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Is it fair to judge their ex?

A bunch of friends of mine had an interesting discussion the other day about people we totally regret dating. Heaven knows I have a squad of some pretty interesting characters in my dating history. One of the guys mentioned that he thought that a long history of bad dating choices was a red flag for him. It made him wonder about the choices that were made.

Now we all have people that we probably should never ever, ever have dated. At the same time, isn’t it all a part of the whole “finding the one” process? You try on a couple of great shirts until the right one fit? You may rock a butt ugly shirt that does not compliment you for far too long, but does that mean you are doomed to be in ugly shirts forever?

Awful analogy aside, what do you think about a person’s past mate selections? Have you ever met an ex of someone that you were dating and were slightly horrified at their association?

Is it a good idea to introduce your current significant other to an ex? Should the two ever need to speak to each other? I vote no, but what do you think?

487 comments Add your comment

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
10:08 am

Was’t finished.

On-topic ~ I believe my ex-husband felt the same because when he saw his ex-wife in a mall while we were shopping, he ducked in some random store leaving me bewildered. What a wuss!

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:09 am

Wait C tha 1…if they don’t know they dated her..what’s the harm..I mean why is that problem again? No harm..no foul.

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
10:10 am

I have no problems with strippers, Kym that did hurt bringing up the Aint’s.

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
10:10 am

How can I come in here and not greet my hubby! Good morning (muah)!

blue®

October 25th, 2010
10:11 am

dating a stripper – what difference does it make, strippers are people too. now, crazy stripper who lost her job for tricking, was always on antibiotics, and has a tendancy to always “happen” to be wherever you are, thats something i need to know. but just a stripper, makes me no never mind

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
10:11 am

kimmie, Generally speaking, dudes have no problem admitting that we have sleep with stripper, and in alot of cases use it as a position to brag about, but again generally speaking won’t admit to having caught feeling for the same stripper. I guess it feeds the idea that one would have to be a sucker to fall for a person whose source of income is driven from their ability to sell a dream to guys…I won’t speak for the ladies but guys don’t want i know that their girl goes by the stage name of Alize’…

blue®

October 25th, 2010
10:13 am

@kimmie – yeah, stalking exs, that i need to know. other than a few specific situations, i think more often than not too much discussion on exs just causes unnecessary problems

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
10:16 am

Leggs:

Good morning my dear, I worried about your safety on the highway today. It wasn’t raining when I left.

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
10:17 am

I’m good, Mo, darling……shouldn’t I get a g’morning kiss……Leggs gave her hubby one….

Mo (aka Moeisha - I so hate Mondays)

October 25th, 2010
10:21 am

2CPTG -MMMMMUAH! All for you, you know Im not a morning person and had to pull it together first. :wink:

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
10:22 am

:lol: :lol: Gotcha thinking about my safety in inclement weather…how sweet! :lol: :lol:

C tha 1

October 25th, 2010
10:23 am

Kym the problem is that her friend had the nerve to even pull that and think everything is okay. Sure all her exes are her friends and have no claim to her. I just naturally place myself in each dude’s position. There is no way in hell I would allow an ex to place me in a social experiment (parties/get togethers) where everybody gets along and I chat up some dude about the football game when we both scored on the same field. Sorry not happening.

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:29 am

@C tha 1..okay time out. Maybe I am missing something. She invited three guys she has dated..and possible been intimate with to her gathering. And you are saying that she should have told each of them that other guys she may have been intimate were going to be there..and because she didn’t tell them that was wrong? Okay how was it wrong? I mean what is the worst that could happen if they found out?

blue®

October 25th, 2010
10:33 am

@Kym – I mean what is the worst that could happen if they found out?
ok, channeling mr.blue here – either propositions to the hostess for some kind of orgy type thing, or brawl in the driveway cause somebody hinted that somebody else must not have been able to “handle” her….either way, make for some interesting stories to tell next time she sends out invites for a party at her place…..

Wise Diva

October 25th, 2010
10:34 am

I dated an “exotic dancer” before! Don’t judge me, dude had moves LOL

@ms_jones74

October 25th, 2010
10:37 am

I don’t want to meet his ex. I don’t want him to meet mine. To me, that’s just showing off… “look! I got over you! See! I found someone else!” Unnecessary. I also don’t stay friends with exes, so I think introducing someone to someone I never talk to would seem weird and totally transparent.

C tha 1

October 25th, 2010
10:38 am

Kym there is technically nothing wrong with it. Personally, I wouldn’t be down with it either way. I should mention mention that I’m not a proponent of remaining friends with an ex. That’s just me. I just found it to be odd that three dudes all kicking it Bro Man style with the common denominator (the hostess) and her friends all getting a big kick out of the situation.

needsomeadvice

October 25th, 2010
10:38 am

Ok – here is a dinger – I’m going to the Georgia/Florida game next weekend with my new girl friend of ~4 months. Out of the blue this weekend my Ex. left me a voice mail saying she would love to see me and all our tailgating bulldog friends at the GA/FL game. We split on good terms but it was all her idea – heck – I was devastated for a couple years after the split. Any how – I’d love to see her as it’s been nearly 7 years but I’m willing to bet my new girlfriend would not like this at all. So here is the deal that I need help with – I want to call my ex back and tell her the truth – that my new girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate her being there. I’d like to do this with out hurting her feelings as I’d like to stay on good terms with her. Any suggestions on how to break it to her?

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:39 am

@blue..Oh good grief..men folk time out? You really think that by going to party like this..a brawl could break out? For what..you not with her..he’s not with her..so what do you care if he made her say owww? Okay to clarify..I am not in anyway interested in meeting someone’s ex..but if it happen and I didn’t know I had met the ex…well then Scooby Doo got away with it…if I did find out I am not going to go loopy and call her out like Bernice the Kid..why..cause he got with this and this is where it’s at.

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
10:40 am

Leggs darling it will be my duty to secure your safety at all times at any cost.

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
10:42 am

advice seeker…..dude, you’ve moved on! so just tell the ex….who cares if you hurt her feelings; shyt, she hurt yours when she dumped you…..no need to rekindle any subdued emotions…

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
10:42 am

I don’t know about dating a stripper but I dated one guy who dated a woman who looked like she could be the poster child for l’oreal in the middle east. She was beautiful and I was trying to figure out his purpose in dating me after dating THAT. Needless to say I ended up figuring out why he was dating me and it wasn’t my brilliant clever personality either. Lucky for me he didn’t get any so all’s well that ends well :D

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
10:45 am

advice seeker….dude, keep it movin! you say you’ve moved on, and got a new girlfriend….so keep it that way. when she says “she wants to see you,” in what way? You say it took you several years to get over her, then ain’t no need in rekindling old emotions….

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:45 am

@needs..what you typed here sounds good to me. Hey ex girl..current girl would not be cool with me meeting you at the tailgate..sorry. Sounds good to me.

@Wisey..no one is judging you..if we all opened up our closets of silliness no telling what might fall out..There was this one guy who could have been a stripper…but I digress.

C tha 1

October 25th, 2010
10:45 am

Needsomeadvice just tell your current girlfriend that you found out that your ex is coming to the GA/FL game and will drop by you and your friends’ tailgate. It’s not like you invited her. Just introduce the two when it happens.

Voter

October 25th, 2010
10:46 am

Needsomeadvice – My suggestion, tell the EX that you are going to the game with your lady and that while it would be good to see her, you don’t want to make it an uncomfortable situation. Thanks for checking on a brotha, I appreciate it. Take care.

C tha 1

October 25th, 2010
10:46 am

Or you could keep it simple and do what 2CPTG says.

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:46 am

Okay apparently I can’t type the s word..

blue®

October 25th, 2010
10:46 am

@Kym – keep in mind that, as its been explained to me, they would say dude who made the sly comment was the childish one, not whoever threw the first punch (cause we’d look at them all as childish)

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
10:46 am

Morning folks!

C tha 1?!

Ur wife’s friend is a weirdoo!
How u gon deliberately put ur exes in one room like that.
Shytt starter she is!

How does a man get devasted over a girlfriend break up? I don’t get that. A girlfriend,not wife!

Some if uall men(?) are just lame!

PrincessNik

October 25th, 2010
10:47 am

Morning all!

off topic: WAR EAGLE!!!!! Great Weekend!

ON topic: As small as the world is the ex and the newbie probably know each other or have been exposed to each other before having “you” in common. Now, i can say you probably won’t catch me trying to introduce them to each other, unless its to my daughters father……

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
10:49 am

“Okay apparently I can’t type the s word..”

me either…..got me feeling like them NFL players….gotta refrain from goin in “head first”…..

C tha 1

October 25th, 2010
10:49 am

Okay Kym the big deal is all three dudes are being laughed at behind their backs through passive/agressive manipulation.

Blackfoote

October 25th, 2010
10:51 am

Kym:

I’m riding the train with you, I wouldn’t care one how many dudes she had at the party my reason for being there would be for entertainment not a boxing match.

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
10:52 am

@needsomeadvice ~ perhaps it’s me, but that sounds punkish that you’re wondering how to tell your ex of 7 years that your new gf would not like the idea. Heck, call her and thank her for the invite, but you’ll going to the game with your gf and you hope her and her crew have a good time! Why are you even contemplating a good way to break the news unless you want to be able to call her up later with a different type of offer since you say you would “love” to see her”?? Those feelings have been dormant for the past 7 years, but they haven’t died!! Let sleeping dogs lie.

Wise Diva

October 25th, 2010
10:52 am

ok so creatively spelled cuss words will put you in the filter, so um yeah.

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:53 am

But wisey I didn’t cuss. Not once today even in real life..I said stripper..and stress. I get in the filter for those words?

Kym

October 25th, 2010
10:54 am

Okay I get it Wise. I can’t call you by my nickname for you. That is what all the post have in common.

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
10:55 am

needsomeadvice – Why would you love to see her? Why are you concerned with staying on good terms with her? Sounds like you’re not over her. Because if you were, it should not be a big deal. It’s been 7 whole years, you both should have moved on by now. You have a girlfriend, she should have a boyfriend or at least dated some since the breakup. What’s with the “I don’t want to hurt her feelings” after 7 years? It would hurt her feelings to know you’ve moved on after 7 years?

Should be a non-issue.

Simple Man 2.0...New and Improved!!!!

October 25th, 2010
10:56 am

needsomeadvice …Which one is cuter???? LOL Just joking…
The question you need to ask yourself is where are things headed with the current? If you see a future, tell the old girl to keep it moving…If the current is just transitional, use it as a chance to knock something off the bucket list….

Melo!

October 25th, 2010
10:57 am

Morning!

Needsdvice?

Let ur ex come join you and your new boo and just watch and see who gets offended between the two of them.

U might even get a ménage after the game,who knows?

7 years and u still pining for her!

Either she gotta it like that or u Lame!

I pick Lame!

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2010
10:59 am

Diva….off topic….you still work at that one place (where they do research?) My cousin works there….know of any chic named Selicia? (not sure of her new married last name)

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
10:59 am

Either she gotta it like that or u Lame!

I pick Lame!

Melo – You’re a nut, but I agree!!!

Kym

October 25th, 2010
11:00 am

@Ctha1..oh ok..well then yes I can see why you are offended. If she was just running a game..testing whateva. Sounds like a silly game to me.

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
11:01 am

@kimmie ~ I see we are on the same page!

Da_Man!

October 25th, 2010
11:01 am

I don’t see a problem with exes meeting, given the situation. However, randomly meeting each other and an introduction where they are having some type of prolong conversation are completely different.

I think a bigger problem is when folk make it a quest to introduce exes to let the other know how they may have moved on or “check out what I’m dealing with now” type B.S.

SWWC … Just keep it moving!

Leggs ™

October 25th, 2010
11:04 am

It’s amazing how needsomeadvice is pratically salivating and willing to walk into nonsense all for memories of yesteryear. And some of you say, we women keep BS going!

kimmie

October 25th, 2010
11:04 am

Leggs – That situation and today’s topic should be entitled “Creating Problems When There Are None”!

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2010
11:07 am

@ Melo why a guy gotta be lame if he is devastated after a breakup?

blue®

October 25th, 2010
11:09 am

@Leggs/kimmie – lmao, good call…
@needsadvice – wth dude? you have a new gf, that should be the end of it. unless, as has been mentioned, you’re not over the old one. if thats the case, let newbie go, and do what you do. orrrr tell old girl you have new girl, if you happen to see her, be civil and make sure new girl knows she comes first. but this sounds, imo, like trying to play em both…make a decsion already…