Are we spending too much on dating?
Forget what you’ve seen on those crazy reality shows. Hot air balloon rides, horse-drawn carriages, and weekend excursions are not needed to create romance or keep someone interested. I’ve been wondering about the attitude a lot of single people have when it comes to money and dating.
Fact: You don’t need money to date. You need a personality. If at any time you feel compelled to spend cash to keep someone interested, it’s a problem.
Of course women like to feel special. I won’t argue that, but most women I know feel special when a guy gives them eye contact and listens to her. That’s totally free!
Why does it seem as if we throw money at dating in hopes that it will get us better results? I’m not just referring to men, either. There are some ladies that are doing way too much for men that they aren’t in a relationship with because they have something to prove.
Do you ever think that you spend too much money on dating? If you had to guess, how much money do you think your dates have cost for this year?
What is the appropriate time for large purchases such as trips, jewelry, new pair of breasts (ha!), or cash should be gifted? When more money is spent on dating, does it create more expectations? Does more money mean more problems? Discuss.
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608 comments Add your comment
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
10:08 am
Excuse the typos..Looks Like I am typing woth a new set of fingers over here….
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:09 am
For all you “need to get a clue” male folk imma come out of pocket today and treat a man to a $$$ lunch. And not only that, imma chauffer him in my car. That’s right, the pinto is shined up so we can step out in style with the lunch crowd.
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
10:11 am
Kym
October 26th, 2010
10:11 am
@2C nope I would assume things are tight for you like everyone else..so I would say hey you wanna go catch a dollar movie over in Fayetteville? Popcorn on me.
@Swiss of course we all want someone to wine and dine us..but I can get that same feeling without going to the Sundial. Lord I know I am about to sound like Linus talking about the Great Pumpkin..but seriously if the dude is sincere and generally trying to get to know me and the conversation and personalities click..then I can work with that.
Kym
October 26th, 2010
10:12 am
because you know Atlanta is notorious for perpetrators.<<<<<<This needs to be repeated..
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:14 am
AmazonRed, mine. I have my own money darling.
blue®
October 26th, 2010
10:15 am
but some men have sex appeal oozing from their pores – exactly…i hit on a guy once working in a hospital kitchen. didnt seem like he was banking major money, but that appeal was crazy….
@swiss – So, no, you don’t have to be Bill Gates to date, but if you’re a grown man, you’d better have your finances in order, I’ll tell you that much… i think thats pretty much what the ladies have been saying all along. true there are gold diggers, but for the majority of us here, be mature about your money and the rest will fall where its supposed to. i wouldnt want a Bill Gates type anyway, id always be worried aout having my elbows on the table or using the wrong spoon…. isnt that what guys want, a chick who can handle her own, isnt strapping herself with crazy debt out of irresponsibility, but knows how to have a good time? does she have to be Oprah wealthy, or she needs to be able to pay her bills and keep the mani/pedi straight?
czBrat
October 26th, 2010
10:15 am
exactly, Kym. if it’s a first date, somebody should already have a plan in place. if you’ve been kickin it a while, what’s the harm in saying “we can’t do such & such this week cuz my funds are low”? cuz lil mama just might be perfectly ok with footin the bill. are you telling me you have never known a woman to step up like that?
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
10:17 am
Morning Ared… Ok…Maybe you ladies are the exceptions and all the rest of the ladies in the world want a guy that has his money right. Mind you I have not said anything about surprise trips to Miami or anything like that, but The fellas know that If you money is short your prospect are limited. Now I am sure every dude can call that lets go to the park gal ( lol) but how serious is that guy taken???
M. (pronouced M dot)
October 26th, 2010
10:18 am
@Wise & Everyone
So is it wrong if a woman immediately pays for the second date or after a while pays for some of the other dates?
I think this really shows her interest in you, but if the guy is always paying for every date, I dont think she is really that interested. You may be just a meal for her, an attention stroker, or just a transitional guy until something better comes along…
Blackfoote
October 26th, 2010
10:21 am
Morning:
Nice to know women here aren’t into the baller type, but there is a balance and it’s common sense if you have the means to go all out do it if you don’t take a break until you can but it should be expected by most men that women do like to be treated in a special manner whether that includes spending money or walking in park.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
10:23 am
you sure do Amazon! I retract my statement and stand corrected. These chumps with the exception of Amazon Red…:)
I don’t comment but I smile real big and say awww. that’s so awesome to see..LOL
I appreciate that you appreciate me
I am always so thankful for the support
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:23 am
I checked my account and it looks like it’s gonna be West Cobb Diner but still lunch date has been confirmed. LOL
Now I just need to call the sitter to see if I can drop the little lady off there.
Danggit I forgot about I have to pay the sitter. I guess it’s gonna have to be Panera Bread then.
DreamsMaterialize
October 26th, 2010
10:23 am
Ok…Maybe you ladies are the exceptions and all the rest of the ladies in the world want a guy that has his money right.
Simple whatever man. If tomorrow the topic is “Dating a Man Who Makes Lsess than You”, chicks would overwhelmingly state that they won’t date a man who makes less than they do. They may admit to having done it in the past, but wouldn’t do it now. I know this because we’ve had that as a topic before.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
10:24 am
your prospects for shady women are limited, that’s all. I think men don’t give themselves enough credit! Some of you can charm a woman with your steelo. Getchu some!
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
10:25 am
AmazonRed, mine. I have my own money darling.
No! What’s his is yours and what’s yours is his! I have spoken!
Kym
October 26th, 2010
10:27 am
@Simple..maybe you need to pick better..just saying.
blue®
October 26th, 2010
10:27 am
in all honesty (and i can see the men going “yeah right” while the women are agreeing), when i was dating and now that im married, i prefer the walks in the park, the picnic lunch, the candelight dinner at home to the night at red lobster, movie on opening day yada yada…why? cause it shows thought, it shows time and attention. the red lobsters and all to me is like the default date, theres no originality, nothing specific to the situation that you and i are developing. and id rather the time and thought than the $200 dinner….
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 26th, 2010
10:27 am
blue — I don’t think most guys care if a woman has money of her own, so long as she can be responsible with money (no matter where it’s coming from), but in general, yes, I’d agree that men & women are both looking for someone who is financially stable. And, that is completely reasonable.
Now, having said that, if Oprah came looking for a baby daddy, I might have to hit that…
YesSheIsCute
October 26th, 2010
10:28 am
@ simple my man doesn’t make a whole lot of money he just works A LOT of mandatory overtime which is why he makes more than double I do…not that I make a whole lot anyway. I hate to say it but you get tired of trying to “work” with a dude who doesn’t want to be “worked with” anyway. So just to cut the bs I don’t date dudes who live with their mama, content with being on unemployment until it runs out, etc. If that makes me a golddigger than I wear that. Wear it like a badge of honor. I work hard for mine and I want a dude with the same. Doesn’t have to have a lot but if he has nothing sorry bye.
Anyway what type of dude who is broke and has nothing to offer would want to date anyway? Any REAL man would want to be able to take his lady to a museum, to pappadeaux once in a blue moon, to the world of coca cola, to gatlinburg, to the state fare in perry, ga….but I digress. A real man who has nothing to offer is not going to date. The ones who do ain’t about nothing….
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
10:28 am
Maybe you ladies are the exceptions and all the rest of the ladies in the world want a guy that has his money right.
Simple – Just to clarify…we DO want a man with their money right…but it doesn’t mean they have to be rich. Truth be told, men with money make me a lil uncomfortable. Okay, a lot uncomfortable.
Look, growing up my Dad made money. Then a bad business venture left us broke. He took care of us still we just didn’t live luxurious anymore. Women want to know we’d be secure even if times are lean. There is a different in a guy who manages money well and a guy who is just a spend thrift.
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:28 am
DreamsMat, at what age should a woman expect a man to have his pockets together. Not rich and/or balling but together.
A man over 40 still penny pinching?
The right women aren’t asking to be swept away to Paris for the weekend, they are just asking that a man of a certain age be able to take her out and he get to enjoy a meal also. It’s the 20’s young men that are treating women to places (Joe’s, Red’s) that they can’t afford.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
10:31 am
and stop confusing the issue here. I am NOT saying date someone with no ambition, I AM saying date someone that knows how to get your attention without always using their WALLET.
Topic thesis: Your money should not be what is keeping her interested.
What is misconstrued: Women don’t date you with no loot
I get the sense that the topic is being confused for something that its not.
Do you see the difference or am I saying it wrong?
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
10:32 am
Three Words Daily – Take action. (Two Words Week)
YesSheIsCute
October 26th, 2010
10:33 am
@ DreamsMaterialize I’ve had the lean back happen to me on my birthday!!!! How you supposedly take me out for my birthday and do a “lean back”….I did the “lean back” remix and I did not pay regardless. Um no. You would be surprised dreams you would be surprised…
But more often than not I’ve had a guy previously state he wasn’t paying before we even started the date or by phone while arranging the date….usually don’t get far enough to do the lean back….
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
10:34 am
Oh and also, I have friends with student loan debts of $50,000+. Some even $100,000+. So I’m very aware that even if one is doing well…they are still digging themselves out of a hole…
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
10:34 am
“Truth be told, men with money make me a lil uncomfortable. Okay, a lot uncomfortable.”
Ok…You know I have to ask….Why does that make you uncomfortable????
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:35 am
WiseDiva, anytime money and dating is mentioned the comments will always flow downstream. Always.
I don’t know where these guys are meeting these women but they need to try fishing in a different pond.
Or the problem just may be the women that are not chasing men for his wallet are women that these guys will not give the time of day.
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
10:35 am
I am not attracted to “broke” and money is never an issue when dating because I never made it a priority. I like nice things but the bigger joy is having savings
As far as dating goes I like to do outdoors activities and I am drawn to those types. The only thing we are spending is our energy rock climbing, hiking, mountain biking, running etc. Some fruit, home made sandwiches and some water and we are happy. There are plenty of women out there who enjoy that type of thing and here’s the kicker guys…they are in excellent shape. 
It’s cheap, good for your health and once you are exhausted from the activity you feel that there is a bond because you both accomplished the same goal. Excellent way to get to know someone, there are other ways to sweat and bond besides the bedroom. Then when it’s time to go “out” that just makes the experience better.
Purple Rain
October 26th, 2010
10:36 am
I Am, sorry for locking you in. I thought I was alone.
Kym
October 26th, 2010
10:37 am
They are not confused..they have it stuck in their heads that all women are just alike..we all lie, well want a baller, etc..
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
10:37 am
Simple – Because men with money tend to treat women more like property or something to “acquire.” In addition, I don’t know how much they would trust a woman coming into the picture after they already have it made.
I’d rather be there when he was broke. I’d like to celebrate his rise to power with him as well as know I had a hand in supporting him while he was making it happen.
Celisea
October 26th, 2010
10:38 am
Kym – @Simple…I am with Wisey D it is all in the women you are approaching. I would be more willing to date the guy in the hatchback cause I could possible convince him to go camping than I could the dude in the 500SL.
Balance balance balance is key. I’m agreeing with the ladies. I don’t think any woman would deny a nice time but more than that, I don’t think any woman would pass up a man that’s better at a good time than a spending good time.”
DreamsMaterialize
October 26th, 2010
10:40 am
DreamsMat, at what age should a woman expect a man to have his pockets together. Not rich and/or balling but together.
A man over 40 still penny pinching?
Raqi Sure, a guy 30+ ought to be self-sufficient and be able to indulge at least a little. The topic isn’t about that though. Wise said you can date for free, and the men are calling BS on that. BTW, many penny pinchers end up millionaires. It may not be the type of dude you (not you specifically) like, but there are women who will appreciate that quality in a man.
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
10:42 am
It seems to me that the fellas and the ladies are missing each other on this one… You ladies keep giving us senarios that are cool when you have been dating for a while Like Raqi or blue doing neighborhood Chinesse with ther husbands of Cuteness going to movie with her guy that does all of the OT… But If a regular, nice guy walks up to WiseDiva and starts talking Dollar show…I do not believe she is going for it…
kimmie
October 26th, 2010
10:44 am
Good day mates!
Oh, the dreaded “money” topic again!
Maybe you ladies are the exceptions and all the rest of the ladies in the world want a guy that has his money right.
Simple – What is your definition of having “his money right”? Because my definition is a man that is financially responsible, that lives and dates within his means. That is secure enough with whatever his income to be himself and not feel he has to front and put on a show for folks that wouldn’t bring him a glass of water if he was thirsty! I think we would all agree that most women want a financially responsible guy. If you’re just talking about a wealthy guy, well of course it is nice, but every woman out there is not a golddigger. That’s just a fact.
I’ve gone out with a financially irresponsible man before and it was one of the worst dating experiences I have had. We did not go on elaborate dates at all. They were very simple, and yes I foot the bill sometimes. But he blew his money on material things he could not afford and let his student loans default. He lost 2 checking accounts in the course of the 2 years we dated. His credit was so messed up he could not sit for the bar exam, thus affecting his employment options. On 2 occasions when we were out his credit card was declined or he “conveniently” left his wallet home, so we had to leave the date. It was embarrasing – a 33 year old man.
So yeah, a man needs to have his “money right”, my definition, to date me.
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:46 am
DreamsMat, yes you can date for free. Not every date but there are things to do that are inexpensive. You have to know how to mix it up.
The problem is most of the men here more than not come off as the type looking for the Kardashian sisters but want her to be okay with Sunday afternoon ice cream at Cold Stone.
Get with the right kind of woman that will appreciate dating for less.
And I am not talking about frugal penny pinchers, I am talking about 40 year old men living paycheck to paycheck. He doesn’t have to be living large but at 40 he needs to at least have $40 to spare for a date without the worry of not having money to pay for gas the upcoming week.
Trevor0529
October 26th, 2010
10:47 am
Good Morning,
Let me see if I understand this. When it comes to dating, the men are saying most women want style over substance and the women disagree with that notion. The women are saying they prefer a date with substance over style and the men are disagreeing with that notion. Is this correct?
blue®
October 26th, 2010
10:48 am
@ARed – Truth be told, men with money make me a lil uncomfortable. Okay, a lot uncomfortable. – im with you, ime they do tend to have more of a view of property vs relationship. id tend to feel as if he suspected my motives from the jump. also, im just not comfortable with that kind of stuff, id prefer drinks at vortex over martinis and imax…just not my gig and i just feel out of place….
@Raqi/Kym – but they need to try fishing in a different pond. They are not confused..they have it stuck in their heads that all women are just alike..we all lie, well want a baller, etc – agreed. it seems again as if all women are painted with the same brush because thats the type theyve attracted thus far…plenty of us women who think along, imo, more reasonable lines….
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
10:49 am
There is a difference between penny pitching out of necessity and making a conscious choice to make frugal decisions about how you spend your money.
I am very much attracted to the latter. I like it that TheDude and I are on the same wavelength when it comes to our attitudes about spending money.
And for the record, I pay as often as he does when we hang out. Or actually, more to the point, when it’s my suggestion that we hang out, I’m the one that pays. Just makes sense to me.
But to answer the question posed – no, I am definitely not spending TOO much on dating.
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
10:49 am
Sooooo Let me get this straight…All thses years I have spent working and being smart with my loot to get to a point where I can enjoy life with watching the meter and now You ladies are telling me that you would rather have a up and commer???? Why does that not sound right to me???
Raqi
October 26th, 2010
10:50 am
SimpleMan, you just may be surprised at the number of women that are more than okay with going to the dollar show.
When the personality is there it does not take a bank of money to pull a good decent woman.
But when you lack personality, individual sex appeal and charm, then yes you just may be getting dates based on spending big.
If you are not finding quality woman that are willing to give you the time on a mere dime, then you need to check yourself.
DreamsMaterialize
October 26th, 2010
10:51 am
DreamsMaterialize I’ve had the lean back happen to me on my birthday!!!!
YesSheIsCute Ok that’s pretty horrible. Tell me where he kicks it, and I’ll rough him up a little.
I don’t know where these guys are meeting these women but they need to try fishing in a different pond.
Raqi and every time guys state their opinions on here, we get accused of only choosing bad women. We can do a roll call right now, and I bet every guy on here will say that he’s fished in every pond you can imagine, and some you can’t. Maybe we’ve dated women in your EXACT same pond.
AmazonRed™ - Cowboys lose. ha ha ha
October 26th, 2010
10:52 am
All thses years I have spent working and being smart with my loot to get to a point where I can enjoy life with watching the meter and now You ladies are telling me that you would rather have a up and commer????
But look at Tiger Woods. Everyone was dissing Ellen for getting as much money as she did cuz HE was the established one and made the money. Doesn’t matter that he CHOSE her and chose to give her a lifestyle.
You just never have to worry about you being burned for not bringing more to the table when you were there to help build the empire.
Melo!
October 26th, 2010
10:54 am
Do u ever think that you spend too much money on dating?
Too much is relative.
Good morning by the way!
Men need money in order to attract dates. Nothing new here.
Like 2Can said,the more you have the more options and plays you can have in a week for example.
U are certainly assured of going on more dates with more women if you have the means to spend on the ladies,whether it’s at Applebees or Fogo de chao.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
10:54 am
Simple Man you don’t know me at ALL. There are women who are impressed by “put it in the bag” men…and other women dig some things like character, humor, intellect.
I don’t spend time CONVINCING anyone which one I am, he should already know from how I present myself, how I respond to him, what reaction I give him. It’s really about what’s important to you.
I know Men who like/date/pursue women who are impressed by their money and power, it makes THEM feel some kind of way…I don’t judge those types either, whatever makes you happy. These are the women on their radar, no right or wrong to it, just what they’re in to.
Wise Diva
October 26th, 2010
10:55 am
But when you lack personality, individual sex appeal and charm, then yes you just may be getting dates based on spending big. <– THIS. Yes. All day, every day. Thank you and goodnight
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
10:57 am
I don’t mind going to the dollar movie if we CHOOSE to go to the dollar movie. However, I am probably going to give you the side eye if we HAVE to go to the dollar movie.
I find it much more attractive for someone who has it and chooses to spend it wisely as opposed to someone who doesn’t have it to spend in the first place.
Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!
October 26th, 2010
10:57 am
Maybe I need some clarification here…. I AM NOT A RICH MAN!!! But I will not do a dollar movie…. I like to go to nice places for dinner..When I go to a concert, or the Hawks game, I want to have the best seats availble..I hate standing in line so I will throw a little something extra to get seated quicker at a restaurant…Do you ladies consider that (To use Wisedivas term) “leading with your wallet?”
SexyCool
October 26th, 2010
10:58 am
Sidebar – I hate voice mail.