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Dating in the Facebook nation

I watch my teenage nieces and their dramatic Facebook status updates and can’t help but feel relieved.  I am so thankful that I never had Facebook in my teen years.  I should send Zuckerman a thank you card.

You wonder how much of ourselves start to take shape online.  We share on Twitter, Facebook, blogs, and many other slightly narcissistic social media outlets.  Do you think people who want to date us could read or observe something and get turned off?

In a recent Forbes article, Are You Revealing Too Much On Facebook, the author makes a pretty interesting point.  Your “profile” can be raised or lowered in the eyes of a potential.  Since it isn’t a typical dating website, Facebook becomes a way people discover your personality.  This isn’t necessarily a good thing for everyone.

I can admit that I lost my excitement over a guy after watching a little of his social media existence.  Is it fair? Probably not.  At the same time, I couldn’t totally ignore how he “looked” on Facebook and Twitter.  It’s not your Mama’s dating scene, people.  If compatibility clues are there to reveal things to you, does it matter if they are e-clues?

What do you think? Is this a totally new way we are unfairly judging each other? Is it smart to look at all sides of a person?  IRL vs e-life, what’s the best way to determine if the person is a good catch?

316 comments Add your comment

blue - Waiting...

August 30th, 2010
9:10 am

First! Good Morning Everybody!!

Simple Man!!!!

August 30th, 2010
9:13 am

Morning blue…..How was your weekend??

blue - Waiting...

August 30th, 2010
9:18 am

@Simple Man – waving HI!! weekend was relaxing…didnt want to come back in here today…how about you?

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
9:26 am

Hola!

Wassup blue and Simple Man!

On topic: I been said folks put too much info on FB. In fact detectives are not working as hard, because FB is solving crimes for them. Also I hate all of that tagging people on FB. Another thing, what is up with 696 friends on FB, do you really think you have that many friends? I feel unless you are using it for advertising and marketing chill with all the friends, and hush with all the updates.

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
9:27 am

didnt want to come back in here today

@Blue I feel you I was thinking to myself at least next week I will be at home on Monday since it is Labor Day…

Simple Man!!!!

August 30th, 2010
9:30 am

Morning Dirty D!!! I completely feel you ladies on that! Took a salsa dancing class this weekend and It was a BLAST!!!

blue - Waiting...

August 30th, 2010
9:35 am

i think its definitely possible to turn folks off with you FB. and best believe folks are looking at it, in this age of Google-ing dates, FB is the next thing used to check up on a person. when you seem like an articulate person in public but your FB is full of updates written in ebonics and your friends seem, lets be kind and say maturity stunted, then yeah thats a turn off.
just seems to simple to end up with someone all in my business. dont need 142 people jumping on me with the “what happened” questions as soon as they see my relationship status change.

@Dirty D – hey Lady, I feel ya, cant wait to the weekend. kinda sad tho, be a monday moring already thinking about the weekend…hey, whats the moniker mean?
@Simple Man – oh, we did a Salsa class a few months ago, loved it! but was a tad sore the next day, i’ll admit. but Latin dancing seems to be the only thing i have any rhythm for! (now i wanna go dancing…)

SlimNumeroUno

August 30th, 2010
9:37 am

Good morning All…needed one more weekend day.

FB or any other social networking site isn’t an unfair way to ‘judge’ or make assessments about a person because it’s the way they are representing themselves. I could see if someone else created a page for you and was resposible for what was put out there, which in most situations, isn’t the case. If I met a dude out somewhere and he added me as a friend on fb, I will take a look at his page. If he has nothing but pics of him shirtless, in over the top sexy-like pics or whatever, then i’m really not going to put that much effort into trying to get to know him after that. In the same token, I know folks are going to make their own assessments about me after seeing my page. Even with all that said, I still choose to take into consideration how they are in person…so you really have to take into account all sides of them to get a better view of who you’re dealing with.

Leggs

August 30th, 2010
9:40 am

Good morning everyone!

“Do you think people who want to date us could read or observe something and get turned off?” Of course. Personally, I think it’s crazy to constantly update your status, ongoings on FB. Relationships should be private and not privy to all your friends who can share and gossip with others who haven’t even tagged YOU as a friend. What a recipe for disaster!

Shout Out to Simple Man and his Salsa dance lesson..glad you had a blast.

Trevor0529

August 30th, 2010
9:41 am

Good Morning everybody,

I have a FB page where I keep in touch with people I know. I put a status up possibly two or three times a week if I choose to do so. Some do it daily but its their choice and its cool with me.

Glad to see everyone has a chill weekend.
:)

AmazonRed™

August 30th, 2010
9:41 am

Morning all – Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend.

If I meet a romantic interest in real life, we don’t become Facebook friends. We should be able to get to know one another without reading it online. With the recent ex, we probably didn’t become FB friends until we had been dating 4 months or so. I was happy to see that his page was reflective of the guy he was. There were a couple of thirsty broads doing too much, but nothing alarming. :lol:

2CPTG©

August 30th, 2010
9:44 am

Morning, y’all….

Here are the operative words in your post Diva, “narcissistic social media outlets.” You can be whatever you wanna be when you’re invisible! Like Dirty D posted, ain’t nobody got no damn 6-700 folks they deal with everyday, so more than likely they ain’t up on your daily life – therefore, you can tell ‘em, and be whatever you want…is a lot of the stuff TMI? of course! ’specially when it don’t add up to who, and what you really are….

Kym-Thank Goodness it was only Pre-season

August 30th, 2010
9:51 am

Good Morning All,

Most of my FB friends are classmates from high school, people I volunteer with, friends I have met online and of course family. So since my aunties and uncles are on FB I have to refrain from going to out there in my post..and I have been guility of doing the awards show update in my FB status(Sorry folks I know that is annoying as heck) Most of what I share is stuff about parenting, quotes, updates on weekend activities, politics and of course smack talk for football. So if anyone reads my page..knows I love my kid, find inspiration in songs at times, care enough to let the world know I love my family and friends cause I am spending time with them, I am pretty informed on politics..and that my heart bleeds Black and Gold baby.

Simple Man!!!!

August 30th, 2010
9:52 am

Socail sites like Facebook are going to be the death of real life dating…Looking at a FB page is only slightly better than being on say match.com in that you never get to see things in their proper context. It is a distorted veiw of people..

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
9:55 am

@Simple Man the Salsa sounds cool I hear ya’ moving those hips…LOL

@blue yea I feel the same way here I am counting down for the weekend…I guess I am in a chill mode. Work is slow thus far today so hopefully I can get some things done, which would be a plus.

@2CPTG the funny thing is those folks with 600-700 friends post stuff for their 5-10 associates/friends and now their co-workers, HS associates, neigbors, auntie-cousin-brother-sister-stepdaddy on their mama side is in their business. smdh, not to mention most employers are googling and a lot of attorneys and law enforcement are googling.

On topic: I’ve seen some of my HS classmates start more ish than they did in school with FB. If two folks talk too much on FB they are together, if someone “likes” your status too many times they like you…I went through and deleted all five of those fools for the hell of it because they were simple.

MELO

August 30th, 2010
9:57 am

Morning folks!

I agree with u Dee and most of uall…facebook constant updates is for high school kids! And too many friends means u facebooking for bizz, i hope..

Its cool to connect with far away friends and friends and aquaintances i have not seen in many moons,for me and maybe to organize stuff..like my reent grandma’s 94 birfday,but ohter than that..i can see folks scoping somebody’s page to see what type of person they are…

As for Tweeter..really its for losers. Which ordinary person, like u and myself has time and stuff to annouce and commune with pple like that..on the regular….Tweeter is for loser attn seekers.

Another high school or Attn h0re fad!

Leggs

August 30th, 2010
10:00 am

Tell us how you really feel, Melo! :wink:

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
10:01 am

Melo,

I hope your granny enjoyed her birthday party! Hopefully you will have the chance to see look at plenty of pictures!

Simple Man!!!!

August 30th, 2010
10:03 am

Leggs @ 9:40 Decided to do the Salsa class after hearing an add on the ride home!!! Got fresh and went on Friday night! Should have had someone take pictures so that I could post them on Facebook!!! LOL

abc

August 30th, 2010
10:04 am

I don’t Facebook, I don’t tweet. Social media is a blight on culture as a whole. People who participate in it are likely Internet addicts. If a date or potential SO participated in that, it would be a deal breaker.

Leggs ♦

August 30th, 2010
10:05 am

Leggs ♦

August 30th, 2010
10:06 am

Umm, just playing with the symbols.

blue - Waiting...

August 30th, 2010
10:08 am

i update my FB every few weeks, i use it mostly to keep up with Fam. but with all my Fam on there, including my parents and grands, gotta be careful wat i put out there and need to only approve friends who will do the same. gotta be careful what gets out there. hate it when folks do the 30 posts a day, not for anything significant “got a new bracelet…dam its hot…my dog licked my toe” who the he!! cares. and the 800 friends, you prob dont know who most of them are..

@DD – as far starting more ish on FB than when in school, expereinced that first hand, lost one of my oldest friends this way. over a simple statement too…she started on her wall about how FB ruins relationships, and i said its not relationships its what you choose to put out there to the public. all he!! broke loose from there, lol

abc

August 30th, 2010
10:13 am

Do you not think that to actually call your parents and grandparents on the phone would be a better way to communicate with them? Giving of your time to do so demonstrates that you care about them that much more. Relying on Facebook to communicate with people is like sending a form letter out at Christmas, times 1,000,000. No?

Kym-Thank Goodness it was only Pre-season

August 30th, 2010
10:13 am

@blue..one my aunties called one of the young folks out for their foolishness…I know she is like how do I delete this old lady without her knowing?

kimmie

August 30th, 2010
10:19 am

Good morning all!

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend. Mine started at 2 on Friday, when I left work, and was non-stop.

I just recently created a bare-bones FB account and I went kicking and screaming. A boutique I like in on it and invited me to be a friend, as well as 3 good friends of mine and my SO. I’ve only gone on it once. I just can’t get into it. I have no desire to look up those folk from high school that I didn’t like and didn’t like me. Reconnecting with a few college buddies might be fun, but they have a UGA AA alum website, and I keep up with quite a few of them, so really don’t need FB for that. Don’t have time for Twitter. This blog, a few news and magazine blogs and a few friend’s blogs are about all I can handle, e-wise.

Luvbug

August 30th, 2010
10:21 am

I have not gotten around to getting a Facebook yet ((shoulder shrug)), and I’m not interested in twitter. I think it’s fair to be judged on your personalized social media…it’s to be expected.

MELO

August 30th, 2010
10:21 am

I hope your granny enjoyed her birthday party!

@DD??

she did,my kid brother did a very good job organizing,so proud of him..he committed 2 stacks to that event and ferried folks by 2 buses from joburg to the village and provided bread,eggs,meat,veggies etc for them to cook and have merry over 3 days,frid nite,satrday and sunday… i spoke to my whole crew over the phone this week end(aunts,uncles,my mom,grandma etc) and they were all very proud of us..160 grandkids were in attendance….my granny is still kicking it..her mouf still talking and talking and talking some more..! :lol:

Tell us how you really feel, Melo!

@Leggs..these heiffers who say,” oh,did u see my tweet this or tweet that”" GTFOH…..
Really?

whats so important u gotta be tweeting about…have u discovered a way to bring the Israeli Palestinian conflict to an end??
Lame!
Folks really grate my nerves! :lol:

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
10:22 am

@blue see I update my status about once every two or three months…I comment very little. For the most part I have been thinking about taking my page down (I don’t use it, but I guess it is nice to have).

Also, one of my HS associated husband’s ex made up a fake FB page and sent her a friend request, she accepted and the lady played it low key for a while, and the next thing you knew she wrote all kinds of ish on her wall, “Your man is behind on CS, you are bytch, your kids ugly, your man still wants me, your man was over here yesterday etc.” :shock: Now that was too much…i do not accept a request unless I “truly” know the person no friends or friends and all of that foolishness.

AmazonRed™

August 30th, 2010
10:23 am

I don’t Facebook, I don’t tweet. Social media is a blight on culture as a whole. People who participate in it are likely Internet addicts.

abc – So what brings you here on a daily basis, again? :lol:

blue - Waiting...

August 30th, 2010
10:26 am

@abc – that might work but its all depending on your family..my grandmother is more tech savvy than me in some ways…and with 9 children all of whom (except my dad) having 2 or more kids and now we all have kids, she’d be on the phone nonstop. this works better for us because of the size of our fam and how on the go we all are. we get each others posts and we email and it works for us. smaller fams might do better with a phone call on Tuesdays and Fridays…its all about what works for you.
@Kym – lol, thats a good one. have had some fam member i wanted to send one of those pinchs or pokes…but make it more like a smack for being stupid…my grandmother whos in the phase of all fam should get together is putting me in touch with distant cousins all in there teens, talking about all kinds ghetto nonesense complete everything being spelled as improperly as possible, my B**** this, my Dog that….need one of those translators we were talking about last week,i aint got time……

Leggs ♦

August 30th, 2010
10:27 am

@Melo ~ I thoroughly agree with you. Glad you granny and family had a fabulous time. I have a FB account, but probably go on every 5-6 months if that often. Just sad. I just don’t get on my computer when I get home. I blog enough right here everyday. I have things to do when I get home.

AmazonRed™

August 30th, 2010
10:31 am

I have a FB account, but probably go on every 5-6 months if that often.

I purge those people all the time! Don’t need them clogging up my friends list. lol

I also hate the ones with no profile pics. FACEbook. LOL

C tha 1

August 30th, 2010
10:31 am

Yeah abc…Ared has a good question.

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
10:32 am

FB, is good when used the proper way, just like Advil you would not take the whole bottle,but if used with care it will help you. There is nothing wrong with picking up the phone and calling a mom or a grandma. However, I can send a private message via my FB account to my cousins in different states…the same as email and a letter. I think it is cool to keep up with folks in other places, and it is nice to get a message from time to time where someone is thanking me. Personally I cherish the notes from former students that are sent via FB, and I love it when someone that I have been thinking about for years send me a note. FB is cool, what makes it uncool is when it is abused.

Not to mention it is cheaper than making international calls and buying stamps. It serves as a nice way to keep in touch between the traditional methods.

Luvbug

August 30th, 2010
10:33 am

Diana – That was psycho :mad: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Kym-Thank Goodness it was only Pre-season

August 30th, 2010
10:33 am

@blue..oh I remove the poke feature..I hate that..I like seeing all the family photos from my cousins in Cali and Florida,VA and NYC..and me and my classmates..most of us actually like each other and have managed to stay friendly..we just had our 20 year reunion..heck some of us have known each other since elementary school..if there was any kind of alleybat stuff going on I don’t know about it. Heck we too old for that. I was telling everyone at the reunion we need to have a big 4-0 party since we all are headed that way anyway.

abc

August 30th, 2010
10:35 am

I would submit that use of Facebook does not indicate that one is ‘tech savvy’. I think that the term ‘computer literacy’ fell out of the lexicon with mass adoption of the Internet, as early as 1995 or 1996, upon which the only things people really do with them are email and surfing. It doesn’t take much mojo to handle that. Computers and the Internet are like toasters: anybody can do it — grandma, Dad, a kindergartner.

Luvbug

August 30th, 2010
10:36 am

Okay, the ‘eek’ emoticons not look scary!! I’ll try these instead.. :evil: :evil: :evil:

Or just EEK…EEK…EEK!!!

kimmie

August 30th, 2010
10:37 am

I have things to do when I get home.

Leggs – Same here! Plus, I sit enough here at work and in my daily commute. I am up moving when I am at home! Otherwise, my butt would spread so I would have to back thru the door!LOL!!

As for being judged by your FB page, I can’t really speak on it because it’s not really a part of my world, but I don’t look down on others because they use a particular medium. But like anything else, you have to watch what represents YOU. So if your FB is not representative of the person you are, who do you have to blame? My older relatives are not tech savvy. I am becoming moreso, but still am a bit old-school. I reach out and touch the people I deal with, thru phone, letters and/or visits. It works for us.

I would be more concerned about a current and potential employer judging me by FB if I were into that sort of thing. No way I would lose out on a potential opportunity because of some website mess!

East Point's Own

August 30th, 2010
10:37 am

I have heard a few people say that what they do online is not real and that what happens online does not matter in their real lives and people should not take it seriously… But the reality is that its all one world, what we say online as a real impact on our real lives, jobs, relationships, families, etc.

No longer can you have a wall up in your mind to separate whaat happens online from the real world… Look at the hit list last week in South America… someone posted on FaceBook a list of people they wanted killed, and within two weeks I think 3 people on the list were murdered, and two others were seriously attacked, but got away.

http://zanderedward.com
Twitter @zanderedward
twitter @hispointofview

Farai

August 30th, 2010
10:37 am

MELO!! Ndeipi blazo…where you from …H?

Dirty Diana ♠ Sabali sabali sabali yonkonte

August 30th, 2010
10:39 am

@Luvbug I found it very psycho and pure evil, she went in so hard my HS associate started experiencing headaches and swelling due to stress…the doctor took her off work for like 11/2 it was rough. I stay away from stuff like that, the reason I found out the whole story because she needed help understanding FMLA and her disability paperwork. A lot of people laughed about it, but that stress could have killed her…it was not funny to me at all. I use FB properly and keep it moving…no drama no stress is how I run my life.

Leggs ♦

August 30th, 2010
10:40 am

@ARed ~ right thing to do! I do have a FB profile w/pic, just don’t sign in.

kimmie

August 30th, 2010
10:42 am

Amred – You would hate mine then, cause no pic. Bare-bones.

Leggs ♦

August 30th, 2010
10:46 am

I will say this, if you’re going to have a profile online on any networking site, it is rather ridiculous not to have a picture up. Even more ridiculous to put a picture of you 15 years ago!!

kimmie

August 30th, 2010
10:46 am

I recently ran into a buddy I went attended college with along with his sister. He asked me was I on FB and I told him about my tired little account. He told me that was good that I wasn’t into it, because his sister has become an expert on identity theft and internet mediums, such as FB are a big contributer.

EPO – I agree, even if you’re not into it, can’t turn a blind-eye to it all either. It’s just the way of the world. Like anything, you have to be smart about it.

MELO

August 30th, 2010
10:49 am

Not to mention it is cheaper than making international calls and buying stamps

@DD..u absolutely have a point there…..it keeps costs low for me and I have access to pple I proly wld not take the time to call because,if u have a Big fam like me..its just impossible,even tho I lov them all the same.

Facebook makes things convenient. I do have a problem here and there because some of my very young or just outa teenage relatives post some stuff almost bordering on “no go areas”. Im not cool with my daughter for example, talkling about loved ones stuff and iam her friend as well. One of my nieces is probably on my warning radar and about to be edited if she dont get herself tgether soon.

And u know i quietly edited off one thirsty heiffer that was inviting females for 3some ish! :lol: Just abuse! Wonder why she cldnt take that nonsense to craig.

Leggs ♦

August 30th, 2010
10:49 am

Oops, 4got blogmonster doesn’t like certain words.

I will say this, if you’re going to open a FB account, or any other networking online account, put your picture up. And, don’t put a picture of you taken 15 years ago!

Luvbug

August 30th, 2010
10:53 am