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Archive for October, 2010

What do you call them?

A male reader is in the doghouse because of the way he introduced his woman to a co-worker. He didn’t specifically say that she was his girlfriend and it has caused her to question his motives.

I’m not one to get hung up on titles personally because I’m more concerned about behavior and actions. Does it matter that a man calls me his woman? Not really. I’ll admit that the guy could probably make me swoon inside and feel like a school-girl. I don’t know if it would matter much beyond that.

If you are dating and haven’t reached the exclusive stage, does it matter that you don’t have the label yet?

Would you introduce your date as your partner, significant other if you two haven’t had “The Talk” yet?

Continue reading What do you call them? »

Should we let jealousy slide?

If you have ever been in a relationship with someone who has a jealous side, you probably know it takes a lot of patience. When you know that you are dating someone who isn’t a “people person” like you are, should you let their jealous behavior slide?

I never considered myself a jealous person and it would take a lot to make me notice if my man is being disrespectful.  If I am with someone, I expect a certain level of respect because I give it.

I have been involved with someone whose jealousy was a real problem.  It bothered me a lot because I knew I was never disrespecting our relationship.  I had to realize that it was his trust issues, not my behavior that was the root of the problem.

Is jealousy ever  a good thing in a relationship?

Continue reading Should we let jealousy slide? »

Are you against home dates?

When I first started seeing my guy of interest we had a little disagreement about spending time at his house or my place.  I consider myself a dating vet (ok, actually I’m old and have dated a lot), and I pretty much know how the whole home dates end up.

I don’t like it when men are so quick to find out where I live.  Yes, it is paranoia, and no I don’t think it’s unwarranted.   It would be different if I have known a guy for year or he was a referral from a trusted friend.  I am really cautious about who I let into my life…literally.

Why are men so quick to suggest dates that would take place at their house?  I get that it can be more affordable but living in our great city there are tons of things to do that cost little to no money, or heck even no car.

Are you against home dates when you first meet someone?

Does it bother you when someone you are dating are not inviting you to their place?

How soon do you start the at-home dates? I don’t know many women who are the …

Continue reading Are you against home dates? »

Challenge me, don’t change me!

There comes a time in a relationship when you realize how much the two of you differ.  For a lot of people, this creates an impasse.  For others, they find a way to adapt and see it as a challenge to grow with their mate.

This is something that I think women kind of struggle with because we view relationships differently then men.  I learned the hard way that you can never change a man.  This is not a reflection on male stubborness, it’s more about a woman understanding that she should not want to change a man at all.

Why would you fall for someone and then try to change them? That makes no sense!

Men are fascinated by women who do not try to change who they are.  I think  that accepting each other the way that we are is one of the by-products of being in real love. Not infatuation, lust, or deep like.

I think men and women should figure out the difference between challenging their mate and changing.  There is a difference, don’t you think?

Have you ever met someone who …

Continue reading Challenge me, don’t change me! »

Top 3 reasons men don’t call back

In a completely unscientific poll taken among male friends and family, I narrowed down the top reasons men don’t bother calling back.  While I heard an earful of some pretty frightening behavior men have put up with, I was a little surprised to see the most common complaints.

Negativity.  A positive attitude goes a long way, especially on a first date.  If a woman shows early on she has the propensity to complain about every single thing she doesn’t like, she pretty much seals her fate. Her “stock drops” significantly.

Profanity. Although some men like edge, they aren’t really into women who cuss a lot.  This one is pretty self-explanatory. So stop it with the F-bombs, ladies.

Gossip.  First of all, what woman gossips on a date? Anyway, men who think their date is a major gossiper get turned off. They want to know that she invests her time in doing more meaningful things, like watch football.

So, ladies does this surprise you? Would you agree that these things could be …

Continue reading Top 3 reasons men don’t call back »

Getting too comfortable

If you are in a new relationship you probably start to feel comfortable right around the 6-month mark.  You relax your look and feel less inclined to impress your mate.  I know a lot of times people gain weight because they are happy.  When some folks get happy, they eat more and thus begins the process of “letting yourself go”.

Arguably, this relationship phenomenon is a sign of growing closer to each other because you are dropping all the pretense and showing all sides of yourself.  When things get too out of hand, though, there can be problems.

What do you do when the person you are involved with has become too comfortable? Is there such a thing in a relationship?

When you are dating someone who has let themselves go or put less energy into their appearance, how do you let them know it’s a problem? Should you let it go so that they won’t get their feelings hurt or a bruised ego?

Would you want to be told that you are letting things slip too much?

Continue reading Getting too comfortable »

When do our priorities coincide?

When I see a happy couple get engaged and married I sort of marvel at the things that had to happen to get to that point.  I know some  people (the  “smug and married) like to think that it is oh so easy to meet someone, fall in love (more importantly, like), and start building a life together..I’m not sure I agree.

I just believe that the timing has to be key.  It doesn’t matter if I meet 46 great looking men with the same background as mine.  If neither of us share the same priorities in close or similar order, then things probably won’t progress very far.

You can pretty much tell who is looking for a good time and who is looking for a good time with the potential for something meaningful.  A lot of times women are looking for the potential husband when the guy is looking for the potentially naked woman in his bed the next morning.  Or vice versa.  I’ve seen plenty of single women perfectly content with having their flavor for the month with no ideas of marriage or a …

Continue reading When do our priorities coincide? »

Falling for the forbidden

It’s such a huge inconvenience when your heart and your head are not on the same page.  I wish there were some way to control this so that that we didn’t have to end up falling for the people we know we shouldn’t be falling for.

Why do you think the people who are not good for us end up having the strongest hold over us? Are we a glutton for punishment? Do you think it’s human nature to want what we can’t/shouldn’t have?

Have you ever realized that the person you were getting caught up in was the wrong person to fall for?  Perhaps it was bad timing or something about them that told you to stay away.  How did you handle it?

When do you take the risk and when do you decide they are forbidden for a reason and walk away?

Continue reading Falling for the forbidden »

Confidence is sexy. Arrogance? Not so much

Most of you can probably relate to this situation. You spot someone extremely attractive and then you spark up a conversation with them.  Within a few minutes, you immediately realize that this person thinks highly of themselves.  Yes, the arrogance of the person is so overwhelming you are stunned they even notice you standing there.

Everyone knows that having a good self-esteem is absolutely mandatory for dating with no drama.   It’s also important to have a health dose of humility! No one wants to sit through a complete self-love fest between someone and their over inflated ego.

I’m certainly guilty of taking confidence too far, but what do you do when you meet someone who is a little too arrogant?  If that is the only thing that is really causing you apprehension, can it be a deal breaker?

Have you ever dated someone with too much confidence or do you think there is such a thing?

The other day I read somewhere that women aren’t attracted to men who doubt themselves. Do …

Continue reading Confidence is sexy. Arrogance? Not so much »

Dating money chasers

A lot of single people believe that they have to accomplish a few things before they settle down and commit to one person.  It seems that career aspirations, acquiring wealth and material possessions become priorities.  Finding a mate and building together seems to become optional.

I think that ambitious and driven people are really sexy.  I just wonder when it becomes too much?  What happens when you realize that you are dating the money chasers.  These are people who are totally focused on getting money, power, and status.  Is that a turn off?

We all have different ideas about  success.  Finding someone who has a similar outlook as you can be a little challenging. When someone defines money as their only motivator, do you think you would have a problem with it?

Have you ever dated someone who was focused on making money?

Continue reading Dating money chasers »