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Can you make her feel safe?

There is a part of chivalry that sometimes gets lost in translation.  Opening doors and being a gentleman is one of the ways a woman gets her sense of  security from men.  I think it is also important to women to feel that they are being taken care of and protected.

During the dating phase, part of our time is determining how safe we feel with our guy. I don’t expect the men that I date to be the Kevin Costner to my Whitney Houston, because a bodyguard is not the dynamic I want. I would like to know that my well-being and safety is a concern, though.

It’s important not to just feel physically safe, women want to feel emotionally safe too. I know, “we ask for a lot” according to some men, but is it really hard?

How do men show that they can protect you when you are dating?

Is it important to men to feel safe too? If so, in what ways? How can women show their men that they can feel safe with them too?

467 comments Add your comment

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
8:19 am

g’morning….

“How do men show that they can protect you when you are dating?” — just tust me, lil mama, I got you! Let’s just pray I never have to prove it!

“Is it important to men to feel safe too?” —- I guess…..never worried about NOT feeling safe…

Kym

October 27th, 2010
8:41 am

Good Morning All,

How can you show me you can protect me when we are dating? ..Let’s get past the physical protection..and talk about emotional..how can you show me you will protect my heart(emotions)? Well, to mean this means building trust and to build trust takes time. I am not good at trusting people just on gp. I know that people can decieve you. I have pretty good radar for people so I kind of know when someone is feeding me bs..but I am always and I do mean always on guard. I believe give a person enough rope they will hang themselves. So if I sense bs, then I pull back and wait. Sometimes I am wrong and sometimes the bs is so thick you need rubber boots. Either way to build up to that level of trust, where I can just truly let go, yeah that takes time.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
8:47 am

Kym…..just trust me, lil mama, I got you!!!! mentally, physically, and emotionally….

Simple Man 3.0.....Learned to fight watching Dolamite!!!

October 27th, 2010
8:47 am

This is one of those things where women either feel say with you or they don’t…You can’t fake your auora!! They can see it in your eyes…In fact, this is the fist thing that every boy learns on his path to being a man…

czBrat

October 27th, 2010
8:47 am

HiYas!

i’m with Kym. luv that post. simply put, time will tell just how much at ease i can be in your care.

so tell me, 2, is that something guys just say (”don’t worry. i got you”) cuz it sounds impressive, or do you really, REALLY mean it? i know you don’t speak for all mankind, i’m just trying to get a sneak peek into the male psyche.

New Guy

October 27th, 2010
8:50 am

This should get interesting….all things considered and assuming we’re talking about women who are for the most part emotionally put together in a good way I believe it is important for a dude to make his lady feel secure in every sense of the word albeit emotionally,physically,etc. I will say this though…this is and has been a challenge for a lot of us men who are for the most part emotionally put together in a good way because women are emotion driven. It can be difficult for us men to know when you women need that reassurance if the woman can’t identify that need herself. I think one of the best ways for for couples to build any type of security in a relationship is to become better listeners. I have learned the hard way myself that when I listen to my S.O. and take heed to what was said it does wonders for our relationship and her security..Let me be clear…NOT EVERYTIME…but when it comes to matters of the heart I make a conscious effort to be emotionally attentive… Now I will say this….this type of behavior has been taken advantage of by her because she’s has been the type of woman that ALWAYS WANTS TO BE HEARD BUT SHE WON’T LISTEN HERSELF….needless to say because of the type of dude I am ( I have a strong backbone) this has caused some issues but we’re working on them…. LOL

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
8:52 am

Brat….for the right gal, a dude’ll swim the deepest seas, and climb the highest mountains! at least I will, anyway….

LeeH1

October 27th, 2010
8:52 am

Get real. Women have grown up since 1960, and they are responsible for their own safety. They don’t have to depend upon men. Such relics and old expectations undermine the advances in women’s liberation in the last fifty years.

Today, women are police officers, members of the military and private security forces. Any fainting Scarlett O’Haras who needs to lean on men for survival should have been killed off during the last generation.

Today, men have to worry instead about clinging women, women stalkers and women with grudges. Yes, I know that women are out looking for a sugar daddy or Mr. Goodbar to take care of them, so they can remain little girls. But men have to defend themselves against this, as women have to defend themselves against weird men.

The women who scare me the most are those women who enjoy making trouble between two men to see them rile up against each other over her. A form of “Let’s you and him fight” scenario, sometimes where the woman calls out insults to another man, in order to force her date to protect her. Yes, killer women scare me.

czBrat

October 27th, 2010
8:57 am

sweet, 2can :) thanx.

Simple Man 3.0.....Learned to fight watching Dolamite!!!

October 27th, 2010
8:57 am

Soooo Lee…how longs has it been since she left???

Morning CZ…I am co-signing on 2cans/dat dudes 8:52!!!

Kym

October 27th, 2010
9:01 am

@LeeH1 Please tell me you are not serious..

“Yes, I know that women are out looking for a sugar daddy or Mr. Goodbar to take care of them, so they can remain little girls.”

Who are these women and why do y’all keep messing around with them? I mean if all you run into are women like this what does it say about you?

czBrat

October 27th, 2010
9:02 am

thanx, simple. y muy buenos dias.

YesSheIsCute

October 27th, 2010
9:05 am

It’s really very simple. I had an incident where I was being stalked and my significant other was not visibly disturbed or outraged about it, but a male friend was very disturbed and wanted to confront the guy (both the s/o and the stalker). How simple is it to show concern that you do not want anything bad to happen to the girl that you are dating? No one asked you to be Tarzan but a man should be willing to defend both his girlfriend’s honor and her safety. Not a lot of guys are willing to do that these days…I just wonder who are raising these guys? I hope not the same women who trash talk about no good men in the world these days….

blue®

October 27th, 2010
9:05 am

morning all!

security, hmmm… i agree with Lee, that we are in an age where women can and do protect themselves, however the simple ability to do so doesnt mean that they wouldnt prefer their men step up and make them feel safe and protected. i mean, i own and shoot a crossbow and know how to shoot mr.blues .45, doesnt mean that if someone breaks into our home or theres a stray attacking our kids and mr.blues right there, taht im good with him just looking to me going “your a capable woman, handle it”.

YesSheIsCute

October 27th, 2010
9:06 am

btw good morning! I look forward to the men’s responses about what they do to make a woman feel safe and how important their girl’s feelings (of security when they are around) are to them.

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:09 am

Being the woman that I am security is a big deal. Physical, financial and yes emotional.

I am not actually sure what other’s definition of feeling emotionally safe is WiseDiva, but for me it being in a place with a man that I feel free to be my true self and express who I am. Having a man that I allows me to be vulnerable without judgment or lose.

I once dated a man that I wasn’t too comfortable in the company of because I feared he judged me. In fact I knew that he judged me based on statements he would make. That was a very short lived dating span and it set a bad tone for my dating experiences that were to follow.

Brudda

October 27th, 2010
9:09 am

2CPTG© – “that dude from da innanet”. Dude, don’t try so hard. This isn’t a dating service.

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:12 am

I have to believe that one of the reasons I am in so deep with my husband is because over the years he probably not even realizing it himself has made me feel emotionally safe.

Being that our relationship started as a friendship and just talking to him about every day matters my trust for and in him grew stronger and stronger. He was there for me to lay it all out little by degree. He made himself available to my heart and mind. He is far from perfect but his confidence and being a man of his word created a haven for me with him.

He is not the only man that has made me feel emotionally safe but of the two he got to me first and I am glad he did.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
9:12 am

Raqi…..you’re my sweetie….but you’re a brat, aren’t you? I bet you prolly nag the outta Mase sometimes…

Simple Man 3.0.....Learned to fight watching Dolamite!!!

October 27th, 2010
9:14 am

Hmmmm…… Blue wears thigh high stripper boots AND she knows how to shoot a cross bow….. :) :D :)

Morning blue, Raqi,cuteness,!!! I hope you ladies each have a wonderful day!!!

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:16 am

I believe that men also need to feel emotionally safe in relationships.

I have always been a nurturing type of woman however not all guys that I know or have dated has fully expressed themselves to me and I understand that. Feeling safe with someone has to happen over time.

I have no doubt that I make my marido feel emotionally safe. I think back to when his mother passed and how I saw a whole new side of him. A side that I don’t think anyone has ever seen. All of his family and a lot of his friends look to him to help them out. His younger cousins look up to him and call him when they need advice. He on the other hand really had no one to just let it all loose with. I became that person for him. I am that person for him.

It’s not good to be in a relationship that you have to walk on egg shells in fear of being judged or looked at in a way by the one you are with. When that security is there you feel free and well as safe.

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:17 am

I am sleep deprived so I will be a little chatty this morning. LOL

Simple Man 3.0.....Learned to fight watching Dolamite!!!

October 27th, 2010
9:17 am

While I joke about alot of things…I will say this as sincere as I possible can….One day I hope to have a woman speak about me with as much heartfelt love and Raqi does for her guy…. That is really whats up….

PrincessNik

October 27th, 2010
9:18 am

Any fainting Scarlett O’Haras who needs to lean on men for survival should have been killed off during the last generation.
</i?
:lol:

Good Morning!!

I agree with YSIC How simple is it to show concern that you do not want anything bad to happen to the girl that you are dating?

Simple Man 3.0.....Learned to fight watching Dolamite!!!

October 27th, 2010
9:21 am

Cuteness..This is one of those topics where there is not alot that guys can say with sounding like use car salesmen…..Short of the “I got you” that 2can dropped earlier, what can be said? This is one of the those every minute of everyday things that is built and evolves from actions and actions alone.

LovelessinAtl

October 27th, 2010
9:22 am

Good Morning All,

@Raqi you are so on point with the being emotionaly safe in a relationship. You wrote that very well.

DreamsMaterialize

October 27th, 2010
9:23 am

Morning
Over time a chick should notice that I handle by business in terms of finances, emotions, and safety. If you’re with me, then that applies to you too.

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:24 am

2CPTG, no I am not a nagger. Thank you.

I am a woman. I am a girly woman. I like what I like and I want what I want. I will ask my husband for anything. All he can say is yes or no. If he says no than I let it go. Most times. LOL But then that’s why I am 100% in for him. We have our off days but you know…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
9:26 am

“Brudda”….you’re new to these parts, aren’t you? trying too hard for what? sit back and wait ‘fore you start jumpin’ into the fray, Tito!

blue®

October 27th, 2010
9:28 am

@Simple Man – mornin’! i’ll tell you like i told PR awhile back, im a complicated person, lol…put a good scare into my landlord with that crossbow once, was hil-arious!!!….

@Kym – 841:i agree, trust is crucial, if i cant trust you, no i dont feel safe. if i cant trust that you wont laugh or belittle when i show my raw feelings, that correlates directly to emotional safety. ive got to be guarded to protect myself, and that dont work.
@Raqi – im with you, i think men do want a certain sense of safety. imo, part of the reason men and women have so much trouble communicating, men are more guarded in that stance of cant ever be vulnerable (translation to them (it seems): weakness). seems such a lonely way to be….but then again, i am female, lol….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
9:32 am

none of y’all ladies would understand a man’s need to feel safe…..E. Lynn said it best, “Men Cry in the Dark.” thus, we ain’t really trynna show that soft side…..

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:33 am

If you’re with me, then that applies to you too.

DreamsMat, but it’s more than that. You leave the woman to assume that you’ve got her but it doesn’t really work like that.

We are woman. We desire affirmation. Heck we need it some days. Sometimes it’s just the right hug and the right that gives us that feeling of emotional safety. You as a man may not understand the dilemma of a woman at a particular time but that shouldn’t prevent you from providing her a safe place with you.

A lot of you all think we want you all to get it, but we don’t. We just want to feel safe with you. We want to know that you have us. That’s all.

Don’t force a woman to assume something applies to her, show her.
Heck assuming tends to lead to confusion and misguided significance.

MKA

October 27th, 2010
9:37 am

A man should definitely make a woman feel emotionally and physically safe…and vice versa. I’ve been married for almost eleven years and my husband is a true gentleman. But it definitely feels assuring to me that he would put the “smack-down” on anybody if they attempted to harm me or our children.

PrincessNik

October 27th, 2010
9:39 am

Raqi

you are making a whole lot of sense this am :)

PrincessNik

October 27th, 2010
9:40 am

2Can that was actually Michael Baisden

blue®

October 27th, 2010
9:41 am

@2C – i think most women know that in general thats how most men are, they dont want someone who cries all the time and is always “you know, i just feel _________” (emphasis on all the time and always). imo, we want our men to be men, not women. but the idea that sometimes, once in awhile they actually show some emotion, or enlighten us on the inner workings, oddly enough makes us feel secure! in the proper moment, its that feeling of “he trust me enough to show that side rather than crawling into a cave and handling it on his own”….when mr.blue was still active duty, all kinds of stuff on base going haywire, he didnt show much about it except to hit the playstation hard, lol. but when he got the call that his brother passed, and he hung up the phone and looked at me, tears welling up and just laid against me and cried, may sound twisted, but while i felt horrible that he had that loss, i felt good that he trusted me enough not to stifle how he felt…insight into women, lol

blue®

October 27th, 2010
9:42 am

@Raqi – imo, your right on point today, chatty or no, lol. i like that 933!

YesSheIsCute

October 27th, 2010
9:44 am

@ Simple man I guess….
@ 2CPTG Good morning how are you?

Raqi

October 27th, 2010
9:45 am

2CPTG, it’s not even about you trying to show anything. When you deal with a woman long enough that cares about you…truly cares about you she will learn your patterns and your moods. And she will learn to adjust for those patterns and moods.

None of us know each other at first meeting. Heck not even within the first year or two, but after while we note certain behaviors that let the other know your day didn’t go so well.

It can be something as simple as the look in your eyes.

My husband is a moody guy. Not as bad as when we first got married but still moody. It would aggravate me so bad when he would get like that. I took it personal. I had to learn that is just the way he is THEN I had to learn the difference from that and when he was not feeling well or just had a bad day.

Do you know how many times I had to hear “Raqi please! Okay?!” to learn when he really didn’t want to be bothered? LOL

So whether or not he voluntarily showed me a side or not, after 10 years I am pretty familiar with what’s going on.

AmazonRed™ - Lakers win, Heat loses! Ha!

October 27th, 2010
9:46 am

Morning all! I’m wearing my Lakers championship ring today! :lol:

How to make a woman feel safe: Always look out for her. Protect her even if it means taking a fall!

How can a woman make a man feel safe? By being loyal. :)

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
9:46 am

you are so right, Nik….my bad…

PrincessNik

October 27th, 2010
9:48 am

imo, we want our men to be men, not women. but the idea that sometimes, once in awhile they actually show some emotion, or enlighten us on the inner workings, oddly enough makes us feel secure! in the proper moment, its that feeling of “he trust me enough to show that side rather than crawling into a cave and handling it on his own”….

Blue ^5 on that

Delight23

October 27th, 2010
9:49 am

MORNIIIIIIING! :-) Had an ex buy me a full set of tires as a “just because” I think you need them. Now that is chivalry.

Delight23

October 27th, 2010
9:50 am

Digging AmazonRed™ 9:46AM.

PrincessNik

October 27th, 2010
9:50 am

Ared, great post!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
9:51 am

g’morning, Cuteness; I’m good, thank you….

and yes, Rai, you are correct….it is reassuring when a dude feels comfortable enough to show his emotions to his ol lady…

A Red….I’m with you….sayin it now, in October…I’m a Lakers fan….been one, and gon’ continue to be one….

Simple Man 3.0.....Learned to fight watching Dolamite!!!

October 27th, 2010
9:51 am

“How can a woman make a man feel safe? By being loyal.”

Like a puppy….LOL

( Morning Dear)

Kahuna!

October 27th, 2010
9:55 am

Good morning!

So physical security= check

Emotioanal security? = I ain’t a psychiatrist,whatchu talking about

How about Financial security. Is that important too?

AmazonRed™ - Lakers win, Heat lose! Ha!

October 27th, 2010
9:55 am

A Red….I’m with you….sayin it now, in October…I’m a Lakers fan….been one, and gon’ continue to be one….

:D

I can’t wait to see LeBum cry!!!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

October 27th, 2010
9:55 am

Brudda….where are you? let’s chat on the topic…..wanna hear your input….