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Recovering from dating mistakes

A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of  pickle with her new guy.  This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone.  She claims her curiosity got the best of her because he is one of those “heavy texters” and she wanted to know if any of them were dirty texts with other women.

This is one of those awkward situations that is really tough to recover from.  Most men don’t want to think you are an insecure woman who has trust issues.  Even if this is the actual truth, you just can’t convince them you won’t let it be an ongoing problem after you have shown this side of you.

Have you ever made a really stupid mistake with someone in the “honeymoon phase” of a new dating relationship?  Were you able to dial it back and make things better?

How forgiving should we be when someone has shown bad judgment?

What is the best way to show someone that your one slip-up shouldn’t be the deal breaker that torpedoes your chances with them?

473 comments Add your comment

blue™

September 30th, 2010
9:00 am

Morning all….turning the lights on…hmmm…ok whats the alarm code again…..

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
9:01 am

Eeeewww

You went through his phone?

Bad form.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
9:05 am

Morning Dan…Blue whats up friend????

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
9:07 am

morning…

so this is a new relationship, and you’re going through his phone??? yeah, he oughta fire your ass with the quickness!

Also, I ain’t trynna be funny, but if she’s a reader (lurker), why didn’t she just pose her question on the blog? It’s obvious she wants feedback; But she’s still dead wrong….this ain’t yo dude, you’re an aspirant, lil mama…..stay in yo lane til you get elevated to girlfriend, but more than likely, you don’ kilt that notion!

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
9:08 am

Morning folks!

Corporate has been parading around here so I haven’t been able to sneak in here all week. I got an invitation for a blog meet up but am not sure how that came about…can someone enlighten me on that.

Um, getting caught going through an SO’s phone is a hard one to recover from. Wise, do we know what his reaction was?

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
9:13 am

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. She introduced distrust to the relationship. He should get out of it early. If it were truely a one time occorence it is up to him to decide if she is being sincere or is she just talking because she got caught. My stupid mistakes were just me being independent and not used to operating in a relationship. Like just making stops on the way home for hours or not letting her know I was safe or made it to my destination and just being out to late for a guy who is dating. Those types of things. I dialed it back by just giving her what I expected from her. I also dated a woman who alwaya pointed out my mistakes every other day….my mistake was dealing with her for to long after I figured I loved myself more than here I left and that’s how I fixed that. :)

blue™

September 30th, 2010
9:14 am

@Simple Man – hey there…changing into my office shoes…trying to get into work mode…yuo?

i just cant see sneaking thru your phone…esp not while we’re still new…to me that shows a lack of trust/maturity/communication…and if this is how it starts, how will things be in 6 months…honestly im thinking of this is a new relationship, he doesnt necessarily owe her forgiveness on that one….

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
9:14 am

@SM

‘Sup

@2

I was just thinking “if he’s still talking to you…”

Diamond Girl

September 30th, 2010
9:16 am

Going through another person’s phone is just plain wrong whether you are in a long term relationship or honeymooning! GIRLZ, GET WHOLE with yourself and stop wasting time “fretting” about his potential mis-doings. A man (and woman) will do what they wish to do regardless of your ”psychotic’ snooping behavior. To spend your time gaining proof that he/she is stepping out on you is a SIGN THAT YOU DON’T trust him/her. Without trust you don’t have much. Further, if you are not in a monogmous committed relationship, she/he can do as she/he chooses. This is a behavior that never turns out positively!!!!! Date someone you feel you can trust without wondering……….You end up with the choice you make!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
9:20 am

Blue…. Trying to get this day done so that I can start my weekend!!!My biggest dating mistake is one that I continue to make even when I am trying not to…I find someone I might be interested in, and I continue to be “Friendly” with other women. Not hooing up on the sly friendly, but flirty enough that the main point of interest is put off…

DC Rose

September 30th, 2010
9:21 am

blue – 053441

I’m so glad I went through my ex’s phone. He was a skilled but stupid liar. In my own defense, I could have continued to blindly believe what he was telling me, or acknowledge that things just didn’t add up.

I think when trust is an issue, even if it’s at the beginning of a relationship, it sticks and kinda creates a situation that is always there, even if it’s below the surface. Normal people don’t wake up suspicious of their mate. Something drives them there.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
9:22 am

Completely random…Barry Whites’ “Ultimate Collection” is a great listen…I need to put this back into the rotation!

Poppa Grande

September 30th, 2010
9:23 am

Good Morning, all….

Gettting caught going through another person’s cellphone without their permission?!
In the words of the Detective in Menace II Society:
“You know you done f’d up, don’t you? You know it, don’t you? You know you done f’d up. ”

Seriously, I think that most men have a your with me or you against me mentality. If you act like a spy, then you are against me.

In the words of Wilie Wonka,
“You lose! Good Day!”

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
9:24 am

“……….A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of pickle with her new guy. This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone……….”

Wize Diva: Let’s be real.. Were you that “friend”?
Quit going thru dude’s phone!!!!!!!! That’s why you single!
SMH!
:evil:

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
9:25 am

SUP BLUE AND SIMPLE DUDE!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
9:25 am

SUP 2C! (USE A BOY!)
:twisted:

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
9:27 am

I Am, are you the real I Am? Your demeanor has changed the last two days.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
9:27 am

I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar before! My boyfriend had just finish fixing his car and was test driving it. I was waiting in his other car b/c we were supposed to be going to his parents “in a minute” he said he left his wallet and his phone. Oddly enough he’s not a phone person so I really wasn’t interested in the phone but was curious what he had in his wallet (I didnt think I would find anything incriminating just being nosy for no reason)….well I should have put it down when I saw his car in the rearview pass by but then I figured he was still driving but he comes out of nowhere and caught me in his wallet….of course I had to act nonchalant like oh hey I was just looking in your wallet being nosy. and he was like why were you going through my wallet that’s messed up i would never go in your stuff like that. I was like “you wouldnt” trying to feign like that’s normal…once that didn’t work i just was like ok you’re right I was just being nosy I should have just asked first but I was waiting in the car it was just there. That was so embarrassing!!!!! I won’t do that again.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
9:28 am

Morning I Am….You good today???

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
9:30 am

btw we are still together. This was about a month ago we been dating since last november. I was forgiven but I not doing that again!

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
9:32 am

Hola!

On topic: When we discussed this topic before I mentioned my parents raised me to respect other folks privacy. Growing up we did not go in my mother’s purse, or pick through my father’s things. So, as an adult I still have massive respect for others and their privacy. IMO, you should (1) calm down , (2) if you are that insecure seek help to overcome and (3) stop with the snooping.

I guess I take this one personally, because I had an ex that went through my personal things, and tried to bring up what he saw in general conversation. smdh.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
9:35 am

@DC – hey lady, whats the 053441? sounds like the ex gave you reason to suspect, and i dont mean to say that there arent times the suspicion is deserved…just the story sounds as if their still at the beginning and he texts a lot? imo, thats not enough to call for spy behaviour…and im wondering why she didnt just ask him?
@PG – willie wonka had all the wisdom, lol

I AMMMMM!!

ive kept my crazy under lock long enough to get out of the honeymoon phase b4 it comes out, but i have had some issues giving trust to new SO because of cr@ppy exSO…we actually had to have the “lifetime movie” convo of you cant keep pushing me away because ex broke your trust, and then major rehab on my part, lol…but seems the only way to fix those major issues is to show the other person just how hard your working, if they think your half@ssing it, kiss it goodbye

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
9:35 am

Good day…

I have made a few mistakes in the game and I have learned the best thing to do is to move past it and do your best to repair your image to them. I am not saying being fake, but think twice next time.

Its funny that she went through his phone because this is really happening alot. You get on your significant others laptop and and they left their email open. I know it is taking all you have to not read the sent inbox and regular inbox!

FYI Guys, here is a trick if you ever want to catch a woman going through your stuff:

What I would do is if I am showering, I would finish but leave the shower running and just crack the door…You will be amazed at what you will see. I saw a woman going through my dresser like Beverly Hills Cop!

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
9:36 am

@ YESSHEISCUTE, so did you count his money or look at his pictures? Well I guess with cellphones people don’t keep pics in their wallets now…LOL I know that was awkard, and I am glad he was forgiving. I would rather someone not snoop in my belongings, but if they had to I would rather they snoop in my wallet, instead of my phone (I have text messages, pics, four email accounts, FB, phonebook etc connected to my phone).

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
9:37 am

DIRTY DIANA you’re real name doesnt happen to be Janelle does it? lol Sounds like something my friend just told me

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
9:39 am

Morning Everyone!

Had this happen to me lady deleted all female numbers including my sisters and mom numbers. Have to agree with you (DirtyD) snooping is just wrong. She no longer is my friend.

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
9:39 am

@YESSHEISCUTE, no ma’am…LOL.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
9:41 am

I’m a private person, even though I don’t have anything to hide I would not continue to date someone that was snopping through my phones. So the basic rule on this do unto others as you would have them do to you. If dude is a heavy “texter” while he and I are spending quality time together. Then he will slowly be edited out of my space.

DC Rose

September 30th, 2010
9:43 am

Blue – that’s the security code. ;)

DD – I was raised the same way. No snooping, respect peoples privacy and belongings, knock on closed doors… and without suspecting that something was up and feeling like I was being lied to, I would never have invaded his privacy. NOW ~ if I get a tiny inkling that something’s not right, I ask a direct question and expect an honest answer.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
9:44 am

2CPTG, I love me some you like a third brother. LOL

That statement about waiting until she is “girlfriend” just concretes what I have said many times. Certain privileges and benefits do come with certain positions in life before the vows are stated. The more committed the relationship the more privacy to that person is unleashed. In other words, the more of your life you freely/voluntarily (LOL) share with them.

Now on the question you asked about her not just posting the question herself. Well that may be because she is afraid of the backlash and ridicule that often happens here. Not all the time, but often times.

My opinion on the topic, while there is always room for mistakes in this imperfect life we live, but as stated in my first paragraph the forgiveness for those mistakes are measured by our place in that person’s life. That doesn’t mean one should be uncaring and blatantly vile but it does mean you have to earn certain rights.

Stay in your lane until you are given the go ahead to pass or cut in. Sometimes when you sway too far over the line there is no correcting.
And sometimes when you over correct you cause a more detrimental effect than crossing the line itself.

Size Six

September 30th, 2010
9:45 am

Morning, Just ask to see my phone. That is if were in a committed relationship or married because I will ask to see yours. Why hide?

BTW, have you guys looked at the political cartoon w/ EL.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
9:45 am

@ Dirty Diana I just was being nosy in the car bored waiting on him to get finished with his car! Normally I play with my blackberry (I have FB 3 email accounts, text messages and games) all the time so I’m guess my battery was dead if i decided to look through his stuff. But there was some cash, his commercial hazmat license, and some credit cards that’s about it. I mean if he had money oh well I really didn’t care about that honestly just being nosy for boredom….that’s why I felt so embarrassed. If I’d have been looking for evidence i probably wouldn’t have felt bad about looking. But IDK I usually don’t go through people’s stuff.

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
9:45 am

Well, did you at least find anything? :lol:

Ha ha. Serves you right that you got caught! :lol: Look, I’m not insecure but I am nosy as hell. I have to tone it down because I can’t let that side of me take over. And…I’m always scared of getting caught!

The only advice I can give is you’ll have to damn near be perfect the rest of the relationship. Talk about pressure! :lol: But one positive you can give him is that you will probably never do such a thing again. :lol:

Morning all.

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
9:45 am

And, while we are on this snooping tip what is the purpose. What will you do if you find something out are you going to (a) say while I was being nosey as hell I found Becky’s number in your phone, or (b) get mad and say nothing is wrong because you saw something, but telling what you saw will be like telling on yourself? :???:

Ok, I only know of one story when snooping turned out good if you want to call it that. I had a friend that let this guy she was seeing borrow some money (about $100 or less). He would never pay her back, but she is a BIG SNOOPER and has always told me I was CRAZY for not snooping. Long story short she had already went through his things and she had his SSN, DL#, DOB, and credit card number. When she read all of that mess out to him, and told him she was going to just charge her some ish out of a catelog since he was refusing to pay her…he paid her back real quick. We were in our 20’s and she was pissed off.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
9:46 am

There is an app for Blackberry and Iphone that will log unknowingly to the person who is doing it but it keeps a record of when someone tries to access your phone. Also on the phones with the camera upfront it will take a picture of said person.

Elijah ( I want some of dat)

September 30th, 2010
9:47 am

Good Morning Folks!

@Kimmie….Great post from yesterday, In this economy people have to do what’s best for them. You are a keeper….. :wink:

I see I have been called out by the Infamous sucka! Yes sucka is what you are because all you do is spit how you got suckered by your ex… Dude real men don’t sit around complain and blame others for their failures… (Things happen your favorite phrase)…See what had happen I stepped out of my lane and could not handle it… Sucka move sucka comment… I guess the scream machine aint what it all cracked-up to be…. YEEAAAH SUCKA….Plus dude are you jealous because you are not the center of attention on the blog? I can go on about your Angry man act and your vengeful mindset regarding women but I’ll pass it is already beneath to even respond to a SUCKA like you..

On topic…..Bad move by oh girl now she needs to move on,but first learn how to be in a relationship….Trust is very important with-out its impossible to have a relationship…

@It’s me…Lurker…I’m a little disappointed in you….Simple Man c’mon now….But I will forgive you once you take me to lunch… :smile: :wink:

I am gone…..Next 2 months got to help get out the vote….

blue™

September 30th, 2010
9:49 am

@M. – I saw a woman going through my dresser like Beverly Hills Cop! – wow, im always amazed how things get this way. ive had trust issues b4, but it dsplayed itself in more conversations (ok, arguments really..instigated by me) than in snooping. true “convos” werent exactly appropriate, but i think still a step above checking the walls for hidden compartments…how do chicks get that far?
@DC – lol, can you tell my brain isnt on? code-i got it now…just let the alarm blare and told the cops i got scared by a squirrel, thought it had rabies…you know, the scared girl thing, works every time ;) …lol

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
9:49 am

Sup all!
No purple, I’m good :lol:

MY GOLF CLUBS ARRIVED YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s on like donkey kong!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
9:49 am

Purple — That’s the first thing I thought of when I saw this post… Somebody should put up a gallery of all the folks who’ve been busted by these apps… :lol:

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
9:50 am

Sup all!
No purple, I’m good :lol:

MY GOLF CLUBS ARRIVED YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s on like donkey kong!

Blue: Why do they hold us accountable for what they went thru with the ex? SMDH!!!

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
9:50 am

@DC Rose I feel you, because you have mentioned your ex on here.

@YES LOL I am nosey as hell, but like DC said my parents were big on respecting each other’s privacy…knocking on doors etc. Even now, I will not look in my mom’s glove compartment or other storage spots in her car, and I bought the car. I have massive respect for others on a privacy level because I value my privacy.

Not to mention I don’t like people giving my data out…sending out my email address or telling someone it is ok to text me or something…I am an ultra private person.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
9:51 am

Morning Ared…How do you like you coffee???

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
9:52 am

Awkward dating moment:

Check comes. He pays. Goes to the bathroom.

In boredom, I check the check. See how much it was, how much he tipped. Was I going to do anything with this infomation? No. I was just being nosy.

He caught me red handed asked me what I was doing. I stammered for an answer. Told him I just wanted to see how much the bill was. He dropped it. But I was mortified.

(he undertipped tho :lol: )

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
9:53 am

Hey Simple Man. I don’t do coffee. I’m hyper enough! :lol:

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
9:53 am

I am…You playing this weekend???

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
9:55 am

@blue™

I think some women get like this because when we start dating new people, we really dont know too much about them other than what they are showing us. I also think alot of it is people wanting to ensure what you are saying matches up all around.

People just want to pry into your life at a certain point because when we first meet someone, they already have stuff going on in some capacity (dating, jumpoff, fwb, something) and alot of people are just plain nosey!

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
9:57 am

Amazon, I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to know how much he tipped the waiter. I would not have even stammered at telling him that I was looking to see if I needed to pay the tip. If he would have a problem with me wanting to make sure our server was paid well then he is not the one for me.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
9:58 am

Swiss, I bet atleast 85% of those busted would be women. LOL

I Am, email me.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
9:58 am

ARed, I don’t think its sexy at all for a man who has the means to undertip. I’m a huge over tipper, esp when service is excellent.

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
9:59 am

@Swiss and Purp tell me the name of this app I need it for my iPhone! pretty please :grin:

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
10:00 am

LOL @ AMAZON based off the comments on this blog he might have purposely left to see if you would do that. I bet you won’t do THAT again! Well we all have our moments. That was the first time I’d ever done anything like that. But my bf was eavesdropping on a conversation of mine. I can’t prove it but I’m pretty sure b/c I heard a noise like something falling on the other side of the door…..door to my closet. I don’t have any pets so who else would be right behind the door he probably tripped on a shoe or something. I never said anything to him about the “noise” I let that one go….that was WAYYY before the wallet situation so whatever….we’re even now :) hehehe.

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
10:02 am

Raqi – He said he was picking up the tab. Had I offered or agreed to leave the tip it would have been different. He didn’t need me cleaning up behind him!

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:02 am

Mdot, I don’t agree with setting someone up. First of all it shows trust issues within yourself. Now what happens when the woman is not a snooper but she catches you setting her up or trying to watch her from a cracked bathroom door? Who’s looking like a deer caught in headlights then?

Yeah some people are just nosy and don’t respect other people’s personal space but most don’t even think to look thru phones and computers unless they have been given a reason to do so. When you behavior starts making a person question your actions than usually when the need to find out if you need to get out comes into play.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
10:03 am

Diana, I am looking for it

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
10:04 am

Good morning everyone!

Before I read other posts, let me say that going through someone’s phone is a definite NO NO! And, for this to be a new relationship and already showing signs of insecurity is probably the beginning of the end of this budding relationship.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
10:05 am

I usually tip 18 to 20% it would bother me if someone checked how much I tipped. It’s none of her business, she should no me better than that and not feel that she has to check behind me.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
10:06 am

@Raqi

How am I wrong for coming out the shower and her going thru MY stuff?

So have you ever went thru a guys things in ANY capacity?

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
10:07 am

“I bet atleast 85% of those busted would be women.”

Purple — And I bet 75% of those would have a look on their faces like “who the f__k is Becky?!?!?”

Chink

September 30th, 2010
10:07 am

Snooping …Yes I have. Currently what I do is a scan…making sure everything is how I left it. I do admit that I snooped though because if I find something that catches me off guard I will let him know …nobody has broken up with me thus far for it rather its been the other way around… :roll:

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
10:08 am

HiYas!

have never and will never spy on a man. if i cannot trust you, i need not be with you. easy breezy. same thing applies to me, which is why s/o constant questions used to bug me to no end. turns out his love language is “communication”. ugh! :lol:

anywho … Slim, please come if you can. it’s just a lil sumptn to do on a breezy friday eve.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:08 am

Amazon, I get that, but some people are just not good tippers. Some people really don’t understand the 15-18% gratuity and how servers make less than minimum wage.

I think your offense is passable. LOL Pass go and collect $200.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
10:08 am

Swiss, you nede to go ahead and design that site. You could make money off of sponsors :)

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2010
10:09 am

Morning All!

Simple Man – I have that collection, definitely a must have. Im jammin to Rahsaan Patterson right now. Trying to get into a work mode, its gonna be a busy one.

How is everyone?

wassup 2CPTG?

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:10 am

Purple, I don’t have your email.
Simple: there is a golf clinic Saturday I might go to if I can come up with some bread for shoes, balls (giggle), and a glove.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:10 am

Mdot, I did not say you were wrong for her going thru your stuff. I said I don’t agree with setting people up as you mentioned peeping from another room.

Setting someone up and spying on them shows that YOU have trust issues yourself. That’s the point I was making.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
10:11 am

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2010
10:13 am

Oh and on topic: snooping….I aint havin it and Im not doin the snooping. Been there, done that, got a few battle scars to prove it.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
10:14 am

@Raqi

Ok so we should just let people invade our privacy even if we just met them?

Also, have YOU ever went through a guys belongings?

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
10:14 am

Hi ARED,Leggs, and blue…….A lady can ask me anything she want got nothing to hide, she can be as nosy as can be. Just ask if you need to see my phone list or anything else.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
10:15 am

Unfortunately for babygirl, she just needs to be prepared to deal with the fallout of her own insecurities. Good, bad or ugly.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:16 am

M.
How old are you again?
Look, she was wrong for snooping but in my opinion , you were playing childish games as well . If you thought for one moment that she may go thru your stuff, why did you provide the opportunity? Why did you even let her in your home? WHy did you even bother laying up with her?

blue™

September 30th, 2010
10:17 am

@i am – Blue: Why do they hold us accountable for what they went thru with the ex? SMDH..i have no idea why it works that way, but it does go both ways…ive been a victim of the shadow of a bad ex, and i have made others the victim…its a d@mn conundrum
@M. – we really dont know too much about them other than what they are showing us – there is that, i guess the idea of blind faith is a bit far fetched, just seems nutso to start the prying and snooping when he/she has given you no cause to doubt, you just dont have proof in your hand. i figure if im really interested/suspicious of whats in your phone, im just gonna (and have) ask for your phone, take it where it goes from there…

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
10:18 am

I am…PGA Superstore off of 85 near Pleasant Hill… You can get shoes there for a really good price, and since you are just learning, get balls and a glove from Target (CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP)

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
10:18 am

M., i get your 9:55. i do. but i say just be yourself and be patient. our truths will come out in time. if you’re in no hurry to jump into bed or jump into love, you’ll have time enough to see what the real deal is and come to terms with what you’re bringing to the relationship. no need to pull an i-spy routine just cuz you want to hurry up and have all the answers NOW. what if you misunderstand something you’ve snooped out? now you’ll make a wrong judgement and possibly find yourself trying to make it up so someone who no longer wants anything to do with you. ijs.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
10:20 am

@I am what

The reason I left the shower was to grab something and I saw her snooping. It wasnt intentional but it just happened that way. The reason I said that in my post is that I am sure you can catch somebody like that.

How was I supposed to know she would go thru my stuff? It wasnt written on her forehead. Somethings you dont find out until the opportunity presents itself.

Who knows, she could have been a snooper the entire time and hid it until she got the chance to snoop!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
10:21 am

“Swiss, you nede to go ahead and design that site. You could make money off of sponsors”

Purple — That’s a good idea. It could be the dude’s equivalent of dontdatehimgirl.com:

shesatriflingbytch.com

:lol:

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
10:22 am

After having a couple of bad relationship experiences brought about by mistrust and infidelity, I found myself becoming cynical and distrusting and that was poisoning relationships before they ever had a chance.

I had to get to a point where I made a conscious decision to believe what a person told me until they proved they could be trusted or not. At the same time, I have learned that I still need to pay attention to a person’s action to see if those actions line up with their words and stated intent.

I don’t want to be a bitter bytch, but at the same time, I don’t want to be anybody’s fool either.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:23 am

M. : my advise to you would be don’t let people in your abode until you really have grown to trust them.
I can’t just let anybody in my house.

Swiss: I think the site you are looking for is http://www.dontwifeher.com

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
10:24 am

@Blog

So how many of you here would switch phones with your significant other for a day?

Before people start mentioning excuses like “Well I need my phone for my business contacts, family, etc) (you can forward calls to your SO phone for the day).

How many of you would do it? Lets keep it REAL!

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
10:25 am

@M. ~ I wouldn’t mind. Nothing in my phone to hide. Seriously, HE might have a problem switching with me, but naw, I’ll be cool with it!

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
10:26 am

Good morning y’all!!

I think I am one if the most secure dudes.

I don’t snoop. I would noting her snooping if I like her.
If I don’t, then yeah, we got a problem.

Insecure chics can be so much fun dealing with to a degree. I do like a bit of drama, not too much!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
10:26 am

Dang it! Somebody beat me to it…

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:27 am

Simple dude: I pulled up the superstore online and the prices are expensive, I can find something comparable without having to drive all over town. THanks for the tip though

Oh yea, I was thinking the same thing about Target for balls and a glove
I’ll be there .

Question: can I get away with wearing jeans?
Funds a little low right now to buy clothes when I am working to lose weight and won’t be in my current size much longer.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
10:27 am

@Blackfoote – heeyy there…im with you, and its the statement i have given friends and SOs forever – ask me whatever you want, no need to snoop and play the “can i ask you a question” bit…ask what you want, i’ll either answer it or i wont…and if im not gonna answer, i’ll make sure you know it, no confusion, we’ll navigate from there…dont got time for games

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
10:27 am

i am… — You don’t have a profile on that site, do you…? ;-) :lol:

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
10:27 am

@I am whatever you say I am™

I think trust is a factor but I think it just boils down to human curiosity.

Like Wise said the person was a text type so I guess homegirl wanted to see what was up.

Have you and @Raqi EVER went through a guys belongings or anything that wasnt yours?

Definition of belongings:

Pockets, Phone, Email, Text Messages, Glove Compartment, Dresser?

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
10:28 am

Hey Raqi…you know I love me some you, as well….

Hey Mo….you can borrow my phone if you want….

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:29 am

Mdot, no you don’t just let people go thru your stuff. You call them out when you see them doing it. Why the need for the setup? That’s just playing games.

And yes I have looked in my man’s wallet and I have scrolled thru his phone with him sitting right there beside me. I wasn’t looking to catch him on anything I was just looking to see what was in there.

And yes I did look for a particular something with a guy that was seeing once and my “suspicion was confirmed. But the thing is the suspicion came first.

When I start to feel that I cannot trust someone I tend to break away. All that setting folks up has a tendency to backfire and you be the one caught.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
10:29 am

Would not mind her snooping if I like her

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
10:30 am

I would swap phones with my wife, we do it all the time and not on purpose. LOL we have the same type of phone

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:31 am

Purple: I emailed you.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:32 am

no swiss! LOL!

True story: I found an ex on dontdatehimgirl.com
WOW! his ex before me opened a whole can of worms!

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
10:33 am

My sis is going through this with her bf of which they just broke up yesterday. He sent her a text this morning saying he checked her phone records this morning too… WTF!

I do not want to be a snooper…I was in my relationship that lasted too long after certain things started not to add up. Now I try not to go looking for anything, don’t even want to get started because once you peep, then you turn into a full fledge snooper sniper. He leaves his phone laying around me and vice versa. If he goes in his phone, he doesn’t hide the code and I surely don’t try to remember it to even be tempted to go looky lookying. I also get left in his crib alone OFTEN and I don’t go through drawers, closets, mail…the fridge maybe but that’s about it. lol

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
10:33 am

Hi ARED,Leggs, and blue…….A lady can ask me anything she want got nothing to hide, she can be as nosy as can be. Just ask if you need to see my phone list or anything else

:D

Ideally, I’d like to get to a point where no one has to “check,” it just is what it is. I’ll call my sister sometimes, and her husband (my brother in law) will answer. There’s never a “why are you answering my phone” nonsense. The phone is ringing pick it up. If you’re not doing dirt, there should be no problem.

Back in the days of landlines, it had to be that way.

M. (pronouced Mdot)

September 30th, 2010
10:34 am

@Raqi

Like I said in my 10:20 post, I was coming out the shower and happened to catch her. I was giving a tip on how I caught her by mistake. Wasnt trying to. It was INCIDENTAL!

“And yes I have looked in my man’s wallet and I have scrolled thru his phone with him sitting right there beside me. I wasn’t looking to catch him on anything I was just looking to see what was in there.”

But this contradicts everything you said earlier. If you trust him etc, dont worry about whats in my wallet and phone. Im here sitting with you so worry about that.

If you have suspicions, just break away then!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:35 am

M.L : I have never quite felt a good vibe from you.
one of the reasons why I removed you from my friends list on facebook
I hope you don’t take offense to that.
I think that because of this vibe, may be the reason why you attract scandalous women to date.
M. Namaste!
remove the negative energy from yourself, pray, light a candle, sumthing!

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
10:35 am

“we have the same type of phone”

That reminds me of the movie Brown Sugar and that’s how Dre finds out his wife is cheating. The scene where he busts her in the restaurant is hilarious.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
10:36 am

Oh…that just reminded me of my favorite line from that movie….

“You are the perfect verse over a tight beat.”

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
10:36 am

SexyC, ditto your 10:22. but i was determined not to let my ex’s antics turn me into a distrusting snoop for the next guy. i let them do what they do and pray for my own strength and sanity come what may. just keep a watchful eye and be ever so cautious.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
10:37 am

@ M. No problem here. Just ask me.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
10:38 am

Good day, all!

My mother drilled not going thru her things so much that, after she passed and I had to clear out her things, I felt really funny going in her drawers and her purses! Like she was standing there, watching me! :) She used to scare us and say one day we would see something we didn’t want to see! So the nosy side of me, that I know was there, is gone. I really have no desire to go up in folks stuff. If it’s something really explosive, God will reveal it to me at the right time, on time.

I dated a guy that liked to set up traps to catch women snooping. He came right out and told me, because he was shocked when he left me in his apartment to get some food and everything was in order when he came back! That didn’t sit too well with me though. That was HIS first dating mistake that he had to make a comeback from! :(

I too have a friend that thinks I am crazy for not snooping. She scolded her sister for not snooping thru her husband’s things and finding out about his cheating earlier than when the shyt hit the fan. But this same friend has trust issues anyway with her husband. And in spite of all her snooping, he still managed to mess around on her and hide it until he confessed because the chick he messed with threatened to tell her!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
10:40 am

So how many of you here would switch phones with your significant other for a day?

M. s/o can have my phone for a week for all i care. “please respond and reply to the texts and messages for me while you’re at it, luv. thanx!” :wink:

funny thing … s/o left his phone at my house one night and was then trying to reach me on it by calling and texting. i never even looked at the thing because it’s HIS phone. he finally caught on and called me on my phone and i was like “yeah. it’s here.”. :)

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
10:40 am

I.Am Stay away from the Jeans if you can…A pair of Dockers and a polo type shirt is your safest bet…

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
10:42 am

On topic: Snooping is always a bad look. But then, so is still being secretive after you’ve crossed into the “serious relationship” stage. Over time you should reach a point where snooping is not necessary because the two of you are an open book to one another, but until you reach that point you should mind your own business

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:42 am

Mdot, no I didn’t contradict myself. Looking in a wallet with a person’s knowledge (aka permission) and snooping when they are not around are totally different instances. But okay you win. LOL

SexyCool, remember the post at my spot about me walking in the room and finding all of the contents of my purse on the table, I guess I should have kicked Elizabeth and Mason both out of the house that evening. LOL

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
10:44 am

@Ared?!

When my phone rings Queen answers it in a hot minute when iam not within reach.

Now me’, I don’t care for her ringing phone. She will ask me’ why I didn’t answer.

I don’t want to be yap yapping with her girlfriends. They need to mind their daamn business especially when we home together!

Heiffers!! :lol:

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
10:46 am

@czB ~ Right on! I would have done the same thing! That’s your phone, your texts, no need for me to answer. Figured once you realized you left your phone at my place, you’ll call ME ON MY PHONE! Set up 101!

blue™

September 30th, 2010
10:47 am

@Raqi – in with you, theres a big difference between snooping and asking a person straight out. i ask you if i can check your phone, wallet, whatever – you say yes, theres no tripping out later about me going behind your back, and no deflecting whatever i find with what were you doing in there anyway…im being straight up…now if you wanted to be straight up, youda told me about x,y,z that was in there, but thats another story, lol…..

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
10:50 am

The scene where he busts her in the restaurant is hilarious.

:lol:

“We’re here to celebrate…my divorrrrrceeee” :lol:

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
10:50 am

@SC

That 10:22 was brilliant.

That statement was self-confidence defined.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
10:50 am

What makes you want to go through someone elses stuff if they give you permission or not?

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:50 am

kimmie, what tickles me about the setups is they set you up to see if they can trust yet not realizing they have trust issue in having a need or desire to set you up. Evidently they have a problem trusting people so they set traps to entrap them. LOL

I worked with this guy once that had cheated so many times on women that he started suspecting every woman he dated of cheating. He nearly drove himself batty trying to find out if those women were cheating on him.

I guess those that feel the need to setup people are snoopers themselves. They recognize the signs and behavior. LOL

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:52 am

Thanks Simple: I was thinking the same thing after I typed that.
Capris okay since it’s still a little warm?

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
10:52 am

@ swiss: Yes an open book of course, I once showed a lady I had much interest in credit report, ssn, passport just to show I’m who I say I am I wasn’t afraid to do this because she done the same with me and no one took information home.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
10:52 am

You attract what you fear.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:53 am

I think that if you are at the point of snooping thru someone’s things without their knowledge or consent, it’s a dead giveaway that the relationship is already over.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
10:54 am

In all honesty though…ER’now and then…I feel just a twinge of curiosity (or old insecurities popping up) and I get an itch to just check…but…I don’t…because I value this relationship enough to not bring that element of distrust into it.

Besides…it is proven over and over AND OVER again…that’s what’s done in the dark will come to the light….which is of course, why I always say “Might as well do it with the lights on.”

It has happened on more than one occasion the things that I needed to know in a relationship were revealed to me without me having to go and search for them.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
10:54 am

I Am…That wold be perfect :)

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
10:57 am

Blue, I know. LOL I am by no means clueless to the fact that shyt happens. People cheat and people sneak around but unless I am given a reason to suspect foul living I will not be worrying myself into an early grave about.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
10:58 am

@I am whatever you say I am™

Was all of that 10:35 post intended for me?

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:59 am

:-) thanks simple!

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
10:59 am

Raqi…if you found out Mason was cheating, would you leave him?

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
10:59 am

M.
go play in the sandbox

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:01 am

M. : I am not trying to be mean or hurtful,
It’s just that your posts lately, really show just how puerile you really are.
I lack the patience.

Purple Rain

September 30th, 2010
11:01 am

I Am, I emailed you back.

And to the other bloggers you have to excuse “I Am” Since I gave her a ride on the joy stick she has not quite been the same. LOL…j/k

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
11:01 am

I value this relationship enough to not bring that element of distrust into it.

That’s what keeps my “snoopometer” at bay too.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:01 am

@2Can?

How many kids you got? U live with them?

blue™

September 30th, 2010
11:01 am

@PR – suspicious behaviour in many forms. in the past, i have posed the convo as if it were me, if were doing x,y,z – would you be suspicious? when they say, i say ok then im watching you do x,y,z time to straighten some stuff out…but in all honesty, only ever did that once we were in something serious, not wasting my time in the first month bothering
@Raqi – my favorite ones are when you arent even snooping – they say can you grab me a shirt out my drawer, chicks panties fall out; can you grab a 20 out my wallet so i can pay the pizza guy at the door, condoms fall out when yall aint using em; answer my phone, its prob my boy/boss/mom and i dont wanna miss it – no its some chick who hung up as soon as she heard my voice….priceless

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:02 am

There must be a lot of trust between me & anyone I deal with. Because of the setup in our household growing up, we could leave money, diamonds, SS card, anything laying around and it would be right where we left it.

I had one man to steal from me and when I found out, I erased him, his mama and daughters from my life with the quickness! He can rot for all I care and he better be glad I didn’t tell the top security gov’t agency he worked for! :(

My SO is a lawyer that works for a corporate firm. He also does some consulting from home. He has all kinds of confidential stuff around. He has trusted me since the beginning and I’ve never touched his things. He’s asked me to answer his phone when he couldn’t and he’s answered mine, but we just keep our personal stuff seperate. Not to be evasive, just the way it is. We both have iphones, but he is so much more a techy than me, so if we switched phones, I’d probably be confused!LOL!! But maybe I’ll do that because he knows all the cool applications and would put them on my phone! :)

Swiss- I totally agree with you about the “secretivness” when you are supposed to be at the serious point in a relationship.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:02 am

Eddie Long. I just wanted to be the first person to say it today :)

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
11:02 am

@I am whatever you say I am™

Cool. Thanks. ;)

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
11:04 am

LOL ~ how many looked up “puerile?”

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
11:04 am

Melo…..2 kids…..not since ‘08 have they lived with me full time..

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:04 am

Speaking of insecurities…TheDude and I were having a conversation recently and the topic came up. And what he said made me googly eyed for him all over again.

“Babe, if you ever feel insecure in this relationship, it means that I’m not doing something I’m supposed to be doing and I need to do more.”

(sighs…I so *heart* THATdude!)

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:05 am

Maybe I am from a different time or something because all this “privacy” and secrecy among spouses and committed couple is just something I am not familiar. To me it’s akin to living separate lives although you claim to be together.

I can sex up every way every day from here to Timbuktu but you better not see what’s in my wallet. GTFOH

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:06 am

Of course, he could be totally discounting the fact that my ass can be completely crazy for no reason sometimes. LOL!

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:09 am

It’s not “better not see” but why would you want to see? I have never had a desire to go through her purse because I have never cared about what’s in there. I have gone in there a few times to clean her .380 but that’s it and that is only after I aske her to get it for me and she tells me its still in her purse. I am asking what makes a person want to look in a wallet or purse not if it’s okay to do it or not.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
11:09 am

Raqi geeze you touched off a bomb when you said that. This is a huge reason why I had to cut of the a dude. We’ve known each other 17+ years, been twisting for a minute here and there. But I tell you what as soon as I ask a personal question he’s all mr.clamuprighttight. And these are simple direct questions not asking for his SS#. Just random well what I thought was just random conversation questions.
I’ve been ignoring his texts for about 2 weeks. Changing my number next week, doubt he will be getting the new one.

I had to get off the dumb train with him.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:09 am

2Can?

Cool…want anymore if right chick pops up to marry?
(sorry for the quiz early this morning bro)

@Kimmie?’

You have sung high and low pitched fir your guy for a time now..what’s up with the marriage thing?

Ain’t he giving you pressure or is he not feeling any?
Ever come up in your 2 way convos??

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:10 am

LOL @ Leggs!

Dear Bloggsville Financial Members:

This blog is for entertainment purposes.
Do not take offense unless I am speaking to you directly which in that case, you need to man up!

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
11:10 am

@ blue: You’re funny as hell, But straight on my kinda gal.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:11 am

Here let me clear the air:

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!;-)

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:14 am

Wow..It seems as if I am in the minority here….While I don’t have anything to hide, I still believe that everyone is should have things that are just for them…My E-mails, are for me not whomever i happen to be dating…Same with my phone calls…Whoever I happen to be dating has to respect the fact that I respect her enough not to be sideways …I will trust and respect you and your space..I expect the same…

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:15 am

I Am, I think you need another adjustment. Please call my assistant. LOL

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:15 am

Just Heard that my future baby daddy Vin Diesel is Atlanta shooting fast and furious 5 :p

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
11:15 am

awwww SexyC. just awwwwww! :)

Raqi, you bring to mind something that happened to me not too long ago with a male co-worker (i was kinda tight with him AND his wife). i was out of town when my son needed a ride home from a game, so i tried to reach the co-worker to see if they were in the area to pick my son up. the message i left specifically said “if you and lisa are not busy and don’t mind taking a ride down to the field ……”. well, i never heard back from either of them so i arranged for a cab to get my boy. no worries.

come monday morning she calls me at the office and SHREDDED ME because she saw that he had a missed call from me with a message which she could not access because (unbeknownst to her) he had changed his password. all of a sudden i’m the suspected ‘other woman’.

bottom line … he had a history of shenanigans, she had insecurities and i wished them both good luck and good riddance. no time for it i tell ya. no time! :mad:

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:16 am

Raqi?!

Going in your Hubby wallet is insecure even if he is your husband. I never peek in my wife purse. What for? I ain’t Sophia!

If she wants me’ to get some from there I give her the purse to retrieve herself. It’s called respect!

I font mind her scrolling in my phone if she happens to be using it but I recognize the move. It’s an insecure one but won’t raise no he’ll about it coz she is my wife.

Funny thing is everytime I see her email open as I try to use the laptop, I logg it off.

Every secure person must do the same, couple or no couple never mind your year of birth.!

It’s called RESPECT!!

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:16 am

Melo – I know you’ve been itching to ask me about that! Let’s put it this way: if I’m still with him, it sure has come up! And when I have something definite in place, I will let you & the blog know. :)

Purple Olive – I agree – I really don’t care what’s in his wallet and such.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:16 am

Simple Man, just be lucky if you get to keep the garage as yours. LOL

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:17 am

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:17 am

Sometimes…Mike Luckovich is an @sshol#….at other times, he is a genuis!

LMAO!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:19 am

Okay truth be told purple, I’m off the rocker lately for lack of adult exercise in :o almost 5 months.
:cry: yep, I’m dying over here.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
11:19 am

“want anymore if right chick pops up to marry?”
(sorry for the quiz early this morning bro)

it’s cool (the questions)….herein lies my current dilemma; Jr. will be 18, Monday. Babygirl is actually my stepdaughter; she’s been calling me daddy since she was 2 years old, so that’s what I am! And I’ve always relished the fact that my son will be grown before I turn 40, and that would be it for me…..do I want to raise anymore? Not really…just being honest…..but I think I could set aside my selfish reasons and do it again…..with the right one….but my tolerance level for dumbshyt is so low, til it’s almost unfair. Cause I ain’t gon lie, my kids are pretty damn good…and to have to deal with somebody else’s bad ass child would drive me crazy…

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:21 am

2CPTG I can answer that very truthfully for you but not here. Too many immature onlookers just looking for fuel to keep crap going all the damn time.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:21 am

Simple – I agree with you on this – I noticed my parents growing up. Even though they were married they respected each other’s space. My dad didn’t go thru my mothers purse unless she asked him to get something. Not that she was hiding anything, that was just her “space”.

That’s my thought process with my relationships. We should respect each other’s personal space without it being perceived as hiding something from the other.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:22 am

2CPTG, nothing wrong with any of that. That’s mature and honest.

I Am, I figured as much, us men can spot when a woman needs some adult exercise from a mile away and we are only wrong 50% of the time. LOL I bet you are going to have a nice drive on the golf range since you are getting any. LOL

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
11:22 am

“I Am, I think you need another adjustment” That was funny!

@I am ~ straight up speaking your mind! Pretty sure the blog loves you right back!

@czB ~ WOW!!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:22 am

ARED, My 11:14 does not apply to you….Like T.I. says.. “You can do whatever you liiiike!!!” :D :D :D

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:23 am

2CPTG, Imma send my answer to SexyCool and if she will do me the favor I trust her enough to tell you what I said. ‘kay

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:24 am

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:26 am

I think its obvious when someone is cheating. Things don’t add up. Sidenote: do you think its wrong to constantly ask someone where they were going or who was it that call or who they called? I mean I do that all the time if he’s like I’ll be back i’ll be like where you going or where did you go?

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:26 am

2Can!

I understand what you saying and feel the same!

My Daddy called me’ this past weekend(just as well I wasn’t gon call him) asking about my fam and asked the question:
When are you popping another kid??

Told him ‘No maas, I’ve had enough!’
He laughed!

Daamn expensive this rugrats!

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:26 am

Breaking, I just don’t get it. I am not about giving my heart and body completely over to a man that has a problem with me seeing that he gets discount emails from Hertz in his email box. Or he keeps a picture of his mother in his wallet.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:28 am

Darn it!
I put too much water in my oatmeal :evil:

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:28 am

YES – Sounds like nagging. Dudes don’t like it.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:31 am

I am on the same wavelength as Rock AND kimmie and even Melo on this one.

If we are in a committed relationship, you should not have a PROBLEM with me having access to your personal space/belongings. (Notice I didn’t say snooping through as if I am Inch-High Private Eye.)

At the same time, I respect my partner’s space/belongings.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:32 am

Raqi – I agree with your 11:26, especially if dude is being evasive. I feel as long as we are respecting each other’s space in general, if I ask him can I get something out of his wallet, he shouldn’t freak out.

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
11:32 am

@YES

You’re either my girl or my PO. Don’t constanly ask me about my whereabouts or I’ll have to treat you like my PO.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:34 am

It is nagging!

@YesSheIs?!!

If he loves u that much he may tolerate.

If u get benched, that’s why!

If you love somebody(something) set them/it free, if they don’t come back there were never yours anyway!

ever heard that????????

Try it sometimes!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:36 am

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:37 am

Sexxy!

And even Melo?

Ok, let me’ go to the chatahoochee river,scrub this Leprosy off and when I come back may be u like me’ better!

:lol:

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:38 am

Oh…and I’m reminded of a Steve Harvey/Nephew Tommy bit where they are always saying that if a man will break his neck to get to his phone before you can even pick it up to hand it to him….well….you might have reason to be suspicious.

LOL!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
11:38 am

Simple, i don’t think you’re in the minority at all. many have posted that respecting one another’s things/info/space/etc. is a must.

kimmie … it does sound like nagging, and chicks don’t like it either. :) i’m learning to balance on that fine line between answering s/o’s ??? (because he takes an interest in the most inane things in my life) and feeling like he’s pretty darn nosey. LOL

2can … i’m right there witcha. the last thing i expected was to be deeply involved with someone with a very young child. it’s a difficult adjustment. you’ll get through it if you truly love the woman and like being around the kid.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:39 am

LOL! Melo, you nutcase. I like you fine, leprosy and all. We just don’t always agree….that is all.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:40 am

YES – Is this the guy you spoke of earlier, that gave you a 2nd chance after you went thru his stuff?

Girl, you better chill.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
11:40 am

@Raqi – “privacy” and secrecy” imo, thats the big deal there. theres a difference between privacy (why you shouldnt snoop) and secrecy (why cant i ask a question without you getting hyper and defensive)..
@Blackfoote – …ty, ty…i’ll be answering direct questions all day, but will be sh00ting all snoopers in teh foot with my crossbow…

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:40 am

WOW I feel really bad now…honestly my family does it to me all the time and now I see where I get it from. I will definitely fall back on that thanks guys.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:41 am

chicks don’t like it either.

Brat – Girl, we think alike!

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:42 am

Will someone answer this. What makes you even have the desire or want to look in a wallet/purse? Even if it is okay, you have permission, you feel comfortable doing so or you are sneaking. Why do it at all?

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:42 am

blue…privacy v. secrecy…very well stated.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
11:42 am

Raqi exactly that’s why I had to let it go. I think for me it was a comfort zone, being with someone with so much history. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to feel like I’m prying open a 2000 year old tombstone just to get a straight forward answer.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:43 am

What would a dude have in his wallet that he would be trying to hide????

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2010
11:44 am

SexyCool – at your 11:17, I saw that too and HOLLERED this AM!!! LMBAO!!

2CPTG – I heart you man….and you can have my phone but if Idris Elba texts me dont respond. :smile: (lol!)

Man I want a good caramel cake…..

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

“What would a dude have in his wallet that he would be trying to hide????”

Money that his chick hadn’t siphoned out of him yet? :lol:

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

simple man was that question for me?

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

Purple – I know I don’t. But I guess I’m not curious about such. The only way I could see it is if I was truly suspicious and trying to find out something, like was he using an alias or something. But then, I would not be dating him. I’m real scary about stuff and don’t want to get caught up unknowingly in any criminal activities. So the day I feel I gotta do that, I gotta go! :shock:

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

@Raqi

Privacy in this day and age is tantamount/equates to respect. Respect my privacy and my right to it and I’ll do the same.

I’ll let you in in due time, but let that be in my time.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:47 am

Simple Man, exactly. I mean you stop carrying rubbers in you wallet by 21. I leave my wallet all over the place.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:48 am

kimmie, it’s not even a matter of respecting my mate’s space. I don’t go thru my husband’s stuff all willy nilly other than looking thru his wallet that time but my problems lies with the secrecy and privacy in relationships these days.

When the person has a “secret” something (drawer, wallet, phone, etc) that you are not allowed to see or touch. That’s what I don’t get in relationships these days.

I am trying to word it in a way that you understand what I am saying. Maybe this will do it, we don’t ramble thru each other’s stuff looking for whatever, but we don’t lock each other out either. Does that make sense to you?

So many of these conversations that are had on here makes it seem like people are living in relationships with people that they aren’t allowed and don’t allow full access. It’s not so much as what one may want to see but more so what they are being prevented from seeing. Makes sense?

And again I am not talking about disrespecting belongings.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:49 am

I’ll let you in in due time, but let that be in my time.

Dan, that’s what I said in my first comment. I agree.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:50 am

kimmie, I am the same way. There is nothing that will make me just want to go through her purse, she leaves it all over the place as well. I am not nosey and if I thought something was amiss I would still not be going through her purse. Just the fact of wanting go through it either means you are “looking for something” nosey or just nosey. IMO LOL

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:50 am

Who here opens your mates mail?

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:51 am

Raqi – I totally get what you are saying. I have trouble wording things sometimes on here, but yes I know what you are talking about! :)

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:51 am

Yesshe is… it was for everybody???? I mean I rarely even put loot in my wallet! My ID and Building access card…Credit card but thats it… Wait I hopt the are not still dudes carrying old phone numbers in the wallet….or like PR said, that old dried out condom….

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:55 am

Raqi?!

So the answer to10:59 question is not

Yes or No but depends!?

You will try to work it out??

I hope Ared is listening!!!

:lol:

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:56 am

I gotta go pee pee :shock:

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
11:57 am

Brat, I’d rather deal with a youngster, than an adolescent; the youngins you can “train ‘em up in a way that they” won’t get on ya damn nerves; but these new age teens may not have been raised to your liking/standards, and you try to instill some real shyt in their lives, and they rebel. Me, I ain’t havin it….

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:57 am

@ SIMPLE MAN I was asking if it was a response to my anecdote was about going through the wallet.
But yeah i wasn’t looking for incriminating evidence b/c he’s so into fixing on his hobby car i really doubt it. I’ve never seen him drool over a girl the way he drools over a souped up ride so…. I used to ask people if i could see their wallet only b/c it usually gives you an idea about their personality. My wallet has my school id, my expired miltary dependent id, my frequent flyer card (which I do not use since my flights are always free :) ), my metro card for when I’m in nyc, discount cards from various retailers, cards and a lot of receipts. Very rarely cash.

But anyway I’ve always asked. Never will i just look again!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
11:58 am

LMAO @ Melo.

to clarify, SexyC, s/o will actually hold his phone up to read texts or see who’s calling him so he doesn’t seem to care if i see his business. i just feel no NEED to know his business. we were riding around the other day and i was shotgun manning the lap, so he gave me his password to access his info. now, i could have committed that to memory if i was a snoop but NOPE. no inclination, no reason, no need.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:59 am

how do you smilies the different fonts on here?

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
11:59 am

My ex had a secret compartment in his truck he had before it got wrecked….and he had condoms in there…trojans to be exact of which i’m allergic to. Go figure

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
12:00 pm

Slim it was not so secret if you found it. LOL

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
12:01 pm

Who here opens your mates mail

Purple, Depends on what it is. Some items whether addressed to him or me is “our” mail. Some items are not.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
12:02 pm

Raqi, why not all mail?

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
12:03 pm

Raqi – Some men get off on having that secrecy going, even if they are not up to anything. I’ve been in situations like that. It’s almost like they like rubbing it in your face that you don’t have access to certain things, much less full access. They like to try to keep you guessing or “on your toes” as one told me. That is just another type of game being played out here in the dating world, nothing more. It’s stupid and juvenile.

One guy that comes to mind was the dude I mentioned in an earlier post, that stole from me. He used to love to leave town for the weekend and not say anything to me about it. I would call him and get no answer and not here from him until Monday or Tuesday. He said we were not married so he didn’t have to report his whereabouts to me! The thing was, he was game-playing because his trips were really for his job and they wouldn’t even come up in general conversation. After he did it the first time, I just stopped calling or asking. He finally saw how stupid it looked and stopped. Evasiveness and secrecy, for no reason but to create drama. The crazy thing is that I’ve found the more you are open with each other and the more access you freely give, the less questions need to be asked. Things seem to flow better and you have an atmosphere of trust.

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
12:04 pm

Anyone here ever been to Chile?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
12:09 pm

Elijah – @It’s me…Lurker…I’m a little disappointed in you….Simple Man c’mon now….But I will forgive you once you take me to lunch…

Awwww, don’t be like that. You know you’re still my blog fav :)

On topic: I think every individual owes it to another to be respectful of phones, emails, etc. I also think every individual should be honest about their doings…what’s to conceal if there’s nothing to hide. Just because it’s a spouse I don’t think one should cash in on going through things however I do believe nothing should be done or hidden so much so that it’s a shock or something you “stumbled” upon. Everything should be an open book without necessarily making it an open book. I was picked up for lunch and left sitting in the car while he went into the bank….2 blackberrys on the console. I don’t know it that was bait or just really left there. Didn’t touch nor was tempted. IMO, even if you’re tempted, learn how not to induldge into that sort of thing. If you’re not a person big on trust that’s the only way you’ll learn. If you’ve been a person that’s snooped in the past, that’s how to get past that sort of thing. When the temptation come, walk away and leave it alone. If there’s something distrustful lurking beneath in time it will reveal itself. I’m sort of like someone said earlier, don’t want to be nobody’s fool but don’t want to be cynical and jaded. So I had to tell myself this (cause I use to be like heck no ain’t nobody cheating/duping me) I cannot control other folks actions and what a person does or lack in the way of honesty and commitment and being forthcoming…that’s them….nothing to do with me and my character. I didn’t really have to learn this but I’m this way, I will give a person the benefit of the doubt, if you screw up or commit a deal breaker, so you’ll know I wasn’t playing, I’m done. No do overs.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
12:09 pm

blue™

September 30th, 2010
12:10 pm

@kimmie – Evasiveness and secrecy, for no reason…The crazy thing is that I’ve found the more you are open with each other and the more access you freely give, the less questions need to be asked. – well said, all that dodging just to show me that you dont have to answer me does more harm than good…when we stop acting like its you vs. me and more like us, then it all just flows

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
12:13 pm

Czbrat?

What inane stuff does he ask!
PR?

I don’t open her email either unless she’s in hospital or some!

I just know I trained this woman to love me’ so no insecurity here!

Well trained woman! Lol

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
12:13 pm

And if you live your life an open book then folks ain’t inclined to wonder what you’re up to. It’s only when you act secretive and suspect does that gets folks juices going.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
12:13 pm

Melo, I don’t open her mail either.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
12:15 pm

That is funny that you use the word “trained” but that is EXACTLY what it is.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
12:15 pm

It’s me – Your 12:13 & other post – Well said!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
12:17 pm

great posts kimmie & blue. now there is something i have to work on. being an introvert and a bit on the shy side causes me to do a lot of watching and taking things in, not so much speaking my thoughts and feelings. s/o has tried to cope with the lack of communication and realize it’s not secrecy (and certainly not intentional drama), i just don’t feel the need to share every lil thing that crosses my mind. but i’m learning to open up a bit more so he doesn’t have to feel like he’s prying all the time. we’re a work in progress :)

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
12:20 pm

@Kimmie

It’s not about secrecy, it’s really is about respect.

Respect my space, my isht, and likewise, I’ll respect yours (ie. SC’s friend who asked her husband to respect her space).

It’s the same thought process: mine, yours, ours.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
12:30 pm

Where is REal at?
I need one of his skits to make me laugh.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
12:30 pm

still laughin at how Real said to simple dude: “Put your got Dayum hand down!”

LMAO!

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
12:32 pm

Dan – I agree about the respect.

But in my case I described above – it WAS secrecy. Intentional drama.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
12:33 pm

White Man??

Ian lucky I plucked her when she was just about to bloom. So the only mould she knows is mine,The Melo version of the living bible.
It would be harder to mould if it were am’ older chick with some hang ups from her pasts.

U know what they say about teaching an d dog new tricks.

It would be like Benny Madoff asking John Gotti to take care of his millions.
A trick asking another trick to cut their hair, as they say on Zulu.

You will get an unsolicited Mohawk instead of a fade!

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
12:35 pm

Brat – I am kind of the same way. I clown and am very talkitive – until it comes to my feelings. I am working hard on it, especially in this relationship!

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
12:35 pm

Luving bible

As they say in zulu

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
12:35 pm

melo, it’s stuff that is just trivial imo. it’s not enough for me to say i’m busy after work, he wants to know what i’m doing (ex: stop @ publix, visit sister, etc.), and it’s not enough for me to say i had a rough day at work, he wants to know what made it so rough. he likes details; i like the big picture.

it would be easy to see that as a sign of suspicion, because i used to see it that way. but i’ve explained how it comes across; he’s explained why he’s so concerned, and the longer we’re together the better we gel. he has learned to fill in the blanks for himself, because he knows me now. i have learned to paint a clearer picture, because i now know him.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
12:37 pm

Melo we are on the exact same page.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
12:41 pm

Kimmie…thanks :)

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
12:41 pm

czB…TheDude and I are opposite. He can ask ONE question and I will give him ALL the details. If I ask ONE question, he answers the question that I asked. If I wanted more information, I had to ask more questions.

We had to talk about that because I was starting to feel like I was giving him the third degree when really, I’m just interested in what goes on in his life.

On the other hand, I’m learning to ask better questions. LOL!

White Man

September 30th, 2010
12:44 pm

SexyCool…that is a fundamental difference in the sexes. Communication

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
12:44 pm

…that is a fundamental difference in the sexes. Communication

yep, I think so too

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
12:45 pm

That’s the key, SexyC ~ asking better questions. I’m a detailed person as well, but I quickly learned men will only answer what you ask. You have to find that question(s) that will solicit more detail.

Robert

September 30th, 2010
12:48 pm

This is one of the problems with dating. Technology (cell phones, internet, etc.) has a tremendous affect on relationships. The one thing that I stress to my woman is what is “appropriate” versus “inappropriate” behavior for using technology such as cell phones. For example I prefer not to send “text messages” as a normal form of communications. Why? Most mature older men do not “text” unless it is business related (work, etc.). As a mature older man I feel it is an invasion of my privacy. My woman and I both agree when we are together it’s best to turn off the cell phone which is the appropriate behavior. Younger men who might have grown up in a single parent home (mom only) are more likely to pickup “texting” will participate inappropriate behaviors such as cronic “texting”. I hate to see a man “texting” as a form of communication. I tell my daughter who is in her 20’s the practice of “texting” just to be “texting” is not normal for a man and is a sign that the man might be gay or on the down low. “Texting” is for women who have nothing better to do with their fingers or time. “Texting” is a waste of time and is very inappropriate when starting a new dating relationship.

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
12:50 pm

well, SC, you know EXACTLY what we’re going through. i will say that a good bit of my lack of communication stems from the fact that we keep in touch mostly by phone, text and emai. we generally only see each other on weekends. i’m waaaaaay better at clarity in person than trying to cover everything in a darn message.

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
12:50 pm

Purp – well it was sort of a ‘hidden’ compartment…almost like the place where you’d think the fuse box would be but it wasn’t. He was playing bball one day and I went and sat in the truck, ended up getting bored so just started playing with stuff…then POOF there they were staring back at me, Trojans in a red wrapper. Of course, he told me they were his friends…i’m like Riiiiiiigggghhht, your friends rubbers…um, do you use them for him too? lol :roll:

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
12:53 pm

Quite true…because still, he will give me the Cliff Notes answer…I will just look at him and say, “Mars/Venus.” He’ll start laughing and respond a little further.

The other thing…we can talk about something and later he will act like I’m bringing it up for the first time. I’ve told him that I’m convinced that he only listens to 90% of what I say and he maintains that I only tell him 90% of what he needs to know. Now, when it happens and he goes into his “first time hearing it/I’m confused” look, I just look at him and say “90%.” and we both start laughing.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
12:54 pm

Anyone here ever been to Chile?

Hi ARed : No but have been to South America, Lima Peru just above Chile beautiful country.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
12:56 pm

Younger men who might have grown up in a single parent home (mom only) are more likely to pickup “texting” will participate inappropriate behaviors such as cronic “texting”.

That ain’t limited to single family homes. That’s just what folks do now cause we live in a time of convenience.

Kym

September 30th, 2010
12:57 pm

Good Afternoon All,

Again ya’ll wait until I am out of the office and have these great discussions..Should I give you jokers my schedule?

Regarding the topic.. I have made some mistakes..but going thru someone’s pockets and wallet is not one of them. I am more of the “you’ll slip up and then I will catch ya.” While I am a paranoid dater..even I have limits..I would rather dream about and make up what I think you are doing and let my imagination run away with me..than start rambling thru some bloke’s (I’m British today) stuff.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
12:58 pm

Lurker…I believe we live in a time when our youth is scared of reality. They do not know how to communicate face to face because of texting, blogs and chat rooms. I believe this will hinder them later in life.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:02 pm

One thing that made me REALLY re-evaluate father/daughter visitation and the locale was the fact that instead of his behind coming to visit, he’d start rambling and looking through my things….drawers, closets, purses. Idiot. Oh and asking my daugther “your mommie got a boyfriend?” I know how folks feel about the noncustodial parents and their rights but if you infringe upon my, you lose yours.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:02 pm

That is like women in a social setting. They are so used to getting texts or emails that when a man actually approaches them and starts a conversation they feel very surprised.

Flavor

September 30th, 2010
1:02 pm

Ok you have to watch it. Word of wisdom be very careful if you bring an extra person into your relationship and make some physical comparisons! I made that mistake and it took months to repair! anybody made a mistake like that?

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:04 pm

Flavor….do yo have an open marriage?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:04 pm

White Man – I can’t say IMO if it’s scared of reality but I do agree, the inability to have dialog and communicate will be a hindrance. Sometimes just knowing how to talk and communicate will seal the deal but if you have exercised and practiced you will definitely come up short.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:05 pm

haven’t exercised not have excercised

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
1:05 pm

Another comment that I wanted to make that speaks directly to wording of today’s topic…Recovering from dating mistakes.

I do believe that you have the opportunity to recover from dating mistakes. You just may be unable to do it within the relationship that you were in when you screwed up. You are, however, always have the opportunity to take the lesson forward with you.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:06 pm

It’s me….lurker

Oh boy was really playing the “Does mommy have a boyfriend game” ???
He was dead azz crazy, HUH?

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:06 pm

Lurker you are correct. Most men do not know how to speak their minds to a woman. Wheither it be to ask on a date or to have a one night stand.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:09 pm

Simple Man….ALL THE TIME. I got sooo sick of that mess. I kid you not, it may sound unbelievable but fighting him off me EVERYTIME was another. I know somebody will jump on this cause I know he was a grown man but I started making him either sit on the porch with her or meet somewhere.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:09 pm

Ca I Piggy back on SC’s 1:05???

Are the ladies here willing to give a guy a second chance if they cut him off and then they find out that they may have been wrong???

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:10 pm

White Man I agree but I was speaking more to the inability and lack to communicate in life…overall. They ain’t gonna make it through a dang interview because it will be in person versus over the airwaves…lol

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:11 pm

It’ me…. Did you put it on jim like that???LOL I know its not funny but teh image of dude trying to steal a kiss or dry humping everytime you got close is…well sad…..

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:12 pm

White man?

so what’s the right tone and wording if u really wanna hit it for one night or short term?

Be generous in your hand holding of me on the subject……’……….

Go!

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
1:12 pm

I think texting is a viable means of communication.

A text during work hours shows that I’m thinking about you.

A text after work (but between those “free nights” time) shows that I’m thinking about you and my phone bill.

A call should be reserved for having a conversation, texts are like hidden post-it notes, just a little something nice.

Now to hold a conversation by text is silly.

Prefacto

September 30th, 2010
1:13 pm

Like I said when she was going through the text on my cell. Go on ahead. I ain’t got nothing to hide. And I don’t know why you made such a big fuss about catching me going through your pantie drawer.

Flavor

September 30th, 2010
1:13 pm

white man- yes we have an open one- we love the variety-anybody else make theirs work like that? And any mistakes?

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm

Melo…just be honest and let her know what you want.

Kym

September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm

@Simple Man..It depends on what I was wrong about. Reasons for relationships going south are not always Tyrone did wrong..could be Tyrone was just a bad choice at the time..if Tyrone has improved with age..then I might be willing to hang out with Tyrone again.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm

Flavor are you new at that style of relationship. I have been in one for 13 years.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:15 pm

White Man

Funny you mention I have found myself intimidated before when trying to talk to a lady that was super attractive only to find out that she was lonely as hell because men were afraid to approach her.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:16 pm

I wouldn’t say that…I mean it was ALWAYS kinky (cause he was a fraaareak) but IMO it had more to do with his jacked up mentality versus fiyah. He was pretty much my first and that lasted some years. I was what one would consider a “good girl” so I just think he didn’t want me to find another. He wasn’t really trying to be with me at that time he just thought if he kept me with the jones for him I wouldnt venture elsewhere…just what I believe.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
1:18 pm

“…to hold a conversation by text is silly.” Can’t stand it!

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:19 pm

Me either………to hold a conversation by text is silly.” Can’t stand it!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:19 pm

It’s me….lurker

Is he still trying???

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:20 pm

I ain’t believing men talking about being to intimated to approach a woman….for real? Or a woman that says ALL men are too intimated to approach…something about that don’t jive

K-Diddy

September 30th, 2010
1:20 pm

I’m not into snooping or asking a lot of questions either. I tend to treat guys like I want to be treated. I don’t want you all in my space unless I’m emotionally invested, then unfortunately I’m the information superhighway.

Sidebar: If someone calls you and they always go on and on, but never really ask you any questions, then when they’re finished talking they just kind of sit there..ie not engaging in a conversation, rather a monologue; Is that a sign of social ineptness, self-centeredness, or a combo?

This guy I’ve only gone out w/ a couple of times calls me, but really doesn’t have much to say. Never engages me, but just gives info and allows me to ask him ???’s to carry the convo. It’s numbing talking to him and I’m wondering if he’s just socially awkward or if he thinks that what he’s saying is so much more important (eventhough brotha ain’t saying ish). I can’t bring myself to go out with dude again and it sucks cuz he’s got all the checkmarks, but zero personality.

Christie

September 30th, 2010
1:21 pm

Well based on the fact that women have “gut feelings” about those things that go off in our heads when something doesn’tt sound right, or appear like someone says; she obviously had signs that this guy is texting someone like crazy;now if she knows he’s not texting her that much;it’s kinda clear whats going on. Yea it’s wrong to go through his phone,but in my opinion if you have to go through his cell, emails ,etc;you already know he’s cheating so why bother;just drop him and move on;plenty fish in the sea.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:22 pm

WHite Man Flavor

Open Relationship? Exactly how does that work? Never done it just curious.

Bishop Eddie

September 30th, 2010
1:23 pm

Yeah you right.And sending pictures is silly and dangerous. Live and learn.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:24 pm

Simple man – Heck no…LOL The last time we talked, I mean talked was a couple of years back when I was in a pretty deep in a relationship and he was hanging on to some chick that had a bunch of material stuff…so he says. I did tell him I wish he’d gon and seal the deal so I could get my child support payments consistently…of course he could laugh about that. He stopped by unexpectedly New Years day 2009 as I was leaving my house. Of course there was a slight altercation because he followed me. I pulled over into a gas station and got out of my car, got his tag number and threatened to call the cops…he left.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

“I can’t bring myself to go out with dude again and it sucks cuz he’s got all the checkmarks, but zero personality.”

Been there, done that. It’s a form of torture.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

Robert

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

It’s me….lurker

That’s why it’s important that ALL MEN refrain from participating in this “inappropriate” behavior. My Daddy would call me a “sissy” if he thought I was “texting” my woman all the time. ALL MEN please be a MAN and pickup the phone and call her. Do not let her continue with inappropriate behaviors such as sending “text” messages as a preferred form of communication. Women want men to be in control and tell them what to do. You will get control of your relationship.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

@K-diddy ~ combo, but mostly self-centeredness!

BTW, YESHEISCUTE ~ glad you’ve realized that’s not cool and is willing to change. When you hear yourself interrogating, LOL, spin around in place, take a deep gulp, give him a hug and say NEVA MIND!

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:26 pm

Robert I agree…I hate texting

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:27 pm

It’s me….lurker @ 1:20

Aain maybe its just me, but I have NEVER been afraid to aproach a lady regardless of what she looks like… I am always nice and respectful, and teh worst thing she can do is express disintrest and walk away or ans me to leave, My odds going in are always 50/50..so whats to be scared of???

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
1:27 pm

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:28 pm

Simple Man, I likes a man that ain’t scared to go for it…you know? That speaks volumes about him and his confidence.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm

Hmmmm…..Here we go again!!!
Sooooooo, It’s me, you got a minute…..

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm

K-diddy – Maybe ya’ll should get out and do something. Break the ice..sort of

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm

Dan – I agree with your post about texting.

Me & SO exchange good morning texts and may confirm later plans via text. We are both busy at work so we don’t spend a lot of time on the phone like two teenagers. We may text a food order or ask the other to pick up something at the store.

Texting allows us to touch base during a work day without getting in the way of our jobs. Other than that, most of our communication is in person.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:33 pm

White man?

So white chics are ok for one to ask one night stand questions like that?
How about asking if their oral game is tight…is that off base?

By the way do u date sisters??

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:33 pm

You’re silly. Gon ‘head and do your thang and get with AmazonRed

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
1:34 pm

Bishop Eddie

September 30th, 2010
1:35 pm

I only text when I’m driving or riding a horse. Get it Luckovich?

Flavor

September 30th, 2010
1:36 pm

Blackfoote open relationship to us means we can have another partner as long as the other is present-adds a little life to the deal. Just have to be very secure with each other-respectful to
white-man 13 years! So you have many other partners??
Just wondering any dating blunders with this type out there? You got to watch what you say lol

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:39 pm

It’s me….lurker

Wait one moment never did I mention I was afraid of anything, I have approached many women with out a flinch you call it what may but that was during my teen years is what I was refering to White Man on so don’t be so easy to judge we should all know this by now.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:40 pm

@It’s me’?

Did u say ‘ I likes a man’ 1:28 pm, in error or that’s how u speak?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:40 pm

Blackfoote – so don’t be so easy to judge we should all know this by now.

And don’t be so quick to get offended. It’s a blog, you put it out there it gets spoken to

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
1:41 pm

Toucan – I’ll be in the Panhandle tomorrow. Will you be around?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:42 pm

Melo – I said it on purpose…I likes a man. I speak very well. I don’t see you checking 2Can and he’s blogs like that all the time. I like the flavor in that.

And I just KNOW you ain’t tripping on anybody’s grammar. We need a decoder for your posts sometimes…LOL

blue™

September 30th, 2010
1:43 pm

ok, so what are we talking about now? hating on texters and another open relationship?

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
1:45 pm

Hi ARed : No but have been to South America, Lima Peru just above Chile beautiful country.

Thank you Blackfoote!

Bishop Eddie

September 30th, 2010
1:46 pm

Oh yeah, I’ve caught a chick going through my texts. How did I handle it? Ask my first wife.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
1:46 pm

Women want men to be in control and tell them what to do.

:shock:

Last time I check I was a grown woman. In fact, I thought everyone on here was grown.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm

@It’s me’!

I ain’t trying to correct, only to understand.
I follow 2Can and there is no confusion.
It’s me’?
Not correcting, just trying to understand.

I follow 2Can and understand.
Was trying to understand u as well coz u normally don’t write that way!

U see u one of my favorites! :lol:

I

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm

It’s me…..lurker

No my dear didn’t get offended I just didn’t bring where it I could have been more specific. Since those teens years I have come up tremendously.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm

It’s me….lurker @ 1:33

:D :D :D Just teasing…LOL

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
1:48 pm

being in control and telling me what to do are most certainly NOT the same thing. but maybe that’s just me. :roll:

PMC

September 30th, 2010
1:49 pm

Life is more easily lived when you live it honestly.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
1:52 pm

“Toucan – I’ll be in the Panhandle tomorrow. Will you be around?”

yep, gimme a call….

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
1:52 pm

luv that ^, PMC

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:55 pm

It’s me…..lurker

You’re right on too when it’s put out here it is fair game and it’s good ole fun and love for all.

Lady-Ebony Eyes!

September 30th, 2010
1:55 pm

Good Afternoon Crew!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
1:55 pm

I got balls!!!!! :lol:

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:55 pm

Blackfoote – okay

Melo – Okay :) you’re alright with me

Simple Man – :) Gon ‘head though for real in your pursuit. Take it offline, you might get lucky. I would be hesitant all out in the open too.

TheJourney

September 30th, 2010
1:58 pm

Recovering from one right now – some 15 months later.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:59 pm

I am… LOL….Did You get balls for control or distance????

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:59 pm

We love the variety!

pheeeeeeew…….

I am having a hard time with the imagination on that one!

:lol:

Flavor

September 30th, 2010
1:59 pm

So I take it nobody other than white man would get statisfaction from an open releationship?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
2:01 pm

“open relationship” is oxymoronic

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
2:02 pm

I am?

I like u but I think u need go skin the goat today……make sure u put the oysters on the grill!

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
2:03 pm

@Flavor ~ not I.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
2:03 pm

Brat – I actual thought the same thing! No it’s not just you.

Lady-Ebony Eyes!

September 30th, 2010
2:06 pm

geesh much has been said……..lol

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
2:07 pm

I feel like someone is squeezing my eye balls together. Is it the biometric pressure or what bc I really just want to crawl in a hole for the rest of the day. :-(

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:10 pm

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
2:11 pm

Slim that’s been me for the last two days. I want to nap so bad its not even productive being at work. I stay sleepy and that’s not even me. I’m going to blame it on the fall like weather.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:12 pm

I could curl up in bed right now as well.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
2:15 pm

Leggs lurker

Ditto on that one.
I would cause plenty of damage if someone touched my wife or girl friend.

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
2:17 pm

BOD – Maybe it is the fall-like weather and I DEFINITELy could take me a long 2hr nap. I’m sitting at my desk trying to get motivated but it really isn’t working for me at the moment. The thing that makes it so bad is the view from my window faces the parking lot where my car is. Car is sitting out there all alone whispering for me to leave. lol

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:17 pm

So you are more worried about possessiveness versus happiness? Interesting.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
2:18 pm

Does anyone know of anybody who makes money all year exclusively doing Primerica stuff??

Anybody!!

Their motivation and recruitment events smell like an EL congregation in worship!

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:18 pm

So you are worried more about being possessive versus being happy?

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
2:19 pm

Uh… Simple dude.
Um…..I just grabbed some balls.
I hope they do the job
:neutral:

Herpes Dating Sites

September 30th, 2010
2:25 pm

Do not forget that when you approach a woman; she’s likely to be just as nervous as you’re. So, start carefully.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:26 pm

Herpes, that is true. She could also be just as horny as you are as well.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
2:27 pm

Thats the ticket…Just grab some balls and hope they work!! LOL

In your hands, I am sure they will!!!

All jokes aside what ever you got should be fine…. The type will matter more once you start to play.

Kym

September 30th, 2010
2:30 pm

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
2:35 pm

You rang, Kym?

D@mn… that dude seriously needs to wrap it up…

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:35 pm

I am sorry but the women that slept with him are just as stupid as he is.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
2:36 pm

The other day we were in here talking about cuddling. And granted I don’t want it after a good session. But since that convo in here all I can think about is just letting the windows up then crawling on the sofa next to a man, getting in a good nook positon and drifting off to sleep.

At lunch yesterday, dude gave me a hug, he held on a little too long I think I took a 10 second nap standing up.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
2:36 pm

White Man

She could also be just as horny as you are as well.

That’s funny White Man also true.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:39 pm

VERY TRUE….Women talk about sex much more than we do. Sometimes if you just tell them what you want to do, they will respect you more and possibly accomdate your needs.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
2:43 pm

Kym?

just to be fair on the sexes, below that article there is a caption on a story about a mum boning her own son she gave up for adoption long back!

Horny people all round!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
2:43 pm

BOD…Could you cuddle with someone you were not sexual with???

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
2:46 pm

Simple Man of course…that would be just fine with me. It’s not about sex at all. It’s comfort, body fit(not really but sorta), smells good and doesn’t move around too much. I’m a very light sleeper.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2010
2:46 pm

Kym – well dayum…..thats beyond a shame….smdh

Kym

September 30th, 2010
2:47 pm

@Melo..I was not bashing..I was just posting…@ DWhiteMan you are right everyone involve got issues.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:48 pm

Breakingofdawn likes to “spoon”.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
2:48 pm

Could you cuddle with someone you were not sexual with?

SimpleMan, my ex-best guy friend and I used to cuddle at one time and I never had even the faintest of desire to get busy with him. He and I were just good friends.

(that answered without the slightest idea of what the conversation is right now)

For Real

September 30th, 2010
2:49 pm

On topic: Go thru my ish and we done. End of story!

Ared: You will love Chile but I not sure what its situation after the earthquake. It’s one the most beautiful places in the world.

Married people fuggin other people, why get married?

Kym: Dayum! Dudes need a government sponsored vasectomy. But riddle me this how can a dude making 23k per year owe 500k? Why didn’t the judge punish those 14 women?

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
2:50 pm

BOD…Cool…I know that kind of thing can be uncomfortable for some women, And this time of year there are only acouple of things better… LOL :D

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:50 pm

Those women deserve what they get…they are as guilty as he is.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
2:52 pm

Speaking of lady on the street and a freak in bed:

Before her famed Texas video I had always slept on Erica Badu coz her dressing was all long and wrapped up!

But the sight of that bootey had me’ :shock: at her phone bootey!

Makes you wonder what all these other closeted chics have on the inside,when unwrapped!

Andre Benjamin is da man!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
2:52 pm

“…my ex-best guy friend and I used to cuddle at one time and I never had even the faintest of desire to get busy with him. He and I were just good friends.”

Raqi — In your mind. In his mind, he was hoping one day you’d have one of those Ambien dreams involving mechanical bull riding & he could be the mechanical bull… ;-) :lol:

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:54 pm

Swiss….Now THAT was funny!

For Real

September 30th, 2010
2:54 pm

Breaking: Which good nook position do you like the best missionary or slide straddle?

Raqi: “SimpleMan, my ex-best guy friend and I used to cuddle at one time and I never had even the faintest of desire to get busy with him. He and I were just good friends.” – Oh now I’m an ex-best friend huh??? Well for the record while we were “Friend” cuddling, I used rub one off on your knee.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
2:54 pm

Well you know Gouda I later found that out. Hence “ex-best friend”.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
2:55 pm

Melo — You ain’t lying… Ms. Badu does have a fine booty…. :-D

White Man

September 30th, 2010
2:57 pm

All men who have female friends think about having sex with them at some point.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
2:57 pm

I gotta give a shout out to abc; I was just browsing another blog, and saw his name and comments; he’s as big a dyckhead elsewhere, as he is here…..but he’s consistent…and I say this with luv, blogmate…

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
2:57 pm

ForReal, you liar. I knew that was why that layer of skin was missing from my knee. You said you never touched it.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
2:58 pm

C’mon now, Raqi… You didn’t know that from the jump? You ladies know better than that, right? :lol: Do I need to make a public service announcement? ;-) Ladies: NO (straight) MAN is going to be cuddling with your a$$ unless he want to tap that… :lol:

For Real

September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm

Raqi: “I knew that was why that layer of skin was missing from my knee.” – That right, it use to turn me on soooo much when I felt the water on your knee.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
3:00 pm

Swiss you are 1000% correct.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
3:04 pm

Is anyone still here?

blue™

September 30th, 2010
3:06 pm

ive got a parent question, for those parents lurking around:

my son turns 12 in October, is in 7th grade now and happens to be a brainiac/orchestra kid who wears glasses and has inherited his mothers sarcasm. he tells us that this year on the bus, there is a virtual black market with kids selling everything from candy to homework…k, thats what kids do…the girls are mixing with the boys (against rules)…k, thats what kids do (time to have another “talk” about girls)…well as of this week they are smoking and selling cigarettes, selling makeshift weapons, and singing songs about smoking weed….whoaaa, 8O k, dont remember that in middle school.
question is: how do we approach this without him getting pegged as a snitch and getting his @ss handed to him?

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
3:06 pm

“All men who have female friends think about having sex with them at some point.”

And you are also 1000% correct, White Man. Now, I do have some female friends with whom I never did (because one or the other of us was always taken) and with whom I wouldn’t now (because I’m married)… But I don’t have a single female friend that I absolutely, positively would never f__k, under the right circumstances, if the opportunity presented itself.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
3:08 pm

BOD??

did u say u have boyfriend or u want to be broken off?

I’m feeling kinda freasky myself.

Swiss?

Yeah ms Badu is endowed.

I will take a woman with fine azz and leggs over one with pretty face any time of day or nite!

Men don’t feast on face,they cover up the face with chest then work on the bootey,flipping them leggs up to the shoulder for maximum penetration.

THE iNFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2010
3:10 pm

Checking phones… People still do that.. Thats not curiousity, thats some BS. This babe would be fired cause its only gonna get worse.. Especially if you give her the best shagging of her young life.. She would be relagated to the back burner with her oxygen being turned off..

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:12 pm

@BOD ~ :lol:

@2C ~ I likes you…shoot straight from the hip!

The poster child for BC takes blame but all those baby mamas are just as psychotic. I’m running from a man with 8 kids let alone 23.

THE iNFAMOUS DK

September 30th, 2010
3:13 pm

Leggs – Smmooch Baby

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 30th, 2010
3:14 pm

@Raqi

“He and I were just good friends. ”

Alot of women THINK they have male friends but thats usually not the case. Its really not as innocent as you think. Its only 3 instances when a guy is genuinely your male friend:

1. He doesnt find you attractive or the type he would go for.
2. You are off limits (he may have dated your sister, cousin, close friend and its impossible to get with you).

3. He wants to date some of your friends so you are a good reference girl to get at those friends.

Otherwise, he would get with you if he could but since he doesnt know how, he plays the play brother angle with you.

@Ladies if you think you have a guy thats a real male friend, test him and call him this weekend in the middle of the night like hey I want you to come and spend the night…

See how fast he will come over….He may leave so fast and forget his Eddie Long Leather Jeri Curl Toupe!!!!

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:15 pm

Gouda let me take you back a few decades, he and I met in the 6th grade and became good friends then. Stayed friends for many years. Nothing changed for me as the years turned. We would double date together. He never gave any clues that he started having feelings for me.

I am guilty of at one time believing that men and women can just be friends. LOL Although he was the one and only guy that I dealt with closely never flirted or make some type of move on me. LOL

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:16 pm

blue, is all of that taking place on the bus? If so the bus driver should be doing something about it.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
3:17 pm

Which hood u live on Blue?

Just talk to your son, you dont need no gang permission do you?

If your son listens to you he will behave appropriately!

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:17 pm

@Melo ~ I’ve asked you in the past…when spelling the word “leg” can you please use the one “g”…thank you {{muah}}

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:18 pm

@InfamousD ~ XOXOXOX!

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:22 pm

@blue ~ OUCH! That’s a tough call. Black market school bus. My things have changed. I don’t see how you can get around not having the finger pointed at your child. Wait, make an anoymous call to the school about the activity. Spread the word to other school officials but never use your own phone or work phone. Let CSI try to trace this one back to your boy.

For Real

September 30th, 2010
3:22 pm

blue: Send your son the school bus with a safety patrol belt on and badge.

Raqi: “He never gave any clues that he started having feelings for me.” – So, I guess you thought that was a rabbit in his pocket all that time?

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:24 pm

@Melo ~ why blue has to live in the hood…white kids do just as much in the suburbs!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
3:25 pm

blue, unless your son is the ONLY well behaved, decent kid on the bus, the other kids should have no way of pegging him (his parent) as the one to bring the situation to the attention of the school administrators.

and if your son is the only well behaved kid on the bus, you need to move. ijs

blue™

September 30th, 2010
3:27 pm

@Raqi – yep, he says all on the bus, but the driver ignores it…xcept for the smoking, she started to get to it, but kid threw it out the window…
@Melo – starting to think hood is right, lol. been talking to him, and his head seems square on his shoulders…even started talking to a friend of his who bought a cig, took it from him, and tossed it out the window…just feel like we should be doing something about that bus…lol, last night tho mr.blue, mr.Marine/MartialArts instructor, started teaching him last night how to knock someone out if need be…think if he keeps throwing peoples stuff out the window he may need it, lol

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
3:28 pm

Leg? :lol: the spelling if ur name now!

Hood as in neighborhood

White Man

September 30th, 2010
3:29 pm

I did have something funny happen to me about two weeks ago but I am not sure it is appropriate for this blog.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:30 pm

LOL ForReal. He and I slept in a bed together once. After finding out some 13-14 years later that he in fact did have a secret thing for me I just think back and say “oh shucks!”.

You got me smiling about the slacks rabbit. The night my hub proposed to me before he left the house that evening we were wrapped in a firm embrace and a passionate kiss. The slacks rabbit that night had be thinking 3,4,5 times about going against a rule I had set for my home. LOL

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
3:30 pm

Say it White man

U sissy??

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:30 pm

Oh, ok, Melo. Put an N in front of Hood next time and I’ll know what you’re referring to (LOL)…ok, gotcha!

@Melo – Cute!

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
3:31 pm

back to the thinking man pose……

damn, I don’ hunched damn near 75% of my female friends…..

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
3:32 pm

‘All men who have female friends think about having sex with them at some point’

Yeah I have a really good male friend and recently he said we had to cut communication a bit since he was starting to have strong naughty thoughts about me… :shock:

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:34 pm

damn, I don’ hunched damn near 75% of my female friends

2CPTG, did they know about it? LOL

White Man

September 30th, 2010
3:34 pm

I hooked up with a really good friend of mine about two weeks ago. We have known each other for about 4 years. After the foreplay and just getting into the act…she squirted…..I have never seen anything like it. It was like she had a water hose in her or something. very interesting.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:35 pm

Mdot, I don’t doubt that most men find women the friend to be attractive. And as you stated all don’t make a move on their women friend despite the fact they would like to.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
3:35 pm

I guess I’m in the minority here, but I have NO PROBLEM having had sexual relations with a lot of my female friends! As I’ve said before, hell, if that day comes and I get hitched again, it’ll be with one of them…hell, we’re already friends, done don’ the deed, what more could you ask for!!!! Contrary to popular belief, sex does not ruin a good friendship!

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
3:36 pm

Slim?!

I don’t blame your friend!

looking at your recent nice pic on fb the other day, I just found my lips separating by themselves!

You some phine azz for sure!

2Can!

You got a prolific batting average!

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm

“Contrary to popular belief, sex does not ruin a good friendship!”

Hell, I’d say it makes it that much better…. :lol:

White Man

September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm

Where did all of the girls go?

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm

@Melo ~ You sure could have given her that compliment in a more gentlemanly fashion.

SlimNumeroUno

September 30th, 2010
3:40 pm

Leggs – My thoughts exactly! :roll:

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
3:42 pm

Wait… what? Did Melo just say something about Slim’s lips parting? :shock: :oops:

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
3:43 pm

….stepping in!

@White Man, well “I be dayum.” How old are you?

question is: how do we approach this without him getting pegged as a snitch and getting his @ss handed to him?

First off, I am not a parent, but I do know this if they find out his mother called he will not only be called a snitch, but he will get jumped. This is what I would do. I would never even tell my son my intentions. I would call the school from my cell phone and give three bus #’s and tell them to investigate, and I would not even give my name. I would follow my complaint up with an email to the school….something like concernedmom96@hotmail.com. I would just listen when my son comes home and tell me about the bust. I would not tell him what I did until he was about 25 or so past the @zz kicking range from the folks on the bus.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
3:43 pm

@Leggs – but never use your own phone or work phone. – lol…
@cz – theres a point…i miss elementary school, it was easier :(

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
3:44 pm

if it is real

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
3:45 pm

Everyone , wish me luck.
I just entered a raffle for Falcons tickets

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:47 pm

2CPTG, my brother is marrying a woman that he had a brief encounter with back in college. They stayed friends and in touch all these years.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
3:47 pm

Swiss….not so much as make it better, it just doesn’t “complicate” things as so many like to say……

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
3:47 pm

I think I have mentioned here before that I have a supa Fine damn near Perfect Female Friend that I have never, not would I ever consider sleeping with…Now I would ( and have rabbit dancedwith some of her friends) but That would never be an option for us….

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:48 pm

2CPTG, Let me ask you a question.

If one of those lady friends asked you to father her child would you?

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm

Raqi, I’ve come to learn, when one comes into his/her own growness, life is so much more simpler.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm

I don’t think I can be friends with someone I have had intimate relations with. I can be cordial in passing but being friends, nah.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
3:50 pm

Leggs/Slim?

Blame that on White man advice.

He told me’ Melo,tell these chicks what’s on ur daamn mind!

At least Slim knows I appreciate her!

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
3:51 pm

“If one of those lady friends asked you to father her child would you?”

Hell Naw! You didn’t see where I said my son turns 18 on Monday? I don’t know whose happier, him or me…….shiiiiiiid, I’m grown now!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
3:52 pm

Roll call:

For Real?
Purple?
Simple Dude?
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
:shock:

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
3:56 pm

2CPTG, I asked because that is actually how my brother is coming to marry his friend. They had an agreement from many years back that if neither were married or with families by the time they turned 40 they would have a child together.

In the midst of all of that they have decided they can be friends, parents, lovers and mates.

He is moving back to Atlanta to get married.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
3:57 pm

@DD – thats exactly what we’re afraid of! little hellions…

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
3:57 pm

” don’t think I can be friends with someone I have had intimate relations with. I can be cordial in passing but being friends, nah.”

Rock, you’re my girl and all…..but that makes absolutely no sense! Dig the irony….you’ll meet a complete stranger, ultimately give up the goods, and possibly date him….yet, a friend, a real friend, can’t even get the time of day???? ass backwards if you ask me.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
3:58 pm

Toucan – I like that 349p.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
3:59 pm

Raqi – Is he your only brother? Is this the one you said was kind of wild? Is he ready to settle down, you think?

Congrats to him. When is the wedding?

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:00 pm

My youngest son is 15 and I was so looking forward to having the empty nest soon. LOL And here I have my mini-me.

You know what I was thinking about while at the spa yesterday? I have never lived alone…just me. There has always been somebody living in the house with me.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
4:00 pm

Random: something is itching the hell out of my nose
I wish I would sneeze already!

White Man

September 30th, 2010
4:01 pm

2CTPG you are correct. I agree.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
4:02 pm

@i am – sounds crazy, but look into a bright light…some kind of photo-sensitive response…works most of the time…

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:03 pm

2CPTG, I just can’t do it. Once the relationship has ended I can’t see being friends. I am not saying I hate my two exes but I have no desire to hang out with them as friends. I am cordial to my son’s father, but that’s about it.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
4:03 pm

“Random: something is itching the hell out of my nose”

My bad… I forgot to trim down there… :oops: :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?

September 30th, 2010
4:06 pm

@blue as long as you keep it quite don’t even tell him you will be ok. These little kids are a different breed now. :evil:

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:08 pm

Kimmie, I have two brothers and yes this is the one that I really thought would not ever get married. I think he is ready to settle down with one women. He has always spoken very highly of the woman he is marrying. I am not surprised she is the one.

He has a lot of respect for her and her occupation. She is a pediatric surgeon and he says it takes a very loving person to have a job like that. Well that’s what he was telling me on our way back to Atlanta last week. 6 months into her pregnancy and their marriage he may be singing another tune. LOL

Getting married Christmas eve.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
4:11 pm

Raqi – Sounds wonderful! Where is he moving from?

And yes, dealing with sick children – that is truly God’s work.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:12 pm

But then again 2CPTG I am like that about friendships. Once I have walked away from a friendship I am done.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
4:13 pm

“But then again 2CPTG I am like that about friendships. Once I have walked away from a friendship I am done.”

unless it’s some shady shyt, how could a real freindship end? cause real friends oughta be able to get away with shyt the ordinary person couldn’t……

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:15 pm

kimmie, Ann Arbor. He has been my eyes for me up there with my oldest. Now my oldest brother is going to have to keep a look out for me.

Yes that is truly a work of God. He was telling me about different times an little helpless infant would die on her table or post surgery and she would call him crying. He said she says no matter how long you do it you never get used to seeing a child die.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
4:16 pm

2Can – Some stuff is just messy.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:17 pm

2CPTG, Yeah true friends do get breaks other don’t but there is always a line that can get crossed.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:17 pm

@Melo ~ nothing wrong with speaking your mind…as you mature, you can speak it tactfully! :wink:

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
4:19 pm

2Can?

Can a baby mama or baby daddy be a friend as well……. in which case per ur model,a baby mama is also fair game.

I believe if the stars are aligned ok baby mama can put up a show fo baby daddy!

What u say?

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:23 pm

kimmie, my besties and I are 4 tight. When the whole circle started out there was 8 of us. Then there was a fearless 5. Now there is this wonderful fabulous, faithful 4.

Once all the weeding was done, four beautiful flowers were left standing and rooted together.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
4:24 pm

“Some stuff is just messy.”

as Yola da Great would say, “the game ain’t dirty, just the nikkas in it!”

and Melo yes, baby mamas and daddies can be friends…..me and my ex are good friends…see Yola’s statement above….it all boils down to the folks involved…

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:25 pm

Did you know Fred Flinstone turns 50 today! Yabba Dabba Dooooo…

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
4:25 pm

Leggs?

so if I said that in pvt,its cool or depends?

at least it’s not a diss you know right?

Damn who would diss Slim?

she’s a rare breed! :lol:

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:26 pm

@Raqi ~ I recall when one of your “so-called” friends left the flock…glad 4 of you made it to the other side for a true friendship!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
4:26 pm

leggs, seems like he should be about 5000, no?

never mind. LOL

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:28 pm

My son just walked in smiling like a cheshire cat. He has a little faint print of a lipstick kiss right at the corner of his mouth. I asked him if he had a good day at school. He chuckled and said it was a very good day. LOL I bust his bubble telling him he better not come here with lipstick on his face again. LOL

I waited until he walked out to smile at him.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:30 pm

“so-called” friends left the flock

Yeah Leggs, that’s the one that this brother that’s getting married used to hook up with when he was passing thru town. I haven’t called to tell her he is getting married. Imma let him do it. LOL

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
4:32 pm

2Can – And sometimes, the players in it gotta get weeded out when they get dirty. People change and not always for the good. Sometimes you just outgrow people too.

I’m loyal to a fault for my friends, but I’m not going down in the gutter for anybody.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
4:32 pm

2Can!

Yu the man.
next time u in the A holla at me’ a d I will take u out for adrink

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
4:34 pm

Back from meeting. Trying to catch up, AJC ate my last response. So transposing real quick.

I don’t mind the side spooning. I don’t have a boyfriend, just fired my on call. So right now I’m just I guess doing me. I will see what the universe has lined up for me next regarding a man and sex. Hi Leggs, I hope you are having a great day.
I’ve just been friends with my male friends. Althought the discussion recently was that if I would have opened that door back in the day they would have walked in the room. However I’m glad I didn’t since I attended their weddings as the one friend-chick they never hit.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
4:35 pm

One of my friends wear Tresor and that is the hint of fragrance I am getting off my son. He handed me some papers to fill out and I got a whiff of it. That must be what his girlfriend wears.

I told him he better keep hands off that girl and Imma have his pops talk to him AGAIN when he gets home. They have an agreement. I want him to remind this boy of that agreement.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
4:38 pm

If your true friends and something happens you always bounce back. Some things take longer to get over or go through, but the friendship does come back. The right foundation makes it thru the storm.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
4:39 pm

Is your son good at math Raqi?

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
4:40 pm

I feel ya, Kimmie, and you’re right, folks don’t grow up like we “hope” or expect….

And I appreciate that, Melo…definitely will holla you….

ummmm, just thought about some’n…..how we gon’ do that…..we’on even know how to get in touch with one another….

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
4:42 pm

Hey Melo, if I holla at you can I get some Makers Mark, bro? :lol:

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
4:43 pm

Dawn – To your 4:38 – I have a high school friend that I went thru a particularly stormy time with. The friendship did come back, but it is different. I will always love her like a sister, but we are both different people. In fact, I was never the person she thought I was and tried to treat me as. It all finally came to a head. We have both matured, but still, things are different. We don’t hang out like we used to because she leads a different lifestyle than I. But we’ve been there for each other thru our family ups and downs.

DreamsMaterialize

September 30th, 2010
4:43 pm

Sup ya’ll. I know we not on topic, but no chick I just started dating should be goin through my shyte.

On the topic of friends, I don’t have a female friend that I wouldn’t phluck (or phluck again) if the circumstance were right. I don’t really believe in female friends though. I’m a gentleman, but the possibility of something physical is almost never off the table.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
4:44 pm

Note to self….BOD just fired her on call….

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
4:46 pm

Timely that we are talking about how friendships change as I head to my 20 year high school reunion tomorrow.

There are a group of girls that I thought that I would ALWAYS be friends with…and one in particular. At this point in my life, the only thing that I share with those chicks is the common history of having been raised together in the same small town and everything that comes along with that.

Yeah…we’ve reconnected on FB…but…none of them to the point that I’ve care enough to expend any additional energy other than the occasional wall post.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:47 pm

@i’m swiss ~ you do know that’s WD’s frink!!!

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
4:47 pm

Kimmie, female friendship can be so finiky(sp). It’s okay to go thru different growth spurts, it won’t always be at the same time or the same direction. Key is to take that growth and own it; both people have to do that. If there is some respect and understanding to stand with then let that be it.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:48 pm

LOL…that’s WD’s DRINK!!! Typing like I already had a shot.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
4:50 pm

And I think that a part of it is that you just don’t have enough space in your life for all of those people at the same time.

I do not have the unlimited time or energy that it takes to rekindle those friendships AND maintain my current friendships and relationship AND do everything else that I have to do.

This is really where Reason, Season, Lifetime takes on more meaning.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
4:50 pm

Takpat78@gmail

the most popular email here

I miss Cee, anybody seen her?

Tell her I said hie?

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
4:51 pm

Leggs — WD, as in WiseDiva? Ah… I didn’t realize Wise had such good taste. I guess great minds do think alike…

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:52 pm

@i’m swiss ~ Yes. More like same tastebuds….:wink:

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
4:54 pm

Yes we Can

@Swiss!

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:55 pm

Hello BOD! Loving life I am! Thanks. Hope you’re doing well. Sorry about the firing…lay low, reflect, assess and then get back out there!

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
4:57 pm

SC 100% true statement..season and reason.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
4:59 pm

SCool – Your 4:50 – So true. I would like to keep up with everybody and everything but I just can’t. Some stuff and people must take priority. Some will not be wiped off the map, just moved to the outer edges!

Luv you guys! Read ya tomorrow! Be safe going home!

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
4:59 pm

“Some friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason.”

Good nite!

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
4:59 pm

Leggs its cool, we recently had a discussion where I told him the job wasn’t getting done. I think he was taken back by my honesty for a minute then he came back extra cocky. I had to twist my face at that one, like really your not that hot. So I had to put him in a box, the only reason you here dude is because I don’t have the energy for someone new in my life right now.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
5:02 pm

BOD…How long had he been in the rotation??

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
5:08 pm

Mail call, Melo

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
5:10 pm

About 7-8 months off and on. We’ve known each other for 17 almost 18 years. We dated in HS, and when I moved back home; he was single and free and sometimes you need some thing without the politics.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
5:11 pm

nite nite….there’s a bar with a drink on it waiting for me.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
5:12 pm

BOD, Are you from here?

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
5:14 pm

@BOD ~ WOW…now, that’s honesty.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
5:17 pm

BOD very nice.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
5:17 pm

Friends. Only a couple. I’ve found out folks you’re breaking bread with and having in-depth conversation can be as shady as an enemy. I had a friend or one I thought was true blue. Been there through my good times bad times, woes, when my child working my nerves, man troubles…everything and vice versa. I seen, listened dried her tears as well as share in her happy moments. She’s such a friend, she’ll buy and mail anything chic and classy…just because. Shoes, clothes, bags whatever. Well, we parted ways. She had a situation where she was getting derailed on a position (we work for same company, was in the same group but always different states) and I know it was dirty and lowdown. She wanted to go half cocked to personnel blasting folks and at this point with accusations. I was telling her be smart before making that kind of move. I’m not scary and not once did I suggest she be but I do know this, you better have hard evidence when accusing. She said to me, I’ve listened to you and been there for you and when I want to do something you’re not in my corner. Ummm, for something stupid and carefully thought through…nope can’t do it. When I told her friendship ain’t based on me agreeing for the sake of but an extension of you…eyes when you can’t see, thinking when you’re past the point of rationale and she just didn’t get it. First she sent an apology for snapping cause I snapped back and then it sort of fizzed from there. She’ll call but it’s light banter.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
5:19 pm

Yes, time and chance will weed out true blues from those that just exists.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
5:22 pm

White Man

September 30th, 2010
5:22 pm

Did you guys see where 50 cent said if “a man doesnt eat p—y he should just go ahead and kill himself”? hahaha

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
5:30 pm

White Man… 50 is a effin Clown!!! He speaks like he can’t open his mouth wide enough to really be good like that….

White Man

September 30th, 2010
5:33 pm

haha good point.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
5:55 pm

Well hell…..I think they have left me by myself again….. What to do..What to do….

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
6:00 pm

Simple Man, you still here? Guess we’re the only 2 working last. If past 6:00 just you cause I’m out.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
6:33 pm

Have a Great weekend Blog Family!!! Off to Destin for a Weekend of Golf and relaxation!!!! ARED…Still not to late to join me………. Have a good one!