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Is it fair to judge their ex?

A bunch of friends of mine had an interesting discussion the other day about people we totally regret dating. Heaven knows I have a squad of some pretty interesting characters in my dating history. One of the guys mentioned that he thought that a long history of bad dating choices was a red flag for him. It made him wonder about the choices that were made.

Now we all have people that we probably should never ever, ever have dated. At the same time, isn’t it all a part of the whole “finding the one” process? You try on a couple of great shirts until the right one fit? You may rock a butt ugly shirt that does not compliment you for far too long, but does that mean you are doomed to be in ugly shirts forever?

Awful analogy aside, what do you think about a person’s past mate selections? Have you ever met an ex of someone that you were dating and were slightly horrified at their association?

Is it a good idea to introduce your current significant other to an ex? Should the two ever need to speak to each other? I vote no, but what do you think?

487 comments Add your comment

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
12:39 pm

“@Kym He didn’t know I did it. I went behind his back and did it…”

Sorry, but you’re making a case for your moniker. Do you see this as a form of “control?” I’m asking because if really wanted it back he would have asked for it. To let it remain with her, he resolved it with himself that’s its an item he’s willing to do without so as to not speak with her.

Must admit you took a chance. Glad it worked out for you and he didn’t blast you into next week. Some men are very moody when it comes to contacting their ex’s. He got his item back, you got a new friend and you still have your BF. Kudos!

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
12:42 pm

I would hate to think what I would have to deal with if TheDude had someone like her as an ex.

I grew up with something them “Hit-my-hand-I’m-the-baddest-man” chicks, running around bullying people. The only thing that would humble them kinda people was somebody taking them on in a schoolyard fight and beating the brakes off of them.

blue®

October 25th, 2010
12:42 pm

@Crazy – ok, i gotta ask, what exactly was it that you got from the ex that he was too lazy (aka didnt really want it in the first place, but liked complaining about how she didnt give it back) to get?

For Real

October 25th, 2010
12:43 pm

YSIC: That’s why ole boy only got 6 months but ole girl still ain’t learned her lesson. She remind me of those anti-PC people that want to say what they want but don’t want the consequences of what they say.

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
12:43 pm

Thanks Leggs! Boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up though. Nothing related to his ex wife though. He is just plain lazy. I just took charge of the situtation. I am glad it worked out as well. He was not too happy at first when he found out how I got the item but he called her and they talked and some unresolved feelings were let out and then resolved. Everything worked out great, Except that I am will probably keep her as a friend and kick him to the curb…

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
12:44 pm

@Blue it was a picture of a beloved family member who passed away.

For Real

October 25th, 2010
12:47 pm

“Except that I am will probably keep her as a friend and kick him to the curb…” – That’s some Freaky Jason ish right there!

Sweet Pea

October 25th, 2010
12:49 pm

I feel there is no need to meet the ex unless there are minor children involved as one would want to know what kind of s/o you have around their kids if there is something that could lead to something more serious then it’s no problem with me.

@Kimmie 12:05pm….tried this(your post reminded me of Will and Jada) and unfortunately, it did not work for me as the kids were grown and gone and supposedly their communication was about the grandkids who lived out of state. I tried to maintain my cool, however it was too much as I’ve never kept an ex as a friend and thought maybe I will see if I can handle it now…NOT too much communicating and my thinking was you two should have remained married which I told him and HE IS STILL IN DENIAL just like NEED ADVICE! I’m not insecure just cautious as Madear says…WATCH the actions spoke and you can’t move forward until you get old girl out of your system NEED ADVICE

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
12:50 pm

“Except that I am will probably keep her as a friend and kick him to the curb”

Ummmmmm..Hmmmmmmm…..How were you able to contact her??? Did he just happen to have her number lying around??

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
12:52 pm

SweetPea – I feel ya. Very special circumstances and situations. But most couldn’t deal with it. Especially when you know there are some underlying unresolved feelings still there.

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
12:55 pm

When I started living with my daughter,I was very civil to my ex and her relatives etc. They had lived with my daughte for ten good years so I had to be grateful for that.

However they turned out to be freaking jealousy bad foul mouthed people,treating my Queen as if she was the thief here.

So I had to put them in their place.
It’s always better to keep folks separate coz some people never let go!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
12:57 pm

“Except that I am will probably keep her as a friend and kick him to the curb…”

:neutral:

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
1:00 pm

@im swiss ~ psssttt, there’s lots of play cousins in African American families. It’s those people you grew up with me and are closer to you than your own family or are an equal part of your family but no blood ties…

@Voter ~ yes you do. And, to come and ask advice on what he should do cuz he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings is a BIG SIGN that he’s contemplating taking that risk. His Id, Ego and Superego is going to have him twiddling his fingers all alone watching the next football game!

@SimpleMan ~ you got me right in the nick of time. Would love to have lunch esp. since I’m in your area. How about that place in between Checkers and IHop? Cool? See you in 15.

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
1:02 pm

psssst Leggs….I think Blackfoote has stepped out…You wanna go somewhere and do lunch????

“@Kym He didn’t know I did it. I went behind his back and did it…

Blog family do anybody else know about this? ARed where are sweatheart. I’m going back to train tracks and kick some more rocks. Damn

blue®

October 25th, 2010
1:02 pm

@Crazy – ok, i could see that one, trying to do something nice for him. however “Except that I am will probably keep her as a friend and kick him to the curb…” reminds me of Friends, and how Ross’s wife made a female friend who turned out in the end to be the one she left Ross for….hmmm….

k, dropping Fred for a haircut, and lunch!

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
1:02 pm

Blackfoote….When did you get back???

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:05 pm

@Simpleman They are friends on Facebook…

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
1:07 pm

Crazy…What are the chances that he and the ex have been rabbit dancing all along????

Kym

October 25th, 2010
1:07 pm

Hmmmmm what’s Kym’s last name again?@For Real..don’t start joker..I am not going around popping caps like that.. unless you hurt my kid..then it’s on.

@Leggs..looks like you just got caught. Dang..@Blackfoote..if you like I can draw those papers up for you get you a package out today..for a small fee of course. No checks..

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
1:07 pm

Oh, and I’ve got to call BS on the whole “he’s just to lazy to go & get ____”… If the thing was that important to him, he would have got to get it. Apparently having it, to him, wasn’t worth the trouble of dealing with the ex. It’s good that you’re letting him out of Shawshank kicking him to the curb, though… Sounds like he’ll be better off, even if he doesn’t know it yet…

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:10 pm

@I’m Swiss you don’t know me from a two dollar bill. How do you know he is living in Shawshank?? It could be me living in Shawshank!!! Don’t judge unless you know the situation homie….

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
1:10 pm

NotCrazy. What makes you say he is lazy?

Kym

October 25th, 2010
1:10 pm

ex. It’s good that you’re letting him out of Shawshank kicking him to the curb, though… Sounds like he’ll be better off, even if he doesn’t know it yet…<<<This is the hardest I have ever seen Mr.G come out the box..You must have had extra Wheaties today!

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
1:12 pm

@SimpleMan ~ you got me right in the nick of time. Would love to have lunch esp. since I’m in your area. How about that place in between Checkers and IHop? Cool? See you in 15.

OH DAMN…..Killing me softly!

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:13 pm

@Sexycool he is lazy because all he does is sit on the couch and scratch and smell his naughty parts. Has a hard time working 8 hours… Thank God he has a good job but he is just lazy!!

czBrat

October 25th, 2010
1:13 pm

However they turned out to be freaking jealousy bad foul mouthed people,treating my Queen as if she was the thief here.

ok, melo. so you tried to do the right thing and those folks did not reciprocate. does that mean that going forward it’s a blanket mistake to meet or allow to meet exes and such in future relationships? just asking.

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
1:14 pm

I’m cracking up to see Blackfoote’s post right under mine as I’m walking out the door.

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
1:15 pm

Imnotcrazy??

U sound like those aggressive kinda chics who will literally grab a dude by the nutts just for him to mound you?

Like Swiss said,dude is lucky u moving along?

U dangerously and psychotically aggressive!

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:17 pm

I am wonderful and any guy would be lucky to have me!!!

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
1:17 pm

How long have you been in this relationship?

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:19 pm

Almost 2 years

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
1:19 pm

“psssttt, there’s lots of play cousins in African American families. It’s those people you grew up with me and are closer to you than your own family or are an equal part of your family but no blood ties…”

Leggs — Yeah… I think that happens in pretty much ever culture, except for my people… :lol: We tend to grow up either off the grid, like the Unibomber way out in the country, or in the ‘burbs behind gates & generally don’t trust (or like, in many cases) any “outsiders”… Oh, those silly crackers… :lol:

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
1:21 pm

Cz?!

To answer your question,I think I can relate to your own character on this issue. Coz I’m kinda like urself.

However,people and ex especially sometimes have agendas that u may not know of. Do it’s safer to operate from an arms length.

Especially female ex(exes). They can be freaking jealousy h03s!
Queen was guarded from jump but I was not,until I started to see how manipulative yet were on my daughter etc.

So I had to put them on a regimen.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
1:21 pm

How long has he been a lazy crotch scratching couch potato that doesn’t like to work?

Kym

October 25th, 2010
1:22 pm

@Im can I have my vest back you gonna need to load up on howler missles and some of those MIB weapons for this lot.

Sweet Pea

October 25th, 2010
1:22 pm

@Kimmie
Especially when you know there are some underlying unresolved feelings still there.

Yes, now moving right along as “x” now marks the spot! LOL

@ Melo It’s always better to keep folks separate coz some people never let go!

I totally agree if your current s/o is worth it and you care not to go back to the place from whence you came from.

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:23 pm

@Sexycool LOL Since we moved in together a year ago.

Kym

October 25th, 2010
1:24 pm

@Imcrazy..was he lazy and scratching when you met him? At what point did you just get sick and tired of being sick and tired of the scratching? **Seriously I am having a hard time with this whole story..**

Celisea

October 25th, 2010
1:24 pm

Leave exes, past relationships, flings,
whatever where they are. No need in dredging up stuff when it’s been laid to rest and ESPECIALLY when you have a pretty decent thing going. Now if folks just sorta happen to be all in the same place same time….introductions? Why not? No need being rude :)

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
1:25 pm

HELLO is there a doctor out there, I need a new heart fast the old I had been squished.

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
1:25 pm

@ simple man what is rabbit dancing?

Celisea

October 25th, 2010
1:26 pm

Needadvice reads like he’s still interested. 7 years….he should be long past

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
1:26 pm

@Kym I got sick and tired of it recently. I work 8+ hours a day, cook and clean and I am a full time student. I get tired of seeing him on the couch doing nothing but a scratch and sniff test. I have been very angry these past few months and have recently started lashing out at him. I feel like Amber on Teen Mom minus the physical abuse.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
1:27 pm

“<<<This is the hardest I have ever seen Mr.G come out the box..You must have had extra Wheaties today!"

Kym — Well, Wise tries to blacklist me anytime I post as my usual naughty, yet jovial self, so I guess now I’ll just have to entertain myself by being an [noun, referring to an argumentative or abrasive individual]. ;-) :lol:

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
1:28 pm

@Blackfoote ~ it was just lunch. Didn’t know I had to check with you on who I was going to lunch with, esp last minute lunch plans like this one! I swear to you, I am not dusting those shoes off this time!!!!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
1:28 pm

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
1:30 pm

Cuteness,Rabbit Dancing = relations…

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
1:31 pm

the whole scratch and sniff visual virtual reality was just too much for me….i think he would have been the goner the first time I saw such behavior. ugh disgusting…. do your thing girl

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
1:34 pm

Leggs – Girl, these blog husbands are very controlling, didn’t you know that? Good thing mine is overseas!! Cause I’m not “checking in” for nobody!!LOL!!!

Hmmm

October 25th, 2010
1:34 pm

Ok, I met a pretty decent guy. We were dating for a few months before he opened up about a past relationship that he shared for three years. He went on about how they were in love, he spent time with her kid, met the family and friends, etc. What got me was when he stated that this chick was married the whole time they were dating! They weren’t in a relationship; she was committing adultery, allowing you to spend time with their child while daddy was at work, and introducing you to family and friends for bragging rights. I had to drop his arse for that madness. WTH, how were you heartbroken over some foul mess like that, and why would you even care two cents about this chick, because I’m sure she’ll do the same to you too! I had to give the side eye and a quick goodbye on that note…