Recovering from dating mistakes
A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of pickle with her new guy. This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone. She claims her curiosity got the best of her because he is one of those “heavy texters” and she wanted to know if any of them were dirty texts with other women.
This is one of those awkward situations that is really tough to recover from. Most men don’t want to think you are an insecure woman who has trust issues. Even if this is the actual truth, you just can’t convince them you won’t let it be an ongoing problem after you have shown this side of you.
Have you ever made a really stupid mistake with someone in the “honeymoon phase” of a new dating relationship? Were you able to dial it back and make things better?
How forgiving should we be when someone has shown bad judgment?
What is the best way to show someone that your one slip-up shouldn’t be the deal breaker that torpedoes your chances with them?
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473 comments Add your comment
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
3:50 pm
Leggs/Slim?
Blame that on White man advice.
He told me’ Melo,tell these chicks what’s on ur daamn mind!
At least Slim knows I appreciate her!
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
3:51 pm
“If one of those lady friends asked you to father her child would you?”
Hell Naw! You didn’t see where I said my son turns 18 on Monday? I don’t know whose happier, him or me…….shiiiiiiid, I’m grown now!
I am whatever you say I am™
September 30th, 2010
3:52 pm
Roll call:
For Real?
Purple?
Simple Dude?
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:56 pm
2CPTG, I asked because that is actually how my brother is coming to marry his friend. They had an agreement from many years back that if neither were married or with families by the time they turned 40 they would have a child together.
In the midst of all of that they have decided they can be friends, parents, lovers and mates.
He is moving back to Atlanta to get married.
blue™
September 30th, 2010
3:57 pm
@DD – thats exactly what we’re afraid of! little hellions…
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
3:57 pm
” don’t think I can be friends with someone I have had intimate relations with. I can be cordial in passing but being friends, nah.”
Rock, you’re my girl and all…..but that makes absolutely no sense! Dig the irony….you’ll meet a complete stranger, ultimately give up the goods, and possibly date him….yet, a friend, a real friend, can’t even get the time of day???? ass backwards if you ask me.
SexyCool
September 30th, 2010
3:58 pm
Toucan – I like that 349p.
kimmie
September 30th, 2010
3:59 pm
Raqi – Is he your only brother? Is this the one you said was kind of wild? Is he ready to settle down, you think?
Congrats to him. When is the wedding?
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:00 pm
My youngest son is 15 and I was so looking forward to having the empty nest soon. LOL And here I have my mini-me.
You know what I was thinking about while at the spa yesterday? I have never lived alone…just me. There has always been somebody living in the house with me.
I am whatever you say I am™
September 30th, 2010
4:00 pm
Random: something is itching the hell out of my nose
I wish I would sneeze already!
White Man
September 30th, 2010
4:01 pm
2CTPG you are correct. I agree.
blue™
September 30th, 2010
4:02 pm
@i am – sounds crazy, but look into a bright light…some kind of photo-sensitive response…works most of the time…
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:03 pm
2CPTG, I just can’t do it. Once the relationship has ended I can’t see being friends. I am not saying I hate my two exes but I have no desire to hang out with them as friends. I am cordial to my son’s father, but that’s about it.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
4:03 pm
“Random: something is itching the hell out of my nose”
My bad… I forgot to trim down there…
Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?
September 30th, 2010
4:06 pm
@blue as long as you keep it quite don’t even tell him you will be ok. These little kids are a different breed now.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:08 pm
Kimmie, I have two brothers and yes this is the one that I really thought would not ever get married. I think he is ready to settle down with one women. He has always spoken very highly of the woman he is marrying. I am not surprised she is the one.
He has a lot of respect for her and her occupation. She is a pediatric surgeon and he says it takes a very loving person to have a job like that. Well that’s what he was telling me on our way back to Atlanta last week. 6 months into her pregnancy and their marriage he may be singing another tune. LOL
Getting married Christmas eve.
kimmie
September 30th, 2010
4:11 pm
Raqi – Sounds wonderful! Where is he moving from?
And yes, dealing with sick children – that is truly God’s work.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:12 pm
But then again 2CPTG I am like that about friendships. Once I have walked away from a friendship I am done.
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
4:13 pm
“But then again 2CPTG I am like that about friendships. Once I have walked away from a friendship I am done.”
unless it’s some shady shyt, how could a real freindship end? cause real friends oughta be able to get away with shyt the ordinary person couldn’t……
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:15 pm
kimmie, Ann Arbor. He has been my eyes for me up there with my oldest. Now my oldest brother is going to have to keep a look out for me.
Yes that is truly a work of God. He was telling me about different times an little helpless infant would die on her table or post surgery and she would call him crying. He said she says no matter how long you do it you never get used to seeing a child die.
kimmie
September 30th, 2010
4:16 pm
2Can – Some stuff is just messy.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:17 pm
2CPTG, Yeah true friends do get breaks other don’t but there is always a line that can get crossed.
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
4:17 pm
@Melo ~ nothing wrong with speaking your mind…as you mature, you can speak it tactfully!
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
4:19 pm
2Can?
Can a baby mama or baby daddy be a friend as well……. in which case per ur model,a baby mama is also fair game.
I believe if the stars are aligned ok baby mama can put up a show fo baby daddy!
What u say?
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:23 pm
kimmie, my besties and I are 4 tight. When the whole circle started out there was 8 of us. Then there was a fearless 5. Now there is this wonderful fabulous, faithful 4.
Once all the weeding was done, four beautiful flowers were left standing and rooted together.
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
4:24 pm
“Some stuff is just messy.”
as Yola da Great would say, “the game ain’t dirty, just the nikkas in it!”
and Melo yes, baby mamas and daddies can be friends…..me and my ex are good friends…see Yola’s statement above….it all boils down to the folks involved…
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
4:25 pm
Did you know Fred Flinstone turns 50 today! Yabba Dabba Dooooo…
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
4:25 pm
Leggs?
so if I said that in pvt,its cool or depends?
at least it’s not a diss you know right?
Damn who would diss Slim?
she’s a rare breed!
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
4:26 pm
@Raqi ~ I recall when one of your “so-called” friends left the flock…glad 4 of you made it to the other side for a true friendship!
czBrat
September 30th, 2010
4:26 pm
leggs, seems like he should be about 5000, no?
never mind. LOL
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:28 pm
My son just walked in smiling like a cheshire cat. He has a little faint print of a lipstick kiss right at the corner of his mouth. I asked him if he had a good day at school. He chuckled and said it was a very good day. LOL I bust his bubble telling him he better not come here with lipstick on his face again. LOL
I waited until he walked out to smile at him.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:30 pm
“so-called” friends left the flock
Yeah Leggs, that’s the one that this brother that’s getting married used to hook up with when he was passing thru town. I haven’t called to tell her he is getting married. Imma let him do it. LOL
kimmie
September 30th, 2010
4:32 pm
2Can – And sometimes, the players in it gotta get weeded out when they get dirty. People change and not always for the good. Sometimes you just outgrow people too.
I’m loyal to a fault for my friends, but I’m not going down in the gutter for anybody.
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
4:32 pm
2Can!
Yu the man.
next time u in the A holla at me’ a d I will take u out for adrink
Breakingofdawn
September 30th, 2010
4:34 pm
Back from meeting. Trying to catch up, AJC ate my last response. So transposing real quick.
I don’t mind the side spooning. I don’t have a boyfriend, just fired my on call. So right now I’m just I guess doing me. I will see what the universe has lined up for me next regarding a man and sex. Hi Leggs, I hope you are having a great day.
I’ve just been friends with my male friends. Althought the discussion recently was that if I would have opened that door back in the day they would have walked in the room. However I’m glad I didn’t since I attended their weddings as the one friend-chick they never hit.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
4:35 pm
One of my friends wear Tresor and that is the hint of fragrance I am getting off my son. He handed me some papers to fill out and I got a whiff of it. That must be what his girlfriend wears.
I told him he better keep hands off that girl and Imma have his pops talk to him AGAIN when he gets home. They have an agreement. I want him to remind this boy of that agreement.
Breakingofdawn
September 30th, 2010
4:38 pm
If your true friends and something happens you always bounce back. Some things take longer to get over or go through, but the friendship does come back. The right foundation makes it thru the storm.
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
4:39 pm
Is your son good at math Raqi?
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
4:40 pm
I feel ya, Kimmie, and you’re right, folks don’t grow up like we “hope” or expect….
And I appreciate that, Melo…definitely will holla you….
ummmm, just thought about some’n…..how we gon’ do that…..we’on even know how to get in touch with one another….
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
4:42 pm
Hey Melo, if I holla at you can I get some Makers Mark, bro?
kimmie
September 30th, 2010
4:43 pm
Dawn – To your 4:38 – I have a high school friend that I went thru a particularly stormy time with. The friendship did come back, but it is different. I will always love her like a sister, but we are both different people. In fact, I was never the person she thought I was and tried to treat me as. It all finally came to a head. We have both matured, but still, things are different. We don’t hang out like we used to because she leads a different lifestyle than I. But we’ve been there for each other thru our family ups and downs.
DreamsMaterialize
September 30th, 2010
4:43 pm
Sup ya’ll. I know we not on topic, but no chick I just started dating should be goin through my shyte.
On the topic of friends, I don’t have a female friend that I wouldn’t phluck (or phluck again) if the circumstance were right. I don’t really believe in female friends though. I’m a gentleman, but the possibility of something physical is almost never off the table.
Simple Man!!!!!
September 30th, 2010
4:44 pm
Note to self….BOD just fired her on call….
SexyCool
September 30th, 2010
4:46 pm
Timely that we are talking about how friendships change as I head to my 20 year high school reunion tomorrow.
There are a group of girls that I thought that I would ALWAYS be friends with…and one in particular. At this point in my life, the only thing that I share with those chicks is the common history of having been raised together in the same small town and everything that comes along with that.
Yeah…we’ve reconnected on FB…but…none of them to the point that I’ve care enough to expend any additional energy other than the occasional wall post.
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
4:47 pm
@i’m swiss ~ you do know that’s WD’s frink!!!
Breakingofdawn
September 30th, 2010
4:47 pm
Kimmie, female friendship can be so finiky(sp). It’s okay to go thru different growth spurts, it won’t always be at the same time or the same direction. Key is to take that growth and own it; both people have to do that. If there is some respect and understanding to stand with then let that be it.
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
4:48 pm
LOL…that’s WD’s DRINK!!! Typing like I already had a shot.
SexyCool
September 30th, 2010
4:50 pm
And I think that a part of it is that you just don’t have enough space in your life for all of those people at the same time.
I do not have the unlimited time or energy that it takes to rekindle those friendships AND maintain my current friendships and relationship AND do everything else that I have to do.
This is really where Reason, Season, Lifetime takes on more meaning.
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
4:50 pm
Takpat78@gmail
the most popular email here
I miss Cee, anybody seen her?
Tell her I said hie?
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
4:51 pm
Leggs — WD, as in WiseDiva? Ah… I didn’t realize Wise had such good taste. I guess great minds do think alike…