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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Should you marry your best friend?

I met a really wonderful woman on my business trip this week. She had been married for 20 years and said that her husband was just diagnosed with cancer. It was obviously a great source of pain for her but when she talked about possibly losing her best friend, I nearly started to cry!

She said that the best part of their marriage was the fact that they are so close. They have been best friends and she believes the dynamics of their marriage was strengthened by this. Well, it made me think that marrying your best friend makes a lot of sense.

My best friend is a woman and is already married with kids. I already asked if she wanted to marry me but she won’t budge. However, I can picture falling in love with a man and we become best friends, though. I’m curious about how this all works in a marriage. For instance, if I want to vent to my best friend how my man is driving me nuts and I want to plot his demise. It could get awkward!

Seriously, though what happens when your significant other is your best friend? Would it work out better for the relationship? Can the friend dynamic of a dating relationship ever backfire in some way?

359 comments Add your comment

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
4:18 pm

Zulu – Celisea? so u take care of ur mum? that’s why I like u.

Yep…I love my mama too…she’s a riot most days. It’s so funny (cause she’s upbeat all the time) my brother was like ummm, you’re mourning period for pops done ended already? Here and there she can be a grouch but most days she’s easy breezy. I love the fact that she’s a whipper snapper and really not too much she can’t do, eat or go. Quick wit…those are the days you have to bite your tongue…LOL She can still roll french off her tongue like in her yesteryears. She’s got slight dementia but you would NEVER know it. She deserves everybit of how she’s being cared for.

But yeah, you alright with me too.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
4:20 pm

That’s why I don’t buy the argument that having kids means someone will watch over you when you get old….

Ain’t that the truth. They’ll call and make all these promises of coming by or bringing something or contributing but you NEVER see anybody. When she hangs up she’ll say, “honey they ain’t gon do nothing…here put this on the jack”…a distant memory. She’s still cute anyway.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:21 pm

Ared?

u know when the kids are many,some kids try to peek in the other’s pockets,assuming they will do this or that coz they figure,they have more loot.

fewer kids will do(achieve) what many won’t,in many instances.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
4:22 pm

Actually 7 kids because my sister passed…still that’s more than a plenty for chipping

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:24 pm

fewer kids will do(achieve) what many won’t,in many instances.

I have two siblings. My vote is for putting my parents in a home. I promise to pay the bill tho. :D

:lol:

blue®

November 10th, 2010
4:27 pm

@ARed – lol, im the only child. mom lives with us. and there are days when i tell her she’s gonna keep bugging me and im sending her to a home in Canada….too far for her to hitchhike back…

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:28 pm

Main reason why I regret having one child…all the pressure is on her to take care of me when I can’t take care of myself.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:30 pm

I’m more in favor of keeping my parents at home assuming u from a large family and live in same city,for the most part.

But if u spaced and fewer in number to provide comfort and nursing,a home will do just fine as long as u visit frequently.

Some kids tho don’t even care,either way!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:37 pm

Some kids tho don’t even care,either way!

I mean, I feel no shame in having other people care for my parents. There’s no guarantee your children will out live you, or have the means to care for you. You should be looking out for yourself anyway.

But my baby sister has offered to take them in if and when the time comes. Not to say I wouldn’t do it, but I’d be willing to look at all options and make sure the best one is chosen for the benefit of the entire family.

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
4:42 pm

seriously though, would y’all educated folks be embarrassed if y’all had to accept a menial job?
was laid off in 2008 for 4 months. worked a security gig at an office building. worked 3rd shift (midnight to 8am) so I could still network and interview during the day.

My vote is for putting my parents in a home
I agree. Often, we can’t provide the round the clock care that a trained professional can. Many people do their parents more a disservice than not by trying to care for them on their own.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:42 pm

Ared?
true,money will do what u personally won’t or can’t do.
I like ur baby sister..good girl!

tell her I will put her on my long deep bench in reserve,just in case!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:47 pm

:lol: Shut up melo.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:49 pm

Many people do their parents more a disservice than not by trying to care for them on their own.

True. And I know times are hard, but I think a lot of parents lean on the “my kids will take care of me” when they need to take care of themselves. It’s wrong to raise your kids to be successful and get their affairs in order and then you come along and drain them trying have them keep you in specially made shoes. :lol:

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:53 pm

@Zulu ~ valgame dios!!!!

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
4:54 pm

I miss my parents….

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:59 pm

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. ~ Louisa May Alcott

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:00 pm

seems all this week i have been unblogging…feel out of touch sniff sniff….

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:00 pm

((Hugs)) @ Simple Man!

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:01 pm

Ared..Thats why you are my girl… :)

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:03 pm

Not the same once they’re gone…dad passed last year. We watched him go… He kept saying “I’m ready” He came out of a comatose like state, talked,said his goodbyes and went right back. You could see death on him. And again it was just us 3, my mom and our kids. Yeah, my other siblings were crying like babies…the guilt cry. One brother was like I’m stuck in the airport…um death waits on no man…should have come when you had the opportunity. My sister woke up about 1 am saying she was ready. Did the same thing, asked for folks and said her goodbyes and told my mama “I’ll see you on the other side. Folks boo hooing and stop to say don’t cry for me, I’m going home…she was 38. Once the process starting happening it took her about an hour or so to go…she was talking the entire time. Watching death like that is really profound and leaves you in awe.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:04 pm

Okay…too deep…let me stop

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:07 pm

holding hands with Simple Man and Celisea…

still have both my parents but had a scare with my Dad recently, not sure how id hold up….

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:11 pm

Yeah, Higgs to u Celisea and Simple!

What was wrong with sis?

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:12 pm

blue – Yes, hand holding was much needed. I think more so for my sister…we were pretty tight…and she loooooved my babygirl who was five at the time. She was a REAL sweetie pie.

Girl, you find you’re a lot stronger that what you really even knew :)

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:13 pm

One of my old co-workers…when her mother died she took a leave of absence for like 6 months.

That’s gonna be me.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:14 pm

Zulu – What was wrong with sis?

Cancer. She was diagnosed at 32 and went into remission…came back at 36…lived 2 years with it. She had colon cancer…wasn’t common for women and then young women, so that was the last place they looked.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
5:15 pm

@Leggs, yes, we discussed children when we started dating and he said he would was open to having another child. His older children are pre-teens.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
5:16 pm

So what’s his hangup now? How long ago did he say he was fine only to change his stance when the baby is actually on its’s way to greet him???

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:18 pm

Celisea?

so sad,she was so young.
It’s hard to deal with death, death is never common

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:18 pm

So what’s his hangup now?

Well, he said he was “open”…it’s the oldest trick in the book, cuz “open” doors always have the option to close!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:18 pm

@Celisea – awww, its good that the family stood together. we have a large family, mostly on my dads side, hes one of 9 (7 living) but they are so prone to infighting and grudges im not counting on that family support system. kinda scary :(

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
5:21 pm

You got that right, ARed! Also “open” is just a play with words. He never said he “wanted” another kid. Just kept her dangling with insincere hopefulness.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:21 pm

Zulu – I would play things over and over in my head, like times we went off together and would still be amazed that she was gone. She had to do Chemo twice a week and she would drive herself there and home the first day, by the 2nd day she was too sick…a real trooper. I went with but I couldn’t hang with that. Some folks you’d see one week and the next week gone.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:26 pm

blue – but they are so prone to infighting and grudges im not counting on that family support system.

That’s probably more common than not…LOL We don’t fight with them other jokers, we just know if you have it within your power to do and you don’t, that’s on you. Since your mom lives it’s probably easier than waiting on other folks and you just go head and do the dang thing. It can be more of a burden waiting on other folks. Don’t worry when the time comes for getting down to brass tacks it will be there.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:26 pm

Celisea!

so how many sisters and bros u got now andare they in Atlanta??

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:28 pm

2 sisters, 2 brothers in Atlanta…1 in TX and 1 I can’t concretely state…LOL He’ll send a plastic flower for Mother’s Day or call and say he’s found “religion” every six months…LOL All we can do is check caller ID.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
5:29 pm

@legs A few years…

He said he was content with just being with me.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:30 pm

Slim was saying that strange things are happening in here after hours and I was staying all this while,hoping the swingers roll call might just pop….

is there some code word I need to say to signal I’m in?

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:31 pm

Blue…You working late today???

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:33 pm

Lol celisea @ that Jesus brother!

that’s fam right there!

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:35 pm

Zulu – Lol celisea @ that Jesus brother!

We ain’t gon even start…LOL He’ll find “religion” fall off the horse (i.e. sex, women, drugs) hang his head in shame and start over. Sometimes he’ll call me and I actually like talking to him more than the other stragglers cause he’s just himself.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
5:38 pm

Ok guys,I’m out.

Celisea baby, keep ur head up,..u too Simple!

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
5:38 pm

Good weekend Zulu!!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:41 pm

@Celisea – He’ll send a plastic flower for Mother’s Day or call and say he’s found “religion” every six months – lol, stories like that make me wish i had siblings just to have the stories, lol
@Simple Man – yeah, im still here, lol

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:46 pm

Did you bring that paddle with you???

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
5:48 pm

Simple – Don’t get your ass cut!

Good night all. :)

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:49 pm

@Simple Man – of course ;) . got my handcuffs too, lol

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:50 pm

(wondering what that meant…whose gonna cut ‘im? hmmmm)

nite ARed, lol

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
5:51 pm

Night Ared…..

Blue…cool, because I have my chaps….I alos bought these nipple clamps but I don’t know how to put them on…..

blue®

November 10th, 2010
5:52 pm

(backing away now…) nipple whats??? um, uh…