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Are we spending too much on dating?

Forget what you’ve seen on those crazy reality shows. Hot air balloon rides, horse-drawn carriages, and weekend excursions are not needed to create romance or keep someone interested. I’ve been wondering about the attitude a lot of single people have when it comes to money and dating.

Fact: You don’t need money to date. You need a personality. If at any time you feel compelled to spend cash to keep someone interested, it’s a problem.

Of course women like to feel special. I won’t argue that, but most women I know feel special when a guy gives them eye contact and listens to her. That’s totally free!

Why does it seem as if we throw money at dating in hopes that it will get us better results? I’m not just referring to men, either. There are some ladies that are doing way too much for men that they aren’t in a relationship with because they have something to prove.

Do you ever think that you spend too much money on dating? If you had to guess, how much money do you think your dates have cost for this year?

What is the appropriate time for large purchases such as trips, jewelry, new pair of breasts (ha!), or cash should be gifted? When more money is spent on dating, does it create more expectations? Does more money mean more problems? Discuss.

608 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
1:02 pm

Orangic dating? New phrase for me. Had to google it. LOL!

2CPTG©

October 26th, 2010
1:04 pm

anyways……

so I last night I got suckered into watching that garbage, “Real Housewives of Atlanta”…ummm, am I the only one who thinks “Dr.” Tiy-E is a fraud??? could care less what shows he’s appeared on, I still think he’s a “snake oil salesman”!! and those chics on there……..lawd hammercy..

Trevor0529

October 26th, 2010
1:04 pm

Well said Cool Shadow.

Luvbug

October 26th, 2010
1:06 pm

LOL 2CPTG – Yeah he lost me at ‘who gone open the ketchup?’

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
1:06 pm

Chevygal – If that’s where he is right now…nothing is wrong with spending that kind of loot on dating. There comes a point where you can upgrade yourself from Applebee’s (Applebee’s really girl?! :? )

Truth be told, if I had that kind of money, I’d spend it trying new places and new restaurants all the time.

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
1:07 pm

2Can – Google him. He was exposed as a fraud years ago.

Trevor0529

October 26th, 2010
1:07 pm

so I last night I got suckered into watching that garbage, “Real Housewives of Atlanta”…

@2C, that is probably an hour of your life you want back.

Luvbug

October 26th, 2010
1:08 pm

Is he a Dr.?? A real one??

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
1:08 pm

Dr. T-y-E was exposed as a fraud a few years back.

2CPTG©

October 26th, 2010
1:09 pm

A Red, yeah, I did….and checked out his website….how you gon’ call yourself a Dr. when this is what’s listed on your website, as your credntials:

Ashwood University, Non-APA Accredited Program 1998-1999. Ph.D. (May, 1999) – Counseling Psychology

a non accredited school???

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
1:10 pm

Isn’t he that dude from the reality show Gilligan’s Island that couldn’t swim? LOL

Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...

October 26th, 2010
1:10 pm

Chevygal..I was just about to try and defend my dating expenses, but lets agree that the amount is realtive… Everydate is not on the high end, but i also see nothing wrong if a date ends up costing several hundred dollars….And truthfully, how hard is that to do??? Just a couple of months ago I went on a date to see a concert at Chastain and the tickets were $89.00 a piece. when you add in the cost of dinner and all of the extras, it ended up being a $400.00 night. Now for a night on the town with a nice lady, good company and stimulating conversation, would you consider that to much.

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
1:11 pm

In fact, I think the AJC is the one that broke the story.

evy

October 26th, 2010
1:13 pm

@ cool shadow: hiya! good points – re: the disconnect; it seems that a large part of the problem is a largely gender-based difference of opinion as to how to define ’substantial’; expensive (which frequently also implies generic in an anyone-with-money-can-do-that sort of way) vs. less expensive or ‘free’ but more personal.

maybe what it comes down to is along the lines of what you said about enhancing one’s chances for a positive response…money is, after all, a tool, with no intrinsic value; – don’t most of us use whatever ‘tools’ we have at our disposal to ‘enhance our chances’?

with the ladies; ok – hair and nails, basic maintenance that they should be doing for themselves anyway…but don’t most of us try to do something at least a little ’special’ when going on a date? especially in the beginning? new dress, maybe, or our ‘best’ (read:expensive, saved-for-special-occasions) perfume? even if it’s an at-home date…we invite a guy over for dinner – are we more likely to boil hotdogs and out-of-the-box mac&cheese, or to hit the market for something fresh and nice and prepare it ourselves?

i think sometimes men and women agree and just don’t realize that they agree…

2CPTG©

October 26th, 2010
1:15 pm

Sexy, I vaguely remember that piece. but when I saw him last night, I was like….what?

and I’ll prolly catch it for this, but it goes to show, you can be fulla sh it, as long as you know how to package it right, there’s always gonna be someobody out there to buy into it….just gotta find your audience…

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
1:21 pm

Toucan – I agree.

And also, my last comment on the broke thing – I’m not balling out of control, by any means. However, the means that I make, I manage well. I see no problem with saying that I’m not looking to date a broke dude. It would be no different from someone saying, “I don’t date fat dudes, short dudes, ugly dudes.” I’m also not saying that I’m looking to date a millionaire. I’m just saying that I am dating and prefer to date a man that is on, at least, the same level that I am financially. Making a decent living, living within my means, with my needs met, with my bills *current* and something extra for a want or three every now and then.
That is all.

Wise Diva

October 26th, 2010
1:23 pm

no need to wonder about my commenting frequency :) my duties at work are lighter this month, plus I spend less time moderating and more time commenting because the rules were laid out for folks who needed to know them.

You may not know it but it’s not unlike how things were before but some of you have only been commenting for a couple of months.

Wise Diva

October 26th, 2010
1:27 pm

I mean to draw the comparison earlier but this is the same as not wanting to date someone just because they’re fine..and that’s it. I doubt men would date a hot chick who was a battle axe for a long. (yes a lot do, of course but it’s their funeral) He’d probably hit that…but at some point their ass-to-waist ratio won’t keep him interested when has to endure a dumb chick with a jacked up attitude..

at any rate… this has been an enlightening discussion, I can appreciate what everyone is saying and I paid attention too

I’m pretty sure I couldn’t date a rich douchebag for long either.

evy

October 26th, 2010
1:31 pm

again – well said, diva! and on that note – i’m out. enjoy the rest of your day, folks!

Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...

October 26th, 2010
1:32 pm

Personal thought….I wonder If WiseDiva would take me out on one of those cheap dates er’body keep talking about????

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
1:33 pm

Oh…I lied.

I also believe that a date is not about the amount of money paid out but the quality of the time spent. One of my most fave dates with TheDude was one Sunday afternoon when we went down to Centennial Park and played with some teenagers on skates and just sat and people watched.

Chevygal

October 26th, 2010
1:34 pm

@Simple Man…The date you described sounds very nice and I think that is great for a special occasion, I just wouldn’t expect something like that as the norm. Also if a date spends that kind of thought and money I would like to in turn do something special for him. But my point was that my idea of a fun time doesn’t necessarily cost a lot of money. And I still think there is nothing wrong with Applebees. Heck, I still think the Varsity is fun…a little greasy but fun every now and then.
It doesn’t take a lot of money or a fancy car to impress me. Just a thoughtful and funloving personality. Guess I’m just old fashioned.

czBrat

October 26th, 2010
1:45 pm

maybe i’ve been dating the wrong kind of guys (NOT), but the spendy dates usually come after we have determined there is mutual interest enough to warrant that kind of expense. if you’re pulling out all the stops before you even get to know me (or expecting that i do so), i’m going to be more than a lil bit uncomfortable and even suspect as to what exactly rings your bell.

Kym

October 26th, 2010
1:46 pm

Okay back from lunch..I am not reading to catchup are still talking about money matters and dating or what?

Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...

October 26th, 2010
1:49 pm

Chevygal…Again The date I refered to happened to be a second date and there was nothing special about that. I never think in terms like I need to impress her some I will do X Y or Z…When I meet some one I want to get further aquainted with I ask them out and go places that I happent to enjoy. I never let what something cost get in teh way of how I feel… Sometimes Buffalo wild wings or Dugans is the Choice

blue®

October 26th, 2010
1:51 pm

still on expenses eh….to put things in perspective, imo, most women are looking for the same kind of guy that men tell their daugther they should be looking for…when Leggs was talking about lil Leggs wanting to borrow money so dude could take her out, even the guys were saying tell her back off or thats the kind of dude she’ll be with in her grown years, broke dudes who cant handle their money….
now take that principle and apply to grown ups, lather, rinse, repeat….

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
1:54 pm

Dinner and a concert is a “special date?”

Chevygirl, how old are you?

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
1:57 pm

And SexyCool, some of the best dates are at places that are off the social map.

These guys need to try being original and finding some of those little corner places without the flashy fancy names (Chop, Veni, Maggianos) and out of the chains (Chilis, RedL, LongHorns).

There are a lot of places with very nice ambiance and charm that are off the much beaten paths.

YesSheIsCute

October 26th, 2010
2:04 pm

Random Thought: I’m ready to go home….

CoolShadow

October 26th, 2010
2:06 pm

i think sometimes men and women agree and just don’t realize that they agree…

@evy- You’re probably right on that far more than we realize. That’s a great point you brought up, the relative state of “expensive vs. substantial”. A $300-$400 date might be pennies in the bucket for a baller with a multi-million signing bonus but a recoverable financial blow for some of us other mere mortals and out of the question for some of us still. But the bottom line is that if the potential is the date from hell no amount of money can atone for that.

For a first date, we put a good foot forward but not necessarily our best. For example, that may consist of a slick outfit especially when hanging out. If things progress, then we may escalate what we have to offer and after a comfort level is established we sometimes may pull back a little. But the first date probably won’t be sweats but not a tuxedo either.

Lady

October 26th, 2010
2:07 pm

Leggs ™

October 26th, 2010
2:09 pm

Good afternoon…have the natives been behaving themselves?

Whew! I am tired. Should have went straight home from my meeting by airport…nothing like passing your exit and sighing!!!

What’s going on in here????

DreamsMaterialize

October 26th, 2010
2:12 pm

Sup Lady? How you been?

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
2:13 pm

I find it hilarious how many men expect their love interest to share their interest in sports however they don’t see it necessary or even normal if a woman wants a man to not even share in her interest but at least be willing to spend with her while doing what doing what she likes.

I am not asking you be interested in or know what a camisole, a cardigan or a garter is just be willing to spend the time with me and possibly carry the bags.

kimmie

October 26th, 2010
2:16 pm

Celisea/Amred – Those situations with those men you mentioned that were not as monied turned out great. I think in all those cases, the women saw something in those men beyond their current situation and took a chance.

I tried to do that with the guy I spoke of in my first post of the day. He was living with his parents and about 3 weeks after we started dating he lost his job. He took a contract position up in DC. While up there, he was able to rent a house with 2 other guys so his living expenses were cheap. His car was paid for and he only drove it on weekends, rode the Metro to work. After taxes he was clearing about 7 grand a month. Still stayed broke because he blew all his money on junk. I was patient and tried to help him.

No dice, he didn’t WANT to do better. I had to roll.

Your friends and sisters were fortunate. As a rule with me though, I can’t take that risk anymore. Life’s too short.

Willie Dynamite

October 26th, 2010
2:17 pm

Afternoon All,

I see the great debate is on again. Without reading the comments I’ll go ahead and agree with the fellas. i also know that none of the blog ladies prescribe to this attitude. hahaha

My opinion – I think we only deem spending too much when our expectations are not met. I usually avoided that by making sure I choice well upfront. The predate convo’s will usually give you a heads up on what type of expectations your date has. I’d much rather meeting for happy Hour and getting to know you a lil better before I start randomely doling at cash at whatever restaurant or date spot.

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
2:18 pm

Yeah, where has abc been?

Lady

October 26th, 2010
2:20 pm

Good DreamsM can’t complain! How are you? Good post today to sir!

DreamsMaterialize

October 26th, 2010
2:22 pm

Good DreamsM can’t complain! How are you? Good post today to sir!
Lady I’m good, just trying to make each day better than the previous one. So, speaking of dates, when are we going to the outter banks?

Kym

October 26th, 2010
2:27 pm

Random Thought: I wonder how many dudes on the blog had Hammer pants and high top fades?

Lady

October 26th, 2010
2:27 pm

patiently waiting on dates sir……MLK wkend or President’s wkend are GREAT getaway weekends! we can try Destin and work our way up to outer banks status…..lol….ponder it! ;)

Blackfoote

October 26th, 2010
2:30 pm

Leggs:

Hello sweetness how was your meeting today?

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
2:30 pm

The predate convo’s will usually give you a heads up on what type of expectations your date has

WillieD, I was just logging back on to type something very similar to that ^. That statement is true for both the men and the women. Pay attention to what the other seems to be expecting AND don’t oversell yourself when you know don’t have it like that.

And even if you do “have it like that” let it me a nice surprise later down the line.

Willie Dynamite

October 26th, 2010
2:30 pm

After readinga few of the posts it seems as though the usual is occuring. Line drawn in the sand for what? Several of the blog ladies have defined what broke is or isnt to them. Blog dudes have TRIED to explain how it is in the field. I will say that for the most part the Dudes are right to have the assumption that you are gonna have to spend to get in the game. I will also agree with the ladies in that the dating pool does have it fair share of Women who ar not into it for the perks. As Men w already know the rules going in. its our job to be better at pre-qualifying these Chicks that can get in the ride so to speak.

DreamsMaterialize

October 26th, 2010
2:33 pm

I wonder how many dudes on the blog had Hammer pants and high top fades?
Kym never had hammer pants, but I did have the Christopher Williams box cut goin on. Also had a shag and a tail at one point or another. lol Did you have jelly shoes and spandex?

we can try Destin and work our way up to outer banks status
Lady Can we try Nancy Creek, and then work our way up to Destin? lol

Kym

October 26th, 2010
2:34 pm

In other words Willie D.. PICK BETTER.

Kym

October 26th, 2010
2:35 pm

I had jelly shoes and neon leg warmers.

Chevygal

October 26th, 2010
2:36 pm

@ARed…to answer your question I think a concert of that expense (including dinner and drinks) would definitely be a special date.
I am on the downhill side of 40 and am a very down to earth person.
I’m not destitue by any means, have a very good management job and a nice home but am not extravagant. I’ve learned after some good and some bad relationships it’s not where you go or how much you spend getting there but the fun you had with the person you were with.
Don’t get me wrong those kinds of dates are nice but I wouldn’t be comfortable doing that all the time…just not me.

Leggs ™

October 26th, 2010
2:37 pm

Awwww, nice to see my hubby missed me and it’s only been a few hours!

For Real

October 26th, 2010
2:37 pm

On topic:

Women seek security from men. – Translation Money!

Men seek the comfort of a woman. – Translation Azz!