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Archive for September, 2010

Recovering from dating mistakes

A reader emailed me because she is in a bit of  pickle with her new guy.  This weekend he caught her going through his cell phone.  She claims her curiosity got the best of her because he is one of those “heavy texters” and she wanted to know if any of them were dirty texts with other women.

This is one of those awkward situations that is really tough to recover from.  Most men don’t want to think you are an insecure woman who has trust issues.  Even if this is the actual truth, you just can’t convince them you won’t let it be an ongoing problem after you have shown this side of you.

Have you ever made a really stupid mistake with someone in the “honeymoon phase” of a new dating relationship?  Were you able to dial it back and make things better?

How forgiving should we be when someone has shown bad judgment?

What is the best way to show someone that your one slip-up shouldn’t be the deal breaker that torpedoes your chances with …

Continue reading Recovering from dating mistakes »

Do single men feel pressure to marry?

I was lamenting with a friend of mine about no longer being eligible to donate my eggs to infertile couples.   For some random reason this bummed me out!  Normal single women have biological clocks that inch them towards marriage.  Yours truly? I want to cling to the option of donating eggs. I know, I’ve always been a little strange, but I digress.

My friend consoled me by saying I may not be the perfect candidate to donate eggs but I would still make a great wife.  He said that as a man, even with the option to have children at a later age, he has felt pressure to become a husband.

Awesome compliment aside (thanks Greg!),  what he said me wonder about pressure single men have about relationships and  marriage.   Is it the same kind of pressure society places on women (and our ovaries!) and how do men handle it?

When men see their friends and peers getting married, do they get the feeling as if they are being left behind?

Ladies, do you think that a man past a certain …

Continue reading Do single men feel pressure to marry? »

Is dating a competitive sport?

If dating is really a game, then how competitive sport does the dating scene get for single people? When you observe an event with the female-male ratio is 3 to 1, the dynamics are quite interesting. The women kick it up a notch to get the attention of men while the men sit back and wait for the women to do the heavy lifting.

Do you think dating in Atlanta takes on this same dynamic? When we talked about women a approaching a man yesterday, I thought about how competition comes into play. Does competition hurt or help us?

When you want to stand out and compete with other singles for “the most wanted” people, do you think things like paying for dates, offering up strings-free sex, etc. become the new rules of engagement?

Continue reading Is dating a competitive sport? »

Why aren’t more women approaching men?

I hope your weekend was wonderful and fun!  I was in the Big Easy hanging out and mingling with cool people.   I saw a lot of interesting things this weekend while hanging out in New Orleans.  I love the energy of the city and the people are so much fun.  

I noticed that women seem to approach men a lot more than in Atlanta!  I have to say there were a couple of guys that caught my eye and approaching them didn’t seem like a bad idea.  What is it about going to a different city and meeting people that seems easier than at home?

When men get approached by women, it seems to be a huge ego boost and I believe it is rare when a guy flat out turns her down.   I am sure it happens but once a lady gives an inkling that she is interested, she opens the door for the man to reciprocate interest.

What is the best way to approach a guy, though?  I have seen some women come on way too strong and when they sense the guy is turned off, they keep pursuing.  Are women slow to …

Continue reading Why aren’t more women approaching men? »

First Loves

Facebook has managed to reconnect me with my college boyfriend.  Ahh the memories of all the firsts we shared.  He’s actually still single and living in New Jersey! We exchanged phone numbers and it is cool to see that he is doing well.

There is always a special place in your heart for the first love.  They teach you so much and in some cases, they are the measuring stick by which all future loves are measured.  Do you have a first love that you would like to catch up to?

What would you want to find out?

Do you remember your first love?  Do you think they set the course of your romantic life? If so, in a good way or a bad one?

Happy Friday!

Continue reading First Loves »

When dates disappear

I have this theory that explains why many of us either experience “the disappearing act” or are the ones pulling that trick.  There is something that is best left unsaid or unrevealed.  The disappearance is a gift from the dating gods that we should  be thankful for.

A lot of times you have dodged a bullet or avoided some catastrophe.  Is it classy to just “get ghost” on people? Absolutely not.  It is, however, necessary and sometimes unavoidable.  A lot of people (ok, mostly women) say they want closure.  I think they say this until they get the so called closure.

Take it from me, ladies.  You do  not want closure.  Ignorance is bliss.

When dates disappear on you, how do you handle it?

Have you ever “faded out” of someone’s life and never told them why you checked out?

Here is your chance to get it out if you feel like confessing your romantic crime of disappearing or fading out.

I’ll go first.  Dear Xavier: I am sorry I never called you back.  After our first …

Continue reading When dates disappear »

Online love is a battlefield too?

I have to hand to the single people who are online dating these days. Seriously, you are true soldiers of love! A lot of us go online, create a profile, answer the billion personality questions, load a picture, then actually communicate with potential dates. That takes focus and effort that some people don’t even put into “offline” dating!

I think people are used to doing it now so the rules of engagement, as it were, are easier to determine and perhaps better then it used to be. What kind of things should you always consider when deciding to date online? How do you gauge real interest? It seems that the physical attraction (or lack thereof) is the biggest hurdle to clear in the beginning. What do you think makes it easier to offset that challenge?

Have you tried online dating recently? Do you believe it has lead to good matches? If you had to put a profile up, what sorts of things would get your attention? Humor and wit, racy pictures?

The matchmaker, Paul Brunson who …

Continue reading Online love is a battlefield too? »

Taking responsibility for your misadventures?

Thanks to everyone that weighed in on the discussion yesterday!

Mr. M had some more great questions about dating and relationships:

“I have noticed lately when discussing relationships, that males and females have spent most of the time pointing the finger at their partner for the reason why did not work.

Lets make a change today and point the finger at ourselves and take responsibility.

What were the main reasons that the relationships did not work on YOUR side excluding your
partner?

Ask yourself, “Was I not making enough time? Was I too disrespectful? Was I not accommodating enough? Was I too needy? Was I too impatient?

What are you responsible for?

Let’s examine ourselves and see where we went wrong so we don’t continue to make the same
mistakes in our relationships!

Continue reading Taking responsibility for your misadventures? »

Do you come with references?

Happy Monday everyone!

I’m hanging out in south Florida this week so our good friend and commenter Mr. M. is stepping in to kick things up… from a man’s perspective:

At one time in all of our careers, someone (employer or potential client) has requested a reference.  They want to know not only to get an idea of all the good reasons for explaining their experiences with you, but also for any bad experiences of working with you.

What if we used this practice in dating? What affect could this have on the dating
landscape?

What if you met someone and they asked to speak to people from your most recent
relationships? Would you provide their number? If not, what makes you fearful to provide information?

Wow, Mr. M. is suggesting that we actual provide dating references?  I don’t know about this one, I shutter at the thought of the things my ex before last would say about how things went.  If you end things on a good note, are you certain the person would give you a good …

Continue reading Do you come with references? »

Does attraction ever make sense?

Do you ever wonder why you are drawn to the people that you appeal to you the most?  The fact that many of us singles think we have a type makes me wonder if we think about why.  Why does the person with the sense of humor seem to appeal to you more?

If we think about what gets our attention, does it matter why? I ask because figuring out what is behind our attraction may explain other mysteries.  Such as, if this type attracts me, why doesn’t it seem to work out?

Reflect on the type of people you have dated and remember what made them stand out to you.  When do you know that your attraction goes beyond the  “nice to look it” phase?

Why do you think  some relationships end when the attraction seems to fade or wane?

Continue reading Does attraction ever make sense? »