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Does attraction ever make sense?

Do you ever wonder why you are drawn to the people that you appeal to you the most?  The fact that many of us singles think we have a type makes me wonder if we think about why.  Why does the person with the sense of humor seem to appeal to you more?

If we think about what gets our attention, does it matter why? I ask because figuring out what is behind our attraction may explain other mysteries.  Such as, if this type attracts me, why doesn’t it seem to work out?

Reflect on the type of people you have dated and remember what made them stand out to you.  When do you know that your attraction goes beyond the  “nice to look it” phase?

Why do you think  some relationships end when the attraction seems to fade or wane?

287 comments Add your comment

blue - ™

September 17th, 2010
9:03 am

dark in here, am i first? let me get the lights….
GM all….

SlimNumeroUno

September 17th, 2010
9:05 am

Dang blue, did you have to turn on ALL the lights…let’s at least dim them for now. lol

HAPPY FART IN YO FRIENDS FACE FRIDAY EVERYBODY :-D

blue - ™

September 17th, 2010
9:08 am

im scared of the dark slim :( , there could be vampires hiding in the corners 8O ….got to be sure….

Dan - simply...

September 17th, 2010
9:09 am

Everyone has a “type” that you’re attracted to physically, where maturity comes in is getting beyond the (just) the physical to how the person compliments you emotionally, mentally, etc.

If your physical ‘type’ isn’t working for you on the other levels enough for these relationships to continue, I would hope that as adults we’d recognize the trends and try and break the bad habits.

@2C

(in response to your post yesterday – not to bring up old isht) As I stated, I think what you’re doing is admirable if you feel like that’s what you need to cleanse yourself for the next step (or however you envision the process).

“Having done it all” doesn’t preclude from doing it all again – leastways for some of us.

Good luck on your journey my friend.

SlimNumeroUno

September 17th, 2010
9:11 am

Well in that case, take this garlic necklace and this cross I made out of drinking straws to ward off any evil lurkers. The garlic works best if you actually eat a couple of cloves. lol

SlimNumeroUno

September 17th, 2010
9:14 am

As far as having a “type”, I really don’t think I have one. Personality is a biggie for me so if I meet someone and we click personality-wise, able to converse, trip out then that’s a pretty good darn start. I find that anyone I meet who sounds dry as heyal or that you have to carry the whole convo, doesn’t hold my interest for long. I met a guy some time ago that came off as a bit intriguing to me for whatever reason, but buddy sounded like the Clear Eyes for Dry Eyes guy on the phone…just couldn’t handle that. YAwwwwwn!

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 17th, 2010
9:15 am

Hola!

I will lurk on this one for a minute. Blue, where is the coffee?

AmazonRed™

September 17th, 2010
9:17 am

Morning all –

I don’t think attraction ever makes sense, especially when you get into science. I recently read an article that being on the birth control pill changes your hormones (duh) but even to the point of the people you’re attracted to. Since the pill tricks your body into “thinking” it’s already pregnant, the men you’d be attracted to would be different. Something to that effect.

In any case, this is just one thing I try not to overthink, but find interesting.

Leggs

September 17th, 2010
9:24 am

Good morning everyone!

Who’s watching Fred. I saw him walking down the road with dollar bills pinned to this tail looking groggy and one horseshoe was missing.

blue - ™

September 17th, 2010
9:25 am

@Slim – good looking out…add that to the holy water in my pocket…
@DD – walking the perimeter…you know, vamps and all…but its brewing, be ready in a minute….
@ARed – thats interesting, i hadnt heard that theroy b4…hmmm…

on topic – not sure that their really is a lot of reasoning there… i think a lot of times if you can pinpoint why you prefer a certain type as opposed to simply i like what i like its a result of something dysfunctional in your past that has made that has written that reason in marker on your brain….

AmazonRed™

September 17th, 2010
9:27 am

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 17th, 2010
9:30 am

@blue I will continue to sip on this hot tea while the “liquid hyper” brew.

On topic: Physically I have a type I date tall men, however I date men that respect me and treat me right. Most tend to be attentive with a great sense of humor, and a sense of adventure. I like getting outside the box.

SexyCool

September 17th, 2010
9:31 am

blue - ™

September 17th, 2010
9:39 am

@Leggs – u sure that was Fred, cause he’s been here with me on vamp patrol….wait, how early was it, cause i did leave for work late this morning….hmmm….
@DD – liquid hyper ready to serve, havent seen swiss with the “flavoring” yet tho….
@Ared – interesting article…saw a few things in there that made me turn my head…like this one “they thought that recurrent miscarriages were related to genetic similarity, but they couldn’t find an example.”
would that be nature eliminating duplicates

Kym

September 17th, 2010
9:52 am

Good Morning All,

I think attraction only makes sense to the parties involve.. those on the outside looking in..they will always wonder how these two found each other. I just did a quick review of the men who have held my attention and my heart for more than a quick thought of how he would look in football pants..and I have to say the attraction was they all had this understated charm. They are the guys you would least suspect to have anything of interest to say. They simply blend in with their surrounds. While one would hate to hear me describe him like that..because he sees himself as the life of the party–they all could be…but it is that quiet charm that I found so appealing. Which is the complete opposite of my own personality..because I am anything but quiet. I figure the attraction is like Yin and Yang..these guys provided a balance.

2CPTG©

September 17th, 2010
9:56 am

Dan, ‘preshate the shout out, my friend….yeah, some’n like “sexual fasting;” Definitely a soul cleanser! In correlation to today’s topic, now I don’t just look at chics and think how long will it take to smash….cause I’ll tell you what, the more mature you get, that proverbial “dime-piece” has many facets to it; It ain’t all about the physical no ‘mo!!!

CoolShadow

September 17th, 2010
10:00 am

The physical attraction is what initially draws you to someone. In your early stages of dating that may be enough but as you mature you need substance (e.g., personality) from a person in addition to the physical attraction to keep your interest going. There are a lot of people who can pull people in but lack the substance to maintain one’s interest.

I have a certain type of woman that I’m attracted to; however, I have tolerances because it’s virtually impossible to find every appealing quality in one person. Timing can be crucial since certain women can attract you at given times of your life but not at others. Some are appealing at any age while some were never meant to be with you. But it still amazes me when someone rocks me beyond the norm and I wonder, “How’d she do that?” when it’s more than just physical attraction.

Simple Man!!!!

September 17th, 2010
10:15 am

Good Morning all!

Since I have dated women across the spectrum, I can honestly say that I don’t really have a type…I think i am one of those people that truely happens to love most evrything about women!!! Now of course there are dealbrekers, but for the most part, If she is classy and self confident, I am in…..

blue - ™

September 17th, 2010
10:16 am

@Kym – lol, i like “how he would look in football pants..” , that definitely could be a head turner, lol.

everybody has what they like, tho im sure like you said alot of times it leaves people on the outside wonder what in the world? me, i tend to go for the tall ones, somewhat foreign with quirky sense of humor…leaves me needing a step stool to get a kiss and alot of times personalities that are, colorful lets say, but since i have a strong personality, that works for me….most of the time anyway, lol

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 17th, 2010
10:20 am

Friday.

I think the main reason we have a certain types of people is because of our comfort levels. We all have a certain demographic of dating that we are most comfortable with. It links back to our backgrounds and what we are used to being around.

When do you know that your attraction goes beyond the “nice to look it” phase?

I think this happens when you are getting to know them and now want to know what else do they have to offer besides their looks.

Leggs

September 17th, 2010
10:30 am

“When do you know that your attraction goes beyond the “nice to look it” phase?”

When they capture your mind and actually enjoy talking and learning from you.

czBrat

September 17th, 2010
10:32 am

HiYas!

If we think about what gets our attention, does it matter why?
ok, so i get DD wanting to get outside the box, and i also get M.’s point about your comfort level.
here’s the thing. i have found that what gets my attention is that balance between maturity (don’t holla @ me) and fun (don’t be stuffy).
ideally, we are perfectly comfortable together doing absolutely nothing, but we also bring something new and different into each other’s life.

The real KIM

September 17th, 2010
10:33 am

Dern! DD ask her if the married man wore football pants

kimmie

September 17th, 2010
10:34 am

Morning people!

What can I say, people like what they like. And attraction can’t be forced. Don’t get mad because someone is not attracted to who you THINK they SHOULD be attracted to.

Whatchu guys got planned for the weekend?

Kym

September 17th, 2010
10:37 am

@Kimmie..Volunteering and Football for us country folks..this is a bye week for the boy and football. What are you doing? Oh and I am gonna start calling Ninja Kimmie now..since pretty soon you will be a lethal weapon. LOL

Lady-amusing

September 17th, 2010
10:42 am

hey gang! Hope all is well in here! ;)

DD how is it going chica! :)

TGIF baby! what a week!

i'm swiss™

September 17th, 2010
10:42 am

Morning peeps…

On topic: I definitely have a physical / aesthetic type that I gravitate toward, but not so much a personality type. Or, perhaps more accurately, my personality “type” has done a complete 180 from what it once was? I say that because Mrs. Swiss is the polar opposite of my previous SO, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Obviously, I would have to say that prior experience played some role in this shift, but mostly I think it was just the fact that I matured & became more in touch with what I really wanted / needed in a partner…

Um… now, off topic: I’ve got a blog confession (blogfession) could use some blog feedback (blogback)… but maybe it’s best saved for later in the day…

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 17th, 2010
10:47 am

@czBrat I gotcha fun and mature is an excellent combination. Now please list your lunch menu. If I keep falling off I am going to be worst than “Fred.” LOL

@lady it is all good! What’s going on with you? What are you doing this weekend?

@swiss, well give it to us NOW it is sooooooooooooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Lady-amusing

September 17th, 2010
10:47 am

a great attraction is having the guy being truly into me….it makes a differnce….the “I like you part” is important……it makes conversing effortlessly and other things fall into place smoothly without force or demand……..it is more serious dialouge and activites and events are with substance……my spin…..lol

Lady-amusing

September 17th, 2010
10:49 am

Today is my mom’s bday and it will be a fun filled family weekend….I do have a jv football game with the cheerleaders and my child and niece will go with me other than that family time and studying and football! And you chica!?!

czBrat

September 17th, 2010
10:50 am

Di, lunch is a turkey/avocado sammich. i’m thrilled and envigorated after last night’s 5k. i had to walk the last two uphills, but i’m proud of myself just the same :)
(i will NOT fall off the wagon! i will NOT fall off the wagon! i will NOT fall off the wagon!)

White man

September 17th, 2010
10:52 am

Ok ladies and gentlemen, what is the subject today?

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 17th, 2010
10:53 am

I am going to have my car cleaned and svc this afternoon. Saturday I have a few people to see and places to go…I really hope the weather is nice so I can hang outside. Sunday I will prepare my lessons in between football and eating. I have a few recipes to try out. Wish me luck!

White man

September 17th, 2010
10:53 am

God I love football…thank God it is back.

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 17th, 2010
10:56 am

@czBrat I am going to do veggies today…nothing fried or anything (I hope) (i will NOT fall off the wagon! i will NOT fall off the wagon! i will NOT fall off the wagon!)
Oh yea, I actually hit the track last night and had a very light veggie soup for dinner with 1/2 piece of fat-free, low cal, no taste cheese toast. :grin:
@White MAN, give us something to talk about as you can see this place is dead as a corpse.

Lady-amusing

September 17th, 2010
10:57 am

good luck chica! The Max needs cleaning too….doubt I get to it….lol

i'm swiss™

September 17th, 2010
11:01 am

“well give it to us NOW it is sooooooooooooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwwwwwww”

Okay, Dirty D, discuss amongst yourselves…

So, a little back-story… Mrs. Swiss & I wanted to try to have a kid & we’ve recently gone through quite a bit of trouble (and expense) to make it happen (she had to have surgery & then she’s been seeing a fertility specialist, etc.)… So, last night she takes her ovulation test & it’s go time. So we start going at it… and going… and going… and going. Fast forward, and Mrs. Swiss has long since crossed the finish line (a couple of times, actually), but I’m still going… and going… and going… For whatever reason I just… Could. Not. Finish. Now, mind you, I normally have to employ Jedi mind tricks to avoid finishing before I’m ready, but this time I was going nowhere. Spinning my wheels. No end in sight….

Of course, Mrs. Swiss was getting pi$$ed because she thought I was holding out on purpose… Argument ensues, mood totally killed.

Fortunately, I woke up this morning with fresh morning wood & we took care of business with no problems, but that episode still freaks me out…. Anybody else ever put the mind meld on themselves like that?

czBrat

September 17th, 2010
11:02 am

dinner menu is baked tilapia & steamed veggies. and for once i will not wash my week meal down with a cold beer :( i’m off alcohol for the next three weeks.

the weather was muggier than i expected last night, but the run was very cleansing. i’m proud of you girl! we can do this!!!

kimmie-ninja very soon!

September 17th, 2010
11:04 am

Lady-amusing

September 17th, 2010
11:04 am

awww swiss!!!! wishing you to luck with your venture!

Raqi

September 17th, 2010
11:04 am

In my opinion it’s not so much as what makes the initial attraction but more so what keeps you attracted.

I met a few guys in my past that I found attractive however after a conversation or two there was no attraction there. I know the same to be true for men that had no attraction to me.

I had an initial attraction for husband that formed over a year and once getting into a relationship with him I found many other things that to this day keep me attracted to him.

czBrat

September 17th, 2010
11:07 am

swiss, you’re letting the pressure of the end result get to you. just hump it like you would if ya’ll were a couple of teenagers completely ignorant of where babies come from. she’ll be knocked up in no time.

enjoy! you randy lil bast@rd! :lol: :lol:

kimmie-ninja very soon!

September 17th, 2010
11:08 am

Swiss – I agree with Brat.

jmike

September 17th, 2010
11:09 am

important lesson: Attraction Is Not A Choice. it’s not about how much $$, job, lifestyle, etc. it’s just something you have- confidence, charisma, the ability to socialize with everyone, sense of humor, great smile.

White man

September 17th, 2010
11:09 am

Raqi that is great.

DreamsMaterialize

September 17th, 2010
11:09 am

Morning
I’m usually down to date whomever, as long as I think she’s attractive. I do go through phases of types though. Had a slim girl phase, had a dark chocolate girl phase, had a tall girl phase, an all natural girl phase. Of course I can do this because I don’t allow “type” to limit me.

White man

September 17th, 2010
11:10 am

When it comes to tail you dont have to be too picky…there is plenty out there. haha

blue - ™

September 17th, 2010
11:11 am

@swiss – congrats dude….sounds like pressure getting to you – pressure to perform a job rather than simply enjoying it for what it is. just let it flooowwwww…

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green II

September 17th, 2010
11:11 am

@swiss I hope you made a little swiss this morning! Melo will have to answer your other question. As a woman I have had times when I got mine two or three times, “I am feeling like hurry up enough of this pounding. ”

@lady it is difficult keeping black cars clean, so I am only washing the other one this week…LOL

@Brat LOL I am not a drinker so the no alcohol is fine with me, it’s the fried okra, fried green tomatoes, cookies and milk that gets me :sad:

We can do it, and I might hit the track this evening just to get my weekend off right!

Lady-amusing

September 17th, 2010
11:13 am

lol dd….my car needs a good buffering……lol…….i may do it on our october furlough day……lol