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Learn your lesson, then run away

Kanye West has a pretty interesting music video for his song Runaway. If you haven’t seen it yet, you may want to listen to the song first and then watch it. I believe there is a lot of symbolism in it but the song relates to a lot of what single people go through in dating.

One part of the song: “I always find something wrong” kind of hits home because this is classic commitment phobic thinking. You know how things can go really great and you get spooked by it and start to search for random things to justify you running away? That won’t stop happening until you catch yourself doing it. Hindsight is 20/20 but if you can find out that you are ruining a potentially great romance, you probably won’t regret taking a chance.

Of course, the song also refers to those jerks and scumbags that we should run away from (or stop acting like!) and this made me think about all my exes. Some of my worst relationships taught me the most. That’s kind of invaluable when you think about it!

What did you learn from your worst dating experience?

Do you have a problem of “always finding something wrong” in the people that you date? Do you recognize it before or after?

397 comments Add your comment

Leggs ™

October 28th, 2010
9:05 am

Good morning…it’s been a long time,

BUT I IS FIRST…..

Leggs ™

October 28th, 2010
9:10 am

My last date I did pick something apart. I didn’t like the bottom row of his teeth, and I didn’t like the way his eyes dropped. He looked drunk, but he wasn’t. After constantly talking on the phone after this concert date, he left me a voicemail saying “I really like you and would like to be a part of your life, but I have some things I need to straighten out first.” No red flag for me. This was the “red eye” jet telling me to K.I.M….either a gf/soon to be exwife/parole violation or what have you. Neva mind cuz I ain’t hanging around to find out.

Besar mi trasero!

Simple man!!!!

October 28th, 2010
9:20 am

This is the story of my life!!!! If I had a dollar for everytime this has happened to me………

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 28th, 2010
9:23 am

g’morning…

‘fore I comment on the topic, Ms. Leggs…….ummmm, I was browsing Sexy’s FB page (always check out her pics when I wanna see some eye candy), and saw your pic..I saw one before, but not up close….Ms. Lady, you are soooo pretty to me!!! Really, you are…absolutely beautiful smile…nice lil petite frame…damn….do yo thang, Ma!!!

anyway, “What did you learn from your worst dating experience?” —-damn near every Aries woman I’ve met is crazy! serious….some’n bout an Aries female….they ain’t got ‘em all…

Blackfoote

October 28th, 2010
9:26 am

Leggs:
Hi Darlin, why are you waking me up?……LOL

Well I have been thru situations where I left when things were well it seemed like I had to find something anything to get out there because of my insecurity I hated that part of myself but I’ve been divorced 18 years and I was comfortable with that. Shame I feel but single I love but I’m still growing and learning as I go.

blue®

October 28th, 2010
9:29 am

Morning all,
getting close to Hallowee….Freds really trippin’ out….

what did i learn from my worst dating experience? lets see, trust your gut, and its better to be alone than miserable…

PrincessNik

October 28th, 2010
9:31 am

trust your gut, and its better to be alone than miserable…

same here

G’mawnin ya’ll

Leggs ™

October 28th, 2010
9:38 am

@2C ~ WOW! Thank you. That was very kind of you. What a nice compliment so early in the morning. I appreciate it. {{MUAH}}

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
9:40 am

I have a plethora of learning experience I have racked up while dating.
The hardest lesson of all is learning how to be patient and content when you are not dating anyone.
I am hopeful that I will meet someone but for now, it sucks (I can’t even front)

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 28th, 2010
9:41 am

“its better to be alone than miserable…”

or, ’tis better to be alone, than wish you were”

and I never go into something looking for negatives…why would you? “something” had to pique your interest initially, so why not try to focus on that “something” as opposed to looking for an escape route….unless you don’ smashed already, and the luster has worn off….

Trevor0529

October 28th, 2010
9:42 am

getting close to Hallowee….Freds really trippin’ out….

Are you sure he did not find the secret stash of candy you supposedly hid?

Fred is going to need psychotherapy in a bad way. Sigh!!

Good Morning everyone

its better to be alone than miserable

So very true.

Willie Dynamite

October 28th, 2010
9:44 am

Morning All,

For the longest time I purposely sabotaged my ships before they got to hot n heavy. I really didnt want the commitment. I’m sure that was A1 Jerk behavior and will admittedly wear that badge. I’ve since improved and now just downright domesticated.

2Can – Leggs has an awesome personality to match all that. She is one of the coolest chicks I’ve ever met.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 28th, 2010
9:45 am

you’re welcome….and deserving.

MissMoni

October 28th, 2010
9:45 am

Good Morning Blog Fam!

What did I learn from your worst dating experience?
I learned that everything happens for a reason & if a person wants to leave, then step aside and allow them to walk. Trying to hold to somebody that doesn’t want to be held is futile.

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
9:46 am

Who the eff is Fred!!!!?!??!

MissMoni

October 28th, 2010
9:46 am

*correction: What did I learn from “MY” worst dating experience?

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 28th, 2010
9:50 am

Willie “Cool Moe” D…..I can tell…..ya think she dates younger guys? man, I’m tellin ya, I’ve been scopin out them cougars lately, and they doin it!!!

Luvbug

October 28th, 2010
9:50 am

What did you learn from your worst dating experience?

…that I can stand to be a little more loving or at least pay a little more attention. I’m not the best at gauging how much affection/attention folks need. On too many occasions, guys have been surprised that I cared even a little.

…that some folks will go to the grave being ugly and have no shame about it…frightening, but hey…nothing I can do but (sincerely) wish ‘em the best and keep it moving.

Delight23

October 28th, 2010
9:50 am

早安 peoples!!!! Sadly I can attest to one relationship where I did this. I was afraid I wouldn’t stick it out and I didn’t…BUT I placed the blame on him.

YesSheIsCute

October 28th, 2010
9:51 am

Good morning everybody! Today is my Friday and I am soooooooo loooking forward to this weekend (getting out of town) :)

Anywho, What I learned from my dating mistakes (and I’ve made plenty I look back and realized I wasted the really juicy party of my youth on stupid stuff but that’s what happens when you are naive).

1. Don’t overcompensate or over extend yourself for a guy trying to be nice thinking he will appreciate it because he won’t. He will think you are desperate or otherwise stupid and will take advantage of you.
2. Don’t overanalyze his feelings if you want to break up. When guys are done they are done and the case is closed. They don’t spend their nights overanalyzing breaking up with you.
3. Don’t settle. It’s one thing to be a little lax on otherwise high standards. But don’t date a bum just because no one else is interested at that moment. It’s a waste of time and not worth the free dinner..l.
4. Don’t hide your feelings. For awhile I pride myself on not crying in front of guys but sometimes maybe they have to see the human side of you to realize that whatever it is really affecting you and they need to step it up.
5. Good dudes are few and far in between. Please really evaluate before you let him go and find yourself 35 with 3 cats 2 dogs and a parakeet.

Those are enough for today. Hope everyone enjoys! :cool:

Luvbug

October 28th, 2010
9:51 am

Blue- While we’re on Fred…who gave Fred a license? That fool almost ran me over yesterday…he treated me to a small coffee though.

…that was his car and Starbucks gift card right?

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
9:52 am

…..if anybody like Noche in Vinings or Virginia Highlands…they have a Groupon deal going on today : $20 for $40 worth of food/drinks

kimmie

October 28th, 2010
9:53 am

Good morning mates!!

I do not regret walking away from any of the relationships I ended. My only regret was not leaving sooner.

I’ve learned a lot from some bad dating experiences. That’s a nice, positive spin to put on them, but if I had a choice I would have rather not gone thru them. But that’s life, everything is not going to be a bed of roses. It’s cool to say they even made me what I am today, but honestly they have little to do with that. I give that credit to my parents, some teachers, family friends and other folks who have had a positive influence in my life.

I am – You said you’re looking for someone. So you decided not to give LDR dude a chance?

Chink

October 28th, 2010
9:54 am

I have been the Queen of Learn the lesson and Run away.

The number uno thing I learned from one of my dating experiences not letting someone attempt to make me insecure. Why was this valuable because it never happened before and here I was in a relationship and he tried to change everything about me and I am very stubborn so this was definitely a feat! Thank Goodness that’s over …Hallelujah!

blue®

October 28th, 2010
9:54 am

@2C – ’tis better to be alone, than wish you were” exactly, one of the worst feelings ever….
@Trevor – 8O , didnt want the trick or treaters tp’ing my house…maybe he did find the snickers….nawww… 8O
@I am – Fred (did i do that link thing right? hmmm…..)

Sweet Pea

October 28th, 2010
9:59 am

@YesSheIsCute I cosign!! I recently dated someone who admitted to always picking people apart which I found to be true along with his many insecurities. Some people are great with sabotaging relationships.

kimmie

October 28th, 2010
10:01 am

YES – I cosign everything on your list and the part about wasting part of you youth.

SlimNumeroUno

October 28th, 2010
10:04 am

blue®

October 28th, 2010
10:04 am

cant say i’ve ever been one for self-sabotage, tho i have been one to settle, and to overthink/overallow things to go downhill while im miserable and still “tough it out”…

@Luvbug – hmmmm, the Starbucks card was his, his sponsor thought some nice herbal tea would do him good..the car not so much….maybe thats why my “check engine light” is on now….(over my shoulder) Fred!! what did you do to my car?

Blackfoote

October 28th, 2010
10:06 am

blue:

Now I know who’s Fred, I see why he needed a specially desinged vest but you still haven’t explained away Dan yet……..LOL

LovelessinAtl

October 28th, 2010
10:08 am

Good Morning All,

Some of my lessons have been stated already. But I have two big ones: when I see the red flags I need to run. I need to stop giving men too many chances. Second, when a man says he doesn’t want a relationship but wants to leave the door cracked for him to come back in>>> walk behind him and close that door on him until he is ready.

blue®

October 28th, 2010
10:08 am

meetngreet last call for alkihol…sending invites tonight for those who have responded…any stragglers, kick it in gear!!! – end of transmission -

YesSheIsCute

October 28th, 2010
10:08 am

@ kimmie I like to think my youth isn’t completely wasted since I’m still in my 20’s. Just the juicy part.

CoolShadow

October 28th, 2010
10:09 am

What did you learn from your worst dating experience?

I learned what are some of my non-negotiatables are, what I don’t want in a relationship and it led me to re-examine my tolerance levels for drama. Sometimes you have to get burned to learn some things are hot to the touch…

Do you have a problem of “always finding something wrong” in the people that you date? Do you recognize it before or after?

You’ll always find something wrong with a person, it’s just a question of can you live with what you discover. You can recognize the flaws at any point in the relationship, sometimes much later if the person is making a conscious effort to hide them.

YesSheIsCute

October 28th, 2010
10:10 am

@ Sweet Pea my last lesson was that its better to be alone than with someone who is stressful.

Delight23

October 28th, 2010
10:11 am

What did you learn from your worst dating experience?

…know the difference between a work-a-holic and a go-getter and make sure you are one of the things he is sincerely going after.

Brains and ambition are aphrodisiacs for me. Unfortunately, not enough ambitious, hard-working people have the same knack for balancing the scales.

Money is great, but don’t get man at me when I end up cha-cha-ing with Antonio the gardner…just saying. :|

kimmie

October 28th, 2010
10:13 am

YES – Good. My 20’s were not completely wasted at all. I had fun and actually accomplished alot. But when I think back to some of those jokers I dealt with, any time I spent with them was a waste.

Sorry, just a bit cynical. But thankful for what I have now.

Leggs ™

October 28th, 2010
10:14 am

@WillieD ~ you too are kind. Thank you. I like people and try to be nice to all that I meet. And, you my friend is one cool dude. Every time you say the word “domesticated” I laugh at you!

@2C ~ I will date younger. I’m looking for younger cuz the men my age or over are stuck in Fuddy Duddyville! I know I said last year I was putting myself really into the dating realm, but I didn’t do it. I am now taking appliations! My file presently has a “hopeful” in it, but I’m still taking applications, would you like to dance w/me? BTW, it’s been a long time since I’ve blushed, but you did it this morning.

SlimNumeroUno

October 28th, 2010
10:15 am

blue (meetngreet) send to me pls…

blue®

October 28th, 2010
10:16 am

@Blackfoote – yeah that vest had to kinda be custom, he’s a hard fit….Dan? idk any Dan…dont know what you’re talking about 8)

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
10:17 am

random:…should I tint my window on the pimpstress mobile?
:shock:

Leggs ™

October 28th, 2010
10:17 am

@blue ~ that’s EXACTLY how I envisioned Fred. Too funny…you are one sick woman!

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
10:19 am

Kimmie: no, I don’t want to date LDR dude anymore.
Too much about him is about him versus a we.
For example: let’s say things progress well, it would be me that would have to sell my house and move, me that would have to find a job, me that would have to find inexpensive daycare, etc…..
I think I’ll stay local.

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
10:21 am

Thanks Blue (I think I get it but not really) :shock:

YesSheIsCute

October 28th, 2010
10:21 am

@ kimmie Wish I wouldn’t have wasted 2006 early 2007 on a joker either. If I could get a big eraser and erase some people from my life…. but it’s all good it made me into who I am today. I wish I could have been this person when I was graduating high school. I wish I would have even KNOWN a person like me back then maybe I would have been better informed about the battle of the sexes. I kinda felt like I was thrown out to the wolves when I went out on my own.

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
10:23 am

I am whatever you say I am

October 28th, 2010
10:24 am

Can someone explain the history of Fred and how this whole thing got started?

blue®

October 28th, 2010
10:26 am

@Slim – i gotcha, but i dont think i have an addy for you, can you post or email me blue73079@yahoo.com

Celisea

October 28th, 2010
10:27 am

What did I learn from my worst dating experience? Gosh where to start?
There’s a worst dating experience where I was to blame and there’s a worst dating experience where truly, he was to blame.

My self induced debacle:
Trust is a much needed component
Soften….in all the right places, spaces and times and trust he won’t take advantange of your vunerable state
Don’t look for trouble.
Accept imperfections
For the same of making it work, because it’s not all gravy sometimes: TIMING. Time and place to approach and talk through issues. All the time and every time ain’t a good time.
Worst “him” induced debacle:
Don’t listen to liars…it’s who they are and what they do
Don’t accept nothing less than what you deserve
Run from liars
A man that will lie, will lie…okay ya’ll get it
When it’s time to let go, let go…completely, all the way

kimmie

October 28th, 2010
10:29 am

I am – You know, it’s funny but all you said about the we versus me stuff with LDR dude – I was thinking when you first posted about him! I am glad you recognized that. I’m not saying one should not compromise if they meet a great person. I’ve had to make some myself with the relationship I am in. But when it’s SOOO one-sided, that’s a setup for resentment down the road!