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Archive for October, 2010

What’s the worst that can happen?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to throw caution to the wind and just do whatever you wanted to do? No risk/benefit analysis, just following an impulse and do what feels good. Maybe it could lead to a new experience or a new romance!

I’m cautious with most things and I certainly have not been accused of being impulsive about dating. Maybe it’s time to switch things up, though. What’s the worst that can happen if you let your impulses dictate what you do? Would that be a brilliant idea or a slightly insane thing to try?

Sigman Freud theorized that the human personality is driven by the Id, ego, and the superego. The Id is the “irrational” part of our personality. If this is true, then my Id is all dormant! Rarely do I get irrational about dating, but maybe it’s time I did.

What’s the most impulsive thing you have ever done? How did it turn out?

Do you think our overly cautiousness sometimes cuts us off from experiencing something (or someone) important that …

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Learn your lesson, then run away

Kanye West has a pretty interesting music video for his song Runaway. If you haven’t seen it yet, you may want to listen to the song first and then watch it. I believe there is a lot of symbolism in it but the song relates to a lot of what single people go through in dating.

One part of the song: “I always find something wrong” kind of hits home because this is classic commitment phobic thinking. You know how things can go really great and you get spooked by it and start to search for random things to justify you running away? That won’t stop happening until you catch yourself doing it. Hindsight is 20/20 but if you can find out that you are ruining a potentially great romance, you probably won’t regret taking a chance.

Of course, the song also refers to those jerks and scumbags that we should run away from (or stop acting like!) and this made me think about all my exes. Some of my worst relationships taught me the most. That’s kind of invaluable when you think about …

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Can you make her feel safe?

There is a part of chivalry that sometimes gets lost in translation.  Opening doors and being a gentleman is one of the ways a woman gets her sense of  security from men.  I think it is also important to women to feel that they are being taken care of and protected.

During the dating phase, part of our time is determining how safe we feel with our guy. I don’t expect the men that I date to be the Kevin Costner to my Whitney Houston, because a bodyguard is not the dynamic I want. I would like to know that my well-being and safety is a concern, though.

It’s important not to just feel physically safe, women want to feel emotionally safe too. I know, “we ask for a lot” according to some men, but is it really hard?

How do men show that they can protect you when you are dating?

Is it important to men to feel safe too? If so, in what ways? How can women show their men that they can feel safe with them too?

Continue reading Can you make her feel safe? »

Are we spending too much on dating?

Forget what you’ve seen on those crazy reality shows. Hot air balloon rides, horse-drawn carriages, and weekend excursions are not needed to create romance or keep someone interested. I’ve been wondering about the attitude a lot of single people have when it comes to money and dating.

Fact: You don’t need money to date. You need a personality. If at any time you feel compelled to spend cash to keep someone interested, it’s a problem.

Of course women like to feel special. I won’t argue that, but most women I know feel special when a guy gives them eye contact and listens to her. That’s totally free!

Why does it seem as if we throw money at dating in hopes that it will get us better results? I’m not just referring to men, either. There are some ladies that are doing way too much for men that they aren’t in a relationship with because they have something to prove.

Do you ever think that you spend too much money on dating? If you had to guess, how much money do you think …

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Is it fair to judge their ex?

A bunch of friends of mine had an interesting discussion the other day about people we totally regret dating. Heaven knows I have a squad of some pretty interesting characters in my dating history. One of the guys mentioned that he thought that a long history of bad dating choices was a red flag for him. It made him wonder about the choices that were made.

Now we all have people that we probably should never ever, ever have dated. At the same time, isn’t it all a part of the whole “finding the one” process? You try on a couple of great shirts until the right one fit? You may rock a butt ugly shirt that does not compliment you for far too long, but does that mean you are doomed to be in ugly shirts forever?

Awful analogy aside, what do you think about a person’s past mate selections? Have you ever met an ex of someone that you were dating and were slightly horrified at their association?

Is it a good idea to introduce your current significant other to an ex? Should the …

Continue reading Is it fair to judge their ex? »

Intentions determine attraction?

When someone is just looking to hook up, obviously there is a different approach involved in what appeals to them. You’re not that concerned about intelligence, sense of humor, or kindness. It’s pretty much all about whether or not they “do it for you” in terms of attraction.

If you actually want to meet someone that has potential, hopefully your attraction will go beyond the superficial things like their body or their face. Interestingly enough there was a study published that described the way we select mates when we want short-term or long-term connections.

Do you consider a person’s body (height, stature, etc.) before you look at their face? What if you are looking for a real relationship? Do you prioritize importance of body and face in a different way?

Continue reading Intentions determine attraction? »

Improving our blog community

I wanted to call a time-out from our fun dating discussions to address a couple of things about our great blog community.

For those of you who don’t know, the Misadventures in Atlanta blog has been open for more than five years. I think it’s important to remember that the purpose of the blog is to have respectful, entertaining, and engaging discussions.

Unfortunately, there are times when comments have crossed the line.  So, going forward you’ll be seeing this notice at the top right of our blog:

PLEASE NOTE: This blog explores dating and relationships in today’s society and includes comments from an active adult community. If you’re offended by our frank discussion, try our other blogs.

We strive for a respectful adult community. Being offensive or disruptive can lead to your comments being suspended, moderated or banned.

You’ll also find on our blog a link to these “rules of the road”:

This blog is for mature adults to discuss dating and relationships, to help …

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Date number 3

It’s always a great thing when you manage to get through two dates with someone and you still want to see them. It seems to be when you get a clear idea about what kind of person you are seeing and how compatible you are.

Do you think that the third date determines if you two have a real shot at something? I ask because it is the “representative” that people show on dates 1 and 2. Once you get past the awkward moments and weird conversation then you could move on to the good stuff.

This also seems the date that something physical happens. I always get tickled at the suggestions for date three because it usually includes some activity that just screams “romance”.

A guy friend once told me that women should tell men if they aren’t wasn’t in getting intimate with a guy by date three. He thinks men have expectations because they have invested significant time with someone.

Women have expectations as well, is it relevant to men how comfortable we are feeling with them at …

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The agony and ecstasy of singledom

Please forgive me dear readers, I forgot to blog about National Singles Week last month! It was the third week in September and during that time you are to declare that there is NO shame in being single.

Well, obviously there isn’t a need to prove to others that there is no shame. Just like married life, there are good days and bad days of being single, unmarried, and unattached.

I have to say that a lot of my life is really really great. I definitely have my lonely moments when I wish to have someone special. These are the moments when I have to take a break from dating.

When you have a desire to be married or in a relationship sometimes the “desire” turns to desperation, which can be a turn off.

What would you say is the best part of being single? What do you enjoy about it the most?

What is the hardest part? How do you deal with it?

Continue reading The agony and ecstasy of singledom »

Spooky single behavior

I know we all like to think that we are perfect and have absolutely no problem at all getting a date. The reality is that every one of us have our own set of unique issues. Sometimes we are the reason a relationship doesn’t work out. Yes, we are the misadventure for someone else.

Don’t believe me? Just take a couple of hours and interview your last three exes. I’m sure you will be enlightened! We are flawed and beautifully human and that’s a great thing. Sometimes taking a little self-inventory and doing a self-assessment can go along way. Are you showing some scary spooky behavior that may be ruining your chances at romance?

Halloween is just days away, so what better time to figure out your own scary behavior! I’ll start: I think a lot of men get spooked when I get all argumentative. I admit that I can get too caught up in being right (um, when I’m right, that is.) and I don’t know when to shut up and listen. My ex gave me a little advice about that “too passionate” …

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