When dates disappear
I have this theory that explains why many of us either experience “the disappearing act” or are the ones pulling that trick. There is something that is best left unsaid or unrevealed. The disappearance is a gift from the dating gods that we should be thankful for.
A lot of times you have dodged a bullet or avoided some catastrophe. Is it classy to just “get ghost” on people? Absolutely not. It is, however, necessary and sometimes unavoidable. A lot of people (ok, mostly women) say they want closure. I think they say this until they get the so called closure.
Take it from me, ladies. You do not want closure. Ignorance is bliss.
When dates disappear on you, how do you handle it?
Have you ever “faded out” of someone’s life and never told them why you checked out?
Here is your chance to get it out if you feel like confessing your romantic crime of disappearing or fading out.
I’ll go first. Dear Xavier: I am sorry I never called you back. After our first date, you creeped me out talking about your earlobe fetish. I am sure you were a very nice guy. I hope you find the love and the earlobes you deserve. I feel better already!
Now see? I couldn’t say to his face that he was giving me the creepies. In this situation, I think a disappearing act was the unclassy, cowardly way out, but at least his feelings were spared, right?
When dates disappear, is it really a bad thing?
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478 comments Add your comment
czBrat
September 23rd, 2010
10:58 am
once upon a time my voicemail greeting went something like this hey. it’s me. i’m probably available but i’m screening my calls cuz there are some people i just don’t wanna talk to, so leave me a message. if i don’t return your call, you must be one of them. bye!” it was good for a laugh for most people. the few who got no callbacks finally let it go.
WM, for the most part i’m not thinking ‘all or nothing’ on a first date. i’m just trying to relax, have a good time and enjoy your company.
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 23rd, 2010
10:59 am
Ok ladies, I have a question…..what makes you on a first date decide between not speaking to the gentleman again and going for it ALL on the first date?
@WM see my list…true list.
@blue certain things just get on my nerves and I don’t want that in a relationship.
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:00 am
@BOD ~ that was tacky to not tell you although she valued your friendship over the years, she would be parting ways because of her insecure husband!
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:01 am
CzBrat…you said “most of the time”. So you have done it on the first date….what made that experience different?
I am whatever you say I am
September 23rd, 2010
11:03 am
Good morning
almost afternoonblog people.Simple Man: Since everyone was greedy with the breakfast you made and didn’t save me a plate, can I get dibs on brunch
lernch?blue - ™
September 23rd, 2010
11:07 am
@DD – i get ya…i dated a guy once who managed to hide for the first few dates that he was a Grease nut…first time to his house he’s got the dvd, posters, does the dance, and starts saying when he gets married he wants to walk down the aisl to “Hand Jive”…told him good luck with that and never went back….now on my list of no-nos: any reference to Grease…
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 23rd, 2010
11:07 am
@Breaking of dawn…I am bad with
namesmonikers. Are you the one that had some male friends that declined your friendship after they married?Shame on your female friend, but I can see that happening women always pick the wang over woman.
Breakingofdawn
September 23rd, 2010
11:07 am
Leggs yes it was. Have you meet the chick that finally hitting the other side of her 30’s and the only thing she wants is marriage. Well she wanted it more than air I think. She found a young buck to put on lock but still wanted her single life. So everything she was doing in the dark and getting called on she would blame me. I found out on vacation in Mexico when I ran into her older sister.
Ok I lied its been done to me again with two guys in the last few months…meet them in the club the two times I’ve been this year. Seemed like cool dudes, hit up IHOP/Waffle House afterwards, exchanged hugs and numbers…one or two chats later..GHOST…They were either both married or moved on since I wasn’t giving up the goods without “dating”.
Simple Man!!!!
September 23rd, 2010
11:08 am
I am @ 11:03
“can I get dibs on brunch”
Your wish is my command!!!
(Damn, its cold in here!) LOL
Simple Man!!!!
September 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
blue – ™ @ 11:07
What about Grease Two???? That Olivia Newton-John was / Hot!!!!
Melo!
September 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
@Breakofdawn??
Did your friend ever use your apartment to cheat or meet up with her side kicks?
In any case I think the husband’s intuition was right on point!
I would do the same, given that you have the inside dirty on that friend. You potentially have the cards to rock that new marriage.
Sorry for your deserved loss of prior cheating g friend!
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
This is why it is SO much easier just to hook up with someone that is married.
Luvbug
September 23rd, 2010
11:11 am
blue – Grease nut? LOLOLOL
M. (pronouced M dot)
September 23rd, 2010
11:12 am
@Dirty Diana
LOL Right back at you. I didnt really go ghost. Fortunately she beat me to it..If I had to go ghost, these would be the reasons…
1. You wore some perfume that was unbearable…I mean it really didnt smell good.
2. You said you are still living with your ex but you two are not together.
3. You were too negative and bashing everything and everybody.
4. You were texting on the date.
5. You had as much conversation as a door knob.
6. Your weave was crooked.
7. Your toes were not on point and you could have worn close toe shoes.
8. You were really rude to the waitress and you werent paying for anything and then got mad because I left a tip.
9. You said I was bouji because the place was diverse and you didnt see any of your hood friends there and you didnt know what À la carte meant.
10. You really arent my type and I just didnt like you and I think you might have been and undercover corporate hoodrat!
DC Rose
September 23rd, 2010
11:12 am
@DD – May I add to your list? Guys that talk about their wangs on the first date.
AmazonRed™
September 23rd, 2010
11:13 am
@ Dan – Yeah, I get it. I just don’t like it. It’s hard, especially when you can really see a future he doesn’t.
i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)
September 23rd, 2010
11:13 am
“@Swiss, come tell Lil Mama your dreams.”
Well, I had this one last night involving you, Mrs. Swiss, a stripper pole in our shower & family-sized containers of strawberries & whipped cream….
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:14 am
DC Rose…what if a man shows it to you on the first date???? Impressive??
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:14 am
Don’t even fret about the “ghost” train. When they realize you’re not giving it up day 3, 4, or even 12 POOF…good riddance! You can quickly determine if that’s all they want or if they want to get to know you. Sure, both can be intertwined at times, but it’s not difficult to discern which is which most days.
czBrat
September 23rd, 2010
11:14 am
um. no. i said “for the most part”. meaning my goal on a first date is not to determine ‘all or nothing’ but to enjoy. if you’re specifically referring to sex when you say “done it”, i don’t give in to intimacy that easily.
blue, i hope to God that happened when you were 10 and he was 11!
Purple Rain
September 23rd, 2010
11:14 am
” I know you’re mad but so what, I wish you the best of luck…but now I have to throw the dueces up….dueces” lol for this topic Chris Brown says it best…lol
Who was the woman in here giving gratitude for that Lyfe Jennings percentage song? I bet he will be doing 75% of his 3 years plus. lol
Breakingofdawn
September 23rd, 2010
11:16 am
Melo no never that. More so if she gave a guy her number and he would call. If she was caught talking to the new guy she would say he was calling for me. Or she would meet a guy after work do whatever and lie to her man saying she was at drinks with me.
Blkgrlsdontdate
September 23rd, 2010
11:16 am
@2CPTG I was not hurt but I did not even realize what I’d said until the date was over and then there was no call back. I was digging the guy, but that was years ago. Sometimes I have blonde moments and that was one of them.
Purple Rain
September 23rd, 2010
11:17 am
When I have gone “ghost” in the past, I really could care less about what she thought after I was gone. Yes Yes you may have a moral victory because you figured out I just wanted sex and did not get it from you, but honestly I did not care, I more than likely had already started on the next woman once I figured you were holding out. Being nomadic makes you callous. LOL
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:18 am
It is so funny how everyone on this board seems to take the morally correct route when it comes to dating. I bet in real life you are a totally different person.
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:18 am
It is so funny how all of the women on this board seem to talk about taking the “morally correct” route. I bet in real life you are a totally different person…..
DC Rose
September 23rd, 2010
11:18 am
White Man – that makes him a flasher and a law breaker…deal breaker. Why show me something I’ve seen before? No matter what men think, most look alike. Brown or pink. Straight or curved. short or long, fat or skinny. turtle neck or crew neck. Now if you have someting different to show me, my curiousity will make me look. But don’t show me on the 1st date unless I ask to see it. OK?
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:19 am
@WMan ~ no MAN would do that! Just a horny, demented wacko!
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:20 am
@WM ~ all the women on this blog have grown up!
Melo!
September 23rd, 2010
11:20 am
Beakofdawn??
Still, you were an accessory!
If you knew of her ways but remained friends in a way you are complicit in that break up!
Purple Rain
September 23rd, 2010
11:21 am
On a first date pulling it out? LOL, so you have had a guy just pull it out…out of the blue. Sorry, I don’t believe that. There had to be some sort of warm up or something.
Luvbug
September 23rd, 2010
11:21 am
turtle neck or crew neck.
DC- Must record for future use. LOL
Breakingofdawn
September 23rd, 2010
11:21 am
Yes DD, I am. Recently I spoke with one, oddly how I thought I would hold back warmth of opening up again to him. It wasn’t the case at all, when it’s true friendship love, you have to let it just be. I miss him dearly, we talked like time never passed. He drops in here once in a while…he might be lurking. LOL….
blue - ™
September 23rd, 2010
11:21 am
@Simple Man – no grease…cant do it…grease 1,2, 27…nope..
@Luvbug – there probably was a better way to put that…LOL
@M. – 6. Your weave was crooked. – ouch….
@cz – i wish, but sadly no….
czBrat
September 23rd, 2010
11:22 am
WM, if you’re certain you want to use the words “all of the women on this board”, i’ll take that bet!
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 23rd, 2010
11:22 am
@M. dot LOL not your weave was crooked…I thought of EL’s toupee after he finished his business in NZ. I don’t like all of that texting either. I have been out with some folks with real money (business) and they don’t do all of that texting. I am talking about the black card crew, and it is amazing how folks with no clout have the most stuff to text and update. I don’t get it, but again that is not my thing either. As for the shoes quick story. I had a male friend tell me this lady wore high heels to a basic date, but anyway her feet started hurting. Well she took her shoes off at dinner and her feet were stinky. He didn’t realize it at the time, and was like dayum the folks that sat her before us smell like feet, or left a shoe one. He looks under the table and see her trying to get her feet back into the pumps
he went ghost.
@DC Rose how could I forget the wang or wang pics for that matter.
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:22 am
Leggs….Ok keep telling yourself that. I have many many situations that would prove you otherwise. This is a blog, people should be more honest.
White man
September 23rd, 2010
11:24 am
czbrat —– your on!
I am whatever you say I am
September 23rd, 2010
11:25 am
LOL @ simple man’s 11:08
too funny!!!!
PrincessNik
September 23rd, 2010
11:26 am
IF you are a woman that has had multiple dates disappear, you should take a long look in the mirror and readjust.
It is so funny how all of the women on this board seem to talk about taking the “morally correct” route. I bet in real life you are a totally different person…..
Say what now? What’s up with that White Man You mad at the ladies now cause we didn’t all co-sign and condone your choice of activities, or because you feel like our answers aint freaky enough ……
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:26 am
@WM ~ you’re right…not all have grown up. Thanks, I stand corrected.
Luvbug
September 23rd, 2010
11:26 am
White Man – You’re saying first date wang exposure is a common occurrence??
SexyCool
September 23rd, 2010
11:27 am
Why didn’t Lyfe.Jennings mention the percentage of men behind bars in *Statistics*?
Oh…wait…..
Never mind….
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:27 am
I guessed correctly the cold cut artist of the day, and gave the prize away…tix to football classic this weekend!
Leggs
September 23rd, 2010
11:28 am
OMG, that was funny, SexyC. What a shame!
czBrat
September 23rd, 2010
11:30 am
on the downside, WM appears to be unfamiliar with self-respecting women. and that is truly unfortunate for him. although it does explain his marriage.
on the upside, SimpleMan you don’t have to prepare brunch cuz i’m treating the entire blog crew with my winnings!! woooohooo!!
Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
September 23rd, 2010
11:30 am
@DC Rose I am happy you are back in touch with your buddy!
Purple Rain
September 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
SexyCool, LOL
Simple Man!!!!
September 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
Swiss… Did the hand go in the pants before or after dinner????
I am whatever you say I am
September 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
M. Dot: at your 11:12 long
novellist.Where on earth do you find
womenlike that?You seem like a classy dude, I’m glad you don’t settle. you deserve better