Do single men feel pressure to marry?
I was lamenting with a friend of mine about no longer being eligible to donate my eggs to infertile couples. For some random reason this bummed me out! Normal single women have biological clocks that inch them towards marriage. Yours truly? I want to cling to the option of donating eggs. I know, I’ve always been a little strange, but I digress.
My friend consoled me by saying I may not be the perfect candidate to donate eggs but I would still make a great wife. He said that as a man, even with the option to have children at a later age, he has felt pressure to become a husband.
Awesome compliment aside (thanks Greg!), what he said me wonder about pressure single men have about relationships and marriage. Is it the same kind of pressure society places on women (and our ovaries!) and how do men handle it?
When men see their friends and peers getting married, do they get the feeling as if they are being left behind?
Ladies, do you think that a man past a certain age that has remain unmarried is still marriage material?
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613 comments Add your comment
Single vs Married
September 29th, 2010
10:58 am
Do men feel the pressure? I’m not a man so I don’t know but what I do know is that my hubby didn’t feel the pressure but he felt the urgency to lock me down so to speak. I agree with M. (he’s somewhere towards the beginning) who said he felt that men feel the need to lock down a good woman once they find her thinking she is gonna be the BEST he will find in his LIFE for him. I feel that as a married woman I did the same thing. All the while I dated my hubby I was still on the lookout for other guys to make sure he was the one for me in this lifetime. I think I made a pretty good choice. Compared to my single dating life (which was full of losers and crazy men) I’ll take the married life anyday. When it’s good it’s great! But when it’s bad it’s worse!
This is my opinion only so don’t get offended!!! If you want kids then old men that need viagra or other drugs to get it up are not marriage material. Some old men are not good marriage material b/c they are old and set in their ways. But hey there are those that argure money will make an old man marriage material so…kudos to whatever floats your boat!
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 29th, 2010
10:59 am
@Simple man good answer! My goal is being debt free or having something that either of us can afford if one of us are out of work, injured etc. IMO whatever makes sense money wise.
I personally know someone that was affiliated with Ne-Yo and she puts him on EL’s team. She is a very sharp lady and deals with plenty of entertainers (strictly business), and I believe her. However I do love me some Ne-Yo
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:00 am
Kimmie: when my son turns 21, I think that will be the one and only time I would desire to club with my son.
Hmmmnnn….now that I think about it, no I don’t want to, lol.
THe last thing I would ever want is for him to be a momma’s boy.
My son is only 2 but already I provide opportunities for him to be independent. We he meets the woman of his dreams, I hope he will marry and if he were to marry, I would stay out of their affairs.
On that note, men also need to learn that when they marry, wife comes first.
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:01 am
typo: when
Melo!
September 29th, 2010
11:01 am
@I am?!
go ahead and buy a house!
U can always get a prenuptial before dude puts ring on it. If your house is such a big deal!
kimmie
September 29th, 2010
11:02 am
2C – Your 10:55 – I was wondering the same.
I am – Some people from the past were raised that a proper lady went from her parents house to her husbands. It was not proper for a single woman to be living in her own place. I actually dated a guy whose mother was like that – her own knocking on 40 daughter lives at home instead of her own place. She used to make comments to me about it when I was dating her son, but I wasn’t having it. That was year 2000, not 1950.
Is that what you are talking about? Or do you think if a woman has it going on, with her own home and all, that a dude will think she doesn’t need a man, thus not need him or feel intimidated?
If so, girl this is 2010. He would need to get over it and go about getting his own!
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:03 am
Single vs. married ….Have you stayed faithful?
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 29th, 2010
11:03 am
@LURKER-1 http://www.wsbtv.com/video/25206797/index.html
I think this is the most you will get…I think you are right about some taking it down
Beautiful
September 29th, 2010
11:03 am
the men that i’m in contact with WANT to be married. i think its because they are lonely. you can hear it in their voice. its sad. i so wish i wasn’t picky, i would be someone’s wifey right now. LOL!
i was thinking just last night . . . at what age will i settle? if i’m not married by 45, would i actually downgrade??? can i grow to love and be happily married to a man who i’m not attracted to or have no chemistry with??? hmmmmm . . . my big thing is i want to be happy! if i’m away from bruh, i want the feeling of *i can’t wait to see his a** tonight!*. and i just left him 2 mins ago.
kimmie
September 29th, 2010
11:04 am
DD – I actually have heard the same about Ne Yo. I love his music too though.
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:05 am
Beautiful…do not push it. If it will happen it will. But dont force it.
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 29th, 2010
11:06 am
If you’re going to downgrade, why not remain single??
Kimmy
September 29th, 2010
11:07 am
Everyone gets lonely from time to time, therefore there will be that time when you think about those friends that are in a happy relationship and wish you had the same. Usually that moment passes and you move on. A 40 y/o/m is a bachelor and a 40 y/o/f is a spinster. That’s just it unfortunately SMH!
Purple Rain
September 29th, 2010
11:09 am
I Am, I would not mind a woman who had her own house. Actually I question adults over the age of 35 who have never been a “owner” and has been forever a renter. Unless the come from a major city or something.
Kym
September 29th, 2010
11:09 am
@Kimmie..Ne-Yo ’s momma should let go. Actually she should have let go awhile ago. I love my son..but I am not trying to hold on to him like that. He knows at 18 you go away to college..away..like not around here..away. I thought he could stay instate but even that is too close. All kids need to get out and make their own mistakes..screw ups..whateva..it is how you grow and evolve as a person.
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 29th, 2010
11:10 am
@Kimmy ~ and, along with those thoughts of your friend’s happy relationship, you immediately also think of those who are unhappy and STUCK. I know of more in inhappy marriages than I do in happy, healthy ones. I’m glad to know those who are happy, but man, the scales of justice are definitely unbalanced.
Purple Rain
September 29th, 2010
11:11 am
There is a difference between Love and Love of our ego/pride. The lines become blurred often. Sometimes we fight and hurt for what we are supposed to others time we do the same just to protect our ego and pride
Leggs ~ Smiling
September 29th, 2010
11:12 am
unhappy…..
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 29th, 2010
11:12 am
It was not proper for a single woman to be living in her own place.
My mother was raised under that pattern of thinking and she encouraged her daughters to become homeowners, businesswomen etc. She told me as a woman you should be able to take care of yourself. When she was brought up her daddy did not teach the girls to drive, when she came to the city she paid the driving school to teach her. As for the independent arugument it is 2010 and I need to sleep somewhere….why should I make the landlord rich?
As for Ne-yo this lady is behind the camera, but she is very creative, smart and she is not messy at all.
LURKER-1
September 29th, 2010
11:13 am
Thanks DD, the one on youtube was about 7 mins but it didn’t have the part when he felt the “spirit”
Beautiful
September 29th, 2010
11:14 am
@WhiteMan . . . don’t push it? did it read like i was? i’ve been single since 2004. truss me, ain’t no push’n going on. LOL!
@Leggs . . . my question to myself is: *is downgrading really that bad?*
kimmie
September 29th, 2010
11:15 am
DD – My mom used to preach “God bless the child that’s got his own” 24/7. We got a little sick of it, but we appreciate it! LOL!!
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:15 am
Thanks for the response white man
2C: I guess it would be a turn off for an insecure guy
Blackfoot: THat sounds reasonable. For me, if I were engaged and the market were better, I would gladly sell the house rather than have 2 mortgages unless dude insisted.
Melo!
September 29th, 2010
11:17 am
NE Yo was on frank ski some months back talking about that baby.
If my memory serves me’ right it’s by artificial insemination. And with a surrogate.
He looks sweet tho, no doubt!
Purple Rain
September 29th, 2010
11:17 am
I thought Ne-Yo was gay
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:17 am
Melo: I already have a house.
I just wanted to know how men think.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 29th, 2010
11:19 am
i am… — I’m with 2can & others… Why would owning a house possibly be a turn off? Mrs. Swiss & I both owned houses when we met & because of that, we were able to each sell our respective decent houses & upgrade to a kick-a$$ crib jointly.
Now, if someone is still living at home with mom/dad, that raises some concerns for me. At the very least, she better have a nice nest egg saved up in that situation, otherwise I would seriously question her fiscal responsibility.
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:19 am
Why do most women want to push the marriage arguement so much?
kimmie
September 29th, 2010
11:19 am
I guess it would be a turn off for an insecure guy
I am – And a guy that insecure should be a turn-off to you. I know for me it would. Especially in 2010.
Purple Rain
September 29th, 2010
11:21 am
Now a man should not move into a womans house and sell his. If they get married they need to have both names on it. Especially if she gets mad and trying to throw him out whenever she gets mad or if she holds it over his head ever.
Le Siren
September 29th, 2010
11:24 am
Off topic: Come on people, I thought everyone knew that Neyo was gay! I mean, look at EVERY picture of him. He looks the part. Love his music though:)
On topic: My current boyfriend and I have been together two years. He’s 38 and has never been married and has no children. On top of that he’s successful in his career and very attractive. Needless to say, he is an extremely rare find. He’s felt a great deal of pressure from family and friends as to when he’s finally going to get married and have kids. Fortunately, neither one of us feel the pressure to rush into this. We’re enjoying each other too much to change anything right now!
Kym
September 29th, 2010
11:26 am
Well what if I have the better house?
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:28 am
KYM…I would have no problem with that. I do not see why people on this board think that would be an issue.
kimmie
September 29th, 2010
11:28 am
Purple – I have some friends that got married. They both make mad money and both had houses. They moved into the wifes house because hers was the much nicer one in a nicer neighborhood. I’m sure they have the financials worked out, but like I said, they both had major money going into the marriage.
As for a woman holding something like that over a mans head – why is he married to someone like that again? If she’s like that, he should have gotten an inkling she was that way before they married. He got what he wanted.
Beautiful
September 29th, 2010
11:28 am
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/09/7_year_old_rapper_lil_p_nut_vod_0927.php
SexyCool
September 29th, 2010
11:29 am
An issue that I have with the *Black* church is I don’t understand why there are so many itty-bitty struggling ass congregations in storefront churches and converted office spaces always *THIS* close to being foreclosed on or evicted.
I mean, really, Prophetess DoRight’s 30 member congregation right across the Reverand ShoNuff’s 38 member church just don’t make a lot of sense to me.
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 29th, 2010
11:29 am
@LURKER-1 Between his play on words, the hair toupee, and saying something in his spirit he becoming spooky to me. Not to mention the comparison with David, because a few scholars that are not religious question David’s sexuality and his relationship with Jonathan. Anyhow this mess will still be going on three years from now if he don’t pull out the golden pen and sign his name to four or five checks.
@Kimmie my mother said the same thing.
@White man I see women that are thirsty and phinning for a man always talking about relationships and marriage. I will share this with you I “kick them to the curb.” My female friends are progressive and they are happy with themselves so they are not out here on a massive search for a man.
Purple Rain
September 29th, 2010
11:29 am
When I got married I added her name to my house her and she added my name to her house back home.
blue™
September 29th, 2010
11:30 am
Couldn’t see living in her house, but would help her with the upkeep.
Now a man should not move into a womans house and sell his
imo, this type of atitude is what gets the feminists all keyed up…why shouldnt he? what if she has the better house? what if hers is closer to being paid than his? seems so many of hte comments are based around mens ego more than anything else…smh
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:30 am
SexyCool…I have a question. Why do most black female leaders of congregations call themselves “Prophetess”?
Beautiful
September 29th, 2010
11:30 am
i can’t help but SMILE when i view that link.
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:30 am
SexyCool….I can also answer your question…are you sure you want to hear it?
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:32 am
Met Neyo in person back in the day…. he had a baby with him.
He was cool. But, I still think he’s GAY GAY GAY GAY
Purple Rain
September 29th, 2010
11:33 am
I am not saying a man can or should not move into her house if it’s nicer I am just say both names need to be on the deed, wherever they decide to live. If she moves with him add her to the deed etc
The whole problem with that Church is that there were no checks and balances, someone should have known something was not right and been able to pull the pastor to the side or just stop him from being in a compromising situation.
Single vs Married
September 29th, 2010
11:34 am
@White Man. Yep. Has he? Yep. Just listening to our single friends horrible episodes of the dating scene is enough. And then not to mention out of shape men, no hygiene having men, old men (eww- i just don’t wanna see hanging private parts and gray hair. i’d rather grow old w/my partner and then see it) and why would i want another dude beatn it up or laying it down? I”ve always been selective about who got to see it or even get in it (my daddy’s rules). So being faithful is not hard for me. However, roping in my flirtatiousness and teasing nature is! My hubby and I lived together for 6mths before we were to get married. So I had to come home after my bachlorette party. My hubby said my BFs handed him my one high heel sandal (the other was still on my foot) and pushed me in his hands and ran back to the car giggling. I was sooooo WASTED! He said the whole time this was going on I was saying to him…’Baby I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’ over and over again. He even had to put me in a cold shower! Till this day I do not know what I was apologizing for and my BFs won’t tell me. You gotta love your BFs! I’m a huge party girl…that’s been the hardest for me to pull back on.
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:34 am
LOL! I think the lady whom I bought my house from may have had newlewed issues
She was selling her house because she recently got married.
When I went for my viewing, house was empty except for a little bit of furniture.
When I cam back for final walk thru-after inspection- It looked like someone had spent the night.
kimmie
September 29th, 2010
11:35 am
Melo – Your 11:17, that explains alot!
Guess his mama will probably get her wish then, she won’t have to worry about him marrying that young lady!
White Man
September 29th, 2010
11:36 am
Single vs. Married….that is great, most women cannot say the same thing. Especially if they come from a large party scene.
SexyCool
September 29th, 2010
11:36 am
WM –
1130a(1) – I have no idea.
1130a(2) – I have my opinions as to why…most of which I believe are money motivated. And of course, you are more than welcome to offer your thoughts and opinions at any time.
I am whatever you say I am™
September 29th, 2010
11:36 am
Okay ladies and gents.
I need lunch ideas.
STart typing out your suggestions for the perimeter area