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Should you marry your best friend?

I met a really wonderful woman on my business trip this week. She had been married for 20 years and said that her husband was just diagnosed with cancer. It was obviously a great source of pain for her but when she talked about possibly losing her best friend, I nearly started to cry!

She said that the best part of their marriage was the fact that they are so close. They have been best friends and she believes the dynamics of their marriage was strengthened by this. Well, it made me think that marrying your best friend makes a lot of sense.

My best friend is a woman and is already married with kids. I already asked if she wanted to marry me but she won’t budge. However, I can picture falling in love with a man and we become best friends, though. I’m curious about how this all works in a marriage. For instance, if I want to vent to my best friend how my man is driving me nuts and I want to plot his demise. It could get awkward!

Seriously, though what happens when your significant other is your best friend? Would it work out better for the relationship? Can the friend dynamic of a dating relationship ever backfire in some way?

359 comments Add your comment

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
11:55 am

Dreams: I would date some of my male friends but I can’t- most of them are married

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:59 am

“If they didn’t have the quality, would you take a closer look at them?”

DreamsMaterialize, absolutely! They’re are some kool, fun, gotcha back at all times brothers. They’re just a little too free with the wang for my taste.

Mrs. Tazzee

November 10th, 2010
11:59 am

Morning Folks!

My best friend is my husband. We actually like hanging with one another. I have great girlfriends (the BEST IMO) but now they are second to my husband and they understand that fully. We did not become friends first and then fall in love – we became best friends while falling in love.

I can still call my best friend girl to vent about him – should I need to. Like Raqi said – it’s very healthy because my friends will tell me the truth. They know when I’m being petty and when my vent is valid – but more than anything they want my marriage to succeed.

There’s nothing more satisfying than waking up next to my best friend every morning.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:00 pm

So, perhaps for me…a more accurate statement would be to marry someone whom you would *choose* as a best friend.

blue®

November 10th, 2010
12:04 pm

lost again…whats this about a ferris wheel?

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:06 pm

And the thing is, why would you want to date someone that you didn’t like?

I never understood that.

I don’t like people anyway, shole ain’t spending that kinda time with someone I stand

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:12 pm

I knew that those of you that I most identify with would share similar views about this subject. It continually reinforces the fact that “Water seeks its own level.”

And since I started the 21 Days of Gratitfue thing early at the urging of a friend on FB, once I post my Day 21 picture, I will complete the month with a daily blog entry at my sJeaSpeaks blog on what I am grateful for. If I were writing a post today, it would be about the awesome inner circle of besties that I have been blessed with. I so heart each and every one of them.

Purple Rain

November 10th, 2010
12:13 pm

Of course, your spouse should be your best friend BEFORE marriage :)

evy

November 10th, 2010
12:17 pm

mornin, all!

hmmmm…’friend’, ‘best friend’, ‘lover’, ’spouse’, ‘romance’…

’spouse’ is simply the person to whom one is married

‘lover’ simply designates he or she with whom one is ’sleeping’

romance is not sex

marriage does not guarantee romance (or sex! lol)

friendship does not imply, equal or prohibit romance, sex or marriage

certainly one can be married to or sexually involved with someone without being friends and vice versa, but that does not mean that the different states cannot co-exist happily within a single relationship.
imo, when we draw such lines too firmly, we are limiting our own possibilites and futures. if there isn’t friendship, how is there true romance? seems to me that if you take the friendship out of the equation, then one partner is making whatever ‘romantic’ gesture for…what, exactly? sex? it’s just gymnastics, then – still enjoyable, but strictly recreational and self-limiting. marriage without friendship is…what, exactly? a convenient arrangement in which the partners exchange various favors – sexual, domestic, financial – and are grateful that they don’t have ‘play the game’ or ‘hire in’?

imo, friendship is the platform on which the best, happiest, longest-lasting personal relationships (with or without sex, romance &/or marriage) are built.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:17 pm

21 Days of Gratitfue – huh?

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
12:17 pm

“They’re just a little too free with the wang for my taste”

@Delight23 ~ I have a very good male friend that has repeatedly said to me that the fact that I know about his past has hindered from becoming serious with him. He’s right. He is a male hoes and I know it. He says he has changed and has slowed down, but I know this dude very well….Leopards do not change their spots…they just get wrinkled making the spot appear smaller! He was unfaithful throughout his entire marriage, which has ended in divorce. Male hoes and bf probably will never get together. Knowing you threw your slong around like a wet noodle isn’t very enticing!

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:19 pm

LOL…Dan…typo – Gratitude.

Check out my FB page. There is a whole album dedicated to this little project.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:27 pm

@Leggs

That’s not true. Every girl I’ve dated has known about my “past”, and they either choose to deal with me or not.

And you’re right, nothing changes but the fact that I choose whether or not to act.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
12:28 pm

Random: I really could go for some sushi right now

I wish people would stop saying Hair-Raj-oo-Ku (Harajuku)
and pronouce it the way the Japanese intended : Hah-Rah-Joo-Ku

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
12:32 pm

Leggs – Your 12:17, I can relate. That’s why in my post to Dreams about dating a former platonic best friend I said “from the outside looking in” it appears to everyone that these people would make a perfect coupling.

When you are true best friends, you know EVERYTHING, the good, bad & ugly. Sometimes the UGLY is a dealbreaker, preventing you from wanting to take things further!

The guys have also talked on here about women not wanting to introduce guys to their girlfriends. I have some female friends that are cool to have as friends, but no way would I introduce them to any male I consider a friend. Not a male I really consider a friend! I know too much!

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
12:38 pm

@Dan ~ it is very much true. Knowing how you conducted yourself in the past is very much on point in not getting with a person. Not necessarily caring about the number of partners you had, but knowing that you’ve never been checked, disrespected a lot of women, didn’t give a rat’s arse about anything but getting your rocks off, says alot going forward. It’s not only about the number!!!

@Dan ~ and just because every woman KNOWS about your past, doesn’t mean she’s seen how you’ve CONDUCTED yourself in situations you haven’t shared with that particular flavor/woman of the month!! Your words, and your actions are not always the same!

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
12:40 pm

@Kimmie

That’s just it. Adults make decisions and live with ‘em.

In some case, your homegirls have done worse than dealing with some dudes off this blog.

Don’t handcuff ‘em, trust them to fail on their own; they may even suprise you in winning with their sinning

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
12:44 pm

“…….In some case, your homegirls have done worse than dealing with some dudes off this blog. …………”

:-X

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
12:49 pm

Leggs ™ 12:17 pm: That’s precisely my/our problem. I can’t get the slore-colored glasses off when I see them.

In all fairness to Dan’s point, this may very well not be the behaviour exhibited towards me should WE take it to that level, but I’m stuck with the fact that they are even capable of this behaviour, i.e, the spots have simply deflated some, but I STILL SEE SPOTS. :|

“They’re just a little too free with the wang for my taste”

:lol: ok it just ain’t right to laugh at my own quote (blame it on the honey chicken) but I can’t help thinking about Cocoa Taylor’s “Wang Dang Doodle”

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:49 pm

This time change has done me in…energywise.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
12:55 pm

If you go on Facebook to the Atlanta Hawks page, there is a link that you can use to get free tickets to tonight’s game. You will just have to pay a fifty cent per ticket surchage to Ticketmaster. When I was on the site earlier this morning, there were seats available in the 200 section.

The downside….they are playing the Milwaukee Bucks. (Although, I haven’t gotten my basketball jones on yet this season and have no idea if the Bucks have any kind of team. Who knows? It may be a game that’s not a snoozer after all.)

Mrs. Tazzee

November 10th, 2010
12:56 pm

Hey SCool! I’ve loved reading you and Kym’s daily gratitude updates. I missed out on the beginning of that, but each day this month I’ve been blogging about being thankful. Guess I better get on day 10…. LOL

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
12:57 pm

Leggs?

I am with Dan on this.
If some guy like ur male friend is your best friend for real for real then I’m thinking he has done a rundown of all those women he knocked off,how they have purred and howled to his sexual prowess and the whole shenanegans and all this while,you two have remained Solid best of friends…
then I’m thinking there must be some of your friend in you, the female version even tho you don’t outwardly exhibit his personality.

I can understand somebody admonishing a friend for their shenanegans then later abandoning ship because they persisted in their ways But if u two guys remain ride or die,then why not take that friendship to a whole nuther level and let him rock U instead with a that playa playa sizzle he got

As for being never tested,he can always get tested so u know his shyyt is strt8! :lol:
There Leggs….there! :lol:

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:04 pm

Taz – I saw that. I’ve been checking you out. It’s the reason I’m going to pick it up on my spot starting tomorrow.

Glad to hear that Babee is doing better.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:06 pm

But if u two guys remain ride or die,then why not take that friendship to a whole nuther level and let him rock U instead with a that playa playa sizzle he got.

:?: Why would you go there knowing what you know? You’re a slore. I love ya dearly and accept that you’re a slore. Somehow that’s suppose to be a turn on.

Zulu, please help…Yeah ya weren’t talking to me. So what? Feeling nosey. :P

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:06 pm

Well, yours and Rock’s.

Speaking of which, Rock. How do YOU pronounce Raqi? Rocky? or Rah-KEE?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:09 pm

Dan – Totally disagree. Bottom-line, if you are a garden tool, have DL tendencies, sell dope, etc, I’m not getting with you or introducing my girls to you. Rehabilitate with someone else.But it doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend.

None of my girls/guys are handcuffed. In fact, being that we are friends, they’ve probably heard about the shenanigans before anyway and don’t wish to meet up.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:12 pm

Delight?

I know…lemme ask u this..,
u say u best friends right?

when he’s doing a run down of hid female friends,what’s your response?…what makes him so comfy telling u that???

I’m guessing ur response….no wonder tomorrow,he can look u in the eye and smile and tell u yet snother sleazy story…

Am I wrong?

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:14 pm

Dan – Totally disagree. Bottom-line, if you are a garden tool, have DL tendencies, sell dope, etc, I’m not getting with you or introducing my girls to you. Rehabilitate with someone else.But it doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend.

:lol:

I have a friend who has persued me romantically for years. It’s more passive than active now because I NEVER reach out to him, but he keeps in touch with me (like that really takes effort to send a text…anywhoo)

His exploits are legendary and he even had a 1 night stand with a girl I knew after she threw it at him at a house party. I just know too much to take him seriously.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:16 pm

Unless if the word ‘friend’ is being used loosely

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
1:18 pm

@Zulu ~ I would expect you to agree…that’s cool! And, he doesn’t need to get tested for me cuz I’m not about to take that ride!

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
1:19 pm

@Kimmie

Everybody got the garden tool in ‘em, some are just more honest about it. Running dope? really? what, cats is blogging from cell block “E” during yard time?

As for the DL, I can’t speak to that…

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
1:19 pm

Chrisette Michele is going to be at Carol’s Daughter at Lenox tomorrow at 630p.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
1:22 pm

Whats wrong with selling Dope???? i have been at it for close to ten years!!!

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:24 pm

Zulu. I have male friends. I’m not married so my BFF is my mother. Assuming he was my BEST friend, we’d be plucking.

If you mean sexual escapades when you say rundown, then motive is generally enticement. Trust I’ve come to learn some men will never stop trying to cross that line.

My response depends on the story, either he was nasty, crazy, being dangerous or a straight fool. We play off of each other for advice and ideas in dealing with members of each other’s sex.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:25 pm

Everybody got the garden tool in ‘em, some are just more honest about it.

Really? :roll:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:26 pm

Projections are dangerous esxpecially when liberally applied.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:26 pm

Unless if the word ‘friend’ is being used loosely

Zulu – That happens far too often, in my opinion.

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
1:27 pm

Everybody got the garden tool in ‘em, some are just more honest about it

So does everyone have a lil homo erotic tendencies in em? Cuz not EVERYBODY has certain tendencies in em. Folks just say stuff like that to feel better about their own past.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:27 pm

Leggs?

he doesn’t need to get tested for u?

but if u met a total stranger that liked and wanted to take the next level with,u think it’s logical for both of u to get tested be4 u ride?

meanwhile u know jack about his johnhson’s rotation record?

and ur friend gets a flag for being too candid?

Oh,by the way,his results are in….the player is also CLEAN

ruminate on your logic Leggs as u munch on your lunch

:lol:

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
1:27 pm

Chrisette Michele is going to be at Carol’s Daughter at Lenox tomorrow at 630p.

:-) Luv her. Carol’s Daugher? As a natural, not so much. :-(

Trevor0529

November 10th, 2010
1:29 pm

Good Afternoon,

@Delight23, I concur with your 1:25 comment. I must have some repressed garden tool tendencies that have not come to the surface yet.

:)

LURKER-1

November 10th, 2010
1:29 pm

Yeah, Simple Man, you’re one of does pushers who’s always in the dr office trying to sell your goods.
One of my brothers spend his days making dope for a living ;-)

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:30 pm

that u liked

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
1:33 pm

@Zulu ~ but if u met a total stranger that liked and wanted to take the next level with,u think it’s logical for both of u to get tested be4 u ride? Very logical!

meanwhile u know jack about his johnhson’s rotation record? – Well, all I can say is I hope it’s been rotated. I’m not going to ask the number because I think it’s one of the dumbest questions in dating history!!!

and ur friend gets a flag for being too candid? – He’s my friend, I expect him to be candid. However, that doesn’t mean I throw my desires, morals, ethics to the wind!

Oh,by the way,his results are in….the player is also CLEAN – I don’t operate on specualtion, but I would gamble he’s not!

No need to ruminate on anythng, you ain’t said anything deep enough for me give lots a thought to, but thank you anyway.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
1:33 pm

Lurker-1

Almaost….But I deal in wholesale quantities…. Nothing but wieght for the kid…

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:34 pm

Delight?

It’s not one story!
It’s stories…
If u say he’s a slore,then it’s logical that he’s got lots of stories….

but he’s ur friend

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
1:38 pm

Leggs!

Sweet nothings,ur 1.33!

that’s my take.
Why gamble he’s not clean?

Smdh

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
1:45 pm

Leggs/Amred/Delight – The thing is, as women we are expected to overlook prior bad behavior and be accepting of anything. UNTIL that old bad behavior resurfaces!

And then it will be “well you knew that going in but you got with him anyway. Were you that desperate?”!LOL!!!

But don’t let us women develop a bad, trashy rep! Oh no, if we do and want to marry one day, we must leave town! Go somewhere else and reinvent ourselves so that some poor unsuspecting soul will marry us!

We dare not bring him back home with us for the holidays or homecoming though! Lest he find out the truth! :lol:

Kym

November 10th, 2010
1:45 pm

Okay what did I type in that last message..Take Two

Hi Tazzee Mae!!

@Sexy your friends idea has really caught on! 21 Days of Gratitude.