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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Should you marry your best friend?

I met a really wonderful woman on my business trip this week. She had been married for 20 years and said that her husband was just diagnosed with cancer. It was obviously a great source of pain for her but when she talked about possibly losing her best friend, I nearly started to cry!

She said that the best part of their marriage was the fact that they are so close. They have been best friends and she believes the dynamics of their marriage was strengthened by this. Well, it made me think that marrying your best friend makes a lot of sense.

My best friend is a woman and is already married with kids. I already asked if she wanted to marry me but she won’t budge. However, I can picture falling in love with a man and we become best friends, though. I’m curious about how this all works in a marriage. For instance, if I want to vent to my best friend how my man is driving me nuts and I want to plot his demise. It could get awkward!

Seriously, though what happens when your significant other is your best friend? Would it work out better for the relationship? Can the friend dynamic of a dating relationship ever backfire in some way?

359 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

seriously though, would y’all educated folks be embarrassed if y’all had to accept a menial job?

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

I might buy some fake gold teef tho to sport whilst on the job!

fuuuuneeee….stop stereotyping man

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

I might buy some fake gold teef tho to sport whilst on the job!

LOL!!!!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

i get having preferences, but sometimes it seems that they are so arbitrary – i dont date guys that drive Fords…i dont date guys who eat at Taco Bell…i dont date guys who can type as well as i can…weird stuff like that. sometimes seems to me that stuff like that limits your options.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:26 pm

kimmie – You know I feel you.

Even funnier though..is that all I ask is for standards I set for myself! So how could I ever believe it would be difficult to find a man who is doing the SAME as I am!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:27 pm

I do have a good number of smokers in my crew tho. And I’m not talking about cigarettes. :lol: Heck, I went to that hippie school. :lol:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
3:29 pm

For Real: D2tree: Exactly how many times does it have to happen before it stops being a generalization?

When you meet everyone who fits that description, i.e.,… never gonna happen. I don’t believe MOST black men, are in jail, downlow, got 8 baby mommas, slanging, only date white women, blah, blah, blah…. cuz I have not met MOST of them.

I operate from the reality that MY perceptions are MY reality.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:29 pm

I hear a plastic glove snap and I’m ready to fight.

Lawd. :roll:

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:29 pm

MZulu – the second statement in your 322p – agree with that.

And if I were laid off and to the point of needing to apply for a job that I would be obviously determined to be overqualified for, I would tailor my resume/application to the specific position. In the same tone, I would only list my past salaries as having been in the range of the job that I was trying to get.

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
3:31 pm

@2C ~ to be honest with you, NO. Pride doesn’t pay the bills nor put food in my child’s belly. I’ve had to swallow mine on a few occasions and I’m none the worse for doing so. But, will I feel bad about having to take this other job, probably, but I will do it to the best of my ability with my head held high because despite this demotion, there are things worse for a lot of other folk. I will keep marching….

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
3:31 pm

Another great day of blogging. But… I AM OUTIE!!. :-)

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:32 pm

2Can – Even though I had gotten my MBA, I still didn’t get immediately promoted on the job that I had. I needed some extra money, so I got a parttime job at Publix. Saw a few folk I knew at the checkout.

Was not embarrassed in the least. I looked at it this way – some folks have NO job, I’m blessed to have two. I know several educated folks with 2nd jobs or even primary jobs in retail.

Times too tough to be trying to look cute. I admire their hustle. Cause I know plenty on the flip side that are too “proud” and would rather go without.

Not I!

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:34 pm

2Can?

I couldn’t help laughing at my own joke.

I have worked menial jobs tho,u know I’m an immigrant.
I did simple clerical, warehouse etc and remember going out at nite to do a warehouse temp stint tgether eith my young brother,just to give him moral support when he 1st moved here.

But I refused to accept a cashier job at a fast food or grocery store.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:34 pm

Every have one of those days where you don’t feel like doing ish?
Yep today and everyday is one of those days

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

Was not embarrassed in the least. I looked at it this way – some folks have NO job, I’m blessed to have two. I know several educated folks with 2nd jobs or even primary jobs in retail.

Times too tough to be trying to look cute. I admire their hustle. Cause I know plenty on the flip side that are too “proud” and would rather go without.

AMEN sista

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

SCool – YES! You know I am a beauty supply store junkie! My sister will come over/call me and say “what can I use for….”. Now my current hair color is a mix of tubes so I leave that to the professional. And I dont want to get into the combs/brushes/curling irons/flat irons/etc. My newest find: Edges, this stuff is a god-send. Been trying to find it forever and it just surfaced at a store near me. YAAAY!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:35 pm

Embarrassed? For what? To have a job and keep the bills paid? I’d be embarrassed if I had to resort to the pole. :lol:

I used to work the smoothie bar at Crunch Fitness. It was a 2nd job because my first job was in my field, but didn’t pay much. It was interesting how folks just thought that was all I did, when in my “real” job I spent home game in a luxury suite at the Falcons games. :lol:

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:36 pm

“…..seriously though, would y’all educated folks be embarrassed if y’all had to accept a menial job?….”

some people consider customer service menial and I do it everyday.
Pays a lot too! :-D

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:36 pm

well…it pays a lot where I work .

I know that if I were working in my major right now, I would be earning 15-20K less

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

Leggs, Kimmie, that’s what’s up……

I guess I’m the same way….cause I’ve always said, hell, you pay me right, and I’ll pump gas!!!

Sassy Me :-)

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

there are things worse for a lot of other folk. I will keep marching….

That’s what’s up Leggs… Had some real crazy isht going on myself but I didn’t let on about it to anyone…just did what I had to do and prayed…ALOT. I know things are going to work out for the highest good for you.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

Before the parttime Publix gig, I delivered newspapers before going to my main job. Got tired of having to be up so early to go get the papers, roll and bag them and deliver them before daylight!

But you do what you gotta do! I’m a hustler!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 10th, 2010
3:37 pm

‘But I refused to accept a cashier job at a fast food or grocery store.’

I will do that before I take a job as a call center rep. Talk about enough to make you go postal!

Kym

November 10th, 2010
3:38 pm

@kimmie…my employer has started talking furloughs..you know what that means..check come up short..hi ho hi JC Penny’s I go.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:38 pm

Mo – that was the other thing that I was going to put in that post. I am getting to the point that I need to replace *all* of my seldom-used curling irons.

And as to my hair color, I put heat on it so infrequently that it’s really hard for me to mess it up by doing it at home (fortunately). Otherwise, Traci at Salon787 would be all over my color too.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
3:39 pm

Unloaded a truck at UPS through school and Walgreen’s after – the bill collectors don’t take pride as payment.

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:40 pm

D2tree: What you describe is defined as an absolute. We where talking about generalities. I agree nothing is absolute but you there are trends aka generalities tho.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:41 pm

Had some real crazy isht going on myself but I didn’t let on about it to anyone…just did what I had to do

I can attest and agree. Can’t exactly qualify as “crazy” but it’s dang crazy when a mama gives birth to 8 kids and only 3 takes care of her….as with my dad. The others? They’ll call and make promises. And frankly we black folks, we ain’t putting mama in a home. So, we dig deep in the pockets and pay and nurse EVERY week and keep her home moving and going. Making sure grocery stocked and she’s getting shoes either as SAS or special made…..all the while mainting and keeping your home going. Who’s too proud to do what? Sometimes you gotta do whatcha gotta and draw from your reserves. ESPECIALLY when you’re mama is as feisty as mine and quick with the comebacks on the days you wanna say lookahere old lady….but you can’t cause she’s your mama and you uphold her with the utmost respect. Naw I ain’t too proud.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
3:41 pm

Ared – that is the thing about working those kinds of gigs. That folks assume it is your main job.

Like my current side deal managing a room of beer guys during Falcons games. So many assume that it’s all I do.

*kanye shrug*

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:43 pm

Oh, I just named a couple of things…she has a standing salon appointment, loooooves clothes, always wants to look good and smell good…and she’s 81 AND wants her “church money” paid…I could go on…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
3:43 pm

that’s funny….I think I’ve done damn near everything y’all have listed….albeit briefly, but nonetheless, did that!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:44 pm

And frankly we black folks, we ain’t putting mama in a home.

Uh…plenty of black folks do that.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:45 pm

I’m with blue
It’s okay not to settle but when you make the list demands then well, good luck with that.

Here are a list of things that I’ve heard women say:

coming from a chick that made 6 figures: I won’t date a dude that makes less than me

Coming from a chick that had a raggedy car: I won’t date a guy unless he has a really nice car with rims

Coming from a chick that was already tall herself: I won’t date a guy that is not at least 6′4 or taller

Coming from a chick that dropped out of college and now she’s back in: I won’t date a guy unless he has a post degree.

Celisea

November 10th, 2010
3:45 pm

Uh…plenty of black folks do that.

Uh…That wasn’t my point….

East Point's Own

November 10th, 2010
3:46 pm

What is crazy are the jobs that won’t “allow” their employees to have certain part time jobs…I can only imagine its because they don’t want it to be known that their employees have to resort to having a part time job to get by. I know personally someone who was told by their primary employer that they could not have a certain part time job, mind you the part time job was not with a competitor or even in the same industry…

http://hispointofview.com/2010/11/i-stay-sharp/

blue®

November 10th, 2010
3:46 pm

@2C – ….cause I’ve always said, hell, you pay me right, and I’ll pump gas!!! my sentiments exactly. for me im working, and thats what i ought to be doing. had a girlfriend a while back embarassed to tell me she was serving at Ruby Tuesdays. when it finally came out im like ok, what was the big deal, your employed, legally. its paying your bills, and is legal, so whats the problem

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:47 pm

No plenty of folks put their parents IN a home.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:47 pm

The newspaper delivery job comes with nice fringe benefits….u get to me some ladies still in their unbotyonrd morning gowns!

Hello Ms Smith,how u doing this sexxy morning?

Some of those killer smiles will be saying,’come back soon when u done in the subdividion’

For Real

November 10th, 2010
3:48 pm

Blue: She said Rudy Tuesday he that pimp over off Headland and Delowe.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:48 pm

Coming from a chick that was already tall herself: I won’t date a guy that is not at least 6′4 or taller

So what? A tall person can’t want another tall person?

Funny thing is, I’m 5′11 and the chicks hollering the loudest about needing a man taller than them… are shorties. :?

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
3:50 pm

@Zulu ~ I remember when my ex had lost his job. Times were tight. Went to Party City to get a few items for my child’s b-day party. She was about 3 so didn’t need much. If I remember correctly, I purchased glue, glitter and construction paper and made things. But, there was a for hire sign in the window and I pleaded with him to get an application. He sat there never looking up from the newspaper saying he’s too good to work in Party City. Well, I wasn’t and I applied and got the job. I stayed there 6 months. I was working 2 jobs, taking care of a toddler and fighting with him. Those days made me an even stronger woman!

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
3:50 pm

Amazon: my point is that if she met a dude that was like 5′11 that had the bomb resume and would make a great boyfriend husband
the chick would hold out for the 6′4 dude.
Anyway she’s still single….. complaining she’s single……..

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:52 pm

my point is that if she met a dude that was like 5′11 that had the bomb resume and would make a great boyfriend husband
the chick would hold out for the 6′4 dude.

Yeah…so what? Why knock someone who thinks they find a guy with a great resume and great husband/boyfriend material who is ALSO 6′4″+?

More power to them, IMO.

Trevor0529

November 10th, 2010
3:54 pm

Anyway she’s still single….. complaining she’s single

@I am, that is her problem.

The thing about preferences/options is you can change them whenever you want.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
3:56 pm

Leggs?

Ofcourse he’s a fool..

I have a My Bytch Ass in finance but will cut grass to pay my mortgage…..anytime.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
3:57 pm

But, there was a for hire sign in the window and I pleaded with him to get an application.

Leggs – I can’t even imagine you doing this! :lol:

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
4:01 pm

@ARed ~ I know, just sad!

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
4:08 pm

Celisea?

so u take care of ur mum?

that’s why I like u.

I will kill for my mum.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
4:16 pm

8 kids, 3 take care of her. That’s why I don’t buy the argument that having kids means someone will watch over you when you get old….