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You’ve met your match

If you are single, it’s just a matter of time before you “meet your match” in terms of someone who challenges you. The little games you try to play won’t work on this person. They not only you call you out on your BS, they don’t leave you wiggle room to be all vague.

Not everyone is ready to meet this person. Often times you say they are “too difficult” or they are too serious, when it’s really that they are just what you need to sit up and pay attention. Sometimes our dating games backfire and we are left to make a choice: take a chance on the person who wants you to bring your “A” game or go the easy route. (pun intended, sort of).

When you meet someone who challenges you in a good way, how do you react? If you haven’t dated this person, do you think you may have met them and wrote them off too quickly?

When it comes to people who challenge us, when is it “challenging you” and when is it “changing you to fit their wants” though? Is there a difference?

I’m on a business trip until tomorrow so I will be reading along and jumping in when I can.

Have a wonderful Monday!

601 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

November 8th, 2010
8:07 am

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 8th, 2010
8:10 am

g’morning….

um, yeah, I’ve met this person, and we dated briefly…she didn’t “change” me, but the “challenge” changes you; in the sense that it makes you step your game up. It was a good challenge though, cause she was just as, if not, smarter than me, so I was able to learn alot from her…and her sex drive was on par with mine….good girl…..

lemme gon’ get it outta the way….shout out to y’all dirty birds…y’all did ya thing.

YesSheIsCute

November 8th, 2010
8:21 am

Good morning everyone :D I hope everyone is having a great monday and well rested due to the “fall back”.

I don’t know if I’ve met my match. I mean I have definitely met my match friendwise as in a girl just like me. But I have not yet met my romantic match I don’t think. I never entertained the thought of meeting my match just someone who has a personality in which our idiosyncracies complement each other. If I met my “match” in the true sense of the word…wow I don’t know what I would do.

My friend has met her match definitely and she just keeps making all these excuses. She dates these guys that she can play games with and manipulate and I’m like now you met the guy you are always talking about being with and you are trying to defeat yourself already…..

I’m looking forward to the other reponses and experiences regarding this

Simple Man!!!!

November 8th, 2010
8:33 am

Morning all!!!Hope everyone had a GREAT weekend!!

On topic…I thought I met my match once, but was terribly disappointed when she told me (after dancing around for a month) that she had decided to go back tothe husband I never knew she had…..

YesSheIsCute

November 8th, 2010
8:35 am

@ Simple Man good morning. I’m sorry about that. :(

I am whatever you say I am

November 8th, 2010
8:36 am

“….They not only you call you out on your BS, they don’t leave you wiggle room to be all vague………”

I am so ready to meet that person that can see right thru me.
Winter is coming and nights are getting cold!

Simple Man!!!!

November 8th, 2010
8:38 am

Cuteness….Thanks but its all good…That was about 4 years ago!!! Still searching…..Who knows….She might be right her on this blog… :) :D :)

Kym

November 8th, 2010
8:39 am

Good Morning All,

You think you can have two matches? I have met my matches..they came they saw..the read me..they wormed their way into my heart and personally I think I compare each and every new guy to them. I know that is not fair, but it is what it is. Both gentlemen knew me when so they knew each what to say, or not to say, what button to push, or not push.

Frosty

November 8th, 2010
8:48 am

I am currently seeing a man that challenges me daily and I fought back for almost 6 months until I lost him. It was only until then I realized what I had and now he’s back and he continues to challenge me and I have finally realized he isn’t trying to change me but as he puts it ” help me” because he wants to and he sees the “potential” in me. I always thought it was the woman that helped the man, or brings out the best in a man, but I guess it’s possible for the man to sometimes bring the best out of the woman??

SlimNumeroUno

November 8th, 2010
8:51 am

Morning all,

Met match…hmmm possibly dealing with him now.

I am whatever you say I am

November 8th, 2010
8:52 am

@ Frosty: I’ve dated guys that pushed me to reach my potential.
For me, it really showed me how much they cared about wanting me to succeed.
A guy I knew once told me that it was a turn-off for him to be with a woman that didn’t maximize her potential.

I am whatever you say I am

November 8th, 2010
8:54 am

random: I was absent that day they were handing out free drinks from the fountain of youth. I have TOO many gray hairs at my age. :evil:

blue®

November 8th, 2010
8:56 am

Morning All,

meeting your match…yes, ive met my match, and just like was said, they not only you call you out on your BS, they don’t leave you wiggle room to be all vague. i personally enjoyed the challenge, cause id been used to meeting guys who were, well to be blunt, dumb. it was nice to meet someone who could keep up with me on all levels, and even surpass me at times. i need mental stimulation, and that relationship was the ultimate in that. unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control, relationship came to an end. years later now, best of friends, and he still calls me on my BS…..

@Simple Man – hey “platonic” friend ;)

Simple Man!!!!

November 8th, 2010
8:59 am

Morning Blue….How was your weekend darling???

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 8th, 2010
9:00 am

” I always thought it was the woman that helped the man, or brings out the best in a man, but I guess it’s possible for the man to sometimes bring the best out of the woman??”

yes, it works both ways….

I am whatever you say I am

November 8th, 2010
9:09 am

I have the worst f*** head-ache
:-(

Dawgman

November 8th, 2010
9:11 am

I’ve dated for years and it always seems that you give a 100% and the your counterpart (girlfriend) seems only to participate at a minimum of maybe 40% and still gets PO that you aren’t meeting every need of hers. This day and time I feel like I want a WOMAN to meet me half way and give and take the same so, that a grounded relationship can build from it and make both parties happy…It seems still that I’m old fashion I believe that you should give and take accordingly but to be one sided is not the way to go. Women are just like men in that we both want to be equal but sometimes the relationship is one sided… Can’t seem to find that RIGHT PERSON out there.. Any HELP!!!

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:13 am

Morning all. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I think i’ve finally recovered from Vegas. LOL

Hmm…met my match. Well, I can say this…I come across all big and bad, but when I really like a guy I fold like a cheap lawn chair. So sad. :lol:

There are a lot of guys who try to “tame” me…it’s especially been happening lately where they want to change me….like they don’t drink, so they don’t want me to drink. Doesn’t matter that I do everything in moderation. Or the guy who wanted a Christian girl (which I am) but wanted me to worship the way HE worshipped (WTF?)

Anyway, making demands on me is the quickest way to be shown the door.

So I guess I haven’t met my match where there is a good balance between the two. One that wants to make me be my best self, without highlighting what they think I should change.

HBGDawg

November 8th, 2010
9:15 am

Why do women play games in the first place? Why can’t it be as simple as two people who want to be with each other. Never understood that.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 8th, 2010
9:17 am

“I come across all big and bad, but when I really like a guy I fold like a cheap lawn chair.”

Just outta curiosity….why? defense mechanism?

Simple Man!!!!

November 8th, 2010
9:17 am

Morning Ared….How are ya???

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:18 am

Just outta curiosity….why? defense mechanism?

What defense mechanism?

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:18 am

Good morning Simple Man!

YesSheIsCute

November 8th, 2010
9:19 am

@ blue after reading what you said maybe I have met my match. But he’s just a friend never dated him.

Purple Rain

November 8th, 2010
9:20 am

There is a difference in challenging a person to be better than just showing them their shortcomings based on your own ideals.

Simple Man!!!!

November 8th, 2010
9:20 am

how was your weekend???

SlimNumeroUno

November 8th, 2010
9:22 am

HBGDawg – how about Why do MEN play games in the first place? Why can’t it be as simple as two people who want to be with each other? Hmmm, welcome to our world

(Slim is still feeling some kind of way after seeing For Coloured Girls) :?:

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:22 am

There is a difference in challenging a person to be better than just showing them their shortcomings based on your own ideals.

:idea:

blue®

November 8th, 2010
9:22 am

@Simple Man – spent my weekend pretty much lounging, and other things ;) . tho not long enough, looking forward to this weekend, got a 4 day woohoo!!

YesSheIsCute

November 8th, 2010
9:23 am

@ HBGDawg women aren’t the only ones who play games. But yes, I don’t understand why it can’t be simple. I like you you like me that’s it and just let the days fold out naturally.

SlimNumeroUno

November 8th, 2010
9:23 am

‘There is a difference in challenging a person to be better than just showing them their shortcomings based on your own ideals’

Ah ha….now that’s a great statement right there Purp.

Delight23

November 8th, 2010
9:25 am

Bom dia peoples!! Definately met my match and lost him to an overseas job. He was my hang out partner leaving the club at 5AM, going to watch him ball with his boys. He cooked and was VERY romantic (cards, surprise lunches and weekend get aways) and not ashamed of it. We worked out together and he would push me. I was fine as heck with that man.

He could kiss away my bad days. When we fought he would just hold me or kiss me until I calmed down and talked to him instead of shouting. :D

If he was available I would put a ring on it.

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:25 am

Simple Man – It was very chill. I needed a weekend to recover from the constant socializing and partying I’ve done every weekend. I basically did chores and caught up on some DVR. It’s only 80% full now. :lol:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

November 8th, 2010
9:25 am

A Red….I was asking, was that a defense mechanism…..coming across all big and bad…

YesSheIsCute

November 8th, 2010
9:26 am

@ Purple Rain I agree with that statement. Do you think that many people are actually not challenging you but pointing out your shortcomings? If the motivation for pointing out your shortcomings is for you to do better b/c they know you can isn’t that challenging? Just curious.

Delight23

November 8th, 2010
9:27 am

Why do women play games in the first place? Why can’t it be as simple as two people who want to be with each other. Never understood that.

Make that “Why do PEOPLE…” and I’m there with you HBGDawg.

Delight23

November 8th, 2010
9:28 am

Slim is still feeling some kind of way after seeing For Coloured Girls)

How was it Slim?

OK

November 8th, 2010
9:28 am

Unresolved issues/emotions+ intentions= men/women playing games

MSDS

November 8th, 2010
9:29 am

@ HBGDawg & YesSheIsCute….AMEN! It really shoudl be that simple; I like you, you like me…let’s do this. I really miss the “do you like me, check yes or no” days of my youth.
On topic…I’ve met my match, got EXACTLY what I prayed for…and I’ve never been so bored in my life. :-(

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:30 am

2Can – No it isn’t a defense mechanism. “Comes across” means other people view me that way ones who don’t really know me…I don’t take any disrespect, but it doesn’t mean I’m as tough as I am viewed. And because I’m a romantic, in dating, it’s very easy to see I’m not so tough…that is, once you really get past the surface.

The Cynical White Boy

November 8th, 2010
9:31 am

Ulm…it’s not you, it’s me. You’re a sweet girl, I’m sure Mr. Right is out there for you. You’re quite a catch.

blue®

November 8th, 2010
9:31 am

@Yes – that may be him, sitting in disguise of a friend, thats how me and my match started, just friends, was actually dating a friend of his and thats how we met in the first place.

kclubmember

November 8th, 2010
9:36 am

The greatest time in a relationship is the dating period.You see the very best behavior in a potential mate,and then the relationship continues to spiral downward.The sex becomes a bargaining chip,the characteristics that attracted you to that person suddenly disappear.

abc

November 8th, 2010
9:37 am

If you’re full of BS, ‘all vague’, and subscribe to ‘dating games’, who exactly do you think you’re going to attract that you’d really want to have?

Mo (aka Moeisha)

November 8th, 2010
9:38 am

Morning All!

2CPTG – now you know I was gonna hit you up yesterday, but I decided against it. Thanks for the props though, hugs-n-kisses Boo! :smile:

My college sweetheart was a challenge for me, in a good way. After some persistence on his part, I actually dated him for 2years.

AmazonRed™ - Chillaxed

November 8th, 2010
9:40 am

abc – Is that really you, pa? :lol: Where you been?

SlimNumeroUno

November 8th, 2010
9:41 am

Delight – I enjoyed it…was a very emotional type movie but it touched on many issues we deal with all the time. Have to admit it had me thinking on so many different levels with regards to Slim ;-)

‘I’ve met my match, got EXACTLY what I prayed for…and I’ve never been so bored in my life’

MSDS – Ok, I’m sure that wasn’t meant to be funny but i couldn’t help but to laugh when I got to the latter part of your comment. Took me off guard i suppose since I assumed I’d read that you’ve never been so HAPPY in your life. :lol:

Mr. Cynical – I’ve heard those statements before…sounds like BS to me though…a way to avoid the truth of why a person chooses to move on from a situation.

Sassy Me

November 8th, 2010
9:41 am

When you meet someone who challenges you in a good way, how do you react? When I realize that the challenges are for my higher good and that there is a lesson to learn I readily face the challenge….albeit at first my natural instinct is to be stubborn but I’ve also learned sometimes I have to get out my own way.

If you haven’t dated this person, do you think you may have met them and wrote them off too quickly?No and no…I’m just not in a relationship head space right now…I kinda feel like I’m in anti-relationship mode.

Purple Rain

November 8th, 2010
9:41 am

YesSheIsCute, I think an adult needs to be comfortable with themselves first and foremost. I also think that people need to not try and change another’s core, without that person wanting to change themselves.. Now what you two decide to tackle together can be a challenge and accomplishment together. If you are to be enlightened into change it should be from noticing your mates actions rather than them pointing it out to you.

Delight23

November 8th, 2010
9:42 am

The greatest time in a relationship is the dating period.You see the very best behavior in a potential mate,and then the relationship continues to spiral downward.The sex becomes a bargaining chip,the characteristics that attracted you to that person suddenly disappear.

:-( There’s that “representative” BS. Just sad.