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Should you marry your best friend?

I met a really wonderful woman on my business trip this week. She had been married for 20 years and said that her husband was just diagnosed with cancer. It was obviously a great source of pain for her but when she talked about possibly losing her best friend, I nearly started to cry!

She said that the best part of their marriage was the fact that they are so close. They have been best friends and she believes the dynamics of their marriage was strengthened by this. Well, it made me think that marrying your best friend makes a lot of sense.

My best friend is a woman and is already married with kids. I already asked if she wanted to marry me but she won’t budge. However, I can picture falling in love with a man and we become best friends, though. I’m curious about how this all works in a marriage. For instance, if I want to vent to my best friend how my man is driving me nuts and I want to plot his demise. It could get awkward!

Seriously, though what happens when your significant other is your best friend? Would it work out better for the relationship? Can the friend dynamic of a dating relationship ever backfire in some way?

359 comments Add your comment

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
10:12 am

You should learn about your future husband before the marriage, not during. Of course, as times goes by you will learn things, but you shouldn’t learn about his character, desires, moral standing during the marriage. You should know this during the dating process! Growth is growth, but certain seeds should have sprouted during the courtship. You don’t want weeds growing throughout the marriage…that would stink!

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
10:16 am

Southern Belle – Were you 2 having an affair? Because that’s the only way I see it devestating his children. If they are able to figure out the math that the child was conceived before his divorce.

He’s fed you a line. Either way, he’s gotta take care of that child. Loser.

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
10:17 am

i’m swiss – your spouse in NOT the only person you shoul be talking to. Of course you need to talk to your spouse if you’re having problems, but when you have a problem you don’t ask the problem to vent and console you. People need to vent and talk and get other people’s aka best friend’s perspectives and just have someone listen to them. Even if you’re not looking for advice, people just need to talk. If you’re having problems with your spouse you can’t just sit there with your spouse and have coffee and chit chat about your problems. Talking is therapy in of itself. I guess you just don’t get that and have ulcers from keeping it all to yourself.

I love my wife!

November 10th, 2010
10:22 am

Love will only get you so far. Friendship is definitely more important. I am lucky to be married to my best friend. I love you, Allison!

AmazonRed™

November 10th, 2010
10:23 am

I’m liking the newbie’s posts this morning. :)

Blackfoote

November 10th, 2010
10:25 am

Morning Everybody

Leggs:

You know how to put it out there that’s what gets me a smart and informed woman.

Really?

November 10th, 2010
10:25 am

I love my wife! – You make dedications on the radio too, don’t you?

Love will only get you so far. Friendship definitely will only get you so far.

I love Allison, too.

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
10:27 am

@Kym, his ex-wife told her children their dad and I would get married, have children and replace them. He stated it would seem to them their mom was speaking the truth.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
10:27 am

Realistic — To each his own, I guess. As for me & Mrs. Swiss, if we have issues with each other, we go directly to the source, not elsewhere — and I’m glad of it.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
10:28 am

I’ll say this, love is easy – but that “like” is a muggafugga.

Friend or no, you gots to like the person you’re with or it ain’t goin nowhere

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
10:29 am

I’ll sum up my opinion this way and be done with it because I don’t think it can be argued – a marriage transcends a friendship, any friendship. Marriage is a whole new level of relationship, one beyond friendship. It’s that simple. If I want a best friend, I remain a friend and not get married.

Realistic

November 10th, 2010
10:32 am

i’m swiss – out of pure curiosity – do you never vent or just talk to your friends about issues you may be having?

Alabama Southern Belle

November 10th, 2010
10:33 am

@kimmie, he is divorced. He had been divorced four years when I conceived.

OK

November 10th, 2010
10:35 am

should you marry your best friend…depends on how the situation started out. Were you just friends first, then decided to take it to the next level of being in a relationship then to marriage. If so, if it worked out than thats great.
But if I’m dating with my intentions for marriage, I”m looking for someone to be in an exclusive relationship, devolp our friendship in a relationship, that hopefully will lead to marriage.
Ultimately your spouse should be your best friend, but its a process, its over time that it happens, its called WORK in the relationship.
the end

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
10:36 am

Also, Realistic, there are ways of “venting” when you are frustrated with your spouse or S/O, that don’t involve bytching about your S/O to your friends. For me it’s sometimes a vigorous work out or a particularly intense game of tennis. In any case, I personally never have any inclination to make Mrs. Swiss look bad by “venting” about some issue I have with her to my friends. And happily for me, she feels the same way.

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
10:37 am

Good morning!

I think marrying your best friend would be the ideal,if fate can bless you that way!
I had a friend once that I was really cool with. We started off trying to date,but she was tentative. We vibes tho,went out together,talked,I visited get house when her mom was there and it became more of a very good friendship.

I still had feelings but our vibe was so unique that I never pressed the issue. And we talked about everything.
Eventually,she gave up the panties(this lion is a persistent hunter) :lol:

The sex was not impressive. Intact, it was awful.
Even tho we are so far away from each other now and both married, we still good friends and Facebook and whatnot.

Had we climbed that sexual plateau in a fireball of mutual bliss,that relationship would have been bombdiiggity!

good day folks!

blue®

November 10th, 2010
10:39 am

@swiss – i agree that you and spouse should be handling your issues, but i do think a close friend of family member to vent to and give perspective can be useful. the key imo, is making sure you dont ignore discussion with the spouse, and that your vent/advice line is a good pick. someone who can be trusted not to spread your business, not to walk to your spouse and do the whole he said she said bit, and who can be trusted to be honest with you and impartial, not just automatically taking your side cause your their friend or fam, but will be able to see theother side as well….gotta be careful who you pick…

Zulu!

November 10th, 2010
10:39 am

Her mum was there…tsp tsk

We vibed…

Infact

OK

November 10th, 2010
10:45 am

Marriage is the highest level of committment..within that you should be working on the friendship.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
10:46 am

blue — Like I said, to each his own. Personally, I think family is the worst place to go. I want Mrs. Swiss to be completely comfortable around my family. So I’m not going to be airing our dirty laundry in front of them, as it would inevitably skew my family’s perception of her. Then again, maybe I’m just a secretive SOB. :lol: In any case, I’m glad to have found someone who shares my love of privacy…

Okey Doke

November 10th, 2010
10:52 am

You work on friendship with your FRIENDS. You work on a MARRIAGE with your significant other.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
10:54 am

Strolling in alll late and shyt…….

Mornign Peeps!!!!

On topic…..I love my best friend and will until the day I die!!! that being said, While she always gets the best of me, I won’t ever marry her, and she will never marry me. The Dynamic of our friendship is such that other than sex, there is nothing for us to gain by being anything else. Now one day I will find a wife, and she will own my heart completely, but my BFF will still always be just that……

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
10:56 am

Swiss – I agree, I would never go to any family member, even though I love them.

I agree about wishing to maintain privacy in the marriage. I don’t agree with airing your marriage “dirt” to anyone unless it’s thru formal counseling. For smaller stuff, I don’t see anything wrong with having a trusted girlfriend to lend an ear from time to time, to bounce things off of. Hopefully that friend is in a solid relationship as well.

I think about the dynamics of my female friendships. Of the 4 of them, 3 are married and one is divorced and dating. One of the marrieds is on her 2nd marriage. When she got divorced, it actually was a bit of a surprise. She had hinted at a problem here or there, but I never knew it was to that extent. She wanted to maintain her privacy and I respected that. That’s how we’ve been since college though. None of us gave play-by-play about our relationships, but we could always count on each other to remain discreet. It’s boded well for our friendship and our relatioships over the years.

Okey Doke

November 10th, 2010
10:56 am

To i’m swiss…I think this is where the best friend part comes into play. Your best friend is who you can talk to about the Mr./Mrs. and feel secure in keeping your private life private, otherwise, you’re just internalizing everything no matter how much tennis you play. But like you said, to each his own. If it works for you, it works for you.

Simple Man!!!!!

November 10th, 2010
10:58 am

Strolling in fashionably late……..

Mornign peeps!!!!

On topic….My best friend is means the world to me, and there is nothing i would not give her including my last breathe if she needed it, but she won’t ever be my wife…One day I will find a women to be my spouse, and she will be everything to me………………….

Except my best friend…..

Leggs ™

November 10th, 2010
11:00 am

Hey Danny Boy ~ how ya doing?

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
11:03 am

Okey Doke — Yeah, whatever works for you.

I don’t buy this notion, however, that one must talk about their problems with others. Not everybody needs advice from uninvolved parties. And not everyone needs to listen to themselves talk in order to release tension. Different strokes for different folks…

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 10th, 2010
11:10 am

kimmie — That’s exactly how I am. I never said one word about all the sh!t that was going on with my ex to anyone until I had made the decision to end it — precisely because I knew if I did tell anyone what was going on & we somehow managed to work things out, everyone who knew the details would never view her the same again.

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:11 am

Off-Topic..

Dear Bernie Marcus,

Sir, I love Atlanta just as much as you, I grew up here and I think my hometown is absolute wonderful, but London it is not. This is not Paris or Vienna either. Putting a giant ferris wheel, similar to the London Eye is a complete waste of money. Now I know billionares can be a bit quirky and like to throw money and ideas around..and the aquarium was nice. But err.. there is not a damn thang worth seeing in Atlanta that it would require a bird’s eye view of the place. I mean your big fish tank is nice but Buckingham Place it ain’t. Please Please Please..did I say that enough..Please don’t..continue with this looney idea. Thank you for your time.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 10th, 2010
11:12 am

“But I’m confused as to how you would meet up with a person with the intentions to date them on a romantic level but just keep it as friends and THEN take it to the romantic level??? I’m confused, 2Can.”

^^^^ this tells me you’re thinking in terms of the physical, and not the emotional aspect of it all….’cause if you meet a person, you don’t even know if y’all are compatible or not; So although he may be appealing to the eyes, what else is there? You have to explore whether or not you and dude can sustain a romance – and that comes during the exploratory/developmental stages…and hopefully during that time, a friendship develops….if it doesn’t, how can you even consider a romantic endeavor? Does that help any?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:24 am

and hopefully during that time, a friendship develops…

2Can – That part right there is where I was getting at. Your post makes perfect sense. The friendship develops during the relationship.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:27 am

Kym – Maybe this is his idea to create jobs!LOL!! Because he said the current administration didn’t know how and that “certain things were just Business 101″, in a nasty tone!

He’s getting senile and doesn’t know what to do with himself and all his billions!

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:31 am

@Kym 11:11AM Here! Here! With the food banks, local community centers and small businesses struggling to feed and keep people employed, it makes perfect sense to build a huge symbolic middle finger, er um, ferris wheel. One more trinket with his name on it for his legacy vault. :roll:

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:32 am

@kimmie was he talking about the President or Perdue..cause I understand the need to create jobs..but this is just looney…a giant ferris in midtown.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:33 am

:lol: Kimmie. Dang. I was typing and stopped to do something, but clearly we were thinking along the same lines. Jobs darn it.

Although the life of the carnie is nothing to sneeze at. 8O

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
11:35 am

Morning
Most chicks won’t date their male friends because there’s something about him that disqualified him from being more. Being a chick’s friend is like the runner-up consolation prize. You’re a great guy but she’s just not attracted to you, so you can be her friend.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:35 am

“…He’s getting senile and doesn’t know what to do with himself and all his billions!”

Note to self: visit ancestry.com. Thinking there’s a Marcus hanging in the trees somewhere.

Delight23

November 10th, 2010
11:37 am

Aw shucks Dreams. Depends. I have more male friends than female so my problem’s been I know to many man-slores. At least that’s what I call them. They all beg to differ, but whateva. :D

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:38 am

@Delight23 Amen!!! I mean there are foodbanks struggling to stay open..and the new poor looks like the old middle class I mean surely..he could find something else productive to do with that money.

Dan - simply...Superior

November 10th, 2010
11:40 am

@Dreams – good call

@Leggs – I’m doing just fine, Superior in fact

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
11:41 am

my problem’s been I know to many man-slores.
Delight More to my point. That quality about them, I’m sure, disqualifies them from being seriously considered for an exclusive relationship with you. If they didn’t have the quality, would you take a closer look at them?

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:42 am

Kym – The President. And this was awhile back, before the ferris wheel idea. 11 alive and some other media outlet interviewed him, just getting another clueless business leader to bash the President because they are mad that they can’t run over Main Street like they could with Republicans.

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:42 am

Although the life of the carnie is nothing to sneeze at.<<LMAO

DreamsMaterialize

November 10th, 2010
11:45 am

just getting another clueless business leader to bash the President
kimmie yeah but the TOP business leader, Warren Buffet is solidly in the presidents corner, so who really cares what these others have to say? They’re just second (third) rate Warren Buffets. lol

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
11:50 am

Kym

November 10th, 2010
11:50 am

You don’t hear about Warren Buffet building ferris wheels..I mean what the??? It’s like the world has gone complete bonkers.

SexyCool

November 10th, 2010
11:51 am

Until I met a man who I could be best friends with, I did not support this idea. Now that I have, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am whatever you say I am

November 10th, 2010
11:52 am

Kym: I concur with your 11:11
I say spend the money on a man made beach :lol:

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:52 am

Dreams – It’s a shame because, from the outside looking in, these guys seem like the perfect catch.

Everything happens for a reason. I had this wonderful platonic male friend in college. After graduation he admitted he had feelings for me but I was dating a friend of his at the time. A few years later he met a nice lady and married her. I cried all thru the wedding because it was then I realized I had feelings for him too and never let him know. My heart was broken for awhile.

Like I said though, everything happens for a reason. It was not meant to be and I’m happy with my SO now.

kimmie

November 10th, 2010
11:54 am

Dreams – You read my mind once again, cause THE MAN Buffet is down with the Prez. I have always respected him!!