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Are we spending too much on dating?

Forget what you’ve seen on those crazy reality shows. Hot air balloon rides, horse-drawn carriages, and weekend excursions are not needed to create romance or keep someone interested. I’ve been wondering about the attitude a lot of single people have when it comes to money and dating.

Fact: You don’t need money to date. You need a personality. If at any time you feel compelled to spend cash to keep someone interested, it’s a problem.

Of course women like to feel special. I won’t argue that, but most women I know feel special when a guy gives them eye contact and listens to her. That’s totally free!

Why does it seem as if we throw money at dating in hopes that it will get us better results? I’m not just referring to men, either. There are some ladies that are doing way too much for men that they aren’t in a relationship with because they have something to prove.

Do you ever think that you spend too much money on dating? If you had to guess, how much money do you think your dates have cost for this year?

What is the appropriate time for large purchases such as trips, jewelry, new pair of breasts (ha!), or cash should be gifted? When more money is spent on dating, does it create more expectations? Does more money mean more problems? Discuss.

608 comments Add your comment

Chink

October 26th, 2010
12:03 pm

lack of ambition and drive. the dude who’s big dream is to move from one end of the couch to the other without sliding off.

Is that more likely LAZINESS??

Let me get this straight so people who are constantly in debt are in a state of mind….hmmm interesting.

What do you call people who pay their bills and have savings?? What state of mind is that??

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
12:03 pm

Uh Simple Man?

evy

October 26th, 2010
12:05 pm

hey, blackfoote -doin alright – and yourself? hmmm…is that ‘bright and interesting’ like when the boss says in the staff meeting regarding the worker who just silenced the room with his psycotic ramblings ‘well. i’m sure we’re all enlightened and refreshed by X’s interesting take on the subject.”? lol

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
12:07 pm

So, DreamsMat – would you date a broke chick? Living at her baby daddy sister’s house while she’s waiting on her HUD approval? Working at a minimum wage job that she takes the MARTA to because her credit is so bad that she can’t even buy a car when she gets her tax refund? Can’t get her hair or her nails done because she’s got to buy diapers?

czBrat

October 26th, 2010
12:07 pm

Kym, i’m willing to bet you’d share your homemade chili with any blog dude that forgot his lunch and is low on funds. but most would swear you’re more likely to save your chili for tomorrow and insist on being treated to a filet. :lol:

gentlemen, when you are so convinced our only interest in you is financial, you may very well fail to see that we actually like you for YOU. ijs.

Kym

October 26th, 2010
12:08 pm

I would like to quote my bankruptcy professor..we are all in debt..there is debt that is current..and there is debt that is not. If you paying your bills and staying on track..then you are not debt free..you are current. Why? Cause the gas meter is still turning, the water meter is turning, GA Power is still raising rates and the meter turns..so unless we all going solar..digging wells etc.. we aim for current.

Celisea

October 26th, 2010
12:08 pm

Swiss – Imma have to agree with your statement here –> What I’m saying is that you can do all the creative, romantic, free stuff in the world, but eventually you’re going to need some $$ if you want to date.

I know at some point, money is spent, sometimes me sometimes you, but for the part women want men to know…it’s sooo not about the money. You can do the dang thing without all the time pulling out your wallet. A man that possesses quality characater and traits and “isms” can get it all.

YesSheIsCute

October 26th, 2010
12:09 pm

The truth of the matter is its a situational decision whether or not to date someone who doesn’t have money. It doesn’t matter if he is “broke”, “unemployed”, “does not have a steady means of income”….really really doesn’t matter b/c if he has NOTHING to offer you he shouldn’t be dating you. I dated a guy that didn’t have a “steady means of income” but didn’t always expect me to pick up the check because of this…. I think what it boils down to is if you can’t think outside the box and find something to offer a chick then no we aren’t dating you.

Guys say we don’t check for guys who don’t APPEAR to have money. I don’t know if I have been trained to look that far into it. If he looks presentable he isn’t treating me like a means to his ends and he seems nice then he gets the time of day. You can lack funds and still look presentable. There is no excuse.

Blackfoote

October 26th, 2010
12:09 pm

evy:

Sorry dear did’nt mean to sound like I was in a board meeting……..lol

Dreams:

Dude you’ve been making sense all day, don’t why it is so hard for someone broke to date when they are so many things on the planet that are cash free.?

Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...

October 26th, 2010
12:10 pm

Ared…Whats up Dear???

Kym

October 26th, 2010
12:11 pm

@czbrat… you are so right..LOL

Luvbug

October 26th, 2010
12:12 pm

To me broke means you don’t have any money to do the things you want to do…you are trying to make ends meet to pay your bills.

The Question is … Why would someone (male/female) in that situation (broke) be dating???

Chink – Two brokes together sharing their income is doable for some because combined they do okay.

evy

October 26th, 2010
12:12 pm

@ blackfoote: apology accepted on principle – but, way to avoid the question, lol – besides; i think the proper spelling is ‘bored’ meeting!

2CPTG©

October 26th, 2010
12:13 pm

“A man that possesses quality characater and traits and “isms” can get it all.”

I see you, gal…..don’t mention “ism”….that’s a whole ‘nutha animal in itself…

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
12:13 pm

How are you gonna ask me to do something…then leave me hangin? Black folks… :lol:

evy

October 26th, 2010
12:13 pm

s’alright – wouldn’t be the first time someone called me “psycho’ – muahhahahaha!

Da_Man!

October 26th, 2010
12:14 pm

@evy, kym, kimmie …

I guess what I’m getting at in a nutshell is the Women who are humble, who are not gold-diggers, who can appreciate the simpler things about dating are in a VERY small pool.

I’m not comparing broke/cheap to Baller status or believe that a woman’s appearance and/or aura always = money-hungry. I just feel like the same tongue that says he can keep it simple is the the same tongue that can label him a buster b/c they went to Waffle House on a date instead of Fogo de Choa.

Another point to make is I’m referring to initial dating (Date 1, 2 & maybe 3).

SexyCool

October 26th, 2010
12:15 pm

Oh…and DreamsMat, you’re right. Broke people should be able to date as much as they want to. They just can’t date me. LOL!

Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...

October 26th, 2010
12:16 pm

Ared…I thought you had it already…. Please forgive!!!

simpleman010245@yahoo.com

newcomer***NOT

October 26th, 2010
12:19 pm

Wow….can we agree to disagree? Lol

Seriously, seems like a majority of they guys are saying “Dating without money is not possible”, while the ladies are saying ” Yes, it is”. Now, we all know having to spend little to no money is going to affect where we can actually go.

Now since most of the women have stated they don’t mind expensive dates sometimes and look forward to the occassional picnic, $1 movie, or even nature walks—-I think the guys need to pay attention!!! GUYS: BE AT THE NEXT MEET AND GREET AND MEET ONE OF THESE WOMEN WHO ARE TELLING YOU THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE BALLIN’ TO DATE THEM!!! ……..I will wait to hear of any possible blog-connections…LOl!!

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
12:20 pm

Simple Man – That’s not what I meant…nevermind. :lol:

evy

October 26th, 2010
12:21 pm

@ da_man: i hear ya, and it sounds like you’re speaking from experience – maybe not firsthand, but i’m sure you’ve at least seen it happen. maybe the flip of that is that old saw about a woman ‘owing’ a man if he spends big on her – i’ve known alot of women who were a little leery when a man does flash the cash, b/c it makes them wonder/worry about what he may be expecting in return – most of us have either been in/seen that tired scene play out. imo, there’s alot to be said for being in a small pool…i think that most people fish in a small pond if they already know what’s in there – and know that that’s what they want.

Celisea

October 26th, 2010
12:23 pm

There’s no perfect time of personal situation for meeting a good person. Should meeting someone be a priority during hardship? No, but there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone while you’re focusing on your hardships, financial or otherwise.

I dunno, I might agree here. My co-worker met her husband here. She told me how she worked 2 jobs prior to their meeting to make ends meet. Paid off old debts, repaired her credit, on to putting money away. She met a dude here (been married now about 17 years). Said he was financially jacked up more than she and she had straighten her issues out. Said she took the risk, married him, added his name to her mortgage and they paid it together. Said they then tackled his old debt until they got them under control. They paid the mortgage on time in her house until their credit improved. Next step was approved financing to build a new home together. Built and lived in for a couple years…sold it and built a 2nd house. Now? He works here and a 2nd gig. He’s climbed the ladder here so I know he’s making decent. They keep about 25 grand in savings and a couple of CDs. His kids are adults now and so is her son and it’s just them. She bought and paid for a new Navigator and he has a fairly new truck. I don’t think they want for too much. Can’t say I would risk it but I agree with Dreams…

Blackfoote

October 26th, 2010
12:24 pm

evy:……..LOL

Kym:

I have my eye on you cause I think you feel all us men will only date women we deem extravagant in order for us to engage ourselves. I don’t need that type of woman, yes have I been involved with that type now I look for the stable lady who has her own character.

evy

October 26th, 2010
12:24 pm

@ newcomer not: YAY! somebody heard us!

@ all the men: DIG THAT, DUDES!

USMC DAWG

October 26th, 2010
12:25 pm

The fact is:

Women are NOT equal.
If they were equal, they would ask men out and pay for dates on an equal basis.
(And no RAqi… I don’t mean one lunch date in your Pinto. I’m talking on a regular basis.)

The man is EXPECTED to pay everytime with a few exceptions.
You know it’s true.

Face the facts. Women for the MAJORITY part will not date a guy who either appears to have no money or a guy who might be going through a tough time financially whether it is permanent or temporary.
Those are the facts and all you womens know so.

Le Siren

October 26th, 2010
12:25 pm

@Swiss- Your 10:04 post was THE TRUTH! Now returning to lurksville…:)

Chink

October 26th, 2010
12:25 pm

Luv

Two brokes together sharing their income is doable for some because combined they do okay.

How is that possible? Someone is still going to be getting the short end of the stick. One will be doing ok the other will still be broke even more so!

Mind you I am going by my own defintion of broke …I am not sure how you define broke. Seems there are some different views on that.

Celisea

October 26th, 2010
12:26 pm

I see you, gal…..don’t mention “ism”….that’s a whole ‘nutha animal in itself…

2Can – You’re debating this thing today but I know you “get it.” You write like you do :)

Celisea

October 26th, 2010
12:27 pm

I hope my post wasn’t in violation…but I gotta say for my coworker, I’ve met her husband. He’s a pretty decent dude. Maybe he needed that woman to show him the way…LOL

THE INFAMOUS DK

October 26th, 2010
12:29 pm

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

I am whatever you say I am

October 26th, 2010
12:35 pm

Radom thoughts in random order:

1) such a pain that I broke the glass covering my wall sconce.
2) where can I find a wall sconce cover
3) how the heck should I display my wedding kimono
4) where can I get bamboo rods to hang my wedding kimono
5) who can I get to help me mount the kimono on my wall
6)I whip my hair back and forth!
7) ugh! I am so tired of tiring to remove wall paper
8) Is Wise Diva commenting more since the blog plantationhad that unfortunate episode where our monikers were hijacked.
9) Does Wise Diva’s superiors have her on lock :shock:

Luvbug

October 26th, 2010
12:36 pm

Chink – I define broke as low income because I assume it’s just making it…check to check. I don’t include over spending because that’s a choice (there is an option not to be broke). I also don’t assume broke is bad credit because bad credit is bad credit.

Some people make a living wage which only keeps them in black or barely in black each month. Two people who are in that category who share income and resources are decreasing their expenses by combining them. That makes it doable…maybe just a little extra that they can build on. These people may have a ‘we’ and not ‘me’ mentality going when considering their future with a person because they can’t afford the ‘me’ mentality.

They may not be financially ambiguous, but just okay financially and comfortable with that.

Trevor0529

October 26th, 2010
12:37 pm

Come on with the “broke people can’t date” rants. Everybody wants/needs love, affection, companioship, whatever. As a matter of fact, many people met that special person while they were in the thick of their brokeness (financial, emotional, spiritual, etc). There’s no perfect time of personal situation for meeting a good person. Should meeting someone be a priority during hardship? No, but there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone while you’re focusing on your hardships, financial or otherwise.

@Dreams, very good points you brought out here.

Should the lack of money deny you the opportunity to meet that special someone? We never know who will be placed in our life at the moment we really need it.

Luvbug

October 26th, 2010
12:39 pm

DreamsMaterialize

October 26th, 2010
12:40 pm

So, DreamsMat – would you date a broke chick?
SexyC Like I told Raqi, I’ve fished in almost every pond. Either I was in the same situation as the chick, or I HAD been there before and related to someone who was where I had once been. People experiencing hardships often meet people while they’re going through it. A person coming out of a divorce might meet someone during that time. People meet in rehab. Often the person you meet can relate to what you are going through.

Personally, my mom got divorced when I was a kid, took public transportation, had a job as a secretary and worked part-time at mcdonald’s, had subsidized housing, and had bad credit because my dad ditched her with all the bills. When she met her now husband of 20 years, she was still working through that situation. She since got her degree, teaches elementary school, and is working on her masters. You meet a person where they are in their life and determine if there’s a future for the the two of you.

Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...

October 26th, 2010
12:41 pm

“Don’t judge me for working the system!”

Sooooo When are we going to go to the Hawks game????

LovelessinAtl

October 26th, 2010
12:41 pm

Hi All,
I thought the topic was about a guy in most cases leading with his wallet. And has dating really become a high expense. Am i missing something.
Has dating expectations changed in dating.

2CPTG©

October 26th, 2010
12:42 pm

Celisea….ain’t really debatin it….cause this whole thing is a non-issue for me…..it really is; just some interesting comments, that’s all….

Da_Man!

October 26th, 2010
12:45 pm

We keep going back to broke, hardships, financial ruins, etc.

Are we spending too much on dating?

This is relative … If I’m “broke” almost anything is too much. But what if I’m not “broke” but just don’t want to do the extravagant “thing” initially on a date. You don’t really know me whether I spend too much or too little but one thing for sure, First Impressions are Everthing, which is why I called this a slippery slope.

The irony in my firsthand experience with this is listening to women (family & friends) rake a guy over the coals b/c he didn’t measure up financially on their date. Not that they were gold-digging or anything, I just believe they were expecting too much.

evy

October 26th, 2010
12:46 pm

“hardship builds character”; “that which does not kill us makes us stronger”; “sorrow shared is sorrow halved – happiness shared is happiness doubled” – all old sayings, which, imo, although they (like most things) don’t apply to everyone, certainly have that nugget of truth to them…everyone has hard times, it’s not having hard times that define a person, but how they handle them, and (again, imo)a person having a hard time should not mean that others cut him/her off emotionally or socially…here’s another one – “be good to the people you meet on your way up – cause you’re gonna meet the same people on your way down.”

I am whatever you say I am

October 26th, 2010
12:47 pm

random thought:

If I park all the way in the back (almost last row of parking spaces closer to Macon) why must you park next to me :evil:

AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha

October 26th, 2010
12:49 pm

but I gotta say for my coworker, I’ve met her husband. He’s a pretty decent dude. Maybe he needed that woman to show him the way…LOL

Celisea – My sisters married broke dudes. But they are good solid guys. I mean one of my brother in laws was sleeping on his mama’s couch in her trailer manufactured home and didn’t even have a car! The other can’t find a job here in the states, so he’s contracting overseas.

They’re getting it done for their families. But dudes were broke!

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
12:51 pm

I didn’t take the topic to imply that money is not needed at some point in some form. It is. And yes it is very true that funds will be used when forming and maintaining a relationship. But I truly thought the topic was an attempt to get people to see that you can date and not have to go broke doing it. You know, finding like minded individuals to date and being creative in showing your date a nice time out.

To say that the gas that is put in the car to go on the date is money spent is just folks thinking to darn literal. We all know it takes money to put fuel in the car but wouldn’t you need to put fuel in the car anyway. That like a woman saying she needs spend money to get her hair done for a date. Most women are getting their hair done anyway.

That’s a poor rebuttal. Money for gas in the car. LOL

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
12:54 pm

2CPTG, you’ll like this.

After I paid the check my date looked at the total and said ‘at this price I guess you are expecting me to put out now, huh?’

:lol:

Raqi

October 26th, 2010
12:56 pm

For me broke is not having money do anything. Your bills aren’t paid, you bumming money to ride the bus, you bumming food from lunch from your coworkers yet you still get a pay check every week or two.

You don’t have to be rich but you don’t have to be broke either.

Da_Man!

October 26th, 2010
12:56 pm

@AmazonRed … your sisters know you referring to their husbands as broke dudes???

CoolShadow

October 26th, 2010
12:58 pm

There seems to be a major disconnect between the genders regarding financial means and dating. The blog ladies are contending that you generally don’t need much money to date and that simple, inexpensive dates while really getting to know someone is quite acceptable and the way to go (what I will call organic dating). However, the men don’t quite see it that way.

Organic dating from my experience has been something that is generally sprung after you’ve established a rapport with someone after a few dates. Suggesting a simple outing as an initial date should be a viable option and props to you ladies who have no problem with that. However, with a segment of women that move might get you rejected and/or labeled as a cheapskate or buster. But since the onus is on the men to impress the ladies into a date and we don’t know you yet, men will choose the option that enhances his chances for a positive response, i.e., a date with a little more substance. Hopefully after the first date a clearer picture will develop in terms of your dating activity preferences.

You may not need money to date but it probably improves the quality of the experience…

Da_Man!

October 26th, 2010
1:01 pm

Preach … CoolShadow!

Chevygal

October 26th, 2010
1:01 pm

Good afternoon all….I’m jumping in a little late here and usually just read and enjoy all the comments but could not hold back today…

@Simple Man…admitedly I have not read all the comments; however the one where you stated how much you had spent on dating this year, I almost choked. What’s wrong with you man???? I think you also have the wrong opinion of women, in general. Nothing wrong with Applebees. Every date doesn’t have to be a Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Also just to let you know we’re not all money grabbers many times I surprise a date by making a great home cooked meal, a nice wine and some great conversation. Or a nice little road trip to nowhere inparticular in a plain little ole car with a nice picnic lunch. It’s the company not the money.