mid 30’s with no kids, I would take the 1 kid guy. Keep in mind that this example only applies to guys that take care of their kids and are active in their life.
I just find men that are fathers to be more caring versus guys that are not caring.
But that’s just me.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:55 pm

Personally if I had a choice of a guy that is in his mid 30’s with 1 kid versus the guy in his mid 30’s with no kids, I would take the 1 kid guy

Right…folks with kids usually say this…

Easier to stick with your “own kind” …. so that’s why folks in their 30s without kids are still abundant.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
2:56 pm

so you saw that on Discovery the other night too huh?

Delight/4Real – It’s not far from the realm of possibility from something you would see on Discover or TLC. TLC had this special called I Am My Own Twin. It was about people who are born with 2 DNA’s. It’s very rare of course, but really becomes an issue in paternity test and forensic DNA tests tying people to crimes. It was facinating!

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
2:56 pm

I also know that the more limits you put on yourself in terms of who you don’t want to date- you limit your options.
I know a chick that won’t date anyone that doesn’t have a college degree. A degree does not actually equate to sucess, smarts, etc…
I know tons of people that make way more money than me without a degree.
I dated a trust fund baby that didn’t have a degree

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
2:56 pm

Yes, MZulu. That’s it.

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
2:56 pm

I feel you Delight. I’m not dating women with kids, nor am I dating chicks who make less than me. She should also have a post graduate degree.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:57 pm

I also know that the more limits you put on yourself in terms of who you don’t want to date- you limit your options.

Who doesn’t know that tho? :lol:

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
2:57 pm

I don;t thing boy docs ask that kind od stuff…My Doctor always ask If I am able to stand when its time to salute…LOL :D :D

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
2:58 pm

I feel you Delight. I’m not dating women with kids, nor am I dating chicks who make less than me. She should also have a post graduate degree.

Dreams – You’re joking around right? :lol:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
2:59 pm

I’m not dating women with kids, nor am I dating chicks who make less than me. She should also have a post graduate degree.

Dreams – Why didn’t you tell me all this? I never had a chance.

I’m so hurt!!! :lol:

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:00 pm

Kym: I ain’t crazy I just crush a lot.

Kimmie: I can’t wait either, that show is funny as hell.

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
3:00 pm

Dreams – You’re joking around right?
post graduat degree is slightly negotiable…phase I’m in.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:01 pm

I don;t thing boy docs ask that kind od stuff…My Doctor always ask If I am able to stand when its time to salute…LOL

My doctor did not ask. The form did. I’m sure many people just skip that question. :lol:

And again, I’ve been getting my lady parts check for a long time, it’s was a first such a thing happened for me too.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:01 pm

People will generalize like ‘I am ‘is to justify(feel good about) their own perceived ‘inadequacies’.

do u

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:01 pm

Dreams — you really wouldn’t date a woman with kids? I’m confused. :lol:

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
3:02 pm

“But I do know that it does not take rocket science to know that the older you get, the more people you will find that have kids.”

And lets hope the older you get, these kids are GROWN themselves!

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:04 pm

“I know tons of people that make way more money than me without a degree.” – Welcome to McDonald’s can I take your order.

blue®

November 10th, 2010
3:05 pm

@For Real – calling guiness, lol
@i am – also know that the more limits you put on yourself in terms of who you don’t want to date- you limit your options – agreed, thats how you end up with a house full of cats as Stanley would say, lol

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
3:05 pm

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:01 pm
Dreams — you really wouldn’t date a woman with kids? I’m confused.

Whats confusing…its no different that the dladies that don’t dates guys with kids….

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:05 pm

4Real – Supersize me!

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:06 pm

“And again, I’ve been getting my lady parts check for a long time, it’s was a first such a thing happened for me too.” – Shiiddd sound like you got a BOSTON!!!!!

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:08 pm

“4Real – Supersize me!” – ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
3:08 pm

@Dreams

You know what they say about the women with the doctorates and their skill set….

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:08 pm

Actually….it is more of my childless friends and associates that have states that they meet more and more guys with kids versus childless guys.

Now I said that I would prefer the 1 kid dude but my experience has been that I meet and date more guys without kids than guys with kids

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:09 pm

Yes ma’am blue!

I think opening a pet shop might be a profitable business :lol:

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:09 pm

Whats confusing…its no different that the dladies that don’t dates guys with kids….

Well, the difference is that those ladies don’t often have kids themselves. I just thought you thought differently.

Trust me, I was thinking of trying online dating, because I would like to find a guy who doesn’t even WANT kids. There are plenty from what I can tell, but that’s because they come with kids of their own. There are like 10 guys out there that don’t want kids, but don’t have any either! :lol:

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:11 pm

but my experience has been that I meet and date more guys without kids than guys with kids

Go figure! I guess there are an abundance! ;)

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:11 pm

People trip me out, warning folks about putting “limits” on who they want to date!

In my opinion, everyone has a right to their preference. As long as it’s working for them, and even if it’s not, what do you care? The only questions you need to ask is if you want to date that person, do they want to date you and do you fall under their preferences? If the answer is no to any of those questions, it’s a wrap!

So what if it limits the choices available if someone won’t date people with kids? They only need one!

Kym

November 10th, 2010
3:13 pm

@For Real these days you will find folks with degrees working behind the counter at Mickie D’s and at Wally World.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:14 pm

People trip me out, warning folks about putting “limits” on who they want to date!

In my opinion, everyone has a right to their preference. As long as it’s working for them, and even if it’s not, what do you care?

kimmie – Girl yes. If it takes me longer (or forever) to find what I want. So be it. Being single is not a death sentence. :lol:

But I also know that most people are open minded enough to take a chance for a good person, even if he doesnt fit 100% of the criteria you set anyway.

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:15 pm

Dan: “I can’t see my Doc asking me “the number”,” – Especially if your Doc is a proctologist.

Doc: Okay Mr. Superior now this is going to be cold but just relax.

Dan: Wait, wait I change my mind… Oh my dayum!!!

Doc: There we go. Okay two more minutes and I’m done. By the way what’s your number?

Dan passes the f/k out.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
3:15 pm

Projections, boy…projections” – Nope observations, observations…. had to talk a good friend down once.

When you generalize, you project your experiences(observations) on EVERYBODY. All I’m saying ForReal. ;)

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:15 pm

Kym – your 313p reminded me of something that Toucan was talking about the other day – folks with their degrees posted on their cubicle wall.

Could you imagine the cashier at Walmart having their degree taped to their register? LOL! Silly me!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
3:18 pm

@i am – i could have a pet shop…tho i prefer dogs over cats…why is it alwys a house full of cats, why not a house full of dogs……end up one of those old ladies, ive met you and i like my dog better….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:18 pm

Sexy…..i was thinking the same thing…..

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:20 pm

“So what if it limits the choices available if someone won’t date people with kids? They only need one!” – For Real now applying that theory to eating versus not eating.

Kym: You can find people with degrees in a soup line too.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
3:21 pm

@For Real

I ain’t 35 yet, I hear a plastic glove snap and I’m ready to fight.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
3:22 pm

“So what if it limits the choices available if someone won’t date people with kids? They only need one.”

Bingo. Prior to my current sweetie, I’d meet guys that are shocked I don’t have at least one child. Stop watching so much tv and believing all the proported statistics. Big ocean, not just your pond (circle).

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:22 pm

Sexxycool?

I think they will hang it by the register,assuming they are happy with their situation!

If I was going to apply for a jobs at the local mickydee,my degree won’t even come up on the app.

I might buy some fake gold teef tho to sport whilst on the job!

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:22 pm

D2tree: Exactly how many times does it have to happen before it stops being a generalization?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:24 pm

Amred – It just irks me that a lot of people, including other women, think that a woman does not have a right to a preference. She should just accept the first thing that comes along, whether she’s repulsed by it or not!

Heck, I’ve been told not to limit myself by not wanting to date a man that smokes! Smokes! I would be hard pressed to find someone that DID smoke in the circles I run in!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:24 pm

“I might buy some fake gold teef tho to sport whilst on the job!”

…..LOLOLOLOL!

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
3:25 pm

“…tho i prefer dogs over cats…why is it alwys a house full of cats, why not a house full of dogs……”

Cats can find their litter boxes, dogs need to be walked or they will relieve themselves in the house! :lol: :lol:

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:25 pm

Dan: “I hear a plastic glove snap and I’m ready to fight.” – Dayum that you better look for if he is taking notes while he perform the exam.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

seriously though, would y’all educated folks be embarrassed if y’all had to accept a menial job?

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

I might buy some fake gold teef tho to sport whilst on the job!

fuuuuneeee….stop stereotyping man

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

I might buy some fake gold teef tho to sport whilst on the job!

LOL!!!!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

i get having preferences, but sometimes it seems that they are so arbitrary – i dont date guys that drive Fords…i dont date guys who eat at Taco Bell…i dont date guys who can type as well as i can…weird stuff like that. sometimes seems to me that stuff like that limits your options.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

kimmie – You know I feel you.

Even funnier though..is that all I ask is for standards I set for myself! So how could I ever believe it would be difficult to find a man who is doing the SAME as I am!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:27 pm

I do have a good number of smokers in my crew tho. And I’m not talking about cigarettes. :lol: Heck, I went to that hippie school. :lol:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
3:29 pm

For Real: D2tree: Exactly how many times does it have to happen before it stops being a generalization?

When you meet everyone who fits that description, i.e.,… never gonna happen. I don’t believe MOST black men, are in jail, downlow, got 8 baby mommas, slanging, only date white women, blah, blah, blah…. cuz I have not met MOST of them.

I operate from the reality that MY perceptions are MY reality.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:29 pm

I hear a plastic glove snap and I’m ready to fight.

Lawd. :roll:

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:29 pm

MZulu – the second statement in your 322p – agree with that.

And if I were laid off and to the point of needing to apply for a job that I would be obviously determined to be overqualified for, I would tailor my resume/application to the specific position. In the same tone, I would only list my past salaries as having been in the range of the job that I was trying to get.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
3:31 pm

@2C ~ to be honest with you, NO. Pride doesn’t pay the bills nor put food in my child’s belly. I’ve had to swallow mine on a few occasions and I’m none the worse for doing so. But, will I feel bad about having to take this other job, probably, but I will do it to the best of my ability with my head held high because despite this demotion, there are things worse for a lot of other folk. I will keep marching….

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
3:31 pm

Another great day of blogging. But… I AM OUTIE!!. :-)

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:32 pm

2Can – Even though I had gotten my MBA, I still didn’t get immediately promoted on the job that I had. I needed some extra money, so I got a parttime job at Publix. Saw a few folk I knew at the checkout.

Was not embarrassed in the least. I looked at it this way – some folks have NO job, I’m blessed to have two. I know several educated folks with 2nd jobs or even primary jobs in retail.

Times too tough to be trying to look cute. I admire their hustle. Cause I know plenty on the flip side that are too “proud” and would rather go without.

Not I!

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:34 pm

2Can?

I couldn’t help laughing at my own joke.

I have worked menial jobs tho,u know I’m an immigrant.
I did simple clerical, warehouse etc and remember going out at nite to do a warehouse temp stint tgether eith my young brother,just to give him moral support when he 1st moved here.

But I refused to accept a cashier job at a fast food or grocery store.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:34 pm

Every have one of those days where you don’t feel like doing ish?
Yep today and everyday is one of those days

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

Was not embarrassed in the least. I looked at it this way – some folks have NO job, I’m blessed to have two. I know several educated folks with 2nd jobs or even primary jobs in retail.

Times too tough to be trying to look cute. I admire their hustle. Cause I know plenty on the flip side that are too “proud” and would rather go without.

AMEN sista

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

SCool – YES! You know I am a beauty supply store junkie! My sister will come over/call me and say “what can I use for….”. Now my current hair color is a mix of tubes so I leave that to the professional. And I dont want to get into the combs/brushes/curling irons/flat irons/etc. My newest find: Edges, this stuff is a god-send. Been trying to find it forever and it just surfaced at a store near me. YAAAY!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

Embarrassed? For what? To have a job and keep the bills paid? I’d be embarrassed if I had to resort to the pole. :lol:

I used to work the smoothie bar at Crunch Fitness. It was a 2nd job because my first job was in my field, but didn’t pay much. It was interesting how folks just thought that was all I did, when in my “real” job I spent home game in a luxury suite at the Falcons games. :lol:

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:36 pm

“…..seriously though, would y’all educated folks be embarrassed if y’all had to accept a menial job?….”

some people consider customer service menial and I do it everyday.
Pays a lot too! :-D

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:36 pm

well…it pays a lot where I work .

I know that if I were working in my major right now, I would be earning 15-20K less

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

Leggs, Kimmie, that’s what’s up……

I guess I’m the same way….cause I’ve always said, hell, you pay me right, and I’ll pump gas!!!

Sassy Me :-)

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

there are things worse for a lot of other folk. I will keep marching….

That’s what’s up Leggs… Had some real crazy isht going on myself but I didn’t let on about it to anyone…just did what I had to do and prayed…ALOT. I know things are going to work out for the highest good for you.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

Before the parttime Publix gig, I delivered newspapers before going to my main job. Got tired of having to be up so early to go get the papers, roll and bag them and deliver them before daylight!

But you do what you gotta do! I’m a hustler!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

‘But I refused to accept a cashier job at a fast food or grocery store.’

I will do that before I take a job as a call center rep. Talk about enough to make you go postal!

Kym

November 10th, 2010
3:38 pm

@kimmie…my employer has started talking furloughs..you know what that means..check come up short..hi ho hi JC Penny’s I go.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:38 pm

Mo – that was the other thing that I was going to put in that post. I am getting to the point that I need to replace *all* of my seldom-used curling irons.

And as to my hair color, I put heat on it so infrequently that it’s really hard for me to mess it up by doing it at home (fortunately). Otherwise, Traci at Salon787 would be all over my color too.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
3:39 pm

Unloaded a truck at UPS through school and Walgreen’s after – the bill collectors don’t take pride as payment.

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:40 pm

D2tree: What you describe is defined as an absolute. We where talking about generalities. I agree nothing is absolute but you there are trends aka generalities tho.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:41 pm

Had some real crazy isht going on myself but I didn’t let on about it to anyone…just did what I had to do

I can attest and agree. Can’t exactly qualify as “crazy” but it’s dang crazy when a mama gives birth to 8 kids and only 3 takes care of her….as with my dad. The others? They’ll call and make promises. And frankly we black folks, we ain’t putting mama in a home. So, we dig deep in the pockets and pay and nurse EVERY week and keep her home moving and going. Making sure grocery stocked and she’s getting shoes either as SAS or special made…..all the while mainting and keeping your home going. Who’s too proud to do what? Sometimes you gotta do whatcha gotta and draw from your reserves. ESPECIALLY when you’re mama is as feisty as mine and quick with the comebacks on the days you wanna say lookahere old lady….but you can’t cause she’s your mama and you uphold her with the utmost respect. Naw I ain’t too proud.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:41 pm

Ared – that is the thing about working those kinds of gigs. That folks assume it is your main job.

Like my current side deal managing a room of beer guys during Falcons games. So many assume that it’s all I do.

*kanye shrug*

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:43 pm

Oh, I just named a couple of things…she has a standing salon appointment, loooooves clothes, always wants to look good and smell good…and she’s 81 AND wants her “church money” paid…I could go on…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:43 pm

that’s funny….I think I’ve done damn near everything y’all have listed….albeit briefly, but nonetheless, did that!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:44 pm

And frankly we black folks, we ain’t putting mama in a home.

Uh…plenty of black folks do that.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:45 pm

I’m with blue
It’s okay not to settle but when you make the list demands then well, good luck with that.

Here are a list of things that I’ve heard women say:

coming from a chick that made 6 figures: I won’t date a dude that makes less than me

Coming from a chick that had a raggedy car: I won’t date a guy unless he has a really nice car with rims

Coming from a chick that was already tall herself: I won’t date a guy that is not at least 6′4 or taller

Coming from a chick that dropped out of college and now she’s back in: I won’t date a guy unless he has a post degree.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:45 pm

Uh…plenty of black folks do that.

Uh…That wasn’t my point….

East Point's Own

November 10th, 2010
3:46 pm

What is crazy are the jobs that won’t “allow” their employees to have certain part time jobs…I can only imagine its because they don’t want it to be known that their employees have to resort to having a part time job to get by. I know personally someone who was told by their primary employer that they could not have a certain part time job, mind you the part time job was not with a competitor or even in the same industry…

http://hispointofview.com/2010/11/i-stay-sharp/

blue®

November 10th, 2010
3:46 pm

@2C – ….cause I’ve always said, hell, you pay me right, and I’ll pump gas!!! my sentiments exactly. for me im working, and thats what i ought to be doing. had a girlfriend a while back embarassed to tell me she was serving at Ruby Tuesdays. when it finally came out im like ok, what was the big deal, your employed, legally. its paying your bills, and is legal, so whats the problem

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:47 pm

No plenty of folks put their parents IN a home.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:47 pm

The newspaper delivery job comes with nice fringe benefits….u get to me some ladies still in their unbotyonrd morning gowns!

Hello Ms Smith,how u doing this sexxy morning?

Some of those killer smiles will be saying,’come back soon when u done in the subdividion’

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:48 pm

Blue: She said Rudy Tuesday he that pimp over off Headland and Delowe.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:48 pm

Coming from a chick that was already tall herself: I won’t date a guy that is not at least 6′4 or taller

So what? A tall person can’t want another tall person?

Funny thing is, I’m 5′11 and the chicks hollering the loudest about needing a man taller than them… are shorties. :?

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
3:50 pm

@Zulu ~ I remember when my ex had lost his job. Times were tight. Went to Party City to get a few items for my child’s b-day party. She was about 3 so didn’t need much. If I remember correctly, I purchased glue, glitter and construction paper and made things. But, there was a for hire sign in the window and I pleaded with him to get an application. He sat there never looking up from the newspaper saying he’s too good to work in Party City. Well, I wasn’t and I applied and got the job. I stayed there 6 months. I was working 2 jobs, taking care of a toddler and fighting with him. Those days made me an even stronger woman!

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:50 pm

Amazon: my point is that if she met a dude that was like 5′11 that had the bomb resume and would make a great boyfriend husband
the chick would hold out for the 6′4 dude.
Anyway she’s still single….. complaining she’s single……..

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:52 pm

my point is that if she met a dude that was like 5′11 that had the bomb resume and would make a great boyfriend husband
the chick would hold out for the 6′4 dude.

Yeah…so what? Why knock someone who thinks they find a guy with a great resume and great husband/boyfriend material who is ALSO 6′4″+?

More power to them, IMO.

Trevor0529

November 10th, 2010
3:54 pm

Anyway she’s still single….. complaining she’s single

@I am, that is her problem.

The thing about preferences/options is you can change them whenever you want.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:56 pm

Leggs?

Ofcourse he’s a fool..

I have a My Bytch Ass in finance but will cut grass to pay my mortgage…..anytime.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:57 pm

But, there was a for hire sign in the window and I pleaded with him to get an application.

Leggs – I can’t even imagine you doing this! :lol:

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:01 pm

@ARed ~ I know, just sad!

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:08 pm

Celisea?

so u take care of ur mum?

that’s why I like u.

I will kill for my mum.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:16 pm

8 kids, 3 take care of her. That’s why I don’t buy the argument that having kids means someone will watch over you when you get old….

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
4:18 pm

Zulu – Celisea? so u take care of ur mum? that’s why I like u.

Yep…I love my mama too…she’s a riot most days. It’s so funny (cause she’s upbeat all the time) my brother was like ummm, you’re mourning period for pops done ended already? Here and there she can be a grouch but most days she’s easy breezy. I love the fact that she’s a whipper snapper and really not too much she can’t do, eat or go. Quick wit…those are the days you have to bite your tongue…LOL She can still roll french off her tongue like in her yesteryears. She’s got slight dementia but you would NEVER know it. She deserves everybit of how she’s being cared for.

But yeah, you alright with me too.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
4:20 pm

That’s why I don’t buy the argument that having kids means someone will watch over you when you get old….

Ain’t that the truth. They’ll call and make all these promises of coming by or bringing something or contributing but you NEVER see anybody. When she hangs up she’ll say, “honey they ain’t gon do nothing…here put this on the jack”…a distant memory. She’s still cute anyway.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:21 pm

Ared?

u know when the kids are many,some kids try to peek in the other’s pockets,assuming they will do this or that coz they figure,they have more loot.

fewer kids will do(achieve) what many won’t,in many instances.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
4:22 pm

Actually 7 kids because my sister passed…still that’s more than a plenty for chipping

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:24 pm

fewer kids will do(achieve) what many won’t,in many instances.

I have two siblings. My vote is for putting my parents in a home. I promise to pay the bill tho. :D

:lol:

blue®

November 10th, 2010
4:27 pm

@ARed – lol, im the only child. mom lives with us. and there are days when i tell her she’s gonna keep bugging me and im sending her to a home in Canada….too far for her to hitchhike back…

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:28 pm

Main reason why I regret having one child…all the pressure is on her to take care of me when I can’t take care of myself.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:30 pm

I’m more in favor of keeping my parents at home assuming u from a large family and live in same city,for the most part.

But if u spaced and fewer in number to provide comfort and nursing,a home will do just fine as long as u visit frequently.

Some kids tho don’t even care,either way!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:37 pm

Some kids tho don’t even care,either way!

I mean, I feel no shame in having other people care for my parents. There’s no guarantee your children will out live you, or have the means to care for you. You should be looking out for yourself anyway.

But my baby sister has offered to take them in if and when the time comes. Not to say I wouldn’t do it, but I’d be willing to look at all options and make sure the best one is chosen for the benefit of the entire family.

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
4:42 pm

seriously though, would y’all educated folks be embarrassed if y’all had to accept a menial job?
was laid off in 2008 for 4 months. worked a security gig at an office building. worked 3rd shift (midnight to 8am) so I could still network and interview during the day.

My vote is for putting my parents in a home
I agree. Often, we can’t provide the round the clock care that a trained professional can. Many people do their parents more a disservice than not by trying to care for them on their own.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:42 pm

Ared?
true,money will do what u personally won’t or can’t do.
I like ur baby sister..good girl!

tell her I will put her on my long deep bench in reserve,just in case!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:47 pm

:lol: Shut up melo.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:49 pm

Many people do their parents more a disservice than not by trying to care for them on their own.

True. And I know times are hard, but I think a lot of parents lean on the “my kids will take care of me” when they need to take care of themselves. It’s wrong to raise your kids to be successful and get their affairs in order and then you come along and drain them trying have them keep you in specially made shoes. :lol:

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:53 pm

@Zulu ~ valgame dios!!!!

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
4:54 pm

I miss my parents….

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:59 pm

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. ~ Louisa May Alcott

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:00 pm

seems all this week i have been unblogging…feel out of touch sniff sniff….

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:00 pm

((Hugs)) @ Simple Man!

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:01 pm

Ared..Thats why you are my girl… :)

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:03 pm

Not the same once they’re gone…dad passed last year. We watched him go… He kept saying “I’m ready” He came out of a comatose like state, talked,said his goodbyes and went right back. You could see death on him. And again it was just us 3, my mom and our kids. Yeah, my other siblings were crying like babies…the guilt cry. One brother was like I’m stuck in the airport…um death waits on no man…should have come when you had the opportunity. My sister woke up about 1 am saying she was ready. Did the same thing, asked for folks and said her goodbyes and told my mama “I’ll see you on the other side. Folks boo hooing and stop to say don’t cry for me, I’m going home…she was 38. Once the process starting happening it took her about an hour or so to go…she was talking the entire time. Watching death like that is really profound and leaves you in awe.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:04 pm

Okay…too deep…let me stop

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:07 pm

holding hands with Simple Man and Celisea…

still have both my parents but had a scare with my Dad recently, not sure how id hold up….

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:11 pm

Yeah, Higgs to u Celisea and Simple!

What was wrong with sis?

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:12 pm

blue – Yes, hand holding was much needed. I think more so for my sister…we were pretty tight…and she loooooved my babygirl who was five at the time. She was a REAL sweetie pie.

Girl, you find you’re a lot stronger that what you really even knew :)

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:13 pm

One of my old co-workers…when her mother died she took a leave of absence for like 6 months.

That’s gonna be me.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:14 pm

Zulu – What was wrong with sis?

Cancer. She was diagnosed at 32 and went into remission…came back at 36…lived 2 years with it. She had colon cancer…wasn’t common for women and then young women, so that was the last place they looked.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
5:15 pm

@Leggs, yes, we discussed children when we started dating and he said he would was open to having another child. His older children are pre-teens.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
5:16 pm

So what’s his hangup now? How long ago did he say he was fine only to change his stance when the baby is actually on its’s way to greet him???

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:18 pm

Celisea?

so sad,she was so young.
It’s hard to deal with death, death is never common

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:18 pm

So what’s his hangup now?

Well, he said he was “open”…it’s the oldest trick in the book, cuz “open” doors always have the option to close!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:18 pm

@Celisea – awww, its good that the family stood together. we have a large family, mostly on my dads side, hes one of 9 (7 living) but they are so prone to infighting and grudges im not counting on that family support system. kinda scary :(

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
5:21 pm

You got that right, ARed! Also “open” is just a play with words. He never said he “wanted” another kid. Just kept her dangling with insincere hopefulness.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:21 pm

Zulu – I would play things over and over in my head, like times we went off together and would still be amazed that she was gone. She had to do Chemo twice a week and she would drive herself there and home the first day, by the 2nd day she was too sick…a real trooper. I went with but I couldn’t hang with that. Some folks you’d see one week and the next week gone.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:26 pm

blue – but they are so prone to infighting and grudges im not counting on that family support system.

That’s probably more common than not…LOL We don’t fight with them other jokers, we just know if you have it within your power to do and you don’t, that’s on you. Since your mom lives it’s probably easier than waiting on other folks and you just go head and do the dang thing. It can be more of a burden waiting on other folks. Don’t worry when the time comes for getting down to brass tacks it will be there.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:26 pm

Celisea!

so how many sisters and bros u got now andare they in Atlanta??

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:28 pm

2 sisters, 2 brothers in Atlanta…1 in TX and 1 I can’t concretely state…LOL He’ll send a plastic flower for Mother’s Day or call and say he’s found “religion” every six months…LOL All we can do is check caller ID.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
5:29 pm

@legs A few years…

He said he was content with just being with me.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:30 pm

Slim was saying that strange things are happening in here after hours and I was staying all this while,hoping the swingers roll call might just pop….

is there some code word I need to say to signal I’m in?

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:31 pm

Blue…You working late today???

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:33 pm

Lol celisea @ that Jesus brother!

that’s fam right there!

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:35 pm

Zulu – Lol celisea @ that Jesus brother!

We ain’t gon even start…LOL He’ll find “religion” fall off the horse (i.e. sex, women, drugs) hang his head in shame and start over. Sometimes he’ll call me and I actually like talking to him more than the other stragglers cause he’s just himself.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:38 pm

Ok guys,I’m out.

Celisea baby, keep ur head up,..u too Simple!

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:38 pm

Good weekend Zulu!!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:41 pm

@Celisea – He’ll send a plastic flower for Mother’s Day or call and say he’s found “religion” every six months – lol, stories like that make me wish i had siblings just to have the stories, lol
@Simple Man – yeah, im still here, lol

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:46 pm

Did you bring that paddle with you???

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:48 pm

Simple – Don’t get your ass cut!

Good night all. :)

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:49 pm

@Simple Man – of course ;) . got my handcuffs too, lol

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:50 pm

(wondering what that meant…whose gonna cut ‘im? hmmmm)

nite ARed, lol

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:51 pm

Night Ared…..

Blue…cool, because I have my chaps….I alos bought these nipple clamps but I don’t know how to put them on…..

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:52 pm

(backing away now…) nipple whats??? um, uh…

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:54 pm

blue – @Celisea – He’ll send a plastic flower for Mother’s Day or call and say he’s found “religion” every six months – lol, stories like that make me wish i had siblings just to have the stories, lol

Growing up, it was ALWAYS a riot…overcrowded, sharing bedrooms, not a lot of eating out but memories out the window. Some of the best times ever!!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:55 pm

@Celisea – lol, (kicking at the floor now) and i just have that time i wrote my name in crayon on the window screen and tried to tell my dad it wasnt me….

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:56 pm

Its cool…the bax said to give to the woman with the paddle….I thought all ladies knew how to wear them,….

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:59 pm

blue – @Celisea – lol, (kicking at the floor now) and i just have that time i wrote my name in crayon on the window screen and tried to tell my dad it wasnt me….

Yeah, plenty of those type incidents. I was just telling mama Sunday, my brothers cap and gown picture had to be redone from a huge scratch where I sprayed Pledge and wiped. She was whipping folks left and right…I never opened my mouth. When I told her Sunday she said if she had the strength she would pop me…LOL

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:59 pm

Okay, I’m out….I see I’m wreaking ya’ll after hours freak flow…LOL

Good night!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
6:01 pm

LOL, thats a good one, i tell my mom You Cant Hit Me Now!!!!
Nite!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
6:01 pm

alright now Simple, im sure i could figure them out, but i aint quite into those, what do you think i am, crazy? lol

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
6:04 pm

Not crazy…Just creative!! :)

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
6:05 pm

Please tell me I did not bring this gallon of baby oil with glitter mixed in all the way here for nothing????