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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Why aren’t more women approaching men?

I hope your weekend was wonderful and fun!  I was in the Big Easy hanging out and mingling with cool people.   I saw a lot of interesting things this weekend while hanging out in New Orleans.  I love the energy of the city and the people are so much fun.  

I noticed that women seem to approach men a lot more than in Atlanta!  I have to say there were a couple of guys that caught my eye and approaching them didn’t seem like a bad idea.  What is it about going to a different city and meeting people that seems easier than at home?

When men get approached by women, it seems to be a huge ego boost and I believe it is rare when a guy flat out turns her down.   I am sure it happens but once a lady gives an inkling that she is interested, she opens the door for the man to reciprocate interest.

What is the best way to approach a guy, though?  I have seen some women come on way too strong and when they sense the guy is turned off, they keep pursuing.  Are women slow to notice that a man isn’t really feeling her?

Guys when you are approached by a woman, do you know right away? What happens when you decide that she isn’t your type?  How do you let her down?

I think women are always encouraged to ask guys out or at least approach men more, but it seems that many of us prefer to let the men make the first move.  Do you think this will ever change?  If we are modern women who abandon a lot of the traditional courting, should we get used to approaching men? 

Ladies, what are your fears about approaching men? What is the worst that can happen?

590 comments Add your comment

Simple Man!!!!!

September 27th, 2010
8:30 am

Biiiiiiig yawn……Damn its Monday already??? I need somthing to drink…I wish a woman would approach me and offer to buy me a bottled water………

2CPTG©

September 27th, 2010
8:33 am

g’morning….

“What is the worst that can happen?”

ummm, he can be honest, and let you know if he’s feeling you, or not; or whether or not he’s available….same scenario when a dude approaches a female.

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
8:33 am

The worst that could happen? The world will tilt off it’s axis and bounce aimlessly around the atmosphere. :)

Still not keen on approaching men. One of my girlfriends told a guy she’d been “hanging” with that she was interested in him. Thought that still didn’t change the perameters of their relationship because he’s still hung up on his ex *side eye* I did appreciate her directness. And he did too.

Anywhoo…I’m thinking of being direct like this to a guy I know. He expressed interest a while back and I didn’t really take it seriously. Now he’s single again and there’s the subtle flirtation but it hasn’t really gone anywhere, so maybe I’ll do something about it. Or not. :lol:

Happy Monday Morning all! Hope everyone got it in this weekend!

Sweet Pea

September 27th, 2010
8:35 am

Good Morning,

I feel that the traditional way of courting is the right way of allowing a guy to approach you. My fear of approaching a guy is rejection. This is not to say that I have low self-esteem or lack of confidence. However, it’s just that I feel that it is proper to allow the guy to make the first move. Of course, with the views of the world some may feel that you can be waiting forever for some ship to finally come. As for the worth thing to happen is for the guy to say he isn’t interested which you will need to be prepared for if you approach him.

I am whatever you say I am

September 27th, 2010
8:37 am

Who left the lights on Friday?

As a reminder, last one to leave the blog is responsible for turning off the coffee machine, washing the coffee pots, turning out the lights, and lastly locking up.
Failure to comply with these rules will result in consequences and reprecussions.

I now return you to your scheduled program……

Simple Man!!!!!

September 27th, 2010
8:38 am

Morning ARed…Hope You had a great weekend…. Hope that guy you are thinking is a me….LOL :D

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
8:41 am

Ha ha…good morning Simple Man.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 27th, 2010
8:53 am

OK Ared…gonna stand down I know I am not the man :( LOL

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
8:55 am

LOL. I don’t date off this website. Nothing personal. Besides, I’m sure you’re only playing around anyway. :)

PrincessNik...CAM'S # 1 FAN

September 27th, 2010
8:59 am

Good Morning All,

Hope everyone had a Great Weekend.

I’m going over here and drink my cappuccino and lurk a while…..

Breakingofdawn

September 27th, 2010
9:09 am

I’m open to stepping up to the plate and making the first move. However only after I’ve been watching from a distance how he is handling/presenting himself. And it depends on what I want at the moment: someone to dance with, a chat while watching the game, a little coffee at the waffle house after the spot closes, or maybe a general date? I don’t approach often can’t say I’ve done it in the last year, but I’m not opposed to it at all. Actually in the past if I’ve made the first move it worked out in my favor. Lately in Atlanta I’ve observed how “thirsty” some ladies come off therefore I think I would prefer the man make the first move.

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
9:13 am

Actually in the past if I’ve made the first move it worked out in my favor. Lately in Atlanta I’ve observed how “thirsty” some ladies come off therefore I think I would prefer the man make the first move

:lol: There it is. Men don’t even have to try anymore.

blue - ™

September 27th, 2010
9:15 am

Morning All,

coffee…please….

on topic: approaching guys, seems like the equal opportunity thing to do, but dont think i, quite ready for that step…i think for myself and for a lot of women its some form of fear, fear of rejection, fear that you approaching them (what with being outside the box and all) will come off desperate, fear of missing the hint when he tries to let you down easy….
Guys when you are approached by a woman, do you know right away? ime, NOO..not unless she hands over her panties, and even then sometimes no…lol…leads to a bad spiral…shes trying not to be overbearing or desperate, he doesnt get the softpedal shes doing so she gets more aggresive, then she’s pegged as an overconfident biotch…lmao

2CPTG©

September 27th, 2010
9:15 am

right about now, “thirsty” ain’t such a bad thing…….

Breakingofdawn

September 27th, 2010
9:21 am

ARed, I think men stopped trying a long time ago and I don’t think it started with women making the first move. But when women lowered their expectations and quality of standards. We can shift the blame, but the circle comes around when we all(women and men) get back to being true to ourself and wanting more out of relationships and life.
I don’t believe a closed mouth gets feed. If I see someone worth chatting up or to danceing with then off I go. I’m not going to be in the corner dancing with my girls or standing off in the cut with my arms folded and lip poked out.

LeeH1

September 27th, 2010
9:25 am

Sorry, Ladies! Someone shredded the “Book of Etiquette Between Men and women” back in the mid-1960s. You are as free as men are to be turned dwn, embarrassed, dismissed, and have your pick-up lines repeated and laughed at.

You attempts to open conversations with strange men can be seen as an invitation, just as men are when they try to strike up a conversation with women. You are free to approach one man in a group of men, just as men are free to approach one woman in a group of women. And have the same results.

You are now in a problem. You can wait to be approached, which may mean you go home alone. Or you can appproach a stanger, and be rebuffed. You won’t die- men and boys have been going through this relationship ritual for generations, and we haven’t faded away yet. Now it is your opportunity to put the mantle of responsibility and equality on yourself. See what it is like to be equal.

Your protections in the past have protected you more than you realize.

Go get ‘em, Cougar!

IndigoLuv

September 27th, 2010
9:28 am

I’m new to this, but wanted to add my opinion. My girlfriend and I were just speaking on this subject on Friday. I think it’s ok for women to approach men. Yes, you have to deal with the possible rejection, but so do men. It’s not like you will probably see the person who rejected you ever again. There are some men out here that are just as shy as women are, so they will not approach you. OR whom have been in relationships for so long and are now back on the scene, but do not know how to approach women. If you find someone attractive and/or interesting, I say approach them regardless male or female.

Have a wonderful Monday everyone! ;)

Simple Man!!!!!

September 27th, 2010
9:32 am

“Men don’t even have to try anymore.”
I doubt that we will here a statement that is less true the rest of the day….Everytime I guy approaches a women he is risking getting blown up and as we all know woman are as subjective as all out of doors!!! We have grown up knowing that at best, its gonna be 50/50> Just because we have accepted the odds and learned to work with the system does not mean we don’t have to try….ladies on teh other hand can simply show up…..

NickInAtl

September 27th, 2010
9:37 am

Well, I am up for it– to an extent. Men always balk at “Why are you single”. So irritating!! Why- cuz men don’t approach me! They smile, stare, etc.. And I know it’s becuz I’m out looking mean, busy, uninterested, even self-involved (OMG!) So, I think I will be more outgoing–just a little more. For example, I will not out and out approach out the clear blue sky, BUT if a man has ALREADY given me eye contact, a longer than usual look, and maybe even a smile, then I think I will try to muster up the courage to at LEAST smile back, and maybe even say “Hi, how are you”. I think that will be enough for him to respond, if he is indeed interested. I’ve done that maybe twice before, and it has worked wonders!!

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
9:43 am

Kym

September 27th, 2010
9:46 am

Good Morning All,

I think it is okay for women to approach men..just I am not one to do that. Sorry but I am just not gonna do it. I am willing to try a few things..but this is not one of them. Like ARed pointed out men don’t have to try..there are plenty of ladies chasing them down.

Off-Topic..3-0 without Big Ben..Steelers prove it’s teamwork that makes all the difference!

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
9:47 am

I have approached guys in the past. When I was a lot younger, I didn’t see it as any big deal.

As I got older, I would still initiate a conversation with a guy, but wouldn’t ask for his number or offer mine. My preference became for him to *take the lead* on that.

However, there are exceptions to every rule. While TheDude did initiate our first ever conversation, I am the one that made the first *move* when I gave him my card. (Well, I had to…the date that I was waiting on was going to be there at any moment. LOL!)

abc

September 27th, 2010
9:49 am

I don’t like to be approached by women. I might make friends with a woman in that way, but she’ll never be a potential relationship. Perhaps my upbringing plays a part in that; I find it too forward. My first reaction is, she brings it on with me, she’d bring it on with anyone else who interested her, too. Right or wrong, that’s my reaction. I don’t like it.

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
9:50 am

As to the New Orleans of it all…N.O. is a party city and it was a festive party weekend. I’m sure there were those who were just out having fun and letting it all hang out.

Approaching ANYone is a whole lot easier when you are just having fun with it because you are taking it less seriously….or…when it’s fueled by *liquid courage*. LOL!

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 27th, 2010
9:50 am

Morning All!

Approaching men….havent done it often but I have done it. No lasting results though…I say its up to the individual.

So how was everyone’s weekend?

Patrick

September 27th, 2010
9:54 am

I think the rules of dating have and should change. If you like someone, let them know!

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
9:55 am

Simple Man – As long as there are thirsty desperate broads in this world, men don’t have to try. That is those who don’t mind going for the low hanging fruit. There are several men on here that go for that.

Wiser

September 27th, 2010
9:55 am

A co-worker and me flirted all the time. He worked in the field and when he visited the main office, we enjoyed the flirting. He seemed to be a bit shy, so I told my best friend that I would suggest to him that we hang out sometime. She cautioned me against it, saying it was man’s role to ask a woman out…yada,yada,yada. I eventually did say to him that we should go out some time and he agreed. He did seem surprised that I asked. We eventually went to dinner, and really enjoyed our meal, wine, and the conversation of getting to know one another. We both had real funny anecdotes about growing up, and even the waiter was laughing as we interacted with him. We never went out again. The next phone conversation I had with him, he was calling me asking when we could “get busy”. I was so surprised. I tried to steer the conversation towards getting together to maybe go to a play, or movie or something, but he was not hearing it. My best friend said I should never have made the first move, that it’s just not the way to do things, and his ego was probably inflated exponentially. Obviously, I did not go out with him again and it was awkward at work. I don’t think I will ever again approach another man.

Melo!

September 27th, 2010
9:55 am

Happy Monday folks!

The rules have not changed. But if you are contemplating it, that means you are in desperate/ thirsty territory.
Any sane man will treat you as such, me’ included.

You approach me’,I may like you but I will play you like you are a thirsty heiffer and perch you accordingly!

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
9:56 am

I don’t like to be approached by women. I might make friends with a woman in that way, but she’ll never be a potential relationship. Perhaps my upbringing plays a part in that; I find it too forward. My first reaction is, she brings it on with me, she’d bring it on with anyone else who interested her, too. Right or wrong, that’s my reaction. I don’t like it.

I love this attitude. :D

Delvin

September 27th, 2010
9:58 am

I don’t have to go to The Big Easy to be approached by females. There are many places here in The Big “A” that many women approach me. “Course, they all ask for $20.00 too.

I am whatever you say I am

September 27th, 2010
9:58 am

I’m old school- I like to be approached!
I will give a guy a compliment, flirt with him etc….but I’m not about to ask him out.
Been there done that- results don’t fan well.

kimmie

September 27th, 2010
9:59 am

Morning Gang! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN BOUT, FALCONS!!! CONGRATS!!!

This is one of those times I am happy for the rain. I’m so tired of this heat and dryness. I’m ready for fall!

Wise, it seems we let our guard down and are less inhibited when we are in a different place and environment. Nothing wrong with that.

I approached a guy once in a club in my younger days and he turned me down flat. I ran into him a few times after that and those times he tried to approach me. I turned him down flat in return.

I don’t approach men but I do make myself open to being approached if indeed I am open to being approached. Otherwise, I just don’t. But I really haven’t had to. Anytime a dude was interested they approached me. I’ve also had those that seemed to want to approach me but for whatever reason did not. Oh well, can’t miss what you never had. Not really a big deal for me. Even if I wasn’t in a relationship, I don’t think my life would come to an end or I’d have trouble meeting men if I did not do the approaching. For me, the more important thing is making the right choice whomever does the approaching.

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
10:00 am

Good morning everyone!

Although it’s very flattering for a man to approach a woman, I see nothing wrong with the woman flattering the man and approach first. No need to be aggressive, but a simple hello, may I buy your next drink/soda to break the ice seems fine to me. If he’s not feeling me, he will decline my offer. My feelings wouldn’t be hurt because everyone is not going to find me their type upon that first encounter. I won’t slink back to my seat nor hold my head down with embarrassment. You simply K.I.M….

@ARed ~ you left the blog hanging with no end of the day quote and that’s why the lights were left on for so long.

AmazonRed™

September 27th, 2010
10:03 am

Sorry Leggs, ended up getting my weekend started early.

doug

September 27th, 2010
10:04 am

Life is too short and death is too certain to go through life hoping and a wishing. Be you man or woman, if you see what you like go for it! Be polite and tactful but by all means speak up. Don’t want to go biblical but we have not because we ask not!

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
10:06 am

Let me back up…he may not decline my offer, even if he isn’t feeling me (LOL).

DJ Sniper

September 27th, 2010
10:06 am

I will never understand why women are so afraid of possibly being rejected by a man. The world is not going to stop spinning just because a man turns you down. lol If you’ve dealt with being rejected in any other phase of life (not getting the job you wanted, not getting the A on the test in class, etc), then a man telling you that he’s not interested will not kill you.

Also, despite what some of you may think, a man is not going to think that you’re some easy piece of a** just because you approached him. A man who has that mentality is going to think that regardless of who made the first move.

Leggs

September 27th, 2010
10:06 am

No sweat, ARed ~ I left early and got my weekend started early as well.

PrincessNik...CAM'S # 1 FAN

September 27th, 2010
10:08 am

Let me back up…he may not decline my offer, even if he isn’t feeling me

Leggs,

in this economy plenty of folks won’t be turning down drinks even it they are not feeling you :lol:

blue - ™

September 27th, 2010
10:11 am

@Wiser – The next phone conversation I had with him, he was calling me asking when we could “get busy”. ive seen this happen a few times…seems many men seem to equate that initiative with being easy…i guess something along the lines of what abc said, it being too forward…for most women (i hope, lol) them approaching you and taking that first step isnt simply them advertising that their available for conjugal visits at your earliest convenience, but when a woman steps out of her comfort zone, takes the first step, and is treated that way, it does not inspire her to try it again….

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
10:12 am

DJS – “a man is not going to think that you’re some easy piece of a** just because you approached him. A man who has that mentality is going to think that regardless of who made the first move.”

^THAT was worth reposting.

Lil' Big Bum

September 27th, 2010
10:15 am

No more. I approached a guy in a bar last month. He was nice and we seemed to hit it off. I thought things were going pretty well til another guy walked up- handed him a drink and proceded to kiss him right in the mouth (Deep and repeatedly). I almost puked. To add insult to injury, after the lenghy show of affection, the guy cursed at me for talking to his date. I would not totally rule it out but some research may be warranted before the approach occurs.

Simple Man!!!!!

September 27th, 2010
10:16 am

“My first reaction is, she brings it on with me, she’d bring it on with anyone else who interested her, too. Right or wrong, that’s my reaction.”

WOW……. So speaking first makes her a hoe??????

K-Diddy

September 27th, 2010
10:17 am

I’ve found that when I approach men, no matter how coy, demure, or conversational my approach, they always treat me like I’m just trying to hook up with them and not date them. I don’t think I’m coming across like I’m super-easy, but their conversations always steer towards the “so when can I come over” realm. After having had this occur on more than one occasion, I decided to just allow guys to approach me instead. I think it takes a mature man to accept a woman approaching them, and as a woman, you never know whether that particular guy is among the mature.

abc

September 27th, 2010
10:18 am

Right or wrong, that’s my reaction. I don’t like a forward woman.

blue - ™

September 27th, 2010
10:19 am

random: whos been stealing my lotion off my desk? bottles near empty….not happy…

even more reandom: went to Benihanas last night for my gf bday…place was full of trannies with baadd wigs 8O

SexyCool

September 27th, 2010
10:19 am

Oh…and let me go ahead and get my EL jokes out of the way early.

1. What was up with the curly kit?

2. How he gone just start talking about throwing rocks at folks?

3. Why did BKS have me hollering talking about he just dropped the mike and exited the stage like Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate?

4. I don’t think I would have been satisfied with anything less than a Samuel Jackson style, “Yeah. I did it. And I hope they burn in HELL.”

(I could go on. I’ll stop here.)

Kym

September 27th, 2010
10:20 am

@kimmie..With all this Bishop Spanx’s talk..politics has gotten put on the back burner.. will give me a updated on what I missed last week? I am trying to catch up on Politico..Thank ya!

SlimNumeroUno

September 27th, 2010
10:22 am

Good morning blogville and welcome blog visitors…

We discussed this not too long ago and I think the men stated that when a woman approaches them first that they automatically assume she wants to do the nasty with them. I would guess that it depended on what type of approach she took but I can’t say that I’ve ever really made the first move on a dude. If I did it came off as hey let’s just hang out for a drink or something, but still not under the pretense to hook up.

A little sad that my sister and niece left me yesterday after visiting all last week…got my belly dance on Saturday for a friends birthday and had a blast.