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Taking responsibility for your misadventures?

Thanks to everyone that weighed in on the discussion yesterday!

Mr. M had some more great questions about dating and relationships:

“I have noticed lately when discussing relationships, that males and females have spent most of the time pointing the finger at their partner for the reason why did not work.

Lets make a change today and point the finger at ourselves and take responsibility.

What were the main reasons that the relationships did not work on YOUR side excluding your
partner?

Ask yourself, “Was I not making enough time? Was I too disrespectful? Was I not accommodating enough? Was I too needy? Was I too impatient?

What are you responsible for?

Let’s examine ourselves and see where we went wrong so we don’t continue to make the same
mistakes in our relationships!

490 comments Add your comment

Run4life

September 21st, 2010
8:18 am

First.

Wow! I have often thought of the reasons on my part why my relationships fail, especially the one or two that I really wanted to work. The underlying factor for me is tha I am a Leo, and I expect (maybe demand) to be put on a pedestal. Once you do that, I will love you all over. LOL

Kym

September 21st, 2010
8:19 am

Good Morning All,

If I am going to turn the mirror on myself..then I would have to say I have a(scratch that) I am demanding..not so much time or attention..I am spoiled to a point..but I have high expectations and I don’t give myself much room for errors..so I have a tendancy to not give dudes any room for error..I am a perfectionist. I know it is bad to put unreasonable expectations on myself..so it is unfair to place them on someone else..but I can and do. I can say that the men in my life who manage to hold my heart..learned how to neutralize that behavior and create pretty solid relationships even after the break-up.

blue - ™

September 21st, 2010
8:21 am

GM Ladies,
GM all….
setting up coffee….hazelnut today….yumm….what are we talking about?

2CPTG©

September 21st, 2010
8:23 am

morning….

my fault? surely you jest! Nah, for real, like Kym, I’m very demanding – almost to the point that I’m anal about certain things…other than that, I’m ghud!

Dan - simply...

September 21st, 2010
8:30 am

Morning,

I learned long ago that I couldn’t hold other people to the standards that I hold myself to, so I’ve learned to accept people as they are.

My faults in relationships have been “greener pastures” and “thinking I’m slick”. To be completely honest, boredom set in. It was the doldrums of once I know [her], I’m kinda done.

I take full responsibility for not attempting to discover more about [her], no telling what I would’ve found.

Melo

September 21st, 2010
8:41 am

So who cheated??

Come on now, bring the dirt!
Political correct answers alone won’t cut it this morning!

Bring it!

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

September 21st, 2010
8:54 am

morning gang!

Dig That

September 21st, 2010
9:07 am

Wassup erybody!!

Jaie

September 21st, 2010
9:13 am

Good Morning All!

What are you responsible for?
Being raised by my Father and the baby girl of 3 older brothers… SPOILED! I didnt realize how being spoiled by my father and brothers would eventually affect my relationships. Being so used to receiving and getting things done when I wanted/needed and not having to ask twice. I wanted things my way..

PrincessNik

September 21st, 2010
9:16 am

Good Morning:

The underlying factor for me is tha I am a Leo, and I expect (maybe demand) to be put on a pedestal

yep

I am spoiled to a point..but I have high expectations and I don’t give myself much room for errors..so I have a tendancy to not give dudes any room for error

yep

“thinking I’m slick”

yep

Simple Man!!!!

September 21st, 2010
9:24 am

Morning Fam!!! Hope everyone is good this morning! On topic….My biggest fault in relationships is that I have What my Buddies call “Dating A.D.D.” This oftens leads me to have various pepole in my life and women, regardless of what say, are not cool with that!

DC Rose

September 21st, 2010
9:26 am

GM All!

My fault in the relationship… Not continuing to love them after being disappointed too many times. My face no longer lighting up when they walk into the room. Not doing all the special things you do for someone when you’re in love with them. Planning my exit while still in the relationship.

My fault in the relationship… reacting to bad behavior.

Breakingofdawn

September 21st, 2010
9:35 am

The inability to let a person in 100%. I don’t know how to let my guard down all the way and trust. When talking to ex’s they’ve said I don’t allow myself to lean on other people they felt as if they only got to know the surface of who I am. I don’t let people get deep.

blue - ™

September 21st, 2010
9:36 am

my issue seems to be centered around forgive and forget….i forgive…and am usually ready and able to move past….you can do me wrong once and i am able to move on…but i dont forget…and let htat same wrong thing happen again….i will bring the first/last incident back up…so i guess more specifically my issue is forgetting….

Dan - simply...

September 21st, 2010
9:38 am

@breaking

What are you afraid of?

@Run

You have no control over when you were born. The question is what did you do in past relationships that may have affected their failure.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 21st, 2010
9:42 am

Morning All!

My fault in relationship – Im an introvert and that can wreak havoc on a relationship. Im great at holding onto my feelings. Which also makes my nonchalant-ness an issue as well. (Who knew being laid back could be a bad thing?)

Breakingofdawn

September 21st, 2010
9:42 am

Dan I have no idea. I just don’t trust people…wait I trust 2 people, outside of that I’m cool.

Purple Rain

September 21st, 2010
9:42 am

I think Zodiac signs are not true and are very vague. The time of year you were born has nothing to do with who you become as a person or that you are freak or an introvert or dominating. It’s an excuse moreso than anything else.

My problem in past relationships is that I tended to bore after awhile, and then started searching for something new. I also held them to standards I did not hold myself to.

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 21st, 2010
9:43 am

BreakingofDawn – co-signing 100%…

Dig That

September 21st, 2010
9:43 am

I have never really had dating/relationships until now because I enjoyed the comforts and company and passion of multiple women continously. Appetite too big. Ego too.

kimmie

September 21st, 2010
9:44 am

Good morning lovely people!

My biggest fault in past relationships is not speaking up and allowing things to fester. Expecting someone to read my mind. Not being honest about what I wanted – to eager to please, not wanting to nag and afraid dude is going to run away. Which is what usually happened anyway. Staying way too long and not recognizing early when something isn’t working.

And the biggest: CHOOSING BETTER MEN TO BEGIN WITH!

I am much more selective now & I speak up.

I stopped doing things the same way and expecting a different result!

Life is so much better now! :)

Baily

September 21st, 2010
9:46 am

I get cold feet before the relationship even really gets going. I’m afraid if I don’t slow it down, I’ll end up some messy situation. I’m overly cautious.

PrincessNik

September 21st, 2010
9:49 am

not speaking up and allowing things to fester………Staying way too long and not recognizing early when something isn’t working

Kimmie, I am guilty of this also, I have really been working on it though.

Melo

September 21st, 2010
9:49 am

@Dig??

Ian with you on that appetite tip.

I need a real crazy freak in bed to calm me’ down!

:lol:

Good morning people!

Dan - simply...

September 21st, 2010
9:51 am

I’ll say this:

Being afraid to love is being afraid to live. You can’t have a full life without success and failure, love and pain, trust and heartbreak.

For those that are cautious or afraid, it’s my hope that you one day take the chance on experiencing all that this life has to offer.

blue - ™

September 21st, 2010
9:52 am

@Breaking – we see eye to eye on this one….im not a particularly trusting soul either and there are very few people who have broken thru my outer shell to the core…

Trevor0529

September 21st, 2010
9:54 am

For those that are cautious or afraid, it’s my hope that you one day take the chance on experiencing all that this life has to offer.

@Dan, I agree with your sentiments.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 21st, 2010
9:54 am

Good day.

I am glad that everyone is chiming in and keeping it 100. I think my biggest problem is the same as @Dan. Once I got to really know her I was like ok whats next. I also got a little greener pasture syndrome also.

My solutions to all of this? I always try to stay busy on my side and ration everything out with her. I may sure I give her space so I dont ruin the excitement to fast. People like things that are rare because you dont see them alot. I always try to remember that everyone had a seperate life before you two met so respect each others space!

I think we mess up because when we first meet someone, we just blitz them (calling, texting, planning stuff all the time) and then it just gets old fast!

@Run4life

What does being put on a pedestal mean to you exactly?

@Kym

You said that you are demanding. What do you have to offer a guy in a relationship or something more serious?

@DC Rose

LOL I told my friend that! Women know when they are going to get rid of a dude. Even if its MONTHS away! They make a date up when they see something they dont like and its a wrap!

@Blue

I have that problem sometimes. If they mess up, you want to forget but if they are habitual, then they gotta go!

@Purple Rain

Glad you are transparent. Thats why to prevent bore, I just mix it up.

Luvbug

September 21st, 2010
9:54 am

Like Mo, I’m too nonchalant. I’m also a bit of a free bird. It took me a long time to understand that, although I’m 1000% trustworthy and when I say I’m in I’m in, guys may have easily assumed I was anything but. Perception really.

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green Part III, IV, V and VI

September 21st, 2010
9:57 am

Hola

Dig That Wasssup

@So who cheated??

@Melo, I agree :arrow: Come on now, bring the dirt! Perhaps we already have the dirt :grin:

@blue great job on the coffee…I am leaving a few dollars to help with the cost. :wink:

@lady, I see you two-stepped in here. Now give us some of your counseling skills on this topic.

Melo

September 21st, 2010
10:00 am

@Princess??

How can I cosign ‘not giving dudes any room for error’ and then cosign ‘ staying way too long and not recognizing early’ at the same time??

Seems contradictory to me’.

Ha?

Dig That

September 21st, 2010
10:00 am

What da biz iz @Dirty D

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

September 21st, 2010
10:00 am

DD I was thingking this is a “Self Refelcting” topic and many people don’t like to dig deep or deal with their shortcomings (not even me from time to time) so i digressed humbly…..lol

Dig That

September 21st, 2010
10:01 am

I had it so bad I couldn’t even allow myself to even be involved in a relationships and I have given away alot of great ladies in my time because my other fault which was always silly to me was HONESTY.

Lady J-How can something so familiar be so strange...hmmmmm

September 21st, 2010
10:02 am

dig that long time! hope all is well! ;)

Melo

September 21st, 2010
10:03 am

How can you,not I

Mr. Moe

September 21st, 2010
10:04 am

I’d have to cosign Breakingof’s 9:35…..it is difficult for me to fully let a woman in all the way. Too many trust issues that have made it hard for someone to fully get to know me.

Purple Rain

September 21st, 2010
10:04 am

Is one ever “all in” mind boyd and soul? What about those little secrets/discretions that you keep to yourself? Do they ever go away or is a relationship a fine balance of not acting on those thoughts or just keeping said actions to yourself tucked far away?

i'm swiss™

September 21st, 2010
10:05 am

What a coincidence… Hey Slim, if you’re here, look who was at Center Stage last night… Dang… I need to trim… :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green Part III, IV, V and VI

September 21st, 2010
10:06 am

My faults…my list:

1. Leaving too fast…one bad move and I am out during that probationary phase. Not to mention there was a point in my life that I did not ask for clarity :arrow: I hit the road.

2. My intelligence, yes I said it :arrow: too smart for some of the guy I chose to date.

3. I did not ask the right questions, or questioned the right things…I sort of felt like things would get better. Things got worst…

4. Not valuing one or two truly good people. I go back to that college sweetheart of mine, I messed that up he was truly a good guy. Most of all, I hope I didn’t harden him in anyway and was able to continue to be the same good person he was.

5. Silly/Playful…at times I play too much even now and when a dude is communicating and telling me his feelings…I usually play a little if the conversation is going too fast or catch me off guard.

PrincessNik

September 21st, 2010
10:06 am

Hey Melo,

In some ways it could be contradictory, but given that you live and you learn, you try different things. There have been seperate instances where I have done those things, stayed too long, or not long enough.

Still confused?

Luvbug

September 21st, 2010
10:07 am

Purple – When I say I’m all in, I am. You can have what you want Babe.

…but not if I feel you’re not all in…then you can have these oatmeal cookies.

Purple Rain

September 21st, 2010
10:08 am

Luvbug, when you are all in mentally do you still hold some reserve from letting your interest know? Or does he know?

Dig That

September 21st, 2010
10:09 am

Big hug Lady J- All is well babe, just been doing some travelling.

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green Part III, IV, V and VI

September 21st, 2010
10:09 am

I am not a cheater, but I am single in accordance to the Internal Revenue Service’s guidelines. This ideology has caused a few problems when discovered. :grin:

~~This should have been #1 on my list.~~~~

@Dig all is good on my end. I figured you was doing some one-on-one training with that new lady. :grin:

@Lady gotcha

blue - ™

September 21st, 2010
10:11 am

@M. – agreed, habituals got to go
@DD – cool beans ;) .I did not ask the right questions, or questioned the right things…I sort of felt like things would get better. Things got worst… cosigning on this one, sometimes keeping the peace takes its toll….
@Princess – my memory is off this morning, but i think you were the one with teh OCD sister? lol, thinking about it as i sit here sorting my paperclips, cant have the big ones stuck to the little ones….

PrincessNik

September 21st, 2010
10:12 am

Blue~ LMBO, yes that was me

Purple Rain

September 21st, 2010
10:13 am

The blame game is serious, the more hurtful the situation is the more blame that is placed on the other person. IMO. When I see someone who is very jilted and spiteful towards an ex. I know that they themselves had a major part in why they are no longer with the ex. That’s a shallow hurt. When I hear a person reflectiong on what they could have done better with an ex, I consider that a deep hurt and lesson learned.

Luvbug

September 21st, 2010
10:13 am

Purple – He knows after I feels he’s all in. I can’t say I’ve been there first yet (I usually have to be dragged into submission). I can only say that I’ve been there longer than a partner.

Simple Man!!!!

September 21st, 2010
10:15 am

Dirty D!! How you feeling this morning??