Should we let jealousy slide?
If you have ever been in a relationship with someone who has a jealous side, you probably know it takes a lot of patience. When you know that you are dating someone who isn’t a “people person” like you are, should you let their jealous behavior slide?
I never considered myself a jealous person and it would take a lot to make me notice if my man is being disrespectful. If I am with someone, I expect a certain level of respect because I give it.
I have been involved with someone whose jealousy was a real problem. It bothered me a lot because I knew I was never disrespecting our relationship. I had to realize that it was his trust issues, not my behavior that was the root of the problem.
Is jealousy ever a good thing in a relationship?
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452 comments Add your comment
2CPTG©
October 14th, 2010
9:28 am
hey….
“Is jealousy ever a good thing in a relationship?”
nope.
Chevygal
October 14th, 2010
9:30 am
Mornin….jealousy is never a good thing…just leads to trouble.
Chevygal
October 14th, 2010
9:36 am
where is everybody today….is it a holiday and I forgot????
I am whatever you say I am- Loving my new 2010 Nissan Sentra fully loaded!
October 14th, 2010
9:40 am
I’m jealous. I can’t help it, I’m a scorpio.
The good thing though is that I know how to keep my jealousy in check so that it does not affect my relationships.
blue®
October 14th, 2010
9:41 am
Morning All,
is jealousy a good thing: no. is it sometimes waranted: yes. but either way, leads to trouble. ime, breeds mistrust and resentment, nothing but conflict results…
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
9:42 am
Morning Folks!
That whole “make him/her jealous” game has never been cute to me.
Making someone jealous so they can “prove” their love is a game for insecure, possessive fools.
Respect your mate and don’t take them for granted.
That’s all I can offer on this topic.
Celisea...reincarnate
October 14th, 2010
9:44 am
Jealousy is about as natural as any other emotions we have….God himself gets jealous. Jealousy though should not control nor get the better of you and neither should it be used to play games. Can’t lie, I’ve felt it but the key is keeping it in check and not allowing it to rear it’s ugly head.
Sweet Pea
October 14th, 2010
9:45 am
Good Morning, I apologize for not introducing myself when I initially commented on prior topics. Yes, it reveals trouble and insecurities within a person. Although, most of us have insecurities of some sort that can be maintained under the radar, however the ones that reveals the big J..hmmmm you better keep it movin’
Leggs ™
October 14th, 2010
9:47 am
Good morning…w/o reading any of the many comments above (lol), jealousy is never a good thing. Sure the root of the problem is his/her insecurities, but how can a relationship sustain constant accusations and distrust. It’s like putting cyanide in your food and waiting for it to take affect.
Raqi
October 14th, 2010
9:53 am
I feel that a certain amount of a jealous streak is acceptable. That’s why this issue for me is another area where I think balance is the key. Every matter has its two extremes, and here one being overbearingly jealous and the other being not giving a darn coming or going.
So if my man notices me over on the other side of the room chatting with a most gorgeous gentleman stranger it’s cool that he noticed just as long as he doesn’t start making outrageous accusations. We maintain respect and trust for each other and we live in it. But just because I respect and trust him doesn’t mean I will be okay with a woman touching him or rubbing up against him all willy nilly. However I don’t worry myself silly about nothing when he leaves the house either.
Melo!
October 14th, 2010
9:54 am
Hello!……… (Diddy tracks here…….)
……..good morning!
My woman is jealousy but I’m aaaight with it!
These females on the prowl need a counter to match otherwise it won’t end good…….
YESSHEISCUTE
October 14th, 2010
9:55 am
I don’t know…I’m with someone who never gets jealous.
I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone who was jealous. To me I think there is a healthy amount of jealousy. It shows attachment. Sometimes I wish I would get with a guy who gets jealous. I wish my boyfriend would get jealous sometimes. I’m very jealous actually but I don’t show it…it ends up being manifested in other ways…(read: passive agressive). I’m trying to get better about it but it’s hard…especially since he’s so mellow and laid back…never getting jealous. Makes me wonder why?
YESSHEISCUTE
October 14th, 2010
9:56 am
By the way GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! It’s almost FRIDAY!
blue®
October 14th, 2010
9:57 am
@Raqi – agreed on there being a balance…hadnt thought about that one… but does feel good for them to notice that you are attracting others attention, but the crazy overboard stuff needs to be avoided…no crazy unfounded accusations, and no refusals to communicate cause you’ve already made up your mind that you know whats going on….
czBrat
October 14th, 2010
9:58 am
HiYas!
I had to realize that it was his trust issues, not my behavior that was the root of the problem.
and there you have it.
Is jealousy ever a good thing in a relationship?
no.
that is all.
SlimNumeroUno
October 14th, 2010
9:59 am
Morning,
Too bad I missed the whole show yesterday…it seemed better than one of those Spanish Soap Opera’s on the Univision channel. lol
I think we all have some level of jealousy in our spirits which can be healthy in moderation…however, that overbearing, crazy, psycho, if i can’t have you no one else can jealousy is when it becomes unhealthy. As crazy as it may seem, I don’t think i’d want to be with a dude who NEVER seemed to even remit any form of jealousy at all…would come off as if he didn’t care. I don’t expect him to try to check my every move…but if we are out and some dude is OBVIOUSLY still trying to talk to me after I’ve warded off his advances, I expect him to make it known to buddy to kindly keep it moving.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 14th, 2010
9:59 am
Everything in moderation…
I think just a touch of jealousy can be a good thing. Not crazy jealous, but just enough to let you know they care. (That sounds like a f#$ked up Hallmark commercial or something…)
It’s all in how you deal with that little tinge of jealousy & how it manifests itself in your behavior. For me (another Scorpio — shout out to i am…), if I’m not just a little jealous, that pretty much means I don’t give a sh!t about you…
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 14th, 2010
9:59 am
Slim — You’ve been in my head… Good girl….
Simple Man!!!!
October 14th, 2010
10:00 am
In my best Irish voice…. “Top of the morning to ya!!!”
There are very few things that really get me sideways and this happens to be on the top of the list!!! I work hard to insure that my partner knows that They are the person that I have chosen to be with as they have chosen to be with me. I fully believe that they should respect me enough to know that I will not violate the terms of our connection and if they can’t believe in that bond, then I will walk away…..
Leggs ™
October 14th, 2010
10:01 am
Some sees jealously as a form of caring. Some view it as showing concern. It’s all good in the beginning. But, what they saw in beginning has now morphed into stalking, 3rd-degree questioning, spying. The flags were there in the beginning, but we tend to sugarcoat and label it other than what it is and that’s when problems start. He/she was exactly the same in the beginning, but we grinned then. Now, we’re looking
that it has gotten out of hand.
As Raqi has stated, balance is the key. But, more importantly, trust and respect is th Core!
YESSHEISCUTE
October 14th, 2010
10:04 am
I agree with swiss and his obscure hallmart advertisement. hehe.
Simple Man!!!!
October 14th, 2010
10:05 am
Slim…I get what you are saying in your 9:59, but If some dude were out of bounds like that Your man should put him in check not because he is jealous, but because dude is disrespectful….there is a huge difference…
czBrat
October 14th, 2010
10:06 am
Sure the root of the problem is his/her insecurities, but how can a relationship sustain constant accusations and distrust.
exactly! unless the jealous party recognizes their flaw and WANTS to move past it, there is no progress.
and i ain’t touchin that cyanide comment
LOL
mornin’ Leggs
Lady-Best of both worlds!
October 14th, 2010
10:07 am
Morning
Raqi
October 14th, 2010
10:07 am
I actually would have greater concern if he never seemed a bit jealous. If he never asked a question about anything that may to him look questionable. I would actually wonder why he doesn’t care.
Now I couldn’t live with being grilled every freakin day about where I’m going and who I saw while there or being accused of being somewhere that I wasn’t. But just to ask, “hey who was that guy?” is acceptable. When I want to know I ask.
When I drove up to Ohio a few weeks ago my husband asked me to call him every hour during the drive. That showed great concern. There I was a woman driving 700+ miles alone with our daughter and he wanted to make sure everything was okay. But if he was to start some craziness about keeping tabs on me here in the city we will have a very serious matter to deal with.
Celisea...reincarnate
October 14th, 2010
10:10 am
I guess I didn’t answer the question…no jealousy shouldn’t slide. I frankly don’t think it’s about trust or distrust…it an emotion. I think to react because you’re jealous is what should not be tolerated THAT shows a lack of trust. That’s not to say EVERY situation will cause you or your mate to become jealous but if you truly love a person and they love you, there is the possibility of having that emotion tapped. Again and as others have said, balance, control and trust would be key.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 14th, 2010
10:13 am
And sometimes it’s not really about jealousy as much as it’s about having to check a mitty fikky for crossing the line — as in Slim’s example. Mrs. Swiss is fine as heyal [said will grinning widely and puffing out my chest a little], so dudes are constantly checking her out when we go out and the occasional fool will underestimate your boy swiss & try to step to her even with me standing right there. Now that will get dealt with swiftly. And it’s not about jealousy, it’s about letting a chump know I’m not to be f@#ked with…
DreamsMaterialize
October 14th, 2010
10:14 am
Morning
I’ve been accused of “not caring enough” in relationships. If I trust you, I trust you…no need for the extra. Now if a dude is out of bounds, then I can resolve that situation…has nothing to do with jealousy though.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 14th, 2010
10:15 am
oops… “said while grinning… “
blue®
October 14th, 2010
10:15 am
@swiss – Not crazy jealous, but just enough to let you know they care – is that really jealousy tho? idk, not sure that it is, but sure would rather have it than not! want a sign that your interested in the fact that there may be other options trying to steal me away, lol (when are you opening your Hallmark line?)
@Leggs – cyanide? whoa
@cz – im not sure its always just about the jealous parties insecurities. that disrespectful behaviour from the other party, where they claim you’re the crazy one, sometimes makes the jealousy perfectly warranted. now what you do about it, thats where the line between crazy or sane needs to be drawn, lol, imo
Raqi
October 14th, 2010
10:17 am
Leggs, let me ask you a question. At what point with “your guy” would you become concerned? I mean what behavior pattern with him or another woman in attendance would pique your
jealousconcern meter? Or are you completely numb on the subject.Some people, well, may feel that to want to know something or be curious shows insecurities. But do they not think that being too sure can sometimes work against them.
Celisea...reincarnate
October 14th, 2010
10:19 am
Too, I don’t think insecurity should always be deemed the root cause. What if someone maybe buys into the “extra attention” they’re receiving and crossing the line? That’s what shouldn’t be tolerated. If I say I have a problem with that and you toss back on me as if I’m insecure when you know you crossing over into being disrespectful, then the problem lies with you and your actions not me and my emotions.
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
10:19 am
Leggs – I agree, everything is cute at first, until things manifest.
Show concern, absolutely. But keeping tabs, no.
I respect the people that admit they have a tendency to be jealous and keep it in check.
czBrat
October 14th, 2010
10:19 am
hmmmm. i was thinking just what Simple said (10:05). seems there’s a difference. now, if your man puts dude in check because he thinks you secretly welcome the attention, that’s jealousy.
personally, another woman expressing any kind of interest in my man is a turn on and an ego boost for me. i suppose he might like to see some sort of jealous streak in me, but i just don’t seem to have one. i take pride in knowing that he’s desirable in so many ways … and he’s with me
likewise, i’ve tried to tell him to take any attempt or interest in me from other dudes as flattery, but that’s not working too well just yet 
maybe i’m lacking a healthy dose of jealousy because i’m on the scorpio/sag cusp. LOL
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
10:20 am
Now if a dude is out of bounds, then I can resolve that situation…has nothing to do with jealousy though.
Dreams – Exactly.
Raqi
October 14th, 2010
10:22 am
But DreamsMat, as Celisea jealousy is a natural emotion and often times is not even triggered by distrust. It is what it is. And I actually feel that many of you that say you are not jealous to even a small degree don’t even realize that it does exist because you quickly dismiss it at first thought.
You look over and see your girl talking to a guy and you immediately within seconds allow your trust for her to surface. But that jealousy did arise, you just allowed your trust to knock it back down. So yeah jealousy exist when you are really into someone. Nobody wants someone to take what is theirs.
DC Rose
October 14th, 2010
10:27 am
that disrespectful behaviour from the other party, where they claim you’re the crazy one, sometimes makes the jealousy perfectly warranted
I wish it hadn’t taken me so many years to realize this one. I spent too much time doubting the reality of what was. Now I have no tolerance for someone who rejects an honest emotion as being unwarranted.
Swiss – we need a hallmark card for this one too. “you made me think I was crazy, who’s sorry now?”
Raqi
October 14th, 2010
10:29 am
kimmie, question for you. Say you are at your guy’s place and a woman calls or comes by. The first and second it happens your trust keeps you in check. But say you are finding that it is happening quite frequent, what would you call that thing in you that would make you go “hmm?” Or would such a thing ever arise in you.
Now it’s all innocent but you don’t know that at the time.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 14th, 2010
10:31 am
“I respect the people that admit they have a tendency to be jealous and keep it in check.”
kimmie — Blog confession: I am a reformed jealous little byatch. Man… in high school I d@mn near lost my f@#king mind over my first piece of tail. Mostly because I was just too d@mn insecure back then. It was not a good look. But once I looked in the mirror and saw what a punk byatch I was being, it was pretty easy to make some changes…
Leggs ™
October 14th, 2010
10:31 am
@Raqi ~ I’m not a very jealous person. I like to socialize and float around the room talking to everyone. If my man had the same personality as myself, I would understand. However, if he’s paying a lot of attention to anyone in particular, I an on the side watching. I watch body language to guage whether I need to go over to his side and “claim” my prize (so to speak), pull his coat to any disrespecting behavior when we get home. The body language, the eyes, that touch that shouldn’t have been given will speak for me. I’ll take it all into consideration. Being gregarious is not the same as being flirtatious.
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
10:32 am
Raqi – I see what you are saying to Dreams. For me personally, just the word jealous has a negative connotation. But I understand the emotion and have felt it. But my trust (or lack of it) and my security (or insecurity) with certain men determined the level of it. And I’ve been in situations where my guy just seemed “too cool”. But I didn’t do anything to try to get a rise out of him.
If I found out my man was cheating on me and I get upset – is that hurt and betrayal I am feeling or is it jealousy or all 3?
Leggs ™
October 14th, 2010
10:32 am
SlimNumeroUno
October 14th, 2010
10:32 am
i’m swiss – i’m almost scared to ask what I was doing in your head…
Simple Man – Point taken…to-may-toe…to-mah-toe
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
10:37 am
Raqi – I saw your 10:29 after I posted my 10:32.
In the situation you describe, I would call it suspicion and yes, a bit of jealousy.
I consider myself on the very low end of the jealousy spectrum. Whenever I found out a man betrayed my trust, I recognized my hurt but you could call it jealousy as well. I wanted what he was giving (the attention) to someone else.
Celisea...reincarnate
October 14th, 2010
10:38 am
Raqi – your 10:22 agreed. I don’t know if people thinks it’s a bad trait in having that emotion, it’s not. Just like we hurt, cry, get angry, love, hate…we have that emotion as well. And as with anything, how you handle and keep it in control is all that matters.
Kimmi – But I understand the emotion and have felt it. But my trust (or lack of it) and my security (or insecurity) with certain men determined the level of it. And I’ve been in situations where my guy just seemed “too cool”. But I didn’t do anything to try to get a rise out of him.
I think we’re saying the same thing here.
SlimNumeroUno
October 14th, 2010
10:38 am
So how about yall share some Overly Jealous actions that you’ve committed and/or experienced…
A friend of mine said his ex used to ask him to send a pic of the location of where he was at the time to prove he was really there…
I’ve done the driveby at night with the lights turned off…
Stopped by the job or crib unannounced…
Checked the phone…
Marked a line on the bottle of lube to see if any was used..
Checked mileage on the car…
Yup, I did that in my young, dumb, nothing but fun days. Nowadays, I don’t want to go looking for anything because my guess is it will rear it’s head eventually.
DreamsMaterialize
October 14th, 2010
10:40 am
Nobody wants someone to take what is theirs.
Raqi I’m not worried about anyone taking what’s mine. Shyte, if you can take it, you deserve to have it.
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
10:40 am
Swiss – That’s the first step to overcoming a problem – admitting you have one! LOL!!! I’m so glad you worked thru that and I’m sure Mrs Swiss appreciates that as well!! You are too cute!!
“If you don’t get help at Charter, please, get help somewhere!”
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
October 14th, 2010
10:42 am
“we need a hallmark card for this one too. “you made me think I was crazy, who’s sorry now?””
Your wish is my command, DC:
For all the times you told me it was all in my head,
For all the times you told me I wasn’t trusting,
For all the times you made me think I was crazy,
All the while f@#king that skank ho,
I just want you to know…
That I let all your boys run the train on me.
Who’s sorry now, mitty fikky?
That one’s on the house, DC.
kimmie
October 14th, 2010
10:43 am
Celisea – Agreed.