Challenge me, don’t change me!
There comes a time in a relationship when you realize how much the two of you differ. For a lot of people, this creates an impasse. For others, they find a way to adapt and see it as a challenge to grow with their mate.
This is something that I think women kind of struggle with because we view relationships differently then men. I learned the hard way that you can never change a man. This is not a reflection on male stubborness, it’s more about a woman understanding that she should not want to change a man at all.
Why would you fall for someone and then try to change them? That makes no sense!
Men are fascinated by women who do not try to change who they are. I think that accepting each other the way that we are is one of the by-products of being in real love. Not infatuation, lust, or deep like.
I think men and women should figure out the difference between challenging their mate and changing. There is a difference, don’t you think?
Have you ever met someone who challenged you?
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327 comments Add your comment
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:21 am
Morning Crew~
Simple Man!!!!
October 12th, 2010
9:22 am
9:20 and noone is here…Traffic must be a mikki-fikki this morning….
Simple Man!!!!
October 12th, 2010
9:23 am
Whats good lady???
blue™
October 12th, 2010
9:24 am
Hola all,
how was the weekend?
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:24 am
Men are fascinated by women who do not try to change who they are. I think that accepting each other the way that we are is one of the by-products of being in real love. Not infatuation, lust, or deep like. <—————- That is a good assessment! You would think the older one becomes with experience and baggage we would embrace the opportunity with growth to be at peace with self and other people without trying to continue to incoperate candyland….It is what it is and over time it becomes what it is why try to be more or extra with what you want?!? Being CLEAR ROCKS!!!!!
Waving @ DD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:25 am
Hi Simple Man how are you doing?1?
SlimNumeroUno
October 12th, 2010
9:26 am
‘I think that accepting each other the way that we are is one of the by-products of being in real love. Not infatuation, lust, or deep like.’
Worth repeating…Howdy folks
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
9:28 am
Hola!
First off good topic.
Lady how did you get from under that rock and make it in here first? Shello to ya!
Simple Man!!!!
October 12th, 2010
9:29 am
Lady i am good, Thanks for asking….Morning Slim…Whats up to my supa cools azz girl blue!!!
Simple Man!!!!
October 12th, 2010
9:30 am
Dirty Diana…You are not gonna try and change me are ya???
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:30 am
you can ONLY change The Man in The Mirror!!!!!!! That is your contribution to society…everything else will fall in place….become a better YOU and don’t focus on the next chic or man…….easy said than done bc it is so easy to point fingers and blame………
sn: will I get banned for posting Man in the Mirror lyrics?!? LMBAO!
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
9:31 am
On topic:
Well I love to be challenged and leave a dating with a new piece of knowledge; which, is only fitting because I am a lifetime learner. Next I am noticed the same things that catches men attention about me, are the very things they want to change. Perhaps they want to change the things they find challenging. ~shrugs~
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:31 am
DD bc I AM BAD~ Yeah I am on a Michael Jackson kick this morning!!! now WHO’s BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DreamsMaterialize
October 12th, 2010
9:32 am
Morning
The only constant in life is change. There is nothing wrong with change, as long as that change is positive and isn’t forced. Now, if we aren’t changing in the same direction, then we need to re-evaluate.
blue®
October 12th, 2010
9:32 am
There comes a time in a relationship when you realize how much the two of you differ – isnt that the way it should be? its those differences that complement each other, and at that point its a challenge to see how you each adapt to a changing situation, an opportunity to expand your horizons rather than standing still…definitely prefer someone who lets me be myself and learns to love all the intricacies(sp) of my personality rather than trying to simply reaarange me, lol
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
9:33 am
Dirty Diana…You are not gonna try and change me are ya???
@Simple Man, I am going to let ARED handle that…LOL she will let you know if that is in her job description.
2CPTG©
October 12th, 2010
9:33 am
G’morning….
“Have you ever met someone who challenged you?”
yep….
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:33 am
Now, if we aren’t changing in the same direction, then we need to re-evaluate. <——- Amen to that Dreams M!!!!!! Top of the morning to you boo!
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:34 am
Awareness is key~
blue®
October 12th, 2010
9:34 am
hey Simple Man…im sleepy this morning, need something to wake me up….
why am i waiting moderation? is it cause i changed my “tm” symbol? hmmm….
Kym
October 12th, 2010
9:39 am
Good Morning All,
Wisey..I think you said it all with your posting. Changing and Challenging are different. You can challenge a mate to try something new and different but in the end you can force the issue. Like if one mate loves I don’t know..horror movies or roller coasters, the other mate might jump in to share an experience but don’t think you are going to change that person into some kind of slasher movie freak.
Chink
October 12th, 2010
9:39 am
I think part of a relationship does involve changing someone to the better. But this is usually done through time spent with each other. So this is the way I see it if its positive GOOD negative BAD. Challenging someone to be a better person is always good!
SlimNumeroUno
October 12th, 2010
9:39 am
Hey there Simple Man….would you mind not squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle and work it from the bottom up? Oh wait…I didn’t meant to sound as if I was ASKING….more like, you BETTA. lol
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
9:43 am
@Lady,
You know I love me some MJ, so I just did a spin and moonwalked my way into typing this post! So heheheh you are bad, and I love that 9:30 and 9:31 post.
Simple Man!!!!
October 12th, 2010
9:44 am
Ok here is my take….When I am involved, I don’t want to be changed, but I do want a woman to inspire me to further evolve. Now that may be the other side if the same coin, but while I love me, I do not think that as I am I can be everythig it takes to be a great mate / spouse. I need a woman that can help nurture that growth….
Lady
October 12th, 2010
9:44 am
Thanks DD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You ROCK to Dirty D!!!!!!!!
ok I am forced to find my ROCK for the next 90 minutes!
BBL!
~kisses!
M. (pronouced M dot)
October 12th, 2010
9:44 am
Good day.
We need to embrace the person we are with. I also think we should all want to challenge our mate but we dont want to be in a power struggle with them which is the equivalent of trying to change them.
I met someone who tried to change me a little bit but that never works. So just go for what you really want and dont waste anytime.
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
9:45 am
@lady
Amen, on changing the MAN IN THE MIRROR!
Folks always want to change the other person, “Why, why…HUMAN NATURE.”
blue®
October 12th, 2010
9:49 am
@M. – we should all want to challenge our mate but we dont want to be in a power struggle – worth repeating, imo the power struggle often a sign that the “challenge” has gone too far
DreamsMaterialize
October 12th, 2010
9:50 am
Lady Hey luv, how are you this morning?
Double D’s I see you moonwalking. lol
Slimmy already nagging about the toothpaste…dang.
Challenging someone to be a better person is always good!
Chink “good” according to whom? You can’t change anyone, whether that change is good, bad, or in between. You can encourage someone to make changes that THEY believe are good for them. Of course when does encourging become nagging? lol
I am whatever you say I am
October 12th, 2010
9:51 am
When I was young, I was probably guilty of trying to change guys that I dated. Now that I am older and wiser, I find it easier to accept the one you are with and if you can’t deal with it, leave the relationship.
blue™
October 12th, 2010
9:54 am
@Dreams – when does encourging become nagging? good question, i think a lot of times women do have a hard time riding the line between the two….
alright, so when your comment is waiting moderation, is it actually seen out there on the board? or have i essentially been typing in invisible ink? lol
YESSHEISCUTE
October 12th, 2010
10:02 am
I don’t think you should go into trying to change each other. If that is the case drop them and go get what you want. But I think over time people will change because of the relationship that they are in (read: be more accommodating), some of these changes are temporary to accommodate the relationship and some are permanent (read; they adapt these behaviors and habits for the rest of their life).
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
10:07 am
@DreamsM, did you see my spin? LOL
For some reason this topic makes me think of that Billy Joel song “Just the Way You Are.” I just feel like if it is true love that person will help challenge you, respect you, and encourage you to greatness; however, when it is just mix/match situation the person will try to change you. I always tell the men take me as a whole person, because I am not a fraction… every rose has its thorns.
Bishop Longfellow news He is getting sued again, this time by banks.
SlimNumeroUno
October 12th, 2010
10:08 am
Dreams – lol Just trying to make him better
Mo (aka Moeisha )
October 12th, 2010
10:08 am
Morning All!!
I was so upset to see my Braves lose and Bobby Cox have his last wave at the crowd.
Dreams – “You can’t change anyone, whether that change is good, bad, or in between. You can encourage someone to make changes that THEY believe are good for them”….I agree with this. Especially since we are adults, most of us are 20+ years in the making so a change will come by our own hand no matter how much someone insists on it.
CoolShadow
October 12th, 2010
10:11 am
If the change is a suggestion to improve you as a person then that’s fine. But when change is a constant flurry of suggestions and tweakings, it becomes a transformation as if she’s creating her version of Frankenstein, then we have a problem. However, for some women, the challenge is to create (and control) the
transformationchange…kimmie
October 12th, 2010
10:12 am
Good day mates!
This was one of the lessons I learned very early, that men don’t like to be changed.
I’ve always been sort of a lazy dater, so I’ve never liked trying to change a guy. I liken it to raising a child. And I want a man. If I wanted a child, I’d have one or adopt one. Just like I’ve never been one to try to “fix” a guy. I’m his lady, not his mother.
I dated one guy that was so on guard about a woman trying to change him that he was paranoid. Once, we planned this romantic evening. We were going to light candles and have a picnic in front of his fireplace and do other things in front of that fireplace. I picked up something special from Vicky’s and brought the wine, strawberries and a few other goodies. He was suppose to set up some more goodies, light the candles, and get the fire going. When I got there, there were no candles, he was still in his work khakis and shirt and he smelled like garlic. He noticed my surprise as I looked around. He said, “oh yeah those plans were cute and all, but that’s just not me. I’m not romantic and I don’t need anyone trying to change me.” I didn’t say much. I sat down and watched a little tv and left after about 10 minutes.
SexyCool
October 12th, 2010
10:19 am
Three Words Daily – Write the vision.
Raqi
October 12th, 2010
10:20 am
Just yesterday evening during a…uh…dis-cussion with my marido he said “‘Raqi’ I am not the enemy here, I’m on your side. Every decision I make I do so with what I think is best for us so stop trying to change my mind.”
I do feel that challenge and change can be good and they can be equally bad.
There are some things that I can stand to have my marido challenge me on and there are some things I do need to change. However, I don’t like being challenged at every turn and I will not change some things about the woman that I am.
The truth of the matter is we all, women and men, have things that we do a certain way or think a certain way that we would like our mates to do and think like us. That’s just the way it is. No one totally conforms to or accepts the way of the other. Differences will always be there.
YESSHEISCUTE
October 12th, 2010
10:20 am
@ kimmie…..WHOA! I probably wouldn’t have obliged those 10 minutes before leaving. What an ….
I believe people change in their own time and on their own terms….you can’t change anyone. But at what point is it trying to change someone? I believe if you voice your wants and needs its up to the person to make that decision whether that’s “them”, that’s “not them” but they want to do it for you, or it’s “not them”….is that correct? Now if it’s “not them” but they want to do it for you but they aren’t doing it correctly, is it trying to change them by telling them how?
I hope these questions don’t sound silly. BTW how do you guys do the smileys and the font and all that. Can someone tell me?
kimmie
October 12th, 2010
10:22 am
I have always resented guys that tried to change me. I had great parents that raised me well. I don’t need another daddy! You can make constructive suggestions to me, but that’s it.
Now challenging, inspiring – that I like! I’ve mentioned before that I love intelligent men. That is because they challenge me. I would get frustrated and bored with a guy that was not intellectually curious very quickly. I say curious, because he does not have to be degreed-up and be a rocket scientist, just willing to continue learning and reading and growing. Ask thoughtful questions, read more in the newspaper than sports and funnies. Share his knowledge of a particular subject or passion. I in turn should feel free to do the same with him. We in turn will get along just fine.
Sometimes I wonder if I challenge and inspire my SO enough. I think I do, but I do wonder.
kimmie
October 12th, 2010
10:26 am
YES – I had to sit down and get myself together. I was boiling mad. He lived in Norcross, I lived in Marietta at the time. I had to get myself together to make that drive back without hitting someone.
blue®
October 12th, 2010
10:29 am
@kimmie – your good, doubt i would have stayed myself. that would have been the perfect opportunity for him to try something outside his comfort zone to show his interest in you, but sometimes it seems like that little bit of effort is just more than SO of the moment is willing to give…usually seems petty to me, whats the harm in trying something new?
Simple Man!!!!
October 12th, 2010
10:30 am
kimmie…I have no idea what was up with your boy….Sounds like to me He was about to get his toes curled and his paronoia made his little galic bulb pull back inside!! LOL…I can’t believe you actually stayed for ten whole minutes!!!
I am whatever you say I am
October 12th, 2010
10:31 am
Kimmie: at your 10:12.
It doesn’t sound like you were trying to change him at all.
It sounds more like he was using that as an excuse not to have a romantic evening.
Raqi
October 12th, 2010
10:33 am
Challenge – Change what’s the real difference?
When I challenge my marido to try something my way, what prevents him from feeling that I am trying to change him?
Challenge…Change it’s pretty much all the same to me. And IMO it’s all in how it is presented.
Is winning the battle worth losing the war?
Dirty Diana ♠
October 12th, 2010
10:33 am
@ Kimmie that dude had issues…if he did not want to enjoy a quiet evening he should have raised his hand, and said Kimmie I don’t do fireplace picnics. I will tell you this he really missed out. I have done those before and my guy loved it! He was lame.
kimmie
October 12th, 2010
10:36 am
I am – Thanks. Yeah, that was his excuse and it worked!
Simple – He was a beyotch like that! I ran into him years later, a few years ago. He’s got a big gut now, he’s a butterball! LOL!!!
I am whatever you say I am
October 12th, 2010
10:37 am
Blog bar open yet
It’s 5:00 somewhere.
Dreams! Pop open some bottles