Recovering from dating mistakes
A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of pickle with her new guy. This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone. She claims her curiosity got the best of her because he is one of those “heavy texters” and she wanted to know if any of them were dirty texts with other women.
This is one of those awkward situations that is really tough to recover from. Most men don’t want to think you are an insecure woman who has trust issues. Even if this is the actual truth, you just can’t convince them you won’t let it be an ongoing problem after you have shown this side of you.
Have you ever made a really stupid mistake with someone in the “honeymoon phase” of a new dating relationship? Were you able to dial it back and make things better?
How forgiving should we be when someone has shown bad judgment?
What is the best way to show someone that your one slip-up shouldn’t be the deal breaker that torpedoes your chances with them?
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473 comments Add your comment
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
2:57 pm
ForReal, you liar. I knew that was why that layer of skin was missing from my knee. You said you never touched it.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
2:58 pm
C’mon now, Raqi… You didn’t know that from the jump? You ladies know better than that, right?
Do I need to make a public service announcement? 
Ladies: NO (straight) MAN is going to be cuddling with your a$$ unless he want to tap that… 
For Real
September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm
Raqi: “I knew that was why that layer of skin was missing from my knee.” – That right, it use to turn me on soooo much when I felt the water on your knee.
White Man
September 30th, 2010
3:00 pm
Swiss you are 1000% correct.
White Man
September 30th, 2010
3:04 pm
Is anyone still here?
blue™
September 30th, 2010
3:06 pm
ive got a parent question, for those parents lurking around:
my son turns 12 in October, is in 7th grade now and happens to be a brainiac/orchestra kid who wears glasses and has inherited his mothers sarcasm. he tells us that this year on the bus, there is a virtual black market with kids selling everything from candy to homework…k, thats what kids do…the girls are mixing with the boys (against rules)…k, thats what kids do (time to have another “talk” about girls)…well as of this week they are smoking and selling cigarettes, selling makeshift weapons, and singing songs about smoking weed….whoaaa,
k, dont remember that in middle school.
question is: how do we approach this without him getting pegged as a snitch and getting his @ss handed to him?
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
3:06 pm
“All men who have female friends think about having sex with them at some point.”
And you are also 1000% correct, White Man. Now, I do have some female friends with whom I never did (because one or the other of us was always taken) and with whom I wouldn’t now (because I’m married)… But I don’t have a single female friend that I absolutely, positively would never f__k, under the right circumstances, if the opportunity presented itself.
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
3:08 pm
BOD??
did u say u have boyfriend or u want to be broken off?
I’m feeling kinda freasky myself.
Swiss?
Yeah ms Badu is endowed.
I will take a woman with fine azz and leggs over one with pretty face any time of day or nite!
Men don’t feast on face,they cover up the face with chest then work on the bootey,flipping them leggs up to the shoulder for maximum penetration.
THE iNFAMOUS DK
September 30th, 2010
3:10 pm
Checking phones… People still do that.. Thats not curiousity, thats some BS. This babe would be fired cause its only gonna get worse.. Especially if you give her the best shagging of her young life.. She would be relagated to the back burner with her oxygen being turned off..
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:12 pm
@BOD ~
@2C ~ I likes you…shoot straight from the hip!
The poster child for BC takes blame but all those baby mamas are just as psychotic. I’m running from a man with 8 kids let alone 23.
THE iNFAMOUS DK
September 30th, 2010
3:13 pm
Leggs – Smmooch Baby
M. (pronouced M dot)
September 30th, 2010
3:14 pm
@Raqi
“He and I were just good friends. ”
Alot of women THINK they have male friends but thats usually not the case. Its really not as innocent as you think. Its only 3 instances when a guy is genuinely your male friend:
1. He doesnt find you attractive or the type he would go for.
2. You are off limits (he may have dated your sister, cousin, close friend and its impossible to get with you).
3. He wants to date some of your friends so you are a good reference girl to get at those friends.
Otherwise, he would get with you if he could but since he doesnt know how, he plays the play brother angle with you.
@Ladies if you think you have a guy thats a real male friend, test him and call him this weekend in the middle of the night like hey I want you to come and spend the night…
See how fast he will come over….He may leave so fast and forget his Eddie Long Leather Jeri Curl Toupe!!!!
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:15 pm
Gouda let me take you back a few decades, he and I met in the 6th grade and became good friends then. Stayed friends for many years. Nothing changed for me as the years turned. We would double date together. He never gave any clues that he started having feelings for me.
I am guilty of at one time believing that men and women can just be friends. LOL Although he was the one and only guy that I dealt with closely never flirted or make some type of move on me. LOL
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:16 pm
blue, is all of that taking place on the bus? If so the bus driver should be doing something about it.
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
3:17 pm
Which hood u live on Blue?
Just talk to your son, you dont need no gang permission do you?
If your son listens to you he will behave appropriately!
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:17 pm
@Melo ~ I’ve asked you in the past…when spelling the word “leg” can you please use the one “g”…thank you {{muah}}
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:18 pm
@InfamousD ~ XOXOXOX!
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:22 pm
@blue ~ OUCH! That’s a tough call. Black market school bus. My things have changed. I don’t see how you can get around not having the finger pointed at your child. Wait, make an anoymous call to the school about the activity. Spread the word to other school officials but never use your own phone or work phone. Let CSI try to trace this one back to your boy.
For Real
September 30th, 2010
3:22 pm
blue: Send your son the school bus with a safety patrol belt on and badge.
Raqi: “He never gave any clues that he started having feelings for me.” – So, I guess you thought that was a rabbit in his pocket all that time?
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:24 pm
@Melo ~ why blue has to live in the hood…white kids do just as much in the suburbs!
czBrat
September 30th, 2010
3:25 pm
blue, unless your son is the ONLY well behaved, decent kid on the bus, the other kids should have no way of pegging him (his parent) as the one to bring the situation to the attention of the school administrators.
and if your son is the only well behaved kid on the bus, you need to move. ijs
blue™
September 30th, 2010
3:27 pm
@Raqi – yep, he says all on the bus, but the driver ignores it…xcept for the smoking, she started to get to it, but kid threw it out the window…
@Melo – starting to think hood is right, lol. been talking to him, and his head seems square on his shoulders…even started talking to a friend of his who bought a cig, took it from him, and tossed it out the window…just feel like we should be doing something about that bus…lol, last night tho mr.blue, mr.Marine/MartialArts instructor, started teaching him last night how to knock someone out if need be…think if he keeps throwing peoples stuff out the window he may need it, lol
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
3:28 pm
Leg?
the spelling if ur name now!
Hood as in neighborhood
White Man
September 30th, 2010
3:29 pm
I did have something funny happen to me about two weeks ago but I am not sure it is appropriate for this blog.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:30 pm
LOL ForReal. He and I slept in a bed together once. After finding out some 13-14 years later that he in fact did have a secret thing for me I just think back and say “oh shucks!”.
You got me smiling about the slacks rabbit. The night my hub proposed to me before he left the house that evening we were wrapped in a firm embrace and a passionate kiss. The slacks rabbit that night had be thinking 3,4,5 times about going against a rule I had set for my home. LOL
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
3:30 pm
Say it White man
U sissy??
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:30 pm
Oh, ok, Melo. Put an N in front of Hood next time and I’ll know what you’re referring to (LOL)…ok, gotcha!
@Melo – Cute!
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
3:31 pm
back to the thinking man pose……
damn, I don’ hunched damn near 75% of my female friends…..
SlimNumeroUno
September 30th, 2010
3:32 pm
‘All men who have female friends think about having sex with them at some point’
Yeah I have a really good male friend and recently he said we had to cut communication a bit since he was starting to have strong naughty thoughts about me…
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:34 pm
damn, I don’ hunched damn near 75% of my female friends
2CPTG, did they know about it? LOL
White Man
September 30th, 2010
3:34 pm
I hooked up with a really good friend of mine about two weeks ago. We have known each other for about 4 years. After the foreplay and just getting into the act…she squirted…..I have never seen anything like it. It was like she had a water hose in her or something. very interesting.
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:35 pm
Mdot, I don’t doubt that most men find women the friend to be attractive. And as you stated all don’t make a move on their women friend despite the fact they would like to.
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
3:35 pm
I guess I’m in the minority here, but I have NO PROBLEM having had sexual relations with a lot of my female friends! As I’ve said before, hell, if that day comes and I get hitched again, it’ll be with one of them…hell, we’re already friends, done don’ the deed, what more could you ask for!!!! Contrary to popular belief, sex does not ruin a good friendship!
Melo!
September 30th, 2010
3:36 pm
Slim?!
I don’t blame your friend!
looking at your recent nice pic on fb the other day, I just found my lips separating by themselves!
You some phine azz for sure!
2Can!
You got a prolific batting average!
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm
“Contrary to popular belief, sex does not ruin a good friendship!”
Hell, I’d say it makes it that much better….
White Man
September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm
Where did all of the girls go?
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm
@Melo ~ You sure could have given her that compliment in a more gentlemanly fashion.
SlimNumeroUno
September 30th, 2010
3:40 pm
Leggs – My thoughts exactly!
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 30th, 2010
3:42 pm
Wait… what? Did Melo just say something about Slim’s lips parting?
Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?
September 30th, 2010
3:43 pm
….stepping in!
@White Man, well “I be dayum.” How old are you?
question is: how do we approach this without him getting pegged as a snitch and getting his @ss handed to him?
First off, I am not a parent, but I do know this if they find out his mother called he will not only be called a snitch, but he will get jumped. This is what I would do. I would never even tell my son my intentions. I would call the school from my cell phone and give three bus #’s and tell them to investigate, and I would not even give my name. I would follow my complaint up with an email to the school….something like concernedmom96@hotmail.com. I would just listen when my son comes home and tell me about the bust. I would not tell him what I did until he was about 25 or so past the @zz kicking range from the folks on the bus.
blue™
September 30th, 2010
3:43 pm
@Leggs – but never use your own phone or work phone. – lol…
@cz – theres a point…i miss elementary school, it was easier
Dirty Diana ♠ Green, again?
September 30th, 2010
3:44 pm
if it is real
I am whatever you say I am™
September 30th, 2010
3:45 pm
Everyone , wish me luck.
I just entered a raffle for Falcons tickets
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:47 pm
2CPTG, my brother is marrying a woman that he had a brief encounter with back in college. They stayed friends and in touch all these years.
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
3:47 pm
Swiss….not so much as make it better, it just doesn’t “complicate” things as so many like to say……
Simple Man!!!!!
September 30th, 2010
3:47 pm
I think I have mentioned here before that I have a supa Fine damn near Perfect Female Friend that I have never, not would I ever consider sleeping with…Now I would ( and have rabbit dancedwith some of her friends) but That would never be an option for us….
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:48 pm
2CPTG, Let me ask you a question.
If one of those lady friends asked you to father her child would you?
2CPTG©
September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm
Raqi, I’ve come to learn, when one comes into his/her own growness, life is so much more simpler.
White Man
September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm
?????
Raqi
September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm
I don’t think I can be friends with someone I have had intimate relations with. I can be cordial in passing but being friends, nah.