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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Do you come with references?

Happy Monday everyone!

I’m hanging out in south Florida this week so our good friend and commenter Mr. M. is stepping in to kick things up… from a man’s perspective:

At one time in all of our careers, someone (employer or potential client) has requested a reference.  They want to know not only to get an idea of all the good reasons for explaining their experiences with you, but also for any bad experiences of working with you.

What if we used this practice in dating? What affect could this have on the dating
landscape?

What if you met someone and they asked to speak to people from your most recent
relationships? Would you provide their number? If not, what makes you fearful to provide information?

Wow, Mr. M. is suggesting that we actual provide dating references?  I don’t know about this one, I shutter at the thought of the things my ex before last would say about how things went.  If you end things on a good note, are you certain the person would give you a good reference to your new potential romance? Would you trust them to tell the truth, as they saw it?

I can’t wait to see what you guys think about this one. Discuss! Oh and I will be checking in during the day, hopefully from a beach chair with a fruity drink in hand!

346 comments Add your comment

Melo

September 20th, 2010
8:00 am

Who left the lights on Friday????

Lemme do a room by room check

Cedric

September 20th, 2010
8:24 am

Brainless idea.

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
8:36 am

Melo! I was on the toilet when you turned off the lights!
Not cool dog!

Kindly turn them back on.
And start brewing the coffee!

vuduchld

September 20th, 2010
8:43 am

Why do you seem to be bent on submitting dumb, brainless stories. Your articles are a complete waste of electronic space. Do everyone a favor, if you can’t come up with anything better than this mindless drivel don’t sumbit anything at all!

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
8:46 am

DO you come with references?

If someone asked you if they could call people from your past relationships, would you oblige?

I think not!

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
8:52 am

Dating References? Really?

“Would you provide their number? If not, what makes you fearful to provide information?”

First of all, why would I want to speak with another dude who use to do what I’m currently doing? And theres two sides to every story, so speaking with an ex is only going to give you their perspective;

Simple Man!!!!

September 20th, 2010
8:52 am

Morning all!!! Hope everyone got everything or everybody they wanted this weekend!!! On topic…While I find this a novel idea, it would be soooo funny actually try this. In fact if someone I was interested in asked, I would be glad provide contact info to allow for verification of everything thery wanted to know….But this might be one of those time when its be careful when you look for something…You just may find it :)

Dan - simply...

September 20th, 2010
8:55 am

Morning,

I’ve actually had this request made of me (in addition to background check requests, google searches, etc), done in the name of security.

If asked, I don’t know that I’d submit to references, because at a certain point you’re going to have to make up your own mind. As an example: employers often have “probationary” periods during the first few weeks of your employment not only to assess your credentials but to assess your performance.

Thus, if you’re looking for someone else’s perspective on a potential mate based on historical performance(from friends, family, even ex’s) that’s acceptable to a certain extent; but, you should be using that information in context with your own experience to enhance your decision.

Simply put: get out of your own way.

Willie Dynamite

September 20th, 2010
8:55 am

Morning All,

Uh No, dont want to s/w or even think about the dude that used to smash my chick. I really cant believe this was thought of by a Man. This right here is just plain wrong on so many levels.

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
8:56 am

My reasons for not wanting to provide my references: My exes are still trying to get with me!

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
8:58 am

I could see it now

Dude: Can you provide your dating experience with I am ?
References exes : Oh, well you know that noone can love her like I can and I suggest you give it up because we are going to be together
Me: Damn Damn Damn James!!!!!

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
8:59 am

“I really cant believe this was thought of by a Man.”

My sentiments, exactly…. M., c’mon man, when you get the mike you gotta represent!

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
9:00 am

….besides…commicating with the past, that’s just drama right there.
Why bother.

People are exes for a reason. It doesn’t mean that the same experience with go down once you start dating that person.

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
9:00 am

typo: communicating.
SMH

Delvin

September 20th, 2010
9:00 am

Word of mouth references help immensly. The girls talk and have spread the word about the The Love Machine.

I am whatever you say I am

September 20th, 2010
9:12 am

ALOL @ Delvin!

blue - ™

September 20th, 2010
9:12 am

Morning All,

is there coffee yet?
melo, hows that room by room check coming? no vampires or anything?

provide references, complete with numbers…hmmm…my gut response is he!! no..he!! no…and again he!! no…..first of all how crazy does it look to say hey id like to talk to your ex and see what they have to say about you, could you give me the number? and secondly, who would really want to talk to that person anyway? im thinking in my mind id be stuck thinking about whatever you may or may not have doen with her (thinking dude would be doing the same) and not even listening to what they had to say anyway : brain would be running on what did he see in her? does he think im like her? noticing similiarties between us and assuming he is only dating me because im like her….the list goes on and on…bad idea…and a Dude came up with this? really?

abc

September 20th, 2010
9:16 am

‘Shutter at the thought’? Journalism much? Shudder, indeed.

Dating references is a ridiculous idea. Puh-leeze.

Willie Dynamite

September 20th, 2010
9:18 am

I’d like to see just 1 real live example of a MAN actually calling up the exes of his current SO to ask some dumb shyt like this. Just 1. I got a few thoughts on which Blog-dudes may be capable of such a thing but I dont think even they would do it.

For Real

September 20th, 2010
9:23 am

What it do blog fam!

On topic: Dayum why do people make dating so freaking hard. (In my Jim Mora voice) References, References…..

i'm swiss™

September 20th, 2010
9:23 am

Worst. Idea. Ever.

SlimNumeroUno

September 20th, 2010
9:23 am

Good morning all! Hope you all enjoyed your weekends, I know I have been enjoying my family that’s in town ;-)

My ex doesn’t want to see me with anyone, so i’m pretty sure he just might cuss they behind out. OR turn them off from even wanting to date me…

blue - ™

September 20th, 2010
9:25 am

@Slim – hey lady…thats what id be wondering about too, as either the one that their reporting on or reporting to…how in the world can you be confident that their telling you the truth? you dont always know the type of breakup they had, and you dont know them at all, why in the world would you trust their story? only way too would be talk to your intended and compare stories…novel idea just talk to them in the first place and cut the ex out….

LovelessinAtl

September 20th, 2010
9:26 am

Simply: Let the past be the past,and accept me how I am.

@I am I agree with that 8:56am post. Its funny how they wanna come back after you have moved on.

For Real

September 20th, 2010
9:26 am

How weak minded does a person have to be to resort to asking someone’s ex about the person they have decided to date? This is such a bytch move!! So much so I can’t even come up with a skit.

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
9:26 am

well, at least Florida State, and Tamap Bay won!!!

boy, that NFC South is like the SEC of pro football….

abc

September 20th, 2010
9:27 am

Journalism much? “Shutter at the thought”, really?

Ezra

September 20th, 2010
9:27 am

Well if it comes down to referrences why dont we just use prostitutes. Experience and referrences!

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
9:28 am

“So much so I can’t even come up with a skit.”

c’mon, I know you got one in you…..

DreamsMaterialize

September 20th, 2010
9:28 am

Morning
So this is what we get on our day? Kinda like what you say when you get that pair of socks and old spice for Father’s Day.

For conversation sake, you only list references who you already know will give glowing remarks. That’s why you ask people first if they would be willing to provide a solid recommendation. If I applied this to dating, I would do it the same way. Anyway, dudes just wouldn’t partcipate in this…it’s real brittle-back behavior.

For Real

September 20th, 2010
9:29 am

Oh and 2C I did pay my debt to you when you drankitdid the rest of my 1/2 of a 1/2 of pint and you finished off my last three roaches.

PrincessNik

September 20th, 2010
9:31 am

Good Morning

While references in the professional world are one thing. I don’t think references in the personal world would prove to be a good idea. Typically with a professional reference there is no emotion tied to it. Generally your work speaks for itself and a professional reference negative or positive can typically be “backed-up”. Now a reference from a previous relationship/spouse/jump-off……totally different story.

Leggs

September 20th, 2010
9:34 am

Good morning, everyone!

To call an ex for a reference on your character, sexual exploits, etc. is insane. Not many ex’s have very good things to say. For those who are still on good terms with other probably wishes the other well. Why take the spin of a scorned person into your own analysis of how this person is? Why even take the chance of someone else influencing your next step in getting to know this person? How one treated that ex probably will not be the same way they treat the new person. Ask me for an ex’s phone number and I’ll walk you the door!

PrincessNik

September 20th, 2010
9:35 am

well, at least Florida State Auburn, and Tamap Bay won!!!

Hey 2CPTG!

Dan - simply...

September 20th, 2010
9:35 am

@Willie D

I don’t know if M-dot was suggesting a man do this. I took the post to mean something he’s experienced in dating.

I could generally give a fugg about what happened before me period, but there are some women out there that do. They look for references from friends and family at gatherings. Their ears (and suspicions) perk up at the mention of an ex’s name.

It happens. But I took it to mean from the female.

But I’ll let M state his own intentions.

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
9:36 am

For Real, maybe that’s why I don’t remember….that was equivalent to one swallow, and one hit!!!!

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
9:36 am

Morning all, hope you had a fun weekend. Mine was filled with sports. First UGA football game Saturday and the Falcons game on Sunday!

As for references…I come with glowing ones. Apparently all my exes say I’m wonderful…it’s not me it’s them. :roll: :arrow:

2CPTG©

September 20th, 2010
9:38 am

what’s up, Nik…..gal, those Tigers (Auburn), looked good….the Gators let a good one go, in Cam Newton (’course, he had Tebow in front of him)…but they looked good, nonetheless….and what about them Bucs….nice win on the road!!!! Freeman is gonna be the man!

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
9:39 am

Oh and please support Blair Underwood in the TV show “The Event” tonight on NBC! Went to a screening last week. It’s a good show! And NBC has commited themselves to more diverse representation in their programming, so let’s support. :D

Willie Dynamite

September 20th, 2010
9:39 am

Dan – hope you are right. Just cant see a Dude doing that. Let me rephrase; just cant see a Real Dude doing that. I really cant see a Real chick doing that either. They may do a little snooping and/or recon but to ask/call/ask the exes??????

SlimNumeroUno

September 20th, 2010
9:39 am

Ladies,

So the blog question is about a potential datee calling YOUR ex up about you…but how would you feel if a person that’s dating YOUR ex called YOU up and asked for a reference about them? I know that first of all, i’d be upset that my ex gave them my number to begin with. 2nd of all, if he didn’t give them my number, I’d immediately think they were crazy to go through the trouble of looking me up. 3rdly, I can’t even imagine how you fix your mouth to start asking questions about the ex to expect a warm, honest result.

That’s almost like calling up the last chick a dude you’re currently dating now and asking what moves he performed on her in bed. Or a dude asking another dude, yo is she flucking AND sucking…does she swallow etc…(but in that case I would assume it was for just a sex situation, not someone you’re considering DATING)

DreamsMaterialize

September 20th, 2010
9:42 am

I’d like to see just 1 real live example of a MAN actually calling up the exes of his current SO to ask some dumb shyt like this. Just 1.
WillieD These are those Creme Brulee dudes…they sweet, got the consistency of custard, and they FLAMING. lol

PrincessNik

September 20th, 2010
9:42 am

2CPTG,

I’m quite impressed with Newton so far, now if the rest of the team can get a hold of the penalties sheesh! :roll:

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 20th, 2010
9:43 am

Good day

I think if people want to talk to their ex’s just to ask a couple of questions, it would not bother me (Like is this chick crazy, is she full of drama, etc.)

@Willie Dynamite
@2CPTG

What topics would you gentlemen suggest then?

@Dan

I agree with you that the other person will definately have to make up their own mind.

@Willie Dynamite

It would be good to hear something about someone that you need to know before you find out the hard way.

If she has a temper and threw hot grits on her ex; I think I would like to know about her anger issues ahead of time! Or would you prefer her to just throw the grits on you Willie lol?

Dan - simply...

September 20th, 2010
9:44 am

I think y’all are forgetting how small a town the A really is.

From professional to personal associations, everybody knows something about everybody else.

So finding out about a Kappa, a Delta, or someone in the accounting profession ain’t really that difficult to do. Where the crazy line is crossed is: how much digging is going to get done?

At a certain point if you can’t ask me the questions (directly) that you’re asking everyone else about me, then we don’t need to date.

abc

September 20th, 2010
9:45 am

FL State, Auburn, ‘Bama, UGA, thppt. This is Nebraska’s year.

PrincessNik

September 20th, 2010
9:47 am

thppt

abc :lol: now that was funny, never seen that in print

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 20th, 2010
9:47 am

If a guy called me and say hey, no disrespect but I just met Suzi and I know you used to date her. I was curious what was your experience like with her? Was she crazy, did she steal money from you, did she scratch your car? Would I be wasting my time dealing with her?

Me: I would just be straight up with him and not throw her under the bus. She is cool but she can be a little needy, and disrespectful at times but if you check that disrespect and dont allow her to come at you sideways, you will be good.

Shes just not a good fit for me.

Willie Dynamite

September 20th, 2010
9:48 am

M. – So you are indeed cool with discussing things like this with the Ex. would you go so far as to ask for ph#’s and then call?

Me personally, I would want to know some of the past behaviors but would have to find that out in the dating process.

AmazonRed™

September 20th, 2010
9:48 am

From professional to personal associations, everybody knows something about everybody else.

Agreed. I remember dating this guy from Vegas. His best friend is someone from Cali who knew me in college, but we all live in Atlanta. I was definitely grateful that I didn’t have a past from my college years, it would have been revealed quickly. :lol: