Are we spending too much on dating?
Forget what you’ve seen on those crazy reality shows. Hot air balloon rides, horse-drawn carriages, and weekend excursions are not needed to create romance or keep someone interested. I’ve been wondering about the attitude a lot of single people have when it comes to money and dating.
Fact: You don’t need money to date. You need a personality. If at any time you feel compelled to spend cash to keep someone interested, it’s a problem.
Of course women like to feel special. I won’t argue that, but most women I know feel special when a guy gives them eye contact and listens to her. That’s totally free!
Why does it seem as if we throw money at dating in hopes that it will get us better results? I’m not just referring to men, either. There are some ladies that are doing way too much for men that they aren’t in a relationship with because they have something to prove.
Do you ever think that you spend too much money on dating? If you had to guess, how much money do you think your dates have cost for this year?
What is the appropriate time for large purchases such as trips, jewelry, new pair of breasts (ha!), or cash should be gifted? When more money is spent on dating, does it create more expectations? Does more money mean more problems? Discuss.
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608 comments Add your comment
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:58 am
I am probably going to give you the side eye if we HAVE to go to the dollar movie.M/i>
EXACTLY!
Now let me go take my man to lunch.
blue®
October 26th, 2010
10:59 am
@Simple – i said my stance was the same whe dating, and i dont mean just dating mr.blue either. one dude, first date we met after work and went window shopping in NYC(didnt buy a thing) and drinks at a bar with a rooftop section, checked out the NYC skyline and the pier while getting to know each other, had a great time…another dude, first date – we drove in his little red hatchback to teh local state park to watch the waterfall, first time id ever been to a waterfall, had a great time…its not just about being established already as a couple, first dates and early dates can be laid back and low cost too, just gotta put some thought into it.
czBrat
October 26th, 2010
10:59 am
and btw, i was under the impression you guys got something out of the dates too. whether it’s an all-out cash-flashing kinda date or a picnic … are you not enjoying it too? are you saying you treat women because you feel you HAVE to?
yes, Trevor. you summed it up nicely.
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
11:00 am
When I go to a concert, or the Hawks game, I want to have the best seats availble..
Me too. I get a lot of hookups with my job. I’m usually in nice seats or a suite. HOWEVER, when I pay for the ticket, I’m buying nose bleeds and sitting in the empty seats left by the fat cats and corporations who don’t go.
*shrugs* Don’t judge me for working the system!
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
11:00 am
If you won’t even do a dollar movie yourself then why the heck are you even bringing it up.
Melo!
October 26th, 2010
11:01 am
and the fly dressed chics sporting expensive gucci bags ain’t looking at the dude in cheap clothing and rugged shoes either
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
11:01 am
But when you lack personality, individual sex appeal and charm, then yes you just may be getting dates based on spending big.
….and blind to this fact is an even bigger issue
2CPTG©
October 26th, 2010
11:03 am
ok, I’mma gon’ be cocky and say it….I’m some’n like that dude Diva describes…..I don’t need to wear my money on my sleeves to pulla chic…I know, yeah, I said it, I KNOW I got it….
and that same cockiness/arrogance/machismo/personality/swag, or whatever, that enables me to pull chics, also enables me to get money…
in the words of Wise Diva, “getchu some!”
DreamsMaterialize
October 26th, 2010
11:04 am
DreamsMat, yes you can date for free. Not every date…
Raqi so you’re saying dating ISN’T free. Dating is an ongoing process. That process is not FREE. “Inexpensive” and “Free” aren’t the same thing. I agree you have to mix it up, and you have to find women who genuinely appreciate creativity. So, last month there was a rare astronomical event…Jupiter, Uranus, and the full harvest moon were all visible to the naked eye. You could actually see the rings if you had binoculars or a telescope, and the weather was beautiful. Now, a nice wine, some snacks, and a telescope was a great way to see that. No matter what chicks say, when you start making phone calls, there’s really only a handful (sometimes none) who are actually down for stuff like that, and it has nothing to do with ponds. lol
blue®
October 26th, 2010
11:05 am
But when you lack personality, individual sex appeal and charm, then yes you just may be getting dates based on spending big – exactamundo….
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
11:08 am
2Can – How do you compensate for the fact that you aren’t 6′5″ if you don’t stand on your wallet?
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
11:09 am
Wise Diva…I don’t assume to know you…Just as you don’t know me…I have never offered any judgment on anyone or their values or the Type of person they are pursuing. My point is that Broke dudes don’t get alot of play and thats from a guys perspective. Not once have I had anything negative about the ladies. I simply gave my thoughts. I never say anything out of pocket to the ladies here…These are stronging wonderful women, with strong solid opions. My experiences don’t mean I am fishing in the shallow end of the pool, they are just like yours..they are what they are…..
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
11:09 am
Kym, all women do not want a baller, but it is a fact that all women lie. LOL
Luvbug
October 26th, 2010
11:10 am
I can’t count the number of times that women (often on this very blog) have said, “if a guy’s broke, then he shouldn’t be dating.”
Dreams – I’ve not been here on the blog long, so I haven’t witnessed that. I do remember stating on more than one occasion that a man shouldn’t think about dating if he is unemployed…which is different than broke.
2CPTG©
October 26th, 2010
11:12 am
“2Can – How do you compensate for the fact that you aren’t 6′5″ if you don’t stand on your wallet?”
it’s said best in the “Serenity prayer”….I accept the things that I can not change…but those things that I can control……I do!
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:12 am
hello, all! hope you’re all good…
kimmie
October 26th, 2010
11:13 am
Simple – I’m not a Kennedy or a Hilton by no means, but my parents were able to give me & my siblings a great lifestyle. They were very educated, and so is my extended family. They also worked very hard for what they got and instilled in us that nothing out there is free and you get nowhere without a good education.
I have been exposed to the finer things in life. I’m used to nice things. I’m also very equipped to deal with times of struggle, because I’ve been there too.
Most of us were not born with a silver spoon in our mouths, especially us AA’s. I love seeing my people acheive great things and be able to aquire what their parents may not have had. But some dude flashing his fancy car and his wad of money, like “he’s not used to anything” really does not impress me, because that is not a sign of REAL WEALTH. It can also be lost in a NY minute.
I need to see intelligence, financial responsibility, character, spunk, humbleness, class. I’ve seen these traits from men that had less fortunate beginnings but had the drive to make something of themselves. They may not be carrying a briefcase to work and their collar is blue, but they have skills and they work with what they have and do it well.
Those traits are what I find HOTT!!!
Purple Olive – My love, I LIKE your 10:35!
M. (pronouced M dot)
October 26th, 2010
11:14 am
@czBrat
Yeah we are getting something out of it which is we are taking ourselves out also and she is really along for the ride. Thats why dating really is not tricking because you are getting something out of it also.
Now if I pay her comcast bill, that is trickin!
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:14 am
on topic: hmmmm…last time i went out with a guy, we met at barnes and noble, had coffee on the patio and talked – MY suggestion (he wanted to go clubbing, among other things). i like to get to know a guy more than his wallet (which may or may not be ‘dressed up’ for the occasion – who’s to know?). one of the things that puts me off is him insisting that we do it up early in the relationship – makes me wonder if he’s trying too hard, and why. i do look for stability – but stability in no way means wealth or flash, just not hand-to-mouth and/or on someone else’s dime. if we are together long-term, i’d rather put the money into building our home and future; if it’s a new and/or short-term thing, i’d rather we each put our money into building our own lives; people – men and women – who are happy and secure themselves are always better company – more interesting, more fun, less drama.
@ trevor: that seems to be the jist of it – funny, huh? smh…
@ simple: as the old ladies in my neighborhood used to say (smh): tch, tch, tch…oh, but love the “2.0 – new and improved”!
@dreams: now THAT”S a great date – first or otherwise!
DreamsMaterialize
October 26th, 2010
11:14 am
But when you lack personality, individual sex appeal and charm, then yes you just may be getting dates based on spending big
yeah ok, well I’ll let those dudes do that. I’ll stick to meteor showers, Hammonds House, midnight chocolate buffets, free outdoor movies and the like.
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
11:16 am
I can’t count the number of times that women (often on this very blog) have said, “if a guy’s broke, then he shouldn’t be dating.”
Luvbug – I’ve said it!
Chink
October 26th, 2010
11:16 am
The old money issue….would I date a guy who is broke…no …who is going to be spending money most of the time?? I don’t understand the concept of a free date some money has to be spent somewhere it might not be dinner but gas to drive…
Would I date if I was broke …no…because I do like to treat as well. Perfect scenario for me is like a 60/40 ratio…only because I am a bit spoiled and that would be something that he does on his own …if he doesn’t 50/50 is fine. The ratio is spending on dating…going out and etc.
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:17 am
Simple – Go hard dude, don’t let them bully you around. You work hard so you play hard. If a nice chicka comes into the fold, then she gets to enjoy the activities as well. Balling, NO, just means I like having a good time and the woman/women I am seeing is partaking as well…
There is always going to be a diff in opinion with men and women, it’s true Men are from Mars, Women from Venus, we different and think diff.
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
11:18 am
Anybody that is broke (literally or figuratively, financially, emotionally, mentally or whatever form of brokenness there is), male or female, shouldn’t be dating. They should be focused on getting their sht straight.
Blackfoote
October 26th, 2010
11:18 am
Whoa this thing going in two directions……..nice one by Purp…..Dreams hitting on good points……Kym has done nicely…….Raqi racking up points……..this real time stuff shows how many different points of view men and women have and pretty much no one is wrong.
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
11:19 am
kimmie…Tell me where did I say anything about flashing wealth???? Where did I mention anything of the sort???
Luvbug
October 26th, 2010
11:21 am
ARed – Okay. LOL
Trevor0529
October 26th, 2010
11:21 am
I am trying to understand the disconnect and so far so good. Ladies, what is your definition of “broke”? Is it just financial or is it something else? Anyone can be financially broke and be a great individual. But, if you are financially sound but spiritually broke , that is a different matter.
Just my thoughts!!
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:22 am
Honestly, I think a lot of these women are writing what sounds good, I wish I could speak with the men or man that’s been in their life. I bet some of the stories would be a lot different … and that’s REAL TALK !
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
11:22 am
Weigh in on this scenario
You are on a first date with a pretty cool guy.
He takes you to Ruth’s Chris.
Dinner was great and yall had a really nice time.
The check comes and he looks at it startled and gets up with it and heads for the hostess stand.
You see him talking, words are exchanged and then he comes back to the table looking concerned.
You, of course, ask him if everything is okay because, again…he’s looking concerned.
He says he’d heard on the radio that there was a 3-course special for $39.99 and thought that was still going on but that it ended last week.
He doesn’t say anything else but he STILL looks EXTREMELY concerned.
What, if anything, do you do?
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
11:22 am
Ared, email me….
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
11:23 am
pardon me Simple Man, my statement started off with don’t know me at all and should have been followed by …I’ve had loads of dates that involved going to a homeless shelter serving food, at a science fair for inner city youth, etc.
IMO, women can ALWAYS tell what you are trying to IMPRESS her with…whether you are using your loot, your ambition, your passion, your humor, your sex game…a smart girl knows what guys are showing her to get her hooked.
It’s on you what you impress her with, it’s on her whether or not works
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:24 am
well said, diva!
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
11:25 am
kimmie,
Wise Diva, no fighting on the blog. LOL
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 26th, 2010
11:26 am
“I don’t understand the concept of a free date some money has to be spent somewhere it might not be dinner but gas to drive…”
Thank you, Chink… Glad to see someone gets it. That’s all most of the guys are trying to say. Wise, you may not have meant it that way, but when you make statements like this → “Fact: You don’t need money to date” you are going to get the response you are seeing today from the guys. Because that statement is patently untrue. You absolutely do need some level of disposable income to date if you are a guy. You don’t have to be a baller & you don’t have to try to buy your date’s affections, but dating most certainly is not free, especially if you are a guy. That’s all we’re saying…
blue®
October 26th, 2010
11:26 am
@Dreams – now i would have enjoyed that date, been thinking of getting into star gazing and all w/o children….with them its all “its a full moon, werewolves!!!” but two grown folks watching the alignment, that has potential….
@SexyC/Trevor – i agree that broke in wahtever sense, financial, spiritual, emotional, means you should be taking some time to heal whatever it is thats broke b4 you start bringing other people in. not necessarily have all the ducks in a row, but get that initial sting out the way, so that when you do meet someone, you have something to offer them – namely a person whos head is in the game not in whatever situation has you broke….
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
11:27 am
Voter – I will respond to your 1122a with this. I am not saying that I have not ever dated a man that was financially challenged. What I am saying is that as you learn better, you do better.
At this point in my life, I would not knowingly enter into a relationship with a dude whose got money issues.
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:28 am
Swiss – you are 100% correct with your 11:26 posts..
Kym
October 26th, 2010
11:28 am
In all seriousness It is convos like this that keep me on the sidelines..this is just too much.
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
11:29 am
Swiss – you are 100% correct with your 11:26 posts..
Vote – not necessarily. I’ll drive, I’ll spring for gas. What then?
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
11:29 am
well gee. Voter, thank you captain obvious! LOL All we can do on a blog like this is share our perspective and experiences.
Of course there are people out there that can refute or support what you read about here…and just because you don’t see or meet a certain type of woman/man doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
I can be cynical too but I’m pretty sure there is a grain of truth to everyone’s perspective. I just think the point is to see it from another perspective and don’t invalidate it just because, at least that is what I tend to get out of the dialogue.
evy
October 26th, 2010
11:30 am
some of my best dates have been things like driving up i-9, window-shopping in the antique markets upstate, just hanging out at the falls or on the bluffs feeding chipmunks and talking, baby-sitting friend’s kids at the park…it doesn’t take money to make a connection, and if a guy leans too heavilyl on that, alot of women wonder if there’s much (or any) more to him/the relationship. most women i’ve known are more into things that bespeak a personal interest in and (after enough time has passed for him to have acquired some)personal knowledge of her; anybody can spend money – even broke people; it’s the paying attention and caring that makes the difference.
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
11:30 am
Kym on the sidelines like Tony Romo or like Tavares Jackson, at any rate go get me some water..Im about to go in the game
Chink
October 26th, 2010
11:31 am
Pay for my portion of the meal and thank him for the outing…..
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:31 am
Sexycool, exactally, same goes for men. If a lady has had financial issues, cool, but as you grow you live and you learn. Woman in her 30’s, 40’s, should learn from the mistakes of her younger years. If she still doing the same dumb S (spending her dough on her hair but don’t have car insurance), then I can’t and won’t help you.
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:32 am
WD, Captain Obvious huh, then ACT like it. Why do we have to jump through hoops explaning things that seem so simple?
Luvbug
October 26th, 2010
11:32 am
I interpret broke as low income (living wage earner). Two low incomers can do alright together. I think it gets complicated when one wants to ride off the other or has higher/lower aspirations than the other. I can’t say that I am comfortable with a life goal of earning a living wage, but some folks are happy that way…when their limited financial goals are magically aligned…and other goals meet…they live happily ever after.
I find it hard to put a ‘should not’ on that one. IDK
Kym
October 26th, 2010
11:32 am
@Purple Rain how about on the sidelines that I am about to the point of taking Mr. M up on his offer of a return engagement.
White Man
October 26th, 2010
11:32 am
Voter good point.
Voter
October 26th, 2010
11:34 am
The obvious, a dude needs money to date. If he got a car, there is gas money, if he riding Marta (like the stud that catches WD eyes), then he needs marta money …