Are we spending too much on dating?
Forget what you’ve seen on those crazy reality shows. Hot air balloon rides, horse-drawn carriages, and weekend excursions are not needed to create romance or keep someone interested. I’ve been wondering about the attitude a lot of single people have when it comes to money and dating.
Fact: You don’t need money to date. You need a personality. If at any time you feel compelled to spend cash to keep someone interested, it’s a problem.
Of course women like to feel special. I won’t argue that, but most women I know feel special when a guy gives them eye contact and listens to her. That’s totally free!
Why does it seem as if we throw money at dating in hopes that it will get us better results? I’m not just referring to men, either. There are some ladies that are doing way too much for men that they aren’t in a relationship with because they have something to prove.
Do you ever think that you spend too much money on dating? If you had to guess, how much money do you think your dates have cost for this year?
What is the appropriate time for large purchases such as trips, jewelry, new pair of breasts (ha!), or cash should be gifted? When more money is spent on dating, does it create more expectations? Does more money mean more problems? Discuss.
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608 comments Add your comment
kimmie
October 26th, 2010
11:35 am
Simple – I didn’t say you said you flash wealth. But you did mention how you get more play when you’re in your “good car”!LOL! But really I was just giving you my opinion, my thought process on this whole topic.
You’ve spoken since you started blogging about how much you date and that you like nice places and things. That’s wonderful. You’ve mentioned you have a nice home. People case folk out all the time, not just women you date, but friends, family, neighbors, etc. When some folks see the trappings of success they make a lot of assumptions. They have dollar signs in their eyes. Some people will accuse you of “flashing wealth” even though you’re just living the lifestyle you are able to afford!
I’m truly one that can look beyond the shiny outside cover and get to the substance. That’s what I’ll have to deal with.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
11:35 am
no, I’m swiss, I didn’t get that from the comments I read. I get what you are saying though. I will stand by my comment “you don’t need money to date”, especially in the context of attracting, pursuing, and keeping people interested. Most people bathe, work a job, and have a place to live because that is what adults do, basic living. you’re aren’t doing all those things to get laid, at least I hope men aren’t!
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 26th, 2010
11:36 am
Celisea — Are you going to pick up the check & pay the tab every time? Because if not, dude’s going to need some cash of his own at some point…
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
11:36 am
Chink – Pay for my portion of the meal and thank him for the outing…..
But we’re going on a moneyless date…so we’re not eating. I’m driving you (being the man), what well thought out plans do you have? It is possible to date without spending. Know you’re woman and what she likes. You don’t need money to know or figure that out.
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
11:36 am
Would you go out with him again, Chink?
White Man
October 26th, 2010
11:37 am
This topic is boring.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
11:37 am
sweetheart, you don’t have to jump through hoops for anybody. It’s just discussion. I am offering a point of view. If it’s too much work, by all means…don’t bother
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
11:37 am
Celisea – Chink was answering my 11:22.
Chink
October 26th, 2010
11:38 am
To me broke means you don’t have any money to do the things you want to do…you are trying to make ends meet to pay your bills.
And you don’t have to be making a low salary you could just be living above your means…plenty of people of decent/high salaries do that all the time!
The Question is … Why would someone (male/female) in that situation (broke) be dating???
Blackfoote
October 26th, 2010
11:39 am
Kym:
You brought out good points nobodys right or wrong here just different. It takes money just to walk out the door everyday like you said it’s all about wahts makes you happy.
2CPTG©
October 26th, 2010
11:39 am
“you don’t need money to date”,
In the grand scheme of things, I’mma have to agree with this….may be a lil semantics involved, but no, you don’t need money to date….
need clarification, I’ll be happy to oblige….
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
11:40 am
Swiss – Are you going to pick up the check & pay the tab every time? Because if not, dude’s going to need some cash of his own at some point…
For today’s topic and the effort to cut back and not “spend too much”…dinner tabs are out. We’re getting creative so, what? That’s what we’re asking. I mean we know dinner and such calls for money but we’re SOOOOO open to something other than or in addition to that. Something deeper. Something from you.
Kym
October 26th, 2010
11:41 am
@Blackfoote..I think that was Kimmie..
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
11:41 am
Learn how to cook, make a basket and have her meet you in the park. That would go a long way, well it would with the type of woman I like.
I really don’t understand why money is an issue of concern, everyone needs some amount of money to survive and do things. Some people just have different spending habits. I will say that if money limits your creativity in dating you are in for a roller coaster ride.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 26th, 2010
11:41 am
“you’re aren’t doing all those things to get laid, at least I hope men aren’t!”
Wise — To steal a line from Dave Chappelle — If a man could get [noun; slang referring to female genitalia] in a cardboard box, he wouldn’t buy a house.
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
11:41 am
Chink – cosigning your definition of broke.
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
11:42 am
To me “broke” is a mindset. Not a financial standing.
Da_Man!
October 26th, 2010
11:42 am
I don’t know about this one; this a slippery slope! You women are something else sometimes. No one specific, just in general …
Women in some ways compel men to go all out financially when dating and it’s not really anything they say verbally, but like Wise Diva mentioned earlier … many women have “Spend that $$$” oozing from their pores (I’m twisting it a little). I don’t have a problem with that but I believe there are quite a few Ladies reading or commenting on this blog that would co-sign the “You don’t have to re-finance the house to take me out” sentiment but are even quicker to have a “cheap mutha****” demeanor when put in that situation.
There are plenty dudes that can keep it simple, inexpensive, thoughtful as well as entertaining. But are these the Guys that really get the dates with you Ladies???
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:43 am
@ celisea: nail:head
Luvbug
October 26th, 2010
11:45 am
I’ve hardly read anything this morning, so forgive me if I’m all out of place, but ummm…
Simple Man – Not trying to call you out, but I remember asking you if you assumed that women who asked more of you financially on first meet thought more highly of themselves than women who didn’t. You went into some vague explanation that you preferred a ‘certain’ caliber of women…women in your league. Pretty much, you preferred women who expected more from you financially off the bat…from then on you’ve suggested that you don’t want a golddigger.
I don’t know how to interpret that.
You are paying the fee for the women you are attracted to. So are the other men on the blog. I don’t see how that reflects on women in general. I assume it reflects your preference.
Water meets its own level.
Chink
October 26th, 2010
11:45 am
ARED
No, not only is that tacky it shows lack of maturity.
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:46 am
@ da_man: there is a huge difference between ‘cheap’ and ‘broke’(any definition of broke); broke implies a lack of ability, cheap implies a lack of willingness, which, imo, says alot more about a person’s character.
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
11:46 am
Chink/ARed – oops
So many opinions going and flying…LOL
Kym
October 26th, 2010
11:47 am
@Da Man I would guess not cause from what I am reading here..those dudes are picking women who want everything including their pocket lint.
Like I said before..seems like the dudes might want to pick better.
Blackfoote
October 26th, 2010
11:47 am
Enter your comments here
Simple Man 2.5...Now dressed in NASCAR style Helment to Avoid any Further damage...
October 26th, 2010
11:47 am
Whats up Evy???
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:48 am
@simple: lol! hey, dude! diggin your style lately…
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
11:48 am
Well, I’m wondering do men think if you don’t put out she won’t put out? Seriously is that why so many think we think a date ain’t a date unless money is involved. For what Dreams mentioned…wine, snacks and a telescope…me personally I’d be more inclined to cozy up than sitting across the table and leaving with a fully tummy. Just me though.
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
11:48 am
You might not NEED money to *date*, especially if you are dating JUST to date. But you doggone better HAVE some if you have an expectation of developing a relationship – at least with someone that you would want to have a relationship with.
Because, really, I can *hang out* with a broke dude. He tells great jokes. I laugh my @s$ off. Have a good time. Handshake his broke behind good night and keep it moving. But that’s ALL WE GONE DO.
Another reason *broke* people shouldn’t date is that if they mess around a make a baby, who’s gone pay for that? (I know, so not PC. But still, I’m just saying.)
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:49 am
@ luvbug: “water meets its own level” – nicely put.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 26th, 2010
11:49 am
“We’re getting creative so, what? That’s what we’re asking. I mean we know dinner and such calls for money but we’re SOOOOO open to something other than or in addition to that. Something deeper. Something from you.”
Of course you are. I never said otherwise. What I’m saying is that you can do all the creative, romantic, free stuff in the world, but eventually you’re going to need some $$ if you want to date. Just like you will eventually need some $$ if you want to have a social life by yourself, the difference is that for a guy who is dating you multiply that times 2. Again, I’m not saying you have to be a baller to date, I’m just telling you that dating can be cheap, but it is never free for guys. At least not if you want to continue seeing the same woman.
And just to clarify, I’m not complaining about this. It’s fine. I was taught that guys should court women and should always pay for everything when dating, and I’ve always done so, gladly. Just don’t tell me guys can date for free, because that is simply not true. That’s all…
kimmie
October 26th, 2010
11:49 am
Chink – I’m cosigning your definition too.
It’s about having your priorities in order. If you are having trouble making ends meet, you don’t have disposable income available, whether you are spending it on dates, clothes, video games, etc. Your money is just barely covering your basic living expenses. Your priority at that point is “making it”, surviving. You should not use your rent money to pay for a date or buy a video game. But some people do it.
And yes, to get technical, of course nothing in this world is truly free. You are going to have to pay for transportation. Even if you just buy coffee, gotta have money for that. But some folks barely have money to get to work and back. They shouldn’t be trying to date until they get on their feet.
I take the topic to mean, if all you have is money going for you, it’s rather sad. It’s going to take more than that to have a quality dating experience.
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:50 am
WD, there you go stating the obvious again, I know I don’t have to jump through hoops, we all know that … But darling, please know that we want to work for that woman or potential women who enters our lives… Anything that comes to easy is usually not worth it …
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:51 am
@ sexy: good point with the baby issue; but – you don’t have to ‘date’ to fall into that hole – just sayin.
Kym
October 26th, 2010
11:52 am
@SexyC..broke people make babies everyday..and we all pay for it. I agree broke is the state of mind..lack of ambition and drive. Someone said earlier in the posts that no one wants to date the dude who’s big dream is to move from one end of the couch to the other without sliding off.
Luvbug
October 26th, 2010
11:52 am
SexyCool – LOL
Funny enough, I wouldn’t be surprised if broke people are meeting, dating and staying together easier that the middle/upper middle folks.
Broke folks may know their (perceived) worth a little better than the rest.
Luvbug
October 26th, 2010
11:53 am
Thanks evy
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:53 am
@ kym: missed that comment earlier – but dayum! too funny…too sad…
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:54 am
yw, luvbug – credit where credit is due…:)
czBrat
October 26th, 2010
11:55 am
I wish I could speak with the men or man that’s been in their life.
Voter, i wish you could too.
There are plenty dudes that can keep it simple, inexpensive, thoughtful as well as entertaining. But are these the Guys that really get the dates with you Ladies???
i’m tired of saying it but, yes. now i’m ready to take a long stroll and come back later cuz on these topics most simply like to believe what they like to believe.
kimmie
October 26th, 2010
11:57 am
There are plenty dudes that can keep it simple, inexpensive, thoughtful as well as entertaining. But are these the Guys that really get the dates with you Ladies???
Da Man – Yeah. They get the smart women of substance. Like attracts like. I know plenty guys just like that and they have no trouble getting dates. Like plenty of us have said, a lot of the men and the women need to upgrade their selection process and pool.
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:57 am
y’know, all this back and forth over ‘worth’ of various kinds reminds me of an exchange from an old marilyn monroe movie, wherein, upon having been accused of being a gold-digger by the wealthy father of her beau, she insists that she loves his son, and asks essentially ‘what’s wrong with being pleased that he’s also rich?”, likening it to a woman’s looks – she says, “it’s like a girl being pretty; she doesn’t have to be, but, my goodness, it helps, doesn’t it?”
I am whatever you say I am
October 26th, 2010
11:57 am
Purple:
Apology somewhat accepted.
Apology would have been fully accepted had there been extra toilet paper and a plunger.
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:58 am
White Man – I’m with you on your 11:37, next …
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
11:58 am
You are quite correct, evy. Restatement – Broke a$s folks shouldn’t be making babies. But just like Kym said, they do it everyday and we all pay for it.
“no one wants to date the dude who’s big dream is to move from one end of the couch to the other without sliding off.” That sounds like the dude NotCrazy has at her house right now. LOL!
Kym
October 26th, 2010
11:58 am
@czbrat..wait for me it’s lunchtime..I brought my lunch..homemade chilli..(wait I wonder if that puts me in the broke or cheap group..LOL whateva)
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 26th, 2010
11:59 am
kimmie — I agree & I agree…
I think the thing that jumped off the screen for most of us guys (well for me, anyway) was this: “Fact: You don’t need money to date.” Now, if we just edit that to say: “Fact: You don’t need a lot of money to date>” then I’m totally on board… 
evy
October 26th, 2010
12:01 pm
@ sexy: i concur in spades. re: your second comment – lol!
Blackfoote
October 26th, 2010
12:02 pm
evy:
Hi evy how you been doing? You bring a another bright interesting view today.
DreamsMaterialize
October 26th, 2010
12:02 pm
Come on with the “broke people can’t date” rants. Everybody wants/needs love, affection, companioship, whatever. As a matter of fact, many people met that special person while they were in the thick of their brokeness (financial, emotional, spiritual, etc). There’s no perfect time of personal situation for meeting a good person. Should meeting someone be a priority during hardship? No, but there’s nothing wrong with meeting someone while you’re focusing on your hardships, financial or otherwise.