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Can money buy love?

If money can buy happiness (to a point), how much love can it get for us?   I am being only slightly facetious but as I read the article I had to wonder about our love of money.  If our sense of self-satisfaction is heavily influenced by our income and wealth, what happens when love is another commodity we try to buy?

If we need money to feel happy, does that impact our relationships too?

If couples didn’t fight and split up over money would they fight about something else?  I think a lot of times finding someone who has the same attitude about money can be challenging.  Just bringing up the topic of prenuptial agreements is enough to derail a relationship.

Would you ever ask your partner to sign a pre-nup?  How would you feel if you were asked to sign one? If a couple wants to have a prenuptial agreement, does that mean the couple is doomed?

497 comments Add your comment

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
8:54 am

I don’t think money can buy love…. but for the guy that never got any play while broke, I’m sure he’s in love with all the action he’s getting :-D

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
8:55 am

I have often wondered though, how many exes would take me back if I won the lotto.
Please believe I would have them sign a prenup- I ain’t stupid

Kym

September 8th, 2010
8:57 am

Good Morning All,

I think money can rent love but it can’t buy it. Just because someone meets the so called 75k point of happiness..doesn’t mean they are happy. We see and here it everyday how the conquest of money can get people all the things in the world and they are still left a empty broken shell at the end of the day. Because that need for peace within can’t be satisfied with material things. But I digress. If couples didn’t fight over money then yes they would fight over something else. Conflict is natural..if not money then sex, if not sex, then the choice for cereal in the mornings. As for the pre-nup sure I would sign it whateva, but I am not incline to hitch up and marry someone who is thinking more about what they will need to do to get rid of me than putting in the work in order to make our marriage work. And no I don’t think a prenuptial agreement is the kiss of death for a marriage.

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
9:01 am

“….And no I don’t think a prenuptial agreement is the kiss of death for a marriage….”

Amen! when more than 1/2 of marriages result in divorce, you still have to protect yourself in the event it may not work.

Kym

September 8th, 2010
9:09 am

@I am..more inclined to think that, I like the rest of the middle class,..one paycheck from homeless..I don’t have much to work so hard to protect, other than my heart. But if I were to run up on and marry a multi-millionaire. Then yes I can understand his need to protect what he has. But again I am not running in circles like that.

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
9:12 am

Hola!

First of all I hope all the haters that did not understand my 60K/75K/100K theory understands it now. There is nothing worst than trying to date and have a relationship when the funds are low. In fact it leads to problems.

Would you ever ask your partner to sign a pre-nup? HELL YEAH!How would you feel if you were asked to sign one? I WOULD FEEL GREAT!!! If a couple wants to have a prenuptial agreement, does that mean the couple is doomed? HELL NAWL, THEY ARE REALISTIC

:grin:

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
9:13 am

Kym, you never know what could happen.
You could trip, fall, and land on a millionaire tomorrow
:-D

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
9:14 am

“….does that mean the couple is doomed? HELL NAWL, THEY ARE REALISTIC…”"

Preach sista!

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
9:17 am

The things I need to protect:

a home
my land
three cars
two 401k accounts
mutual funds
investments
small business
and a few other things that will remain nameless
yep in the words Kanye If you ant no punk holla we want prenup
WE WANT PRENUP! Yeah
It’s something that you need to have
‘Cause when she he leave yo ass she gone leave with half

Kym

September 8th, 2010
9:17 am

@I am..that is true. Stranger things have happen.

abc

September 8th, 2010
9:28 am

I disagree that ‘conflict is natural’, and that a couple is bound to fight about something, anything. I’ve known chicks like that. I dumped them after awhile, it’s not worth the hassle. A woman that isn’t driven by a need for conflict is golden.

Women want security, and that includes financial security. If you’re broke, they can love you all you and they would want, but chances are they won’t be with you. Women need to feel secure in their relationship too, they can’t feel as though you’d cheat on them. Once they have those things, it’s nice if they can temper their bossiness just a little bit.

Prenups create a mine-yours scenario. That’s a mistake. If it’s not ours, and the interest isn’t in being ours, then your relationship is likely to be doomed. If you’re not willing to risk your material wealth, then don’t marry them.

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
9:29 am

If couples didn’t fight and split up over money would they fight about something else?

IMO they would still have a little conflict, but problems over money leads to other things quickly. Money brings options and alternatives. The couple that is fighting over how to spend the 5K tax refund would not have the power struggles and passive aggressive behavior for the most part. And, that couple that saved 4K to go on a vacation would not have those fights over where to go; he wants to go to Miami and she wants to go to NY :arrow: there is enough money to do both. So most problems and symptoms of problems are solved when you have a little change in your pockets.

It is kinda like the lady saying I want some seafood, and dude bringing her some Captain D’s and she wanted Legal Seafood or Atlanta Fish Market. Money brings better options.

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
9:32 am

If you’re not willing to risk your material wealth, then don’t marry them.

:arrow: I’ve busted my azz at times, and I am not sharing or giving away things that I achieved on my own, before meeting this new person. In fact, if the marriage fails why would he want to take things that he never contributed to and likewise. If I married today I do not have a problem with a guy protecting assets he build on his own. I would like to think that we are smart enough, wise enough and strong enough together to build more and gain more together.

Kym

September 8th, 2010
9:33 am

@abc..I know in your Donna Reid-Leave it to Beaver world no one fights. But people are not always going to agree. Having differences of opinion on issues is natural. We are not made to all be the same, think the same, or believe the same. Couples who have been married 50 plus years have found something to disagree on, from what’s for dinner, to should little Johnny play t-ball.

Raqi

September 8th, 2010
9:33 am

Money cannot buy love. A person is going to love you or they are not. Money for some may give them the motivation to tolerate you, but make someone love you? Nope. It can’t. And money cannot buy happiness. Happiness is a state of mind.

Many couples fight because of money issues because as you stated they are not on the same plane. But I do believe too that sometimes fighting over money is just the easy thing to do. Some couples really aren’t meant to be together so if it wasn’t the money that is tearing them apart it would be something else.

My brother is getting married and my sister asked him whether he and his soon to be would be signing a prenup and he said no. She is a pediatric surgeon and he is an accountant, yet he says that in all the“wealth” that he and she have accumulated over the years it’s not enough to go thru the trouble of trying to protect it from the other. Neither of them are multi-millionaires. But he says what is even more important is they are not preparing for the breakup before the nuptials are even stated. He says it shows distrust and he would not be marrying a woman he does not trust.

My husband agreed with him. He said having a prenup for him is saying it’s not a matter of if a divorce happens but moreso already saying when it happens. For him divorce is not an option. For me divorce is not an option. We both agree that when you remove the option in the beginning it’s less likely to be considered down the line. Our only options are which path or solution we will choose to take to get pass whatever hiccups arise in our marriage.

That’s just the train of thought we choose to take.

Kym I agree. When your life is not bumping shoulders with the multimillionaires prenup are something that doesn’t even get thought about.

And for me to say that we should have one based on the facts that I have a 98% chance of winning the lottery is pretty much saying that I don’t want to share it with you. The person I chose to marrying, I don’t love you enough to share my lottery winnings with you. LOL That’s funny. Heck if I need to sign a prenup based on that I am with the wrong person.

blue - Free Agent

September 8th, 2010
9:36 am

GM All,

can money buy love? hmmm, not love, no. but sure does make things more confortable! the amount of money tho is always an issue…if theres too little, the couple stress’s/argues about that, if theres enough – things are fairly calm on the finance front, but imo will argue over something else, if theres a lot the arguement becomes who brought what in, whos entitled to what because of what they contribute. finances imo can be a hard road to hit a balance on. and yes, as we are human and no two of us are exactly alike, if it werent finances there would be something else along the way to disagree over, simply because we will have differences of opinion/likes/priorities…doesnt necessarily mean we like to fight, its a natrual occurance between 2 people who spend enough time together – cant expect everything to be all sunshine and roses 100% of the time.
prenup – id sign one, and no dont consider the discussion of a prenup to doom the marriage. if i had stuff worth protecting, id want to protect it, and if he had stuff worth protecting would seem to me him being cautious. now admitedly, my gut reaction may be a “WTF” but once emotion subsided and came time to pick up the pen, well there it is….

Luvbug

September 8th, 2010
9:37 am

IMO, pre-nups, separate accounts and such suggests ‘I don’t completely trust you’. Why marry a person you don’t completely trust??

But if any part of the marriage is about something other than love (business, money, just having someone there whom you find attractive, status, etc), a pre-nup shouldn’t be a big deal.

“Stuff is so in your face it’s hard to be happy. It interferes with your enjoyment.”

This concept goes lost on people who were’nt raised to be materialist, consumption-competitive megalomaniacs

Yes, money matters, but it cannot buy love.

Raqi

September 8th, 2010
9:38 am

abc conflict is natural based solely on the fact that there are two different personalities at play. When you have two people raised in separate households with just a mere slightly difference in upbringings conflicts will arise. Heck my siblings and I argue at times so you know two people coming into a relationship from different corners of the street are going to have differences.
Even if it’s not even a “fight” per say just disagreeing on where you want to vacation is a conflict. It’s not a matter of whether or not conflicts will arise, because they will, be rather a matter of how you choose to deal with them.

abc

September 8th, 2010
9:39 am

Disagreement doesn’t have to bring conflict. I can disagree about most anything with anyone, and it doesn’t mean that I have to argue about it. Likewise, my girl and I disagree about some things, but they aren’t a basis for contention. We simply accept each other as we are, and easily reach agreement about that on which we differ.

Inability to quickly and easily resolve differences without contention is a character flaw, in my view. Plainly, to argue and fight is destructive, and doesn’t really solve anything.

Leggs

September 8th, 2010
9:40 am

Good morning…I agree, it can’t buy love, but it sure as heck can rent it. For those that find happiness in what money can buy are truly missing the joys of life. Most things that brings happiness can’t be bought!

Raqi

September 8th, 2010
9:40 am

Luvbug, I agree. When you are so busy trying to keep something from the person you marry and say you love how can you be possibly giving your all to the relationship?

(now let me go share some of my wealth of love in a motherly fashion and see what this little one is getting into)

Raqi

September 8th, 2010
9:42 am

Leggs, I don’t even agree that money can even rent love. It can rent and buy you attention but not love.

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
9:45 am

Kills me when folks without assets are screaming that their soon to be spouse must sign a prenup or they won’t get married.
LOL

Luvbug

September 8th, 2010
9:47 am

…another interesting concept I’ve never considered…

I’m not trying to change the subject, but if I don’t post it now, I will probably forget to.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/07/do-daughters-cause-divorce/

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
9:47 am

When I was young, I was involved with someone seriously and we were thinking about marriage. He had assets and wanted me to sign a prenup.
I was insulted and thought that if we get engaged, no way am I doing that.

Now that I am older, I completely understand and nor will I be insulted if the one I’m betrothed to (one day in the future) should ask

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
9:49 am

Interesting data luvbug. Very interesting indeed.

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
9:50 am

I guess, I am realistic and do not live in Candyland, but for the sake of conversation I would like to know this: How many people you know have given their all in numerous relationships? Do you feel these people shared their wealth and gave it to their partners? Are they broke now?

I think prenups, money and all of that other good ol’ days way of thinking went out the window a long time ago. Sort of like the era when couples married at 14 and both were virgins, or the only partner the other one had been with. Society has changed, folks are getting married much older now and most are bringing more to the table than a hope chest and a new slip or trousers. Show me the virgin couple, with meager belongings and I will say no prenup for them, but for these folks that have been scrubbing the ground, shacking, working hard and accumulating things on their own get the prenup.

Raqi

September 8th, 2010
9:52 am

Luvbug, that’s because females by nature are manipulative little witches at a very early age. LOL Just Kidding but only a little.

Kym

September 8th, 2010
9:53 am

I said it before and I will say it again. Material stuff can be replaced. I can get another home, car, and other stuff etc.. But peace of mind is priceless and before I jump the broom..or boogie down the aisle to bliss..I want peace of mind more than anything else. Peace of mind that if times get tough this dude waiting at the end is not going to run home to his mama, or dive head first into a bottle of Crown Royal because things get shaky.

M. (pronouced M dot)

September 8th, 2010
9:54 am

Hello…Good morning….

I dont think money impacts dating really. I am just dating you therefore as long as I can sustain my lifestyle and still date you, you should not worry about how much I make.

I think in the last few years with the influx of divorces, I think you are seeing more prenups because people dont want to see their hard work go to waste. Yeah everyone is all luvy duby now but where is the love when you sitting across from her and her lawyer and they about to take you to the cleaners?

People are getting divorced faster than ever. I know a few people on their 2nd and almost 3rd marriages.

Also, I think prenups are good because they get rid of the cheaper to keep her mentality (in some cases cheaper to keep him) because you are not forced to stick with someone you really are not happy with. If you arent happy you can leave and be confident that you wont have to lose alot financially.

If I was asked to sign a prenup that is fine with me. Also prenups are good with estate planning in the event of death. This will prevent you from fighting with your spouses family also.

Kym

September 8th, 2010
9:56 am

And peace of mind that 4 years down the line..I am not going to wind up on that show..”Who the (bleep) did you marry? Cause ole dude is wanted by the Feds Dead or Alive.

Leggs

September 8th, 2010
9:58 am

Agreed, Raqi…it can rent attention masked in admiration/love/respect.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 8th, 2010
9:59 am

I wouldn’t mind signing a prenuptial agreement as long as he puts in a clause that says if significant evidence has been brought forward that would conclude to his infidelity it is null and void. :D

It's me....lurker

September 8th, 2010
9:59 am

Money can only buy tangibles.

YESSHEISCUTE

September 8th, 2010
10:00 am

Oh also that he supports my children until they finish their higher education (college/university). :)

YESSHEISCUTE

September 8th, 2010
10:00 am

Money can’t buy happiness but I’d be more comfortable crying in a Maserati.

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
10:00 am

Also prenups are good with estate planning in the event of death. This will prevent you from fighting with your spouses family also.

Great point M.dot

@Luvbug good article.

@ I am that 9:45 is on point!

It's me....lurker

September 8th, 2010
10:01 am

Most everything purchased with money depreciates…if you can be bought at some point your value will plummet.

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
10:04 am

Money can’t buy happiness but I’d be more comfortable crying in a Maserati.

A standing ovation for that one YESSHEISCUTE!!!!! Even Tiger’s ex said the money made her life easier with the divorce being able to fly her family here, travel etc. If I had to divorce police officer making 52K per year, or CEO making 52 million a year…give me the CEO

blue - Free Agent

September 8th, 2010
10:04 am

@I am – folks w/o assets screaming prenup – yeah, thats just silly to me. that scenario is what says to me your not in it with your all, that your planning your way out. cause if you aint got shyt, no signs of getting any more shyt than you already have, no need for us to be preparing your exit strategy. if you are already coming to the table loaded, just seems like being prepared. i mean really, how did you get what you have in the first place? at least in part by being realistic about the world we live in, its possible pitfalls, and preparing accordingly. so why should being prepared for marriage be any different?
@M. – prenups are good because they get rid of the cheaper to keep her mentality (in some cases cheaper to keep him) – interesting perspective. cause really, most have seen at least one relationship that stays together purely because of this principle. both are miserable, yet dont want to part with x,y, or z.

Purple Rain (S&L Member #1)

September 8th, 2010
10:06 am

Like I said yesterday “money can’t buy you love, but it sure can increase your bargaining position. I see nothing at all wrong with a pre-nup. Why are you scared to sign one, because you know you shouldn’t be getting married in the first place to that particular person and don’t want to lose out on your lifes hardwork? Or why did you sign one, because you know you won’t be with that person forever? Two sides to that coin. I believe people should split what they build together, but what you had before you got together that affects your well being after a divorce should be kept by the originators. Better yet marry someone on your level so that it’s not an issues. Someone in the same salary bracket give or take 15k, someone who has the same ideas on savings and retirement, someone who is like you…which should be noticed while dating and then I don’t see a pre-nup as a problem…And Yes we do

Simple Man!!!!

September 8th, 2010
10:07 am

Mornign All!!!! blue…Still working to handle that Free Agent thing… :)

On topic…Money won’t buy happiness, but It sure makes it easier to find!! I am proud of my personal accomplishments and would be willing to do what was needed to protect them but I would be more inclined to stop dealing with a person that would not sign a pre-nup. The willingness to do so might be enough to eliminate the need…..

Mike P

September 8th, 2010
10:11 am

Good Morning MIA Blog :-)

Here’s my opinion on today’s topic:

All that I’ve worked for over the years all on my own is mine and mine alone. If I married someone, she would be granted a privilege to enjoy what I bring to the table, but if we’d split up, she’d lose that privilege, plain and simple; she doesn’t have the right or entitled to anything I accumulated over the years before I met her. Anything I/we earn and accumulated while being married would be split fairly. The only way to ensure this is by a prenuptial agreement.

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
10:12 am

Blue Free: I guess they look at it as there is no way in hell they are partying with crusty socks, ant farm, bazooka joe comics, or anything else of non-value

Sup Diana!

Sassy Me...I'm All In :-)

September 8th, 2010
10:14 am

Money can’t buy happiness but I’d be more comfortable crying in a Maserati

:lol:

You and me both yessheis

Dianaaaaaaaaaaaaa how are youuu?!

Mike P

September 8th, 2010
10:15 am

For most people I personally know; money has the power to buy love and happiness. Sorry but I have to agree with them; I’ve seen it all to many times and have personally experienced the lost love simply because I didn’t have the means at the time.

Lady

September 8th, 2010
10:15 am

Mike P great post! I feel the same way!

hey crew!

DD what is up chica!?!

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
10:16 am

crusty socks, ant farm, bazooka joe comics, or anything else of non-value

well damn…LOL

Mike P that 10:11 is dead on the money.

I am whatever you say I am (put up the middle finger and the index follow...I'm saying deuces!"

September 8th, 2010
10:16 am

Money can’t buy happiness but I’d be more comfortable crying in a Maserati

I concur!!!!

Dirty Diana ♠ Here and Now!

September 8th, 2010
10:17 am

@Sassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssy, I am good trying to get some things moving on my end. LOL

@Lady, what is shaking on your end? All is well over here…I am counting down to my lunchbreak..LOL