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Recovering from dating mistakes

A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of  pickle with her new guy.  This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone.  She claims her curiosity got the best of her because he is one of those “heavy texters” and she wanted to know if any of them were dirty texts with other women.

This is one of those awkward situations that is really tough to recover from.  Most men don’t want to think you are an insecure woman who has trust issues.  Even if this is the actual truth, you just can’t convince them you won’t let it be an ongoing problem after you have shown this side of you.

Have you ever made a really stupid mistake with someone in the “honeymoon phase” of a new dating relationship?  Were you able to dial it back and make things better?

How forgiving should we be when someone has shown bad judgment?

What is the best way to show someone that your one slip-up shouldn’t be the deal breaker that torpedoes your chances with them?

473 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:17 am

Sometimes…Mike Luckovich is an @sshol#….at other times, he is a genuis!

LMAO!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:19 am

Okay truth be told purple, I’m off the rocker lately for lack of adult exercise in :o almost 5 months.
:cry: yep, I’m dying over here.

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
11:19 am

“want anymore if right chick pops up to marry?”
(sorry for the quiz early this morning bro)

it’s cool (the questions)….herein lies my current dilemma; Jr. will be 18, Monday. Babygirl is actually my stepdaughter; she’s been calling me daddy since she was 2 years old, so that’s what I am! And I’ve always relished the fact that my son will be grown before I turn 40, and that would be it for me…..do I want to raise anymore? Not really…just being honest…..but I think I could set aside my selfish reasons and do it again…..with the right one….but my tolerance level for dumbshyt is so low, til it’s almost unfair. Cause I ain’t gon lie, my kids are pretty damn good…and to have to deal with somebody else’s bad ass child would drive me crazy…

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:21 am

2CPTG I can answer that very truthfully for you but not here. Too many immature onlookers just looking for fuel to keep crap going all the damn time.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:21 am

Simple – I agree with you on this – I noticed my parents growing up. Even though they were married they respected each other’s space. My dad didn’t go thru my mothers purse unless she asked him to get something. Not that she was hiding anything, that was just her “space”.

That’s my thought process with my relationships. We should respect each other’s personal space without it being perceived as hiding something from the other.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:22 am

2CPTG, nothing wrong with any of that. That’s mature and honest.

I Am, I figured as much, us men can spot when a woman needs some adult exercise from a mile away and we are only wrong 50% of the time. LOL I bet you are going to have a nice drive on the golf range since you are getting any. LOL

Leggs ~ Smiling

September 30th, 2010
11:22 am

“I Am, I think you need another adjustment” That was funny!

@I am ~ straight up speaking your mind! Pretty sure the blog loves you right back!

@czB ~ WOW!!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:22 am

ARED, My 11:14 does not apply to you….Like T.I. says.. “You can do whatever you liiiike!!!” :D :D :D

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:23 am

2CPTG, Imma send my answer to SexyCool and if she will do me the favor I trust her enough to tell you what I said. ‘kay

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:24 am

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:26 am

I think its obvious when someone is cheating. Things don’t add up. Sidenote: do you think its wrong to constantly ask someone where they were going or who was it that call or who they called? I mean I do that all the time if he’s like I’ll be back i’ll be like where you going or where did you go?

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:26 am

2Can!

I understand what you saying and feel the same!

My Daddy called me’ this past weekend(just as well I wasn’t gon call him) asking about my fam and asked the question:
When are you popping another kid??

Told him ‘No maas, I’ve had enough!’
He laughed!

Daamn expensive this rugrats!

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:26 am

Breaking, I just don’t get it. I am not about giving my heart and body completely over to a man that has a problem with me seeing that he gets discount emails from Hertz in his email box. Or he keeps a picture of his mother in his wallet.

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:28 am

Darn it!
I put too much water in my oatmeal :evil:

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:28 am

YES – Sounds like nagging. Dudes don’t like it.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:31 am

I am on the same wavelength as Rock AND kimmie and even Melo on this one.

If we are in a committed relationship, you should not have a PROBLEM with me having access to your personal space/belongings. (Notice I didn’t say snooping through as if I am Inch-High Private Eye.)

At the same time, I respect my partner’s space/belongings.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:32 am

Raqi – I agree with your 11:26, especially if dude is being evasive. I feel as long as we are respecting each other’s space in general, if I ask him can I get something out of his wallet, he shouldn’t freak out.

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
11:32 am

@YES

You’re either my girl or my PO. Don’t constanly ask me about my whereabouts or I’ll have to treat you like my PO.

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:34 am

It is nagging!

@YesSheIs?!!

If he loves u that much he may tolerate.

If u get benched, that’s why!

If you love somebody(something) set them/it free, if they don’t come back there were never yours anyway!

ever heard that????????

Try it sometimes!

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:36 am

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:37 am

Sexxy!

And even Melo?

Ok, let me’ go to the chatahoochee river,scrub this Leprosy off and when I come back may be u like me’ better!

:lol:

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:38 am

Oh…and I’m reminded of a Steve Harvey/Nephew Tommy bit where they are always saying that if a man will break his neck to get to his phone before you can even pick it up to hand it to him….well….you might have reason to be suspicious.

LOL!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
11:38 am

Simple, i don’t think you’re in the minority at all. many have posted that respecting one another’s things/info/space/etc. is a must.

kimmie … it does sound like nagging, and chicks don’t like it either. :) i’m learning to balance on that fine line between answering s/o’s ??? (because he takes an interest in the most inane things in my life) and feeling like he’s pretty darn nosey. LOL

2can … i’m right there witcha. the last thing i expected was to be deeply involved with someone with a very young child. it’s a difficult adjustment. you’ll get through it if you truly love the woman and like being around the kid.

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:39 am

LOL! Melo, you nutcase. I like you fine, leprosy and all. We just don’t always agree….that is all.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:40 am

YES – Is this the guy you spoke of earlier, that gave you a 2nd chance after you went thru his stuff?

Girl, you better chill.

blue™

September 30th, 2010
11:40 am

@Raqi – “privacy” and secrecy” imo, thats the big deal there. theres a difference between privacy (why you shouldnt snoop) and secrecy (why cant i ask a question without you getting hyper and defensive)..
@Blackfoote – …ty, ty…i’ll be answering direct questions all day, but will be sh00ting all snoopers in teh foot with my crossbow…

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:40 am

WOW I feel really bad now…honestly my family does it to me all the time and now I see where I get it from. I will definitely fall back on that thanks guys.

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:41 am

chicks don’t like it either.

Brat – Girl, we think alike!

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:42 am

Will someone answer this. What makes you even have the desire or want to look in a wallet/purse? Even if it is okay, you have permission, you feel comfortable doing so or you are sneaking. Why do it at all?

SexyCool

September 30th, 2010
11:42 am

blue…privacy v. secrecy…very well stated.

Breakingofdawn

September 30th, 2010
11:42 am

Raqi exactly that’s why I had to let it go. I think for me it was a comfort zone, being with someone with so much history. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to feel like I’m prying open a 2000 year old tombstone just to get a straight forward answer.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:43 am

What would a dude have in his wallet that he would be trying to hide????

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 30th, 2010
11:44 am

SexyCool – at your 11:17, I saw that too and HOLLERED this AM!!! LMBAO!!

2CPTG – I heart you man….and you can have my phone but if Idris Elba texts me dont respond. :smile: (lol!)

Man I want a good caramel cake…..

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

“What would a dude have in his wallet that he would be trying to hide????”

Money that his chick hadn’t siphoned out of him yet? :lol:

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

simple man was that question for me?

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

Purple – I know I don’t. But I guess I’m not curious about such. The only way I could see it is if I was truly suspicious and trying to find out something, like was he using an alias or something. But then, I would not be dating him. I’m real scary about stuff and don’t want to get caught up unknowingly in any criminal activities. So the day I feel I gotta do that, I gotta go! :shock:

Dan - simply...

September 30th, 2010
11:46 am

@Raqi

Privacy in this day and age is tantamount/equates to respect. Respect my privacy and my right to it and I’ll do the same.

I’ll let you in in due time, but let that be in my time.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:47 am

Simple Man, exactly. I mean you stop carrying rubbers in you wallet by 21. I leave my wallet all over the place.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:48 am

kimmie, it’s not even a matter of respecting my mate’s space. I don’t go thru my husband’s stuff all willy nilly other than looking thru his wallet that time but my problems lies with the secrecy and privacy in relationships these days.

When the person has a “secret” something (drawer, wallet, phone, etc) that you are not allowed to see or touch. That’s what I don’t get in relationships these days.

I am trying to word it in a way that you understand what I am saying. Maybe this will do it, we don’t ramble thru each other’s stuff looking for whatever, but we don’t lock each other out either. Does that make sense to you?

So many of these conversations that are had on here makes it seem like people are living in relationships with people that they aren’t allowed and don’t allow full access. It’s not so much as what one may want to see but more so what they are being prevented from seeing. Makes sense?

And again I am not talking about disrespecting belongings.

Raqi

September 30th, 2010
11:49 am

I’ll let you in in due time, but let that be in my time.

Dan, that’s what I said in my first comment. I agree.

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:50 am

kimmie, I am the same way. There is nothing that will make me just want to go through her purse, she leaves it all over the place as well. I am not nosey and if I thought something was amiss I would still not be going through her purse. Just the fact of wanting go through it either means you are “looking for something” nosey or just nosey. IMO LOL

Purple Rain (Psycho C)

September 30th, 2010
11:50 am

Who here opens your mates mail?

kimmie

September 30th, 2010
11:51 am

Raqi – I totally get what you are saying. I have trouble wording things sometimes on here, but yes I know what you are talking about! :)

Simple Man!!!!!

September 30th, 2010
11:51 am

Yesshe is… it was for everybody???? I mean I rarely even put loot in my wallet! My ID and Building access card…Credit card but thats it… Wait I hopt the are not still dudes carrying old phone numbers in the wallet….or like PR said, that old dried out condom….

Melo!

September 30th, 2010
11:55 am

Raqi?!

So the answer to10:59 question is not

Yes or No but depends!?

You will try to work it out??

I hope Ared is listening!!!

:lol:

I am whatever you say I am™

September 30th, 2010
11:56 am

I gotta go pee pee :shock:

2CPTG©

September 30th, 2010
11:57 am

Brat, I’d rather deal with a youngster, than an adolescent; the youngins you can “train ‘em up in a way that they” won’t get on ya damn nerves; but these new age teens may not have been raised to your liking/standards, and you try to instill some real shyt in their lives, and they rebel. Me, I ain’t havin it….

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:57 am

@ SIMPLE MAN I was asking if it was a response to my anecdote was about going through the wallet.
But yeah i wasn’t looking for incriminating evidence b/c he’s so into fixing on his hobby car i really doubt it. I’ve never seen him drool over a girl the way he drools over a souped up ride so…. I used to ask people if i could see their wallet only b/c it usually gives you an idea about their personality. My wallet has my school id, my expired miltary dependent id, my frequent flyer card (which I do not use since my flights are always free :) ), my metro card for when I’m in nyc, discount cards from various retailers, cards and a lot of receipts. Very rarely cash.

But anyway I’ve always asked. Never will i just look again!

czBrat

September 30th, 2010
11:58 am

LMAO @ Melo.

to clarify, SexyC, s/o will actually hold his phone up to read texts or see who’s calling him so he doesn’t seem to care if i see his business. i just feel no NEED to know his business. we were riding around the other day and i was shotgun manning the lap, so he gave me his password to access his info. now, i could have committed that to memory if i was a snoop but NOPE. no inclination, no reason, no need.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 30th, 2010
11:59 am

how do you smilies the different fonts on here?