accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

If at first you don’t succeed, run?

We have talked about making snap judgments and how it can sometimes be a way single people avoid making real connections.  Admittedly, there are times when you aren’t feeling the spark or chemistry that you want to feel.  Then there are times when you probably should take that gut feeling and go with it.

How do you know when you aren’t just being a jerk and the  “red flags” are real?  I think when people always tell us poor, uncoupled singles that “you will know” when it’s right, there is some truth to that.  When you meet someone and feel really comfortable with them right away, you probably are drawn to them for a reason.

What happens when it’s awkward and weird? Does that mean things will always be that way?

What would you do if you dated someone a couple weeks and things were not clicking.  Do you take that as a sign it’s not working out?

When you have had a great connection with other people, do you compare that experience to everyone you meet after?

I met a guy last year and there was something about him that just didn’t click with me.  I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but I never got the sense that there was potential for anything serious.   He didn’t feel the same way and now he has resurfaced again.  I am not in a serious relationship at the moment, but I don’t want that to be the only reason I explore things with this guy.

What would you do? Do we only get one shot to make things stick or can it also be about timing?

362 comments Add your comment

i'm swiss™

September 16th, 2010
9:10 am

FIRST!

I succeeded. ;-)

i'm swiss™

September 16th, 2010
9:18 am

Now that the important stuff is out of the way…

On topic: Go with your gut. This really shouldn’t be that complicated. There’s no need to over-analyze your feelings. Just go with how you feel. When you find the person that feels right to you & he/she feels the same, just go with it.

Oh, and morning blog peeps. Coffee’s ready — but I made it, so it’s Irish coffee, if you know what I mean…

SexyCool

September 16th, 2010
9:18 am

DC Rose

September 16th, 2010
9:19 am

GM All!
Do we only get one shot to make things stick or can it also be about timing? I think timing is so important. You have to be open and ready… and sometimes we aren’t.

I was pursued by a guy for months and was never really feeling it. We ran into each other years later and BAM – the time was right. We were together for quite a while and it was fun while it lasted, even though the end was ugly.
Diva, some potential relationships are worth a second glimpse.

Congrats Swiss!

blue - ™

September 16th, 2010
9:19 am

GM all,

putting out coffee and donuts…Fred, put down the donuts…no you cant have all the glazed ones…put em down….Fred……dont make me come over there….

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 16th, 2010
9:20 am

Morning All!!

Today is my friday! WHEW!! I havent stepped in the blog this early in FOREVER!!

Swiss – i’ll have some of that coffee please

blue - ™

September 16th, 2010
9:20 am

(gotta have some straight coffee for the non-irish folks) but um, swiss, pass a cup o’ the irish….

Wong Fun Dong

September 16th, 2010
9:23 am

Yea…u no suckseed u twie twie again.

i'm swiss™

September 16th, 2010
9:28 am

Coffee is served, blue & Mo… BTW… the “Irish” part is home brew… (you know I come from a long line of bootleggers) ;-)

CMS

September 16th, 2010
9:36 am

Personally I’ve never been one to approach a woman again after I’ve been rejected once before. In WD’s case it seems to me that if she is even slightly interested in the dude she brushed off earlier she should be the person to initiate a possible “second chance”

Mo (aka Moeisha )

September 16th, 2010
9:40 am

CCCL-LAWD HAMMERCY Swiss!! GEESH! okay I know today is my friday but I wasnt ready for that!! Watch the coffee ya’ll….its good but its got a lotta KICK! :smile:

blue - ™

September 16th, 2010
9:41 am

sipping my coffee …. strong …What happens when it’s awkward and weird? Does that mean things will always be that way? i say no, doesnt mean it will always be that way, but gotta give time for two new personalitites to mix..when it becomes extended thats when you need to wonder….
as far as getting only one shot or is it about timing, i figure like this: everything happens for a reason…that goes from things like missing your light to meeting the person that will change your life..maybe you meet them early on and they change your life in a small way at the time, and its good, but just not the right time for the ulitimate change that they will bring you…be open to it, may come back around later….ex. ive dated friends b4, dated the jerk friend first, then the good one after…good one is like you shouldnt even have wasted your time with jerk…in my mind if i hadnt dated jerk wouldnt have met the good one, all comes around in time….

Simple Man!!!!

September 16th, 2010
9:43 am

Morning All!!!

I think the trick is to always be pleasnt to those you meet. That way if even if there is no initial spark, if you shoud meet again under different circumstances, you will still be in a position to explore and see what happens…

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2010
9:46 am

Morning all –

Well, your instincts exist for a reason. But sometimes, life examples make us read way more into things then what is actually there.

That being said, as long as I don’t feel unsafe, I am not opposed to a date or two. Sometimes you catch someone on a bad day. However, if after meeting someone once or twice and staying open minded and objective…if you still feel funny about things, go with that feeling.

I do believe if things are meant to be, things will be put in place to make it happen. The fact that WiseDiva has run into this guy again could mean something … or it could be a reminder to stick with your first mind. Who’s to say? Anyway, time changes all of us. I’d give him a chance and see if things are different this time. You’ll never have to wonder “what if?”

Simple Man!!!!

September 16th, 2010
9:52 am

AmazonRed™

Morning sweetness!! How are you today??

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green

September 16th, 2010
9:57 am

Hola!

On topic: What I said last time, but after sipping on swiss beatz coffee I don’t even remember what I wrote or think about this matter. Blue your coffee is not much better, since Fred spiked it, and it appears that he traded out your doughnuts for rum cake.

@Simple Man you are right on that 9:43, every meeting is not a match, but I like to see if any additional networking can come out of the meeting.

Leggs

September 16th, 2010
9:58 am

First, why are the donuts within Fred’s reach?

Nothing wrong with exploring the possibility a second time, WD. Timing may have been off the first time.

What would you do if you dated someone a couple weeks and things were not clicking. Do you take that as a sign it’s not working out?

Yes, I take that as a sign…no need to force a relationship to work.

Melo

September 16th, 2010
10:00 am

Good morning!!

It’s never always awkward for u chics. The problem most of u have is u feel way to hawt, even by ur standards and don’t give good guys a chance until the bad boys are done with ur fesh juices. Then u wise up when ur looks are fading.

If only u could learn to please urselves and not your fleet of friends due to peer pressures you would do better!

Hopefully some of you get it before it’s too late.
Learn to go in slow,talk on the phone,explore interests then go out on dates after u get that outta the way.

Stop being attracted to the hit guys, we tend to get you into trouble! :lol:

Melo

September 16th, 2010
10:01 am

I meant hot guys!

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green

September 16th, 2010
10:03 am

If only u could learn to please urselves and not your fleet of friends due to peer pressures you would do better!

@Melo well said!

CoolShadow

September 16th, 2010
10:04 am

How do you know when you aren’t just being a jerk and the “red flags” are real?

With the exception of those clear cut cases, sometimes you can’t fully recognize red flags until time has passed and you can view the situation in retrospect. Until then, you rely on your instincts and perception to guide you on whether a flag is really red. Sometimes you’ll hit, other times you’ll miss. Or you can be perpetually paranoid and summarily dismiss everything as a red flag…

When you have had a great connection with other people, do you compare that experience to everyone you meet after?

I think it’s natural to benchmark our standards based on our best experiences (and what we don’t want from lesser ones) as a measuring stick to conduct ourselves and evaluate experiences from that point forward.

Timing is crucial to our relationships. Sometimes we’ll meet the right people at the wrong time. You meet them again but the timing’s bad for you, great for them. And there are the people that you meet in one phase of your life that interest you then but in another phase they’ve lost whatever luster they had. The fine chick from freshman year that every dude on campus wanted to date may not be so intriguing in your 30s when you realize she’s still fine but her mindset has not changed since then.

kimmie

September 16th, 2010
10:07 am

Morning folks

Swiss, how did you know? STRONG Irish coffee is one of my favorites! Lucky I got in here early before these greedy folks drink it up! Good looking out, Dawg!

On topic – Wise, I am all about trusting those instincts the good Lord gave us. I’ve been in a situation like yours, met up with someone I initially dismissed and we ended up dating awhile. Sounds like the timing could have been off & you guys just didn’t click the first time. So I say see whats up and give it a shot.

Now if your instincts ever tell you to RUN in the other direction, please listen to them. You don’t NEED to explain to anybody anything, you don’t need a REASON. Sometimes you really can’t put your finger on it, but in that instance God is trying to tell you something (like that song from the Color Purple).

Let us know what happens, Wise! This sounds kind of exciting, actually!

Kimmy

September 16th, 2010
10:07 am

All my relationships (not dating) have started with an instant spark of attraction and interest so I have no other point of reference. I have to have that “wow who is that” moment. Once that happens and he has great conversation and a sense of humor it only gets more interesting. Typically if I’m not feeling you from the being I likley never will. But that’s just me.

i'm swiss™

September 16th, 2010
10:08 am

Sorry to do this so early, but totally off topic: this article raises a couple of questions:

1) When did the Brits become such PC pansies? (I’m guessing right around the time the pope announced his visit)

2) How much are CNN’s editors being paid? Because whatever it is, it’s too much…

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2010
10:08 am

Morning Simple Man! I’m doing quite well this morning! How bout you?

i'm swiss™

September 16th, 2010
10:09 am

kimmie — Well, you are a fellow Dawg… Everybody knows we loves us some whiskey;-) :lol:

Dan - simply...

September 16th, 2010
10:10 am

Instincts aside (and I’m an advocate for them generally), when it comes to dealing with people, instincts are reactionary and not very helpeful.

To wit:

If you’re single (as some of us are), using your “instincts” alone has kept you [us] that way, so maybe evolving the selection process would improve outcomes.

Also, using reason is what separates humans from the animal kingdom. Use your God (or appropriate substitute) given reason and attempt to discern elements of the person you’re interest in.

blue - ™

September 16th, 2010
10:15 am

@DD – did you buy him that bottle?
@Leggs – i sent him for cups, i dont know what happened…
@melo – If only u could learn to please urselves and not your fleet of friends due to peer pressures you would do better! i think its partly pressure from friends, but also partly listening to men talk, like yesterday, about how some chick looked when she did/wore whatever we dont do…partly peer pressure partly trying trying to keep up with what it seems the guys are looking for..

Dirty Diana ♠ Going Green

September 16th, 2010
10:20 am

@Blue last night at the PP they gave Fred a case of rum, a case of beer, and a case of Ace of Spades. Fred turned it out–record breaking! When are you coming to see him?

Melo

September 16th, 2010
10:20 am

@blue??

But how are u gon have a red flag over somebody u hardly know? Not even that spark… It may not be there when a stranger says ‘hue, how u doing, my name is so so, what’s yours’
But when u talk and talk talk and talk some more that’s when u say ‘ hmmmmmm’

Ladies, practice that!

Trevor0529

September 16th, 2010
10:22 am

last night at the PP they gave Fred a case of rum, a case of beer, and a case of Ace of Spades

Sigh!! My prediction still holds true. Fred will be dead by December.

I am placing a call to PETA.

kimmie

September 16th, 2010
10:22 am

blue – That’s why I wouldn’t trade where I am in my life and my mindset now for anything in the world. I don’t give a da– what my friends say or what guys want! I do me & either you can roll with me or not.

I love it!

i'm swiss™

September 16th, 2010
10:24 am

More morning reading

“…a number of people know exactly what happened…” — Yeah, and one of those is the ex-wife, guaranteed…

Kym

September 16th, 2010
10:27 am

Good Morning All,

I agree with kimmie and dan..Instinct coupled with reason should be enough to weed out the undesirables. But also like kimmie and others pointed out..it could have just been bad time.

Off Topic but not really..Wisey I had a opportunity to check out blog talk radio last night with your buddies over at VSB. Funny stuff.

Leggs

September 16th, 2010
10:27 am

I definitely agree with you i’m swiss ~ she probably set him up!

blue - ™

September 16th, 2010
10:28 am

@DD – alright, thats it, im calling his sponsor…..
@melo – women are complicated creatures, and sometiems all the talk about becoming cat-ladies gets to some of us…i have seen female friends completely change themselves based on what they interpret as the guys ideal woman…
@Trevor – im fighting for him, but DD, i dont know…
@kimmie – ^5. unfortunatley some women still struggling with that, i will admit i had my spell of it as well….i think it comes with getting older/better :)

SexyCool

September 16th, 2010
10:28 am

ChEEzeter – >>>here<<<

Simple Man!!!!

September 16th, 2010
10:29 am

AmazonRed™

I was doing grest…Bt now that I get to share Blog space with you, I am EVEN BETTER!!! :D :D :D

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2010
10:34 am

Ha ha…thanks Simple Man. :)

Kym

September 16th, 2010
10:36 am

@swiss about the nun ad…the company is Italian. So the ads obviously run in Italy..which if I am not mistaken where Vatican City is located. Besides “the Church” should be use to the jokes by now..I mean goodness. Yeah my Brits are getting too PC..which makes me sad because I love them for their frank vulgarity.

DC Rose

September 16th, 2010
10:37 am

Blue – If Fred’s sponsor wants him relocated for his own protection, you can count on me to keep him safe and “clean”.

AmazonRed™

September 16th, 2010
10:37 am

The problem most of u have is u feel way to hawt, even by ur standards and don’t give good guys a chance until the bad boys are done with ur fesh juices.

:roll: Really now?

kimmie

September 16th, 2010
10:40 am

blue – It does come with age and experience, but other factors can contribute to it as well. My parents, especially my mother, instilled in me a strong sense of self. I don’t compromise my morals or standards to fit in. Never have. And I can’t say that has always been easy either. It’s so much easier to go along with the crowd or fall for what some fine dude is whispering in your ear. I understand the lure and how a lof of folks are not strong enough to resist and fall prey. It’s cost me relationships – but they were ones I could definitely afford to lose. It can be even lonely at times. And I’m by no means perfect. But peace of mind is priceless. I’ve been able to develop some REAL friendships with all kinds of people. And men have never been able to tell me anything & that’s probably why I’m not married yet!LOL!! But the guy I’m seeing now is strong,cool & easy and appreciates me for me and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

I tell kids that are in my care – my nieces & nephews, SO’s kids and neighbors – be a leader, not a follower. It works.

Okay, I’m done with my testimony for the morning! Sorry, just felt inspired to share! :)

Melo

September 16th, 2010
10:40 am

@Swiss?? when drugs are involved, violence and silence is a given. The guy was in financial troubles so I kinda believe the wife.
Why would she want a broke man dead??

@Blue?? 10.28?
which us unfortunate really coz all that cat lasting and fighting to be recognized and be ahead is unnecessary. Good dressing, nice shoe game and a lil fresh smelling plus white set of teeth that ain’t hidden will get a woman real far in the dating game.
Quit that frown angry look.

@Swiss?? Did u see the prosecutor-sexted story on ajc?? That guy must be fired. So wrong!

DC Rose

September 16th, 2010
10:43 am

ARed 10:37 – I thought about that one too. Bad boys are only for play. No one in their right mind would think of them as anything more. I think most have had play moments. But when we’re at that point of considering a life partner, bad boys get kicked aside.

Melo

September 16th, 2010
10:45 am

Cat fighting!

czBrat

September 16th, 2010
10:53 am

HiYas!

listen to the little voice inside you. sometimes you can meet the right person at the wrong time, and that simply makes them the wrong person. meet the same person at the right time, and you’ve got fireworks! key is to be balance within yourself so that you can tune in to that inner voice and recognize the path you’re supposed to take.

Lakeesha

September 16th, 2010
10:54 am

I had blueberry muffins for breakfast. They were so scrumpdillyischious. I’m off to paint my toe nails now.

abc

September 16th, 2010
10:57 am

To a large extent, it’s a matter of making a conscious decision, as opposed to the decision being made for you through chemistry or magic of some kind. Of course, if you don’t ‘click’, i.e., you just don’t have that much fun together, then lack of compatibility should lead you to reason that you don’t want to make such a conscious decision. Further, once you’ve decided to give exclusivity to give the relationship a chance, you’ll consciously decide whether to commit yourself to the relationship.

Having some chemisty or magic helps to make the decision, but reason and rationale are more valuable.

Timeless

September 16th, 2010
11:00 am

If only u could learn to please urselves and not your fleet of friends due to peer pressures you would do better!

– and not be influenced by the media!