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Date number 3

It’s always a great thing when you manage to get through two dates with someone and you still want to see them. It seems to be when you get a clear idea about what kind of person you are seeing and how compatible you are.

Do you think that the third date determines if you two have a real shot at something? I ask because it is the “representative” that people show on dates 1 and 2. Once you get past the awkward moments and weird conversation then you could move on to the good stuff.

This also seems the date that something physical happens. I always get tickled at the suggestions for date three because it usually includes some activity that just screams “romance”.

A guy friend once told me that women should tell men if they aren’t wasn’t in getting intimate with a guy by date three. He thinks men have expectations because they have invested significant time with someone.

Women have expectations as well, is it relevant to men how comfortable we are feeling with them at this point?

Who usually brings up the topic of sex and intimacy when you are dating someone?

215 comments Add your comment

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
8:56 am

g’morning…..

so Date 3 is the defining moment??? Never knew that…….I always thought it was “whenever”…..

and who brings it up? usually her….

Chevygal

October 20th, 2010
9:06 am

Morning all…..I didn’t realize there was a defining moment either. Thought you just went with the feeling and let things take their course.

@2C – I do disagree here…I’ve always found it to be the guy bringing up the subject. I guess I’m a little old fashioned. I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. But, that’s just me.

I am whatever you say I am

October 20th, 2010
9:16 am

I think you just go with the flow. All people are different so you can’t treat a guy you are on a date with the same you would treat other guys you have dated.
I think waiting at least 3 months to know someone before you do the deed is a good practice but don’t tell the dude that you need to be committed in a good relationship with him for 3 months before you give it up or you will only see his representative for 3 months and then once he hits the sheets- he’s out.

So, for argument sake, take the 3 month rule out of the equation and just do the deed only after moving slow, and taking your time to really get to know someone. 3 months is a good waiting period but don’t forget to take into account of quality of quanity. If dude acted like an arse for 3 months it doesn’t make sense to be intimate with him

Simple Man!!!!

October 20th, 2010
9:20 am

Morning Chevygal!!! ‘Sup 2can??? Check out the games last night??? Giants v Rangers !!!LOL

On topic….I have heard a thousand times that women know almost immmediately if they are going to be physical with a guy…If that is the case, why wait til date number 3???? Now as far as the third date being defining, She is as subject to do or say somthing that will call things to a stop on the 3rd dat as she is on the 1st or 2nd…..

Simple Man!!!!

October 20th, 2010
9:22 am

I am…3 months?!?!?!? Really????? ( BTW how are you today???)

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
9:23 am

3 months, 3 days, 3 hours……who cares, really……

I promise you, life gets easier when you start livin it! Toss all of your restrictions, requirements, prerequisites, and all that stuff outta the window….just live, folks!

blue®

October 20th, 2010
9:24 am

Morning all,
need your help staying awake today, im soooo tired…..let the jokes flow!!!
anyway, im with 2C and the rest – so Date 3 is the defining moment? never knew that, i too thought it was when the moment hit you, be it date 3 or (if you get there) date 33…why is there a definition of when it should occur? the 3 month rule and all that, why are there soo many rules to the one thing that should be allowed to flow naturally?

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
9:26 am

’sup Simple Man…..yeah, I checked ‘em out…..them Rangers ain’t no joke!

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
9:29 am

blue…..you’ve been in the office for 3 minutes, now……c’mere and let me holla atchu…

YesSheIsCute

October 20th, 2010
9:33 am

Can’t put a time limit on your goodies if you want to give it date 3 give it. If you don’t you don’t. If its a standard or a moral you have set for yourself (none until after x months of steady dates) then tell him. But if it’s simply a “not tonight” thing on date 3 or 4 you aren’t obligated to say ish.

Also, I believe the “representative” shows themselves for the first year to year and a half…unless you move in together…its hard to keep that representative up in your home. I don’t think the “representative” is gone by date 3….

Honestly, date 3 does flag more serious interest. I’ve had plenty 1st and 2nd dates. Most 3rd dates usually go on to a relationship even if short lived.

Wise Diva

October 20th, 2010
9:36 am

I’m inclined to agree that the rep stays waaaay too long. Nothing worst then dating a dude for a year then see his “other” side come out. yikes..I can only imagine how scary that is for men when ladies let it all hang out

blue®

October 20th, 2010
9:36 am

@2C – blue here, front and center, still changing into my office shoes, but i have pretty toesss so its ok, lol

Wise Diva

October 20th, 2010
9:38 am

oh and I call BS on the let it flow naturally, you already know if she didn’t want it to “naturally flow” until the wedding night….it would be a problem

Wise Diva

October 20th, 2010
9:39 am

oh and pardon me, Good Morning!! I’m at the doctor’s office this morning, regretting the fact that I didn’t stop at Starbucks first

Chevygal

October 20th, 2010
9:41 am

Morning to you too Simple Man.

Ya know i don’t chime in a lot here but read most comments. It seems to me guys have no desire to develop an emotional relationship…only sexual. What ever happened to romance? Just enjoying spending time together and really getting to know each other. Sure a sexual relationship is great but that’s not all there is.

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
9:46 am

Morning Diva….hope the Dr. visit is just a routine check-up or some’n….you aiiight, ain’t ya?

now this ~~~~~> “you already know if she didn’t want it to “naturally flow” until the wedding night….it would be a problem”

not really; cause if she stated her moral grounds early off, then there should be no problems; the onus is on you whether or not you wanna hang around…

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
9:52 am

so blue, you like things to flow naturally, eh?

AmazonRed™

October 20th, 2010
9:53 am

That 3 date rule is something I only hear white folks talk about. That’s usually the date where it’s okay to get busy with someone.

And I laugh that date 3 is considered “significant time” by some dude. Boy please! :lol:

AmazonRed™

October 20th, 2010
9:53 am

Yes, good morning all as well! :)

Simple Man!!!!

October 20th, 2010
9:53 am

Chevygal…IMO, thats where women err…. I won’t speak for all guys, but for me, I am not opposed to romance at all!! In fact I relish the chance to do the soft dinners, and dancing ect, But I have no tolerence for the game that women want to play in the process…. I never pressure a woman to be physical, but regardless of where we are in the process, If you won’t I will not be held in a coochie holding pattern…If we are moving along, intimacy is a part of the package. As has been presented, be it date # 1, 3 or 10 She must be willing to allow things to progress without some random barrier….

Simple Man!!!!

October 20th, 2010
9:55 am

(Checking my tie) Ahem….. Morning Ared!! How are you today?? :D

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
9:57 am

“Boy please!”

this is sooo funny to me…I always crack up when you type something like this…though I’ve never heard you speak, I can only imagine what it sounds like being spoken by you….

blue®

October 20th, 2010
9:59 am

WD – Hiiii, lol
@2C – i feel like theres a song something like that “let it flow…” idk….i dance to my own drum, let it flow ;)
@Simple Man – random barrier… – im with you, seems like so many of these things are just completely random…how do you live your life that way? seems like you’d be constantly pushing yourself into someone elses mold based on what?

czBrat

October 20th, 2010
10:08 am

HiYas!

some people do have hard and fast dating rules; i go with what feels right. and for me that usually means date 3 is still an exercise in observation, not contact. yes, i have been called a prude. :roll:

anywho, what’s good lady blue? 2can, are we still buds or am i still on your hit list? :lol:

Mrs. JtJ

October 20th, 2010
10:09 am

Hey Gang!!!!

I went against my “no too soon” rule and gave it up date #2—Now I AM MARRIED!!! Lol! Now, in my defense, my first and 2nd date ended up being several hours long because we went to 3 different places each time and ended date #1 drinking hot chocolate at 3 am at the Buckhead Diner. (plus we knew of each other through work, but had never physically met)

Seriously though, grown folks have to make the decision for themselves, if it feels right and the chemistry, compatibility is there- GO for it. Notice – I said “Grown Folks” – who know what they want and are not trying to play games.

I try to read you all sometimes, even after work just to try to keep up with the latest. Great to see a lot of new monikers on here. I am trying to get a friend to come over and read/join the blog. Peace!

Melo!

October 20th, 2010
10:10 am

Good morning folks!

It can go down on the first date. Everything depends on how u guys set it up.

A lot of times,folks have spoken a couple of times over the phone. So there is a good possibility that chemistry and sexual tension is in the air by the time you meet on the first date.
Long time ago I had that first date with some female I had been talking to for a while on the phone and we met at a restaurant for the first time.
I was there first and when she came in,she hugged me and went in to sit beside me,her left leg up on mine and her fizzled skirt exposing the thigh cleavage.
I immediately knew that after I was done feeding her, it was going to be her turn feeding me.

So! :lol:

goooood morning again!

AmazonRed™

October 20th, 2010
10:11 am

this is sooo funny to me…I always crack up when you type something like this…

:lol:

The funny thing, is I never say stuff like this outloud…I just think it. :lol:

Folks say I sound like a valley girl tho. :|

AmazonRed™

October 20th, 2010
10:12 am

Aww…well welcome back MRS. JtJ! :)

And good morning Simple Man! :)

Chevygal

October 20th, 2010
10:16 am

@Simple Man….Good to know there are some romantics left.
The romance is what makes the intimacy so special..at least for me.
But I don’t want to be put on a timetable….the “if you don’t put out by the second Sat of the month, you’re history” type attitude.
Seems like in most cases romance has fallen by the wayside. Just met too many ho dogs I guess.

czBrat

October 20th, 2010
10:17 am

Mrs.JtJ!!!!
welcome, welcome! it’s been far too long :) how’s married life?

Simple Man!!!!

October 20th, 2010
10:17 am

“Folks say I sound like a valley girl tho.”
Dying to look across a candle lit table, at Dante’s with the band playing an old classic, gently caressing a soft hand , a spark flashing in yur eyes and here you whisper……“Boy please!”
LOL

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
10:20 am

czBrat, we’re still cool, lil mama…..I really don’t hold grudges…..I just tend to ‘member alotta stuff…. :)

Mrs. JtJ

October 20th, 2010
10:22 am

Hey CZ & ARed!!!

It has been 11 days of bliss!!! Lol. It is still the same, we are just legal now. I am still on a high from the wedding…it was so much fun. We performed at our wedding reception entrance and did a special familky dance with the kids, it was sooo much fun!

I still read ya’ll when I can, I hate missed the meet-up last week, my son got hurt at his football game. Maybe I’ll catch the next one!!

blue®

October 20th, 2010
10:23 am

Morning cz!! hilarious – totally off topic: im listening to this chick who wants to change the name of her boyfriends dog cause his ex is the one who named the pooch. never mind that the dog is 8 years old, never mind that its a bull dog and their dumb as he!! and cant process too many changes, or that bull dogs only live like 9 years to start with (let the dog die in peace)….hilarious the drama some folks will cause over an ex, lmao

SexyCool

October 20th, 2010
10:27 am

czBrat

October 20th, 2010
10:32 am

sorry to hear about the lil one. i hope he’s on the mend. leggs did say you would try to make it but i certainly understand.

I am whatever you say I am

October 20th, 2010
10:36 am

I believe in a 3 month rule, but I have yet to practice it :lol:
I’m a scorpio- that right there should tell you why!

But I have tried and failed on many occassions to make it to 3 months and can’t do it- don’t judge me

SexyCool

October 20th, 2010
10:38 am

“the “representative” that people show on dates 1 and 2.?
The representative can last a helluva lot longer than two dates.

And if I’m having too many “awkward moments and weird conversation” upfront, we are probably not going to make it to Date #3.

“A guy friend once told me that women should tell men if they aren’t wasn’t in getting intimate with a guy by date three.” Dude is clueless. If he doesn’t know by the third date if his ass is just a sponsor, he needs to buy a clue and a vowel.

I am whatever you say I am

October 20th, 2010
10:38 am

blue: at your 10:23- that is entirely too much power she is giving an ex to have her have that hold over her where she wants to rename a dang dog!

blue®

October 20th, 2010
10:40 am

im gonna pull a page from I Ams book – im a leo(more of that zodiac, lol), and we want what we want when we want it, it can take 3 months, 3 days, 3 minutes – dont judge me

SexyCool

October 20th, 2010
10:41 am

I am – I learned that my three month rule would be better to be applied more to my emotions than physical attraction. A mutually satisfying physical experience is much easier to deal with than the too early investment of emotions before you have truly *qualified* a guy.

You are more likely to meet more of the real person behind the representative within some months as opposed to a few dates.

2CPTG©

October 20th, 2010
10:41 am

curious……

what are the benefits of being a sponsor?

Wise Diva

October 20th, 2010
10:42 am

yep, just doing my routine..thanks for your concern :)

blue®

October 20th, 2010
10:43 am

@I Am exactly, cause her flipping out made it obvious it was about the ex, now i had to give her the point that the poor things name is cupcake and its a boy, but that aint the real reason. radio host suggested she go ahead and rename the dog: give it the exs name, lmao

Melo!

October 20th, 2010
10:46 am

Congrats Mrs JtJ!!

Do Sexxy.. u saying it’s easier for u to phluck him if physically attracted,no matter it’s a first date but u font have to luv coz u phluccked?

2Can?

sponsor…? u spoiling her but somebody else getting the draws?

that’s my read!

Kym

October 20th, 2010
10:46 am

Good Morning All,
Yeah I am not for the 3month, 3 date thing..I didn’t know it was a rule. I usually do what feels right..so if I feel like doing the do..with the dude..I will do the do..but if I don’t..then….No Diggity for you.

Wise Diva

October 20th, 2010
10:48 am

aww another one jumped the broom? sweetness hey MrsJtJ! Congrats to you and your honey! all the best to you both:) …love is grand, ain’t it

Simple Man!!!!

October 20th, 2010
10:49 am

2can…The only benefit to being a “Sponsor” Is that you get to practice your game on a neutral field.. Kinda like when the Falcons have that scrimmage at Grady stadium….

czBrat

October 20th, 2010
10:50 am

@ SexyCool 10:38, can i just relax and let you speak for me today? :lol:

blue, the whole re-naming of the dog thing, it can’t possibly be that serious. smdh.

Leggs ™

October 20th, 2010
10:53 am

Good morning.

@WD ~ that “routine” can saves lives…good for you.

I have pink eye and the drops I got yesterday are powerful as a mack truck hitting you…whew…worth every penny!

@Mrs. JtJ ~ glad to read you and see that twinkle in your eye. And, you prove that there is no set date when you can get intimate. It works for some and others it don’t…first date, second date or even an hour into the date. It all depends on what they see/expect beyond the sexual part.

@blue ~ that has got to be the most asinine thing I’ve heard the entire month of October!