What do you call them?
A male reader is in the doghouse because of the way he introduced his woman to a co-worker. He didn’t specifically say that she was his girlfriend and it has caused her to question his motives.
I’m not one to get hung up on titles personally because I’m more concerned about behavior and actions. Does it matter that a man calls me his woman? Not really. I’ll admit that the guy could probably make me swoon inside and feel like a school-girl. I don’t know if it would matter much beyond that.
If you are dating and haven’t reached the exclusive stage, does it matter that you don’t have the label yet?
Would you introduce your date as your partner, significant other if you two haven’t had “The Talk” yet?
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457 comments Add your comment
Dan - simply...superior
October 15th, 2010
8:14 am
Good morning,
I try to be as honest about things as possible, especially in a relationship, so if you’re my girl – you and no one else will ever have a question about it.
If there’s space for questions, then you are not the one. And I have no problem telling you that.
To the blogger: if you’re introducing her at work, that’s a “step”, so you should’ve been prepared for questions. In the end though, she’ll get over it the next time you introduce her ~ if you play it right.
PS Cop Ne-yo’s album or kill yoself
Jeff
October 15th, 2010
8:15 am
First?
Simple Man!!!
October 15th, 2010
8:28 am
This one is going to be good…..
2CPTG©
October 15th, 2010
8:30 am
G’morning…..
da hell with “the talk,” you know whether or not you’re somebody’s SO….dude talkin bout he’s in the doghouse…ask him how does she describe him to her friends, co-workers, or family….does she call him “her man” to these folks? Probably not……And my take is, if he’s in the doghouse, then obviously he didn’t know he had such a title, and therefore introduced her as such; coventional wisdom woulda told him that if he and her were indeed a couple, then that woulda been the case…
YESSHEISCUTE
October 15th, 2010
8:32 am
I like to be introduced as the girlfriend or his date or something. But if he just say this is YSIC then its not really a big deal. Now if he said this is my friend YSIC, I might blow my lid if I feel like its obvious we are more than friends.
On the flip side I usually give a title to the person I’m introducing. Usually I can just say this is [insert name here]. The person I’m introducing him to will know that’s my bf b/c I would have talked about him. If they ask how do you know YSIC? I’ll let him state who he is.
I remember in Germany I was dating this Turkish guy and I was sure he was going to introduce me as his friend since we hadn’t really gone beyond some dates yet but he actually introduced me as his girlfriend. I was so psyched…it does feel nice when someone claims you.
miss marta
October 15th, 2010
8:32 am
eleventeenth…?
“this is my friend [insert name here].” what is so hard about that? or bad?
the problem with women – coming from a woman – is that they tend to overthink this type of situation. and so, imho, it boils down to how long have they’ve been dating? a week? two months? have they had some sort of “talk?”
i honestly don’t remember when i became my boy’s girlfriend. but over the course of four-ish years, everybody knows. there isn’t a need to qualify a relationship that works.
YESSHEISCUTE
October 15th, 2010
8:32 am
BTW Good morning everyone….it’s Friday!
I don’t know where my manners are. Excuse me b/c I haven’t “blogged” in a long time since I ran across this one.
Dan - simply...superior
October 15th, 2010
8:33 am
“the problem with women – coming from a woman – is that they tend to overthink this type of situation.”
^^this
blah blah blah
October 15th, 2010
8:42 am
It is just easier to introduce without an official title, and just go with “This is [insert name]” or “I’d like for you to meet [insert name]“, and let the co-worker decide what level the couple is at. If it is a co-worker that your introducing someone to then they have probably already heard about this “friend”.
Leggs ™
October 15th, 2010
8:46 am
Good morning.
@DreamsM ~ I forgot to wish you a Happy B-day yesterday. Hope you had a fantastic day, great food, and off the wall sex!
@blahbb ~ On point!
YesSheIsCute
October 15th, 2010
8:51 am
Well…I just remembered I actually talked about this with my older female friends say that they don’t care about labels such as girlfriend/boyfriend b/c they feel its really high school….they introduce significant others by name only and feel if they’ve been together awhile they may introduce as a significant other…but the only titled they feel worth mentioning in an introduction is fiance or husband…
SlimNumeroUno
October 15th, 2010
8:54 am
Good morning Yall,
Today will be a bit rough for me since today is my manager’s last day
miss marta – You aren’t blogging and driving are you?
blue®
October 15th, 2010
8:57 am
Morning All,
@Simple Man – meant to ask, did you do your homework the other day? lol
ok, im with the “This is [insert name]” school. if we havent defined what we are too each other, why am i gonna define to those outside? seems to me her being mad is a sign that she’s upset they havent defined their relationship yet…what the he!! is she waiting for? if thats what she wants, address it, and stop pitching a fit at him cause he hasnt read her mind….agreed being introduced with whatever title can be a rush, and give you that warm gooey feeling, but if yall arent defined, there it is…take some warm vibes from the coworkers going “oh, we’ve ehard so much about you” or “your the one hes always so excited to see” or whatever side comment they make that shows they know who you are…..
Hoofty
October 15th, 2010
8:58 am
If you’re not sure of the relationship-status yourself, why not just introduce by name?
“Hey Bob, this is Jane Doe, Jane this is Bob”
Issue solved?
Bit-O-Hunny
October 15th, 2010
9:03 am
GM Folks,
I agree with Dan, he should have been prepared to designate some title to his girl/lady/woman, etc. Or, he could have been equally safe just say, “…this is __________” and left the title alone entirely. If they are coworkers he can fill them in later or not at all.
BreakingofDawn
October 15th, 2010
9:15 am
I’m sure she felt that she had some type of status if he was introducing her to his co-workers. But we all know what assuming does. Either way if two grown people are spending enough valuable time together, something is either hinted at or discussed in regards to “what” your doing. This is where things fall under communication, say what you mean/feel, if you need clarification. As easily as she went she could have declined if she was not sure of where things stood in the relationship.
These days people know if you are introducing others to family, close friends, and co workers, your more than a rotation. For me I may not even mention a man’s name to anyone until 6 months into dating.
CoolShadow
October 15th, 2010
9:18 am
I’m also with the “This is [insert name]” group. The people who want explicit details on your relationship are usually external folk who are being nosey for the sake of potential gossip and drama, and they might be looking for titles and statuses. When you’re more focused on titles and monikers rather than the quality of the relationship, you’re probably having issues anyway. If the relationship is clicking, why get all caught up on titles just as long as you know where you both stand? A garbageman may prefer the title, “Waste Management Coordinator”, but the job is still the same.
Melo!
October 15th, 2010
9:21 am
Good morning folks!
Phluccking you a couple times don’t make you my girlfriend..it don’t matter how you may think or overthink.
So until we agree that we exclusive and you are the One, I am going to introduce you neutrally and in the most politically correct but sexually vague way!
Yep,the pudssy still on deck and your mind playing tricks on you.
2Can,I meant to ask you this yesterday:how do uall make a chic your girl in the final scheme of things? Which comes first,sleeping with her first then the upgrade or getting to know her first and then tapping it after you sure u happy with her?
(I’m talking about a serious girl situation)
Happy Friday folks!
SamE
October 15th, 2010
9:22 am
It’s definitely a tricky one IF the communication is lacking, however, If you’re both talking and clear on motives then the “freind introduction” will not be questioned.
Lady
October 15th, 2010
9:22 am
Hoofty I agree!
Morning!
Delight23
October 15th, 2010
9:25 am
Buenos Dias. Hmm. This reminds me of that episode of Living Single where Khadijah got upset at Scooter for not being descriptive enough in his introductions of her. So later on at a company costume party he went around saying “This is Khadijah. She’s my GIRLFRIEND.”
Look, I’m not hung up on titles like that, outside of “husband” and “wife”. I introduce my sweetie by his name and he does the same. Our body language is pretty indicative of our status together.
I’m a big girl, and I know how to say I’m involved with him, when I’m approached.
Simple Man!!!
October 15th, 2010
9:28 am
Blue….I am at home today and just did teh suggested assignment… Part of me is amazed and other parts are completely TURNED ON!!!!
Simple Man!!!
October 15th, 2010
9:29 am
On topic….Lables in the dating world do waaaaaay more harm than good! Actions should be the call of the day until there are rings involved!
Elle
October 15th, 2010
9:32 am
I think that you should introduce ONLY your fiance or spouse by title to co-workers, casual friends or strangers. You can be less formal with family or close friends and introduce them as a date, friend or significant other.
I don’t know about most people but when someone mentions that word “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” to me and they’re not young people, it sounds very silly. My mother has a “boyfriend” too and she is 70 years old. I told her to stop using that word because it sounds ridiculous.
Whenever, someone starts a sentence with “my mother’s boyfriend” or my father’s new girlfriend, I know that there will be some ugliness or bad news at the end of the sentence.
YesSheIsCute
October 15th, 2010
9:36 am
@ Cool Shadow….I’m actually partial to Sanitation Engineer myself but you are right the job is still the same. But that’s what my baby does. I don’t think anything of saying garbageman but my friends have told me that doesn’t sound nice so I say he works in sanitation or “sanitation engineer”. I mean I don’t really care b/c he has an honest job and he makes 2x as much as I do anyway so whatever. But yes we are humans and as humans we have a thing with “titles”. If they upped and changed my job title to something less glamorous with the same job duties I’d probably be pissed. Titles matter to humans even outside of romantic life. So conflicts that arise from not being introduced properly I wouldnt seclude it to a specific gender or sex. People who generally care about titles will generally be involved in these sort of conflicts. But that’s just my opinion now that I’ve read others…
2CPTG©
October 15th, 2010
9:39 am
’sup Melo,
for me, it’s about vibing….if we can’t vibe, then there will be no sex, and thus, we ain’t nothin! Conversely, she can’t be considered my girl if we haven’t had sex – cause I wouldn’t know if we have “that” chemistry down pat yet….
DC Rose
October 15th, 2010
9:44 am
I’m kinda torn on this subject. I have a friend that is a “dater” of thirsty women. I’m always sad to be introduced to them. They’re introduced as a “good friend” and the implication is that they will soon be more. Over the years there have been dozens! They last few I’ve said “I hope to see you again”. That’s my way of hinting to make them question his real intentions and not fall into the trap. I know it’s wrong to do this, but after seeing one a few years later and she said “girl you should have pulled me to the side – woman to woman – and told me what was up. She was right.
So, mo – don’t introduce someone with a title if you don’t plan to follow through with what that title means. Be real. I’m quite happy to be introduced as a friend or good friend.
2CPTG©
October 15th, 2010
9:44 am
Cutie From Stockbridge, you are absolutely correct….folks get hung up on titles….fugg a title! Pay me, or treat me, according to what I do, not what you call me!
Delight23
October 15th, 2010
9:45 am
‘K as a short-time lurker and even shorter-time poster, can I ask what’s up with the coffee and donuts. I’m just sayin. I’m all about making an entrance so you can be honest with. Did I just take CPT to the extreme and miss all the good isht
Delight23
October 15th, 2010
9:47 am
DC Rose: “I hope to see you again”.
Dang. ‘ppreciate the heads up. 
Melo!
October 15th, 2010
9:47 am
2Can?
that’s what’s up….but and seeing your 8.30,if u happy and vibing with said chic do U verbalize the exclusive thang like making an offer to her or u let things just run their course organically by way of actions?
Dan - simply...superior
October 15th, 2010
9:49 am
@DCR
eeewwww, if you’re his homegirl – be a team player. Bro before….well
Stop the hate, play on his team….
AmazonRed™
October 15th, 2010
9:51 am
Happy Friday Party People!!!
This topic is a hot button of mine, mainly because I’m always with guys who are uncomfortable with “titles.”
One guy called me “girl.” That made me
The guy after him called me “the homey.” That made me
The last guy called me his “very special friend.” That made me
It matters to me. Most everything in life carries a title, your relationships certainly should.
czBrat
October 15th, 2010
9:52 am
HiYas!
as YES and blah have said, you need only use my name if these are people you’ve already spoken to about me, just as you’ve probably spoken to me of them …. so they know our relationship. if it’s someone random i don’t much care if they know the nature of our relationship, so again … my name will suffice.
all of this goes away, of course, when i become the wife. that title must be used at all times.
blue®
October 15th, 2010
9:52 am
@Delight – i remember that episode, and the sad thing was that once he went around making sure everyone knew who she was, she wasnt happy with that either…
@Simple Man – 928: lmao, told you it would be interesting, and now you see what i meant when i said their some bad chicks, lol
@YES/2C – agreed. the titles are just so you can strut in front of everyone else, but we are the ones who are in the relationship, not them. you and i need to know what we are, and as 2C said, treat each other according to actions, not just because their title warrants it. i mean there are plenty of people with titles who dont deserve them…and plenty of people who deserve titles hwo aint got them…
2CPTG©
October 15th, 2010
9:53 am
“if u happy and vibing with said chic do U verbalize the exclusive thang like making an offer to her or u let things just run their course organically by way of actions?”
just go with the flow…..cause if I am “doing” other chics, then obviously she hasn’t done anything to stand out, or make me wanna stop doing the other chics..so she can verbalize exclusivity all she wants, she’s gotta show me she’s the only gal I should want.
Simple Man!!!
October 15th, 2010
9:57 am
Now that Ared has joined us I know my day will be a good one!!!! ( Morning Dear!!!
)
DC Rose
October 15th, 2010
9:58 am
Dan – some just didn’t deserve it. They were good people. Trust me I am a team player when in comes to bro’s before h@es. But h@oes is the key word. They got what they deserved. Just because some were thirsty didn’t mean they should be taken advantage of.
Delight23
October 15th, 2010
9:58 am
“The Homey”. Okay that is hilariously sad and warrants 2 to the body and 1 to da face.
CoolShadow
October 15th, 2010
9:58 am
@YESSHEISCUTE
Just like the spin of job titles, I think our message is the same although the words differ. Glad it’s working out for you and your Sanitation Engineer (to the chagrin of your friends?).
Kym
October 15th, 2010
10:01 am
Good Morning All,
Happy Friday!
I am so not that hung up on titles..I mean if the person meets you and the guys says this is my friend..Pam..and Pam is a girl..is she not a girlfriend. I mean why does how you introduce have to validate the relationship at all? If he knows I am special to him and I know he is special to me. Then we cool. I agree save yourself the trouble and say this is Pam..Pam this is Bambi. Done.
czBrat
October 15th, 2010
10:01 am
melo, can dudes be thirsty?
Elle
October 15th, 2010
10:01 am
Unless a person is actually your fiance or spouse, you should never introduce them to co-workers, casual friends or strangers with any “explanation title.” You should just give them their name and that’s it.
2CPTG©
October 15th, 2010
10:03 am
Brat…..can I answer your question addressed to Melo?
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 15th, 2010
10:06 am
Good morning, blog. This is my f@#k buddy, Sparkles. Sparkles, this is the blog.
czBrat
October 15th, 2010
10:07 am
but of course 2. please do.
AmazonRed™
October 15th, 2010
10:08 am
“The Homey”. Okay that is hilariously sad and warrants 2 to the body and 1 to da face
It was bad. It was like all the air got sucked out of the room.
I was at a cook out, meeting folks for the first time. It was my 2nd go round with dude anyway, so he really needed to be on point. Someone asked if we were dating…I wasn’t giving him none at the time, but that’s cuz he was still on some get back.
Anyway…”the homey” comeback definitely set him back even longer.
Since I don’t do “scenes” in public, I just keep it moving. The color drained from his face though cuz he knew he was gonna get it once we were alone!!! LOL
Anyway dropped that dude (later on down the line) and picked up 5 new girlfriends (the girls who asked about us at the party). So I’d say that all worked out for the best.
Willie Dynamite
October 15th, 2010
10:09 am
Morning All.
So not caught up on the title thing. For one, IMO unless you the wifey or fiance then everything else is semantics. Saying friend can gt you caught up, good friend same as well. Saying girlfriend sounds high schoolish. Plus it depends on how the other party views themselves. I had a chick make it a point to bring it up to me that I always introduced her as (name). I didnt see the problem and at the time didnt really feel like she was anything other than (name).
Melo!
October 15th, 2010
10:09 am
2Can?
thanx for your response…but ‘no’ wonder it’s hard for chics,see Ared’s 9.51!
us guys are so full if spin and head games….
Cz?
yes,guys can be as thirsty. Why,somebody trying to get yours?
AmazonRed™
October 15th, 2010
10:09 am
Good morning Simple Man.