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Is it fair to judge their ex?

A bunch of friends of mine had an interesting discussion the other day about people we totally regret dating. Heaven knows I have a squad of some pretty interesting characters in my dating history. One of the guys mentioned that he thought that a long history of bad dating choices was a red flag for him. It made him wonder about the choices that were made.

Now we all have people that we probably should never ever, ever have dated. At the same time, isn’t it all a part of the whole “finding the one” process? You try on a couple of great shirts until the right one fit? You may rock a butt ugly shirt that does not compliment you for far too long, but does that mean you are doomed to be in ugly shirts forever?

Awful analogy aside, what do you think about a person’s past mate selections? Have you ever met an ex of someone that you were dating and were slightly horrified at their association?

Is it a good idea to introduce your current significant other to an ex? Should the two ever need to speak to each other? I vote no, but what do you think?

487 comments Add your comment

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
11:09 am

cuteness…..it ain’t the devastation thats making him lame……but 7 years later??? like Melo said, ‘ol girl musta had that “snapper”!

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
11:10 am

Cuteness…. IT’S BEEN 7 YEARS!!!!!!Thats not devastated,,thats pathetic!!!

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
11:13 am

Simple Man…..she musta been one of those that y’all say, “had his nose wide open!” one of them, let’s do it with the lights on, type……dude prolly got “bricked up” just hearing her voice….yeah, he’s still smitten..

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
11:15 am

Cutie?!

u hear how Trey songs says he discovered sex?
All young guys have been on that situation. If a high school dude gets confused by a high school break up,I can sympathize. An adult dude? Not so much,in fact I would put them in the lame category!
Saddened yes,and for a couple of days after it’s over.I can give u that.

Devasted??? Get the FOHere!

For Real

October 25th, 2010
11:15 am

What up blog fam…….

Yes you can judge a person on their dating choices. The choices that one make concerning the opposite sex speaks volumes about that person. If the last 10 dudes you have dated all have 6 babies by 7 different mothers then how far off target would I be when I assume you like drama and reckless men?

needsomeadvice: Dude, really…. 7 years and you somehow believe you have an issue???? Okay, Imma hit you in mouth with what you are really asking, After 7yrs you still hurt over being dumped and now you want a chance to sex your ex and dump her cause you think you the ish now. Look leave new girl home and get your closure. Just be ready for the aftermath.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
11:21 am

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:24 am

Question – What is the singer & the name of this song that’s out that says “No way in he— we can be friends. No, we can’t be friends.” It’s a slow song. It sounded a little like R Kelly, but it’s not him. I think it may be Trey Songz but I don’t know.

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
11:24 am

@kimmie ~ EXACTLY…That would be an excellent topic.

***PSA*** For those playing the kitty, thought I give you heads up, $5,303 is too low, but $6,103 is too high.

Carry on!

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
11:25 am

needsomeadvice….

Why even bother returning the call? When you see her, speak. Be cordial. And keep it moving.
(It’s so not that deep.)

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
11:25 am

Howdy everyone! I am currently dating a guy.. well for this hour atleast…. I ended up meeting his ex wife a couple of months ago and we became friends. We are now friends on Facebook. She is a good person and he is actually still in touch with her as well. People may think it’s strange but I don’t care. I got a new friend out of the deal.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
11:26 am

needsome – sounds like you are Taye Diggs caught in the remake of The Best Man.

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
11:26 am

I hope dude is getting the message to go on with life showing the new girl his affection.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
11:26 am

Morning, folks.

On topic: Like it or not, every choice you make in life reflects on you, good or bad. Of course, we’ve all made bad decisions, but hopefully when you look at our full body of work, you will see a trend of better decision-making over time. So, is it fair to judge someone on their past decisions? Absolutely, because that is the best available indicator of the quality of future decisions.

Now, as far as introducing your current to an ex… WHY? Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Move on. Unless there are children involved, I’ve never seen a good reason to keep an ex in the picture.

needsadvice — Dude… Let’s cut to the chase: What’s your real motivation for wanting to bring the ex back into the picture after 7 years? Because, honestly, I can think of only 2 possibilities:

1) You’re still pining for this chick.

2) The [intercourse] was so good, you’re willing to risk your current relationship for an outside shot at [copulating with] the ex again.

Don’t give me the “just want to be friends” crap, because no dude needs or wants a chick friend & anybody who’s been out of the picture for 7 years is clearly someone you don’t really need in your life.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

October 25th, 2010
11:28 am

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
11:29 am

I’mnotcrazy ….Oh, yes you are!!!

Mo (aka Moeisha - I so hate Mondays)

October 25th, 2010
11:29 am

Kimmie – that is Trey Songz

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:30 am

Mo – Thanks! I thought so.

i'm swiss

October 25th, 2010
11:30 am

Morning, folks.

On topic: Like it or not, every choice you make in life reflects on you, good or bad. Of course, we’ve all made bad decisions, but hopefully when you look at our full body of work, you will see a trend of better decision-making over time. So, is it fair to judge someone on their past decisions? Absolutely, because that is the best available indicator of the quality of future decisions.

Now, as far as introducing your current to an ex… WHY? Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Move on. Unless there are children involved, I’ve never seen a good reason to keep an ex in the picture.

needsadvice — Dude… Let’s cut to the chase: What’s your real motivation for wanting to bring the ex back into the picture after 7 years? Because, honestly, I can think of only 2 possibilities:

1) You’re still pining for this chick.

2) The [intercourse] was so good, you’re willing to risk your current relationship for an outside shot at [copulating with] the ex again.

Don’t give me the “just want to be friends” crap, because no dude needs or wants a chick friend & anybody who’s been out of the picture for 7 years is clearly someone you don’t really need in your life.

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
11:31 am

How am I crazy Simple Man?

DreamsMaterialize

October 25th, 2010
11:32 am

Morning

C I’ve seen that scenario a few times. I’ve never seen it end well for the chick playing that game though. In the end she usually ends up being given the garden tool award for the night.

needsome what happens if ol’ girl shows up with HER new side piece? I don’t think you ready for that…

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:32 am

SCool – I thought the same as your 11:25. So not a big deal unless you make it one!

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:35 am

what happens if ol’ girl shows up with HER new side piece?

Dreams – You’re reading my mind again! Cause I thought about that too – in fact, that’s very likely to happen.

Kym

October 25th, 2010
11:35 am

Off-Topic..Prince is going to have the following folks on his tour..

Janelle Monae, jazz singer Cassandra Wilson, R&B group Mint Condition, Lelah Hathaway, Sheila E, Esperanza Spalding and James Brown’s legendary saxophonist Maceo Parker.

I can’t wait for this slice of music heaven..I am taking my son..it will be his first real life concert outside of festivals..might as well make it great. Sorry had to get that Out.

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:37 am

Kym – I MUST check that out! Music heaven, yes!

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
11:38 am

Crazy….Folks don’t get divorced for nothing…What ever the reason is, you would have to be a little off to invite a person that was that close into the circle of people that you now deal with….

czBrat

October 25th, 2010
11:40 am

Crazy, very glad to hear it. always good to know more good people in my book. doesn’t mean you’re going to sit around comparing stories of sexual exploits with the guy you have in common. doesn’t mean you’ll be lifelong BFFs. no harm in knowing an ex as long as everyone can be grown up about it. but like i said before, that’s just how I see it.

Voter

October 25th, 2010
11:41 am

Bloggers, really, name calling? The dude asked for some advice, and your response is to think the dude is lame?

Sexycool, you said it like I said it, keep it moving … Maybe dude is not as skilled as some of the other cats and is a bit confused.

Didn’t yo mamma teach you that if you don’t have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all ..

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
11:42 am

DreamsMat – On that Gabby’s Garden deal, if you mention the code Gabby10, you will receive a 10% discount off the price.

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
11:43 am

OK Crazy…Who initated the contact, you or her????

Voter

October 25th, 2010
11:44 am

correction, don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all …

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
11:44 am

Voter, that’s how we get down ’round these parts……straight, no chaser….

Mo (aka Moeisha - I so hate Mondays)

October 25th, 2010
11:44 am

Kym – I SO have to got to be there for that concert!! OMG! Music at its finest!

:-)

October 25th, 2010
11:45 am

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:46 am

Voter – Folks have been called much worse on this blog. Lame is actually quite mild. People don’t tip-toe on here. Not making excuses, just saying.

i'm swiss™

October 25th, 2010
11:47 am

Morning, folks.

On topic: Like it or not, every choice you make in life reflects on you, good or bad. Of course, we’ve all made bad decisions, but hopefully when you look at our full body of work, you will see a trend of better decision-making over time. So, is it fair to judge someone on their past decisions? Absolutely, because that is the best available indicator of the quality of future decisions.

Now, as far as introducing your current to an ex… WHY? Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. Move on. Unless there are children involved, I’ve never seen a good reason to keep an ex in the picture.

needsadvice — Dude… Let’s cut to the chase: What’s your real motivation for wanting to bring the ex back into the picture after 7 years? Because, honestly, I can think of only 2 possibilities:

1) You’re still pining for this chick.

2) The [intercourse] was so good, you’re willing to risk your current relationship for an outside shot at [copulating with] the ex again.

Don’t give me the “just want to be friends” crap, because no dude needs or wants a chick friend & anybody who’s been out of the picture for 7 years is clearly someone you don’t really need in your life.

Voter

October 25th, 2010
11:48 am

2C … Then I guess I need to go in on some folks cause some of the stuff I’ve been reading is … I’ll leave it alone …

Kym

October 25th, 2010
11:48 am

@Kimmie and Mo..he hasn’t announce tour dates yet..but when he does..if Atlanta is not on there..I am going to where his Purple badness will be…this is not a sit down type of concert so I can’t have lame folks around me.

blue®

October 25th, 2010
11:49 am

ok, has the needsadvice guy just disappeared or something? lol

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
11:49 am

@ melo 2cptg and simple man….I get the point. I went back and re-read it…

Voter

October 25th, 2010
11:51 am

Swiss … Obviously, he definitely still has feeing’s for the chicka, but he did say they ended on friendly terms.. So what’s wrong with just wanting to be friends? Friends can be cut buddies … friends with benefits, plenty of diff types of friends..

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
11:51 am

@im swiss ~ see my 10:52. Her fragrance is still under his nose!

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
11:52 am

Voter…..get in where you fit in, bruh….is this your first time stumbling onto this blog?

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
11:52 am

Oh…and needsome, as to o’girl, in today’s social network influenced society, everybody that you’ve always known somehow shows back up in your life. And she really could be just looking forward to seeing you because she appears to not have any bad memories associated with you.

Or…it could have been kind of a *heads-up* for you since you were “devastated for a couple of years.” (Why am I thinking Will Smith and Hitch now?)

Luvbug

October 25th, 2010
11:52 am

Is it fair to judge their ex?

No, but I will judge his decision making.

I don’t want to be the first person you’ve dated who aint mistreated you. For all I know, that could be your type, so it would make me more cautious about our longevity…especially if you start exhibiting male abuse syndrome…checking up on me…assuming I’m a liar off the bat and being openly mistrustful…accusing me of stuff out of no where…quizzing me…telling me ‘every woman is this or that way’.

Nope, not gone be able to do it.

I'mnotcrazy

October 25th, 2010
11:52 am

@Simpleman I got in contact with the ex wife because she had something of his that he wanted back but he was too proud to ask her. So I asked her and got the item back. We started talking and found out we had some things in common. The boyfriend didn’t like it at first but it’s not like we talk on a daily basis. They have been divorced for 3 years and she already remarried and had a baby so she is not trying to win him back.

DJ Sniper

October 25th, 2010
11:53 am

I’m like czbrat; I don’t have an issue with meeting ex’s. Hell, my wife was roommates with one of her ex’s when we first met (he had another gf at the time that was pretty much living with him and they are now married) and my wife has met a couple of my ex’s. In all situations, all parties were cool, so there was no drama.

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
11:56 am

crazy…..only females do stuff like that…..dudes ain’t bout to be friends with our SO’s ex…..don’t care how much we have in common…just doesn’t happen…

SexyCool

October 25th, 2010
11:56 am

I don’t think calling someone lame is name calling. I think of it more as a descriptive term. LOL!

Mo (aka Moeisha - I so hate Mondays)

October 25th, 2010
11:56 am

Kym – I feel the same way, I will have to go to where he is…I cannot miss that! Thats a helluva line up!

Kym

October 25th, 2010
11:59 am

Okay..I have to ask..why in the world would a guy send his girlfriend to ask his ex-wife to get something back for him. That just doesn’t sound right at all. I mean how valuable was this something? Nevermind that is not important but that situation just sounds off.