accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Do you come with references?

Happy Monday everyone!

I’m hanging out in south Florida this week so our good friend and commenter Mr. M. is stepping in to kick things up… from a man’s perspective:

At one time in all of our careers, someone (employer or potential client) has requested a reference.  They want to know not only to get an idea of all the good reasons for explaining their experiences with you, but also for any bad experiences of working with you.

What if we used this practice in dating? What affect could this have on the dating
landscape?

What if you met someone and they asked to speak to people from your most recent
relationships? Would you provide their number? If not, what makes you fearful to provide information?

Wow, Mr. M. is suggesting that we actual provide dating references?  I don’t know about this one, I shutter at the thought of the things my ex before last would say about how things went.  If you end things on a good note, are you certain the person would give you a good reference to your new potential romance? Would you trust them to tell the truth, as they saw it?

I can’t wait to see what you guys think about this one. Discuss! Oh and I will be checking in during the day, hopefully from a beach chair with a fruity drink in hand!

346 comments Add your comment

SlimNumeroUno

September 20th, 2010
10:42 am

I am (Scratching my head on that one…who could you not have any business looking at?..exes, current gf’s of exes?, married mens?-lol)

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
10:45 am

Swiss looking good in those man thongs

:-P

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
10:46 am

Slim: I was looking at an ex….

Timeless

September 20th, 2010
10:49 am

If you want references, you should be willing to provide some for yourself as well.

i'm swiss™

September 20th, 2010
10:51 am

Thanks, i am… — and just so you know, there is absolutely no padding in those man-thongs… that’s all Matterhorn… :lol:

Blondie

September 20th, 2010
10:59 am

Dating references? I don’t know about that. It only works if you ended things well with your past lovers. If you’re a lady in your 20’s, like I am, I’ve gone through so many breakups with immature guys – I wouldn’t want to admit I dated them, let alone put a potential new beau in contact with them. I’d do better putting them in contact with my male friends who, both straight and gay, adore me.

However, a resume of education, work, financial situation, and social activities – along with recent health (STD) tests – that would be a nice exchange. Put your prospects on the table, so to speak.

blue - ™

September 20th, 2010
11:00 am

@I am – dont worry, if we’re not ‘upposed to do that, then im guilty too at times :oops:

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 20th, 2010
11:01 am

I wouldn’t want to admit I dated them,

I have one or two that I would deny as well…LOL

SlimNumeroUno

September 20th, 2010
11:08 am

As folks have previously stated, you change, evolve make adjustments over time throughout your life. So I would hope that any potential mate wouldn’t assume that what I did or how I was back as a freshman in college is anything like how I am now. There are just too many years in between to think i’m exactly the SAME way doing the exact SAME thing as I did way back when. You would like to think that you’re making better choices as you get older, or at least not making the same mistakes.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 20th, 2010
11:09 am

@Blondie

“a resume of education, work, financial situation, and social activities – along with recent health (STD) tests”

Thats a good thought. I do understand that some things arent their business since you two are just dating.

What does everyone think about exchanging that information?

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
11:11 am

VIVA EL MATTERHORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
11:11 am

aaawww…thanks Blue

I think my ex may know though.
All his pages are now hidden

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
11:15 am

I think my ex may know though.
All his pages are now hidden

:lol:

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
11:16 am

“I do understand that some things arent their business since you two are just dating.”

this statement contradicts your entry for the day….thus, why the need for references in the first place!!!!

DC Rose

September 20th, 2010
11:17 am

M. 11:09 – I think once you’ve decided to merge households, certain information is critical. Yep, I’d want to see a credit report and would gladly show mine as well. Employment history and STD’s would have been on the table a long time before households merged… if we’re getting serious.

sun1

September 20th, 2010
11:22 am

Question,..kind of on topic, i was in a wedding recently where I saw a guy that I was attracted too, he’s actually the brides new hubby brother. I didnt stay long after the weeding was over so didnt get a feel if he may be feeling me or not. So how should I go about showing a interest. The bride(his new sis in law) says he’s not married, didnt ask anything else, whats the best approach to let him know Im interested without coming on too strong? Thanks

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
11:24 am

@sun1 – See if he’s on FB and send him a friend request. :lol:

I laugh, cuz it’s a little ludicrous, but it’s worked in my favor a couple of times. Not every social setting allows you to exchange info, but it doesn’t mean that there was no interest there.

Or you can just ask the bride to pass the message and see what comes back.

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
11:25 am

“whats the best approach to let him know Im interested without coming on too strong?”

go to another wedding, pray that he attends…..and this time STAY until you find out what you wanna know!

Melo

September 20th, 2010
11:31 am

@Slim11.08?

I know right! Your camel too has done changed from the college days, dater, fuller and more pleasurable! Lol

@sun 1??

Just let the sister in law send word that u feeling him and see if he bites!

If he does, u better behave yourself and carry yourself with dignity.
If u happen to go on a date, keep your lil fingers and hands to yourself coz you don’t want to set yourself up as a thirsty h03!
good luck!

Lady-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

September 20th, 2010
11:32 am

Hello Good People!!!!

Interesting topic M.

Even when you are not looking for reference these social netwroks through the technology will let you in on some stuff……and being friend of someone can be great networking opportunities and great ways to verify some stuff…..it is just interesting how its not hard to find out who you truly are in this day and time…………

blue - ™

September 20th, 2010
11:33 am

@I am – awww – alright now cant go so far with it that he thinks you’re stalking him….

@Leggs/CZ – so my dad drove up to Queens to check on my Grandmother since she wasnt answering the phone (turned out just to be service down) says her whole neighborhood is trashed, uprooted trees, roofless houses, crushed cars…says like her hoouse and the 3 next to her seem to be the only half block not touched, everything else is a mess…crazy weather

SlimNumeroUno

September 20th, 2010
11:36 am

Melo – is all you see related to sex? For your informacion, I have a long term bf in school….3 yrs, so don’t get any crazy ideas.

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
11:42 am

Slim, wouldn’t that be interesting if Diva let Melo introduce a topic…..

Diva, are you listening to your constituents?

Luvbug

September 20th, 2010
11:45 am

Lady J – I haven’t started searching folks yet, but I agree that technology makes it easier.

On that note…

I’m told that you can go to the courthouse and find out if a guy is married and such.

Now I’ve never looked up that type of info, but I can’t lie. I would sure like to know that upfront…are you married, do you have a prison record, children?

I would like to believe that people tell you the truth when you ask them, but just in case they don’t…I would love to know I can check it in a jiffy.

I know every guy is no psycho, shacking partner of 5 baby mamas, but how do you weed out the crazies without cross checking?? When do you cross check, upfront?? When he’s obviously crazy? When?

Melo

September 20th, 2010
11:52 am

2CPTG/Slim?

I think there will be a lot of female cursing that day!

This muth&(;:>€¥ melo thinks every female is a h03
:lol:

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
11:53 am

go to another wedding, pray that he attends…..

2Can – That advice sucks. :lol:

sun1

September 20th, 2010
11:53 am

AmazonRed™@11:24 Or you can just ask the bride to pass the message and see what comes back…Was thinking this just didnt know what I should tell her to tell him, any suggestions? I know I may sound “nieve” or something, just havent taken this route before, its sort of like approaching a guy & I dont want to do that or seem like Im doing that.

Just let the sister in law send word that u feeling him and see if he bites!

@ Melo “If he does, u better behave yourself and carry yourself with dignity.
If u happen to go on a date, keep your lil fingers and hands to yourself coz you don’t want to set yourself up as a thirsty h03!
good luck! ” LOL, thanks will try :)

blue - ™

September 20th, 2010
11:54 am

so whats the appropriate reaction when your SO has a friend that they’ve introduced to you as simly a friend and somewhere down the line it comes out that they did in fact date, or were FWB

Lady-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

September 20th, 2010
11:54 am

yep luvbug you don’t even have to be searchin’ sadly……..i am serious…..I was just surprised how FB will link you to folks that you are friends with vice versa…..the info meaning much info is out there and with the searches if its public info its out there…..I have learned a while back not to go searching for anything anymore…..whatever is meant for me to know I will know and trust it comes full circle at the end of the day without a sweat…..lol

Luvbug

September 20th, 2010
11:54 am

LOL Melo

I already know you think that. I just wonder if you can jump off a topic without ’sexual words’. LOL

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
11:56 am

blue: Think he knows?

hope not :shock:

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
11:57 am

okay…my homeboy just told me he used to knit :shock:

Lady-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

September 20th, 2010
11:57 am

Curiosity kills boredom. Nothing can kill curiosity. <———What do y'all think of that?!?

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
12:00 pm

not that dudes can’t knit, I just can’t picture a dude (my homeboy) knitting

Luvbug

September 20th, 2010
12:01 pm

blue – How far down the line? How did it come out?

Leggs

September 20th, 2010
12:02 pm

@sun1 ~ nothing wrong with letting the sis in law know you’re interested and ask her to give him your number. If he’s interested he will call, if not, NOT.

@ARed ~ 2CPTG’s advice was actually from a joke about meeting someone at a funeral and the best way to see him again. Am I right, 2C?

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
12:03 pm

I know that advice sucks, A Red….but wonder why she left if she had an “interest” in ol dude….I’d think you would hang around just for that reason alone….or hell, here’s a novel idea, make your intentions/interests known!

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
12:03 pm

Leggs, some’n like that….

Melo

September 20th, 2010
12:04 pm

@Luvbug??

I don’t think I could ever meet a chic and not think what her scream and crazy is like, if she is high or low on the sex need and what her sexual history is like! Never!

Now, after we meet, it’s on her to redeem herself in my eyes, based on her conduct.

If she has been on a year(s) long sex sabbatical,like yourself, well and good then, melo Jnr will prove that to me’, in time!! :lol:

Lady-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

September 20th, 2010
12:05 pm

test daggit….. :(

Lady-Count your Blessings, Cut your loses, & Follow the yellow brick road!

September 20th, 2010
12:06 pm

hmmmmm ok lol…….moving on…….enjoy your day crew! :)

czBrat

September 20th, 2010
12:06 pm

so whats the appropriate reaction when your SO has a friend that they’ve introduced to you as simly a friend and somewhere down the line it comes out that they did in fact date, or were FWB

s/o should be the one to tell you about his/her history with that person before someone else does, but the actual introduction is still going to go something like “blue, this is orange”, not “blue, this is my former buck fuddy, orange.” LOL

blue, email me czbrat84@yahoo.com

Luvbug

September 20th, 2010
12:06 pm

Melo – Have you ever asked upfront? If you could find out without her knowing (and without searching), would you?

blue - ™

September 20th, 2010
12:06 pm

@Luvbug – ex had fallen off the radar years back, made a reappearrance recently, introduced as a HS Friend….few weeks later of FB messages, cell calls and calls to the house all times of day and night, slip of the tongue lays out the ex-status…suscpicions had been there all along…

Luvbug

September 20th, 2010
12:07 pm

Melo- It’d have to be someone you’re already really into…like Queen status or how you felt at the height of your relationships with your exes.

Leggs

September 20th, 2010
12:09 pm

“…here’s a novel idea, make your intentions/interests known!”

Yep!

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
12:09 pm

@sun1 – The Facebook route has given me 100% success rate. I’m not found by just a govt name serach, but once I put the friend request out, guys have always shot me a note and ended up asking me out once we got to know each other better.

As for asking the bride, a simple “I would like to get to know him better but don’t know if he’s interested” would probably work best. I’ve found that one to be hit or miss because you don’t know how the “middleman” will broach it. They can make you sound crazy or desperate. I wouldn’t leave it in someone elses hands if I could help it. :lol:

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

I know that advice sucks, A Red….but wonder why she left if she had an “interest” in ol dude….I’d think you would hang around just for that reason alone….or hell, here’s a novel idea, make your intentions/interests known!

2Can – That happens in a perfect world. In reality people miss opportunities everyday from being shy, intimidated, nervous, etc.

Melo

September 20th, 2010
12:13 pm

@Luvbug?

Men don’t ask, they go out to prove for themselves. Which ever way she is! H03, decent,lots of history etc.
There are always some tell tell signs on a woman.

Luvbug

September 20th, 2010
12:14 pm

Melo – Like what??