accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

How much support do men need?

If you have ever watched HBO’s Entourage, you are familiar with the character, Ari Gold, played by Jeremy Piven.  Ari Gold is a foul-mouthed, raging jerk with a temper that makes you wonder how he has managed to get through the day without a black eye.  Since he is a Hollywood agent, this behavior manages to work for him in business.

In a recent episode, Ari’s wife walked out on him after his trademark public tirades embarrasses her.  Apparently he felt abandoned by his own wife.  She tells him that she refuses to sit by when her husband is acting like a classless idiot.  He says that is the exact moment when a wife should be supportive. (Paraphrasing)

I know loyalty and support is pretty high on a man’s mental list of what he needs from a woman.  When a man does not feel supported he is less likely to trust his partner to be there when he needs him.

So what happens when a man is dead wrong but still wants to be supported? How should a woman handle it? Does she keep her opinions to herself and offer him support and comfort?

How much support should a woman be willing to offer and provide when she does not agree with what he is doing or how he is handling it?

Is it fair to ask for the same loyalty and support from men that they need and want?

Guys, have you ever dated a woman who wasn’t accepting and supportive? Did you let her know that is what you thought about her?

Ladies, do you think women have a hard time supporting men in relationships? What have you learned about being supportive in a relationship? How did your mothers handle it?

537 comments Add your comment

anonymousella

September 14th, 2010
8:15 am

So what happens when a man is dead wrong but still wants to be supported? How should a woman handle it?

you publicly pretend to support him (be silent while he shows his a**, but give empathic looks to whomever he is berating). then when you are in private, you tell him he was a classless idiot; that you signed up to date a grown man, not a petulant child; that he bet’. not. embarrass himself or you like that again or you will give him a child-appropriate punishment and not take him out with you in public.

Dan - simply...

September 14th, 2010
8:18 am

Good Morning,

“Guys, have you ever dated a woman who wasn’t accepting and supportive? Did you let her know that is what you thought about her?”

Not for long

“So what happens when a man is dead wrong but still wants to be supported? How should a woman handle it? Does she keep her opinions to herself and offer him support and comfort?”

Tell him that he is wrong quietly but forcefully. If you’re in a partnership, a woman should feel comfortable offering her opinion.

Dan - simply...

September 14th, 2010
8:25 am

@Anon

Welcome back, long time no see, and I hope you’re planning on delivering that line bucknekked with beer in one hand and a remote in the other….becuase I really don’t see that working too tough.

2CPTG©

September 14th, 2010
8:34 am

g’morning….

I concur (somewhat) with Anon….don’t act a fool with him, but let him know when you’re alone, that that kinda nonsense won’t be tolerated – and that goes both ways; you show a united front, but behind closed doors you get some “straightening!”

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
8:41 am

Hola!

Dang I was hoping to be first! Oh well.

So what happens when a man is dead wrong but still wants to be supported?
Just tell him you can love him without supporting his bad behavior. Let him know you think he is a good person, but you could not stand up and act a fool with him. End it with, shoot “I had to stay calm because somebody needs to be free in case you needed a bail out from Rice Street.”

How should a woman handle it? please note answer listed above :grin:

Does she keep her opinions to herself and offer him support and comfort? She should talk to him about it, and let him know she is ok with him expressing himself, but he shows all the way out and repeat a few lines for him. If he has cooled off he will see her point…at least a little I hope.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 14th, 2010
8:45 am

lol @ anonymousella

September 14th, 2010
8:15 am
bet’. not. embarrass himself or you like that again

I think that overall was a good answer. That seems to make sense.

Dan - simply...

September 14th, 2010
8:45 am

@DD

That’s a more measured response than I’d expect from you…here, here

Jeff

September 14th, 2010
8:47 am

Given that it is socially acceptable for women to insult men in public, a woman who is embarrassed by her man saying something a**-like isn’t going to get much pity from me. We dont really have a culture that is polite anymore, so it makes sense that people don’t filter what they say.

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
8:47 am

IMO, this topic goes both ways. I have some male friends that cringe when it is time to go to their SO’s family reunions, social parties etc., because there is always that one person their SO cannot stand and words “pop off.” At the end of the day, you might need to give the momma or daddy speech, “YOU KNOW SO AND SO WILL BE THERE, PLEASE DON’T GO THEIR SHOWING YOUR AZZ AND GIVING THOSE FOLKS A SHOW AND SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. JUST STAY COOL AND IF THINGS START HEADING DOWN HILL WE WILL JUST LEAVE EARLY…I DON’T WANT YOU GETTING ALL WORKED UP. :grin:

SlimNumeroUno

September 14th, 2010
8:48 am

Good morning,

I Need some more Zzzz’s…Um, sounds like you folks have gotten the answer to that question pretty summed up.

Simple Man!!!!

September 14th, 2010
8:48 am

Morning Peeps!!!

Its simple….If we are down..then we are down regardless…. If I get sideways…have my back, and when there will be plenty of time for a lady to let her man know he was out of pocket. Now by the same token, A guy can’t expect his misses to be with him if he can’t control himself… So he needs to keep an eye out for how his behavior is playing with her and she needs to trust that if he is sideways, there is a valid reason….

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
8:49 am

Dan,

You don’t know me, and you are like a lot fools on here jumped on a bandwagon without even knowing what you are involved in. There is no need for you to try to “expect” a certain behavior from me. Simply put we do not know each other. I would kindly request that you continue being a cheerleader for the team you chose.

LeeH1

September 14th, 2010
8:49 am

Simple. Just date a gentleman. They will sometimes act like an idiot, but not often.

As for other people, male or female, who can’t act properly in public: “The instruction of fools is folly.”- Proverbs.

blue - ½ -n- ½

September 14th, 2010
8:51 am

GM all

i like the way Anon put it “then when you are in private, you tell him he was a classless idiot; that you signed up to date a grown man, not a petulant child; that he bet’. not. embarrass himself or you like that again or you will give him a child-appropriate punishment and not take him out with you in public.”

@Dan – i hear ya that he aint gona like that line, but really really, too bad, cause he shouldnt been showing his @ss…folks who trip out imo really have no room to complain when they get called on it….

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
8:51 am

So he needs to keep an eye out for how his behavior is playing with her and she needs to trust that if he is sideways, there is a valid reason….

@Simple Man you said it best, he really needs to check himself and his behavior. And, if there is a reason he became heated hopefully he is at the point that he will communicate that privy information to his SO. It will allow her to know that she is not dealing with a mad man. Disclosure is key.

Dan - simply...

September 14th, 2010
8:54 am

@DD

No disrepect intended, in fact it was an attempt to compliment you on your response.

You are correct, I do not know you. And perhaps it was presumptuous of me to extrapolate something about your personality from your previous posts. For all that I apologize.

But, to be clear, Dan doesn’t do “bandwagons” I have now and always driven my own bus.

Again, my apologies

AmazonRed™

September 14th, 2010
8:57 am

Morning all –

It’s funny how a guy can disrespect you in public and then expect for you to sit there and take it. Yes, I might not act the fool in public, but you can best believe his ass will be checked at the first private opportunity complete with a pillow for the couch.

A man who will disrespect you in public is a man who doesn’t respect who you are at all. Make excuses if you want to. He’d wouldn’t be my man for long.

Leggs

September 14th, 2010
8:59 am

Good morning everyone!

Support your man publicly and let him have it when you get home. Talk to him about his behavior in public and how he represents you as well. Nobody wants to be associated with an idiot!

D Dub of the MSP (formerly D Dub of the ATL)

September 14th, 2010
8:59 am

Two things, plain and simple:

1. Don’t air your dirty laundry out in public. Get through the situation in public and get home to do the debrief.
2. As a man, if my SO doesn’t support me, how in the $%^*$% do you expect me to support you?

*Sidenote – Expectations of support need to be clearly conveyed by both parties in order for this to work in the first place.

Simple Man!!!!

September 14th, 2010
9:01 am

Ared…How are you this morning??? And for the record…I would never handle you rough under any circumstance!!! (But somtimes I kinda like that!!! :D :D ) LOL

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
9:06 am

I wanted to touch on these questions as well:

What have you learned about being supportive in a relationship? When I think of being supportive in a relationship (friendships included) I feel like you should motivate and speak life in that person’s plans. I feel like being supportive is assisting that person through obtaining goals i.e going back to school, getting a promotion at work, maybe working on social skills. Overall you are trying to enhance that person and be a firm force that make their lives better, and not some fickle friend only in for the good times. Let’s be clear being supportive is not being a fool, and if you cannot give that person good, sound feedback you are not being supportive. I don’t mingle or be friends with folks that I cannot support. I am either hot or cold, nothing more…nothing less.

How did your mothers handle it? My daddy was an amazing man and he never showed his behind in public. Now he was the “man of the house,” and we were under excellent leadership, however he did not run around showing out being pie he took care of us and home. He wasn’t some loud mouth saying nothing, so my mom supported him in a traditional sense i.e. dinner was on the table, the house stayed clean, she supported him when he was working hard to provide for the family.

Chink

September 14th, 2010
9:06 am

Morning

I don’t know what it is but just because two people are in a relationship dosen’t mean someone automatically has to become the child. If you were by yourself I would “think” being an adult is paramount since it comes with “responsibility” for your actions.

I will support behavior that is acceptable there is no way I can respect a man who all of sudden forgets he is a man and should carry himself as such.

If you want to go all crazy do that on your single time but if we trying to do something together than make sure you are coming correct!

SlimNumeroUno

September 14th, 2010
9:10 am

My are we getting off to a bad start already or is there some residual bitterness from yesterday? Jeesh…it’s just a blog.

Anyway, I can’t say that i’ve ever even dated a really hot headed dude that acted ‘like and azz’ in public when it was unwarranted. However, there have been times when I was sort of getting into it over the phone with an SO (him being in front of his friends or whatever) and he tries to get snippy with me. The way i handled those times was tell him to stop trying to front for his friends or show out for them. That usually got him to maintain low tone ;-) But for the most part, it’s not about what you say as much as it’s about HOW you say it especially when it comes to constructive (or heyal, destructive in some cases) criticism

blue - ½ -n- ½

September 14th, 2010
9:12 am

@DD- agreed, that the idea of support would cover friendships as well. “assisting that person through obtaining goals ” and as Leggs and I were talking yesterday with my house purchase, sometimes its a matter of telling them what htey need to hear not what they want to hear. to me, being supportive in romantic or other setting is having that persons back enough to be realistic about the situation or their behaviour in it…

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
9:16 am

@blue I feel people carve out how they want to handle relationships, but at the end of the day I handle them both the same by that I mean their are core principles that are intact for both.

Fred won “Amateur Night” last night I know you are proud of him!

Mr. Moe

September 14th, 2010
9:19 am

GM folks

I’m new here but for me DD stated it best, disclosure is key, but its a double edged sword. I’m an even keeled, nonchalant guy so if I get to as Boondocks would say, a “n199@ moment”, then I want that to be known up front…now if she’s actually supportive and agrees, then thats going to create a “n199@ synthesis”…and a n199@ synthesis + n199@ moment= complete disaster….thats not what you want.

Trevor0529

September 14th, 2010
9:22 am

Good morning everyone,

Just wanted to say that. I have a busy day today so I will be lurking.

Fred won “Amateur Night” last night I know you are proud of him!

@DD, where did Fred win “Amateur Night”? At the Pink Pony?? :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
9:24 am

@Trevor that is too funny. I love it Fred dancing at the Pink Pony!!! :grin:

blue - ½ -n- ½

September 14th, 2010
9:31 am

@Mr. Moe – that bit on boondocks was hilarious, but ohh so accurate…and yes, hard to maintain a relationship if yall are turning out complete disaster everytime yall are together…

@DD/Trevor – just a shame, gone from doing pony rides at kid parties to the pink pony…but then again Fred does owe me some cash…rehab was not cheap…..

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
9:37 am

@blue he is giving rides and doing a pole dancing number. I heard he was going to produce a derby winner with all the rides…let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Derby

September 14th, 2010
9:40 am

I have been in a setting where my mate has embarrassed the _____ out of me. I did not check him publicly. Like someone else has already said, we both can’t be sitting in the cell downtown :-)

I kept a smile on my face until we got home, can’t argue while driving either….. too dangerous.

We got home and I blasted him….

I would never blast him in public because instead of just him looking like an *ss, we both would. Can’t have that. I believe he appreciates it.

I am whatever you say I am

September 14th, 2010
9:45 am

This has always been my stand on support

I will have your back in public but behind closed doors I will tell you that you are wrong if you really were in the wrong.

Dan - simply...

September 14th, 2010
9:45 am

For clarification:

The episode referenced had Ari emabarassing his wife via his behavior (toward another woman/women in general), not an attempt to embarass her publicly (per se).

For the former case, I stand by my assessment; in the latter….well that should never happen.

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
9:46 am

Like someone else has already said, we both can’t be sitting in the cell downtown

exactly

SlimNumeroUno

September 14th, 2010
9:46 am

How does that saying go?…’Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference’ lol

I am whatever you say I am

September 14th, 2010
9:46 am

Oh Good-morning

Please pray for me today, My boss is back to micromanaging and controlling.
don’t know how much more of this I can take. I feel like if she messes up my day, I might have to ruin her night.

AmazonRed™

September 14th, 2010
9:47 am

Ared…How are you this morning??? And for the record…I would never handle you rough under any circumstance!!!

Simple Man – In private, you can handle me however you want! ;)

Purple Rain

September 14th, 2010
9:48 am

Never argue in public, ever. I tend to keep my cool most of the time and if I have to show my mean side, either she knows me well enough to see it building and will somehow use her “special woman powers” to remove me form the situation or if I am to far gone. I give her a look to walk away I am about to handle my business, and in that case she stands off to the side. I can not imagine a situation in which she would not be supportive, we don’t argue in public nor do we involve family, we work whatever out on our own. The most we might do is leave the public area, and take some sarcastic shots in the car on the way home…then once we are home she lets me have it. if I am wrong I will admit it in the two or so days…lol…if she is wrong she will start flirting and acting really goofy and silly. We both are stubborn and won’t hardly ever admit to being wrong but we understand each others way of apologizing and move on. But neing supportive, that falls into yesterday’s core values statement. Know who you are in a relationship with before you go to far and end up in a situation in which support is a question. If your mate becomes non supportive I am sure that there are other issues at hand as well. Once again, A man arguing with a woman is Gay. Say what you have to say or don’t say it. But to go back and forth with a woman..why? Is she challenging your manhood? The answer is a woman can’t challenge a man’s manhood.

truth

September 14th, 2010
9:48 am

When a woman acts like that I kick her @$$ to the curb and get a new one. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

Kym-Dirty Bird can't fly with a broken wing

September 14th, 2010
9:52 am

Good Morning All,

I have to agree with the previous response..no need to set him straight in the public, but behind close doors or at any given private moment, let him know that his behavior was embarrassing and unnecessary. After many blogs we can all agree that men have very sensitive egos and they have to be handled with care. But wrong is wrong. Also I can love any man to death but wrong is wrong. I can only support you so far so if a guy is going around robbing, killing, then the support stops there for me. There has to be a limit to being supportive.

I am whatever you say I am

September 14th, 2010
9:53 am

“…But to go back and forth with a woman..why? Is she challenging your manhood?……”

I don’t like to argue with my man. If he did something wrong, I’ll address it behind closed doors but I’m not going to have an all drag out fight about it. Nor do I have to be right all the time.
At some point, you have to agree to disagree.

I think the mistake that a lot of women make is that they have to be right all the time! It doesn’t work that way.
It’s like some women have to be the man in the relationship. That ain’t cool either.

you have to treat your man right and act accordingly or you will be replaced.

I am whatever you say I am

September 14th, 2010
9:53 am

^ above statement refers to when I’m in a relationship.

abc

September 14th, 2010
9:55 am

Here’s the deal, and all men know it: she could walk away at any time. This is simply a female fact.

The relationship might be the greatest, and the man have no idea it’s even coming; the woman may not even see it coming. But any woman, at pretty much any given time, is fully capable of, and will, walk away. Men don’t really expect it to be any different. Why do you think we go out of our way to not rile you up? That is, if we want to keep you. Otherwise, pfft, go ahead and talk a walk, right?

So, issues of so-called support are moot. A man doesn’t require support, moral, financial, or otherwise. Just don’t be a terrible hindrance, and we’ll call that support.

Leggs

September 14th, 2010
9:55 am

“…can’t argue while driving either….. too dangerous.”

This has been my motto my entire life. I’ve seen many fights take place in a car…scary!

Simple Man!!!!

September 14th, 2010
10:01 am

AmazonRed™

September 14th, 2010
9:47 am

“Simple Man – In private, you can handle me however you want!”

BE STILL MY FOOLISH HEART !!!! :d :d :d

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
10:01 am

Purp check your email.

Melo

September 14th, 2010
10:04 am

Dang!

It’s like a Creflor Dolla$$ church choir in key this mornig on the blog.
Nobody sunging off key. :lol:

What if a woman acts up in public?
Don’t they say “he’ll hath no fury like a woman scorned”
See, Shakespeare knew that men don’t ordinarily act a fool in public.
Give that to a woman, especially when her flow is falling, acting like she’s got sharp hones on her forehead!

:lol: :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
10:05 am

As Purple stated I always felt a man fussing with a woman was a pie move. You can disagree without all the extra when you are in a relationship.

Purple Rain

September 14th, 2010
10:05 am

I am, what are you wearing?

Diana, okay.

Dirty Diana ♠

September 14th, 2010
10:06 am

It’s like a Creflor Dolla$$ church choir in key this mornig on the blog.
Nobody sunging off key.

@MELO the choir is not on key it was going good until 9:52 and the first tenor monkey showed up. I guess she is waiting for the second one. :grin: