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Is it fair to judge their ex?

A bunch of friends of mine had an interesting discussion the other day about people we totally regret dating. Heaven knows I have a squad of some pretty interesting characters in my dating history. One of the guys mentioned that he thought that a long history of bad dating choices was a red flag for him. It made him wonder about the choices that were made.

Now we all have people that we probably should never ever, ever have dated. At the same time, isn’t it all a part of the whole “finding the one” process? You try on a couple of great shirts until the right one fit? You may rock a butt ugly shirt that does not compliment you for far too long, but does that mean you are doomed to be in ugly shirts forever?

Awful analogy aside, what do you think about a person’s past mate selections? Have you ever met an ex of someone that you were dating and were slightly horrified at their association?

Is it a good idea to introduce your current significant other to an ex? Should the two ever need to speak to each other? I vote no, but what do you think?

487 comments Add your comment

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
12:00 pm

Voter?

So u proposing that Needsadvice cuts it with his 7 year departed ex girlfriend?

and meanwhile I was thinking u are the good, pure girl that wants to clean the blog of all lane and foul mouthed talk? hmmmmmmmm!

Here :arrow: go that way to get your blog vest from that smiling young lady, Ms Leggs.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
12:01 pm

Sidebar – Cracker Barrel Beating – the more testimony I hear in this case, the more it seems like o’girl instigated that a$$ whoopin’ she got. And not saying that she deserved to get worked over like she did, but er um…the defense is painting her as having a reputation for being a betsy bad a$$.

http://www.ajc.com/news/clayton/victim-of-beating-at-690284.html

I’m just sayin’….

DJ Sniper

October 25th, 2010
12:01 pm

Kym, I don’t think the guy asked the gf to get the item back. Sounds like she took it upon herself to ask the ex-wife since she said the guy was too proud to do it.

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:02 pm

2C – Been in and out … It’s all good …

Kimmie – I get you, just seems like needsadvice is really needing it by that post he sent. Probably scared him away … some can take it, others can’t … I see this is for the grown-ups, leave the kiddie stuff behind.

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
12:02 pm

Crazy…If everything was ok with them, Why could he not get back whatever it was you guys were after???? I guess if it works for you, then cool, but If i were you, I would keep one eye open..at some point whatever caused their problems witll resurface….

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
12:02 pm

@Kym He didn’t know I did it. I went behind his back and did it…

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:03 pm

Melo, careful, you got the sexes mixed up … and all I said was there are diff types of friends, is that not a true fact?

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
12:03 pm

“He didn’t know I did it. I went behind his back and did it…”

and you say you’re not crazy…..ok.

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
12:04 pm

@Simpleman He is lazy that is why… it was something that ment a lot to him and I thought I would surprise him by getting it for him. She was really cool about it and it works for us now. I guess I am saying when mature adults are involved then it can work!

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
12:04 pm

@ NEEDSADVICE seems like he’s still pining after the 7 years otherwise he wouldn’t need advice about this situation. It’s a no brainer. $10 dollars says he has been over analyzing this and she shows up with a beau.

Kym

October 25th, 2010
12:05 pm

@I’m crazy..I see.. okay well tell you what I am going to go over here and go to lunch..now when I come back..nevermind..Leggs could you go ahead and unlock my T-plated blog vest the one for emergencies cause I think I’mnotcrazy is gonna need it.

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:05 pm

and MELO, I am not the one needing the advice or the direction.

For Real

October 25th, 2010
12:05 pm

I’mnotcrazy: but you like being close to it..

Kym: Yeah that’s one great lineup and I will go wherever he is playing. I’m going to see Sadie in Montreal.

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
12:05 pm

People do what works for them and all parties involved. Dealing with exes and past relationships and situations takes a level of maturity and sensitivity that some people don’t have. It depends on how and why the breakups occurred.

I have a play cousin that recently divorced after 10 years of marriage. They have 3 kids together. He has a new girlfriend and his ex-wife has a new man. He took a job in Florida, but comes up here periodically to see the kids and they visit him. They ALL – recently spent 4th July together – the exes & their newbies and the kids. Worked out all well.

A lot of folks could not handle that, and that’s okay too. Usually it’s just best to let sleeping dogs lie and make as clean a break of it as you can. Keep it moving.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
12:06 pm

Voter — Absolutely nothing wrong with FWB’s, or whatever you want to call it… but let’s just be honest about what the actual motivations are… If he’s looking to [have the opportunity to partake in intercourse] again, then more power to him. But just don’t frame it as wanting to be “friends” — because that does sound lame… just sayin’…

czBrat

October 25th, 2010
12:06 pm

2can, s/o is actually baffled because one of his closest friends is very good friends with his wife’s first hubs. s/o says he simply cannot understand being friends with your wife’s ex.

thanx DJ. i’ve always been a big believer that those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. i’m not talking about going out of our way to arrange ex meetups, but we also don’t go out of our way to avoid crossing paths with our pasts.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
12:07 pm

I think I just got sent to moderation. LOL! (will try agai)

Cracker Barrel Beating – the more I hear of the testimony, the more it seems like o’girl instigated that beating that she took. I’m not saying that she deserved to be worked over to the extent that she was. But…the defense painted her as a BestyBadAss. And even badasses get the brakes beat off ‘em sometimes.

I’m just saying…

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
12:07 pm

“He is lazy”

sure it ain’t more than that…..cause if it meant “that” much, then he woulda gotten it back himself….gon’ admit it, yo dude soft as hospital cotton!

For Real

October 25th, 2010
12:08 pm

“He didn’t know I did it. I went behind his back and did it…” – See?

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
12:08 pm

@Voter ~ he did say they ended on friendly terms, but it was all her idea. Sounds liked he “faked the funk” since he was truly devasted! Now, here’s a second chance for him.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
12:08 pm

kimmie — What is a “play cousin?” Sounds kinda fun… ;-) :lol:

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
12:09 pm

@ SEXY COOL that’s the defense’s job…to make her seem like she instigated it or somehow antagonized hm. It’s not in their best interest to paint her as a victim she was (they do it all the time)….

DreamsMaterialize

October 25th, 2010
12:10 pm

Dreams – You’re reading my mind again! Cause I thought about that too – in fact, that’s very likely to happen.
kimmie you can probably set your watch to this happening.

SexyC ‘ppreciate that info.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
12:11 pm

“I think I just got sent to moderation”

Oh, yeah…. PSA for anyone who gets “blog blacklisted” — just clear your cookies. Fort Knox, it ain’t… :lol:

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
12:11 pm

Crazy…You almost had me ready to tap out, but now I am again ready to put you on the crazy train….Not the part with the padded cells, but the part where they keep the drama queens…It seems to me that he had no real intrest in whatever YOU wanted from her, but you stired the pot and jumped in anyway…Now tell us, and be honest, How many degrees of hell are you going to raise when you find ot that the two of them have been talking and you were not included??????

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
12:11 pm

Voter?

sorry for the sex mix up..

To try and get your view point,tell me why it would be ok to give space to an ex of seven(7) years when u already have a girlfriend?

Why and how would their feelings be that prominent to u under any circumstance?

Unless u see see a phlucking window? :lol: or ex had u on some exotic Indian/budha sex romp and u missing it?

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
12:12 pm

YSIC – agreed which is why I worded it that way. However, when you have the following:

“She said two “very credible” witnesses said they saw Hill spit on West. The DA said Hill was, additionally, involved in two cases involving violent and verbal altercations and is currently charged with disorderly conduct from an incident this summer.

Hill is accused of threatening to shoot two boys, claiming they burglarized her home, Lawson said. “She threatened to put hollow-point bullets in their heads,” she said.”

Well….chick seems to have some issues.

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
12:12 pm

Swiss – LOL!!! Get your mind out of the gutter!! His mom & mine were best friends, like sisters. I call his mom “aunt”. We all grew up together. So he & his brother are like cousins. Yes, it was “fun” but in a much different way!! :)

For Real

October 25th, 2010
12:17 pm

“Hill is accused of threatening to shoot two boys, claiming they burglarized her home, Lawson said. “She threatened to put hollow-point bullets in their heads,” she said.” – Hmmmmm what’s Kym’s last name again?

blue®

October 25th, 2010
12:18 pm

@Simple – lmao, ok so im not the only one hearing Ozzy singing Crazy Train in here….How many degrees of hell are you going to raise when you find ot that the two of them have been talking and you were not included? seems kind of like a setup, dont it?

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:20 pm

Melo – Why he would try to give space, I can’t answer that. But it must of felt good to him for HER to call him with the pitch of hey, how ya doing, would like to see you, etc, etc. Hummm. Maybe it was all that …

Mr. Moe

October 25th, 2010
12:20 pm

Good afternoon blog, I see yall are going in on the advice guy lol…I’m with everyone else, its been 7 yrs so just keep it moving. If yall happen to meet up just be cordial…if you’re not thinking of going anymore holla at me and I’ll take those tix off your hands :D …YSIC how are you doing today?

On topic:I’m not trying to see an s/o’s ex under any circumstance unless a kid is involved. I did have a weird situation once where this girl I wasn’t even in a relationship with talked about me so much her bf wanted to meet me….

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
12:20 pm

Sexxcool?

I don’t know all the facts on the issue nor what prompted the beating but I saw a clip of chic crying in court!
Not credible.
She looked,to me, like she is a drama Queen.

@I’mnotcrazy?!

ur guy is very tender soft or u are drama and shytt starter to the power 5!

That’s his ex wife and your are a girlfriend!
Stay in your lane….seems that lesson is lost on most people.

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
12:21 pm

“Oh, yeah…. PSA for anyone who gets “blog blacklisted” — just clear your cookies. Fort Knox, it ain’t…”

pssst….there’s another way too….but I gotta keep that one under wraps in case I get booted…

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
12:21 pm

@Simpleman Whenever they talk he tells me. Which is not often because she is married with a child and the new hubsand doesn’t want her hanging around the ex. They were ground rules setup about this friendship that everyone respects. He truly is lazy though… He got a lot in the divorce settlement but never picked up his stuff… so she kept it….

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:21 pm

Leggs, right, maybe he wants to have the upper hand this time around, but you risk a lot playing those silly games …

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:22 pm

Swiss, you are right (frame it around friends), but do you honestly think he is going to come out and say anything else? I mean I know this is a discret blog and all, but still …

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
12:23 pm

@SEXYCOOL let’s say she did spit on him. The whoop up he gave to her was way beyond the means of simply defending himself. So he’s still legally liable for damages. From my self defense class I’ve learned that there’s a friction point in defending yourself when you get the aggressor off of you and unwilling to engage in further combat is the end. Anything in excess of that you could be liable for legally….

Also, I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt…i liken it to a person with wild sexual history…They still didn’t earn a rape just by being wild in that way or because they were dressed provocatively when it happened….

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
12:23 pm

“Whenever they talk he tells me. Which is not often because she is married with a child and the new hubsand doesn’t want her hanging around the ex. They were ground rules setup about this friendship that everyone respects.”

aha!!! I get it now…..all y’all asses crazy!

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
12:23 pm

Voter?
and it’s on HIM to say,’Thanx,but no Thanx, I am in a good place tight now’

But then again, I’m not denying him good ol pudy if that’s what he wants!

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
12:26 pm

Ok….If you really believe that he and her are telling you and him every time they talk, you are blind as you are crazy……

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
12:27 pm

@ Mr Moe I’m ok how are you? Weekend was too short…. :cry:

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
12:27 pm

“They were ground rules setup about this friendship that everyone respects.”

when swinging goes wrong!

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:29 pm

Melo, we on the same page … lol … I can’t believe I spent all morning discussing that …uggg … Go forth and Rock the Vote ..

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
12:29 pm

Cute 12.23!?

Stop that!

U spit on me when we having an argument, u getting a generous best down!

I make the rules and the courts will decide my punishment.

Like that councilman that called the other black guy’ cotton’ something…if it were me ge would have regretted that.
Talking about a Bach hand swift punch in the mouf.

Sometimes a man gotta show he’s a man!

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
12:30 pm

Dreams – Think about it. It’s been 7 years. That’s almost like being upset because your college sweetheart that you haven’t seen since graduation shows up to the 10 yr class reunion married with kids! What do you expect has been going on all these years? Or what’s been going on with YOU?!!!

Voter

October 25th, 2010
12:30 pm

Check my 8:53 … Power to the People …

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
12:32 pm

psssst Leggs….I think Blackfoote has stepped out…You wanna go somewhere and do lunch????

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
12:38 pm

Again, YSIC, I stated that she did not deserve to be worked over to extent that she was. And I agree that he should perhaps be made to pay her for that butt whoopin’ he dished out. However, she appears to be culpable in this matter as well.

You can’t just run up on folks, threatenin’ them and spittin’ on ‘em and expect them to do nothing. EVERYbody ain’t scared of her crazy behind. Seems like with just what she has been involved in THIS YEAR ALONE that she was spoiling for a fight, either promoting her @s$-whooping abilities or campaigning for the one she got. And based on that alone, I say…..”Be careful what you ask for.”

Mr. Moe

October 25th, 2010
12:39 pm

YSIC I’m good. This weekend was definitely too short