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Recovering from dating mistakes

A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of  pickle with her new guy.  This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone.  She claims her curiosity got the best of her because he is one of those “heavy texters” and she wanted to know if any of them were dirty texts with other women.

This is one of those awkward situations that is really tough to recover from.  Most men don’t want to think you are an insecure woman who has trust issues.  Even if this is the actual truth, you just can’t convince them you won’t let it be an ongoing problem after you have shown this side of you.

Have you ever made a really stupid mistake with someone in the “honeymoon phase” of a new dating relationship?  Were you able to dial it back and make things better?

How forgiving should we be when someone has shown bad judgment?

What is the best way to show someone that your one slip-up shouldn’t be the deal breaker that torpedoes your chances with them?

473 comments Add your comment

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:12 pm

White man?

so what’s the right tone and wording if u really wanna hit it for one night or short term?

Be generous in your hand holding of me on the subject……’……….

Go!

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
1:12 pm

I think texting is a viable means of communication.

A text during work hours shows that I’m thinking about you.

A text after work (but between those “free nights” time) shows that I’m thinking about you and my phone bill.

A call should be reserved for having a conversation, texts are like hidden post-it notes, just a little something nice.

Now to hold a conversation by text is silly.

Prefacto

September 30th, 2010
1:13 pm

Like I said when she was going through the text on my cell. Go on ahead. I ain’t got nothing to hide. And I don’t know why you made such a big fuss about catching me going through your pantie drawer.

Flavor

September 30th, 2010
1:13 pm

white man- yes we have an open one- we love the variety-anybody else make theirs work like that? And any mistakes?

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm

Melo…just be honest and let her know what you want.

Kym

September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm

@Simple Man..It depends on what I was wrong about. Reasons for relationships going south are not always Tyrone did wrong..could be Tyrone was just a bad choice at the time..if Tyrone has improved with age..then I might be willing to hang out with Tyrone again.

White Man

September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm

Flavor are you new at that style of relationship. I have been in one for 13 years.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:15 pm

White Man

Funny you mention I have found myself intimidated before when trying to talk to a lady that was super attractive only to find out that she was lonely as hell because men were afraid to approach her.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:16 pm

I wouldn’t say that…I mean it was ALWAYS kinky (cause he was a fraaareak) but IMO it had more to do with his jacked up mentality versus fiyah. He was pretty much my first and that lasted some years. I was what one would consider a “good girl” so I just think he didn’t want me to find another. He wasn’t really trying to be with me at that time he just thought if he kept me with the jones for him I wouldnt venture elsewhere…just what I believe.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
1:18 pm

“…to hold a conversation by text is silly.” Can’t stand it!

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:19 pm

Me either………to hold a conversation by text is silly.” Can’t stand it!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:19 pm

It’s me….lurker

Is he still trying???

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:20 pm

I ain’t believing men talking about being to intimated to approach a woman….for real? Or a woman that says ALL men are too intimated to approach…something about that don’t jive

K-Diddy

September 30th, 2010
1:20 pm

I’m not into snooping or asking a lot of questions either. I tend to treat guys like I want to be treated. I don’t want you all in my space unless I’m emotionally invested, then unfortunately I’m the information superhighway.

Sidebar: If someone calls you and they always go on and on, but never really ask you any questions, then when they’re finished talking they just kind of sit there..ie not engaging in a conversation, rather a monologue; Is that a sign of social ineptness, self-centeredness, or a combo?

This guy I’ve only gone out w/ a couple of times calls me, but really doesn’t have much to say. Never engages me, but just gives info and allows me to ask him ???’s to carry the convo. It’s numbing talking to him and I’m wondering if he’s just socially awkward or if he thinks that what he’s saying is so much more important (eventhough brotha ain’t saying ish). I can’t bring myself to go out with dude again and it sucks cuz he’s got all the checkmarks, but zero personality.

Christie

September 30th, 2010
1:21 pm

Well based on the fact that women have “gut feelings” about those things that go off in our heads when something doesn’tt sound right, or appear like someone says; she obviously had signs that this guy is texting someone like crazy;now if she knows he’s not texting her that much;it’s kinda clear whats going on. Yea it’s wrong to go through his phone,but in my opinion if you have to go through his cell, emails ,etc;you already know he’s cheating so why bother;just drop him and move on;plenty fish in the sea.

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:22 pm

WHite Man Flavor

Open Relationship? Exactly how does that work? Never done it just curious.

Bishop Eddie

September 30th, 2010
1:23 pm

Yeah you right.And sending pictures is silly and dangerous. Live and learn.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:24 pm

Simple man – Heck no…LOL The last time we talked, I mean talked was a couple of years back when I was in a pretty deep in a relationship and he was hanging on to some chick that had a bunch of material stuff…so he says. I did tell him I wish he’d gon and seal the deal so I could get my child support payments consistently…of course he could laugh about that. He stopped by unexpectedly New Years day 2009 as I was leaving my house. Of course there was a slight altercation because he followed me. I pulled over into a gas station and got out of my car, got his tag number and threatened to call the cops…he left.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

“I can’t bring myself to go out with dude again and it sucks cuz he’s got all the checkmarks, but zero personality.”

Been there, done that. It’s a form of torture.

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

Robert

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

It’s me….lurker

That’s why it’s important that ALL MEN refrain from participating in this “inappropriate” behavior. My Daddy would call me a “sissy” if he thought I was “texting” my woman all the time. ALL MEN please be a MAN and pickup the phone and call her. Do not let her continue with inappropriate behaviors such as sending “text” messages as a preferred form of communication. Women want men to be in control and tell them what to do. You will get control of your relationship.

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm

@K-diddy ~ combo, but mostly self-centeredness!

BTW, YESHEISCUTE ~ glad you’ve realized that’s not cool and is willing to change. When you hear yourself interrogating, LOL, spin around in place, take a deep gulp, give him a hug and say NEVA MIND!

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:26 pm

Robert I agree…I hate texting

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:27 pm

It’s me….lurker @ 1:20

Aain maybe its just me, but I have NEVER been afraid to aproach a lady regardless of what she looks like… I am always nice and respectful, and teh worst thing she can do is express disintrest and walk away or ans me to leave, My odds going in are always 50/50..so whats to be scared of???

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
1:27 pm

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:28 pm

Simple Man, I likes a man that ain’t scared to go for it…you know? That speaks volumes about him and his confidence.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm

Hmmmm…..Here we go again!!!
Sooooooo, It’s me, you got a minute…..

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm

K-diddy – Maybe ya’ll should get out and do something. Break the ice..sort of

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm

Dan – I agree with your post about texting.

Me & SO exchange good morning texts and may confirm later plans via text. We are both busy at work so we don’t spend a lot of time on the phone like two teenagers. We may text a food order or ask the other to pick up something at the store.

Texting allows us to touch base during a work day without getting in the way of our jobs. Other than that, most of our communication is in person.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:33 pm

White man?

So white chics are ok for one to ask one night stand questions like that?
How about asking if their oral game is tight…is that off base?

By the way do u date sisters??

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:33 pm

You’re silly. Gon ‘head and do your thang and get with AmazonRed

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
1:34 pm

Bishop Eddie

September 30th, 2010
1:35 pm

I only text when I’m driving or riding a horse. Get it Luckovich?

Flavor

September 30th, 2010
1:36 pm

Blackfoote open relationship to us means we can have another partner as long as the other is present-adds a little life to the deal. Just have to be very secure with each other-respectful to
white-man 13 years! So you have many other partners??
Just wondering any dating blunders with this type out there? You got to watch what you say lol

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:39 pm

It’s me….lurker

Wait one moment never did I mention I was afraid of anything, I have approached many women with out a flinch you call it what may but that was during my teen years is what I was refering to White Man on so don’t be so easy to judge we should all know this by now.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:40 pm

@It’s me’?

Did u say ‘ I likes a man’ 1:28 pm, in error or that’s how u speak?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:40 pm

Blackfoote – so don’t be so easy to judge we should all know this by now.

And don’t be so quick to get offended. It’s a blog, you put it out there it gets spoken to

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
1:41 pm

Toucan – I’ll be in the Panhandle tomorrow. Will you be around?

It's me....lurker

September 30th, 2010
1:42 pm

Melo – I said it on purpose…I likes a man. I speak very well. I don’t see you checking 2Can and he’s blogs like that all the time. I like the flavor in that.

And I just KNOW you ain’t tripping on anybody’s grammar. We need a decoder for your posts sometimes…LOL

blue™

September 30th, 2010
1:43 pm

ok, so what are we talking about now? hating on texters and another open relationship?

AmazonRed™

September 30th, 2010
1:45 pm

Hi ARed : No but have been to South America, Lima Peru just above Chile beautiful country.

Thank you Blackfoote!

Bishop Eddie

September 30th, 2010
1:46 pm

Oh yeah, I’ve caught a chick going through my texts. How did I handle it? Ask my first wife.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
1:46 pm

Women want men to be in control and tell them what to do.

:shock:

Last time I check I was a grown woman. In fact, I thought everyone on here was grown.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm

@It’s me’!

I ain’t trying to correct, only to understand.
I follow 2Can and there is no confusion.
It’s me’?
Not correcting, just trying to understand.

I follow 2Can and understand.
Was trying to understand u as well coz u normally don’t write that way!

U see u one of my favorites! :lol:

I

Blackfoote

September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm

It’s me…..lurker

No my dear didn’t get offended I just didn’t bring where it I could have been more specific. Since those teens years I have come up tremendously.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm

It’s me….lurker @ 1:33

:D :D :D Just teasing…LOL

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
1:48 pm

being in control and telling me what to do are most certainly NOT the same thing. but maybe that’s just me. :roll:

PMC

September 30th, 2010
1:49 pm

Life is more easily lived when you live it honestly.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
1:52 pm

“Toucan – I’ll be in the Panhandle tomorrow. Will you be around?”

yep, gimme a call….

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
1:52 pm

luv that ^, PMC