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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Why aren’t more women approaching men?

I hope your weekend was wonderful and fun!  I was in the Big Easy hanging out and mingling with cool people.   I saw a lot of interesting things this weekend while hanging out in New Orleans.  I love the energy of the city and the people are so much fun.  

I noticed that women seem to approach men a lot more than in Atlanta!  I have to say there were a couple of guys that caught my eye and approaching them didn’t seem like a bad idea.  What is it about going to a different city and meeting people that seems easier than at home?

When men get approached by women, it seems to be a huge ego boost and I believe it is rare when a guy flat out turns her down.   I am sure it happens but once a lady gives an inkling that she is interested, she opens the door for the man to reciprocate interest.

What is the best way to approach a guy, though?  I have seen some women come on way too strong and when they sense the guy is turned off, they keep pursuing.  Are women slow to notice that a man isn’t really feeling her?

Guys when you are approached by a woman, do you know right away? What happens when you decide that she isn’t your type?  How do you let her down?

I think women are always encouraged to ask guys out or at least approach men more, but it seems that many of us prefer to let the men make the first move.  Do you think this will ever change?  If we are modern women who abandon a lot of the traditional courting, should we get used to approaching men? 

Ladies, what are your fears about approaching men? What is the worst that can happen?

590 comments Add your comment

Kym

September 27th, 2010
10:25 am

@SexyCool..J Anthony called his hairpiece an abomination and said it looked like a greasy yamuke(sp)…Dude has a helicopter, huge house, black diamonds, and preaches from a ipad, and he is the David in this fight? Yeah okay joker. All they hype and he said nada.

PrincessNik...CAM'S # 1 FAN

September 27th, 2010
10:27 am

whos been stealing my lotion off my desk? bottles near empty….not happy

Blue, LOL before i moved to this department, i’d put the stinky lotion on my desk for “borrowers”, now that I’m in a male dominated dept I can put the VS on my desk and not worry cause heaven forbid they go home smelling sweet :lol:

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
10:28 am

And one more….Why doesn’t dude employ an image consultant/stylist?

Breakingofdawn

September 27th, 2010
10:29 am

That’s ABC’s approach and thoughts he’s entitled to them. We all do what works for us. What’s good for the geese isn’t for the bear. For the men I’ve approached one I was engaged to, and the others I dated long term. They all took me making the first step as a welcome outside of the norm back in the day(over 10 years ago).

2CPTG©

September 27th, 2010
10:29 am

Kym….gotta hand it to ya Steelers…they did the damn thing!

Sexy Cool, gal, I laughed so hard when I seen EL with that wig on….all I could think about was that scene in the movie, “Meet the Browns” when they were at the funeral, and Mr. Brown had on that toupe’….both of ‘em looked a hot mess…and that suit!!! dude looked like Bruce Leroy in “The Last Dragon”!!!!

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 27th, 2010
10:30 am

Good day and Go Bears tonight!

“What is it about going to a different city and meeting people that seems easier than at home?

What makes it easier is that every city has a different vibe and you really have nothing to lose. Like yesterday, I met this very attractive woman from Indiana and she looked at me twice and we started talking.

Some Atlanta women have an entitlement element in which they would never put their pride out or themselves out to approach a guy.

“What is the best way to approach a guy, though?”

I think the best way to approach us is to keep everything light hearted.

“What happens when you decide that she isn’t your type? How do you let her down?”

I would just be real cordial and laid back and if she asks if we should hang out, I would just be honest. If I am not interested, I can say you seem cool but this situation probably would not be a good fit for me.

Kym

September 27th, 2010
10:31 am

Why doesn’t dude employ an image consultant/stylist?

Then he needs to sue him/her..cause they owe him some money back.

SlimNumeroUno

September 27th, 2010
10:31 am

SexyCool – GUrrrrl my sister and cousin were on EL hard about that hairdo…my cousin was said it looked like a bad tupee and that his barber ought to have his barbers license taken away because he didn’t look blended in in the back. lol

Also, for fun we drove by NB Saturday night to see if any news crews were staked out there….around 10:30 there was already a news van posted up outside. :shock:

And folks on fb are going hard on EL…somebody said they were going to give out free tight shirts to the first few folks who showed up. LOL

DJ Sniper

September 27th, 2010
10:33 am

To all women who have had crazy experiences when approaching men, all I can say is this: welcome to our world. lol When we approach women, we have no idea what’s going to happen. We always run the risk of coming onto a woman that may be with someone else (opposite or same sex), or she may come out of her mouth with something crazy. Bottom line, don’t let the bad experiences outweigh the good.

Abc, what is it about your upbringing that makes you think that a woman who approaches you is an easy lay or that she does it with everybody?

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 27th, 2010
10:33 am

SCool – LMBAO!!! Oh you are a mess!!! I was very disturbed by the Curly Kit and I too thought about Sexual Chocolate after he dropped the mike! Too funny!

PrincessNik...CAM'S # 1 FAN

September 27th, 2010
10:33 am

all I could think about was that scene in the movie, “Meet the Browns” when they were at the funeral, and Mr. Brown had on that toupe’

@ 2CPTG now that just cracked me all the way up!!!

Breakingofdawn

September 27th, 2010
10:33 am

Teddy Short was full of comedy on Sunday from the “hairoutfit” to not out right saying he did not do it. Saying “I’m not a perfect man” leaves the back door open to he did something.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 27th, 2010
10:38 am

@Breaking
@Amazon

“Men don’t even have to try anymore.”

Oh we have to try still. Real guys have to contend with all the Captain Save Her’s, Tricks, Simps, etc that are putting these women on a pedestal for no reason.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 27th, 2010
10:40 am

@SlimNumeroUno

That hairdo was crazy! It looked like he had on a Leather Jeri Curl!

Kym

September 27th, 2010
10:41 am

LMAO @ Dropping the mike like Sexual Chocolate!!! ….Oh the jokes!..you have to laugh to keep from crying…at the sickness of it all.

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
10:42 am

Where is it written that men are suppose to approach a woman first. And by approach I mean offer a compliment or ask the man to dance. Things are too screwy and too many rules that makes dating insanely weird. A woman is too forward if she approaches first, may be deemed slutty, thirsty or pray tell, w/o morals. So, when men do this, they’re MAN all the way with no ulterior motives. Ok!

PrincessNik...CAM'S # 1 FAN

September 27th, 2010
10:42 am

Leather Jeri Curl!

*officially flatlined*

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
10:42 am

:roll: More New Birth discussion. Good time to get my day going… :arrow:

abc

September 27th, 2010
10:42 am

Being forward isn’t just an indication of being loose, in fact, it may not be an indication of that. It’s more an indication of an aggressive nature. But, that can lend itself to being loose, too. It’s the way my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents thought about it, and I agree with them, hence part of my upbringing.

Right or wrong! It’s not so much the way I think about it, but the way I feel about it. One can change the way they think (with significant effort), but not so much the way they feel. Changes in feelings have to just somehow happen.

CoolShadow

September 27th, 2010
10:44 am

For me, the more important thing is making the right choice whomever does the approaching.

A very understated yet critical component in the early stages of dating someone.

I believe the main reasons women are afraid to approach men are the 1) morbid fear of rejection and 2) the passive mindset that men are to approach women. Most women were probably raised and trained not to approach men but to let men come to them and simply accept or reject advances based on her criteria. Sometimes that fear of rejection women have is justified through their beliefs about women approaching men being improper or unnatural in the order of things.

But just because women make the initial move doesn’t mean that the man won’t court you. Fact is, if the guy is decent, he’ll still be decent guy regardless of who approached first; conversely, if he’s a knucklehead he’ll still be one no matter what. If you’re a woman who has no trouble attracting men then maybe there’s no reason for you to approach; however, if you’re a woman who is dissatisfied with the quality or lack of men approaching you then maybe making the first move should be a consideration. I’m flattered when a woman approaches me because it’s likely she had to step out of her comfort zone to do that.

Melo!

September 27th, 2010
10:44 am

On EL, I actually found the parishioners to be gullible and stupid,cheering at him for every little thing.

After seeing him live,I am actually more respectful and sorry(for) of him and his explanation. This is a legal case which needs to be handled in a legal way. So no detailed explanations required.

I would hate for him to be found guilty but I have to pray for those NB worshippers.
Downright stupid and gullible!

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 27th, 2010
10:46 am

@K-Diddy

I agree with you but I think thats a big misconception that alot of women have is all guys really want is the cookies. An AVERAGE guy just wants the cookies. So make sure you aim above average!

Simple Man!!!!!

September 27th, 2010
10:49 am

blue @ 10:19….

Speaking of bad wigs…..Did you see you boy yesterday????

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
10:51 am

MDot – “An AVERAGE guy just wants the cookies.”

I will take that even further to stay that ALL guys want the cookies. It’s really a matter of finding a guy who wants what comes along with your cookies as well.

And usually, what determines whether or not a guy wants more than the cookies is in how you present yourself, carry yourself, your level of intelligence, ability to communicate, level of crazy, sense of humor, level of drama…and so on…

Or in short…how much extra bllsht is he going to have to deal with to get the cookies.

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
10:54 am

Melo – I don’t think EVERYbody was cheering. I saw some of the interviews afterwards and everybody didn’t drink the koolaid.

But here’s the thing…when you’ve got an auditorium that seats 10,000 people…rumored to be 8,000 in attendance…and only 1 out of every 2 people cheer and clap. Then you’ve still got 4,000 people rooting on the madness and it could very well *seem* like *EVERY*body had a cup of the *red* flavor.

blue - ™

September 27th, 2010
10:56 am

@Simple Man – i saw it…looked like he was wearing a hair hat…not even a toupee, but an actual hair hat….i hear he still hasnt come out even to his congregation to say whether the allegations are true or false?

DJ Sniper

September 27th, 2010
10:57 am

CoolShadow, you speak the truth. If a woman is having trouble meeting quality guys, changing her tactics may do her a world of good. No sense just sitting on the sidelines, adhering to old school methods if they aren’t getting you the desired results.

SexyCool, you are right in that all guys do want the cookie, but as a woman, you want to find the one who wants everything else along with it.

NY2GA

September 27th, 2010
10:59 am

Cool Shadow – amen to your 10:44 … You and IndigoLuv said it best …

kimmie

September 27th, 2010
11:01 am

Kym – I’m kinda taking a little break from politics. I stick my head in here & there, but folks have just lost their minds. I was getting too mad, so I will just early vote & keep it moving!

Melo!

September 27th, 2010
11:01 am

@Leggs?

Where are societal mores written?
Is morality, for exame, legislated?

Same thing with women approaching or not. It’s not written anywhere. It’s what most societies believe or don’t believe based on what has worked to maintain certain mores.

Not many chics in their early twenties are lamenting on not approaching men. It’s mostly those who haven’t found success and are afraid of the approaching twilight.

Ain’t that telling? :lol:

PrincessNik...CAM'S # 1 FAN

September 27th, 2010
11:03 am

i hear he still hasnt come out even to his congregation to say whether the allegations are true or false?

@ Blue, all i got out of the speech was he is going to fight it. It being the claims of coersion and abuse of fiduciary duty, didn’t say he didn’t have any dealings with the men, so to me that could mean yea i did it but i didn’t force em or coerce them to do it……

jus sayin….

kingster

September 27th, 2010
11:04 am

Very interesting subject, I feel its a good idea for most women to approach men, so many of us have wanted to approach a woman and either she’s nice to say she is not interested or she is rude and ugly, I have had both. Guys are expected to do it all, basicly its a interview of sort. I am in my 40’s, not married anymore and no kids, so I have been down a couple of roads of dating, some good, some bad. Ladies are more independent than in the pass, sure why not take the lead sometimes and approach a man, I for one would very much like that. Again the reason why I say this, a lot of people miss out for not stepping up (guys).

Melo!

September 27th, 2010
11:07 am

SCool?

I agree!
I saw some interviews on tele of some who were not satisfied.

But the cheering ones had me’ :roll: coz of all that isle hollering at his every word!

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 27th, 2010
11:08 am

@SC

Exactly. Some guys value cookies over everything! Thats a huge problem to me.

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
11:09 am

@Melo ~ I realize it’s not written anywhere. Point was although it’s the acceptable norm for a man to approach a woman first, we’re not dating like our mothers and fathers did. “Courting” is a wonderful thing and needs to be front and center. However, when striking up a conversation, extending a compliment, asking for a dance, offering to buy a drink, lunch or even dinner, it doesn’t have to exclusively fall on the shoulders of the man. Sure, it’s the preferred approach, but it’s not the only approach!

2CPTG©

September 27th, 2010
11:11 am

Melo….you said, “Where are societal mores written?
Is morality, for exame, legislated?

yes it is! that’s why prostitution, and drug possession is illegal….legislation of morality.

Kym

September 27th, 2010
11:11 am

@kimmie..Madness is right. I am going to the Rally for Sanity(Atlanta version) on October 30th with John Stewart..I know it is satire..but sanity is really needed right now in politics for sure. I am making a sign and everything. OUR RALLY TASTES GREAT AND IS LESS FILLING.

Kym

September 27th, 2010
11:17 am

That’s jon stewart…

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
11:18 am

Toucan – I thought about your comment last week when I caught The EL Show yesterday (which strangely reminded me of the LBJ Announcement hype.)

I kept expecting a flat out denial. And now, please believe that I understand that not denying is not admission of guilt…but still…..

blue - ™

September 27th, 2010
11:18 am

@Princess – yeah, that sounds very noncommittal to me…as a congregant i would want some word from him as to the validity of the charges b4 i started cheering and rallying my support…i mean what exactly am i supporting if you wont say anything about what you did or didnt do?

Kym

September 27th, 2010
11:23 am

@blue..he said he is not that man portrayed in the media.. He put on his humble..victim wig yesterday.

kimmie

September 27th, 2010
11:24 am

I have to agree with Melo some on this topic though – the dating game has really not changed much in a lot of ways. A lot of men, even some young ones, still think the same way he & abc do about women who make the first move. For them and a lot of others, that’s just not the natural order of things. And we still expect the man to decide how far the relationship is going to go and for him to do the proposing of marriage.

It’s tough to have it both ways. Men talk a lot on here about how they want to lead. I remember one of my exes talking about how he was a leader and the head of everything. Me Man, Me Rule. I told him that was all great. But I told him he really couldn’t pick and choose when he wanted to lead. I told him with power comes responsibility and he needed to be up to the task to be the head of household. He got quiet.

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
11:26 am

WOO HOO, WOO HOO, I won again, but this time I’m keeping the tickets…Mary J Blige, Jasmine Sullivan and El DeBarge @ Chastain!!

kimmie

September 27th, 2010
11:26 am

I expected nothing from the EL circus yesterday, and the whole thing pretty much lived up to my expectations. I mean, what really did everyone think he was going to be able to say and still comply with his lawyer’s advice?

2CPTG©

September 27th, 2010
11:31 am

Leggs, you think you hit a lick…dig this, my kinfolk in NC hit me up this weekend ’bout an old school concert on Oct 8th…Salt N Peppa, Slick Rick, Dougie Fresh, Whodini, Rob Base, Kid N Play, & Naughty Nature….bout to pull out my parachute pants, and old B-Boy outfits…

blue - ™

September 27th, 2010
11:34 am

@Kym – not the man portrayed in the media…hmmmm…that again seems to me very much open to interpretation. but as was mentioned, his lawyer prob wont let him say a whole lot…but as a parishioner, i think id need a lot more to go on b4 i started camping outside the church to lend my support…

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
11:36 am

@2C ~ dang, that’s gonna be an excellent concert. My kind of music! Enjoy!

DreamsMaterialize

September 27th, 2010
11:36 am

Morning
This again huh? A real man will treat you based on his principles. Approaching him won’t change that. I think many women use that rationale as a disguise for:
1) fear of rejection
2) not having a real justification for not approaching

Purple Rain

September 27th, 2010
11:44 am

A longtime ago woman initially made her self known to me first…..I ended up marrying her. Glad she made me notice her.

Bishop Long can’t deny the work he has done for the Body of Christ, he can deny all of the allegations with those men,whether they are true or not. God is the author of all things so my concern is not with the EL situation but my prayers are for the Body of Christ because it hurts. We are one Body with one God. I am in no position to judge anyone nor will I ever be. His time as Bishop of his congregation may be over or this may serve to put other “leaders” on notice, in the end God’s will shall be done. Now, I wil refrain from anymore jokes about the Bishop, or I will try really really hard not to. I did not say I would not laugh at them though. LOL

Blackfoote

September 27th, 2010
11:44 am

Good morning everyone
Hey Leggs I have to take your position on your 10:42 because no one is the authority on why a women can’t ask first. And to the brothers who take that as being to forward for a woman, you may miss out on a great opportunity.