Getting too comfortable
If you are in a new relationship you probably start to feel comfortable right around the 6-month mark. You relax your look and feel less inclined to impress your mate. I know a lot of times people gain weight because they are happy. When some folks get happy, they eat more and thus begins the process of “letting yourself go”.
Arguably, this relationship phenomenon is a sign of growing closer to each other because you are dropping all the pretense and showing all sides of yourself. When things get too out of hand, though, there can be problems.
What do you do when the person you are involved with has become too comfortable? Is there such a thing in a relationship?
When you are dating someone who has let themselves go or put less energy into their appearance, how do you let them know it’s a problem? Should you let it go so that they won’t get their feelings hurt or a bruised ego?
Would you want to be told that you are letting things slip too much?
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457 comments Add your comment
I am whatever you say I am™
October 8th, 2010
8:37 am
Who left the lights and the door open!
WE’VE BEEN ROBBED!!!!!!!!!
Kym
October 8th, 2010
8:37 am
Good morning All,
Hmmm I have conflicting opinions on this topic so I will just watch and read..but I will say this..if folks start out being who they are, then there is no need to worry about slipping.
Simple Man!!!
October 8th, 2010
8:43 am
So glad its FRIDAY!!!!! Now all I need is a cap full of sumthin sumthin to pour into this OJ…..
I am whatever you say I am™
October 8th, 2010
8:44 am
Simple !!! YOU DIDN’T LOCK UP
Simple Man!!!
October 8th, 2010
8:44 am
Good morning ladies!!! My, don’t you ladies look wonderful today!!!
Simple Man!!!
October 8th, 2010
8:45 am
I am…But I did!!!The cleaning crew musta did it!!!
I am whatever you say I am™
October 8th, 2010
8:49 am
back on topic:
I try my hardest not to let myself go in a relationship.
I make sure that I spend time with my girls (learned that is important from an abusive relationship), I learned to have me time, and I learned to make sure I look glamourous!
I’ve learned that you also have to spice things up for your man (for lack of a better word), keep things, interesting, keep things fun.
Bottom Line, don’t lose yourself just because you have a man and don’t make him your everything.
The only thing I may have been guilty of was gaining a little bit of weight but that’s because the dude I was with cooked all the time and kept feeding me
Now that I’m single, I’m preparing for the next relationship: Getting in shape, getting my mind right, building a better relationship with GOD
I am whatever you say I am™
October 8th, 2010
8:50 am
simple :uh…huh…
I am whatever you say I am™
October 8th, 2010
8:51 am
Is it too early to start thinking about a drinky drank?
It’s 5:00 somewhere!
2CPTG©
October 8th, 2010
8:53 am
g’morning…
“When you are dating someone who has let themselves go or put less energy into their appearance, how do you let them know it’s a problem?”
ummm, tell ‘em!
“Should you let it go so that they won’t get their feelings hurt or a bruised ego?”
That ain’t my problem…..if I don’t tell ‘em, then I’m doing a disservice to both of us – me, cause I know I’m not happy with something, and her, because she’s getting a false sense of security.
blue™
October 8th, 2010
8:56 am
Morning all…yawwwnnn…streeetch….
@i am – son of a …. did they get the good coffee?
@Simple – Morn-ting
letting yourself go…i think that tends to happen in a lot of relationships with both male and female…seems the attitude is you’ve already hooked em, the hard parts over. important to keep in mind tho, as Mary J. would say “the way that you got me is the way that you keep me”…as far as how to approach the subject, i have said in the past “you know, neither of us look the way we did in High School, time to do a remember when and see if we can get back to those people in photos, or even better, cause me in sweats all the time and you as a couch potatoe aint cutting it”…now not saying that will work for everybody, but the simple honest approach without deliberately being hurtful i think works best…..
Simple Man!!!
October 8th, 2010
8:59 am
Mornigt blue…You good today???
SlimNumeroUno
October 8th, 2010
9:00 am
Yuck! I’m glad it’s Friday but me not fweeling so well.
‘What do you do when the person you are involved with has become too comfortable?’
Is it when you walk past the bathroom and your SO is taking a dump fully equipped with crazy sounds coming from their bum?
Is it when you notice your SO wears their undies for at least 2 days before they deem it necessary to put on a new pair?
Is it when you begin to let em rippppppppp no matter when or where you two are?
Is it when your SO digs in his/her booty then tells you to smell their fanga?
Is it when they begin to get lax on keeping up the appearance that they are clean/neat freaks…you come over and all their clothes are strewn about the floor, dirty drawers (skid side up) are laying out on top of the sink where you keep your toothbrush…
Or when the ladies pull that old arse head rag out way before the SO falls asleep?
Or when you’re no longer ashamed to speak to the SO face forward, first thing in the morn so he can get ahold of that dragon morning breath?
Is it when you take a dump and no longer feel the need to ensure all of your dudu pebbles get flushed?
AmazonRed™
October 8th, 2010
9:09 am
Happy Friday friends!
One thing I’m VERY blessed with…a high metabolism. I don’t ever weight. So even if I’ve gotten comfortable, I still look the same.
But my relationships are always short lived (around a year or so), so there really isn’t time for comfort to set in.
However, the “letting yourself go” is very real complaint. My friend got married in April and says her husband has gained about 30 pounds since the engagement and wedding. He works odd hours and will not give up the fast food. She’s just trying to maintain.
2CPTG©
October 8th, 2010
9:10 am
only you, Slim…..yeah, I guess that’s the comfort level Diva is speaking about…
Breakingofdawn
October 8th, 2010
9:10 am
What a heck of a week and I have more work to do on a Friday than Monday.
I’ve only been guilty of this once. I let myself go and so did he. I recognized it first and was determined to make a change. I can’t say I’ve always been a health nut, but I’ve always been aware of what I put in body. So I bought an elliptical for house and some free weights for him. I even suggested hiking, walking, and some basketball here and there. It was like pulling teeth to get him off the sofa and out the door to do anything. Long story short, we did not last. I did not like what I looked like(in/outside), I did not like that he was not motivated to make a change for a healthy lifestyle. It was not okay with me to be like the rest of America fighting obesity. I’m not the slimmest chick in the store, but I maintain healthy. I’m back down to between an 8-10 in clothes and that feels good. I feel good about me, about the single good looking in a jeans, boots and fitted t-shirt me. No sucking it in and hiding rolls of side fat anymore.
Kym
October 8th, 2010
9:12 am
@Slim..why you got to come out the box all gross this morning..some of us are trying to have a muffin.
Mr. Moe
October 8th, 2010
9:17 am
Good morning folks
I may be in a situation right now where the woman has gotten comfortable a little too early. We’re about a month and already things are changing….or it just be that pull back mechanism in me :l
AmazonRed™
October 8th, 2010
9:20 am
@Slim..why you got to come out the box all gross this morning..some of us are trying to have a muffin.
SlimNumeroUno
October 8th, 2010
9:21 am
Sorry Kymmy…
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
9:23 am
Good morning.
Sure, it’s natural to get comfy when in a relationship, but when you start taking things for granted, issues will arise. Because you’re in a relationship, I would feel this is defnitely NOT the time to let yourself go. That which got his/her attention should be front and center at all times. Nothing wrong with having a relaxed attire some of the times, but when you’re answering the door in your robe and slippers, or even going out with less than desirable garb, interests will wane quickly. I see nothing wrong with letting the person know you’ve noticed a change (for whatever the reason might be).
@ARed ~ I definitely understand the “high metabolism.” Mine has shifted and instead of sitting on my behind watching it spread, I’ve reactivated my gym membership!!
AmazonRed™
October 8th, 2010
9:23 am
I’m still grossed out by Grey’s Anatomy last night anyway though. *blech*
AmazonRed™
October 8th, 2010
9:25 am
instead of sitting on my behind watching it spread
So I guess I’ll finally start gaining weight in my 50s!
I am looking to make a preemptive strike and join a gym, I’m just waiting for the right special!
Kym
October 8th, 2010
9:26 am
Kym’s relationship change manifesto..
If was not eating salads three meals a day when you met me..I am not going vegan now.
Let’s be realistic..you know and I know these nails are not mine..so don’t get shocked when I take them off for a month to breathe.
I can’t see..you see me in contacts one day don’t get shocked if I have on my glasses the next..I can’t see.
The last time I was anywhere close to wearing a size two was in the womb..so seriously..
If we have sex..my hair will sweat..if my hair sweats.. it is wet..if it is wet..I will need to wrap it..so..if you want sex..get use to the headwrap.
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
9:30 am
And, don’t get so comfy that you think you can just fart all willy nilly and not even say excuse me!
M. (pronouced M dot)
October 8th, 2010
9:34 am
Friday.
“What do you do when the person you are involved with has become too comfortable? Is there such a thing in a relationship?”
The best thing to do when the person you are with gets too comfortable is to not let it get there in the first place. For the guys, we need to keep working out and keeping ourself in tact because usually if she see’s you on top of your game she will fall in line.
“how do you let them know it’s a problem?”
In the event that she does get too comfortable even after she sees you working out etc; I would not even say anything. I would let it go. If they dont see that they are going to lose you potentially, they may just have to experience it first hand. There will be signs lol.
”
Would you want to be told that you are letting things slip too much?”
I would be want to told if I am letting things go; but I would want the criticism to be constructive, not just a chance for her to say something disrespectful or slick.
Celisea...reincarnate
October 8th, 2010
9:38 am
I think “getty too comfortable” is not limited to physical appearance but behavior as well. If you started from the gate doing things, please be prepared to keep it up. We ain’t sitting home every weekend cause you “know” me now. I say don’t start nothing you can’t finish….for both parties and in every area, whether appearance or behavior.
Celisea...reincarnate
October 8th, 2010
9:39 am
I have the cutest email with work faces on it….I laughed about 20 minutes yesterday and everytime I look at them again I laugh. I was trying to figure out how to post on here….tooo cute
blue™
October 8th, 2010
9:41 am
@Kym – right on with the manifesto! chalk all that up to the inner sanctum things they were not previously aware of but must happen to make us the wonderful people we are, lol.
Raqi
October 8th, 2010
9:49 am
Yes we all do it to some extent.
Comfortable is a good thing. It is at that time that you meet the real person that you have been engaging for the past 6, 9, 12 months. You finally get to see what is really going on in that head of theirs.
Clean and neat is all I ask. We are going out to grab a bite to eat? A clean pressed properly fitting shirt and slacks or some nice classic fit or loose fit jeans will do just fine. Tie is not necessary and sports jacket is discretionary.
I don’t think there is such a thing as becoming too comfortable. You can be comfortable and still take care of yourself. You can be comfortable and not be rude and obnoxious. Like I said comfortable is good. You speak more truthfully. You act more honestly.
Melo!
October 8th, 2010
9:49 am
Happy Friday folks!!
Getting too comfortable ? do uall think Steadman is now comfy with Oprah coming to bed without make up??
he is a brave man including those make up ladies who see Oprah in her Congo face every day!!
When both of u are that too comfortable with each other that you don’t care,that’s bliss!
I am a farter and will always be a farter and Queen is settled on that. She just needs to budget for ample glade supplies.
Off topic:
I am ready to party for my boo tonite. What’s the best party club out there on a Friday??
I am gon dress Queen in some skimpy pimp skirt…kill these suckers!!
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
9:51 am
@ARed ~ it’s absolutely amazing how I’ve shifted in just 1.5 years. I’ve been a late bloomer in just about everything concerning the body, but the growth spurt I’m experiencing looks nice, but it’s so weird. I’m not use to carry this amount of weight and although people say I have nothing to complain about, I don’t see what they see…oh well, aging is no joke is all I can say!
Raqi
October 8th, 2010
9:53 am
I am so comfortable right now that I am dressed out of season. LOL
I am wearing a knee length flared linen skirt with a cute little shirt. It’s comfortable, it’s cute, and I ain’t going no darn where.
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
9:58 am
When living in the south, you can dress out of season because the warm weather lasts longer. I too am wearing a linen top.
DJ Demi
October 8th, 2010
9:58 am
Tonight my foursome will include Pinky, Cherokee and Kelly Star
Purple…that was funny…
Dj turnt up crank that to the max I lots of guala I be flowin stax polo on my hat shoes and shirt to match I be so turnt up I be swaggin to the max if you gettin it in and you getting doe gone pop a bottle this right here yo song purple by the zone you can smell it on my cloths man up in my swisher bout to take one to the dome I’m gone in another zone I be ridin on them inches with them woofers going strong what is going on I don’t really know and I role down my windows and I crank that shyt some mo
SlimNumeroUno
October 8th, 2010
10:01 am
Dude I date works out every week…I don’t work out at all and he said he likes my little pooch. I asked if it was a problem that I didn’t exercise and he said he was cool about it. We already crossed the headrag topic…some nights he will remind me about wrapping my hair…Must admit I was a bit surprised by that. We haven’t come to the fart & poop situation yet so…to be continued
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
10:03 am
blue™
October 8th, 2010
10:04 am
@Celisea – I think “getty too comfortable” is not limited to physical appearance but behavior as well. If you started from the gate doing things, please be prepared to keep it up – i would agree with that one. consistancy,imo,is key. dont start out as if your mother taught you manners and consideration and then once you feel im “on lock” now you can treat me however comes into your head. imo, you just conned (sp) me…you start out one way to get a person hooked, and then when you think their sunk, too invested to turn back, you show out…not working for me…
Raqi
October 8th, 2010
10:05 am
There are certain levels of comfortable that can be looked at as the person has let you fully into their life.
If you have never seen your guy take a leak, then there is a wall that is still up. If a guy has never witnessed bodily noise from his lady even when not done of purpose, you are not all the way in yet. And this kind of stuff is weird and funny. You can sex somebody every which way from here to Timbuktu yet there can still be a barrier there.
Good comfortable is when you are okay being just human around your mate.
Blackfoote
October 8th, 2010
10:06 am
Good Morning Folks
I agree with most here especially Kym humor also create a comfy mood.
Legss Kym: A woman with weight on her is a gift from the heavens in my view.
Raqi
October 8th, 2010
10:09 am
Leggs, yeah this warm weather allows for certain things. However if I do leave the house for anything today I will change into a pair of khaki pants that also goes well with the shirt I am wearing. LOL
Melo!
October 8th, 2010
10:09 am
Slim?
what pooch? U mean the lil tummy bump?
do live in with your dude??
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
10:09 am
@blackfoote ~ in that case, I’m an excellent gift!
Simple Man!!!
October 8th, 2010
10:09 am
1 hour away and I come back to find out that my dear ARED will never gain weight!!!! ( Morning Dear) This is getting better and better by the minute!!!
Mo (aka Moeisha )
October 8th, 2010
10:10 am
TGIF!! Morning All!
I am – It is 5 o’clock somewhere so Dreams needs to get here and open the Blog bar. I need a Soco-Lime ASAP!
On topic – this can be a touchy subject. I’ll lurk mostly on this but I will say that I think that getting comfortable is inevitable.
Leggs ™
October 8th, 2010
10:12 am
In terms of comfy, I like wearing weird color combinations when home watching tv curled on the couch. Nothing will match, and I have a pension for wearing two different color socks (a lil punky brewster in me). Although I won’t do this always with my mate, but once in a while I will probably sit in my rainbow outfit. It’s almost like my lil blankee (LOLOL).
Raqi
October 8th, 2010
10:14 am
There are things that people tend to do when they are comfortable that they have to be careful not to offend the other.
1. Eating off their plate
2. Picking up their phone and using it
3. A lady wearing her guy’s shirt or slippers
4. Eating from the same utensil…
5. Drinking from the same straw…
6. Putting a piece of food to their mouth
7. Using their bathroom without asking
Celisea...reincarnate
October 8th, 2010
10:17 am
blue – once you feel im “on lock” now you can treat me however comes into your head. imo, you just conned (sp) me…you start out one way to get a person hooked, and then when you think their sunk, too invested to turn back, you show out…not working for me…
Agree….I think it’s so important to be who you are and set a tone to that. I think the most disappointing this is to meet someone, get in, get cozy and bam the real thing happens.
As far as physical appearance it’s just as important. I like to look good and I want my man to look equally nice. I want you to know from the beginning that I wrap/roll/tie back…whatever works, at night. I miiiight be able to lay down a couple nights right after a hair appointment but ummm for the most part if I don’t take care and preserve, nappy it is. Too, if you start out (and you should) being nice clean and neat, let’s keep this one going as well.
blue™
October 8th, 2010
10:19 am
@Leggs – you sound like the boy…my mom got him these weird striped toe socks (you know the ones with individual toes) a couple years back. hes since lost one but still sits on the couch playing video games wearing one stripped toe sock…sometimes he’ll balance it out with one christmas sock hes lost the match too, but most often just the one….he says its comfy, lol
Celisea...reincarnate
October 8th, 2010
10:20 am
3. A lady wearing her guy’s shirt or slippers
4. Eating from the same utensil…
5. Drinking from the same straw…
6. Putting a piece of food to their mouth
All post sex or WELL on our way (like heaving petting and fondling)…none of this is happening before.